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Whatever he had expected of life, he had not expected this.
While he had been a determined boy in his youth, he always knew that there were things that could never be reached. No matter how much he willed it to be untrue, he was still a Pureblood. Regulus was still his brother. And Tori Lowry still hated his guts.
The latter, of course, had changed. He and Tori had married recently and were still coasting through life on the newlywed love that so many people enviously spoke about. Many said that it died within a year – Sirius intended to keep it going for a long, long time.
Not only had the married but they had given birth to a bouncing baby girl, who was now fourteen months into her life. To Sirius it seemed like only yesterday that he held his daughter for the first time, staring at a replica of a younger self.
“Hey Moony,” he called into the kitchen where he knew Remus Lupin was making some tea, “remember that time –“
A loud knock interrupted his sentence. Remus poked his head out of the kitchen, raising his eyebrow at the door. “Were you expecting anyone?”
“Nope,” Sirius muttered, and then grinned. “But I doubt it’s a Death Eater. Knocking kind of kills the element of surprise.”
Remus shrugged and made his way towards the door. “It’s pretty late for it to be Dumbledore.”
With Sirius close behind, he opened the door and barely caught the infant that was rolled into his arms. There was a flash of a woman as she stumbled and found balance when Sirius held her. The child began to wail as Remus stared at Victoria Lowry.
Her already pale skin was pasty and white. Her eyes, usually bright blue and laughing were now glossed over and darting about nervously. Her gorgeous black mane of hair was tossed and ruffled with bits of sticks and leaves in it. And her breathing…. shallow and short.
“Bloody hell, Tori-“
Her eyes flashed to her daughter, her hands uselessly trying to calm the child, “Is sh-she hurt?”
Remus looked down at Karina Black, frowning slightly, “She looks fine with me. Is there a reason you ask?”
“Voldemort.”
Ice swam in Sirius’ stomach as he looked at his Kari. His eyes found Remus’, who was already whipping out his wand and muttering incantations.
“Come one, Tori. Let’s get you to bed.”
Tori shook her head stubbornly, coughing. “I-I need to be… with her.”
“Remus will bring her over as soon as she’s calmed down. In the mean time –“ he stopped mid sentence as he picked her up and saw that blood began to trickle down her nose. “Tori, what-.”
Tori Lowry- Black closed her eyes, wishing she could have done more to protect those she loved. “Voldemort wanted me to kill Kari… Sirius… I dra…drank the poison that was meant for our daughter.”
“Poison,” Sirius breathed as the words washed over him. “Tori, you shouldn’t have.”
Accusingly, she narrowed her eyes. “If I had… hadn’t, Kari would have died.”
“We can always make another one!” he cried desperately, as he set her down on their bed.
Tori let out a sigh as he watched her husband race around the house frantically; yelling for Remus and a miracle that she was sure would not come.
*
Sirius sat hunched over, rubbing his hands over his face. His home was crowded with people who loved and cared for him and his family. He found it both touching and irritating that they were there.
The bedroom door closed softly, and six pairs of eyes looked up to stare at a young man whose curtain of black, greasy hair still covered most of his face.
“Well?” Sirius demanded hoarsely.
Severus Snape frowned, fighting the clot that had settled in his throat, “I… I’ve given her a potion for the pain. I’m sorry, Black but that poison…” he broke off as his voice wavered.
Sirius stood up slowly, his eyes a dangerous shade of grey. “You’re telling me that you –the top of our class in the Dark Arts and Potions- can’t find a cure for my wife?”
Helplessly and hoping to not embarrass himself, his whispered, “I’m sorry.”
“Then do something,” he growled, only inches away from Severus’ face now.
“I tried everything I know and then some. I can’t… I don’t….”
Lily Potter nodded slowly, her eyes red from the tears she’d shed. “Its okay, Severus. You did your best.”
“He bloody well did not do his best!” Sirius roared, punching the wall and only missing Snape’s head by inches. “If he had, then Tori would be fine!”
Taking three quick steps, James Potter crossed the room and put a hand on Sirius. “Padfoot, stop. Let’s call Dumbledore, maybe he’ll be able to do something.”
Sirius let out a slow breath, turning to face Snape. “Get out of my house.”
Panicking, Snape looked at Sirius desperately. “Please… I need to be here when it happens. Tori was my best friend –“
With an oath, Sirius grabbed Snape by his elbow and dragged him to the door, ignoring everyone’s protests. He pushed him outside and glared at him. “She’s my wife, Snivellus. Remember that.”
*
“Sirius, I know you don’t want to think about it but Kari needs you. She keeps asking for her mother, and it’s not helping when her father won’t even spare her a look.”
Not bothering to answer, Sirus stood from the room and walked outside. Maggie Potter’s jaw dropped, eyes narrowing dangerously. “Did he just blow me off, the bleeding –“
“Maggie,” Remus said softly, scooping Kari out of the crib and drying her tears. “Just let him be for awhile.”
Rounding on him, she crossed her arms and glared at him accusingly, “Let him be? Remus, he’s ignoring his daughter! I understand that this is hard. It’s hard for all of us, not just him. But he has a responsibility to his daughter. I don’t under…stand…” she drifted off slowly, sinking into a couch and staring intently at the floor. “It’s like he hates Kari.”
Remus looked away from her, going into the kitchen and sitting Kari in her seat. He wondered idly when the last time Sirius had bothered to feed the infant and secretly hoped his best friend knew better than let the child starve.
Maggie followed him into the kitchen, her eyes growing wide, “Remus. Is he…”
“Please don’t,” he begged softly as he heated up some cut up veggies for Kari. “I don’t want to talk to talk about it.”
“Remus John Lupin, if you don’t talk about it now you never will! Now tell me the truth: does he think he’s incapable of taking care of Kari because her mother’s gone?”
With care, he set down the plate in front of Kari, taking the time to lean down and kiss her forehead, accepting the sloppy kiss she planted on his cheek. After making sure the child could eat on her own for a bit, he led Maggie into the living room and sighed wearily, “he thinks Kari is to blame for Tori’s death.”
Anger in her eyes brewed, her mouth already setting into a grim line. “She’s barely one . What the bloody hell was Kari supposed to do? Snatch the vial from Victoria’s hands? Jump in front of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and offer herself as a sacrifice? Does he honestly believe his wife would have let her daughter die?”
The door slammed shut, echoing loudly throughout the house and staring right at them was Sirius.
There was a clatter from the kitchen. “Emus! Fork!”
Maggie stared right into Sirius’ storming eyes, balling her fists. “Go, Remus. Tend after Kari. Somebody has to.”
“Margaret Mary, if you weren’t my best friends cousin I’d jinx the crap out of you,” Sirius snarled dangerously.
She whipped out her wand easily, daring him. “You don’t need to hide behind James, Black. Bring it.”
“Enough,” Remus said as he came back into the room with Kari in his arms. “We shouldn’t be fighting –“
“If that child hadn’t been around, Tori would still be alive,” hissed Sirius.
Her eyebrows shot into her bangs, “seems you have no one but you to blame for that one. Should have kept it in your pants and then you wouldn’t have had Kari.”
“Addy?” Kari said shyly, extending her arms to Sirius. “Addy play?”
A look of revulsion flashed across his face. He took a step away from her, his mouth curling into a snarl. He could see Tori in every little way in the child in front of him. It hurt his heart and made his stomach ache. He wished he could have had the choice to save the woman he had been in love with for nearly a decade instead of the one he barely knew.
“Padfoot…”
His eyes widened as he realized everything he had been thinking he had said out loud. His eyes flew to Kari who he was sure hadn’t understood everything but she stuck her face in Remus’ chest nonetheless. And yet, he couldn’t find the words to say sorry because there were none. Everything now in the open was the God honest truth and there was no going back.
Maggie crossed the room in a flurry and slapped Sirius’ hard across the face. “You selfish bastard . Victoria gave her life for her daughter and you question her bloody decision. How is that in any way respecting her choice?! Put your emotions on hold for a moment and get your shit together,” she pointed at Kari angrily, “she should be your priority. Teach her about her mother, otherwise when she’s older, she’s going to be hanging on to wisps of memories of a woman who she knows nothing about.”
Momentarily stunned, Sirius said nothing. Before he knew it, Remus was between them, trying to pull Maggie away. “We’ll take Kari, Padfoot.”
“Remus –“
He shot Maggie a glance and passed Kari into her arms. “At least until you can get back on your feet. But you have to talk to Dumbledore about this, Padfoot. You can’t blame everyone for something that Tori chose to do.”
He watched as Maggie put Kari down on the floor and began to stuff toys and clothes into a bag. Remus wandered into the kitchen and packed Kari’s bottles and food. He slid into a chair, feeling the numbness spread through his body. He was barely aware of the fact that Kari had walked towards him, and hugged his knees when she reached him.
Maggie scooped her up into one arm, not bothering to say goodbye to Sirius. Remus followed them close behind, offering a small smile at him. He locked eyes with his daughter before Maggie dashed her into the night and though he knew it was impossible, he could have sworn she mouthed, “I’m sorry.”