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Although he was hoping Jared would take him up on his offer to bring dinner over, Jensen was still shocked when Jared actually called him. He had become so accustomed to Jared keeping his private life sectioned off that he half expected the younger man to come up with some excuse as to why they shouldn’t have dinner together. But then Jared let down the wall and Jensen’s heart almost exploded with the prospect of getting a chance to see what was behind the curtain.
He hadn’t seen Jared in almost two weeks. Well that wasn’t completely true; he had gone to visit Jared in the hospital both days he was there so technically he hasn’t seen the man in 12 days, sort of. Since he hadn’t seen Jared in 12 days, he also hadn’t seen the twins. Actually, he hadn’t seen Arianna in 12 days. He saw Brooke 10 days ago when he stopped at the hospital to check in on her. Apparently Brooke was having a hard time finding a steady breathing rhythm and her doctors had wanted to keep her an extra two days to monitor her. It wasn’t planned , but when Jensen was standing outside the nursery, the fact that he had no parental ties to Brooke relegating him to merely looking at her, Jared showed up beside him. Jared just gave him a strange look, like he wasn’t quite sure what to make of Jensen or he couldn’t understand why Jensen would be so concerned with Brooke. But if he felt that way, he didn’t vocalize it. Instead they had fallen into a casual conversation about the twins before Jensen left so that Jared could feed his daughter. Leaving that day created a nagging sensation in Jensen’s gut, but he wasn’t part of that little family and he could lay no claim to them.
It is the longest amount of time he has gone without having any interaction with Jared since he’s met him. The Jared shaped hole in his life is making him feel listless and he hates to think about what that means. Never has he let something or someone become so entwined in his life, and the saddest part was that Jared didn’t even know the power he had over him.
So when Jared told Jensen he could really use some company and asked him to come over the first thing Jensen does is forget how to talk. But he heard the hesitation in Jared’s voice, almost like the man expects Jensen to retract his original offer. Wanting nothing more than to show Jared he needn’t feel like that – ever – he found his voice and tells him he’ll be there with dinner the next night.
He has no idea what to expect as he makes his way to the man’s apartment, choosing to take the stairs rather than the elevator. Waiting in front of Jared’s door, the empty feeling the last 12 days has created is dissipating. In its place is a mix of nerves and excitement. Just being here is more than he expected and he doesn’t have any second thoughts but he has crossed over the line between having a work relationship and socializing outside of the office. He knows things between him and Jared have changed, they have been changing for weeks. Regardless of what happens tonight, being trapped in that elevator two weeks ago changed everything. But he supposed that delivering someone’s twins would change any type of relationship. The thing that made Jensen nervous is that he didn’t know exactly how their relationship would change.
When Jared finally pulled the door open it was with tired eyes, a burp cloth over his shoulder, and an infant slumped across the left side of his chest, her chubby cheek resting on the cloth. “Hi.” His eyes lit up briefly and his mouth turned up into a smile. “You found my place okay?”
Jensen shot the man a huge smile, one side of his lips pulling up higher than the other. “Yeah. Yeah, your directions were perfect.” He held up a bag, “I brought dinner, as promised.”
“You didn’t have to.” Jared moved aside so that the older man could enter, keeping one hand flat against the baby’s back to keep her secure.
“I know. I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t mean it.” Stepping into the apartment Jensen took a preliminary look around. The room was decorated contemporarily but it was densely scattered with baby gear. Though he wanted to study the apartment more in hopes of learning some new information about his secretary, he brought his eyes back to Jared. The younger man was dressed in black lounge wear, hair falling softly in his face. It is the most casual he has ever seen Jared, but the obvious deviation from work is refreshing. “You look…”
Jared rolled his eyes and cut Jensen off. “Exhausted? Like I haven’t slept in two days? Like I’m still pregnant?”
“Umm…” Jensen raised an eyebrow, realizing he was dealing with an exposed nerve. “I was going to say pretty damn good for just having twins.”
Jared flushed. “I’m sorry. I’m just…” Jared used his free hand to run it through his hair. “I’m so tired.”
Freezing, Jensen doesn’t exactly know what to say. Jared does look tired but he looks adorable, in the type of ‘little kid who stayed up too late’ kind of way. He also doesn’t want to start their first date off by insulting him. “Well if you weren’t tired then I would worry that there was something wrong with your girls. Speaking of which…” He stepped around Jared so he could lean down to the eyelevel of the infant Jared was holding. “Hey Brooke. How are you doing cutie? You got so big.”
Eyes popping wider with surprise, Jared turned so that he was facing Jensen directly. “How did you know this one was Brooke?”
Shrugging, “I dunno. I just felt like she was Brooke.” Jensen doesn’t exactly know how he knew either, but the words were out of his mouth before he even remembered that Brooke and Arianna are identical. He runs a finger over the newborn’s cheek and his heart flutters. She is so sweet and serene and Jensen can’t help but just know she is Jared’s second born.
“My family can’t even tell them apart.” Jared takes a step into the main room of the apartment, nodding his head to gesture that Jensen should follow him. He laid a very sleepy Brooke in a portable crib beside her twin. Arianna’s arms were sprawled out above her head, her bow lips parted in the type of sleep that only newborns can seem to find.
“How do you tell them apart?” Jensen smiled, trying to see any differences between the two sisters.
Laughing softly, Jared sighed. “Well right now Arianna wears purple and Brooke wears pink. I can tell the difference between them but no one else can…except for you apparently. Brooke is a little smaller, but not by much.”
“They’re beautiful.” Studying the infants for a moment, Jensen couldn’t help but realize how much they have grown in the 10 days he didn’t see them.
“Thanks.” Through the exhaustion, Jared’s level of pride is unmistakable. “They’re pretty amazing.”
The moment seems to freeze and there is a tension that develops between them but rather than acknowledge it they both fall into silence and study the sleeping infants. Jensen doesn’t know what to talk about because he isn’t sure how willing Jared is to open up. He also knows that what they went through taught them more about each other than meaningless chit chat could. Add that to the fact that for over a year they’ve been having the type of safe conversations that one would have on a first date, and Jensen doesn’t know where to start. He feels like they made some headway, learned some real facts about each other, during his visits to the hospital, but those were just baby steps. They’re clearly well beyond first date conversation material, only they aren’t quite past first date uneasiness.
Clearing his throat, as if it would clear the awkwardness of the situation, Jared pulls away from the crib. “So, um, do you want anything to drink?”
“Water is fine.” Jensen follows his secretary to the kitchen and put his bags on the counter. He pulled the containers he brought with him out and set them in a line. “I didn’t know what you had in your kitchen so I figured it would be easier if I cooked at my place and we can just reheat it.” Tapping one container, “I come bearing homemade meatballs and sauce. All you need to do is boil some water for the spaghetti.” When Jared held a glass of water out towards him and said nothing, his voice became less confident. “That is, if you like spaghetti and meatballs.”
Shaking his head, Jared was quick to answer. “Oh no, no! That sounds great! I just feel bad that you went through such trouble. I should be treating you to dinner. I feel like that would be the least I could do after everything you’ve done for me. I mean…” He blushed with the thought, “…You kind of….”
“Stop.” Jensen smiled, hoping Jared understood its genuineness. “I missed seeing you –“ As soon as the phrase leaves his mouth Jensen realizes that he might be coming off too strong and he scrambles to cover up the truth. “– around the office. It’s just not the same without you.” Looking at the younger man it is hard to read the expression on his face.
Jared’s eyes sparkle and then dim but he keeps his smile firmly in place. “Ahh haa.” Swinging a pot of water onto the stove, Jared set it on high to bring it to a boil. “Is the temp handling everything okay?”
The truth is, Jensen hasn’t been working all too much. He’s been too distracted visiting Jared. And when he isn’t visiting him he is missing him and the twins. He watched them come into the world and the whole event left him with something he just couldn’t shake. From the minute he held both of them it was love at first sight. The feelings are all there, but Jensen cannot figure out any reason why he should care about them so much. He’s sure that if he told his friends how he felt about his secretary and the twins he delivered they would say he needs help. But right now his heart is overpowering his brain. “He’s doing fine. I’ll put it this way: he’s no you.”
Jared smirked. “No one is me.”
“That’s for sure.” Jensen scratched the back of his head before he avoided Jared’s eyes and went back to sorting through the food he brought, pulling out a box of spaghetti.
“That looks really good. I haven’t had anything that wasn’t come from a frozen box or delivered since I brought the girls home.” Jared’s mouth practically waters. His ears perk up when a scream comes from the crib. Rocking on his heels he is not sure if he is going to attend to it, but when the infant’s cries intensify Jared quickly makes his way towards his child and scoops Arianna into his arms. “Hey Ari. Guess who’s here?” Cradling her in the crook of his arm, he bounces her gently as he walks back to Jensen. Her crying quieted but didn’t disappear.
After pouring the spaghetti into the boiling pot of water Jensen met Jared halfway. “Hey angel.” He bends down to see Arianna and noticed that Jared snorted, prompting Jensen to look at him questioningly. “What?”
“Nothing really.” He has a smirk on his face and his eyes are telling Jensen it is more than nothing. Jared brings the baby closer to his face so he could nuzzle her hair. “It’s just, that is what I call her. I call her angel. A for angel, A for Arianna, A for Baby A.”
“You’re kind of hung up on this Baby A/Baby B thing.”
“Yeah, well, that is all I knew them as for months. Actually, she was my little angel before I knew there were two of them. Then I had a panic attack – which I know you are familiar with – and then tried to come up with other terms of endearment that start with B for the other baby. All I came up with was bumblebee because she never stopped squirming. Sometimes I just call Brooke beebee.” Sighing into his daughter’s hair, Jared wrinkled his nose up. “And I think this little angel needs a new diaper. Can you excuse me for a minute?”
“Sure. Take your time.” Jensen nods, watching Jared disappear towards what he expected was the nursery. He took the time to explore the area where Brooke was sleeping, scanning the picture frames on the wall for any idea of who the person he was pining over really was. There were pictures that must have been his family: mother, father, siblings. There was a new one of the twins, both sleeping and looking peaceful. Other frames held photos of different people, maybe friends or other family members. There were a handful of what must have been Jared as a child with his mother and supposed siblings. In almost all of them Jared looked happy, flashing the same smile he used at work when a client made a funny remark or when he caught Jensen daydreaming in the middle of the day.
At the far end of the wall he saw a collection of movies and scanned them quickly, looking for a common theme. He came to the conclusion that Jared seemed to like slasher horror films and comic book movies with some other random comedies scattered in. He was about to pull a movie he’d never heard of before from the shelf when Brook let out a cry. The noise startled him, making him jump and straighten out, looking around like he just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Quickly realizing that it was Brooke who broke the silence, he made his way to the infant and peered down at her. “Hey little girl, what’s going on?” Brooke whined, screwed her face up and then let out a louder cry. Her fists were balled and Jensen almost forgot how peaceful she once looked. “Shh, there’s no reason to cry.”
“Is she okay?” Jared’s voice drifted into the room from down the hall, slightly muffled by Arianna’s agitated cries.
“Yeah I think. I can pick her up if that’s okay.” Jensen had been itching to get his hands on the little girl since the moment he saw her.
“Sure, that would be great.”
Jensen didn’t need to be told twice. He carefully slid his hands under her tiny body and brought her up so that she snuggled into his chest. “What is all this crying about?” He smiled at her, her newborn blue eyes blinking open tentatively. She was taking shuddering breaths and her movements were jerky. Not quite sure how to hold her but figuring it out quickly, Jensen cupped the back of her head and held her securely against him. After a few moments of being wrapped up in Jensen’s arms and the man subconsciously swaying his hips she started to quite down. “That’s better.” He slowly sat down on the couch, leaning back so that all of Brooke’s weight fell directly on his chest. Using his pinky finger he traced the outline of her lips and let her suckle on it. “I think she is hungry Jared.” Brooke gummed the finger a few times before going back to her unhappy crying.
After a moment Jared shuffled back into the room holding a still crying Arianna. “Yeah, this one is too.” He groaned and started to swing side to side, the movement only distracting Arianna momentarily. “I tried to feed Brooke before you got here but she wasn’t having any of it. She just wanted to sleep. It figures they don’t only look identical but they refuse to be on anything but an identical feeding schedule.” Pursing his lips to one side, Jared looked down at the newborn in his arms when her cries became louder. “Shh, I’ll feed you.”
Brooke, as if sensing that her father was paying more attention to her sister, opened her mouth wider and screamed. The sheer volume surprised Jensen and he raised two eyebrows in disbelief. “What about this little one?”
“Yeah, I should probably feed her first.” Jared walked in a circle, not sure if he was coming or going. Arianna’s cries were ringing in his ears and, not to be out done, Brooke’s mingled with them making it hard to think. “I can…” He stopped, trying to think of how to handle this situation quickly because his daughters were doing an excellent job of letting his entire apartment complex know how they felt.
Jensen got up from the couch, holding Brooke out in front of him. For someone so small she sure knew how to make a lot of noise. He looked over to Jared, the younger man looking quite frazzled and overwhelmed. “What can I do?”
“Nothing. It’s not your job. You don’t have to do anything.” Jared closed his eyes, squeezing them shut in an attempt to think clearly. When he opened them it was to the sound of water hitting the hot coils of his stove. “Shit!” He turned to see the pot of water he had set to boil overflowing, water and some pasta cascading over the edge and onto the stovetop. “Shit!” Out of frustration he stomped his foot loudly.
“Hey it’s okay.” Jensen nestled Brooke into the crook of his left arm and brushed past Jared, swiftly transferring the pasta disaster to a cool section of the stove, thus stopping the over boiling immediately. “See, crisis averted.” However, it was immediately evident that their attempt at having spaghetti for dinner was botched.
Letting out a huge huff of air and looking up in the ceiling in irritation, Jared’s face contorted until it looked like he was on the verge of tears. “Maybe you should go. This was a mistake and everything is wrong.”
“What?” Jensen came to stand in front of Jared; the words he had heard sent a shot straight through him. “No Jared, nothing is wrong.”
It took a moment for Jared to clear his thoughts enough to talk but when he did his words were cracked, like his emotions had gotten the best of him. “Everything is wrong!” He transferred Arianna so that she was leaning on his shoulder, her wails still echoing in the room. “The twins are crying…” Arianna chose that moment to shriek. “…screaming. I look like I haven’t slept in days because I haven’t. I haven’t seen another adult in about as many days as I haven’t slept. I had one job, which was boiling pasta and I fucked that up. The whole night is ruined. Instead of getting to know each other I am saddling you with my kids. I am sure you have better things to do than hang out with a shitty father who can’t even feed his children.” His breath started coming in uneven shudders.
“Woah, woah, woah.” Jensen had seen this song and dance before. He knew what Jared’s panic and second guessing lead to. “First of all, how about we let me decide what I do and don’t want to do. Second, you are not saddling me with anything, I asked you if I could hold Brooke. Third, you ruined nothing. Do you have bread?”
“Huh?” Jared sniffed as he blinked his eyes to hold back his emotions.
“Do you have bread? Any kind?” Jensen moved closer to Jared, wanting to put this whole thing behind them.
“Um yeah I…”
“Great! We can make meatball sandwiches. So dinner is not ruined. At. All. But most of all, I have been waiting a very very very long time for tonight and over boiled pasta or crying children are not going to deter me. So what if the twins are hungry? We feed them. I knew you had newborns when I agreed to come over. I was kind of there when they were born. I get that you guys are a package deal.”
Jared let out a sound of surprise, like the last thing he expected Jensen to do was stay. “You don’t have to stay. They’re a major time suck and they…well they kind of come first.”
“Of course they come first.” Jensen readjusted his hold on Brooke. “And babies cry. I didn’t have any preconceived notions that you would ship them off for the night so I can monopolize you. They’re 14 days old, of course I knew they would be part of tonight’s events. Plus they are the reasons you finally trust me enough to take me up on an offer of a date, so I guess I owe them.”
It takes him a moment to process all of what Jensen just said. “Ok.” Jared nods, his voice sounding miles away from the emotional uncertain one he used just moments ago.
Ok? After all that and Jared just responds with an ‘ok’. Jensen doesn’t understand the younger man. It’s like he is constantly fighting to figure out if it is safe to let Jensen in or not. But ‘ok’ is the response he was looking for, he just didn’t think he would get Jared to agree to it quite surely.
The twins are reaching the point of doing hearing damage and Jared switches into parent mode. He may have seemed lost before but his head is back in the game and he moves around the kitchen, grabbing a bottle from the refrigerator and plopping it in the bottle warmer in one swift movement. He grabbed another bottle and left it on the counter beside the warmer. “Do you want to feed her?” Shifting his weight to one hip, Jared cocks his head at the older man.
Jensen thinks it is a dumb question. Of course he wants to feed her. Doesn’t everyone who is enraptured with a newborn want to feed them? But the schematics don’t seem to work out right. “Umm yeah, but don’t you breastfeed them?” He must have made a confused face because Jared laughs and Jensen wishes he knew exactly what face he pulled because he would make it again and again to hear that laugh.
“I pump too. It’s all very glamorous and I’d love to tell you all about it,” the feigned sincerity is dripping off Jared’s words, making his sarcasm spot on, “but I can’t seem to feed both of them at the same time. So I pump and make bottles.” Jared looked over his shoulder and fetched the bottle from the warmer. Holding it out towards Jensen, he gave the man a side smile. “If you don’t mind holding a bottle of my breast milk, then she is all yours.”
To be honest, Jensen has had his hands covered in far worse than Jared’s breast milk. Besides, he doesn’t think it is gross or disgusting in any way. “Well you’ll have to tell me if I’m doing it wrong.” He’s never fed an infant but the general idea makes sense. Taking the offered bottle he quickly offers it to Brooke. She is too busy crying to notice that someone is finally giving her what she wants but after Jensen nudged the nipple around her mouth a few times she quickly abandons her wailing in favor of suckling. “Well that was easy.”
“Yeah, you have the easy part.” Arianna is still crying, but with Brooke’s silence the tension and the volume in the room is already decreasing. “I’ll just go feed her in the nursery. Holler if you need anything.”
Before he could turn to go, Jensen sidestepped him. “You don’t have to go…if you don’t want to. I mean, if you feel more comfortable that way then that is fine, but I don’t want you to leave because you think it would make me uncomfortable. Let’s be honest, I helped you give birth to these two. I’ve seen about every side to you there is to see and that has kind of put us past those discomforts. Besides, you fed her in the elevator and I thought it was…” Jensen trailed off trying to find the right word. He didn’t want to sound overly cliché or sappy, but Jared had looked perfect while feeding Arianna. Instead of one word, everything he was thinking comes out in a jumble. “Amazing, beautiful, perfect.”
Jared doesn’t miss a beat. “Oh, only all of those things?” He smiles, rolling Jensen’s offer around in his head. Instead of answering the older man he just situates himself on the couch, supports Arianna with one hand, and undoes the buttons at the top of his shirt. Arianna is in the same state that Brooke was in moments ago, she is too upset to realize her father is offering her dinner. She fusses and fights him but Jared guides her to his chest, coos several times, and she latches on like a pro. Jared closes his eyes, a motion Jensen remembers him doing in the elevator when he was feeding Arianna, and lets his fingers ghost across his daughter’s plentiful head of hair. He looks peaceful, a strange switch from the panic and chaos going on in the room moments ago.
Jensen tried not to look at him, but the fact that Jared’s eyes are closed is too tempting. He finds himself smiling as he takes in Jared’s form. When the younger man pops his eyes open, Jensen pulls back, eyes darting to everything else in the room.
“What?” Self-conscious, Jared pulls Arianna closer, turning away from Jensen ever so slightly.
“You’re doing that amazing, beautiful, perfect thing again.” Jensen takes a tentative seat next to the man, leaving space between them so he is not encroaching on personal space. He makes sure Brooke is supported and wiggles the bottle to make her get a better grip on it.
“Oh.” A blush creeps up his face and he relaxes back into the couch. He goes back to closing his eyes, his lips curved.
They sit in a comfortable silence for a while until Brooke makes a little grunt and snort sound, making Jensen smile down at her. “She sounds like a puppy.” It isn’t meant as an insult, but the noises she is making are both adorable and puppy like.
“Yeah, she does that.” Jared winced, opened his eyes, and readjusted Arianna. “Ari is a lot quieter but more serious about eating. Brooke likes to whine about everything, even when she is getting what she wants.” He turned towards Jensen, watched the way he doted on his daughter and noticed how he played with the bottle every so often to refocus her. “You’re really good with her.”
“Please!” Jensen laughed off the compliment. “I bet she’s like this with everyone.”
Jared snickered, his voice showing that he meant the compliment. “Not exactly. You, you understand her. The way you feed her…you just get her.”
Jensen didn’t understand how much there is to get about a two week old. But whatever it is, he is glad Brooke seemed to respond to him. “Well, I guess that is because we have a special bond. Don’t we Brooke?” Jensen smiled down at the baby who was making quick work of the bottle.
“You saved her life. You’re her guardian angel…” Jared turned his head and blushed, hoping Jensen wouldn’t see it. “…and mine.” He braved a glance at Jensen, hiding behind hair that had fallen in his face. Clearly on the edge of something, he teetered before pulling back and straightening up. He gently moved Arianna away from his body. “I’ll trade you.” Taking in Jensen’s confused expression, the younger man clarified his request. “I try to switch off midway through so they are used to feeding from me and the bottle. I left a bottle for Arianna on the counter.”
“Ohh, okay.” Jensen twisted so he could lay Brooke on the couch between them and take Arianna from Jared. “Hey angel.” Arianna was starting to fuss again, annoyed that Jared had stopped her mid meal. “Wow, she is serious about eating.”
“Told you so.” Jared pulled Brooke into his arms, trying to get her to feed from the opposite side that Ari had just vacated. “Come on Brookey.” The newborn didn’t cry, but she refused to latch on. By the time Jensen returned with Arianna’s bottle and was feeding the now content infant, Brooke was still fighting her father. “See, you’re much better with her.”
Shaking his head swiftly, Jensen snorted. “I don’t believe that for a minute.” He nuzzled Arianna, inhaling her scent as she greedily sucked down her bottle.
Jared rolled his eyes and went back to trying to get Brooke to nurse. After a few false starts he sighed in relief when the little girl latched on and suckled. Confident that both of his daughters were happy, he turned towards Jensen, eyes smiling we they meet each other’s stares. “Thanks for helping. You’re heaven sent.”
“Anytime.” Jensen’s smile widened. “I said the same thing about you when I hired you.”
“Yeah?” Jared waited for Jensen to nod. “Well I think delivering my kids, saving Brooke’s life, and saving me from a meltdown are more important feats than saving you a few hours in the day.”
“Meh.” Shrugging, Jensen happily went back to feeding the girls. They fell into a casual conversation about horror movies and which classic series was the best – Jensen like Halloween and Jared preferred Friday the 13th. They even argued about it, but no one won, concluding the argument as a tie. It was one of the first tensionless comfortable conversations they had ever had, Jared laughing and even playfully punching Jensen with his free hand. Before long both girls were fed, burped, and back to sleeping peacefully in their crib –for now.
Not wanting to waste a moment of the twin’s slumber, Jensen got straight to work on making dinner for the two of them. With most of the prep done at his house, all he needed was a microwave and bread. Within moments he had two piping hot meatball sandwiches prepared and ready to be eaten.
The way Jared’s kitchen was laid out provided them with two options for sitting down for their meal. They could sit at the small breakfast bar at the edge of the kitchen or they could sit at the table in his dining room. Since the tone of the evening had been a casual one, Jensen suggested the breakfast bar. Not only did it insinuate an easygoing attitude, but this way he got to sit side by side with Jared, both of their bodies turned in towards each other. He had learned that body language was everything with Jared and being able to see him laughing and unprotected – or at least more unprotected than normal – was key.
Taking a bite of his sandwich Jensen made a sound of delight. He smiled though his mouthful of food and chewed thoroughly before finding the courage to ask the question that had been burning a hole in his brain. “Why have you always deflected my offers to go out on a date?”
Jared almost choked on his mouthful of food. His eyes widened and he swallowed loudly, chasing his bite of food with a long chug of water. “Thanks for easing me into that one.”
Steamrolling right along, Jensen flashed a quick smirk. “You’re welcome.”
Sighing with his whole body, Jared tried to figure out how to say the things he had been feeling. “I like my job.”
“Good. I am glad. How does that answer my question?”
“I like working for you. I didn’t want to fuck it up. And it’s…well, it is kind of complicated.” Jared took another sip of water. “You and I have a pretty perfect working relationship. I love going to work in the morning. But let’s be honest, you are the boss. You have the power in this situation.”
“Pff! That is at work. This is real life. Like I would take advantage of that.”
“You’d be surprised.” Jared shrugged, wall tentatively back in place as he took another bite of his sandwich.
“I wouldn’t Jared. I won’t.” Jensen put his sandwich down and sighed.
“No one ever thinks they will. And then they do…and then….”
The sadness in Jensen’s eyes is intense. The fact that someone as vibrant as Jared can have such hidden scars makes him wonder what could have lead to them. “What happened to you to make you so guarded?” It was a loaded question, Jensen knew that, but it came out anyway.
Jared tut-tut’ed him. “That is a very long story, any maybe if you stick around for a while it is one I’ll tell you.” Despite the intensity of the subject matter, Jared smiled in an attempt to lighten the mood. “For the record though, you are doing a pretty perfect job of proving all the hesitations I had about you wrong. I don’t trust people but with you...with you I’m starting to.”
Jensen smiled. His heart fluttered at those words, and the butterflies in his stomach reappeared. He smirked, somehow finding a way to build up the courage and confidence to make another bold move. He looked at Jared, wall mostly down and world on display, and saw a dab of sauce on the corner of his mouth. Leaning in closer to him, his mouth dangerously close to Jared’s and his heart hammering faster with the realization that the man hadn’t pulled away, he spoke in a whisper. “You have a little sauce on your mouth.” Softly he dipped his head forward, tongue sweeping out to catch the sauce before pressing their lips together. Jared froze at their first touch, but it was only for a heartbeat, because as soon as Jensen moved his lips softly against the younger man’s, Jared was mirroring his efforts.
The kiss was gentle and sweet, Jensen only braving the most innocent of gestures. Jared’s lips felt plush against his own, the heat behind them seeping into their kiss before Jensen pulled away slowly. He hadn’t wanted to, but he didn’t want to overstep boundaries either. His heart almost burst when he realized that Jared had craned his head forward to follow the older man’s retreat, prolonging the kiss by only seconds but prolonging it none the less.
When they broke away, Jared was staring at him with blinking brown eyes, lips parted, his breath coming at the same pace as his heart beats. Jensen cupped the side of his face. “Good?”
Jared tried to wrap his brain around the question, not knowing if he was asking about the kiss or the sandwich. Either way, his answer covered both. “Yeah. Good.” Staring at Jensen, his words felt clumsy in his mouth. “Your eyes are green.”
“Yes, I know.” Jensen let out a light laugh.
“That didn’t come out right, I mean it did…but it didn’t.” Jared was flustered, adorably fishing for words and thoughts. “I mean I like green eyes. I like your eyes.” He blushed and then pulled out of Jensen’s cupped hand, going back to his sandwich to get rid of the energy going through his system. “This is a really good sandwich.”
Jensen knew Jared was deflecting, but he could deal with that. “We should do this again some time.”
The smile on Jared’s face was the most unguarded and genuine that Jensen had ever seen. “Yeah, we should.”
And they did. The next night Jensen brought over pizza, one easy meal that no one could fuck up. The night after that he brought his own burp cloths and steaks, cooked at home and ready to heat and eat. And by the third date Jensen was kissing more than sauce off of Jared’s lips.