Chapter Text
SECOND CHANCE [EXTENDED]
CHAPTER 1 = CHOICE OF SURRENDER
September, X792 - Irene
“You’ve caused no end of trouble for me, you little brat…” She lifts the sword used against her and approaches the downed wizard, pointing the blade at her fallen opponent. “Now, you die.” Triumph is at hand. “Accept your fate.”
Just as the words leave her mouth, the Queen of Fairies does something most unexpected.
She smiles.
Smiles as she did all those many years ago, bundled in a blanket, small arms waving up at Irene under the tree by the lake which she chose for the location of the birth. That small, helpless little baby. So happy to be brought into the world…
“Stop smiling!”
She presses the sword down into the young woman’s shoulder, but Erza just keeps smiling, even daring to push herself up with her good arm.
“I… haven’t given up yet!” Erza’s momentum pushes the sword through her shoulder and out beneath her breast, but Irene only has a moment to take in her nerve because the woman doesn’t stop there. No, Erza pushes up further, knocking into Irene with her head with enough force it has Irene tasting blood.
They’re airborne for a moment, but Irene catches herself, landing back on her feet while Erza falls to the ground, sword still pierced through her body as her bad arm connects with the ground.
Irene watches her, realisation setting in. She clenches her hands at her sides. “Still too soft,” she reprimands, anger and nausea combining within her, “to see things through.” Confusion takes hold of Erza and Irene can almost hear the question simply by the look on her face. She grins, teeth showing and smile wide. “It’s right here.” She holds up the sword as evidence, having retrieved it with magic right after Erza landed.
Irene watches her, this scarlet haired wizard, who stares back at her with eyes of defiance. It is a gaze that speaks of life-lust, of strong will and a desire to continue despite the pain. To keep smiling.
In that moment, she makes her decision.
The enchantment the Dragon Slayer girl put on the sword is strong, but Irene enhances it as she turns the blade upon herself. The edge cuts through her flesh as she pierces it point first into her upper stomach, right under her ribcage. The metal is cold against her blood when she forces it through her body, stabbing upward and using both hands to push it out her back.
The faces staring at her are full of bewilderment and quiet horror. That alone tells her that they are unused to death, but their silence is testament to the strength of their minds. This war will scar them, but they will survive. Yes. Without her, they will survive.
“Pathetic.” The thought has her smiling again, wry and angry and pained. “I am the most powerful woman in the empire, yet,” she meets Erza’s wide-eyed gaze and feels her own soften, “I am still unable to kill my own daughter.” She sinks to her knees, her body heavy, but she keeps the sword in place as blood flows down her stomach and back, her eye and chest stinging from Erza’s previous strike.
“Wh-Why?”
“A fine question. Why, indeed?”
To kill Erza was her task. An assignment given by the Emperor himself. A test of her deepest truth. No matter the amount of time that has past, no matter which lie she tells or how many wounds she inflicts upon her daughter’s body, Irene cannot run from her own heart.
“I… The truth is that I chose not to Enchant you. When I was faced with you, my newborn baby, you were just too precious.” For the first time in nearly three decades, Irene feels tears come to her eyes. “I abandoned you before I could change my mind.” She smiles again, wry still, but sad this time too. “But it’s not like you’d believe me. I’ve given you no reason to.”
She closes her eyes, against the tears or the chill spreading through her body, she doesn’t know.
“It was your smile.” She admits, beginning to fall. “That, I suppose, made me remember how much…” For a moment she can’t breathe despite the numbness spreading through her body in place of the pain. Irene hits the ground, she knows she does because the blade changes position just so slightly and it tears her back open further, bringing back the breath she needs to finish her confession, “I loved you.”
There is a long silence that makes her think that this floating, dark space is to be her eternity, but then sound registers and she realises that she’s still aware, still alive.
“Farewell… Mother.”
Words she never thought she would hear. Not directed at her and certainly never spoken by the daughter she so harmed. Her heart aches, but only her wounds weep as far as she knows. If she does cry, she doesn’t feel it.
“Erza…”
“Wendy, are you all right?”
“I’m more concerned about you.”
“I am fine.”
“Um, I wasn’t talking about your injuries.”
“I’m all right in that aspect as well. Thank you, Wendy.”
Their voices grow dimmer, further, but the presence of their magical auras remain firm and steady, remaining in place. That means that she is losing awareness. Good. Soon, this will finally all be over.
“I think perhaps… she may have been a very sad woman. Even so, my only parent is the master.”
An unreasonable bitterness fills her as her hearing finally fails, but rather than rage, Irene leans into the blooming sorrow of her spirit. The Scarlet Despair shall soon be no more. Erza will be safe. More than that, she will need the family she has chosen for herself and Irene hopes - in spite of the pain that seeps deeper within her at the thought - that Makarov will survive to continue watching over her child.
-- Second Chance --
-- Second Chance --
[If Only In A Dream]
Fanfiction.net = https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13928638/1/If-only-in-a-dream
Archive of Our Own = https://archiveofourown.org/works/58530055
-- Second Chance --
-- Second Chance --
October, X764 - Irene
Irene slowly opens her eyes, the memory, or now a dream, she supposes, fading as the scars on her stomach and her lower chest sting. It isn't often that dragons dream. They have no need for such things beyond spiritual communication, after all, but Irene was once human and her mind still acts as though she is. Dreams and nightmares have been her companions for hundred of years, keeping her just beyond the reach of peace and within the clutches of madness.
It is no different after her revival.
She sits up – she’s in a bed - examining her surroundings. “The inn.” She whispers, beginning to remember. After going into the forest to scavenge for medicinal herbs, she made potions which she sold to the local healer before leaving the farming village to come here, coast ward. She should be able to find work in the village nearby. This time of year the tides bring in enough fish that the fishing villages are always short on hands.
“So, another day dawns.” Outside, the sun shines in through the window. Irene can only see another unexpected day. She should be upset, she supposes, having been prepared to die and denied even that, but she was returned to a moment where further attempts are impossible. “What say you, Erza? Shall we brave it?” Irene caresses her stomach, a wry, tired smile on her lips.
Yes, there will be no attempts. Not with this little one inside her.
She readies for the day, endures the morning sickness through breakfast and heads out onto the road with the cloak she bought back in the farming village. The path to the next is some distance by foot, but Irene is in no hurry. When night falls, she finds a secluded area and starts a fire, humming quietly to herself.
She dreams again, that night.
The dreams come to her in memories both old and new.
In her previous life, she once woke to having set the barn on fire and fled from the village before the owners could accuse her of damaging their property. This time, fortunately, Irene starts no fires. Instead she wakes up in bursts of cold sweat, the feel of a blade pressed against her skin, arms around her stomach and the scar beneath her breast burning with liquid fire.
Each time she is caught in a panic, terrified her baby has been ripped from her. She casts healing enchantments and others alongside, only to be calmed by the steady beating of a heart in the back of her mind when she focuses.
That night is the same.
“Erza!” It’s raining when she wakes up and the sky remains dark, but with her enchantments she feels the heartbeat beneath her own and calms herself, pulling the dragon back in. Her dress and cloak would have been soaked if not for the enchantments placed prior, but fortunately they hold and Irene has no difficulty seeing in the dark.
She abandons the idea of sleeping further and continues on her way, eventually reaching her destination with the coming of dawn. As predicted, there is work in this village and though they doubt her at first, she quickly proves herself. Securing a place to sleep isn’t difficult with the coin she’s earned, but she saves it instead.
She needs the Jewels for expenses such as clothes and food, although it really isn't so much for herself beyond that. She has spent years hunting and staying in caves, well accustomed to it, but while in human form she would prefer to act as one. Futile as it may be.
“Up early again, Miss?”
“Of course. There’s much to do.”
“He. You work hard. It’s good. It’ll take you far.”
She pretends at kindness for the time she spends in the fishing village and is often rewarded with boons for her work even if the sun and smell of fish causes her morning sickness to worsen. She has never been so grateful for enchantments or her practice in keeping a straight face while dealing with irritating nosy bodies you very much want to punch in the face.
“You’ve been working hard today. Get some rest, hm? You’re looking a little pale anyway. Here’s your pay.”
The chief of the fishmongers is a kind if somewhat naive man. He takes good care of his workers and asks little questions. Irene doesn’t know if he does so with her because she’s a woman or if it’s out of pity.
“Yes, thank you.”
-- Second Chance --
November, X764 - Irene
Fatigue catches up with her because of the nightmares. It happens far too often throughout the first few months of her pregnancy, leaving her with little energy and horrid moods, but it becomes more manageable after her stomach starts to swell. With her beginning to show, Irene also realises the complication of staying in the same place.
She leaves the fishing village without fanfare, only a notice to her employer.
She purchases new clothes before she leaves, something warmer with the winds picking up now that autumn has come. She doesn’t spend more than that. Her daughter will need clothing too, of course. Erza will be born well into spring, but Irene will need to save up Jewels before the winter months if she intends to make such purchases. Work is scarce when the cold comes, she remembers.
She hadn't had time for such concerns previously, too focused on obtaining a human vessel and learning Fioran to bother with thoughts of having a living being inside her who would be in need of care. Irene never intended on allowing Erza to live, after all.
Now it's different. Her daughter should be her only priority.
Yet every so often she feels the old madness claw at the corners of her mind, the dragon in her itching to be released from the human skin she has forced it into. It is unpleasant, uncomfortable and undesirable.
Irene makes due with ignoring it as best she can.
That is how she finds herself changing work to go along with the place and season, until autumn turns to winter.
-- Second Chance --
December, X764 - Irene
“Ugh…” Irene holds back the nausea as she turns to her side, mostly untouched by the cold wind blowing in from the mouth of the cave. She’s been stormed in and it hasn’t let up in the last few days, but earlier she braved it for food. It wouldn’t have mattered as much if there wasn’t another to consider. Although it appears her daughter did not much appreciate the boar she caught in this foul weather.
“This was the part I could do without.” She thinks to herself as the sickness settles deeper in her stomach.
For Erza, she repeats in her mind.
-- Second Chance --
January, X765 - Irene
The kicking stars, exactly as she remembers, on a somewhat warmer day in the middle of the first month of the year. She’s working in a small city tavern, serving food and drink while wearing loose enough clothes to not give way her state. If she hadn’t been expecting it for the last few days, she might have dropped the tray.
Instead she shoves down the discomfort and the unexpected burst of joy that blooms in her chest and continues serving the customers. When she gets off her shift later in the evening, Irene heads straight for the nearest weave store to purchase the softest cloth she can find. She spends the rest of the night smiling to herself as she threads magic into the material, working away on the beginnings of an engraved baby blanket.
For Erza.
-- Second Chance --
March, X765 - Irene
On the first day of spring, Irene disappears from yet another small settlement in the northern mountains to make her way down south. She watches the ice melt as she goes and dreams of herself as the Sage Dragon basking in the sun’s warming glow.
With herbs becoming available again, she crafts new potions and sells them to merchants and traders in a city she passes through. One guard nearly refuses to allow her to leave, demanding to know the whereabouts of her husband and why he would allow a pregnant woman to journey on her own.
Irene, with a tight smile and narrowed eyes, makes an attempt at civility. “He’s dead.”
“Even so, it isn’t safe for a woman who can barely walk!” He restrains her be the wrist.
Irene does leave the city, but not before leaving the guard with a broken nose and a burned arm severe enough to have others rush him to their closest healer.
-- Second Chance --
April 7th, X765 - Irene
She goes to the lake, the same one from her past life, and grits her teeth through the contractions. Exactly as she did then, Irene holds her smiling daughter beneath the tree under which her madness had been broken in a previous life. This time, she smiles back, caressing a wrinkled reddish cheek with clawed fingers. “Hello, Erza.”
She pulls out the blanket she made from her storage space and wraps it around the newborn with care. It’s a peaceful, surprisingly serene moment in which even her dragon preens with content and pride. They are one, in that moment, the human and dragon bearing the name Irene. Not that they were ever truly separate, much as she had loved to pretend otherwise for a time.
Erza lies against her breast and holds one of Irene’s fingers in a warrior’s grip. It has her smiling more, in spite of herself. “My little knight.”
She knows in that moment that there can be no further suicide attempts. Not until a time her daughter is truly well and ready to be on her own. When this precious child who has never needed her, will not consume all of Irene’s mind and smile just like this in every thought. For Erza, Irene cannot allow either madness nor trauma to bind her.
“So strong, little hatchling.” She finds herself whispering, the Sage Dragon part of her coming to see its offspring in full. “Yet so small for the weight you will one day bear.”
Erza does not understand, only continues to smile up at her with a full display of gums and laughter. Irene revels in it.
The moment, inevitably, comes to an end. She rests only enough to have enough stamina to make it to the nearest village. Strong as Irene may be, newborns should not be left out in the elements without reason.
-- Second Chance --
April 9th, X765 - Irene
Irene wakes slowly, almost languid, as her latest dream softly fades away. It wasn’t an unpleasant one, to her surprise. A magical presence and an an odd sense of warmth draws her eyes to Erza. Her baby is sleeping soundly against her side, the blanket once covering her kicked away in favour of Irene’s body-heat.
It’s been two days since Erza’s birth and nearly six months since Irene found herself waking up in the past with her suicide stark in her mind and the mark on her body to prove its truth. She still has no idea how her revival came to be. Perhaps Emperor Spriggan succeeded and time was wound back for her as well, but then her death would not be a memory, so that theory is unlikely.
Some god may have taken pity on her and send her soul back, though even that has no ground as Irene certainly has no quality that would make her redeemable in the eyes of any benevolent deity. Perhaps it was a whim, or a ploy for amusement. She does not know.
Regardless, she has made use of this chance given to her.
She has returned and this time has had her daughter naturally and with preparations. Now, in this little room in this small local inn, she’s left to make a decision as is par for the course.
When she first returned to the past, Irene had set her mind to give Erza up just as before, but as the months went by and she experienced her baby’s movements and then the birth with Erza smiling at her, Irene’s resolve began to fray. Continues to burn to nothingness, even now. Exactly as it had the first time.
There is no knowing if madness will rear its head again, yet she finds herself wanting to keep her child. She wants her daughter by her side, but above all else, she wants to do better by her this time. To achieve that, she cannot be selfish - Erza and her future must come before all else.
"To think that I could love you even more..." She traces her baby's cheek softly with a claw, watching her peaceful expression. Her heart aches at the sight. "My dear Erza... I promise you, I will prove myself as a mother. But in order to do that, I cannot pretend that I did not die. I cannot ignore the magnitude of what I tried to steal. My sins will not be yours to carry."
Tears sting her eyes, but Irene smiles through them. Her heartache far greater than her desire to avoid weakness. With a kiss to Erza's forehead, Irene gets up from the bed and sets about preparing for the day ahead. With the little belongings she brought with her either Equipped or Stored, Irene picks up her daughter and retreats from the room, down the stairs and up to the front desk.
It's quite early and the receptionist who allowed her use of the room the evening before last is absent. She sets down the room key and the last of the payment, half-heartedly Enchanting it against thieves. Obligation fulfilled, the High Enchantress takes her leave.
Only early risers are up and about as she passes through the main street, but its an elderly woman setting up a fruit stall that catches her eye. Approaching, Irene eyes the available assortment and the human smiles at her, her face wrinkled but kind.
"Welcome and good morning to you and your little one. Is there anything that has caught your interest? It's all fresh from my son's field."
"Hm. The strawberries seem to be of high quality. Did your son cultivate them himself?"
Pride and adoration brighten the old woman's features and Irene feels a sudden pang of comradery and loss. "Indeed. He's always loved nature. Ever since he was a boy he's been doing his best to grow plants that would make other people smile. To hear you compliment the fruit he has worked so hard to raise brings me great joy. Only 20 Jewel a bunch."
To make others smile. What a sentiment. She shifts Erza in her arms when the baby stirs, but her girl is quick to return to sleep with her head resting against Irene's breast and her small fist knotted into her clothes. She seems content.
"I'm afraid a purchase shall be a waste on us. I intend to leave and make my way east from here. Is there a village or town nearby where we might stop along the way?"
"East, you say? I'm afraid the most you'll find are small, rural villages. Most along the coast and the closest more than a day's walk from here." The woman hesitates, then continues carefully, "If I may, where do you intend to go? I might be able to tell you of a more direct path."
For a moment, Irene is distracted by Erza borrowing closer to her. Her resolve falters, but she steels herself and with a deep breath in, says, "Rosemary Village."
"That's quite a ways from here." The woman's expression changes, concern now lining her feature. "Will you be all right making such a long journey? Your daughter still seems so young."
Irene raises a brow and fights down the urge to comment in a manner as she would to a citizen of the Empire. "I am confident in my ability."
Worry remains in the old woman's face, but she nods and ceases her questioning to provide the promised directions. As Irene walks away, she catches a whispered prayer for protection, meant for her and Erza. It is an unexpected gesture - and certainly unnecessary - but Irene still finds herself casting an enchantment of health for the old woman. Payment for the information. After all, she has no interest being indebted to anyone.
With that as her final act, Irene puts the village behind her and begins the slow trek to Rosemary Village. It will be done on foot, of course. Though she did make up her mind about giving Erza up, that by no means implies she must do so immediately. If that happens to require her daughter to remain with her a while longer, well, it's simple practicality.
Her baby needs milk, after all.
-- Second Chance --
April 24th, X765 - Irene
Irene watches the sun rising from the steps of the Rosemary Village Church. In a basket she wove together with enchantments, sleeps Erza, little limbs tucked in securely within the blanket wrapped around her to block out the cool morning air.
In her previous life, Irene made her way to these very steps with teleportation magic not long after her daughter's birth. Back then, she had feared herself far too much to run the risk of making a journey the ordinary way. Being less afraid of herself in this life and now possessed of more understanding and control, Irene's choice is different.
She stays longer, lingering by her daughter's side though she knows that soon she will need to leave, to step away and become a shadow of Erza's past. Perhaps that is why she remains and why her sword-scar aches the longer she does.
At last, with the sun climbing the sky, Erza begins to stir awake and Irene smiles to herself, quiet and sorrowful in the knowledge that this is goodbye. She picks her up to hold her, one last time. The baby stirs and with her waking comes gurgles and a wide, gum-filled smile. "I love you, Erza. My precious baby girl. My strong little knight."
Tears sting her eyes as she kisses her baby on the forehead. The last part of her farewell. She puts Erza back in the basket and using teleportation magic, sends herself to the nearby forest. Irene watches from behind a tree as her baby girl begins to cry, arms flailing and visible over the top of the basket, drawing the attention of the waking priests and priestesses.
An older-looking man comes running down the steps, his eyes widening upon seeing the basket and its content. He looks around frantically, all while covering the basket with his own body. He doesn't spot Irene, his eyesight perhaps too poor or too human to see the scarlet of her hair between the green and brown from his distance.
She watches as he carefully picks up Erza and soothes her, then finally spots the note Irene left. He unfolds it and reads it, then looks around one last time with a soft, resigned smile. The scar on her stomach, the one that triggered her transformation, suddenly stings, so Irene covers it with a hand and continues to watch until her little girl is truly well out of her sight. Safe behind the church doors.
"Requip."
The enchantment washes over her, replacing the clothes she has been wearing with her imperial garments, absent only of its crest this time. Her hair parts to weave into thick braids and the black and white material settles comfortably over her skin, her gloves stretching into place as her claws nearly pierce through the fingertips. When the transformation is complete, she stands as she did in her final battle: Irene Belserion, the Scarlet Despair.
She spares one final glance back at Rosemary Church and smiles, saddened, before teleporting away in a burst of flames.
-- Second Chance --