Chapter Text
The day of the accident was just another day for the hardworking Yozoruya Odd Jobs. They were conducting their usual activity of… lazing around, except this time it was a little different. Their rent was due in a week, but the trio had gone into a silent agreement to accept the fact that they would be late with the payment again. No matter how many cats they rescued from trees, the amount of yen they would be able to conjure up would fall short. This humble abode was their paradise for the time being, a paradise where they could forget about their financial difficulties and carry on with their status quo.
The status quo being Kagura and Gintoki staying in the same spot for a concerningly long time, while Shinpachi made himself busy by idly cleaning. Yes, indeed, this was their paradise where they could live out their comedy routine filled with light banter while ignoring the looming threat hanging above their heads, or more appropriately, down below in the snack bar.
On this particular day, Shinpachi was dusting the furniture, Gintoki was pretending to take a nap in order to avoid helping, and Kagura was sitting opposite from him, flipping through manga.
This was nothing new. It was no secret Kagura liked to read manga, particularly when she was bored, but it wasn’t often that she chose to spend what little earnings she had on it. He supposed it wasn’t an entirely bad thing if she decided to spend her money on literature, even if it wasn’t in a more widely respectable form.
“What are you reading, Kagura-chan?” Shinpachi asked with a genuine curiosity.
“Cherry Magic,” Kagura replied, not bothering to look up from the pages.
“Huh, I never heard of it,” Shinpachi said. “What’s it about?”
“Some guy who’s been a virgin for 30 years. He develops psychic powers, and he finds out his popular co-worker is in love with him.” Kagura explained, a bit of a smile forming on her face as she gave a basic summary. She was clearly enjoying the story.
Gintoki paused. A strange concept, but manga did have to get creative these days, especially when the same stories just won’t cut it anymore. It was nice to know that Kagura was getting into Shoujo. She was a girl, after all. “Huh. How unique.” Gintoki said, trying to feign interest. “Does she have powers too?”
Kagura went back to reading, no longer interested in the conversation. “Not she. He.”
“Eh?” Shinpachi’s mouth fell slightly open, but he quickly closed it. “Ah, so it’s a BL series!”
“BL?” Gintoki repeated. “As in…”
“Boys Love,” Kagura said bluntly. “Or, Yaoi would be another term for it.”
Gintoki couldn’t stop himself from giving Kagura a bewildered look. When he finally processed the revelation, he bounced off his respective seat and marched to Kagura. “When our money is so limited, you still choose to spend it on that of all things!” He pulled Kagura’s cheeks in opposite directions as she whined in protest. “How could you read something so shameless?!”
“Gin-chan, don’t say things like that!” Kagura pouted as she rubbed her cheek with her free hand. “Adachi-chan and Kurosawa-san have the purest love. Someone like you wouldn’t understand.”
Brushing aside the fact that Kagura had referred to these fictional characters with honorifics, Gintoki huffed. What exactly was she trying to imply?
“I’ve never really delved into the genre myself, but… if Kagura-chan likes it, I’m sure it’s good.” Shinpachi gave her a reassuring smile, signaling his allegiance to her cause. For better or for worse, Shinpachi did try to keep the peace. Most times, anyway.
“It might do you some good to read it, Shinpachi,” Kagura said. “Maybe you’ll develop psychic powers too after you stay a virgin when you turn 30.”
“Oi!”
“Hold on, we’re getting distracted from the real problem here!” Gintoki shook his head dramatically. “Kagura, I can’t condone you reading something like this.”
Kagura stayed silent for a moment before clicking her tongue. “Oh, I see the problem. It’s because they’re both boys, is it? Wow, Gin-chan, I thought you’d be more open-minded…” She said with a mixture of disappointment and disgust.
“I most certainly am!” Gintoki protested. He would never confess this to the girl, but he had… experiences back during his days as a samurai. Experiences that sounded much more interesting than whatever she seemed to be reading! “You don’t need to be reading manga that contains explicit content!”
“But Gin-chan, you read magazines that are far worse than this!” Kagura huffed and crossed her arms, still cradling the book.
“Wha- I do not!” Gintoki sputtered. He so did.
“Whatever,” Kagura mumbled. “It’s obvious you’re just jealous.”
“Hah! Jealous?” He scoffed at the mere idea. What did the oh-so-desirable Gin-chan have to be jealous of? He turned his back on Kagura and went back to his seat. “There is nothing to envy about a 30-year-old virgin.”
“That’s not what I meant.” Kagura looked up from her manga with a hint of smugness. “Unlike you, at least Shimamura-san has the guts to confess to the man he likes.”
Shinpachi, once again caught between two forces, clenched his teeth and hissed Kagura’s name under his breath.
Gintoki suddenly sat up, attentive. Kagura had already moved on from the passing comment, but he wasn't about to let her off the hook so easily.
“I’m sorry, did I mishear you?” Gintoki let out a faint laugh in disbelief as he stuck a finger in his ear and twisted it around, feigning a good old-fashioned ear cleaning. “I could have sworn that you were trying to imply that I-”
“Gin-san, what do you suppose we just let this go and forget about it?” Shinpachi interrupted. His grip tightened around the feather duster he was holding, before muttering something else under his breath. “I’d rather not be a mediator for another one of your fights…”
“Shut it, Patsuan.” Gintoki dug the finger out of his ear and pointed it at Kagura. “Who is this man you’re referring to?”
Kagura turned to another page of her manga. “Isn’t the answer obvious?”
Gintoki paused, taking a moment to think about it before rolling his eyes. As much as he hated to admit it, Kagura was most likely thinking of Toushirou. The two together were quite a popular ship among Gintama fans, though the reason why completely eluded him. They were often seen together, but that was just fan service, of course. He would never go out of his way to interact with that dirty cop on purpose; he was a nuisance and a half.
He caught a glance of the aforementioned Adachi and Kurosawa, a pair of bashful men in office attire. He scoffed. Just like he originally thought, absolutely nothing to be jealous about. Sure, it was great that a couple of fictional men were able to bear their feelings to one another, but unlike them, Gintoki had real responsibilities. Responsibilities he ran away from at times, but still. Besides, that wasn’t even considering the possibility of entertaining the idea that he had the hots for Toushirou, which he didn’t. The two couldn’t stand each other, and that had little chance of ever changing. Not that that was his doing; it was almost always Toushirou’s fault that their arguments started. The man was incapable of taking a joke, which Gintoki found a little ironic, considering the state of his life.
That wasn’t to say the two of them didn’t have their moments of unity. When push came to shove, Toushirou was a reliable ally and someone he couldn’t abandon. Even though their relationship was turbulent almost all of the time, Gintoki couldn’t deny how satisfying it felt to save the day with Toushirou by his side. It was almost relieving when their backs were pressed up against each other during the rare battles where they were forced to team up, which were exhilarating in a way, and this is the part where Gintoki is supposed to realize that he does, in fact, have a massive crush on Toushirou, right?
Except that wasn’t happening. His blue eyes were just that, a dull, muddy blue. Not sapphires or ocean-blue, like how literature similar to this tends to describe them. His mug? Average. His personality was just terrible. And he always reeked of smoke.
Unfortunately for Kagura, her prediction was wrong.
Gintoki let out a relaxed chuckle. “C’mon Kagura, even if Toushirou and I were the last two people on earth, it wouldn’t happen.”
“But Gin-chan, I never mentioned Toshi.”
Ah.
The room went oddly quiet. Gintoki could think of a million ways to deflect, change the subject, or even defend his choice of words, but all his mouth could utter was a single, awkward groan. He didn’t have to even look at Kagura to sense her impending smirk from across the room, and he could feel Shinpachi’s eyes on him without a single ounce of pity.
“What do you call that?” Kagura shut her manga triumphantly. “A Freudian slip?”
Not even close.
Gintoki let out a heavy sigh and rose from the couch, making his way to the door. This was no longer a safe space. “I don’t need you making inaccurate speculations about my love life. I’m outta here.”
“Running away may be your specialty, Gin-chan,” Kagura started to say before busting out an obnoxious pair of lips attempting to smack the air. “But you can’t run away from loooooooove!”
“You are so childish!” Gintoki couldn’t help but yell back.
“Well, Kagura-chan is a-.”
Gintoki slid the door shut, disappointment heavy on his heart. To think that his own flesh and blood would corner him like that. Never mind the fact that they were not biologically related to him and had families of their own. Details, who needs them?
If he had been teased about anyone else, Gintoki might have been able to ignore it. But something about Toushirou was just so hard to ignore.
And so, he decided that he would much rather spend the rest of his afternoon removing himself from a situation that garnered thinking about that man at all! He heavily stomped down the stairs, reminiscent of a sulking child. As he aimlessly walked, he slowly began to regret his running away. That made him look guilty, didn't it? Almost as if he had something to hide… Oh well, this was just filler, right? Things would return to the status quo soon enough.
"Two, please." Gintoki called out to the old man. Unable to find anything better to do, he decided to find something to snack on. No better way to spend the remainder of his pitiful savings. After he was handed the dango, he took a seat as he took an obnoxious bite. He could finally resume his peaceful afternoon. Now that he was alone, he would finally be able to…
What was that smell?
He looked to his left, grimacing. Things never came easy for him, did they?
"Officer, would you mind arresting the man responsible for that putrid scent?" Gintoki made a show of pinching his nose, balancing the two sticks of dango in his free hand. "He's disturbing the peace."
Toushirou turned his head to face Gintoki. His frown worsening when he recognized who was calling out to him. "Put your hands up then. When's the last time you took a shower?"
Gintoki rolled his eyes. A low blow insult. Usually, Toushirou would have something more clever than that. "If it bothers you so much, why don't you just buzz off?"
"I could say the same to you." Toushirou said, casually.
"I was here first!"
"If you had actually paid attention to your surroundings, you would have noticed me here." Toushirou finally began to show cracks in his facade as his jaw tightened. "Following up on a tip, because you know, that's my job. Care to follow my example?"
"I'll have you know, I'm on break…" Gintoki mumbled, mostly because he was lying and Toushirou probably knew that.
"Right…"
The two had hit a wall in their usual arguing. There was no need for raised voices and grabbed collars today. Perhaps, they could peacefully co-exist together.
Nope, Gintoki wasn't even going to entertain that idea. Disaster was sure to follow if he stayed by the Vice-Commanders side any longer. Making sure to have a tight grip on his dango as he stood up, he walked by Toushirou in order to make his leave. Before he could bid a sarcastic farewell, he heard Toushirou suddenly yell something like 'there he is!' as he ran straight into Gintoki.
The two collided together onto the ground, Gintoki rolling from his side to his stomach as Toushirou landed on top of him. Using Gintoki's head to regain his balance, he scrambled to get back up all while Gintoki was desperately searching for his dango.
"Let go of my hair, asshole!" Gintoki managed to let out as he finally spotted his dango. Dirty, but still salvageable! He reached forward to grab it just before a black shoe lowered from above and wasted no time in squishing the poor thing. Without even apologizing, or noticing for that matter, Toushirou took off.
Oh, he was so dead.
Gintoki picked up the mangled corpses of his once-delectable sweet treats and marched his way over to Toushirou who looked like he was trying to subtly approach a suspicious looking man. He didn't look like an axe murderer, just more so a petty thief. Great, so no one would be getting hurt this way, except for maybe Toushirou. The perfect revenge was brewing in the air. Following his footsteps, Gintoki trailed behind the demonic Vice-Commander, his anger deepening with every step he took. Just as Toushirou was about to make his move, Gintoki placed a firm hand on his shoulder.
"Hey, asshole!"
He felt Toushirou's posture tighten against his grip. The supposed suspect was now on high alert, aware of Toushirou's presence and slowly began to back away from the duo. Wise move.
"…I don't know what the hell you think you're doing, but you better stop right now." A whisper clearly directed at him. Too bad for Toushirou, Gintoki didn't care about his ability to meet the arrest quota of the month or whatever.
"Or what? You gonna arrest me too?" Gintoki refused to let go, forcing Toushirou to spin around and face him. He revealed the reason behind his vendetta, waving the trampled dango around his face obnoxiously. "I demand reparations for this!"
Toushirou's glare didn't flinch. Instead, he simply shrugged off Gintoki's hand without acknowledging the dango and began to follow the suspect, who had managed to slip away in the midst of everything. Well, three can play that game!
Hovering around Toushirou like a fly that just won't quit, Gintoki repeated his demands over and over. "You know, I won't let this go, right? Not until you pay me back."
"Pay you back what?!" Toushirou yelled. Good, he was no longer able to keep up the nonchalant act. "Your chump change? How pathetic are you to hound me for 200 yen?!"
The suspect kept glancing back at them, his expression becoming visibly more distressed each time, and at this point, Gintoki was sure he and Toushirou looked far more suspicious.
"You would know about pathetic, wouldn't you? You can't even apologize for something that's your fault!" Gintoki snapped back, making sure to bump his shoulder into Toushirou's.
"If I knew an apology was enough to satisfy you, I would've done it by now." Toushirou paid the favor back by slamming into Gintoki's shoulder himself, all while keeping up with the suspect.
"Damn right it's not! I want my dango, prick!"
"Well, you're gonna have to wait! There are more important things than your gluttony, pig!"
With each insult exchanged, the physical attacks kept escalating to the point where they, once again, both found one another on the dirty ground. The dango was dropped along their path, long forgotten. It wasn't about the dessert anymore.
When Toushirou looked up, he cursed and pushed Gintoki off of him. "Damn it, he got away!"
Gintoki propped himself up with his elbow, sticking his tongue out smugly. "Oops, that's too bad."
Suddenly, there was a hint of venom in the air. He felt Toushirou grab his collar and lift him from the ground, breathing heavily in his face. "You… that's what you wanted all along, isn't it?"
"Oh, wow. Riveting work, officer," Gintoki sneered, letting his head drop to his side. "Little too late for you to realize that, though."
Suddenly, there was the chirp of a siren and the click of an intercom system before the voice of trouble rang out.
"Tsk tsk, Hijikata. You let the suspect get away? That's a shame, but don't worry, your precious subordinate is here to help."
Toushirou and Gintoki froze, their squabble no longer important. Sougo had always been a bit of a wild card, but if there was one thing that was certain, it was that anyone associated with Toushirou in the thick of his wrath would be classified as an enemy.
Somehow, instinctively, Gintoki rose his hands in surrender and gave the police car a pleading look, praying that Sougo would be able to find it in his heart to view the two as a separate entity. Instead, he heard the engine rev up in anticipation of… of what exactly?! What the hell was this kid planning to do?
"I'll take all the glory for catching that pest, but that'd be a bad look for you, wouldn't it? I'll do you another favor, I'll give you the perfect excuse as to why you were unable to capture such a bargain bin criminal."
No matter how hard Gintoki tried to break free of the grip Toushirou had on his collar, it was no use. It was almost as if he was staying still in order to further prevent provoking Sougo, similar to a rabid animal. Good for him, if that's what he thought would work, but Gintoki knew that staying still like this would only make it easier for them to fall victim.
The car wasted no time in zooming toward the pair, forcibly waking Toushirou out of whatever trance he was in. He dropped Gintoki's collar, letting him fall onto the ground like a discarded wrapper, and clicked his tongue before beginning to make a break for it. Some things never change, do they?
"Oh no you don't! Not again!" Gintoki wasted no time in running after Toushirou, making sure to push him as he ran past. Clearly, it was every man for themselves. "Just do me a favor and die already! I don't wanna get caught up in this!"
"Next time… maybe you shouldn't interfere with Shinsengumi business…!" Toushirou was able to catch up quickly but not without struggle, evident by his exasperated tone of voice. The street was narrow and dense, with nowhere to duck, and really, even if there was, Gintoki was running much too fast to even try.
Gintoki did the one thing you were never supposed to do and looked behind, the headlights of the killer car much more closer than anticipated, and screamed girlishly. "Can't you get him to calm down?!"
"What am I, his mother?!" Toushirou yelled back. Their bodies kept knocking into one another, as the street continued to narrow down, but neither seemed to care much at the moment. All that mattered was making out of this encounter alive.
"No, but you do seem to be the problem here," Gintoki muttered under his breath.
"You can't run from the law, Hijikata." His voice was getting closer.
"Um, hello? I'm here too!" Gintoki waved his arms in the air, trying to get Sougo's attention. "Your innocent Danna is about to get caught up in the crossfire!"
"It's no use," Toushirou moaned miserably. "When he sees an opportunity, he gets tunnel vision."
God damn these insufferable character quirks that allowed for over-the-top violence!
But there it was, a light at the end of the tunnel, it seemed… An open street! With plenty of space to roam and hide, and most importantly, lose these freaks! He would be able to run away, no problem. All he had to do was just get there… His breathing became harsher as he used one last shot of adrenaline to beat Toushirou and make it out. His hand stretched out toward the sound of people, he was so close he could almost grab it. He was gonna make it! He was-
"Die, Hijikata!"
And all at once, Gintoki's world felt like it was moving in slow-motion. He could hear the distant screech of a car as it jolted to a stop. As Gintoki felt his body fly through the air, he felt oddly reminiscent. Every memory, every person, racing through his mind.
‘Ah… my life is flashing before my eyes. This is the end for Gin-san.’
Pain was spreading through his body, and he knew that time wouldn’t be slowed forever. He would make contact with the hard ground soon enough, and then that would be it. To be met with such a comedic end, he supposed it suited him, but the fact that Toushirou was just a few feet away, having the same angelic moment of reflection, slightly pissed him off. Even in the face of death, he wasn't able to escape Toushirou.
Ah, well, as long as they didn't end up in the same place in the afterlife, Gintoki would be able to make his peace with that.
For the third time that day, Gintoki fell to the floor like a ragged doll. His eyes were slightly slanted as he felt a warm liquid spill underneath him. He heard the crunch of gravel and felt the presence of a young boy crouched over him.
"Ah, Danna, sorry. I didn't see you there." A pause. "I'll call someone, they'll get you fixed right up."
Gintoki mumbled something unintelligible, using his last ounce of strength to lightly brush against a shoe.
"Oh, Hijikata? Tch, unfortunately, he's fine."
After that, it felt okay to close his eyes.
The afterlife, or whatever it was, wasn't what Gintoki was expecting. It was cold, vast, and… nothing else. He wasn't able to see a thing, not even himself, but he could feel himself drift aimlessly. Was this Heaven, or Hell, or worse, limbo? There was no darkness, but no light either. He was simply existing, or rather ceasing to exist at all. Was this all that there was waiting for him? But there was still so much left to do! So many more people to save! What about Kagura and Shinpachi? Sadaharu? They needed him, and maybe, he needed them too.
Just as he was about to start having an existential crisis, he felt the slap of paper against his skin.
Gintoki jolted awake, shivering momentarily as he rapidly stood up. A pair of glasses fell lightly onto the carpeted floor. The new sensations of light peeking through the window and sounds of various bits of chatter disoriented him, causing him to squint his eyes shut. He slanted forward, grabbing onto something hard to keep himself steady, and opened his eyes; a desk.
“Eh…? Wait,” Gintoki touched his face, no blood, then the rest of his body, not a single ache. “What happened to me?”
"Slacking off this early in the morning isn't a good look, newbie." He heard a familiar gruff voice behind him.
He turned to look only to be met with-
"Kondo-san?"
"Yes?" He crossed his arms, looking unimpressed, which invoked a strange feeling in Gintoki, considering their usual dynamic. "Got anything to say for yourself?"
"…Where am I?"
A hush fell over the room, and Gintoki could feel eyes on him. He looked away from Isao's piercing stare and made eye contact with Sougo.
…Sougo!
"Hey, you brat!" Gintoki no longer cared about finding out where he was, he knew what he had to do, and that was to give Sougo a piece of his mind. Everything else could come second. "You've got a lot of nerve running me over!"
Sougo, who was idly drinking something in a paper cup, placed it down and looked at Gintoki with a challenging glare. "What are you talking about?"
"Don't play innocent with me! Take Hijikata down, fine, but why me?"
Sougo gave a quick glance to Isao, who was watching both of them curiously, before turning back to face Gintoki. "Why would I ever want to hurt Hijikata-san?"
"…Huh?"
Gintoki could hear whispers circling around him and then felt a hand on his shoulder.
"Listen, I was just trying to give you a scare, newbie. Are you okay?" Isao asked.
"Maybe he's not feeling well?" A well-meaning voice chimed to the right of him. Shinpachi, carrying a stack of papers, walked into Gintoki's line of view.
“Shinpachiiiiii…!” Gintoki cried in relief as he ran towards him. Shinpachi let out a noise of surprise, throwing his hands up and letting the papers spill to the floor. He swooped Shinpachi into his arms, giving him a firm hug. “Thank God you’re here! Gin-san is so glad to see a friendly face!”
“Ah, Sakata-san?!” Shinpachi yelped as Gintoki continued to cry exaggeratedly. “Can I help you with something?”
‘Sakata-san?’
“Someone get HR,” Sougo said with a familiar drawl in his voice. “We have a case of workplace harassment.”
Gintoki pulled away from Shinpachi and looked into his eyes. There wasn’t a hint of recognition. But there was no way Gintoki would mistake Shinpachi for someone else and there was no way that Shinpachi would forget about Gintoki… right? Something was wrong here, but until he had a semblance of an answer, he wouldn't be able to make a scene. His hands dropped to his sides as Shinpachi offered him a pitiful smile.
“Ah.” Gintoki blinked and realized Shinpachi was still waiting for a response. “I… I mistook you for someone else. I’m sorry, Shinpachi...”
Shinpachi sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. “That’s what I figured, don't worry about it, Sakata-san." He bent down to pick up the papers.
Immediately, Gintoki followed suit as he tried to make sense of what was going on. He studied Shinpachi subtly, making sure not to freak out the boy even further. He looked like Shinpachi, even talked like him, but now that Gintoki was really thinking about it, the air about him was different. Maybe it was that business-casual get up he was wearing. He snuck a quick glance at Sougo, sporting the same look with a white button-up. Isao, on the other hand, was much more formal with the full suit. His eyes then trailed down, and that was when he noticed, his clothing wasn't that different from everyone else.
He handed back the stack of papers to Shinpachi, muttering another apology, before finally looking out the window. At first glance, it only felt different. It still somewhat resembled the Edo Gintoki has come to know so well. But the more he stared, the more he realized that this place wasn't home. There was a lack of shacks and inns, all replaced with tall buildings that made him dizzy.
"Does anyone know where the bathroom is?" Gintoki asked, quietly, feeling his head get light again. He needed to figure out what exactly was going on without anyone around. Plus, he had to take a dump.
"Down the hall, to your right," Shinpachi said with a smile that felt more polite, than familiar.
That made Gintoki's heart sting a little, but he mindlessly followed Shinpachi's instructions regardless. As he walked toward the door leading to the hall, he took in what seemed to be an office. Desks lined together neatly, and similar to his own, most desks consisted of monitors and keyboards, though they seemed to be much wider and thinner than he was used to. The chorus of hushed voices closed behind him as he stepped into the hall. Turning his head lazily to his right, he spotted the bathroom Shinpachi had mentioned.
Just as he was about to place his hand on the door, it swung open itself.
'Oh, nice. It's automated.'
However, what he saw behind the door disproved this theory.
"Yozoruya?"
Immediately, he felt hands pull him in, the door closing swiftly behind them. Gintoki stumbled in, rubbing the wrists that Toushirou had so harshly tugged. "Geez, be more careful, will you?"
Seeing a familiar face did nothing to ail his worries after the way Shinpachi brushed him off, especially since it was Toushirou.
'Is this version of Hijikata some bathroom pervert or something?'
He paused, his hand still on his wrist and thought about it for a moment. Yozoruya… it was a nickname annoyingly reserved for him, one only his Toushirou would know.
"Where the hell are we?"
Gintoki looked up, his mouth slightly agape. Despite Toushirou's makeover, with a fancy suit and black-rimmed glasses that threatened to slide off his nose any second, it wasn't able to hide the look of frustration that Gintoki had begrudgingly become so familiar with.
"Wait, you know who I am?"
"Are you stupid?"
"Just answer the question!" Gintoki barked, but he was already beginning to smile. His response had already proven that yes, this really was Toushirou.
Toushirou rolled his eyes. "Sometimes, I wish I didn't. Did you hit your head or something? Don't tell me you lost your memory… again."
Gintoki sighed, but for once, out of relief. "No, no, it's not me. It's everyone else, including that sadistic freak who ran us over."
Toushirou's expression tightened. "What do you mean?"
"Exactly what I said. I woke up in this place, wherever it is," Gintoki crossed his arms, leaning against the door. "Kondo, Sougo, and Shinpachi are all here but they didn't know who I was."
"That's impossible," Toushirou snorted in disbelief. "If it were that easy to forget you, I would've already."
"Haha, very funny. Can you take this seriously, please? Take a look around, something is clearly wrong."
Toushirou fell silent as he stared at Gintoki, specifically his attire. "Right, there's no way you'd ever look this presentable normally." Before Gintoki even had the chance to retort, he continued. "You said you woke up here, where specifically?"
"In the room next door, it's some sort of office. That's why we're all wearing these monkey suits."
Toushirou began furiously digging through his pockets, slightly resembling a dog chasing his own tail.
"What, are you having tobacco cravings right now? Seriously?"
"No, you idiot," Toushirou huffed, finally finding what he was looking for apparently. He pulled out a wallet and what seemed to be a small card hanging from a lanyard. "Check your own pockets."
Gintoki clicked his tongue, hating that he was at the mercy of Toushirou's instructions. He felt through his own pockets, but only managed to find a card attached to a lanyard, similar to Toushirou's own. Now that he was able to take a better look at it, he noticed that it was a photo ID. Wordlessly, they lined their IDs together, staring dumbfounded at what seemed to be them but in their new get-ups.
"Wow, I didn't think it was possible for your eyes to look even more dull."
"Oh, shut up."
But he was right. The Gintoki that was looking back at him was almost lifeless. It was almost uncanny, this photo. Similar to Toushirou, Gintoki was also wearing glasses, though a bit more old-fashioned with rimless lenses. That must have been what had fallen from his desk when he was rudely awakened. Gintoki snuck a quick glance at Toushirou's ID, but he had the same emotionally constipated looking frown as always.
"Vice Chief… This must be my position here." Toushirou mumbled under his breath, running his fingers on top of the printed letters. "I'm guessing Kondo is Chief then, huh."
Toushirou ran a hand through his hair in frustration before taking a quick peek through the wallet. He remained silent as he flipped through. At first, nothing of interest seemed to show up judging by Toushirou's mild reactions. However, Gintoki noticed a slight flicker of pain flash across his face. He wasted no time in putting the wallet away.
"What was that about?"
"What?"
"What did you see in there?"
"Nothing," Toushirou mumbled, his eyes darting to the floor for a moment before returning Gintoki's gaze. "Anyways, I think we have a good enough idea of where we are now. Now we just need to figure out why we're here." As soon as Gintoki's mouth opened, Toushirou wasted no time in snapping. "And don't just say the first piece of nonsense that you can manage to think of. Suggest something useful."
Gintoki frowned at being ignored and insulted in the same breath, but he supposed there were more important things to worry about at the moment. Staring at a photo that did no favors for him against the dead-fish eye allegations, he thought about everything of note leading up to the fateful reunion between Gintoki and Toushirou in the bathroom.
'The last thing that happened to us before waking up here was… no! No ! It can't be!'
"Toshi…" Gintoki placed a hand on Toushirou's shoulder, mostly for dramatic effect but also to steady himself in light of his realization. "Don't freak out… but we were Isekaied."
"…What?"
"Isekaied! Transported to another world!"
"No, I heard it the first time, numbskull." Toushirou snorted, as if amused before he began to snarl and slapped Gintoki's aforementioned skull with the wallet. "I said, something useful!"
"Ow!" Gintoki wailed, even if it didn't actually hurt much at all. Still clutching onto Toushirou's shoulder with one hand and his photo ID in the other, Gintoki pulled him closer as he began to explain. "I mean, think about it. This place we woke up in… wherever it is, it's different from Edo. Clearly, I know Sougo and Shinpachi, but do they know me? It feels like... the one they remember isn't me, but this floozie in the picture."
The two of them looked down at the photo ID in a moment of eerie silence, almost as if they were portraits of the dead.
"But…" Toushiro sighed. "Can't they just be playing a prank on us? Dressing us up in these suits while we were unconscious, photo-shopping these pictures…"
"Would they really go that far?"
Toushirou raised an eyebrow. "He's done worse."
Right, yeah, Gintoki forgot who they were dealing with for a second.
Suddenly, Gintoki felt a vibration pulse against his chest and he yelped, releasing Toushirou. "What the hell was that?"
"I said check all your pockets."
"I did."
"Clearly not," Toushirou grabbed Gintoki's jacket before forcing it open despite his protests. "Look, there's more."
Gintoki looked down, and sure enough, the inner lining of his jacket had little slips. One of them in particular looked quite bulky. Whatever vibrated was in there. He pulled out, what seemed to be, a device made of glass so thin that Gintoki already knew that this wasn't something to be dropped.
"What the…"
He examined it while flipping it to its side. Sure enough, the device had a few buttons. He gently placed his thumb on the biggest one, recoiling slightly when the device lit up to life. All it showed was the time, date, a small blurb of text near the bottom, and a photo of strawberry fields.
"Is this… supposed to be a phone?"
"It can't be. Look at it," Toushirou motioned toward the phone. "It's so fragile. So impractical. Who would even be able to use it?"
"Now that I'm thinking about it, the computers back at the office had the same look. This must be what technology looks like here." Gintoki clicked on the text displayed on the screen. Based on what he already knew about phones, it must be a notification. Seamlessly, the screen now showed a long wall of text but the first line, written much larger than the others, struck a chord of dread through Gintoki's heart.
'Sakata Gintoki — Rent Overdue, May 5th 2025.'
"2025?"
"Rent?" He muttered, secretly hoping that his landlord wasn't who he was thinking of.
"2025…" Toushirou repeated. "This… this doesn't make any sense. Did we travel through time?"
Gintoki glanced at the phone again. Luckily, due to the parodic nature of Gintama despite it being a historical fiction, they were able to read the month and year just fine. He slipped the phone back into his pocket.
"Somewhat. Getting hit by a vehicle and waking up here, it's classic Isekai." Gintoki explained before squinting at Toushirou. "You should know this stuff, you were the one who got possessed by an Otaku."
"Don't remind me," Toushirou mumbled weakly into his hands. "Just when I thought it was all over…"
With his head in his hands, Toushirou continued to groan in distress. Gintoki shifted awkwardly, unsure of what to do. It was a… strange set of circumstances, but whether he liked it or not, they would have to work together and confide in one another. However, in order to do that, they would also need to put aside their petty grievances. It would only get in the way of figuring out a solution. He cringed at himself for even thinking of it, but eventually his hand found it's way to Toushirou's back. Although he had initially thought of patting him, he was sure Toushirou would finish the job Sougo had started. Instead, he settled for winding up his hand up and using it to give an affirming slap.
"Get it together!" Gintoki shouted, encouragingly. "You're the Vice-Commander of the Shinsengumi, what would they say if they saw you like this?"
Toushirou lifted his head and scowled. "Do that again, and I'll kill you."
Gintoki placed a hand on his chin, ignoring the death threat. "So, we've Isekaied, but to where? If people we know are here, it's not exactly a different story, is it?"
"It could be something like Ginpachi-sensei," Toushirou said. "An alternate universe."
"So, the Gintama characters but in an office-setting." Gintoki nodded, but couldn't find himself fully agreeing with that notion. "That can't be all there is. That'd just be milking the franchise. We haven't gotten that desperate yet, have we? There has to be more to it."
Despite the modern technology, nothing else about this universe seemed off. He was sure if he explored his surroundings, he'd be able to find more of his friends. It really could just be a regular slice-of-life story, huh? But Gintoki's gut was telling him different. What was so off about this universe that they found themselves in? It was right on the tip of his tongue, damn it!
Then all of a sudden, Gintoki's felt a shiver go up his spine.
As he was recounting all the events that took place that day once more, the image of two handsome men on the cover of a certain manga flashed in his mind.
'Boys Love. Or, Yaoi would be another term for it.' Kagura's words began to echo repeatedly as Gintoki slumped against the door, falling to the floor.
"What's wrong with you now?" He heard Toushirou say.
"Nothing… nothing at all," Gintoki whispered, desperate to forget his new revelation.
"Fine, keep your secrets," Toushirou said as he lightly nudged Gintoki with his foot. "Now move, we should probably get back. Nothing will change if we stay in this bathroom forever."
'It's fine, I'm just overthinking things. Gintama is a Shounen anime, after all!'
Gintoki slowly got back up, ignoring the way his knees cracked, and watched as Toushirou moved past him to exit the bathroom.
Toushirou looked left, right, then back at Gintoki. "Which way is the office?"
"Left…" Gintoki managed to muster up an answer, but he kept thinking of Kagura's ominous words, now realizing that they were foreshadowing his now unfortunate situation. Being here with his rival was bad enough, and he certainly didn't need more excuses for the universe to push them together.
Why couldn't he have Isekaied to a romance story between him and Ketsuno Ana?! Or better yet, why couldn't he have just died and gone to Hell? That would have induced less suffering.
An impatient click of the tongue was enough to keep him from spiraling further. Toushirou was still watching him, expectant. "I know this is a crazy situation, but… you were right, we need to keep it together… Gintoki."
It was subtle, but he noticed the way Toushirou's firm and steady gaze twinkled. Even though they were indoors, Gintoki swore that his v-shaped bangs began to sway, almost as if there were wind blowing. Slowly but surely, the dull interior of the hallway began to fade away, replaced by a backdrop of baby pink with flower petals falling from God knows where.
"…Yeah, thanks." Gintoki said, with a daze. He squeezed his eyes shut and open to see that the spell had broken. Toushirou was no longer dazzling like an Otome love interest. Gintoki coughed awkwardly and forced a smile, as he ignored the beating of his heart which, for some reason, had gotten obnoxiously loud. "Guess it won't be so bad, being stuck here with you."
Toushirou just gave a grunt of acknowledgement, seemingly not happy with Gintoki's response.
As the two men walked back to the office where they'd be spending their next foreseeable days, Gintoki's eyes couldn't help but fall on Toushirou's ass.
'Am I… gonna have to stick it in there?'