Chapter Text
He dropped the shield again. Tony had been bitching about how it was his, it belonged to him and then there he dropped it and walked away. Supporting Bucky's flesh arm, as the metal one had been unceremoniously shot off with Tony's Iron Man tech.
"You dropped the shield." Was the first thing he said. It was all he really cared about in the moment. Steve was the second thing on his list. Somewhere in Bucky's past that shield had saved his life more times than not. Even if he still wasn't that person anymore. Steve was safe and next to the shield that was the true thing that mattered. The last time Steve had dropped the damn thing Bucky had nearly killed him. And now Steve was walking away from what was precious to him, what had become an iconic part of who he was, of Captain America.
"Doesn't matter Bucky, not if I got you back." They were walking back to the Quin-jet, ready to get the hell out of here and never look back. Steve was a wanted man all because of him and that meant they would have to lay low for a while. It still shocked him that he meant that much to Steve enough that Steve would have laid down his life and left it in Buckys had. Let the Winter Solider beat him to death as long as it meant that he would die by what had once been his best friend's hands. Freak, a small voice in the back of Bucky's head whispered.
He knew he wasn't worth this, he had said it once and already felt like saying it again. I am not worth your friends prison sentences or possible deaths. I am not worth you giving up your title to be a wanted man, I am worth no more than the dirt on the bottom of your boots, and I'd let you walk all over me. Steve paused and because Bucky was all limp weight and Steve was steady and solid even now after Tony had beat the shit out of him. Only meant whatever stuff they put into Steve was better than the stuff Hydra forced down him.
Before Bucky could blink Steve had his hands on Bucky's chin, both hands. Hard and steady. As gently as he could, Steve pressed his lips to Bucky's cheek. Soft and delicate. He was so close Bucky could smell all of him, cologne he had put on sometime, in between fights maybe when Bucky wasn't looking. Blood too, he was familiar of that smell. The suit Steve wore smelled like military grade, he didn't know how to place it, just felt familiar. Maybe if they turned around there would be gunpowder and a war to fight. The kiss was short, barely a thing really.
It didn't matter, because family members kissed on the cheek to say hello or goodbye, so did politicians. Friends did too. Friends kissed cheeks and hugged and pressed their foreheads together, as Steve was doing now. Bucky didn't know what would be coming next. They should be getting the hell out of here instead Steve was too close, and touching him in a way he didn't know how to reciprocate. Hydra hadn't be gentle or loving. What was he to do?
"Oh." He let out, not really deciding to say it it simply came out. He thought about adding What the hell are you doing?
"Sorry." Steve looked down, it was clear that he was blushing and far too shy to be brave and look him in the eyes. And Steve had misunderstood because Bucky had in fact liked whatever affection Steve was giving just didn't know how the hell to act about it.
"I didn't know we were like that." Had they? Back at the beginning of time? Did they sleep in each other's clothes? He remembered a bit. Early childhood days of taking off the couch cushions at his parents' place and sleeping on the floor while telling off his younger sisters. Wrestling as young boys and finding Steve beat up more times than not. A bit later on, going out with girls on double dates they wanted nothing to do with. So maybe it had been like that once upon a time, back when the war stories were written.
Had there been stolen kisses in alleys and were they roommates? Did they have one big bed and the cover story was to save money. Had they slid into other territory. Bucky faintly remembered kissing a lady with black hair and red lipstick in an uniform while Steve watched, but he couldn't remember any moment where he kissed Steve, and that was the problem because he wanted to remember, wanted to know every scandalous little detail.
Steve looked up and ran his hand through his hair, "We weren't, not really at least I don't think so. Maybe a bit." Wow that really answered Bucky's question. "I mean maybe we were, to be honest Buck the memories are still mostly gone on my end."
"Mine too." Bucky answered, "I guess it still feels like its only been a few years since I lost you, and there was so many fights in between and plenty of things to take my mind off of but I've been grieving you the entire time.
"I'm not sure I'm the same man you knew Steve."
"I can live with that." And Steve's hand went back around Bucky's shoulder. They continued walking.
"So…you kiss all of your friends?" Just a joke, just breaking the ice. Maybe trying to feel like a real person again too.
"Only the pretty ones." Steve answered, that meant there had been others he had kissed or was it just a joke? Bucky couldn't tell.
"You got a plan in that big head of yours or are we just going to run endlessly around the world until we get caught?"
Steve shrugged while remaining his arm around Bucky, "How does Brooklyn sound?"
"Isn't that the obvious place to go, wouldn't they be all over us there."
"Maybe, but hiding in plain sight always works, I learned it from a friend. Besides we could fall back into our old routines work normal jobs. Maybe I paint on the side, maybe we get you a normal prosthetic. Break out Sam and the others, find Nat."
Bucky thought about it, it was nice, easy, it would be domestic. They'd have all the time int he world and nobody giving them orders, just freedom and a quiet life. It sounded nice, really nice.
There was a movement in the snow, the quiet crunch that came from a footstep. It was close to silent but for two super solders with advanced hearing both of them stopped. What was this? Tony? Again? Who else was here?
A body moved from behind a tree, it was Prince T'challa, he had on his suit with the mask off. Holding it in his hand. The claws were retracted so it appeared he wasn't looking for trouble, hopefully. "I hope you don't mind my eavesdropping." Bucky spotted his stance making sure he wouldn't decide to pounce, he appeared carefully. Bucky had been in the business long enough to know that everyone wanted something, especially a prince who would soon be king, who thought he had murdered his father.
"I hope you don't mind my eavesdropping, I come in peace." T'challa lifted both hands over his head.
"Can we ask what you want." Steve asked.
"I was just wondering, seeing now that you two are wanted men I assume you would like a safe haven. So I am offering you a place at my home in Wakanda. You will be protected there I can assure you. And for your wounds, we have excellent doctors."
"Just like that? You tried to kill me a few hours ago."
"I know now that you did not kill my father, so I have nothing to blame you for. you will be safe in my country."
Both of them paused once again, standing in the snow, the chill didn't bother either of them. Bucky turned to Steve and gave him a look that seemed to ask Well can we trust him?" And Steve nodded.
"We would be honored your majesty, the fact that you're even offering means a lot. Thank you."
"You may board your jet, I will send you the coordinates. And please my friends, you are always welcome."
T'challa walked off and the two of them hobbled up the ramp to the jet. As he had told them, the coordinates had been sent through a secured channel to their jet Steve wasted no time making that their next destination.
"So what happened to stranger danger?" Bucky asked.
"Haven't you heard buck, Captain America is a wanted criminal strangers who are offering a safe haven make them friends."
"Sounds like the Steve I know," Or knew. His life wasn't his. His memory's was that of someone else. Even in his calmest moments a voice he recognized as his own got into his head and whispered kill. The questioned lingered, do you really know someone you once knew but now they're nothing but a shell. His body was the same but his brain had been taken out and stomped on, he'd read somewhere that plums were good for recovering memories but he had no clue how honest sources were now a days or who the hell to trust.
Steve shot back while getting the bird in the air, "Oh using our full names, who's the stranger now?"
"Don't worry just trying things out. Doesn't sound right."
Steve laughed which Bucky found to be comforting and resurgent in a way he wasn't sure he had felt. "You know James," Steve tried returning the favor, "You can sit in the passenger seat. It wont kill you to."
His many years with Hydra left him riding many private planes or jets, even helicopters. Every given time unless he was the only rider somebody else was driving him for obvious reasons, leave him awake too long and he might start getting ideas . Give him the controls and he might crash the thing into the mission's hotel and kill both the mission and his captors. The Winter Soldier had never been trusted.
Hydra had never thought of him as a person he was more a walking Frankenstein's monster of flesh and muscle ready to kill, ready to comply. He was used to taking orders even now even with his supposed freedom at least as long as Steve was there he was certain that he wouldn't want to control him the same way Hydra had.
Still, Steve's tone indicated that he obviously would have preferred Bucky to sit beside him in the passenger seat, it wasn't an order, it could have been read as kindness between friends. It probably was meant to be read that way. But if Steve wanted Bucky to sit next to him he would. Complying was easy. Some part of him knew he would never stop fighting. Even if Steve and T'challa were true to their words. Freedom would become a far memory once they remembered they could control him once he lashed out. Orders were easy, so he sat next to his so called best friend who he had probably been inside once upon a time. And kept his face shut, kept his eyes watching all the time.
He had access to the controls but didn't dare touch because he would have screwed their flight up and Steve might get mad. Steve had been so content this whole time. Maybe if he was good he would get more affection from him later.
That's why he was quiet most of the way and Steve was kind, didn't push. He did however get something out of the fridge connected to he jet and handed it to Bucky when they had an hour left of their flight. It was morning and he hadn't slept. Steve refused to let the thing go on autopilot saying it might be intercepted.
It was yogurt and Bucky devoured it. They needed a clearance code to get into Wakanda, the barrier broke quickly above where the jet was, it turned out to be mesmerizing that a barrier could conceal not just a city but an entire country.
T'challa met them at their landing pad, having changed into a very nice looking versatile suit. "My Friends," He said with open arms, it is my honor to welcome you to my country, I have doctors ready on your floor if you would like. Any amenities that you will be needing I can get it to you no questions asked. My sister will be available to you in her lab if you need her for something scientific.
"Your sister?" Steve asked. "Yes, Shuri she is sixteen but a scientific wiz and if you need something made shes the one to ask."
"I can't thank you enough for this T'challa we both really appreciate that you would be kind enough to offer your resources." Then Steve opened his arms and hugged him, very Steve Rogers, Bucky thought.
T'challa escorted them personally to their spacious two bedroom suite, there was a team of medical professionals was in their living room, their narrowed living room.
A solider didn't have anything of his own, Bucky knew that. They had taken his apartment and his sense of self all in a day. They had put him in a cage and they could easily do it again.
Steve and him sat opposite from each other on the couch, and while their cells had reared most of the damage already, Buckys bones were already reworking themselves which shocked the nurse who's name was Taylor. They started by cleaning their visible cuts. Bucky was used to this, hands on him too many to count. Poking and prodding shoving and pulling. These men and women were gentle, there was two people working on him and two for Steve. Once they ran their tests and found they were safe to exist without being further hospitalized they gave both the men the all clear and were on their way.
Bucky looked across the room in Steve direction. He had a butterfly bandage on his forehead keeping a sizable cut together. Gauze and bandages on the rest of his face. Bucky had two black eyes that were quickly healing.
It felt familiar.
There was a faint glimmer of a time before. A kitchen sink with someones skinny legs dangling over the side of the counter. Bucky's hand on a Grey washcloth cleaning from a much younger and skinnier Steve's face. He wouldn't have dared to use his mothers pretty white clothes with embroidered flowers on the edge. The Grey one might be rougher on the skin but Steve could take it. Little Punk he was.
And with every movement of the towel Bucky made across Steve's face, Steve jerked.
"Stop moving or I will rip your arm out of it's socket." A young Bucky threatened.
Steve was sat on Bucky's counter in his family's apartment. He had two black eyes, a massive cut on his forehead and a split lip and still he was swearing up and down that he, was fine and you don't gotta baby me buck.
"You're so mean to me, all of the time. What I did was heroic and you know it."
"What you did was stupid." he pressed harder and Steve made an audible gasp.
"That asshole was harassing that poor lady you heard him!" Bucky had heard. The guy was in face being a very big asshole, but if he had gone after the people who made every misogynistic or racist joke in New York he would be dead.
Steve didn't have that kind of pull back he was always running, always fighting or rushing his artwork. Bucky pulled out the roll of bandages he would be using. "You ever gonna let the last cuts heal before you replace them with new ones?"
Steve laughed, "Where's the fun in that." Bucky gave him a look, "Both your eyes are black Steve, dark as all hell," Bucky moved one of his hands to Steve's chin to steady him. "At least you got a pretty face Stevie, even with all these cuts you still shine through. Guess it makes you look like a war hero is all."
Steve scoffed, "Glad you can stand me Buck, nobody else can." Bucky had finished with the bandages and placed his forehead to Steve's. He might have wanted to do a bit more, not that he had the confidence to. Not with the kitchen window looking straight out to the street. And his kid sisters in the apartment somewhere.
"Dunno Stevie I think you'll find a girl."
The doctor's had gone. Steve moved to sit next to him and their elbows touched. "Do you want dinner? Pretty sure we could order room service?"
Bucky turned to face him, Steve had his cheek pressed against the back of the couch and his eyes were staring right into Bucky's. They were so close, Bucky hadn't even heard him get up, "I'm really not hungry."
The remaining metal on his left shoulder had been cleaned up and now all that remained was the base. Hydra had screwed into his flesh he remembered it like it was yesterday.
He could remember the snow, cold. He must have fallen he thought. Because his head ached and it was almost certain that he had a concussion. When he came to it was cold, freezing there was snow in between the buttons of his coat. With his right arm he felt around, snow crunched under his fingers he couldn't feel his left arm, in fact when he turned to look there was only a pile of blood. Great, he would bleed out then. He couldn't feel his left arm that the idea that it was gone freaked him out. He liked all his limbs intact, thank you.
He remembered the train, why he was there he had no clue. He remembered Steve had been there. Warm and solid as he always had been. As he always would be.
They were on a mission. He couldn't remember why. He was a Soldier, he had a family and a name, right a name. He remembered Steve, Steve Grant Rogers.
Steve called him Bucky once when they were three and it seemed to stick, their parents knew each other they were a year apart. When he graduated he got a job at the docks and a crappy apartment, Steve moved in when he turned eighteen.
His name was James Buchanan Barnes, that was his full name he remembered now. James, James Barnes. His birthday was…
He and Steve were going to grow old, he remembered now. Steve was going to marry Peggy get a place in the suburbs, Bucky would be the uncle, the third wheel, the lover on the side. Peggy didn't mind about him and Steve, she was great that way. They kissed a lot, Bucky thought as his hand felt the blood pooling from his left arm. Or what remained of it. Maybe he would get to go home.
Going home meant he couldn't kiss Steve anymore. He remembered, they had kissed just this morning right after breakfast when nobody was looking and they were in love.
Peggy was in love with Steve, Bucky could see it in her eyes but he knew that Steve only really loved him, because he said it. Because after every fight Bucky patched him up and kissed his wounds. Even now after a battle when the pretty nurses tended to him and blinked their eyes for Captain America, those eyes were only for Bucky.
And that was a good thing to live for. Just when he thought he couldn't wait here any longer on this patch of ground, bleeding out. He heard boots in the snow. The soft crunch crunch crunch.
"Steve." He whispered. For Steve had come to save him once, he would save him again. Steve would save him until Bucky got tired of being the damsel in distress.
It wasn't Steve, in fact the man who crouched over him spoke German and there on his shoulder was a Hydra. He remembered what they had done to him. The agony they caused back in the prison Steve had found him in. He couldn't go back, not with how good things had gotten.
He was terrified. But Steve would come for him, Steve would always.
His name was James Buchanan Barnes his birthday was March tenth. He would make it out of here, he was strong and brave. Everybody including Hydra knew that nothing stopped Captain America. He'd kill everyone that dare stand in the way of his love, his darling.
As the days went on however, Steve didn't come for him. Bucky's screams stopped being of Steve's name and turned into pure agony, every time they put the needles in him. The last time he said his name a Hydra scientist told him he was dead.
They were lying he had thought, or maybe they weren't. Captain America didn't go down without a fight. He would never know which sentences were truth and which were lies. Even worse was the more they turned him into the Winter Soldier the more he started believing in them.
He remembered the day they put the arm in, he might always remember the painful feeling. They kept telling him that his arm was decayed. So they took the rest of his arm off with a saw, they must have enjoyed his screams for nothing was simple or painless with Hydra. Then came the part they screwed into his bone, it took hours the entire process.
Dinner came and went. "Which room would you prefer?" Steve asked him all kindly, like it mattered.
"Which one do you want?"
Steve shrugged, "Which one do you want?"
"No, no I am not doing this thing with you." Bucky looked briefly at the two doors, one was closer to the front door. He might as well take that one as long as an intruder decided to break in he could be closer to the danger, better to protect Steve that way.
"Guess I'll go with that one."
"Do you need anything, are your joints still aching?"
"Huh?"
"From the fight, are you sore? we could take an ice bath."
Bucky had never had an ice bath, not that he could remember of course there was so much mystery. "Guess so, I'm used to the cold."
"You're making jokes again, that's good." He likes when I make jokes, Bucky wrote down in the corner of his mind somewhere.
Turns out an ice bath consists of bags of ice and you're supposed to lay in it. Apparently athletes do this. Fighters too he assumed. Steve had to call the number T'challa wrote down for them and ask for bags of ice. "Large bags." Steve had to clarify. Ten minutes later and five giant bags of ice cubes were brought up to their suite. Steve brought them into his on-suite bathroom in his bedroom. Bucky followed.
Steve ripped each bag and emptied it into the large oval bathtub. "I'll be honest Sam taught me this, I looked at him like he was crazy."
Right Sam, Bucky thought, Sam, Nat, Clint, Wanda, Sharon, Scott, Steve's friends.
Sam, Nat, Clint, Wanda, Sharon, Scott. Sam, Nat, Clint, Wanda, Sharon, Scott.
That was something good to remember too. "It feels really good on your joints. You gotta trust me though." Bucky smirked, "I do trust you."
Steve got into the tub with his clothes on, Bucky followed. The tub was small for the both of them. So they both laid on their side. Steve smiled. Bucky returned the smile.
"How does it feel?" Steve asked. "Like Home."
He slept on the floor, no surprise there. The bed they gave him was far too soft than the mattress he was used to, and the bedding was not as stiff as his sleeping bag. So the floor worked.
The scary thing was there was clean clothes that were his size in the closet. So he dressed, brushed his teeth with the toothbrush in the bathroom and went out to the living area where Steve was standing at the Stove cooking, in a white hanes tank top.
It was dangerous how attractive he look just like that, not trying to do anything just being Steve, Bucky knew if he wanted to he could walk over and, lean up a bit and kiss him. Bucky knew however that he wasn't ready for all of that.
"Are you hungry?"
"Yeah, I can eat." Steve was making eggs. There was a pack of bacon on the counter that he had yet to cook up. Made Bucky wonder who else he had done this for. Which one of his friends? Had there been a lover in the time he was gone that Steve woke up early for and cooked just like this.
"You know Stevie I remember you being a shitty cook where did this come from?"
"Been living on my own figured it was a good excuse to start cooking." Oh, so maybe no lover then, good. "If it's bad though there's a cafe not to far from here, we could eat there. Besides there are some things I want to get done today.
"Already got plans?"
"I sent Tony a letter a few hours ago. The next thing I got to do is figure out where they're holding them.
"Your friends then? Seemed like they were content with going away." It was maybe harsh but he thought back to what Sam had said.
"Still they don't deserve to rot there."
"You don't have one un-heroic bone in your body do you?"
The eggs were starting to Burn and upon opening the package of bacon Steve saw that it was covered in freezer burn. "Maybe we should go to that Cafe after all."
It was a mile walk to the place Steve wanted to go, they ordered drinks and each a breakfast sandwich. It was on their tab which just meant that T'challa was paying for whatever they wanted. Not like it mattered, he was richer than Tony.
"So this letter to Tony?" Bucky Started.
"An apology about everything, also gave him a way to contact me, just in case." In case of what? Bucky thought. In case he wanted to go another round?
Steve was kind like that it seemed. He had always had a heart. "Would you go with me to retrieve them?"
"What?"
"From prison or wherever they're being held I just think I could use the help and cover. If you're up for it."
Bucky thought about it because it was true he had in fact always been on Steve's side helping him fight through whatever it was, grief or war, against the other half of the Avengers. Usually he would be up for it.
Steve continued. "Shuri offered to make you a new arm out of vibranium if you wanted that."
What the hell was Steve saying, "If I wanted that?"
"If you wanted to go with me to break them out and everything, retrieve Sam and bring him here, get Clint back to his family on the farm. Along with the others.
"I'm done Steve, at least for now, it's too soon to get the arm again. And with that stuff still in my head I'm dangerous."
He was dangerous with Hydra too, they took precautions, a gun on the table when he sat with his Handler. Just in case he got too rowdy and they had to kill him.
"Okay Buck, I don't mean to press. We'll take this at your pace." Steve assured.
Bucky had a knife in his pocket, he took it out unsheathed it and placed it on the table between their coffees.
"What the hell is that?" Steve was shocked.
"Precautionary."