Work Text:
The news was on in the shop and Miyoko caught bits and pieces of the noise as they entered.
“Pro Heroes were on the scene again after a villain took out two buildings on this busy street yesterday. So far - there have been no survivors found among the debris. We had a chance to talk with the hero, Relay, about their role in the failed rescues but they had no comment.”
Miyoko watched their face appear on the screen, looking about as exhausted and broken as they currently felt. Emotionless in the face of pure tragedy. And sure enough, they had said nothing to the reporter. Half because the woman’s question had been rather insensitive and rude, and the other half because what were they supposed to say?
“What a heartless hero, huh? All those dead and they can’t even pretend to be upset.”
The clerk looked over at them and Miyoko knew that there was no way he would recognize them as the hero he was insulting. Miyoko kept their appearance as Relay very different from their civilian look for a reason. This wasn’t a goaded attack on them, but a genuine civilian response.
Something about that hurt worse.
The clerk watched them turn around and leave without saying a word. He must have been so confused about it, but Miyoko didn’t care. Heartless? Is that what they really think about me? They tried to distract themselves by thinking of something else, but they couldn’t. The insult clung to them like a poisoned bur.
Shouta answered the door for them in his costume, probably on his way out for patrol. Hizashi would likely want to join after dinner, but he never did bail on their dinner plans if he could help it. The foster siblings already had enough trouble finding time together in their schedules as it was.
The same news segment was on in the living room when they entered and Miyoko felt something tight in their chest upon seeing their face displayed again. “Damn media villains…” they caught Hizashi saying before the man noticed them.
Miyoko’s lips pressed into a tight line and they slipped silently past the couple and towards the bathroom.
In the bathroom, Miyoko caught themselves looking in the mirror. Their features were, as per usual, emotionless. They had always felt they portrayed themselves calmly, but with an air of positivity that was made to calm others. They had never realized it never translated to their face. They barely knew how to smile - how were they supposed to look properly emotional during a search and rescue operation? And what kind of emotion did you show during such an operation? When there were dozens being pulled from the rubble – lifeless bodies that you had failed to save?
Miyoko clung to the sink, arms starting to shake. They didn’t understand.
They pressed their fingers to the sides of their face, trying to lift the edges of their frown. They managed but it looked wrong on their features, as if it would never belong. Miyoko sighed and left the bathroom.
Miyoko helped Hizashi finish up the last of dinner. They noted that Hizashi had thankfully changed the channel to something other than the news. Miyoko was sure the segment about the attack would repeat a few more times and they didn’t think they could handle seeing it again. The clerk’s words repeated in their head, what a heartless hero…
They ate without talking, which wasn’t much like them. Usually between the two of them, their conversation kept their hands so busy it took an extra hour for them to eat. Miyoko didn’t even notice that they had barely lifted their head to look at their brother until the other was tapping on the table to get their attention.
“The news folk really got to you, didn’t they?”
“It’s really not that big of a deal. Just the usual…” They dropped their hands back to their plate, but when they lifted their chopsticks, their hands shook.
“Miyo…”
“Hizashi…do you think…do you think I’m heartless?”
Now it was Hizashi’s turn to purse his lips together. “Someone said something to you, didn’t they? Was it the media hounds, you know how much I hate–”
Miyoko couldn’t help but hone in on the fact that that wasn’t an answer and their insides plummeted. Hizashi thought so too. They were heartless, a monster . Miyoko felt the world crashing down on them, a darkness closing in.
“No. A civilian – he’s right isn’t he? I never emote like I should, especially on scene. I can’t cry, I don’t get upset. I just…work.”
Miyoko felt their insides twisting and turning, like someone was playing with their organs. The TV started to get louder in the distance, the amplitude of the waves growing as Miyoko let their control waver.
“But what else am I supposed to do?” they went on, “If I falter, more people could die. How could anyone ever think that - that it doesn’t bother me? How could you think that – after everything – all those people, all those dead …”
Miyoko felt something snap inside, the tears coming unbidden down their face. “How could anyone think I was heartless?”
Their shaking hands pressed to their eyes as sobs rattled out of them. Of course it bothered them, of course of course of course. It haunted them. All those people…all those dead, they suffocated Miyoko. Of all the people they had failed to find in time.
Hizashi watched them in surprise at first. Finally, he stood and reached out to grab them by the shoulders, pulling them into a loose embrace. The younger hero shook in his arms, muttering words against his chest that neither of them could hear. They stayed like that for several minutes, Hizashi simply letting the other cry, letting them get it out. Miyoko needed this.
Eventually, he pulled away and indicated he needed Miyoko to look at him. They dropped one hand slowly, the other trying uselessly to brush their eyes clear.
“I don’t think you’re heartless, Miyo. I know you’re not. You’re like Sho…you care so much and you just don’t show it like other people. That’s not a failure of yours, okay?”
Miyoko nodded, clarity settling in. Of course Hizashi wouldn’t doubt them, how could they ever think he would?
“I’m not going to say the media and civilians won’t think differently or that it’s going to be easy to accept how they view you. It won’t be. But it’s important that you know it’s not on you to change their mind. You’re already a great hero, right? So keep being you.”
A relieved sigh echoed from their lungs as the sobs came to a rest and Miyoko nodded. “Yeah,” they murmured aloud.
Hizashi smiled, standing to his feet and ruffling the younger’s hair. “Now come on and eat. If we’re lucky we’ll catch Sho before he makes his first round.”