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Kwak Jiseok was never into astronomy growing up; in fact, he was never superstitious in the first place. He had always found it silly to believe in horoscopes, or that signs from the universe were in fact real. Anytime the topic had been brought up at school he always rolled his eyes or muttered under his breath. Maybe it’s because he wasn’t very religious in the first place but he genuinely didn’t understand why so many people made such a big deal over things like this. One time his friend Seungmin shoved a news article in his face about how Geminis and Cancers were apparently ‘made to be’ and were destined to be together.
“Okay, what about Capricorns? Who am I supposed to be destined to be with?” Jiseok had asked sarcastically, yet Seungmin scrolled down the list to find out that Leos and Capricorns made a dangerous pair, yet were basically like soulmates. The older one had scoffed in response and was still thinking about it when he went home for the night. He thought it was a load of nonsense.
That was, until he met Han Hyeongjun.
Looking back, that was the worst day of Jiseok’s life, and he’s had a lot of bad days as a twenty-three year old.
Jiseok had gone to his first ever collage party because he decided to tag along with Seungmin and Jooyeon and regretted it barely ten minutes in because he was given a vodka cranberry. No one had warned him how strong those things were, but that’s only because they weren’t supposed to be strong. It turns out Jiseok just has really shitty alcohol tolerance. He was so drunk that he somehow managed to wander off from his friends and sneak downstairs to the basement without a second thought. He tripped on his own two feet until someone had caught him just in time. Jiseok’s cheeks were already bright red from the alcohol, but they turned a deeper shade when he locked eyes with the most beautiful man he’s ever met in his life.
“Hey…a-are you okay?” He had said and his grip on Jiseok was soft but firm at the same time. He had honestly looked like he wanted to be anywhere else at the moment but he was still concerned for Jiseok. “You’re not alone, right?”
“I dunno where my friends are at,” Jiseok slurred his words as he tried to hold himself up on the wall. He then began to giggle uncontrollably. It turns out Hyeongjun had never been in the same room with a drunk person up until that night despite his age.
Despite not knowing each other, they stayed side-by-side the entire night, even after Jiseok had found Seungmin and Jooyeon again. And that was supposed to be it - until Jiseok boldly asked for Hyeongjun’s number and he actually gave it to him.
Then, things turned into another and in the span of two months Jiseok had given Hyeongjun a chaste kiss on the cheek - he had done it without even processing it and was on the verge of mumbling a thousand apologies at once but Hyeongjun just shushed him and leaned down to give him a proper kiss on the lips.
Their relationship was something that Jiseok didn’t know was possible; full of love and care. All of his former situationships and relationships were a mess destined from the start, full of red flags that he either chose to ignore or just didn’t notice because he was in love. But no, this time with Hyeongjun was different. He was convinced that they would stay together, and if not, things wouldn’t end in such a heart-breaking mess. Especially not with Hyeongjun dumping him while Jiseok was on a plane.
It was just a nine month relationship. Jiseok had thought to himself. It wouldn’t have mattered that much, anyway. I don’t really care.
But he really did care because now here he was; no matter how hard he tried to forget it, to forget their relationship and what they had, it always came back to him. Because in reality, you can’t just suddenly stop loving someone, especially when you dedicated a huge chunk of your life to them. With the way they ended and how much he meant to him, Hyeongjun couldn’t leave his mind.
Jiseok layed in bed for weeks thinking the same thing; was Hyeongjun missing him, or was he moving on like nothing serious happened between them? Sure, he was the one that had ended things after all, but his reasons weren’t even that clear. Or maybe Jiseok was just so tired from the flight that he couldn’t understand anything besides We should end things, Jiseok. I’m sorry.
But what was Hyeongjun really apologizing for? For letting Jiseok love him? For spending his time on him? For breaking up with him? For not doing it face-to-face?
He was also in denial for the first month or so. Anytime Seungmin or Jooyeon brought it up during their weekly hangouts, Jiseok would start to cry and deny that they had ended because that’s what he wanted to believe.
Then suddenly he became superstitious. It was only because he was so convinced that their relationship could somehow be restored despite everything. And as stupid as it sounds, he came across sighs that practically screamed at him that he and Hyeongjun aren’t meant to be; broken glass, cracked pavement, and black cats on the streets, and of course he couldn’t forget about his salt cellars spilling the seasoning all over his table.
But he searched in fields looking for four-leaf clovers to prove that they were indeed meant to be, and that one time he ordered a wishbone at a fancy restaurant with his friends, and every night where he sat outside looking at the sky–
Nope. Can’t do that. Don’t even think about it.
Ever since he was young he stayed up a little late to go stargazing, tracing the outlines of the shapes of the stars with his fingers like a coloring book he was given as a kid.
Tonight, Jiseok sits outside by himself like usual. The only other person he has ever allowed to be with him during his favorite time of day (well, night) was Hyeongjun, but now that’s gone. He told himself that again and again, as if he would finally accept it if he repeated it enough. He still hasn’t, though.
Jiseok looks at the stars with hatred in his eyes ever since Hyeongjun left. Although it’s not Hyeongjun he hates, because when he checks the time and it reads 11:11 he still wishes for Hyeongjun. He always will.