Work Text:
The camping trip is an unexpected surprise, courtesy of Bronco. Simeon had been hesitant to go along with it, but he’s never had the chance to go on vacation before. And, although he hates to admit it, he's curious about what Bronco has in store. ...Besides, Bronco will be gone soon. This is the final chance to experience a trip with him. His life is hanging by a thread as Simeon’s plan slowly clicks together in his mind.
They’ve found a pleasant spot to camp for the night, and snow crested mountains surround them on all sides. Apparently, there’s a temple for spirit mediums nearby, but it’s something that doesn’t hold much interest to Simeon. Kanis had tried to teach him the art of mediation many times, but his mind had been too restless. His thoughts have always been a tangled, conflicting mess.
As night falls he watches Bronco inexpertly try to light their campfire, and the blonde curses up a storm with each unsuccessful attempt. Finally, Simeon nudges him aside. Fire starting is a skill he learned long ago, and it doesn’t take long for him to ignite the flames.
"Thanks, Si!"
"Someone had to do it. There's no way I'm letting myself freeze to death," Simeon shrugs nonchalantly as if anguish doesn't lurk behind his words.
Bronco cooks some sausages over the fire, before passing Simeon one wrapped in a soft bun. It’s a simple meal, but it tastes delicious. They chat for a while, but a question lurks in Simeon’s mind.
“...Why did you bring me here?” he asks. The fire wavers, and it reminds of the ones he used to huddle next to while he was living on the streets.
“You ask that like I’ve got an ulterior motive.”
“Have you?” Simeon asks. Bronco lets out a snort of disbelief.
“No! I just figured you could use a break. You always seem to be worried about something. Maybe I can’t change what you’ve been through, but we can make some new memories to drown it out.”
How naive. There’s no drowning out the past, Bronco’s sins are insurmountable. Maybe that’s why Bronco’s always being so kind, he’s trying to escape the guilt of his own crimes.
“...Simeon?” Bronco asks.
“What?”
“You went a bit quiet, that's all. I figured I’d check on you.”
“Always checking on me. Always fussing over me…” Simeon murmurs. If there’s one good thing about Bronco, it’s that the other man doesn’t recoil from his true self. Instead, it seems to draw him closer. Of course, Bronco doesn’t know everything about him. He has no idea about the disdain in Simeon’s heart, or the pain of eighteen years ago. And he's completely oblivious to the danger Simeon faces.
“Well, yeah. That’s what friends do,” Bronco replies. Simeon bites his own lip. He wishes he could inflict that sharp, jabbing pain upon Bronco. A kiss marked with venom. The bodyguard obliviously leans back to look at the stars and, a few minutes later, he begins to idly point out different constellations.
“I’ve been wondering, where did this sudden interest in astrology come from?” Simeon asks. Bronco hardly seems like the type to care about such things.
“I just thought I’d learn something new,” Bronco shrugs. He glances down towards the ring on his finger, a somewhat new addition to his wardrobe. Simeon hates it. Bronco has worn it almost continuously over the last two months, and there’s got to be some kind of meaning to it. But whenever he asks, Bronco dodges the question.
He detests not knowing something about him. What right does Bronco have to keep secrets? Admittedly, he has plenty of his own, but his are justified.
“We should come up with a constellation for you,” Bronco says, interrupting his thoughts. “There’s a couple of horses, but there’s not a monkey to be seen.”
“Why be a cluster of stars when I could be the sun or the moon?” He’s a raging inferno about to go supernova, combined with a subtle shadow that's ready to fade away. "Anyway, enough stargazing. What’s the plan for the week?
“There’s an animal sanctuary we can check out. It’s not my scene, but I reckon you’d love it. Aside from that? Just getting in touch with nature, I guess," Bronco says. They had a glimpse of the earlier when Bronco had stopped the car by a sunlit lake. It had taken some coaxing, but eventually he convinced Simeon to step into the cool waters. It wasn’t just the cold that made him hesitate, he never had a chance to learn how to swim. But Bronco had tried to ease him into it, and he still remembers the sensation of closeness as Bronco helped him lean back and float upon the water.
…Maybe there’s some things he’s going to miss. Bronco’s kind to him. It must be a guilty conscience at work, or desperation as he clings to the only friend he ever had. His compassion makes the past sting even more.
They discuss their plans a little more, before retreating to their tent as a cold mist rolls in from the mountains. Bronco had purchased them separate sleeping bags, but the thought of sleeping close to another person is incredibly intimidating. It would be so easy for Bronco to grab Simeon’s pillow and suffocate him with it.
Would he do that, if he knew the fate that lay in store?
Simeon lets his mind drift as he waits for sleep to take him. A fox howls as the wind rustles through the trees. And an idle fantasy fills his mind, a desire to flee into the wilderness and start a new life. Perhaps then he’d be safe from his enemies.
But it’s just a fantasy. Beside him he hears Bronco’s breath slow to a steady rhythm, and indignation stirs at the prospect of him having an easy night. Simeon rolls over and bundles the blanket up around him. At least he’s safe, he supposes. And warm, too. Bronco had made sure to pack extra blankets.
Sleep finally draws him in.
He dreams of death. Bronco collapses in front of him, and at first there’s giddy euphoria. But then the other man looks at him, and something stirs. A feeling he suppresses, even in his restless dreams. The scene warps, and he sees him die again. And again. And again. He can’t shake away the image of each corpse as they pile up around him…
Simeon wakes up, his body shaking. He ignores the pain in his chest. He should be grateful towards his dream, a vision of suffering upon the man who ruined his life.
He irritably rearranges his pillow and closes his eyes once more. Eventually, his subconscious takes another sinister twist as sleep encroaches. He’s being hunted down yet again. It’s a far more familiar nightmare, one that he’s suffered so many times. It intensifies, dragging him down dark twists and turns. Finally, the dream reaches a dreadful crescendo, and Simeon wakes up with a yell.
He’s shaking. His own death had been imminent. The interrogations from his childhood cry out, demanding he face them once more. But he can’t. He won’t. He can’t control his breathing…
They’re going to find him. They’re going to kill him.
He runs his hands through his hair and wrenches at it. Tears sting the corner's of his eyes, and be begs them to disappear.
“Simeon!” He'd been so caught up in his storm of emotions that he had barely registered Bronco waking up beside. Simeon stares at him with wild eyes as Bronco gently takes his hands, before carefully disentangling them from his hair. “C’mon, don’t hurt yourself.”
Simeon shakes his head. The words won’t come out. It’s not the first time Bronco’s seen him having a panic attack, he’s slept on the other man’s sofa and awoken him up with his screams many times.
“Easy now. Deep breaths, yeah?” Bronco sounds heartbroken. It isn’t fair. If things had been different, maybe…
…Maybe…
It isn’t fair.
“I just want it to be over!” Simeon manages to say. It’s not just Bronco, it’s everything. The pain, the fear, the confusion. “I need it to be over. All of it!”
“It will be. You’ll get through it, Simeon.”
He’s comforting him over the prospect of his own death. It’s far too much. Hysteria beckons, and Simeon laughs even as he lets out a deranged sob. Bronco continues to gently caress his hands as he runs his thumbs across the skin. Perhaps he doesn’t want Simeon to feel confined by hugging him, and the simple touch is all they have. He grips down upon Bronco's hands, knowing that his nails are digging in. If they were claws, they would’ve broken skin.
Bronco’s breath hitches, just for a second. But he doesn’t resist. Instead, his steel grey eyes watch as Simeon lets out each tangled laugh and gut wrenching sob. There's so much pity and devotion in Bronco’s gaze. And that shouldn’t be there, not in the light of what will come to pass between them.
Slowly, Simeon’s emotions begin to ease. His breathing is still uneven, but it’s manageable. He lessens his grip upon Bronco’s hands and gives him a little nod.
“...I’ll be okay.”
“You will. And I’ll be with you, every step of the way.”
His words are a knife, a promise of an impossible reality. Why is he the one person Bronco tries to console? He's always so earnest about it, too. His compassion conjures up images of another life, free from snow and ice.
'Please. Let me be free.' A thought best left unsaid, because there's only one way through the darkness.