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Vadric looked at himself through the bathroom mirror, seeing every line etched into his face more prominent than ever. It was quiet, in there. Like the quiet of his flyer before it malfunctioned. Unlike the constant chatter of Croft or soft shifting of fabric as Melari changed her stance, or folded her arms in disapproval, or a little scoff leaving her. Unlike Elizabeth's excited shouting or the solid warmth of Cass’ words that she seemed to not know she gave.
Vadric looked in the mirror.
His expression steeled as though he was facing his subordinates or one of the opportunistic pests that roamed his lover's court. He studied himself, checking that his hair was kempt and clothes as neat and clean as their situation allowed for. There was a stray strand of hair on his shirt. He grabbed it and flicked it off, and brushed some dust off his pant leg. He prolonged his solitude further, looking helplessly at the bloodstain on the cuff of his sleeve and wondering if trying to wash it out would simply spread the blood around.
He’ll have to see to his new allies’ necessities soon, they all had rooms to stay in, but the Mentor had yet to fully tend to the other facilities in this building that were used throughout daily life. There was also the matter of food- Mentor cultivated a small farm in anticipation for others one day arriving at her home, but it would need further attention if they wanted the food source to continue being sufficient.
And then there was the matter of hunting. And medicine. One of the Advari who'd come with them knew basic healing knowledge. She could supplement her current experience with the endless halls of books that the Mentor had, but that could only take them so far. Mentor said she had some practice processing different resources into commonly used medications and Vadric trusted her sense of what they might need but he would still discuss it with the both of them and…
And he will have to make plans on what to do next, once their refugee's living situation was stable. They were going to look to him for leadership. For decisions. It was not something he'd never done. He's led members of the Ventris Ardenti many times before. He could do this.
He could handle this.
He's handled everything up until now.
He just wasn't sure what their next move would be, now that… that-
His thoughts stalled. The silence of the small room had become deafening in his mind's absence and it slammed into him.
He choked as it set in. He had refused to even entertain the possibility when he was taken prisoner. Now it was his reality. He may never see his love again, or worse.
He may see her again, but as an enemy.
She tried to have him killed.
Sacrificed.
Empress Valendra’s voice speaking to the sacrifices lined up for slaughter rang through his head, her beautiful, powerful words of reassurance that the people- their people would find peace in the pointless murder.
A single wheeze left him as he crumpled.
The next thing he saw were Lirune’s legs, from the floor. He was leaning against the bathing room vanity in a heap. He heard something loud, but muffled, and he was being shaken.
Then he saw Lirune’s face, stricken with worry.
It took a few tries to figure out what she was saying, to sort through the murk and process. It felt almost like an explosion had gone off and addled his senses.
“Vadric? Just- try to breathe, okay?”
Breathe? Of course he was breathing. Inquisitor Castian Vadric was capable of basic life functions.
Except that Vadric could, in fact, not do that. He couldn't take more than a small, weak puff of air in with each breath and it left him as a horrible wheeze. He couldn't feel anything but the gripping icy cold in his chest that refused any mercy to his tired body.
“Mentor, help! It’s Vadric!”
There was a scuffling noise, and the Mentor nearly slid past the door in her rush.
She grabbed the frame of the door to stop herself from toppling over. “What happened, what’s…?”
“Oh. Oh dear…” the Mentor said when she saw the wheezing mess of her champion on the floor. “I believe I know what is happening. Calm yourself, Lirune, he is not in any peril. In fact, it would help his own affliction for you to be calm.”
Lirune glared at her. “What- but something is wrong! He looks like he’s dying-”
“Something is wrong, yes, but Faithless will be okay. Calm yourself. ” Mentor knelt down in front of the two ex-inquisitors. “His mind is in a state of severe distress.”
She carefully gathered Vadric from Lirune’s arms. “Could we have a moment alone, Lirune?”
Lirune hesitated, before nodding and leaving the room.
His Mentor tightened her arms around him, and he felt more than he heard a soft rumbling coming from her chest, where she laid his head. She breathed deeply and slowly for him.
Instinctively, he tried to match her breathing and could not do so at first. He'd fight to take a longer breath and then find himself unable to breath at all, black spots forming in his vision. But after a few tries while immersed in her warmth and the odd yet soothing rumbling, he managed to inhale without immediately wheezing, and the panicked breathing slowly petered out to labored and tired.
He stared at a small crack in the wall, thoughts leaking out of his head like water. “You’re… purring.”
“Mhmm.”
“We’re not supposed to purr.”
“Says who?”
“The Faith… It is childish.”
“And they can’t reach us here, in our ancestral lands. Purr as much as you like, Faithless.” She stroked his hair. “You’re safe right now, I promise.”
Once his Mentor seemed satisfied with his state, she asked gently, “What was this about?”
“…”
He opened his mouth, to say something, but he wasn’t sure what. He was merely ruminating on things before he collapsed. About Valendra.
Just thinking about Valendra again caused another fit and he gasped, grabbing onto his Mentor’s arm in what was no doubt a painful grip, but she didn't complain.
“It’s alright, you can let it out,” she said.
“V-valendra- I cannot raise my sword to her-” He knew even as he spoke the words that it was not true. He would, if he had to. If it meant protecting everyone. He loved her so dearly, but he couldn't abide what she was doing.
She didn't respond, electing to just hold him.
“I don’t want to hurt her,” he whispered, “... but I will have to.”
Who would he be, if he let her continue the slaughter of their people? Who could he be after losing Valendra?
“And, it is hurting you to accept that,” she murmured.
He pushed his face against her and she stroked his hair. “You do not have to face this alone, Faithless. I am here.”
Before he met the humans, he would have never have accepted such intimate and placating gestures, the risk of closeness being too great in his position, but a part of him softened at the realization that he no longer needed to protect himself that way.
Vadric weakly lifted his arms to hug her back, only half succeeding when his eyes began to burn with tears. He let them fall, but pushed back the rising sense of grief. Valendra was… she was out of his reach, but he wouldn't grieve something that hadn't happened yet. He might have to fight her, might have to kill her one day, but he wasn't going to lose hope that they might be able to see each other again as allies one day.
He stayed in her arms like that for a time, how long he was not sure. Once he felt he could face the others, he spoke softly, “I am alright now. I- thank you, Mentor. I do not know what came over me.”
“Distress can do strange things to a person,” she said. “I am glad to help, Faithless.”
She loosened her hold on him, helping him to sit up, and he tried to get on his knees to stand- and found that he couldn't. His limbs felt so heavy.
Vadric realized, after he struggled to push off of his Mentor, that he was too exhausted to stand somehow.
The Mentor seemed to notice his failure to control his limbs, and called for Lirune. “Carry him to the bedroom next to mine in the main living quarters, please. He'll be better once he has some rest.”
“Yes, Mentor,” Lirune agreed.
When Vadric opened his mouth to protest, the Mentor said, “I believe we can handle things for the brief time you'll be asleep, Faithless.”
As Lirune tucked an arm under his legs and guided him to hold onto her, he had a second revelation as to exactly how bone-deep his exhaustion was, head spinning and unfocused.
The last thing he remembered after he woke up was his Mentor’s gentle reassurance that they had each other now.