Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Don’t you think Juntae would be popular among guys? Like in a dating sense,” Baku said aloud, unprompted. He was lightly drumming on the basketball on his lap, eyes closed, feeling the gentle spring breeze softly blowing against his skin. A few strands of his hair that weren’t sticking onto his forehead with sweat, were rustled by the wind.

Gotak, who was about to take a sip of water from his bottle, froze for a moment then eventually took a big gulp. He wasn't sure why Baku suddenly brought this up. It wasn't like they had been talking or anything in the first place. They were both currently sitting on the bleachers by the school's basketball court, just taking a breather in silence after an impromptu shooting practice with just the two of them. 

Earlier, Baku had dragged him by the strings of his hoodie towards the basketball court as soon as classes ended, almost choking him by how hard he was pulling him along. Gotak had protested, of course, but at times like this, when Baku was being a hardass for some reason, Gotak was no match for his strength. His struggles were futile so he just gave in. He could do nothing but drag his feet behind him as he unwillingly followed Baku. Sieun, the traitor, had left pulling Juntae, who was giving Gotak a pitying look, with him when Baku announced that it was going to be a grueling practice session. 

So, it was just Gotak and a very charged Baku. They had been at it for—way, way—over an hour when Baku finally suggested that they should take a short break. Gotak didn't argue with that. Listen, he was very athletic and he had great endurance; he was pretty much one of the very few people who could put up or even match Baku's energy. However, today's session was just a little bit more intense than usual, and again, for some reason, it was just the two of them. 

He did notice that Baku wasn't talking or even playing around much while they were shooting hoops. Usually he would be talking about unrelated topics or making unprovoked comments about Gotak's forms, which Gotak was sure he did just to piss him off. But, ever since they started Baku had been completely focused, only stealing glances at Gotak once in a while and then having this weird faraway look on his face. Gotak was a little bit weirded out and too exhausted to ask about it, so he decided to wait it out. If it was important Baku wouldn’t be able to keep it in for long.

“I mean Juntae is really cute,” Baku said, bringing Gotak’s attention back to him. His eyes were open now, looking staring ahead. “Especially lately. After everything we went through together…” he trailed off.

A lot of things had happened, especially towards the end of last year. The fight with the Union. The consequences of it. Gotak didn’t think they had fully moved on from it, not really. But despite that, they had to go on, carrying the pain and guilt with them.

Baku blinked and continued after the silence, voice louder, “Lately, he looks brighter. He talks more, he's also smiling and laughing a lot. And not just with us, too,” he said, smiling softly. “Doesn’t Juntae look really sweet when he's smiling? That little kind of a jog thing he does a lot is really cute, too. Especially when he’s wearing that really puffy jacket of his. Sometimes I feel like I want to just grab him and keep him nice and safe in my pocket. You get what I mean?”

Okay? Gotak hadn't uttered a single word or even made noises of acknowledgement after Baku’s initial question. It wasn't like he meant to ignore him, he was just a bit unsure on how to answer him. It wasn't like they’d had conversations about how dateable and cute their friends were on a regular basis. 

He knew Baku adored their new friends and he had called them adorable and the likes on occasions—sometimes teasing, sometimes honest. But that was usually when they were all hanging out together. They never really talked about them in this way when it was just the two of them. After a few more seconds passed and Baku didn't seem like he was going to say anything more, Gotak shrugged, leaning back with his arms spread behind him, eyes closed, enjoying the soft breeze. He then let out a long and slow exhale, eyes fluttering open.

“I guess?” he finally said, “I guess Jun's cute?” His answer sounded almost like a question towards the end. Baku hummed softly while bouncing the basketball against the ground, as if considering Gotak's answer. Once, twice, and then he stopped, placing the ball back in his laps. He regarded Gotak with a look that conveyed that he was not satisfied with his answer. 

“Well, I think Juntae's very adorable,” Baku eventually admitted. Again, Gotak said nothing, tightening the cap on his bottle before placing it next to him. He really was a bit confused about where this was going. Baku gave him one of those weird glances he’d been giving since earlier and then looked away. If Baku wanted to talk about their friend’s cuteness, for some odd reasons, why was he only bringing up Juntae? Matter of fact, why were they talking about this in the first place?

“What about Sieun?” Gotak asked, catching Baku off guard.

“What about him?” He looked at Gotak with a confused frown.

“You don't think Sieun's cute?” 

“What're you saying? Of course Sieun's cute and lovely, but this isn't about him,” Baku replied dismissively. “We're talking about Juntae right now.” Gotak wanted to ask why but Baku didn't give him the chance.

“Y’know I heard some guys talking about him earlier when I was leaving the washroom. I was about to walk away when I heard someone mention his name,” Baku said. He stretched his arms and legs, leaning back slightly causing the ball to roll down his legs. He didn’t make any move to grab it and just let it roll onto the court. Then he leaned forward, elbows placed on his knees, hands clasped together under his chin. 

He turned his head towards Gotak’s direction, studying his face, and then went on, “Obviously, I straight up just asked if they were planning on messing with him, because I would’ve settled that matter right then and there. But then this one kid just shook his head really hard and he seemed weirdly flustered, refusing to talk or look at me in the eyes. Kinda suspicious,” he paused, “but then before I could say anything, one of his friends just piped up and explained that they were just saying that he would look good with Juntae since he’s so tall and Juntae’s a lot shorter. The kid was getting redder by the minute, as his friend was saying something about the perfect kissing height differences or whatever. I swear, they were being dead serious, too.”

“What? Who was it?” Gotak immediately asked. He didn’t look too happy about Baku’s little story. He wasn’t entirely sure why but the thought of some random boys talking about Juntae like that just rubbed him the wrong way. Baku shrugged, grinning slightly as if amused by his reaction. Gotak was getting even more annoyed looking at him.

“I don’t know him. Didn't ask. I was kinda shocked, so I just left,” Baku answered simply.

“You literally know everyone in this school,” Gotak shot back, frowning, arms crossed at his chest.

“No, I don’t,” Baku denied, which Gotak knew was a bold-faced lie. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter who that kid was. What matters is that some guy out there is probably crushing on Juntae. Maybe even thinking about kissing him or maybe more. Who knows if there are others like him.” Baku straightened up, cupping his cheeks with his hands, jokingly pouting.

“What do we do, Gogo? I'm a bit worried. What if a big bad wolf comes along and snatches our little Juntae away?” Baku didn't sound worried; in fact, he sounded way too amused about this that it was making Gotak’s frown deepen. 

“What big bad wolf? Don't piss me off, dude. What the hell are you even saying? I've never heard anyone saying shit like that about Jun,” Gotak said, lifting a hand as if he was going to hit Baku. Baku made an “X” with his arms in front of him, anticipating the hit.

“I don't think anyone is dumb enough to say stuff like that in front of you of all people,” Baku remarked, his eyebrows lifted like he was trying to signal something to Gotak. 

“And what's that supposed to mean?” asked Gotak. Baku shrugged. Gotak really wanted to smack him.

“You're kind of intense when it comes to Juntae, man. Pretty much everyone can see that,” Baku commented. 

“No, I'm not?” Gotak felt the need to defend himself. He really didn't think he was ever like that about Juntae. 

“You looked like you wanted to hit someone when I told you some guys might like Juntae,” Baku countered.

“That's just my default mode when I'm with you because you keep saying and doing shit to piss me off,” Gotak replied, sounding ticked off.

Baku raised his arms in surrender. “Well, whatever. Don't say I didn't warn you, though, because I did,” he huffed. Gotak got up, approached Baku, and landed a smack on the back of his head. He really needed Baku to stop running his mouth. He tried not to let Baku’s little anecdote disturb his peace.

He tried and failed. 

***

When the four of them were having lunch in Sieun and Juntae's classroom the next day, Gotak couldn't help but look around, trying to gauge if anyone was paying any attention to them—to Juntae. There weren’t that many students in the room besides them since the majority of them already left for the cafeteria. Two students were sitting by themselves at their desks while the rest were sitting with some friends, in small groups. It didn't seem like anyone was even trying to look in their direction. In fact, it seemed like they were all actively trying not to look. That kind of put Gotak at ease.

“Can you stop that? You’re making me dizzy,” Sieun suddenly said, annoyance showing in his tone. Gotak blinked at his words. Baku was laughing silently, his shoulders shaking. It was like he knew what Gotak was trying to do. 

“What is it? Is something bothering you?” Juntae asked, looking up at him with a worried face. When Juntae looked at him like this, Gotak felt weird, not bad weird, just…weird. He decided not to mull on that too much. 

“Ah, it's nothing, Jun,” he said, smiling slightly while giving the top of Juntae's head a soft pat, “I was just looking around. Don't worry about it.” 

That didn't really explain much but Juntae didn't push; he just gave Gotak a sweet smile, and went back to his lunch. Gotak resisted the urge to pinch his cheeks. Sieun was looking at him suspiciously, but in the end it decided he couldn't be bothered with it and stopped. 

“Juntae…” Baku suddenly called. Juntae immediately looked at him. “Ah, Juntae, you shouldn't be so cute or someone might really snatch you away.” Gotak almost choked on his food. Juntae looked stupefied. This time Baku was the one who received a weird look from Sieun.

“You trying to get hit?” Gotak threatened, one hand already raised up, ready to strike. Juntae hurriedly grabbed it and brought it back down.

“What's up with you two?” Sieun asked, looking between Gotak and Baku. He looked at Juntae who was blushing slightly. “And stop bothering Juntae.”

“Eh, it's fine, Sieun! I was just surprised,” Juntae quickly said to him. 

Ignoring Gotak's threat and Sieun's warning, Baku asked, “Has anyone approached you, Juntae? Like to ask you out or something like that?”

“What?” Juntae's reply was instant and slightly loud, earning confused looks from other kids in the class. “Here, at school? No way! What are you saying, Baku?” His cheeks were still dusted pink when he looked at Baku. Gotak was annoyed. Sieun looked vaguely interested.

“A little bug told me, someone might be interested in you,” Baku said, causing Juntae to blush more. 

“It's ‘a little bird’, dumbass! And quit bothering Juntae with your nonsense,” Gotak told Baku. They almost started play-fighting but decided against it after Sieun glared at them.

“Someone gave Juntae bread the other day,” Sieun stated after a while, staring at Gotak for some reason. Gotak frowned. 

“Wait, really?” he asked, looking between Sieun and Juntae. Juntae never mentioned anything like this to him. 

“As a thank you!” Juntae exclaimed, desperately looking at his friends. “I helped him with some stuff a few times before, so he just gave it to me as a thank you! It really wasn't anything else.”

“Didn't look like just a thank you to me,” Sieun commented. Juntae looked at him, betrayed. Sieun almost looked guilty.

“It really was just that,” Juntae said, pouting. He looked a bit upset. Sieun pressed his lips into a tight line and then quietly apologised.

“It's fine, Sieun. I just didn't want anyone to misunderstand.” He shot a quick look at Gotak when he said that. Gotak gave him a smile, trying to put him at ease. He wished they’d stop talking about this because Juntae was clearly upset about it.

“What did he look like?” Baku asked. Gotak's smile dropped. He wished he had tapes so he could shut Baku up for a while. “Tall? Wears glasses? Beauty mark under one eye?” he listed out, like he already had a clear image of the guy in his mind. 

Sieun shrugged, saying he wasn't really looking at the guy closely to see the beauty mark. He did tell them that the guy was tall and wore glasses. Juntae was quiet, looking down at his food, picking at it. Baku must have hit the mark.

“Hey, don't play with your food,” Gotak said gently, poking Juntae's cheek with a finger, smiling. Juntae immediately stopped playing with his food and smiled back at him. 

“If anyone's bothering you, just tell me and I'll deal with them, okay? You can tell me anything,” he assured. Juntae blinked, and then nodded slowly. “And you should stop,” he said, glaring at Baku, who rolled his eyes at him.

The rest of lunch went by uneventfully. Baku and Juntae took turns talking about different topics while Sieun and Gotak just mostly listened. Gotak somehow didn't feel like talking too much. Sieun would look at him once in a while as if he was studying him, looking for something, anything that would give him the answer he was looking for. Gotak pretended not to notice, only half-paying attention to whatever Juntae was going on about. The more excited he was, the more he talked with his hands, Gotak noticed. It was endearing. When his glasses slipped down a little bit because he was moving too much, Gotak quickly reached out to push them back up to their original position. He heard Baku mutter a quiet ‘oh my god ’ which he ignored in favour of Juntae's small ‘thank you’.

***

“Do you have x-ray vision or what?” Gotak heard Suho ask, a light teasing tone on his voice. 

Suho had woken up from his coma towards the end of the last semester, not too long after the fight with the Union. They had been with Sieun when the hospital had called to inform that Suho was awake. They had gone to see him together and Sieun had introduced them to him, and vice versa, right then and there. Gotak, Baku, and Juntae had found Suho super easy to get along with, so they’d become pretty close after only a short amount of time. Gotak believed the fact that they were such good friends with Sieun actually helped speed up the process. 

“What?” Gotak looked at Suho. Suho smirked, giving him a knowing look.

“You've been staring at the door ever since Juntae left. I almost thought you could see through it,” Suho explained.

Earlier that afternoon, Sieun had informed them that he was going to stay at the library in the city in the evening for a little study session. Hearing that, Juntae had immediately asked if he could join and Sieun had told him he didn't mind. Gotak had figured going there wouldn't hurt so he’d ended up tagging along with them. Baku wasn't with them since he conveniently had to help his dad out at the restaurant, which Gotak knew hadn't been the case. 

When they'd arrived at the library, Suho had already been there, sitting at a table scrolling on his phone absentmindedly. Sieun had bee-lined directly towards the seat right next to Suho, while Gotak and Juntae had settled down at the other side of the table. After about thirty minutes into the session, Juntae had excused himself to go to the washroom. Gotak had offered to go with him, but he’d refused saying Gotak should continue studying, which he had actually not been doing in the first place. 

He wouldn't have realised that he had been staring that hard at the door if it wasn't for Suho's comment.

“You're not even studying, man,” Suho said, like he’d been doing anything other than scrolling on his phone and staring at Sieun the entire time. 

“Are you studying right at this moment?” Gotak retorted. 

“Hey, I'm on break,” Suho replied.

“You should study,” Sieun spoke up, looking pointedly at Suho. Sieun had helped Suho pass the special exams he had to take to skip his first year and it seemed like he’d made it his life mission to help Suho with his studies. Suho muttered a quick ‘yessir’ and went right to his books. Gotak smirked at how easy Sieun got Suho to obey him. 

He suddenly thought about Juntae and remembered what Baku had said. 

You're kind of intense when it comes to Juntae, man.

“Do you guys think, um, do you think I'm weird about Juntae?” 

Suho's eyes were instantly on him but he didn't say anything. Sieun actually stopped writing and stared at him like he was trying to read something from his face. Gotak felt a little awkward under their gazes.

“What do you mean?” Sieun asked.

“Uh, Baku kinda said that I'm intense when it comes to Juntae and I can't lie, it's kinda been bothering me,” Gotak confessed, trying to sound casual.

“I mean,” Suho started, rubbing the back of his head and puffing his cheeks, debating whether to talk about it or not. He let out a huge breath and continued, “it just means you care about him a lot? Which isn’t really a bad thing. I get it, really. When it comes to him, you can’t help but react strongly. You just want to always be with him, take care of him, and make sure he’s always safe. When he’s away from you, you worry. And when you’re together, you somehow still miss him,” 

He gave a side glance at Sieun who was looking at him intensely and Gotak just watched them, belatedly realising that asking these two might not be the best idea. But, listening to Suho, of all people, talk like this and recognising that he could actually relate to him…Gotak figured his situation might be more dire than he first thought. 

“Okay, I need your attention back on me,” Gotak finally said, breaking the silence and the prolonged eye contact between his friends. Suho looked almost sheepish, like he didn’t expect to be doing all that in front of him. Gotak eyed the two of them, regarding Suho with a troubled look. “I’m not as bad as him, though. Right, Sieun?”

“Hey, dude, come on, now,” Suho protested. Gotak ignored him, only looking at Sieun who was giving him a knowing look. Gotak didn’t like that one bit. If Sieun stared at him like that any longer, he might actually leave. 

“You are,” Sieun finally said. “You’re always sticking to him. And if you’re not together, you’re always texting him, which I think you should stop doing during class hours. Juntae sits in front of me and it’s distracting.” Okay, now why was he suddenly getting scolded? God forbid a guy cared for his friend.

“I don’t cling to him that much,” Gotak tried to argue. Sieun looked at him incredulously.

“Yes, you do. It’s like something will snap if you don’t have at least one finger on him every few minutes,” Sieun countered, sounding a little too passionate about this, as if he had been thinking about it regularly. 

“I don’t know how it is at school, but wherever we’re all together outside, you’re practically on him at all times, dude. Kind of like a horseshoe crab,” Suho added, supporting Sieun, who nodded. Gotak snapped his head towards Suho. Guy went to an aquarium once and suddenly couldn’t help but mention a random sea creature at least once a day. Gotak looked at the arm Suho currently had casually resting behind the chair Sieun was sitting in. He bet if he looked under the table, Suho would have one leg intertwined with Sieun’s.

“I don’t really want to hear that from you,” Gotak said, motioning to Suho and Sieun’s current position with a flick of his wrist. Suho looked at Sieun as if considering something, then he looked right into Gotak’s eyes. Gotak couldn’t look away.

“I’m like this with Sieun because I like him a lot,” he said, as easy as breathing. Gotak was stunned, felt the heat crawl up his face, and the way his mouth went dry. He didn’t think he should be here listening to this, whatever this is. He opened and closed his mouth, trying to say something—anything. He could only continue staring at Suho, who looked like he was hesitating about something. When Suho got all serious and quiet like this, especially when they were talking about him, he’d get anxious. It was like Suho could see through him, like he could deduce exactly what was bugging him. He felt like the silence lasted for hours. 

“Can you say the same about Juntae?” Suho asked in the end, tilting his head slightly, seeming very curious but at the same time knowing. 

Gotak honestly didn’t know what to think. Did he like Juntae? Of course, but he knew fully well that that wasn’t the kind of ‘like’ Suho was talking about. How Suho felt about Sieun and the other way around, he knew it well. He could see it when they were apart and when they were together. Every glance they shared looked like it was laced with something meaningful, with unsaid words that they knew by heart. He almost felt like an intruder every time he managed to catch them sometimes. 

But did he feel that way about Juntae? He wasn't quite sure. Yes, he liked hanging out with him, enjoyed listening to him talk about whatever topic he was interested in at the moment, he liked it when Juntae laughed at some stupid jokes he made, and he liked it when Juntae said nothing, just quietly being in the moment. But, he felt like he was like that with everyone, too. Wasn't that how friends were supposed to feel for each other? He doubted that any of them would feel differently about Juntae. He knew that they adored the boy, just as much as he did. Probably.

“It's not like that,” he finally answered, careful. “Of course, I like him, but not in the way that you meant.”

“How sure are you about that?” Suho asked. 

Gotak hesitated then recovered. “I'm really sure,” he replied. Suho remained unconvinced.

Sieun looked like he had something to say but promptly shut his mouth when Juntae finally returned, carrying some snacks that he probably got from the vending machine outside. He slowly put the snacks on the table and then lowered himself back onto his chair, worriedly looking between them. 

“Did something happen? Why do you guys seem tense?” He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and then eyed Gotak. Gotak wasn't sure what his expression looked like at the moment but he tried to make it seem like he was feeling fine. 

“It's nothing,” he told Juntae, smiling weakly. “Why didn't you tell me you were getting snacks? I would've gone with you.”

“It's fine. It's not like I couldn't carry them,” Juntae said, chuckling lightly. The urge to pinch Juntae's cheek almost overwhelmed him again. He didn't reach out.

“Juntae is so sweet,” Suho said, reaching for one of the snacks. Like he'd done it a million times, he tore the wrapper open and put the snack in front of Sieun, who immediately grabbed it and took a bite. “You're so cute I might actually eat you,” Suho commented, smiling lazily. 

Juntae blushed and Gotak frowned. Suho noticed him glaring and winked at him. 

“Why does everyone keep calling me cute?” Juntae pouted.

“What? Who else called you that?” Gotak's attention was immediately on him and Juntae was taken aback.

“Ah, um, I mean Baku also did that, earlier…” Juntae trailed off, unsure.

“We should study,” Sieun suggested, giving Gotak another look. Gotak was tired of it at this point. Juntae nodded and resumed studying.

Much later, once they were done, he offered to walk Juntae home like he usually did, in case there were groups of delinquents or whatever on the way. Juntae didn't reject his offer. Suho smirked knowingly at him after they said their goodbyes, and before long he was gone, taking Sieun with him. Gotak and Juntae walked side by side in silence. They were close enough for their hands to touch occasionally. Usually Gotak wouldn't mind, but after the whole talk with Suho and Sieun he felt unbearably aware of each time it happened. The next time Juntae's hand brushed against his, he brought his hand up to his mouth to cover a fake cough, and then stuffed it in the pocket of his hoodie.

“You’re feeling okay, Tak-ah?” Juntae asked, voice full of concern. Gotak said nothing, he just gave Juntae a reassuring smile. Juntae looked down, feet kicking at imaginary pebbles as he walked. Cute.

“You know, you can tell me if you’ve got something on your mind,” said Juntae, voice so soft it tugged at Gotak's heartstrings. “I feel like you don't really talk about stuff that troubles you with me. Am I not dependable?”

“What, no. It's not like that,” Gotak promptly replied. “You’re one of the most dependable guys I know, Jun. I know I can count on you all the time.” Gotak smiled. He brought his hand out of his pocket to mess up Juntae's hair and then naturally wrapped his arm around Juntae's shoulders. 

Kinda hard to talk about it with you, when it's kinda about you, Gotak thought to himself.

Juntae relaxed in his hold, his head slightly leaning towards him. Gotak tried not to think about how thrilled he was because of it.

“Are you…still worried about earlier? About the guy we talked about?” Juntae questioned, looking up at Gotak, trying to gauge his reaction.

Gotak didn't manage to stop the frown from slipping on his face but then quickly school his face into an unfazed expression. Juntae noticed and worried at his bottom lips.

“I knew it, you are bothered by that,” he said, convinced. 

“I just don't want you to get hurt,” Gotak replied eventually. 

“You worry about me too much, Tak-ah. You know I would tell you if someone's making me uncomfortable.”

“Does he like you?” The question slipped out between his lips before he even had it registered in his brain. He felt as surprised as Juntae looked.

“What? No! Yunjae doesn't like me, at least not like that, I think…”

So the motherfucker’s name was Yunjae. It would be nice if he could put a face to the name for no particular reason.

“You're not even confident about it. Do you like him?” Gotak wasn't sure why he wanted to know but he asked Juntae anyway. The latter looked scandalised, a lovely blush painting his cheeks. Gotak didn't feel too good about it.

“Of course, not! What are you even saying, Tak-ah?” Juntae sounded exasperated and confused. It was like he never expected Gotak to ask him these questions.

“Do you think he's handsome?” Gotak asked another question before he could stop himself. Juntae looked exhausted, slightly pouting his lips.

“Why are you asking me this?” Juntae stepped in front of Gotak, effectively stopping him. He looked up at Gotak's face, trying to figure out what it was that Gotak actually wanted to say. Gotak noticed he didn't answer the question. He pretended it didn't bother him. 

“Who's better looking? Me or that guy?” He didn't even want to say the guy's name. Juntae's stare faltered; he blinked once, and then twice. He looked down at his feet.

“I'm kind of confused, right now,” Juntae said instead of answering.

“Come on, Jun. Who do you think is more handsome?” Gotak desperately needed to know this, though he wasn't sure why. “It's not a hard question, Jun.”

He held Juntae's chin between his thumb and index finger and slowly lifted his head up until they were looking into each other's eyes. The way Juntae was looking up at him through his lashes was making Gotak feel… something, for sure. He smiled sweetly, gently brushing the back of his index finger on Juntae's cheek. Juntae seemed bewildered. Gotak watched his blush deepen and felt giddy.

Finally, as if admitting defeat Juntae replied in a voice barely above a whisper, obviously feeling shy, “You.”

Gotak grinned. Then he made a face, like he just had an unpleasant thought. He grabbed both of Juntae's shoulders.

“Would your answer differ if he was the one asking?” 

Juntae gave him a blank stare.

“Go Hyuntak, are you seriously asking me this? You're being impossible,” he said, shrugging off Gotak's hands from his shoulders, clearly tired of answering Gotak's ridiculous questions. The use of his full name, straightened Gotak up. He realised he kinda liked it when Juntae said his name like that.

“Enough nonsense. Walk me home,” Juntae ordered, taking Gotak's hand in his and pulling him along. Gotak, who was worried that his hand might be a bit sweaty, followed, a thoughtful look on his face. He looked at their joined hands and felt his face heat up.

Oh.

He hesitantly interlocked their fingers together, gently rubbing his thumb against Juntae's soft skin. Juntae said nothing. He just kept walking, looking straight ahead, but Gotak noticed that the tips of his ears were red. 

Oh.

Gotak gulped.

He liked this. He liked holding hands with Juntae. He liked watching him. He liked being with him. 

He liked Juntae.

***

Gotak knew he was being odd. He had been keeping his distance from Juntae. After the walk home with him, he'd had trouble falling asleep. He would close his eyes, see how good their hands looked together, fingers intertwined, how adorable Juntae was when he looked up at him, how lovely his smile was, and recall what his voice sounded like saying his name. Then, he would end up getting up and pacing around his room because he couldn't stop thinking about him. 

He'd been like that all night. Gotak wanted him so badly it was scaring him. When they’d met up half-way and walked to school together the next morning, Gotak had been keeping Juntae at pretty much an arm's length. If Juntae had noticed, he hadn't said anything. 

It wasn't like he didn't want to touch Juntae but he couldn't help but feel guilty every time he tried to do it. Now that he was painfully aware that he was interested in Juntae, he felt like he was taking advantage of Juntae's trust in him as a friend if he tried to touch him with his not-quite-friendly intention, which he could no longer ignore or pretend didn't exist. It wouldn't be fair to Juntae. 

So he kept his distance. He still talked to him and hung out with him when they were with everyone. However, he tried to keep touching at a very minimum, only resorting to it if it was absolutely necessary. Though, if Juntae was the one who made the move he just let him. Otherwise, it would be too suspicious and Juntae might get upset, and that's the last thing Gotak wanted. 

This was all so new to him, he had no idea what to do with it. He was still coming to term with his feelings so he was trying his best to not show it too much. He needed time to figure things out. He knew that he wanted to tell Juntae eventually, but not now. Not when he was still a mess. He also didn't want to risk ruining their friendship since he realised he actually didn't know what Juntae's feelings were towards him. 

But he couldn't just simply ask him about it. What if Juntae just saw him as nothing but a friend? What if he somehow found out Gotak liked him even though he didn't think about Gotak that way? Juntae was a kind and gentle person, Gotak doubted he would be a jerk about it. He probably would just reject him nicely and ask for them to remain as friends. Gotak wasn't sure if he would even be able to stay as friends if Juntae ever rejected him. That would suck severely. 

He hadn't even admitted his feelings out loud and yet here he was, already thinking about getting rejected.

“You've been acting differently these days. What's your issue?” He heard Baku ask, snapping him out of his daze.

It had been some days since that night. He thought he was being subtle enough with the way he acted, but obviously not since Baku noticed. He was currently at Baku's dad’s restaurant. He had been pacing around his room, just thinking about it, a frequent situation as of late. After a while, he just couldn't take it and had decided to get out and get some fresh air. In the end, he had ended up walking all the way to the restaurant. Baku, who had been helping his dad, had seen him enter and had gone to his table after he had finished serving his other customers.

Now, here Gotak was, munching on some chicken, still unable to stop thinking about Juntae.

“I think you know,” he replied pointedly. If he thought about it, he actually ended up in this situation because of Baku's big mouth. He took another bite of the chicken, this time a little viciously.

“Is this about Juntae?” Baku asked. When Gotak didn't answer, he added, “Finally! You realised it then?”

He got his answer when Gotak glared at him. Baku looked so full of glee, Gotak wanted to hit him.

“No thanks to you,” Gotak said.

“Isn't it a good thing? Why are you stressed out, man?” Baku looked at him confusedly. Gotak didn't think this was a bad thing, but he also didn't think that it was a good thing. He’d been trying to be super careful about everything that he'd felt like he could hardly enjoy anything. He missed having fun with Juntae. He was Juntae-starved, he thought. Gotak let out a long tired sigh.

“If only the three of you had kept your mouths shut…”

“Suho and Sieun said something to you, too?” Baku asked. Gotak shrugged. 

“I could've stayed unaware,” Gotak finally said. 

“And what? You'd keep following Juntae around, looking like a love sick puppy? Until when? Until it went away? Yearn after him until we're in our fifties?” Baku’s tone became more incredulous with every question.

“Man, at least we'd get to be together for a long time, y’know. Without any complicated feelings getting in the way,” Gotak huffed defeatedly. He stopped eating and sat up straight, eyes wandering towards the entrance.

“Okay but what if Juntae finds someone else, and then what?” Baku asked, arms crossed in front of his chest. Gotak’s eyes were on him in an instant.

“I’d be fine,” he answered, voice hard. He knew he didn't sound convincing.

“No, you wouldn't,” Baku remarked, seeing right through him.

“No, I wouldn't," Gotak conceded. He would be devastated. He hated even trying to imagine it. He didn't want anyone next to Juntae, unless it was him.

“You should confess to him,” Baku said after a few moments passed.

“What, no? What if he rejects me? Are you crazy?”

“Why’re you assuming that he would reject you?”

“Because he probably only thinks of me as a friend,” Gotak said, the words felt bitter in his mouth.

“You don't know that,” Baku said slowly, something akin to pity in his eyes as he looked at Gotak. “Have you asked him?”

“Of course, not.” Gotak didn't have the guts to do it.

“You're being difficult, man. Just tell him you like him, I promise it'll be okay,” Baku goaded. He talked as if he knew something but wouldn't share it with Gotak.

“Shit, fine, I'll think about it,” Gotak said, running his fingers through his hair. He would think about it but he doubted he would do anything.

“I'm serious, man. I wasn't joking when I said someone might snatch him away. You need to make up your mind and be quick.” Baku looked serious, his words ominous. Gotak wondered why the fuck did he know so much.

“Yeah, yeah,” Gotak replied simply, not sure what else to say. 

“Just…don’t wait until it’s too late,” Baku said earnestly. The way he said it, it was like he knew what that would feel like.

Baku left him alone soon after to get back to helping his dad, squeezing Gotak's shoulder reassuringly before he did. Gotak was left with his thoughts and Baku's words. He so badly wanted to believe that Baku was right, that it would be okay. He wished that it would be easy. He would confess, Juntae would accept it, and they would be together for a long time. He wanted that—wanted Juntae. 

***

Monday rolled around before he knew it. Baku had left him texts throughout the weekend asking if he had already told Juntae about his feelings for him. He had only stopped after Gotak had said that he would do it on Monday. ‘got it lol high school drama style’ was what Baku had texted Gotak in the end, whatever that meant. The second period passed and Baku got up and went to Gotak's desk. 

“What are you waiting for?” Baku asked, impatience evident in his voice. Gotak was the one who planned to confess, but somehow Baku was the one who was the most excited about it. Gotak on the other hand was feeling way too nervous.

“Lunch, dude. Sieun would kill me if I disturbed Juntae during class hours,” Gotak explained. Baku nodded understandingly. 

“Okay, okay. Don't you dare chicken out,” Baku warned. Gotak waved him off, assuring him that he wouldn't. Baku only stopped pestering him when the next period started. Gotak couldn't focus. He was only thinking about his coming confession and how Juntae would react to it. He remembered Baku's words: I promise it'll be okay. He convinced himself it would be fine. Everything would be okay. 

When lunch arrived, Baku immediately pulled him up, got his arms around Gotak's shoulders, and dragged him towards Juntae and Sieun's class. They walked together while Baku gave him words of support and encouragement. Gotak rolled his eyes once in a while but was secretly grateful Baku was with him. When they were turning at the corner on the way there, Baku suddenly stiffened and stopped, his hold on Gotak's shoulders tightened. Confused, Gotak shot him a look and then followed the direction of his gaze. Juntae was there, smiling shyly, looking up at another boy who was looking equally as bashful, one of his hands clasped on Juntae's arm. That was when everything went wrong.

One moment the boy was happily talking to Juntae, next thing he knew he was getting pulled away and slammed onto the wall behind him, a strong arm placed across his chest, digging painfully into it. Gotak stared right into the boy’s eyes, eyes sharp and angry. The boy looked confused, glasses askewed, his eyes darting wildly between Gotak and Juntae, who was desperately trying to get Gotak off of him. 

“I really think you should back the fuck off,” Gotak snarled, voice cold, dripping with venom. He looked like he wanted to bite the boy's head off. The boy pitifully gulped, unable to even struggle.

“Go Hyuntak, let him go!” Gotak heard Juntae pleading next to him, futilely yanking at his arm. “What is wrong with you?!” His eyes were wild as he pawed at Gotak’s arm.

Before Gotak could say anything more, Baku grabbed him by his collar and pulled him away from the boy. The boy's legs folded and he fell onto the ground, coughing with one hand on his chest. Gotak watched as Juntae crouched next to the boy, one hand on his cheek, continuously asking if he felt okay. Gotak felt a pang in his heart. Other kids had gathered around them to watch the commotion. Gotak really couldn't give a damn about them. Sieun was also there, watching them from the classroom’s back door, his eyes widened. Gotak stood a little distance away from Juntae, unmoved, watching helplessly as Juntae fussed over the boy, who kept glancing between Juntae and him. He didn't dare look at Gotak for too long, though. 

“I need you to calm the fuck down,” Baku said sternly from next to him, his hand digging tightly onto Gotak's upper arm. Gotak was breathing heavily, fists clenched, jaw hard, his body rigid. 

“Let's go, let me check you out, Yunjae.” He heard Juntae say to the boy, Yunjae, while helping him to his feet. Was he the fucking school nurse now? Gotak was about to move and grab Juntae towards him but Baku was holding him firmly in place.

“Don't,” Baku warned.

“Jun,” he called after Juntae, his voice already losing its edge. He sounded weak. Juntae didn't pay him any mind, still in the process of helping Yunjae get on his feet. Once he was standing up, Juntae brought one of his arms over his own shoulders and put one hand around his waist, intending to walk him to the clubroom like that.

“Jun,” Gotak called after him again, pleading. Juntae shot him a quick look and then went back to walking. “Jun, please, I…”

“Gotak, we should leave,” Baku said, tugging at Gotak's arm. The teachers might come if they stayed here any longer. Gotak ignored him, watching Juntae who was slowly moving away from him.

“Seo Juntae, I like you,” Gotak confessed, loud enough so Juntae could hear him. He didn't have time to hesitate now. He heard Baku muttered a small ‘fuck’ next to him and the gasps and instant chatterings from the other students who also heard him but he only watched Juntae. Trying to make out his reactions. Juntae froze.

“Please, Jun. Don't go,” Gotak begged, voice full of desperation. He heard Baku sucked in a breath next to him. 

“Take him somewhere to cool down, Baku,” Juntae said flatly in the end, without turning around. And then he walked away and Gotak could only watch him go, limbs practically tangled with Yunjae's. He felt like crying. His fists loosened on his sides, his legs felt too heavy, and he could hear his heart breaking into a million tiny pieces.

“Fuck,” he said to himself, defeated.

“I'll handle him, Sieun,” Baku said to Sieun, who nodded stiffly. Gotak forgot he was there.

And then, Baku was pulling him away, the gawking students parting in the middle, making a path for them to walk through. Gotak almost tripped a couple of times, his legs weren't cooperating, but Baku was keeping him up as they walked. Soon, they arrived at the bleachers next to the basketball court, where this whole mess started. Gotak scoffed bitterly. Baku shot him a concerned look and then told him to stay there before leaving. Gotak didn't reply and didn't move. Where would he go? Definitely not to Juntae. He didn't think he even deserved to be in his vicinity now.

He thought about the event earlier and groaned. He really fucked up. He was sure that Juntae hated him now. He didn't know what came over him, when he saw the two of them so close together like that his head just went blank and his body moved before his brain could catch up to it. He thought about Juntae's face and his desperate pleas. Fuck, Gotak thought as he covered his eyes with his palms. Juntae looked terrified. He was terrified of him. His eyes burned behind his eyelids and he applied pressure to them with the ball of his palms. Juntae was afraid of him and he probably also hated him and it was all because he was a hot-headed fool.

“Here, take this,” Baku said, sitting down next to Gotak. Gotak dropped his hands and looked at Baku and the cold boxed orange juice in his hand. Gotak took it wordlessly. Then, they just sat in silence, drinking out of the juice boxes. He half-expected Baku to get mad at him for practically assaulting another Eunjang student but so far Baku hadn't done that.

“I know I fucked up,” Gotak said finally, looking down on his foot. “Did you see how scared Jun looked?”

“I saw,” Baku replied simply. “It's natural to be jealous but damn, you can't just beat other people over it like that, man. That poor kid looked terrified.”

That was it, then—jealousy. It was ugly. Gotak didn't reply, keeping his head down.

“Thankfully, it didn't end that badly. You're gonna need to apologise to that kid, though,” Baku decided. Gotak only nodded. “We'll look for him later. For now, just cool your head.”

“I need to see Jun,” Gotak said. Baku hummed.

“Not right now. I don't think he wants to see you just yet,” Baku stated. Gotak knew he was right.

“I don't think I can take it if he never wants to see me again,” Gotak admitted, voice small.

“Okay, chill. That's not going to happen. You just need to give him some space and time,” Baku assured him. Baku was quiet for a moment before he remembered something. “Ah, and you even confessed to him. He needs time to think about that, too.”

Gotak swore under his breath. He did do that. In front of a bunch of random students, too. 

“Fuck, how am I going to face him? First, I scared him and then I embarrassed him in front of everyone,” Gotak said, feeling like tearing his hair off of his head. He really was the worst.

***

Gotak couldn't sleep. He had been trying and failing to sleep for hours. He kept thinking about what happened earlier during lunch and felt worse each time. He knew Baku told him to give Juntae some time but a text shouldn't hurt, right? He just needed Juntae to know that he was sorry. So he got up from his bed and made his way towards his desk, because he felt like this was a desk-and-chair thing and not a bed-and-pillow thing. He opened up the messaging app and clicked on Juntae's name and just stared at the screen, head blank. Shit. Gotak was never good with words. He was more of a doer than a sayer. His thumbs hovered over the on-screen keyboard, frozen in place. He didn't know how to even begin writing a proper apology. 

Dear Juntae, he typed and immediately deleted it because it sounded way too formal and felt like he was writing an email for a colleague.

Hiya, he tried and again deleted it. Why not throw in a yeehaw in there, too?

Fuck. He was so bad at this. He groaned, dropping the phone from his hands and flat onto the desk, then bowed until his forehead hit the desk. Juntae would know what to say, Gotak knew he would. Out of all his friends, Juntae was always the one who was good with words. He was timid and quiet but he often said things that could change someone’s perspective or affect someone’s choices. He knew how to soothe someone with comforting words and how to scold someone without being hurtful. Gotak wished he could ask him for help right now. He wished he could put into words how sorry and regretful he was at the moment but not make it about himself. 

He sat up, finger tapping on his phone screen, turning the screen back on. 03:27AM the clock in the corner of the screen read. He brought his fingers up to muss up his hair, then slid them down his face with a tired groan. He wondered if Juntae was having trouble sleeping like he was. He hoped not. He hoped Juntae was sleeping well, not losing sleep because of him. He imagined it, Juntae in his own room sleeping soundly on his side, maybe hugging a pillow tightly to his chest, body curled slightly into himself. 

He imagined Juntae scrunching his nose and slightly frowning for a second, as if something was disturbing him in his sleep, and then he would relax again. Gotak could see it well because he had watched Juntae sleep a few times in class during breaks, clearly exhausted after staying up all night reading one of his comic books. He had always thought that it was a cute habit. Every time he saw it, he wanted to poke Juntae’s nose but he never did it, in case he woke him up. Gotak felt like crying again. He missed Juntae—terribly.

“Jun…” he whined, pressing the balls of his palms to his eyebrows. He knew he was being ridiculous. It had barely been a day since he last saw Juntae. Fuck, what if Juntae refused to see him tomorrow? What if he refused to see him ever? He couldn’t let that happen. He had to text Juntae tonight and then apologise in person tomorrow. He would beg for it if he needed to. He didn’t think he could take being away from Juntae for much longer. He still had no idea on what to write so he ended up with something simple.

jun, i’m sorry. i let my anger get the best of me. it was my fault and i’m really sorry for putting you through that.

He sent it, not expecting a reply. He didn’t get one.

***

Gotak was perched in front of the school gates way too early the next morning. He didn’t get enough sleep, he felt like shit, and he was sure he looked like shit but he had to be there early. He wanted to catch Juntae and hopefully talk to him. So here he was, standing by the gates, hands fidgeting in his pockets. Students that were coming to school would see him and try not to walk too close. Some would look at him and then start talking among themselves in hushed voices. The entire school was probably already aware of what went down yesterday. Gotak paid them no mind, he couldn’t really care about that right now. He had something more important to care about.

Juntae arrived after about fifteen minutes, a little later than usual. Gotak perked up when he saw him approaching then frowned when he saw how tired Juntae looked. He looked exhausted and his eyes looked a bit puffed up and red, like he had been crying. Gotak’s heart clenched. This was his fault. When Juntae was close enough, Gotak smiled and lifted a hand to give Juntae a little wave. The latter just glanced at him and walked past him without saying a word. 

Gotak’s smile dropped and he froze, his heart dropped to the bottom of his chest. He turned around, watching Juntae’s back moving farther and farther away. It took him an entire minute to finally move his body and run after Juntae. Once he was close enough to Juntae, he stopped catching up to him, opting to walk behind him, keeping his distance. He knew Juntae wouldn’t want Gotak next to him right now so this was the next best thing. Other students watched as Gotak tailed Juntae with his head down, looking like a kicked puppy. 

“Jun,” he called at one point and Juntae didn’t make any indication that he heard him. Gotak shut his mouth for the rest of the way, visibly pouting. 

Once they reached Juntae’s class, Juntae walked in and closed the door behind him and in Gotak’s face without even looking back. Gotak stood there stupidly until a random student meekly asked him to move aside and let him pass. So, defeated, Gotak walked away, dragging his feet towards his own class. He ignored everyone and got to his seat, immediately dropping his head in his arms, groaning loudly. This suuucked. Juntae hated him. He didn’t want to see or talk to him and it was entirely his fault. 

Moments later, he heard Baku before he even entered the room, his voice booming as he greeted everyone across the hallway. Soon, the door slid open and Baku was there, greeting everyone in the class. His voice dropped when he noticed Gotak hunching over at his desk.

“What’s with him?” Baku asked no one in particular.

“No idea, he was like that as soon as he arrived,” someone replied. 

There were some rustling noises, a chair being pulled and placed in front of his desk, then a squeak as someone sat on it Gotak felt a finger poking the top of his head, which could only be Baku’s. He tried to ignore the poking but Baku didn’t stop.

“What’s this Gotak-ssi, did someone die?” Baku asked, still poking on his head. He only pulled his finger away once Gotak made a move to glare at him. Baku gave him a wide smile.

“You, if you don’t quit bothering me,” Gotak replied, trying to sound murderous but the bite was just not there. Baku heard his deflated tone and sighed, his smile became softer and less teasing. He reached for Gotak’s shoulder across the table, giving it a comforting squeeze.

“Did you talk to him?” Baku asked. Gotak let out another groan and dropped his head again. 

“I tried,” Gotak replied, voice muffled by his arm, “but he ignored me.”

Baku cleared his throat and was about to say something but someone beat him to it.

“Heard you got dumped, dude.”

Gotak’s glare was scathing. The guy who was talking immediately quieted down.

“Hey, now, no one got dumped, ” Baku said, trying to mediate the situation.

“Some guys from the other classes said Gotak beat a guy up and then got rejected,” another voice piped up. Gotak looked like he was going to pounce and Baku started sweating. Why was everyone suddenly just running their mouths?

“Fellas, gentlemen,” Baku said, spreading his arms between Gotak and the rest of the class, as if he was trying to get some wild animals to calm down, then point at Gotak with a thumb while looking at the last guy who was speaking, “he might actually start biting, and I might let him if you guys don’t stop talking.” 

It sounded like Baku was joking but looking at Gotak who wasn’t looking too pleased, no one dared make another noise. Satisfied, Baku turned towards Gotak again, crossing his arms on his chest. Gotak also stopped glaring at people and instead mirrored Baku’s pose.

“I don’t think we should join them at lunch,” Baku finally, causing Gotak to yet again groan. He leaned forward, both elbows on the desk, his fingers clutching his hair.

“Bro, you are depraving me of Juntae? Are you serious?” Gotak whined, looking at Baku, betrayed. “I missed him so badly I feel like dying.” A few kids started whispering to each other after Gotak’s proclamation.

“Okay, relax. You’re being too dramatic,” Baku commented, slightly amused, slightly worried. “I’ll talk to him later. If he’s okay with it we’ll join them. If not, then it’s just you and me, buddy.”

”This sucks,” Gotak said. Baku looked offended.

***

Baku left to talk to Juntae after the first period and returned after less than five minutes with an apologetic look on his face. Gotak pouted and dropped his head when he saw it. Baku tried to comfort him but to no avail, Gotak was crushed.

“Let’s go see Yunjae first,” Baku suggested after a while, “you still need to apologise to him.” Gotak made a face. Okay, Baku was right but he really wasn’t in the mood to see the guy. 

“Hey, now, maybe Juntae would be a little more willing to talk to you once you apologise to his friend,” Baku prodded. Gotak thought about it. 

“Fine,” he relented after a few seconds. Baku, obviously pleased, clapped his hands together and pulled Gotak to his feet.

“Let’s go now before you change your mind,” he said.

It took about two minutes for them to reach Yunjae’s class. Gotak didn't ask how Baku knew which one it was. Gotak was standing a bit away from the back door while Baku was looking into the class through the windows, trying to spot the kid. A few other students were watching Baku confusedly. Baku’s searching face morphed into a wide smile once he finally located Yunjae. He lightly knocked on the glass, catching the attention of the guy closest to him, and pointed to Yunjae’s direction, trying to signal the guy to call for Yunjae. 

The kid looked at Baku and pointed at Yunjae with his thumb and Baku nodded enthusiastically. Then, he watched as the guy called Yunjae, who finally noticed Baku who was waving at him. Baku beckoned him to walk out of the class with his hand. Yunjae timidly got up from his seat and approached the back door. 

Yunjae’s face went from perplexed to terrified once he slid the door open and saw Gotak leaning his weight against the opposite wall, his face blank. Baku, noticing the shift in his expressions quickly got in between the two. They could hear the muffled whispers from the other students in the class, while they tried to ogle at the three of them, probably expecting an encore of yesterday’s affairs. Baku gave Yunjae a reassuring smile and the boy slowly walked out of the room, closing the door gently behind him. 

He stood in front of Baku and Gotak, hands clasping tightly in front of him, eyes looking down. Baku nudged Gotak’s shoulder with his, telling him to get on with the apology. Gotak pushed his body off of the wall while looking slightly upwards at Yunjae. When he pushed Yunjae against the wall yesterday, Gotak didn’t really notice that Yunjae was about a head taller than him.

“Sorry,” he finally said after a few moments of silence. Yunjae let out a tiny gasp. 

“Dude, make it sound like you mean it,” Baku commented, clearly unsatisfied with the terse apology. “Sorry, he’s not good with words,” Baku told Yunjae who nodded slowly. Gotak glared at him then uncomfortably rubbed the back of his neck before looking directly at Yunjae who was looking more nervous by the minute.

“Right,” he started, “I’m sorry for, uh, shoving you yesterday. I lost my temper and took it out on you.” Yunjae met his eyes for a second and then went back to looking at the ground.

“I, uh, okay,” Yunjae replied eventually. 

“Are you…hurt anywhere?” Gotak couldn’t recall how hard he’d pushed against Yunjae. He prayed he didn’t leave any marks on the poor boy.

“Um, I’m okay now,” Yunjae said.

“Right, sorry again,” Gotak told him. Yunjae was tall, sure, but he was skinny and definitely wasn’t built for a fight. Gotak watched as he nervously tried to not make eye contact with him, eyes darting from side to side. Gotak really felt bad for attacking someone so meek.

“Awesome!” Baku exclaimed, giving both Gotak’s and Yunjae’s shoulders a tight squeeze. Then, he pulled them into his arms, happily patting their backs. Gotak shrugged his hand off, eyes shooting daggers at him. Baku pouted and placed the hand Gotak shrugged off onto Yunjae’s other shoulder. It almost looked like he was giving Yunjae, who was frozen stiff at the moment, a back hug.

“Look at this mean bastard,” he said, clicking his tongue.

“Let’s just go,” Gotak said, actually feeling just a little bit sorry for Yunjae. Baku sighed and let go of Yunjae. It was only until then that Yunjae seemed to remember to finally breathe.

“Sorry, again,” Gotak apologised again as he grabbed Baku’s upper arm, dragging him away. They had only walked a few steps when they heard a small voice behind them.

“Um, excuse me!”

Yunjae looked uncomfortable when both Gotak’s and Baku’s gazes fell upon him. He started fidgeting with his hands, looking everywhere but at them. 

“He…like…me…that.” Gotak strained his ears, trying to make out what Yunjae was saying.

“What was that?” Baku asked from next to him. Yunjae startled and then gulped,blinking rapidly.

“H-he said he doesn’t like me…like that,” he replied with a slightly louder voice. “Juntae said…yesterday. I asked,” he clarified. Gotak wasn’t entirely sure why Yunjae was telling him this, and by the look on his face it seemed like Yunjae wasn’t quite sure why, too. Now he kind of felt bad for the guy. He almost got beaten up and what, got rejected after?

Yunjae remained standing there awkwardly, maybe waiting for Gotak to say something. After almost a minute, he let out a cough into his fist and made a move to walk back into his class. Baku, who had been quietly observing the scene, poked Gotak on his arm.

“Did he…did he say anything else?” Gotak asked, stopping Yunjae in his tracks. Did he say anything about me? Did he bring up my confession? Gotak thought, but didn’t say out loud.

“Oh,” Yunjae said, as if understanding what Gotak was trying to say, “um, no, that was it, sorry.” Yeah, that was to be expected. Gotak wouldn’t peg Juntae as someone who would reject a person and then bring up another guy right after. 

“Right,” Gotak said, slightly disappointed. Yunjae waited and when he figured Gotak had nothing more to say, he awkwardly pointed to his classroom’s door and hurriedly walked back into the class once Baku gave him a thumbs up.

“Right,” Baku echoed, “we should get back, too.”

The walk back to their class was mostly quiet. Baku would occasionally talk and wave to some random kids before resuming the silent walk. Gotak paid him no mind and kept on walking, thinking back to Yunjae’s words. Juntae didn’t like Yunjae… Gotak wondered if there was a chance that Juntae had someone he liked? By someone he meant himself. 

Once they were a few distance away from their class Baku suddenly spoke:

“Isn’t that great? At least you’ve got one less competition.”

Gotak shrugged. One less competition didn’t mean there wouldn’t be any at all. He recalled Baku’s words: Who knows if there are others like him.

***

Juntae had been ignoring Gotak for days, four whole days to be exact. It was already Friday. 

Gotak had been pathetically tailing behind Juntae every morning from the gates to his class and every evening, after classes were over, from his class to the bus stop. Occasionally, Juntae would glance at him every once in a while but then kept pretending that he wasn’t there. His friends had been giving him varying levels of pitying looks every time they saw him. At one point, Sieun had even pulled him aside and had asked him to stop because he’d started to feel very bad watching Gotak look like a lost puppy. Gotak couldn’t help it; Juntae hadn’t been talking to him and he hadn’t even been replying to his texts. He could only follow him around, if he wanted to get his daily fill of Juntae. 

Once the last class ended for the day, Gotak immediately bolted up from his seat and made his way towards Juntae’s class, Baku following closely behind him. Sieun saw them approaching and shook his head.

“Not today,” he said once Gotak and Baku were close enough, “we’re going to the library and you’re going to be a distraction if you’re there.” Juntae, who was behind Sieun, said nothing. Gotak wanted to protest but then Baku clasped a hand on his shoulder.. 

“Got it, Sieun. I’ll take care of him,” Baku told Sieun. Sieun nodded, giving Gotak a look, and then he walked away, pulling Juntae with him. 

Baku and Gotak walked not too far behind the other two, Gotak eyes unwavering from Juntae’s back. They separated once they got to the intersection, Sieun and Juntae went one way while Baku and Gotak walked towards the underpass. Gotak watched as Juntae walked farther and disappeared around the corner before he jogged after Baku.

“I’m at my limit, man,” he announced.

“I know,” Baku acknowledged. 

“Next time I see him, I’m not going to let him get away,” said Gotak, determined. 

“Don’t tell me you’re gonna wait for him outside of his house or something like that.” Okay, Gotak actually thought about doing that but in the end decided against it.

“What? Obviously, not. I mean I’ll just see him at school,” he replied. 

The rest of the way, they just talked about random things. Baku did most of the talking while Gotak interjected here and there. They were mid-argument and close to the one end of the underpass when they spotted the unmistakable maroon of Ganghak’s uniform. Gotak frowned and Baku’s face hardened. 

“Eh, how unexpected,” said Geum Seongje, grinning, “fancy seeing you guys here.” He approached them unhurriedly, one hand stuck in his pocket. Gotak doubted it was unexpected. For some reason, Seongje spent a lot of his time messing with kids from Eunjang. Baku had asked once and he had said that they weren’t special and that he had also been beating up kids from other schools. Gotak had thought that Seongje should maybe get a proper hobby. 

“Why the fuck are you here again?” Gotak asked. He swore that they had been seeing the guy a lot often lately, mostly near the underpass and a few times at the intersections at the end of the school road. This had been like the second time they’d seen him this week, luckily both of the times it was just Baku and him. Seongje always acted a lot weirder when Sieun and Juntae were present, for reasons unknown to Gotak.

Seongje made a show of peeking behind them, his grin faltering a little once he saw that there really was no one else with them.

“Hm, is the little lamb not with you two? Where’s he at?” he asked, stopping a few metres from the duo. Gotak furrowed his eyebrows. Seongje probably thought they had no idea who he was talking about so he continued talking.

“The cutie,” he explained, “the little one with the glasses.”

“No way,” Gotak heard Baku said, he sounded both horrified and regaled. Yeah, no fucking way. First Yunjae, now this bastard?

“What the fuck do you want with him?” Gotak asked, voice icy.

“Whoa, so hostile,” Seongje remarked with a little chuckle. “Can’t a guy ask about the person he’s interested in?” His eyes went from Baku to Gotak, studying their reactions. Baku looked a bit amused but still guarded. Gotak clenched his fists tightly on his sides, fiercely glaring at Seongje. The latter, seemingly delighted by the reactions, grinned widely, showing his gums.

“Huh, what’s this? A rival?” Seongje asked, tilting his head slightly, still grinning. There was a little bounce in his feet when he took a single step back. Now both of his hands were in his pockets as he stood there, putting his weight on the foot behind him.

“Rival my ass, you bastard. You’re not even in the running,” Gotak replied.

“Ain’t this fucker lively?” Seongje scoffed, directing the question at Baku before looking at Gotak. “I’m not so sure that you’re in the running either. Doesn’t sound like you got him in the bag to me.”

“Oof, that’s a sore spot,” Baku said quietly. Knowing him, Gotak guessed he was probably only trying to say it in his head but still ended up voicing it out loud. Gotak gave him a glare and Baku looked at him apologetically. Baku’s voice was quiet but clearly Seongje heard him because he started snickering.

“Did you get rejected?” he speculated and when Gotak's face soured, he brought a hand to his lips, looking way too gleeful for Gotak’s liking.

“I did not get rejected, you fucker,” Gotak claimed, voice steely. Baku sensing Gotak’s worsening mood, grabbed one of his arms, holding him back just in case he decided to jump Seongje.

“Oh my god, you really did,” Seongje concluded, sounding elated. “Well, good news for me. With the poor guard dog out of the way,” he sneered, looking down at Gotak, shifting his weight onto his other foot, his body now leaning a bit forward, “doesn’t that mean the lovely little lamb is left defenseless?”

“You best stay away from him, you four-eyed bastard,” Gotak seethed, unclenching and clenching his fists. Baku’s hold on him became tighter. 

“Can’t promise that,” Seongje said, shrugging while shifting his weight back to his foot behind him, “after all, someone’s gotta charm him.”

“Alright, that’s enough,” Baku finally spoke, putting himself between Gotak and Seongje. “Let’s go,” he said to Gotak, pulling him away from Seongje, then he pointed to the Seongje, “and you, shut your mouth and stay away from Juntae.”

Seongje just chuckled, lifting both arms in surrender. Gotak and Baku very much doubted he would listen. The fucker really didn’t seem like someone who would listen to someone’s warnings. 

“I’m bored, I’m leaving,” Seongje said, giving them a mock salute before really walking away.

Once they came out through the other end of the underpass, Gotak took out his phone and navigated to Sieun’s contact, shooting him a quick message.

be careful. the ganghak’s fucker is into jun. call me if he bothers u guys.

A few seconds later he received two replies from Sieun, one just being a single question mark and the other a simple ‘Okay’. 

“Do you think he was being serious? About liking Jun?” Gotak was having trouble trying to even talk about it. How the fuck did that maniac even end up getting interested in Juntae. 

“I don’t think so,” Baku replied, and then added as an afterthought, “well, maybe.” 

Gotak groaned loudly.

Great.

***

Gotak was just lounging in his bed, one hand behind his head, the other scrolling through random videos on his phone, trying not to think about the encounter from earlier in the evening. He was half-way through a cat video when his notification went off. His eyes directly went to the notification bar and when he saw Juntae’s name he was so shocked the phone ended up slipping out of his hand, onto his face, hard, and then slid to one side of his head, on his pillow. Gotak cursed, rubbing the sore spot on his cheek. 

He was in pain but that really didn’t matter much at the moment. Gotak groped around the area besides his head for his phone and once he got a hold of it he practically jumped out of his bed, hands shaking a little as he nervously clicked on the message.

‘go hyuntak, come pick me up.’

Gotak didn’t waste even one more second, he quickly sent an ‘ok’ as a reply, got out of his room, put on a pair of slippers at the front door, and ran all the way to the library. His lungs felt like they were on fire and his feet were starting to get sore but he just kept pushing, not faltering even a little. In hindsight, he should’ve actually opted for a pair of shoes instead of slippers. 

The slippers made slapping sounds every time each of his feet met the ground as Gotak carefully but hurriedly navigated his way between other pedestrians and around other obstacles. He wasn’t going to let anything get in his way. Juntae finally wanted to see him and Gotak didn’t want to make him wait longer than necessary. 

When the familiar building came into view, Gotak's feet slowed down a little and eventually stopped right in front of the entrance, right as Juntae, Sieun, and Suho were leaving the building. Gotak was bending down, his hands on his knees, greedily gulping in air, and at some point ended up in a coughing fit. The other three watched concernedly as he desperately tried to stop coughing and straightened up his upper body, bracing both of his hands on his hips.

“Dude, what the fuck?” Suho eventually said once Gotak calmed down, his breathing was no longer desperate. “Did you just run all the way from your place?”

Snapped out from his staring by Suho’s words, Juntae quickly walked towards Gotak, pulling out a water bottle from his backpack. He twisted the cap open and held the bottle out to Gotak, almost directly onto his mouth.

“Drink,” he ordered and Gotak complied, downing the content of the bottle like his life depended on it. “Slow down,” Juntae said, hands hovering to the sides of Gotak's, almost caging them in. Once the bottle was empty, Gotak wiped the little bit of water that ended up dripping out from the corners of his mouth with the back of his hand. He didn’t miss the way Juntae’s eyes dropped to his lips briefly before he grabbed the bottle back from Gotak, putting the cap back on, and returning the bottle into his bag.

“It hasn’t even been fifteen minutes since I texted you and you live thirty minutes away,” Juntae mentioned, not looking at Gotak.

“You finally want to see me, Jun. I can’t help it, I got a bit excited,” Gotak said, smiling at Juntae.

“A bit?” Juntae echoed incredulously, his eyes finally met Gotak’s, which immediately softened at the contact. Oh, how he missed this, just looking at Juntae.

“Your slippers are mismatched, by the way,” Sieun pointed, snapping Gotak’s gaze away from Juntae. 

Sieun and Suho were now standing behind Juntae, he hadn’t noticed when they had approached them. Suho was laughing as both he and Sieun looked down at Gotak’s feet, which prompted Juntae and him to follow suit. His slippers were definitely not of the same pair. The colours, styles, and sizes were definitely different—one of them wasn't even his. He hadn’t been paying attention when he was putting them on and had hurriedly put on just whichever ones that were closest. It was no wonder that his feet were hurting like crazy, which he tried not to show, not wanting to make Juntae worry.

“Okay, I was in a hurry,” he remarked after a while. Suho snorted and he could see a hint of a smile dancing at the corners of Sieun’s lips.

“You’re silly.” He heard Juntae say quietly, looking at Gotak through his lashes, a soft smile on his lips. The wind was gently blowing and he felt the coldness of the night against his skin. He watched as Juntae's bangs were slightly rustled by the breeze. Oh, wow. Gotak was suddenly aware of how close they were, standing basically toes to toes. His hands twitched on his sides, He could grab onto Juntae’s arms and pull him even closer, he could hold Juntae’s face and maybe guide his chin upwards, he could easily bend down and meet his lips. Gotak was extremely tempted, his eyes drifting from Juntae’s eyes to his lips. He gulped.

“Whoa, there, cowboy,” Suho suddenly said, nervousness creeping into his voice, as if sensing what Gotak was thinking about, “we’re still here, in case you forgot.” He gestured at Sieun and himself then gave Gotak a knowing look. Gotak coughed awkwardly into his fist, and then sheepishly took a step backwards, putting a little bit more space between Juntae and himself since apparently his self-control was a bit lacking. Juntae glanced between Gotak and Suho then widened his eyes once it dawned on him. A lovely shade of blush blossomed on his face and he resorted to looking down at his feet.

“Not sure if leaving Juntae with you is a good idea now,” Sieun commented. 

“Dude,” Gotak said. 

“I’ll be fine, Sieun!” Juntae exclaimed at the same time. Sieun blinked and then eyed Gotak suspiciously, conveying his distrust of him silently. Gotak was a little offended.

“Juntae’s a big boy, he can handle this,” Suho said, trying to assure Sieun. Juntae nodded, supporting Suho’s claim. Sieun was still hesitating, looking between Gotak and Juntae. Suho finally managed to steer Sieun away from them when he started complaining that his feet were hurting. Sieun immediately put all of his attention on Suho. Juntae gave Suho a couple of thumbs ups behind Sieun, which Suho replied with a wink. 

“You behave,” Suho said pointedly to Gotak, shaking his index finger in his direction. And then Suho and Sieun left, leaving Gotak and Juntae on the sidewalk. 

“You should go home,” Juntae said as soon as the other duo was out of view. 

“What? No way,” Gotak protested. He had already come all this way, he wasn’t going to waste the chance to be with Juntae.

“Your feet are clearly hurt,” Juntae countered, looking up at him and pouting.

“They’re fine, Jun,” Gotak lied, “I’m walking you home. It’s already so late.” 

Realising that Gotak wasn’t about to change his mind, Juntae harrumped and started walking away without saying anything to him, so Gotak quickly caught up to him and walked beside him, wincing slightly after each step. Juntae clearly noticed, glancing at him repeatedly and frowning. They kept walking and Juntae stopped once they were in front of a convenience store. 

“Wait here,” Juntae told him, pointing to one of the benches in front of the store. Gotak nodded, not wanting to argue and relieved that he could rest his legs for a moment. Juntae went inside the store as soon as Gotak sat on the bench. A few minutes later, he walked out, a pair of slippers in Gotak’s size in one hand, and a plastic bag filled with some stuff in the other. 

“Slip those off,” Juntae said, pointing to his mismatched slippers. Gotak complied, slipping the slippers off and then placed his feet on top of them. 

Juntae moved to kneel in front of him, taking out a pack of antibacterial wipes from the plastic bag, and pulled a couple sheets of the wipes from the pack. Before Gotak could protest, Juntae began wiping down one of Gotak’s feet, careful not to apply too much pressure on certain areas of his skin that looked a tad redder than the rest. After that, he wiped it dry with a tissue and then started applying some kind of ointment on the painful looking areas before carefully slipping Gotak's foot into the new slipper. He kept muttering a small ‘sorry’ every time Gotak winced or let out a hiss. Once he was done, he moved onto Gotak’s other foot, giving it the same treatment. Gotak watched wordlessly, letting Juntae treat him with focus, his eyebrows furrowed and lips faintly frowning. He looked adorable.

“Done,” Juntae announced at last while wiping his hands with clean wet wipes. Then he got up, taking the used tissues with him, and dumping them in a nearby bin. “You’ll need to wash them later and re-apply the ointment,” he said, giving Gotak’s instructions for later.

“Okay, thanks,” Gotak replied, grabbing the plastic bag Juntae was holding out to him. He bent down to grab his mismatched slippers and then got to his feet. Juntae started walking away and he followed. They walked in silence, only the sounds of the plastic bag scrunching and random vehicles driving by filling it in occasionally. 

“I'm sorry,” Gotak said ultimately, no longer able to stand the quietness. Juntae said nothing so he continued, “y’know, for before? I…” he hesitated, “I got jealous and ended up hurting your friend. I ended up hurting you.”

“I'm really sorry, Jun,” he added. He didn't mention the confession.

“I hate it,” Juntae said after a moment passed. Gotak felt his stomach drop. He wanted to utter another apology but found that he was unable to voice it out. He let Juntae’s disappointed tone wash over him like cold water, fist clenching on the objects he was holding.

“I really hate watching you do that to someone obviously much weaker than you are. I’ve experienced being on the receiving end of something like that and I know it’s horrible. Tak-ah, I’ve always admired you, you know? How kind and strong you are. How you’re always ready to help people out, defend those who couldn’t do it for themselves. So, your outburst really shocked me. I don't like seeing you use your strength to do something like that and I hate that I wasn’t able to stop you,” Juntae admitted, fidgeting with his hands. 

Gotak listened to him, his shame gnawing at him. Juntae thought so highly of him and he ended up just letting him down and making him recall his terrible experiences. He really was the worst.

“I regret it,” Gotak said once he found his voice. “I really do. I let my emotions overpower me and just…” he trailed off, “I won’t do it again, Jun. I promise. I'll be better. I’m sorry.” He wanted—needed—Juntae to trust him. The thought of disappointing Juntae again made him feel sick.

“Okay,” Juntae replied, voice small. “Next time you feel angry or, um, jealous can you please talk to me? Don’t just start attacking people.”

“Okay,” Gotak responded promptly. There was a beat and then he told Juntae, “I went to see him, Yunjae, the other day to apologise. Baku was with me, in case you're worried.” In case, I act out.

“I know, Yunjae told me.” He stole a glance at Gotak’s direction and then stared right back ahead. “I don’t like him, you know,” he clarified. Gotak nodded slowly, looking at Juntae and noticing the faint blush colouring his cheeks. He almost asked if Juntae had anyone whom he liked and again told him he liked him but decided against it. He wasn’t sure if it was the right time. He’d already pretty much fucked up his first attempt, so he’d prefer not messing up his next one.

“What’re your thoughts on Geum Seongje?” he asked instead. Talking about Yunjae made him recall his encounter with the guy, how he had announced his interest in Juntae. 

“What?” Juntae looked confused.

“He’s interested in you,” Gotak said, pained. Why the fuck was he saying all these things? Juntae looked like he was about to say something about that statement but in the end he shut his mouth, looking thoughtful. Curious, Gotak asked, “What? What is it?”

“Um,” Juntae hesitated, “I found him a few weeks ago, slumped against the wall in a random alley. Apparently, some guys managed to catch him by surprise and got him pretty good.”

“What? Were you alone?”

“I was alone, yeah. I was on the way home from the supermarket,” Juntae answered. “Anyways, I found him there and ended up patching him up a bit at a nearby park.”

Gotak said nothing, just stared at Juntae incredulously. Was Juntae not aware of the concept of stranger danger?

“I couldn’t just leave him there like that, Tak-ah,” Juntae explained, expecting what Gotak was thinking about.

“You definitely could,” Gotak insisted.

“I couldn’t,” Juntae stressed. Juntae was too nice and it was making Gotak lose his mind. “I recognised him so I helped him. And then he thanked me and that was it.”

It did not sound like that was it to Gotak. So what? Seongje got interested because Juntae had helped him out that one time? How come Juntae never told him about this? 

“Wait, is that why he’s been hanging around?” 

“I don’t think so? I don’t know. Maybe,” Juntae replied, undecided. “It’s fine, it wasn’t like he was causing trouble.” Juntae tried to sound convincing. Gotak thought about it. Juntae was kind of right. Lately, Seongje would just come to be annoying and then leave. But, still… 

“I think you should stop helping random guys, Jun,” Gotak suggested. Juntae was cute and too unguarded. Gotak wished he could be with him all the time so he could shield Juntae from other guys. “I’m being serious, Jun. They keep falling for you.”

“You’re being ridiculous,” Juntae chided. Gotak really didn’t think he was being ridiculous because he obviously was right? As far as he knew, that had been the case for both Yunjae and Seongje. 

“Do you like him?” Gotak needed to know. 

“What? No, I don’t,” Juntae replied instantly. Gotak sighed, relieved. “He’s handsome but he’s not really my type.” 

Handsome?

“Never tell him that. Actually, never say that ever again,” Gotak told Juntae very seriously.

“You’re too much but okay,” Juntae agreed, giggling. Gotak was stressed.

The rest of the walk was spent in silence and soon Juntae’s apartment building came into view. Once they were near the entrance, Juntae stopped and turned towards Gotak, halting him in place. Gotak caught the look of concern on Juntae’s face, his eyebrows furrowing, his lips in a pout. He looked so adorable it pinched at Gotak;s heart. He wanted to reach out and pinch his cheeks. He didn’t, though. He kind of felt that he didn’t deserve to do that just yet. 

“Make sure to use the ointment, okay? And get some rest,” Juntae reminded him while pushing one side of his glasses up the bridge of his nose with a curled index finger, looking up at him. Gotak stared, belatedly realising that Juntae looking up at him was a bit dangerous for his heart. He could feel it pumping hard against his chest. He wondered if Juntae could hear it. 

“Tak-ah?” Juntae touched his wrist. Gotak felt the heat on his skin, starting from the patch of skin that Juntae touched and travelling up his arms, neck, and eventually his face. It took him a few more seconds to register that Juntae was waiting for his reply so he cleared his throat and nodded.

“Okay, I will, don’t worry,” he said. Juntae withdrew his hand and Gotak almost begged him to keep it on him.

“I will worry,” Juntae told him with a smile. “I always worry about you,” he continued, still not looking away from him. Gotak felt his throat dry up.

“Okay,” He all but squeaked out, voice breaking, drawing a chuckle from Juntae. He wanted to drink it up. 

“I really like you, Jun.” The confession made its way out of him before he could stop it. His eyes widened, mouth opening and closing, but no more words came out. Juntae mirrored him, red-faced. They both looked like fish out of water. Perhaps, Suho was rubbing off on him. “That is, uh, you don’t have to answer me now. I just want you to know,” he said once he got his voice back. He congratulated himself for managing to mess up not one, but two confessions in a row. Good job, stupid.

“Alright,” Juntae eventually replied, nodding his head, cheeks still burning. “Well, I…should get going.” He pointed towards the entrance behind him. Gotak nodded. 

Juntae gave him a small wave, turned around, and walked away. Six steps away, Gotak counted, he stopped then slowly turned around and walked towards him. He stopped right in front of him, shifting from one foot to another, looking somewhat nervous. He looked up at Gotak, down at his feet, and then back up at Gotak’s face. Gotak waited, not knowing what to expect. 

So, when Juntae finally surged upwards, standing up on tiptoe, both his hands braced on Gotak’s shoulder, and planted a shy peck on his cheek, Gotak froze. and stopped breathing, his heart hammering wildly against his chest. This time he was sure Juntae could hear it, could feel it. His grips went lax and the plastic bag and slippers slipped out of his hands, clattering to the ground. Just as quick as the little kiss landed, Juntae stepped back looking shyly at him, fidgeting with his glasses. Gotak remained unmoving, his eyes wide as saucers, mouth hanging open. 

“I like you, too. See you on Monday,” Juntae said hurriedly, bent down to pick up the objects on the ground, returned them into Gotak’s hands, and then left. 

Gotak had to be standing at the same spot for at least ten minutes. A couple walked by and gave him a weird look but said nothing. When he regained his composure, he practically floated all the way home, the pain in his feet forgotten, and the spot on his cheek still tingling from Juntae’s kiss. 

The next morning he woke up to a good morning text from Juntae which he immediately replied to and a text from Baku: ‘grats bro lol juntae told sieun who told suho who told me abt last night hehe u can thank me w a choco milk on monday’ and about three rows of emojis.

Gotak couldn’t even be mad, he was in a terrific mood.

He couldn’t wait until Monday, so he sent Juntae a quick message to meet up, got ready, and rushed outside once he received Juntae’s reply. This time he made sure to actually put on his shoes before leaving the house, excitedly making his way towards Juntae’s place.