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Rafe was standing around a small table drinking whiskey. Topper and Kelce were there too, talking about god knows what. They were at a bar on Figure Eight frequented by the younger kooks. The place overlooks the water and Rafe finds it to be much less pompous than the country club. In fact, Barry comes to move product occasionally, something he would never do at the club. Rafe likes coming here with his friends, but he can’t keep himself from surveilling the room, keeping an eye out for Barry.
“What about you, Rafe?” The grating voice of Topper’s girlfriend, Ruthie, forces him back into the conversation he was effectively dissociating from. “Uh, what?” he asks.
“Have you been seeing anyone new since that pogue bitch sold you out for some cash?” Ruthie smirks. Rafe’s eyes cut over to Topper because it’s clear he told her Rafe’s business. Topper has the audacity to give Rafe an innocent look. “Sorry man, she asked what happened!”
“Yeah, whatever, man,” Rafe grumbles. Turning toward Ruthie he says, “I don’t see how that is any of your concern.” Ruthie just rolls her eyes and tells Topper she’s going to go find her friends and meet up with him later. Good riddance.
With Ruthie gone, the tension dissipates and the three continue their conversation about sports, who bought a new boat, and how crazy tourism is getting on the island. Topics Rafe quite frankly doesn’t give a shit about. Except for tourism, he is in real estate development after all.
Rafe senses Barry’s presence before he sees him, which what the hell is that by the way?! He is wearing denim shorts, his newest tennis shoes, and a solid black shirt with his chain perfectly on display. Rafe has noticed Barry dresses a little nicer, well nicer for Barry, when he deals on this side of the island. All Rafe can think is how fucking good he looks. Then their eyes meet.
Rafe mumbles “I’ll be back,” to Topper and Kelce before he’s moving through the crowd toward Barry. The older man gives him a smile. “Hey Country Club, how long you been here for?” Rafe has to stop himself from reaching out to touch him. They aren’t out in public but if anyone were to pay close attention it wouldn’t be hard to see what’s going on between them.
“About an hour,” he replies. “Aight, I’m gonna make my rounds but come find me later, yeah?” Barry says keeping his voice low so Rafe has to bend down to hear him. He feels Barry lightly graze a hand over Rafe’s hip as he moves past him to head for the bar.
Rafe returns to his friends. They know Barry as a dealer from the cut and nothing more. They have no idea Rafe has been with Barry for months, no idea Rafe is in love with him.
More time passes and Rafe is now sufficiently buzzed. He decides it’s been long enough and excuses himself to go find Barry.
He’s nowhere to be found inside so Rafe goes outside to search the benches down by the water. Barry is leaning against the railing talking to some guy. He sees the “handshake” indicative of a transaction being made. Rafe waits until the guy is several steps away before he approaches Barry. He is drunk and he doesn’t care about people seeing, he needs to be close to Barry, needs to touch him.
“Barry,” he says, stupid grin plastered on his face. He walks right up to Barry and puts his hands on the shorter man’s chest. “Hey, baby boy. You drunk, huh? Too drunk to realize we in public right now, bro.”
Barry is glancing around but he doesn’t move away from Rafe’s touch. “I don’t care,” Rafe replies. “Well aight then,” Barry says, pulling Rafe closer by his waist. Rafe wants to kiss him so badly. Instead he steps back, detaching himself from Barry and says, “Can we go now? Please.” Barry chuckles but before he can say anything Topper comes running up to them.
“Hey, Rafe. Hey man. Uh Sofia is here. I wanted to give you a heads up. She just walked in, bro.” Rafe just gives Topper a blank stare. “I don’t care. I’m leaving now anyway,” Rafe states. Topper looks offended. “Well my bad, man. I thought you’d want a warning that the girl you proposed to with your mom’s ring but who then betrayed you for money was here. Thought it might be awkward but what do I know,” Topper huffs then turns to go back inside.
Rafe senses Barry go rigid beside him. Goddamnit. Fucking Topper. He looks over at Barry who has his jaw clenched so tight Rafe can see the muscle twitching. “Barry, fuck,” is all he has time to get out before Barry is walking away toward his bike. “Please just wait a second, man,” he pleads.
They are in the parking area now and no one appears to be around. Rafe grabs Barry’s shoulders roughly, desperate for him to stay. “Let me explain okay?” His hands slide up bracing Barry’s neck to try to get him to make eye contact. Barry does and Rafe feels like he is going to be sick. He can see the hurt in Barry’s warm brown eyes and he hates that he is the one causing him pain. “I’m going home. Don’t follow me. You’re too drunk right now anyways,” Barry turns to get on his bike and Rafe’s hands drop from his neck. He watches Barry drive off as his stomach sinks.
It wasn’t that Rafe was trying to hide anything, more so that once he got back from Morocco he didn’t care about anything besides finding Barry and telling him how he felt. Yeah he technically proposed to Sofia but he would’ve never gone through with marrying her. At least he hopes he wouldn’t have done something as stupid as marrying a girl just because she was nice and he was expected to marry a nice girl and follow in his father’s footsteps. None of that felt stupid to Rafe before his time spent in Morocco though. Truth be told Rafe had been completely numb all of last year. He couldn’t bear being alone and he couldn’t bear being sober. He doesn’t know why making his dad proud mattered so much to him even after he died but it did. Maybe that’s just how Rafe grieved.
He missed Barry a lot but refused to think about what that might mean. It was easier to steer clear of the dealer so that’s exactly what he did. Meeting up to ask about trading boats was the first time Rafe had seen him in months. He was surprised when Barry immediately agreed to see him and even more surprised he was able to talk Barry into the swap so easily.
Rafe wasn’t prepared for the feelings that bloomed in his chest when he saw Barry after all that time. It was similar to when he met up with him at Rockfish to talk about stealing the cross only stronger, harder to ignore. Being in his presence and hearing his voice proved to be too much for Rafe. He course corrected so hard he ended up proposing to Sofia like an hour later. He isn’t proud of that. He thought if he could shove his feelings down and stick to what was practical for his life, all the Barry shit would go away.
He doesn’t know how he’s going to explain all that to Barry. It makes sense in his own head but that’s not really saying much. Barry was right, he is drunk. He decides to sit on a bench for a while and sober up before heading to the trailer. Surely Barry doesn’t mean for him not to come home at all, right?
After sitting on the bench, staring out at the water and trying to think of the best way to explain himself for the better part of an hour, he feels sober enough to drive. Rafe pulls into his usual spot and takes off his helmet. Barry must’ve heard his bike drive up because he is out the door and halfway to Rafe before he even notices. “Holy shit, Rafe. Why didn’t you answer my calls?” Barry says, pulling Rafe into a hug.
Rafe hugs him back but asks, “I thought you were mad at me?”
“I am mad at you but that doesn't mean I don’t care where you are. I shouldn’t have left ya alone drunk like that, man. I thought f’sure your dumbass had wrapped that shit around a tree,” Barry gestures to Rafe’s bike. “Well I’m fine,” Rafe says and walks into the trailer.
Once they are both inside and seated on the couch, Barry says, “I really don’t know how you could leave out something like that. And your mom’s ring too. Jesus, Rafe. Aight, explain this shit to me, bro.” So Rafe does. He does the best he can explaining his thought process and mental state of the past year in hopes Barry will understand.
“I ain’t gonna pretend I understand what last year was like for you because I don’t,” Barry says when Rafe has finished his spiel. “Guess I gotta trust that you mean it when you say it ain’t matter to you, that…uh proposing was just sumthin you thought was the right thing at the time or whatever you said.” Barry still looks hurt and Rafe hates himself for it. Hurting people (both physically and emotionally) is normally of no consequence to Rafe but not Barry. He cares when it’s him.
“Yeah, man, exactly. I know it’s probably hard to understand but I was so lost after my dad died.”
“So what? You found now? How do I know you ain’t gonna pull the same bullshit and leave me behind, huh? Claim you was just not in the right headspace,” Barry counters.
“I guess you can’t know that for sure,” Rafe says. Shit. That was the wrong thing to say apparently judging by Barry’s sharp look. “I mean, I get why you would think that but I promise. I promise, Barry.” Rafe scoots closer to Barry and puts his hand on Barry’s leg. Rafe dies a little inside when his touch and pleas seem to have no effect on the older man.
“What exactly do you promise?” Barry asks. Rafe pauses, “I promise that Sofia doesn’t mean anything to me, I have no lingering feelings for her or whatever, alright? I’m sorry for not telling you everything. Honestly, man, I didn’t even think about her after I broke things off over the phone. I just wanted to get back and…” He remembers thinking about Barry on the journey back from Morocco. He thought about the way they used to get high and hang out at the trailer, how Barry was always willing to help when he asked, how Barry seemed to actually enjoy Rafe being around instead of just tolerating him.
“Well shit, don’t stop now, Country Club,” Barry said, a small smile on his face. “I just wanted to get back and find you so I could tell you…uh, to tell you how much I missed you and…” Vulnerability is hard for Rafe, easier with Barry, but still difficult. “C’mon, Rafe, I’ve literally been inside you on every surface of this place, ain’t no reason to be shy.” Rafe blushes. “That’s different and you know it,” he says.
Fuck. He should just lay it all out there because he’ll be damned if he loses Barry over this. Rafe locks eyes with him as he continues, “I want to be with you, only you. It’s like maybe the only thing I’ve been sure about in my whole life so please…please don’t be mad at me, okay?”
“I was always gonna forgive you, Country Club. Felt good to make ya suffer a bit though,” Barry says. “I fucking hate you,” Rafe rolls his eyes.
“Yeah, well I love you.”
Rafe’s stomach does a barrel roll. “You do?”
“Yeah obviously, bro,” Barry smiles, flashing his gold tooth. Rafe is on him in an instant, hands everywhere and lips meeting in an urgent kiss. “I love you too,” Rafe says between kisses. “Like so much.”
It crosses Rafe’s mind that if he would have been kissing Barry like this sooner maybe none of the shitstorm that was last year would’ve happened. Oh well, he thinks, at least he’s got it right this time.