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Kaito, as the primary top in their relationship, was usually responsible for buying condoms and lube and other sex related things. It was a self-appointed task and one he enjoyed doing; it was rare for him to only buy the necessities and not also some accessories for them to enjoy. And he enjoyed searching for all the necessities and those that were not and imagining what they could use them for. It was fun.
Now that Shinichi and he have been in a relationship for five years though, it was rather rare for them to bother using condoms. They only used them if it would be super inconvenient for Shinichi to clean himself out and even then, most often Kaito would make sure to pull out in time. So, fact was, they rarely used condoms. STD's weren't much of a concern given that both of them didn't have any and that they were only sleeping with each other, and preventing pregnancy was not something they needed to worry about, given that both of them were cis men.
Correction: neither of them thought pregnancy prevention was something they needed to worry about, because their biology completely prevented that from happening. They were wrong. Shinichi was pregnant.
If it weren't a horrible shock to not only their knowledge of human biology (and a shock to the whole world of medicine as a whole – if they were ever made aware of it, which Kaito doubted would happen on Shinichi's example, he was never going to go to an actual hospital over this), but to their persons as well, it would be funny.
It was also Kaito's fault, which made the things significantly less funny. Shinichi could kill him and Kaito wouldn't blame him for it. He probably deserved it and Shinichi definitely looked at him as though he was ready for murder.
"In my defense, I couldn't have possibly known that this lube would grow you a uterus and other female parts. This is NOT what it was advertised to do." The sex shop he bought it at was dingy, but did not have a sketchy reputation. He had bought things there plenty of times and none of them had any consequences apart from sexy naughty fucking.
His curiosity be damned, had he not been seduced by the pretty packaging, none of this would have happened. (Kaito would have been a lot happier regarding having a kid with Shinichi if the kid was planned, not a result of magical hijinks, and also not likely to kill him. Haibara couldn't say anything regarding the viability of the pregnancy, except that so far, everything seemed all right with the fetus and that the biggest problem they had was that Shinichi's pelvic floor was not meant to give birth and that his vaginal canal and opening were very small, at least at this point. How many physical changes Shinichi was likely to undergo was unknown, though Haibara had jokingly wished Shinichi a healthy pregnancy.)
"I am aware of this fact. It doesn't make me feel better." He was some 2/3 man, some 1/3 woman. Haibara had described it as being intersex, except not, given the fact that it was pretty much impossible for an intersex person to have two sets of fully functioning reproductive organs. How fully functioning Shinichi's female organs were was unknown, but they apparently functioned well enough to ruin Shinichi's life. "Haibara said that her producing an abortion pill would sufficiently get rid of our primary problem, but that still leaves me with female genitalia."
Kuroba had thought about it. Realistically, despite the fact that a kid between them sounded cute as hell, it would be a medical mess and the unwise thing to do in this situation. So, having the kid was off the table. He didn't mind the extra female parts though, though he didn't doubt that Shinichi did not want them. "Do you think that if we stop using the lube, you'd go back to normal?"
Shinichi just looked at him. "I think that's unlikely. I don't seem to be lucky like that, do I?" Given his life and Conan, the solution couldn't just be that simple, could it? Haibara didn't seem to think that he'd revert back to normal if he discontinued its use. She had taken a sample of it but requested him to continue using the lube, as having fully developed female genitalia would apparently be better than...whatever this half-formed thing was. At least then he could give birth to his kids in the future, if he wanted, she suggested. Shinichi had pointed out to her that he already had a pair of fully functioning male genitalia and that he could use to have children, say with the help of a surrogate if the goal was for him to have his kids with Kaito, but she had been decidedly unimpressed.
"I could probably ask Akako for help, but you know what she's like. It'll come at a hefty price."
"Doesn't everything in my life already come at a hefty price? How much worse than this could it get?" Again, he was a man that was pregnant.
"That is a fair question," to which Kaito did not know the answer. His boyfriend, his male boyfriend, was pregnant with his child. That definitely took the cake when it comes to crazy things happening in his life. Even figuring out that Kudou Shinichi and Edogawa Conan were one and the same was less shocking. It was a person shrinking. This was a person growing genitals and a baby because of a lube brand.
Shinichi also did not intend to keep a child, which was more than reasonable, really, Kaito wouldn't want to be pregnant himself, it was the only logical way to go about this...situation, but Kaito's heart still pang at the idea that he was not going to be a father and that he'll never get another opportunity to have a kid with Shinichi that'll be the combination of the two of them (although, he really didn't have to think mich about how a possible combination of Shinichi's and his own genes would look like, come on). But again the potential side effects were much too big to take the gamble, even if Shinichi wanted to.
"At this point in my life, I swear someone has a vendetta against me." All the murders that happened around him, he could deal with, but the unwanted changes to his body that happened seemingly all the time?
"Oh, so we are blaming the Greek gods for this?"
"Do you want me to blame you?"
"Greek gods it is. I wonder which one you might have irritated."
"I don't know." As though Gods even existed.
"Maybe it was Yukiko irritating Aphrodite by her beauty and now she seeks revenge upon you." Maybe the first act of vengeance was making Shinichi look nothing like his mother. Though, granted, that wasn't exactly a good revenge plan, given that Shinichi's father was a handsome man and that Shinichi still ended up gorgeous.
"Would you please stop talking about my mother like that?"
"Well, I can't come up with another reason for it." His brain had a hard time functioning. He still had to wrap his head around the whole pregnancy from lube thing.
"Just shut up. You've done enough." From now on, Shinichi will make sure to buy all the sex stuff himself.
"How could I have known the lube would make you pregnant?"
"If you don't shut up, I will use the lube to make you pregnant." He sure as hell won't let Kaito top him anytime soon. Not until he has managed to return to his all male body, at least.
"Oh, and what are you going to do if I keep the child and you become a father?"
As if. "Why do you have to be like that?"