Chapter Text
They say people in the music industry make terrible romantic partners. “Never date a musician because it never lasts.” That’s the number one rule if you don't want to be involved in the messy part of publicity. But for Kim Taehyung, he never stood a chance. Because he took one look at Jeon Jungkook and immediately thought, “I want him.”
It’s not because he wanted to be in Jungkook's spotlight. No, their story started way before Jungkook's fame rose to the global scale. He knew Jungkook first before people began to discover Jungkook’s music.
It went like this:
Jungkook found Taehyung when he was at his lowest - lost and scared in a foreign land miles and miles away from home. Homesick from leaving his country to pursue a modeling career in LA at the ripe age of 21.
Taehyung was scouted after a picture of him dressed up as Harley Queen went viral on twitter. The post had garnered a whopping one million likes in the span of two days, which was a huge feat for nobody like him. But how could it not, when Taehyung was the picture of lust and seduction in his crop top and small shorts that barely covered his asscheeks; luscious lips smeared with red lipstick.
Even though his childhood friend Namjoon had come along with him and became his roommate and personal manager, he still felt like there's a big gaping hole in his heart. Like there's something missing, as if a phantom hand pulled something from inside his chest and left it empty.
He was slowly losing himself and it scared him.
When things got too much one day, when the feeling of doubt and anxiety of the future took over his mind like dark clouds in a thunderstorm, Taehyung had gone on a walk. Along the way, he somehow ended up at a skate park full of kids in vibrant clothes. He sat down on a curb to watch on the sidelines because he didn't fit in the carefree and youthful scene in front of him.
Then Jeon Jungkook came along, a beacon of light to Taehyung’s darkened world in his grey sweatsuit and yellow converse, asking him a simple question:
“Hey man, you okay?”
Taehyung was thrown off because one, this stranger, just spoke in Korean. Two, it's the nicest anyone had been to him since he arrived here. Nobody cared to ask him if he was doing alright. Everyone at the company either ignored him or treated him like a product to be sold, inspecting every inch of his body and pointing out every flaw they could find. The only person Taehyung liked was a guy named Hoseok, his talent agent.
So when this sweet Korean boy appeared out of nowhere, and offered to buy him ice cream, Taehyung immediately agreed, grasping onto whatever kindness he could find in the cold world. They went to an ice cream parlor across the street and talked for hours. Jungkook was a shy one though, only giving out small details about himself when prompted and choosing to listen to Taehyung ramble for the most part.
From the little things he mentioned, Taehyung found out that Jungkook was two years younger and he was originally from Queens. His band got signed with a record label here, so they moved to LA to start their career professionally.
Before they parted, Jungkook had given Taehyung his number, a series of digits messily scribbled down on a brown napkin in black ink. At the back, he’d written for when you need a friend.
It didn't take them long to become more than just friends because a month later, Jungkook asked him out. Said there's no point in waiting when he clearly liked Taehyung. Though his words were bold, his actions were the complete opposite - eyes downcast, hands clasped behind him as he confessed, nerves radiating from him. He’d shyly handed Taehyung a beautiful bouquet of lavender roses.
“Why purple?” Taehyung had asked, curious.
“Because they looked nice. They're- they're pretty and reminded me of you.”
“But they must mean something, right?” Taehyung had insisted, because even though it's only been a month since they knew each other, he could still sense it when Jungkook's hiding something. He usually does when he's shy.
“Promise you won't laugh,” Jungkook had said, contemplating between telling the truth and saving himself from embarrassment.
“I won’t.”
After a few minutes of hesitation, Jungkook finally said, “It symbolizes love at first sight.”
And what a wonderful feeling it was, to be loved by someone as warm and kind-hearted as Jungkook. Taehyung had dropped his phone in his haste to hug Jungkook, crushing the poor flowers in between their chests. He felt a little guilty because they must have cost a lot, but at that time, all he wanted was to be as physically close to Jungkook as possible. He later pressed a silent apology onto Jungkook’s skin, kissing the scar on the high bone of his cheek.
“Thank you, Jungkook-ah,” he whispered into Jungkook’s ear, and it's more than just for the flowers.
Thank you for finding me.
They were happy together. For one whole year, they were madly in love with each other. Didn’t bother to hide their affection in public until fans saw their interactions and managed to put two and two together. People called them the it couple.
Jeon Jungkook came into Taehyung's life and gave his lonely heart a new home, filled the vacant hole inside with shy smiles, innocent kisses that sometimes turn into something more, and a gratuitous amount of hand holding.
Jeon Jungkook stitched everything back together until Taehyung felt whole again.
And when he left, the red string came undone and Taehyung didn't know what to do with his bleeding heart.
-------
Early in his career, Taehyung was known to be this flawless, kind person who smiled and bowed at everyone in his vicinity. It threw people off because how can the cold-looking Gucci model on billboards and runways be the same person as Kim Taehyung, South Korea's sweetheart?
Some said that it's all an act. A persona he made up to be loved by the mass audience. It wasn't true of course, but people believed what they wanted to anyway.
Especially when Taehyung's personality took a 360 after word got out that he broke up with Jeon Jungkook, lead vocalist of the up and rising rock band Mighty Long Fall. The media had a field day that day, writing countless articles about how Taehyung's the one who called it off, finally tired of playing the fake bubbly character. How their relationship was also just a publicity stunt.
People ate that shit up.
@mlfaller knew he was a fake
@__goldencloset bitch jungkook doesn't need a snake like u in his life
@myeuphoria FINALLY
@protectjungkook Kim Taehyung had been exploiting Jungkook, using Jungkook’s popularity for his own selfish gains. We will not tolerate the disrespect. #kimtaehyungapologisetojungkook #respectjungkook
But Taehyung was only 23 then. Young and lost in the maze that is the toxic modeling industry. He was tired of the cameras, of people stalking him 24/7, of the nasty rumours about him that had no basis. So he became the devil that people painted him to be. Never smiled at anyone ever again, choosing to stay aloof and appear distant in public. By the end of the year, he was given a new title - the silent tiger. Because no one dared to approach him outside of work, afraid he’d pounce.
It somehow worked in his favor because high end fashion brands loved his new image, loved his intimidating aura, how he can pull off literally anything with his smouldering eyes and perfect build. He got called to walk in a myriad of shows, showcasing different collections every other month because everyone wanted him.
Now at the age of 25, Kim Taehyung is at the top of the game. He’s untouchable, a king on a throne.
But despite everything, despite two years of keeping his emotions hidden from prying eyes, he still cracks the moment he spots Jungkook at a NYFW after party, looking endearingly out of place in his leather jacket, ripped jeans, and chunky boots.
The room turns silent the second Taehyung makes eye contact with Jungkook from across the room. It's as though everyone is preparing for a catastrophe to unfold. After all, their break up had been a nasty one.
Anticipation hangs in the air as Taehyung makes the first move, walking over to where Jungkook and his bandmates are standing by the foyer.
When Taehyung finally reaches them, polished Chelsea boots stopping less than a meter away from Jungkook’s worn out Doc Martens, not a single sound can be heard as the spectators waited with bated breath for him to finally pounce, to attack this foolish lamb who dared to enter his territory.
Except - no slaughtering happens because Kim Taehyung breaks into the biggest smile, his cold demeanor wearing off as he greets his old lover.
“Nice Docs,” Taehyung says, the story behind them a secret only they know, and the smile he gets in return makes his heart sing as it reunites with its missing piece.
Cue camera flashes as the papparazis gobble up their interaction like starved vultures.
Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jungkook; Old flame rekindled? -TeenVogue
Power couple first public interaction two years post break-up - Cosmopolitan
The on-and-off couple. How long will they last this time? -VanityFair
-------
“Here,” Jungkook said as he appeared beside Taehyung, sitting down next to him on their green velvet sofa.
Taehyung paused the thriller movie he was watching and squinted his eyes at the new pair of Docs Jungkook just placed on the coffee table. Jungkook had a collection of the exact same one.
“They look… nice?” Taehyung said as he looked at Jungkook, raising his eyebrows questioningly.
“Can you customize them for me?” Jungkook asked, and Taehyung just stared at him. “Please?”
The thing about this line of work is that people will always reduce you to nothing but your good looks - this used to be one of Taehyung’s fears before he accepted the modelling offer. People ridiculed him for everything he did because at the end of the day, to them, he’s just a beauty with no brain.
So when he received a particularly mean comment on one of his art posts on instagram, Taehyung stopped sharing his artistic creations completely. He also quit painting altogether because the words cut so deep he started to believe what strangers said about him online.
And this, this was Jungkook’s way of showing that he cared. Because he always noticed. While other people laughed and mocked Taehyung’s paintings, Jungkook was the only one who cherished them. Said, “They’re beautiful because they reflect just how unique and pure your mind is. And I love all of your artworks as much as I love you.”
Requesting Taehyung to customize his Docs was his way of saying I love you and everything you do, and that’s all that matters. And really, that should be the only thing that mattered to Taehyung. With renewed vigor, Taehyung excitedly picked up the Docs and brought them to their studio. Jungkook followed him into the room and sat down next to him on the floor, eyes following the careful strokes of Taehyung’s hand as he drew circular patterns on the side of the Docs.
“What’s that?” Jungkook asked, voice soft, soft, soft. “Fried egg?”
“Fried egg,” Taehyung repeated, and Jungkook laughed fondly, the twinkle of his voice a calming sound to Taehyung’s ears.
At his band’s concert the next night, Jungkook had proudly worn the boots together with an old jacket Taehyung took pleasure in decorating with spray paint on the back, showcasing his boyfriend's crafts in front of thousands of people.
Taehyung had kissed him breathless the moment he got off stage, overwhelmed and desperately in love with this man who knew just how to make him feel better, who treated him like a person that mattered.
-------
Seeing Jungkook wear those same Docs now, two years after radio silence on both parts, Taehyung is reminded of how kind and warm Jungkook’s soul is. Because even though Jungkook hurt him, he was once the only person who made Taehyung feel safe.
Later when the party has ended, Jungkook walks him to his car where Namjoon and Hoseok are already waiting for him inside.
They didn't talk much at the party. Only stood next to each other and entertained the two-faced socialites who approached and greeted them. But that is enough for Taehyung, knowing that Jungkook had finally returned to his side.
He doesn't know what Jungook’s intention is, suddenly making a comeback after years of avoiding him, but Taehyung understands that Jungkook does things at his own pace. He wouldn't have come here tonight if he weren't ready to talk.
Taehyung has long accepted that what happened back then was a result of insecurity, inexperience, and lack of communication. They were young and in love, but the pressure of figuring out their future broke what they had. The hurt is still there, but Taehyung no longer blames Jungkook for leaving. They needed the space to work things out on their own. He was at blame for what happened too.
Now they're standing in front of the car door and Taehyung's about to say goodbye when he sees a flash of panic in Jungkook’s eyes. Like he’s not ready for the night to end yet, for them to part a second time. Jungkook's nervous, he notes. Taehyung notices from the small habits Jungkook could never shake off - the way he rubs at the back of his neck, the way he avoids Taehyung’s piercing gaze, and the way he keeps on biting his lips.
“I know this is unfair of me,” Jungkook finally says after minutes of fighting the silent battle in his head “to - to suddenly show up after leaving you and pushing you away. I know I’ve been a terrible person and you have every right to hate me. But-” he pauses then, struggling to get the next words out.
Taehyung wishes he could help, wishes he could comfort Jungkook and tell him that it's alright. That he doesn't hate him, could never hate him. But he needs to hear what Jungkook has to say. It's something they have to work through. Because when they were still together, he had been too forgiving, too understanding. Always letting it pass every time Jungkook avoided communication whenever there's a disagreement or misunderstanding between them. The harmless little things eventually turned into something gigantic that they could no longer hide, and he doesn't want to make the same mistakes he did then. So this time, he patiently waits for Jungkook to overcome his fear of confrontation.
“Can we start over?” Jungkook finally says in a low whisper, and it must have taken a huge amount of energy for him to utter those words alone. “Can we talk about this and- and start over? I want to fix things, I really do, but only if you’ll let me.”
And just like that, the ball is in his court. Taehyung had been imagining this situation in his head over and over again ever since Jungkook turned and left their shared apartment two years ago. Had tried to come up with hypothetical answers to Jungkook’s questions. There's one where he forgives Jungkook and they put their past behind them and get back together like it is the easiest thing in the world. And another one where he makes Jungkook pay for what he did, for breaking his heart. But Taehyung can never find it in him to hurt Jungkook on purpose.
Now that it's actually happening, standing face to face with Jungkook under the dim light of the parking lot, there's only one thing that comes to Taehyung's mind: I’m still in love with you . It took him a while to realize, but he's never stopped loving Jungkook. Things changed and they are two different people now, but one thing that remains the same is that Taehyung is still irrevocably in love with Jungkook.
If Jungkook wants to start over, then they'll do it properly this time. He holds out his hands and smiles when Jungkook looks at it with confusion. Take my hand, he signals with his eyes. Jungkook does, and the moment their skin touches, Taehyung's whole body burns alight, warming to the core.
“Kim Taehyung. Twenty-five. I’m a full time model and I enjoy playing online games in my free time,” he introduces himself mock formally and sees Jungkook's face crack into a smile.
“Jeon Jungkook. Twenty two. Full time rockstar,” Jungkook replies, just as playful. “Please take good care of me.”
“Let's take it slow,” Taehyung says over his shoulder as he climbs into the car. He has to leave soon because if stands anywhere near Jungkook any longer, he’ll lose his resolve and do something hasty like hug him or kiss the mole under his lips.
“We can take it slow,” Jungkook agrees, and Taehyung watches his figure turn smaller as they drive away.
He misses him already.
-------
“I don’t know Tae. Do you think it will work this time?” Hoseok asks him while they're all unwinding in Taehyung's suite.
Taehyung knows Hoseok’s being apprehensive for his sake, but it still annoys him. He ignores the question and continues to scroll through his phone.
“Nobody knows if anything will work,” Namjoon butts in from the kitchen. He chugs down a glass of water and silently watches the gears turning in Hoseok’s head.
Taehyung shoots him a small smile, thankful that Namjoon is always supporting him.
“But still…” Hoseok says, unconvinced.
Taehyung puts down his phone and straightens his back, facing Hoseok as he says, “I know I was miserable when he left me back then. But that's in the past and I’m okay now. Hyung, I’ve been doing really well at work and everything else these days.”
“I mean... I guess that's true,” Hoseok says, still concerned.
“Hob-ah, he’s the world's highest paid model. Don't you think he should have autonomy to decide what's best for himself at this point?”
“I know, but what if he gets hurt again, Joon-ah?” Hoseok turns to Taehyung and asks, “What if you get hurt again, Taehyung-ah?”
“Then I’ll get hurt and deal with the consequences like the adult I am,” Taehyung answers firmly. “I’m not a baby anymore, hyung. I wish you'd stop treating me like one.”
There's a few seconds of silence as they wait for Hoseok’s reply. Then Hoseok sighs and says, “Alright. If you're really sure about this.”
Namjoon walks over to the couch and sits down next to Hoseok. He puts a comforting hand on Hoseok's thigh. “It’ll be alright. You know Jungkook's a nice kid.”
Hoseok runs a hand down his face and he looks tired. “You only have a week before we leave this place, though. I don't know how you're going to work things out in such a short amount of time.”
An idea pops into Taehyung's head.
“About that,” he licks his lips. He doesn't know how far Hoseok will be willing to bend to his requests, but he’ll gamble on this. “I was thinking… you know…” he wets his lips again “maybe you can give me more time?”
Hoseok stares at him like he just sprouted a pair of wings. Taehyung takes the lack of a reply as a sign to continue, “When was the last time I went on a break, hyung? I’ve been working nonstop for years now. Don't I deserve a little break?”
“But we already have things scheduled for the next four months!” Hoseok shrieks. “You want to just cancel everything?”
“We can move things around a bit, right hyung?” Taehyung pouts at Namjoon. “Just clear my schedule until the end of this month,” he pleads.
Even Namjoon seems unsure about the request because it'll be a lot of work on his part. But he melts when Taehyung softly says, “Please.”
“I can't say no to that face,” Namjoon grimaces. “You know I can't,” he says this to Hoseok, who looks like he's trying hard to stand his ground.
“You deal with the phone calls. I’ll pass the news to the company,” he relents after contemplating. “And you,” he points a finger in Taehyung's direction, “better not get your heart broken. Again.”
-------
“Hey,” Taehyung says when he spots Jungkook sitting in the VIP section near the runway. It's still early and they're having a rehearsal for tonight's Saint Laurent show. The audience seats are empty aside from a few staff here and there.
“Hi,” Jungkook replies, smiling at him. “I saw you up there just now. You looked great.”
Taehyung huffs out a laugh. “I’m wearing baggy pants and flip flops, Jungkook. I don't think ‘great’ is the right word.”
“You're right. Beautiful is probably a better fitting word,” Jungkook says unabashedly. And god, Taehyung should be used to this with how he gets called handsome and pretty by millions of people all over the world all the time. But hearing Jungkook say it still gets him all mushy on the inside.
He bites on his bottom lip to hide the big smile that's trying to take over his face. Jungkook lifts his hand like he’s about to pull Taehyung's bottom lip out with his thumb like how he used to, but then he stops midway and places it behind his neck instead.
Taehyung clears his throat when he notices several pairs of eyes discreetly watching them from a distance. “You're early. The show won't start until another five hours.”
“Yeah, I know. I dropped by to give you this.” Jungkook takes out a glass container from his satchel and hands it to Taehyung. “It’s just apples but, yeah. Just… you know. In case you forget to have lunch.”
It suddenly dawns on Taehyung that Jungkook knows . A few months following their break up, Taehyung had gone down the rabbit hole of depression. He should have seen it coming because Jungkook was the person who had kept him afloat all these while, and losing him meant he’d drowned to the darkest depth of depressive rumination.
Naturally, he didn't sleep much and barely ate. It got so bad to the point he passed out on a runway in the middle of a show. Ever since that incident, Namjoon had been forcing him to eat apples during his breaks. Taehyung didn't think much about it then because he thought it was just Namjoon's way of keeping him upright.
Now that he thinks about it, Jungkook was the only person he knew who liked eating apples, who ate apples religiously because they're nutritious. Jungkook.
“It was you, wasn't it?” Taehyung says, and it's more of a statement than a question. You're the one who told Namjoon hyung to feed me apples. Because you saw the news and still tried to take care of me even though we weren't together anymore.
“Hmm?” Jungkook asks innocently, oblivious to Taehyung's epiphany.
“Thank you,” Taehyung whispers under his breath. He's starting to feel his throat getting lodged with emotions and before he knows it, there are warm hands on his cheeks softly wiping his tears away. Funny how he hates being treated like a baby but loves it too much when Jungkook is the one babying him.
“Hey, you okay?” The familiarity of the word and the way Jungkook is asking him the exact same question he asked on their first encounter made Taehyung's tears flow a little harder.
“Taehyung hyung?” Jungkook tries again and Taehyung sees his worried face once his blurry vision clears.
He doesn't know how to put the mix of emotions into words. He feels like a child who’s throwing a tantrum but doesn't know what to say when the mother is asking why they're upset. He ends up saying something so ridiculous it leaves Jungkook speechless, “I don't like apples, Jungkook-ah.”
“What?” Jungkook asks, his eyebrows furrowing in concern.
“Apples. I don’t like apples.” Taehyung has no idea why he’s saying this and he feels like laughing at the ridiculousness of it all, so he does, sounding like a maniac.
“You don't like apples?” Jungkook repeats, torn between laughing and worrying for taehyung's sanity. “I can go get strawberries instead?”
“Noo. No. Don't go,” Taehyung sniffs, holding Jungkook's arm. “Stay with me,” he says once he manages to stop the tears and calm his breathing.
And that brings a dazed look into Jungkook’s eyes. Like he can't believe Taehyung's there in front of him. His chest heaves as he takes in a deep breath.
“Stay.”
“Okay.”
-------
Maybe the reason Jungkook was so speechless when Taehyung asked him to stay is because the last thing Taehyung said to him before they broke up was, “Leave.”
At that time, he didn't think about the weight of his words. People say things they don't mean when they're overcome with anger and frustration. The fury makes them throw out insults after insults until one person breaks and leaves. He didn't think Jungkook would literally pack his bags and leave town. But Jungkook did, because Taehyung asked him to.
Things started going downhill eight months into their relationship. Taehyung’s fame was steadily rising and he was making a name for himself out there. The company worked him to the bone because they had to milk him for his worth, while he was still young and handsome. Over time, some new kid will come along and take his place. It's the cycle in the industry.
He was so busy chasing the spotlight, albeit not for his own sake, that he didn't notice he’d left Jungkook behind in the dark.
The first time it happened, Taehyung didn't see it coming. He was trying on some sponsored designer clothes and twirling in front of Jungkook like he usually did because he loved being complimented by Jungkook. But that day, Jungkook avoided his eyes and said in a tired voice, “It's always about you, isn't it?”
“Sorry?” Taehyung had slowed down to a stop and the smile on his face dimmed.
“You're all big now. And you love the attention, I get it. But does it always have to be about you?”
“Jungkook,” Taehyung said for lack of a better word. His hands started to tremble and he hid them behind his back.
“Every time I come home you're always talking about the places you’ve been, the things you’ve done. What about me? What about us? Am I not in the picture anymore?”
“Hey, I’m sorry,” Taehyung says, quickly taking off the Chanel blazer he was trying on and putting away the rest of the free items he got from shooting that day. “We can talk about your day. I’m sorry for being so self-centered.”
When his eyes met Jungkook’s for the first time that night, he saw guilt and remorse in them. Jungkook was quick to apologize after, holding his arms out as an invitation for a hug and Taehyung ran into his embrace and held him tightly.
“No, hyung. I’m sorry. That was shitty of me. You didn't deserve that,” Jungkook said as he slipped his arms around Taehyung's waist.
“Is everything alright?” Taehyung asked as he rested his head on Jungkook's chest. This was the first time Jungkook got upset at him and he was scared. He didn't want Jungkook to be upset with him.
“Just. Bad day.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No, I’m good.”
“Okay. Let's not fight anymore, Guk.”
But they fought again. Countless times. By the twelfth month, Taehyung had gotten tired of being Jungkook’s punching bag so he threw some of his own. It was self defense. Things escalated to the point of no return one night.
“When was the last time we talked like we're equals? Because these days, it feels like you're standing on a pedestal and you don't even see me from up there,” Jungkook was saying. Their dinner had gone cold on the table.
“Well maybe if you worked hard enough you could actually reach my level. Stop acting like this is my fault!” Taehyung spat back.
“You think I don't work hard enough? You think I just laze around in the studio all day doing nothing?”
“Well I don't hear any of your songs playing on the radio. When was the last time you actually recorded a song, Jungkook?”
“You know nothing about songwriting or working with a label that doesn't listen to the artists’ inputs. If I could, I’d have put out a lot of songs by now, Taehyung.”
“Well you know nothing about my agency that works me to death that I feel like breaking my legs just so I could take a fucking break. You think you're all that, but you're just jealous because my career is taking off and yours isn't.”
He knew he went too far with that, but his ego wouldn't let him back down.
“I’m sick of this shit, Jungkook. Get out.”
“Tae,” Jungkook’s voice had lost its venom, but Taehyung was too high up in his head. He wanted to have the last say.
“Leave.”