Work Text:
Sungchan wanted to be admired.
He reflected about this multiple times during his life as a trainee. He had followed and admired people like his trainers, dance choreographers and anyone that once gave him a pat in the back and told him ‘keep going’.
Then he had figures like Jungwoo. The ‘father of all trainees’. Sungchan himself had called himself his son alongside multiple trainees. Jungwoo was an admirable person, he had guided Sungchan like a big brother and gave him comforting words.
Sungchan didn't cry when Jungwoo left to debut, but he did ponder over his own path. He made sure he would work hard enough to show his senior that he too, one day, would catch up to him and show him how much he had grown.
His dream of debuting did come at one point, the company had notified him and his fellow trainee friend–Shotaro--that they both were set to debut.
Sungchan did cry when he found out he would be in the same team as his favorite senior, Jungwoo.
When he notified his family about the news a party broke, his mom and dad hugged him hard and his siblings cheered for him and joked about “You’ll have to pay the bill whenever we go out to eat from now on”. He didn't care about material things much, for him the most important thing was making the people around him proud.
He dreamed of being loved. Loved by the world.
That same night he reflected again about his desires. He laid down in his bed thinking about what he had achieved and what he hoped he would achieve moving forward. He thought about what he would tell Jungwoo when he finally meets him and finds out about his big move.
“Hyung I did it. I’m just like you”
But, was he really like the man? Had he really been someone that led others to success? Was he an admirable figure?
Anybody could be loved if they were in front of a camera and looked good enough. He wanted that too but at the same time he wished to have helped others before that.
Sungchan sighed, closing his eyes. He prayed silently that night.
“Please give me one last chance to become just like that”
The next day Sungchan knew that the universe was really on his side.
Black, round, wandering eyes presented themselves right in front of him. The building hallways–usually cold– felt warmer at that moment when his coach presented him to the new group of trainees. The company was quick to look for new talent, especially now that he was set to debut they must have been looking for fresh faces that could compete for the next available spot.
“You guys listen to him, okay?” His coach had a strong voice and a thick country accent, those qualities were enough to get the complete attention of the boys he was talking to.
He turned to him, pointed his pencil at him wiggling it as if to give him a silent threat.
“And you treat them well. Make sure they listen to you”.
Sungchan had been standing straight with a smile on his face the whole time. He nodded quickly trying to keep a serious composure but the excitement got the best of him.
Turning toward the trainees he nodded at them too. Looking at their faces he noticed all types of emotions he knew he felt himself when he was in their spot.
Nervousness. Anxiety. An unstoppable and accelerating feeling of energy.
Then he finally saw.
One of them looked different. Not in the negative “oh he is weird” way but in the sense that his entire aura felt separated from the rest.
He had a small, doll-like face. His eyes felt warmer than the rest of the individual besides him and he felt his breath halt when they looked at his direction. Sungchan recognized the boy must be lost as he stood at the end and picked at the nails in his hand with the other.
Later on that afternoon he learned his name was Wonbin. Wonbin was a lost, young, country boy.
In that instance he knew this was his chance to finally help someone out.
The days that followed after the introduction he made sure to learn the names of all trainees and
give them all the help and advice he could supply them with. He knew how bad he felt when his trainers would pick and choose favorites, but he just couldn't hold himself back from giving extra attention to that one boy.
At first it started with him staying longer after practice to help him out. Wonbin was a hardworking person and seemed to develop his own style faster than anyone else, so he made sure he would guide him properly.
He would tell him when to take breaks. Giving him water and food when he felt the boy needed them and would guide him to continue training with him so he could go at the same pace.
Wonbin would always say things like “Thank you hyung” and would smile wide while eating the food Sungchan bought him or when the older gave him tips he knew he didn't give to the rest. Sungchan liked to call them “Their little secret”.
Nonetheless, hearing the younger one call him “hyung” was already starting to affect his heart.
…..And his ego.
After that his preference for the now labeled “pretty boy” amongst other trainees grew stronger.
Wonbin and Sungchan spent more time together during breaks and the country boy started opening up more about himself.
Sungchan made a mental note listing all the things he knew about Wonbin thus far:
- He grew up in Ulsan and all his family is from there too.
- He likes to wear black clothes the most.
- He attended an all boys high school.
- He likes gummies the most out of all snacks.
And for much of his own content. Sungchan is his favorite hyung.
He felt giddy at the thought of being THAT type of person for Wonbin. The same type of person Jungwoo was once for him.
But if he could note one big difference between Jungwoo and himself was that he went to extra lengths for Wonbin. Lengths his senior– for clear reasons–never went for him.
The few weeks they spent getting to know each other Sungchan started dropping off Wonbin at his dorm when they finished their practice. He also started indulging the younger one more and took him out to eat at hot pot restaurants. Wonbin would talk and talk for hours straight while Sungchan grilled his meat and listened attentively and paid attention to how he would respond during their conversations.
“I can help you grill if you’re tired hyung”.
Wonbin would worry from time to time if he was tiring out the older, if maybe he wasn't doing enough for him, but Sungchan would shake his head and reassure him that “I’m fine. I’m never tired when you're by my side”. Wonbin would just giggle and look down, keeping his hands to himself to prevent from getting in the way of the man and the grill.
Sunchan didn't realise how much of a deep trouble he was in when he laid in his bedroom wishing for the night to end faster so he could meet Wonbin the next day, and it definitely wasn't when their trainer would tease him to stop flirting with the younger trainee.
No.
It was when he found himself inside a mall store, debating which matching phone cases he should get for Wonbin and himself.
He ran his hands through his hair in frustration. The lady working at the store kept looking at him and he didn't know whether that was because of his looks or in desperation for him to make his decision faster. Clearly it must have been the latter as he saw her approach him with a clear ‘customer service’ smile.
“May I help you sir?” She looked up at him to check if he needed her assistance.
He really didn’t want help but he had been struggling for long enough that maybe someone else's opinion could help him.
“Ummm, I’m looking for matching phone cases”
“Oh for you and your girlfriend?”
Now that question…. he wasn't expecting. Wonbin wasn't his girlfriend for obvious gender reasons. But the mental image of pretty boy Wonbin being his “boyfriend”. That gave him a funny feeling in his throat and stomach.
Was he going too far with the gift? What if Wonbin got scared or got creeped out and stopped talking to him?
He swallowed hard and looked back at the worker.
“Well it's for a friend… but they have a different style to mine”. The lady nodded, understanding his worry. She grabbed two black phone cases that were high in the shelf in front of them and lowered them down for him to see.
“We also do costumizables, maybe that'll work? You can write a special message at the back”
She guided him to follow her to the counter and showed him her ipad.
In it were picture examples of customized cases that the store provided.
“Maybe your initials in your own case and theirs in the other might be nice” she looked up again trying to see what he thought.
“Is it too romantic though?” He asked the looming question that was eating up his mind.
“Hmmm… Maybe?” she smiled back, shrugging her shoulders.
Yeah he was screwed. He was mega screwed.
He repeated those words again when Wonbin opened his gift, his big round eyes going wide and his smile becoming big enough his teeth showed. Sungchan copied his expression, but his was more out of nervousness.
“Hyung… this is so cool” Wonbin got the case out of its box and immediately changed his old one with the new one. In it written “WONBIN” in cursive pink letters.
He showed Wonbin his own case in excitement, smiling at him with a “look at what you hyung did” look on his face. The younger smiled back and hesitated for a second before giving him a hug.
Yeah. Sungchan was megaaaaa screwed.
It felt like driving a car at maximum speed. Like falling into a deep black hole where you didn't know it’s ending. His heart beat fast to the point he couldn't control it and all the emotions made his young brain want to melt due to the intensity of it all.
But he knew it wouldn't be that way for much longer. The more time passes, the more he gets reminded by everyone around him about his big day. The day he would finally be revealed to the public and would officially retire from the name “Trainee Sungchan”.
The day he would have to prioritise himself and spend less time with Wonbin.
So far if you asked Sungchan. “Do you feel fulfilled?” he would tell you yes.
He finally felt sure enough in his skills, he led the rest of the young trainees like how he wished to and was set for his debut, but there was a lump in his throat when he remembered that small, doll-like face boy. He didn't want to admit it but Wonbin had occupied his heart and mind for the last couple of months. What he felt for him was so strong that the mere thought of only seeing the younger one once or twice a week made him feel like a strong overpowering hand was crushing his heart.
He had been doing his daily after practice walk with Wonbin when he told the boy the news about his official debut day. He knew Wonbin was smart and would catch onto it. When Sungchan had first started introducing him to the city and its complexities he noticed how fast Wonbin caught up to all the information he was thrown at and quickly memorized the street names and subway lines. The guy was hard working to the point where Sungchan felt like he would surpass him soon.
Of course when Wonbin heard about his debut he cheered for him and even threw a few jokes like “ahh hyung make sure you don't become like those snobby celebrities”. Like how he mentioned before, Sungchan knew that the country boy had already anticipated for his debut to come soon.
What Sungchan didn't know was how much that would affect him.
Walking down the dark street, with the street lamps lighting up their path. He heard their footsteps, crushing the leaves underneath them. He was walking ahead with his head looking down at his shoes, and then at one point he noticed he could only hear his own steps.
Taking a halt in his walk he turned around to check on the younger. He saw him standing, not moving and looking down.
“Hey are you okay?” Sungchan called out to him in worry, approaching him slowly until he was in front of him. Wonbin sniffed trying to turn around before the older could see his face but Sungchan had already reached out to grab his shoulders.
Worried over the sound he made, he leaned his body down to see his face and melted at the sight of him crying. “Oh no. Why are you crying?” he asked softly, trying not to scare him.
His throat felt heavy. Tears threatened to come but he knew he couldn't cry. At least not in front of Wonbin.
“It’s… it’s really nothing” he turned his face away from sungchan.
“Well you’re crying so it really must be something that's affecting you”
He grabbed his chin, softly guiding Wonbin to look at him.
“Hyung… I just” he bit his lip trying to prevent a sob from coming out. “I just don’t want you to leave me”. His voice sounded weak with the last few words coming out in a sad whine.
That was the last drop in Sungchan’s already overfilled cup called “emotions”. His eyes went soft at what he heard and shook his head. “Wonbin, your hyung is not going anywhere. I’ll always be by your side”.
Whether his promise was true…. That he didn't know, but in that moment, reassuring Wonbin once again was his priority. He saw how the younger one nodded at his words and took deep breaths to calm himself down.
Sungchan swallowed hard, sometimes when he spoke to Wonbin he felt like his words of assurance were more for himself than for the shorter one. He didn't like showing much weakness but with Wonbin he did and the constant affirmations were for both his heart and mind to keep focus.
He wrapped him in a hug, cradling his head with one of his hands. He stroked the soft grown hair and that seemed calm to both of them. At least for what rested of the night they would spend it in each other's embrace.
Only the universe knows what happens tomorrow. For now Sungchan won’t think about the future, he will live in this moment for as long as it lasts.