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It was bullshit that he had to take care of the kid when he joined the band. Skwisgaar wasn't a babysitter and the fact that Toki was hanging all over him was almost as annoying as hearing Magnus yelling and freaking out.
Today was no different, their album was finished, they were getting ready to go onto tour and Skwisgaar was nervous. And annoyed. Annoyed. He was just annoyed as fuck, not nervous. He was Skwisgaar Skwigelf, he didn't get nervous. He was the world's fastest guitarist, he doesn't need to be nervous.
Either way, they were on the road for the first time to their first destination. The bus was a little crowded with the band, but the band had decided to sleep in a rotation or somebody was being forced to sleep on the floor and/or sitting up at the table. Skwisgaar absolutely refused to give up the bed on this day. It was going to be his day of relaxation before they get to Phoenix, Arizona-- he told Nathan that if he didn't get the bed to himself, he wouldn't play on stage. After some yelling and then eventual just giving up, Skwisgaar won.
He was on the bed when Toki decided to come in, closing the small door behind himself. Skwisgaar looked at Toki as he stood by the door, swaying as the bus went from fast to probably dangerously over the speed limit for large vehicles. The blond shifted slightly before he decided to turn his attention back to the joint between his index finger and his thumb. "Whats evers you ams wantsing, I don'ts care. Sleeps on the floors likes the rests of thems." Skwisgaar said, haughty and annoyed.
There was a silence, some shuffling and then Toki shyly sitting on the bed.
Skwisgaar sat up, "heys! Whats the fucks?! I justs--"
"Skwisgaar?" Toki interrupted the lead guitarist.
Bristling even more, Skwisgaar glared at him and sat against the back board of the bed. "Whats?" He snapped.
"... Ams that a weeds?" The question was ridiculous and Skwisgaar couldn't stop himself from snorting.
"Uh, ja. It ams a weeds cigarettes. Otherswise known as a joints." Skwisgaar scoffed, enjoying the fact that he clearly knew more than Toki in this subject. "Whys? Yous ams wantings some?"
That question seemed to have caught Toki off guard, the rhythm guitarist blushed slightly and pulled off that stupid hat, holding it close to his chest. The kid was nervous and Skwisgaar almost felt bad for being so snippy with him; with a sigh, the blond moved forward on the bed a little and held out the joint to Toki. "Just don'ts chokes on it."
Much less nervous and shy about it, Toki grinned widely at Skwisgaar before taking the joint from the blond and put it to his lips curiously. He looked at Skwisgaar to see if he was doing it right and when he got an eyebrow raise instead of encouragement, Toki tried not to pout before he inhaled on the end of the joint.
The pungent smell definitely rolled into the taste and Toki got a pretty big lung full of the smoke. He quickly fell into hacking and coughing the smoke up, almost losing the joint in the process and making Skwisgaar swear at him in Swedish.
Taking the joint away from Toki, Skwisgaar muttered some rather rude phrases under his breath and finished off the rest of the joint. He snubbed the rest of it out on an ashtray before he exhaled through his nose, looking at Toki as the guy coughed with water in his eyes. "You ams a fucking idiots, Toki." There was a more playful tone rather than a judgmental infliction.
Looking at Skwisgaar as his head started to swim a bit and the world felt like one of those scopes that had all the weird shapes and colors in them-- He liked the feeling, the weird sort of floating he felt. But the world was zooming by too fast and he covered his face. Toki leaned forward while covering his face and dropping his chin to his chest, making a high pitched noise of mild panic.
Skwisgaar instantly knew that noise, he had been around Toki enough and had calmed him down from some freak outs from outside influences. He reached over and touched Toki's shoulder, "heys, what ams de matters Toki?" Skwisgaar asked, serious and concerned-- even though he'd never say it.
Toki struggled for a second before he moved to wrap his arms around Skwisgaar's thinner chest and push his face into the white tank top. "Ams I goings to Hells for this, Skwisgaar?!" Toki practically sobbed.
Oh. Oh no. He held up his arms as Toki just latched onto him like this before hesitantly putting a hand on Toki's back as the kid sobbed about going to Hell. "Ppphhhtt. Nos. You amens't goings to Hells for thats Toki." Skwisgaar raised his voice, somewhat mocking Toki in the middle of his sentence. "Hells amens't exsists." He was confident in his own words. "Whens we dies, we justs ams rotting in de grounds, Toki. Hells is justs a mades up thing." Even while he spoke, Skwisgaar put a hand up to the small of Toki's back and held him against Skwisgaar's chest.
He wouldn't admit it, like everything else he could never admit when it came to Toki, but he liked comforting Toki like this. It gave him a sense of purpose.
Toki struggled for a second before he sat up on his palms, hitting Skwisgaar in the chin with the top of his head. "Do yous means--"
Skwisgaar made a loud groan of pain, whipping away from Toki, even pushing him off to hold his chin. "Fucks! My fuckings chin!" Skwisgaar snapped, holding his chin for a second and then turned his furious gaze on Toki.
Now dumped on the floor, Toki looked up at Skwisgaar with tears flowing freely from his eyes and he had this broken, fearful look on his face like he usually did before going into that blank stare.
Groaning in pain for a second, Skwisgaar didn't even notice the way Toki was looking at him until it just clicked. Instantly feeling his fury draining out of his system, Skwisgaar rolled his eyes a little. "C'mons, littles Toki... I amens't mads at yous." He then slowly reached down, which seemed to make Toki flinch before Toki whimpered. Skwisgaar hesitated and then decided to say fuck it, he really wanted to make sure that Toki was okay-- and he wanted to make it up to Toki for snapping at him for an accident.
So, he gently grabbed a hold of Toki before pulling him up onto the bed and hugging him again.
They stayed like this in silence for what felt like hours to the both of them. No matter the passage of time, Skwisgaar started to get drowsy and assumed that Toki had been getting sleepy too, so he decided to gently pull the younger guitarist to be lying down with him.
Toki struggled, confused, for a good minute until they were just lying down together and his head was on Skwisgaar's chest. He could hear Skwisgaar's heart beating. It was strong and quick, like a rabbits maybe. "Skwisgaar?" Toki sounded nervous.
"Ja?"
"Ams you scareds?"
Another silence falls over the two of them, it's much shorter than the first one. "Nej." Skwisgaar finally said, deciding to settle on that instead.
"Whys ams your hearts goings so fast then?" Toki asked, slowly moving to sit up but he was interrupted by Skwisgaar's hand, pulling Toki back down.
"Maybes dats how it ams supposeds to goes, Toki."
That answer seemed to satisfy the younger guitarist and helped Skwisgaar relax a bit more.
"Skwisgaar?" Toki started again.
An irritated huff came as an answer to Toki.
"Whats ams was in thats weeds cigarettes?"
A frown danced over Skwisgaar's face before he huffed again, "it ams justs a weeds joint, Toki."
Toki struggled for a response before he just settled on top of Skwisgaar and then closed his eyes. Some time had passed and Skwisgaar had thought that the younger guitarist had fallen asleep. Before "Skwisgaar?"
Skwisgaar struggled not to snap at Toki. "Whats ams it Toki?" He still sounded irritated.
"... I's never beens this happies before... Tanks."
That-- That touched Skwisgaar in a weird way, in a way he would have preferred he didn't feel. His heart rate spiked again and he just gripped Toki a bit closer to him. "Toki, dats ams gay." He finally brought himself to respond.
"Oh."
With the next silence that fell between the two of them, Skwisgaar could make out the sounds of his bandmates talking to each other out in the rest of the bus.
They were distant enough that he couldn't exactly make out what they were saying, but Murderface was pretty animated about whatever it was and it was comforting in a way.
The sun was going down as the bus trucked on and Skwisgaar could hear and feel the faint breathing from Toki. The kid had finally fallen asleep! He was no longer talking to Skwisgaar.
Taking this time, Skwisgaar looked down to look at Toki's face in the passing sunset light, he watched the way Toki's lips parted as he breathed deeper and deeper the further he fell into a sleep. Skwisgaar's hand moved from Toki's shoulder and to his face, gently brushing some of the brunet hair out of Toki's face and tucking it behind his ear.
"Don'ts yous ever change, Toki." Skwisgaar muttered to the sleeping boy in his arms.
He really didn't want Toki to change, he was a weird type of hope for the band. It all had been better since Toki had joined, he uplifted their spirits, and now they were going on tour. The world would be a bleaker place if Toki changed.
Skwisgaar moved a little strand of hair from Toki's face again before resting his hand flat on Toki's back, pulling him a little closer before sitting back and looking at the ceiling of the bus.
As he started to drift in and out of sleep while the bus rocked slowly from side to side, Skwisgaar wondered what would have happened to the band if Toki had not joined. If they were a four piece, rather than what they were now.
"Nothings." Skwisgaar said to himself, not aware that he was speaking out loud.
And he truly believed it. Skwisgaar believed that without Toki, the would have made their first album, it would have busted and they all would have been kicked out into the street. Skwisgaar would probably be deported back to Sweden-- he shuddered at that-- Nathan would probably be forced to go back into the ocean, from where Skwisgaar had assumed he was from. Pickles would probably .... be even more strung out than he was now and Murderface? He had no idea where Murderface would probably end up.
"Ins de trash cans." Skwisgaar answered after a second.
Toki stirred a little, "whats?" He asked, sleepy and adorable sounding.
"Nothings, Toki. Goes backs to sleeps." Skwisgaar said softer than he intended.
"Okays Skwisgaar... Goods Nights." He sat up slightly on his palm and gave Skwisgaar a kiss on the chin, right where Toki had smacked him earlier, before he lied back down against Skwisgaar and wrapped his legs around one of Skwisgaar's legs and his arms wrapped around Skwisgaar's chest.
Well, now Skwisgaar really wouldn't be able to go anywhere.
But that was the furthest thing from his mind, seeing as he felt his chin tingle slightly from where Toki had kissed it. The little shit.