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Garrus stepped off the elevator, but before he made his normal right turn to head to the main battery, he noticed the door to life support was locked. Odd, he thought, the only person who ever used that room was Thane. “Krios,” he practically whispered out loud. Come to think of it, he hadn’t seen Shepard since they left the Citadel either.
Curiosity got the better of him and he walked over to the locked door. He pulled up a hack on his omni-tool and set it to work. He knew, without a doubt, that he’d find exactly who he had been looking for just on the other side. The hack worked quickly and he stepped into the room far enough for the doors to slide shut behind him.
“I could have sworn I locked that door, Garrus” came her voice from the other side of the table in the back of the room. She didn’t bother to look at him, which made him smile. Shepard had her knees pulled up into the chair and her arms wrapped so tightly around them that she looked like a grenade. Her forehead was pressed to her knees and her hood was covering her head. The whole thing made her look unusually small.
“Oh, it was locked alright,” he said as he walked over to the table and sat in the chair opposite her. “But I’ve been looking for you since you left the Council.” He paused, waiting for her to respond. Garrus continued to take her in as he waited for her to speak. After almost a full minute of silence, she finally spoke again.
“How do you always know where to find me?” She asked as she lifted her head and removed the hood of her jacket. She kept one arm wrapped around her legs as the other one now sat below her chin while she looked at Garrus. Her eyes were red and glassy, and the implication made him clench his jaw. They stared at each other for a beat too long before he responded.
“I lost track of you once, and it was two years before I saw you again. I don’t make the same mistake twice,” he added, lightening his tone.
She half smiled. It was a start. “Penny for your thoughts?” he asked as he leaned back in the chair to make himself more comfortable.
Shepard chuckled at that phrasing. Good, his plan was working. “Have you been talking to Lorik Qui’in? Where did you pick up that phrase? Oh wait, don’t tell me you’ve been keeping tabs on him, too?”
“Of course I’d keep tabs on the turian that made a pass at you. Especially when both of you happen to be on the Citadel at the same time.”
This time, she dropped her legs from the chair and leaned both elbows on the table to truly laugh.
“Now that I’ve loosened you up, what’s really on your mind, Shepard?” he asked as gently as he could.
She heaved a deep sign and leaned back in the chair. Shepard looked at him, really looked at him and responded, “It’s rare for you to walk around the ship without your armor.”
“It’s easier for me to pull you in close without it,” he said with no hesitation, never dropping eye contact.
“Careful, Garrus. Keep talking to me like that, and we might have to finish this conversation in my cabin.”
It was his turn to chuckle now. “I always enjoy testing the limits of our reach and flexibility, Shepard.” They both got a good laugh out of that one. He could now see the tension leaving her body and she started to relax into the chair – no longer coiled tight like a snake ready to pounce. “But I’m really asking how you’re doing. There hasn’t been much time to process Thane’s death and pointing a gun at your ex.”
He watched the mirth fade from her eyes as she looked up at him again. “Just rip the bandaid off, eh?”
He leaned forward, placing his forearms on the table. “Unfortunately, time is the one thing we don’t have in this war. But that doesn’t mean you can just bottle up your emotions and hope no one notices. Shepard, you gave me space to feel the emotions of not knowing if my father and sister were alive. The rage, the fear, the helplessness… You gave me space for all of it. So please, let me be there for you right now.”
“Damn, Garrus, that was smooth,” she joked with another half smile. As she opened her mouth to say something else, he cut her off.
“Stop. Don’t bother saying anything as cold as, ‘I don’t have time to be emotional’ or anything else as equally flippant.”
She closed her mouth and really tried hard to stop a smile from spreading, but it didn’t work. “You got me there, big guy,” she laughed. Once done, she ran both hands through her hair before continuing.
“It seems really stupid to be upset about this one thing, but back when we were chasing the Collectors, Thane called me something that didn’t translate. He said, ‘someday I’ll tell you what it means,’ but that’s never going to happen now. Fighting the collectors and now the Reapers, I’d forgotten about it until visiting him in the hospital as he lay dying. Sure, he was sick, and he wasn’t long for this galaxy anyway, but it doesn’t hurt any less. And selfishly, part of me is sad about the stories I’ll never get to hear. He was fascinating to talk to. Sometimes I’d have tea with him and Samara in the port observation room, and they’d tell all kinds of wild stories about their conquests. By the way, did you know Samara chased Nhylus across two systems?!” She stopped abruptly and looked at Garrus then. She cocked her head to the side as if pondering something.
Then she asked, “You scared him off, didn’t you?”
“Not in so many words,” Garrus responded.
“Vakarian, you did not!”
“Like I said before, I lost you once, and I hadn’t planned to let it happen again.”
“When did you talk to him about me? Things seemed to have shifted between me and him after we got his son back and after you let Sidonis go.”
“We never talked about you. But we shared a moment on the Citadel back when we were looking for Sidonis.”
Now it was Shepard’s turn to lean forward on the table, “Go on…”
“After you and I talked about it but before we got back in the skycar, I blame the adrenaline. I’d known Thane had started to develop feelings for you, but after that mission, I guess you could say I was marking my territory.”
“Oh my God, seriously? Marking your territory?!”
“Well, yea. He watched you walk back to the skycar, and I was watching him. When he looked back up to me, I said everything I needed to say without any words. He nodded in acknowledgement, and that was the end of it. After that, we were never unfriendly toward each other or anything. But I not so subtly told him to back off and he did,” Garrus finished matter-of-factly.
Shepard just stared for a bit, trying to hide her smile behind her hand. “I want to be mad at you, but that’s kinda hot, Vakarian,” she mused.
“For what it’s worth, I absolutely meant it when I said I was sorry for your loss. Thane truly was a good teammate, and even after I told him to back off, we still spent quite a bit of time talking about rifles and sniping – though he refused to admit his craziest sniper kill. I think we got along pretty well. And after you chose him to go with you on the last leg of the suicide mission, I knew I could trust him with your life. I really will miss having Thane out there somewhere, fighting for us in the shadows.”
“And Kaidan?” Shepard asked with an eyebrow raised.
“Him less so.”
“And why is that?” Shepard asked, bemused.
“Because he hurt you,” Garrus said, coldly.
She broke eye contact first to shake her head. “You sound like Joker,” she said looking up at Garrus.
“Joker?” Garrus questioned.
“Yea, I was just talking to him and EDI earlier after the incident. He actually stood up and saluted me, saying that someone in the galaxy should show me the respect I deserve. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Jeff salute anyone, not even Anderson.”
“You know,” she continued switching back to Kaidan, “I killed Udina mostly because I was right and knew the bastard was dirty, but partly because I didn’t think Kaidan had what it takes to pull the trigger. I think he was grateful in the heat of the moment, but then when I saw him later, he said the way things go down matter more than the outcome. Or at least that was the implication I got. And what the fuck does that even mean?”
“So when he asked me if he could join us on the Normandy, I told him no. He seemed shocked that I’d said no to him, but…” she trailed off, now her gaze locked on something in the distance. “Then he sent me this bullshit email saying that leaving the Normandy was strange because his time aboard was one of the best experiences of his life,” she huffed in response. “No matter what went down between us, he said… As if it was just one misunderstanding over something trivial. Asshole,” she added as she continued to stare off into the room.
Garrus stared at her as the room fell back to complete silence. He wanted to give her the space to gather her thoughts because he knew that relationship was something that haunted her for years.
She finally brought herself back to the present and shifted in her seat before continuing. “With Kaidan, I was sick of him questioning my every move, every decision. And I know that sounds arrogant, but I don’t care. As of recently, he actually does outrank me by Alliance measures. But nobody, and I mean nobody has the track record I do when it comes to holding this damn galaxy together.”
Shepard stood up then and began to pace behind her chair. She was getting worked up, which was good. That meant she’d hit her boiling point and couldn’t push it down anymore. He wanted nothing more than to get up and pull her to his chest, but he didn’t move a muscle. Garrus sat there giving Shepard the space she needed to finally vent. After all, she literally had the weight of an entire galaxy on her shoulders. Who could even begin to fathom what it cost to carry that burden?
“He questioned my tactics against Saren; called me a traitor on Horizon; and then accused me of working for Cerberus on Mars.” She stopped pacing and grabbed the back of the chair that she’d been sitting in. “He never had the guts to make the calls I was making, yet he always liked to make me feel like shit about my decisions. No, that’s not really true. I’m the one who let him get in my head, and…”
“Now let me stop you there. I will not sit here and let you berate yourself for using the ruthless calculus of war. We don’t have the luxury of being rational when the fate of all organics is at stake here,” Garrus interrupted. “And if you asked, I’d shoot him on sight, no hesitation.”
“Garrus,” Shepard said with a smirk, “You absolutely would not.”
“I said I’d shoot him, I didn’t say I’d kill him. Ask Harkin how that goes.”
They both got a hearty laugh out of that. Shepard was starting to look like her old self again. Color had returned to her cheeks, and the air in the room had shifted. Once they both finished laughing, Shepard walked around the table to where Garrus was sitting. He turned his chair to face her, and she sat across his lap.
“How do you do it?” she asked him, searching his face up close.
“Do what?”
“How do you always bring me back to myself?
“I make it my job to know everything there is to know about you. Your quirks, your demeanor, your tells…”
“I have an amazing poker face, I don’t have any tells!” she half yelled as she jabbed his chest plate.
“Maybe to others, but I can read you like my favorite book, Shepard,” Garrus said, as he caressed the scars on her cheek. “Even if no one else believed you, I’d still follow you into hell because I trust you.” He gently pulled her closer and kissed her cheek. “And if a few other SPECTREs need to be taken out to make a path, you just say the word.”
She took a deep breath as she leaned her forehead against his. “Garrus Vakarian, you’re incorrigible.”
“Does that mean loveable?”
Shepard threw her head back and laughed a real belly laugh. She laughed so hard she lost her balance and the only thing that kept her upright was Garrus grip on her waist. And just then, he thought of an idea.
“Hey, next time we’re on the Citadel, meet me outside the elevator near the docking bay. I’ve got something I want to show you.”
“Sure,” she replied nonchalantly as she got to her feet. “But first, you and I are going to blow off some steam,” she finished as she walked to the doors.
“On your 6,” was all he said as he fell in step right behind her.