Chapter Text
“I underestimated you.”
Sephiroth’s hollow voice breathes in her ear. A stone cold echo that runs down her body, resonating through her bones.
Aerith gasped, her body froze. She pressed her palm against her chest as she tried to breathe.
The visions of him were starting to get more vivid, starting to feel more real, as if he was teasing her from afar, whenever she fell alone.
How did he know, how could he know?
She sat on the small bed of her room at the inn. Taking a moment to ground herself, she took a look around to shake the vision away.
She noticed the room was more spacious than the usual inns they had been staying at. A desk sat at the corner, cluttered with unfamiliar maps, a notebook with a printed logo, a set of paper and pencil, wax seals, envelopes... She wondered if people still used all that when they traveled.
Either way, it was a nice touch from the hosts, made her feel more ‘tucked in’ if that’s the right expression, just knowing someone had taken the time to prepare such thoughtful details for guests like her.
The walls were painted butter yellow, and there was a smell of old wood that reminded her of church pews in Midgar, mixed with something fainter—maybe lavender. It was all the personal touches that gave the room a sense of peace that lingered cozy at night.
She took off her boots, placed them neatly under the bed. And sitting down back on the mattress, she moved her feet, flexed and stretched them, hearing her bones crack in complaint.
It wasn’t until she finally settled down at the end of the day she realized how tired she actually was, how sore her muscles were.
There was a burning sensation in her ankle she looked down to examine. Her white sock was stained with blood. She rolled it down her foot to see a small superficial cut over a purple bruise, she hadn’t noticed before. She ran her fingers across the wound, she’d have to heal herself later, and probably be more careful next time.
She took off her jacket, folded it and placed it at the end of the bed, dusting it lightly of any dirt that could have stubbornly set in its fabric.
She got up to look through the window. Sliding the white curtains aside, she peeked outside. The sun was already setting, gold light edging the mountains in the horizon, making the rooftops burn with color as she watched.
She heard voices coming down from the patio which her window overlooked. She leaned over the sill to get a better glimpse. Tifa was idly stretching her arms, talking to Cloud, who was leaning against the garden fence, his sword resting casually next to him.
Cloud stood there, arms crossed, a softer expression on his face than his usual frown, eyes gentle on Tifa as she spoke.
She couldn’t hear their conversation from up there, but she felt a pang of contentment they seemed to be getting along.
Aerith took a moment to look at them, how they had grown this ease about their friendship, a comfortable way of being around each other she’d always admired but sometimes couldn’t help wishing she could find for herself.
As if he had sensed her gaze, he looked up at her. She flinched at first, he always seemed to know where she was, even from a distance, leaving her wondering what else he might have noticed. Turquoise eyes met hers through the fading light, glistening and curious.
She smiled, lifted her hand to give him a little wave.
And he returned with a small shy smile of his own, and a quiet nod to his head.
Her chest tightened as his gaze lingered on her. She couldn’t say where it had started, this ache in her heart had always sort of been there the whole time. A never-ending longing that drew her towards him.
It made her brain flood her body with adrenaline, making her suddenly hyperaware of her surroundings and of every move she made.
Why of all people, did he have that effect on her?
He kept staring back up and she didn’t move an inch from where she stood looking at him.
She didn’t know how long she stayed that way, but after one solid minute more she felt the sudden need to go back into her room, leave them both to their privacy. Let them bond. Maybe she had been interrupting all this time, intruding in their own little moment.
With heavy feet she walked away from the window, offering him one last tiny smile and another feeble wave of her hand, mouthing a quick ‘see you tomorrow’, she hoped he’d make out.
She sighed when she was out of their view. Standing there as her heart rate dropped to a slower pace, at the same time her eyes began to burn with tears.
This wasn’t normal of her at all. She shook her head, fighting them back.
She didn’t know why it suddenly felt so overwhelming being there, why she couldn't quite escape the sting of longing clawing inside her ribcage, tightening each time she tried to breathe.
Maybe she was just tired and a good night sleep was all she needed so whatever this feeling was would go away.
The sound of muffled voices carried on outside for a few more minutes as the sun went down and the night settled in.
She sat down at the desk at the corner of the room, turning on the lamp above. Maybe if she could write down her feelings, all of it, the way she felt so hopeless near Cloud now, even though it was easy around him at first. Now it just felt like a strain, like fighting against the pull of a tide. Maybe if she wrote it all down, how their travels were weighing in on her, the closer they got to finding Sephiroth…
Maybe if she wrote it down, she’d feel lighter. Renewed. It could help a bit, to make sense of these feelings, like the way writing a song at Gold Saucer helped lift some edge off.
She picked up a pen and one of those logo pieces of paper but before she could write down any word, there was a knock on the door.
She waited, hand hovering above the white sheet, holding the pen, waiting to see if she was hearing things or there was someone outside.
There was another subtle knock, fading this time.
She stood up and walked across the room, wooden floor creaking under her feet.
She opened the door to be met by his turquoise blue eyes.
“Cloud..?” The sound of his name came shaky, barely more than a whisper as her hands tightened unconsciously on the doorframe, pulse jumping unexpectedly in her throat.
He wasn’t carrying his sword nor had his shoulder pad on. It made him look smaller, leaner, with his arms looking relaxed at his sides, showing unfamiliar vulnerability as he searched her face for any sign of invitation or reluctance.
“I…” he started. Then cleared his throat. “I wasn’t sure you were awake, I’m doing the night run, checking in on everyone before going to bed myself.” He said, eyes focused on hers.
“Oh..” she said, her own gaze dropping to the floor, then back up again at him.
“You okay?” He asks.
“Don’t I look it?” She lilted, giving him a playful smile, trying to seem casual but struggling to unknot the lump in her throat as she gestured welcomingly.
He stared at her a moment before running a hand through his hair, shifting on his feet. He seemed awkward, more than usual, but she couldn’t blame him, she had maintained her distance from him after their date at Gold Saucer, by the time the visions started getting stronger.
They hadn’t talked about Gold Saucer, so things had been left in a bit of a delicate limbo, a bit confusing, like maybe both were waiting for the other to break the silence between them. The quiet tension before anything more intimate happened. “Okay…” he said. “Well, let me know if there’s anything.”
“Well, actually—“ she spoke before her brain could process it. “Would you like to hang with me for a bit? Can’t sleep.”
Oh… her thoughts ran wild in her head. She wanted him to come in, badly, but also she didn’t want him to. She couldn’t trust herself these days.
“Sure.” He said.
Oh no…
She stepped away, giving him room to walk in. How curious, she thought, that her brain screamed one thing but her body another.
“There is something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about anyway.” He said, but then he paused.
They stood there in silence for a moment, neither of them knowing what to say as the hush thickened, dense with anticipation for what might follow.
“You got a desk.” He broke the silence at last, pointing toward the furniture at the corner. She saw him noticing the pen on top of the white paper where she had left it.
“Ah… yeah.” She nodded, a little taken aback by the randomness of his remark. “Don’t you have one too?”
He shook his head. “I think I got the smallest room of this entire place.”
She smiled faintly, wondering if he had checked on everyone before coming to see her. “Is everyone asleep already?”
He rubbed the back of his neck, shifted again, then shrugged. “I came to your room first.”
“Oh…” she laughed. “Hopefully, I won’t keep you long.” She reached for his hand to pull him towards the bed. She sat down, gesturing for him to follow. “A desk, but not enough chairs.” She shrugged unapologetically.
They sat shoulder to shoulder, close enough that she could feel the warmth radiating from his arm, unsure if she should speak first or wait. Not sure what to even say or do, but she didn’t want to be alone, and she felt glad he was the one showing up at her door.
“So…” she finally started. “Our last stop before it gets serious, huh?”
He nodded.
“You think we’re all prepared for what’s next?” She asked. “Materia all leveled up, weapons optimized, healthy enough?”
“You’re asking me about weapons and experience?” He asked, eyes widening as his gaze turned to her.
“Well, couldn’t hurt asking.” She shrugged again. “So, are we?”
He paused, probably to think about what this was all about, not even she could tell. All she knew was she couldn’t act exactly normal around him at the moment.
“I guess.” He said weakly, voice cracking a bit, was she that obvious?
“Maybe we could do one last quest before we head on, wouldn’t it be more cautious?” She asked, and maybe while at it, they could spend a little more time together before it all goes down. Would it be smart of her to though?
“If that’s how you feel, I can talk to the others though I’m sure they’ll agree.” He said, and something about the way he looked at her, a certain worry in his eyes, the way his lips pressed together in a firm line, made her wonder if he was truly concerned about strategy or about her.
She looked away from him, kicked her hanging feet a bit. “Probably shouldn’t waste any more time… forget I said anything.” She tried to smile, but it just seemed like she was trying too hard.
“No, hey.” She felt him move closer, their shoulders touched, his skin felt warm against hers. “I could use a bit more practice too. I’ll speak to everyone about it in the morning. We have time.”
She lifted her head to look at him. “Thank you.” There it was then, that look on his face he did often when looking at her, relief flickering across his features as if her worries had granted him an unspoken permission to speak up. Like he could see the pieces she tried to hide behind careful words, exposing fears she refused to voice aloud. “It means more than you know.”
Time, that’s all she can ask for, right now, was that selfish or just survival?
“I guess… I feel a little scared.” She said, curling on herself a bit, crossing her arms to her chest. “About what’s to come. I’m not sure I’m prepared…” and she wished she didn’t have had the advantage of having had visions about her fate.
“I’ve watched you fight.” He said. “You’re ready.”
She smiled, but sadness washed over her. “Maybe.” She tilted her head. “But not so much here.” Her hand lifted up slowly, her finger tapped her temple, then dropped to point to the spot on her chest where her heart was. “Or here.”
He studied her, watching as her hand slipped from her chest down along her side, letting silence sit between them for a moment.
“For that, I’m right here.” He said then, the sound of his voice steady and grave, but also gentle and kind, in a way only he knew how to voice, reassuring and comforting her like nothing else could. It dawns on her how much he’s changed since they met. How he has grown to be genuinely confident around her, not just as a demonstration. “I’m not going anywhere. You can lean on me whenever you want.”
And it makes her chest ache, how much she came to love him.
“Until the ride’s over?” She teased, alluding to their gondola date where she had been leaning close against him while the fireworks illuminated the sky all around.
He smiled, small but warm. “For as long as you’d like.”
She lingered her gaze on him, a smile curving her lips. She nodded, feeling her cheeks warm, wondering again about the strange effect he had on her. It’s pleasant, like butterflies fluttering in her stomach, but at the same time annoying and completely nerve wracking that she had no control over it, whatsoever.
He bent down suddenly, ungloved hand pointing at the smudge of red on her sock.
“What’s that?” He asked. “Are you hurt?”
“Oh, it’s nothing-
“I’m going to check it, okay?” He said and only after she nodded hesitantly through a shaky breath, did he reach for her foot, placing a hand carefully behind her heel to lift her leg and lay it tenderly on his knee. He rolled down her sock, grunting at the sight of her cut.
Which was rather silly, it was already encrusted with dried blood, so it didn’t look so bad. She hadn’t healed it yet because it wasn’t hurting that much.
“I’m sorry.” He said, concern spread across his face as his eyes met hers.
“Not your fault. I don’t even know how I did that, with combat boots and all!”
“I should have protected you.” He gently brushed the length of the scratch with his thumb. The warm touch of his skin felt soothing. She noticed he had softer hands than she had imagined, calloused from the battles, but still soft, for a mercenary.
“I can protect myself too.”
“Yes, but—
“No need to worry, it’s just a small scratch.” She chuckled, but he kept on looking at her with a gloomy expression, almost as if he was beating himself up internally for her wound. “I’m okay.” She reassured, gripping his hand.
She let her leg fall and scooted closer to him.
“So…” she bumped his shoulder. “What did you want to talk about?”
“Oh…” his cheeks visibly turned a darker shade of pink, hiding the tiny freckles on his nose.
She gave him an encouraging nod, curiosity bubbling inside her mind.
But he remained silent, forehead frowning, like his mind was in a turmoil to find the right words. She wondered what it could be about.
“I…I..” he stammered. “Don’t really know how to start.”
“Well, mom always says ‘if it’s hard to say, spill it away!’” She sang the phrase, lifting a finger up in the air for dramatic expression.
He blinked. Then chuckled.
“Yeah, clearly moms don’t always make the most sense.” She laughed, after thinking it through.
“Clearly.” He emphasized.
The air felt lighter between them, as if the unspoken tension had faded away just a little, giving space for real conversations to begin.
He breathed in, then slowly out, hands curling on his knees. “Kinda felt we grew apart since Gold Saucer.”
Of all the things she could have guessed he’d say, this didn’t cross her mind at all.
“You mean since our date?” She asked.
He nodded, just barely.
Her eyes widened, words suddenly getting caught in her throat, she didn’t know what to reply, how to respond. So he had noticed the slight shift in her presence around him.
“Which left me wondering if I did anything wrong.” He continued. “And I realized I did.”
“You did?” She looked down at the floor, couldn’t muster the strength to look up at him. He didn’t do anything wrong, not that she could think of. Their date had been much more than just a friendly one, it had been full of small moments that lingered in her mind every night before she slept. It had been everything she could have hoped for in a date. A real romantic one.
“I fell.” He said, and when the words hit her, they cut deep, deeper than any other physical wound she ever experienced. “When you asked me not to.”
“Cloud…” she could only whisper, like she had been left breathless. “You can’t possibly mean that.” She finally spoke, too weak to look him straight in the eyes.
“Why not?” He asked.
“Because…” she started.
“It’s not real.”
“It’s not real.”
They say at the same time.
He scoffs. The sound echoes across the quiet room. He glanced away, then back at her.
“I think I’d know.” He said, expression turning dark.
Maybe he was right, maybe it’s what’s meant to be, she was sure there would be a universe where it would have worked out. But what if it wasn’t this one? How can she lead him on when fate loomed just around the corner? Sephiroth surely was making sure she knew he was waiting.
And she couldn’t risk breaking his heart again, not again. How much of it could he take, how much could she take?
She closed her eyes, took a deep breath though it felt hard to.
She felt his hand cupping hers between them.
“It’s not that you wouldn’t know, maybe you’re just confused.” She said. She could tell how busy his mind was just looking in his eyes.
“How can you have fallen when there’s been so little time?” She asked kind of stupidly. She knew better than this. She’s loved him since they met.
“I’m no expert.” He said. “But I don’t think there’s exactly a measure of time.”
Once again she had been left speechless looking at him, like he’s suddenly years older than her, far more experienced.
“You can hate me, it’s okay.” He said, his hand tightened slightly around her knuckles. “But I’m not confused, not about this.”
“I could never hate you.” She said in a jolt, it hurt he could ever think so.
“Then…” he continued. “Is it still you think of—
“No.” She didn’t let him finish. And she sees how his posture relaxes in front of her. His jaw unclenches, his shoulders slump down. “It’s not that.” She shook her head. “I’m afraid… I’ll break your heart.” The truth for once, plain and simple.
“I can handle it.” He said. “I don’t think you would, but let me handle it.”
They stared at each other for a long moment, one she knew it would be better to end there and then, but instead they leaned in closer and closer to each other, the pull stronger and stronger each second the wooden clock on the wall ticked, until she felt his breath on her lips, until his nose pressed against her skin and tendrils of blond hair brushed against her forehead.
Her heart pounded as she closed in the last inches between them, and his kiss, which she had wondered about before, tasted like sunlight in the summer, hot and salty and gentle, so gentle and slow it made bolts of lightning run down her skin, leaving her wanting more.
She pulled back and his breath hitched as she smiled at him. He looked at her through half-lidded eyes, his hand lifted so he could brush her bangs away from her eyes, fingers trembling against her skin as his hand lingered behind her ear. He leaned in to kiss her, lips meeting again. This time it lasts longer, more intensely.
And to her, that kiss was worth a million more than whatever fate could throw at her. Worth having spent so many years under Shinra’s watch, wandering the streets of Midgar under sunless days before finding him, just to have been able to kiss him this way.
But to him? Would this kiss make the pain of losing her worse?
“I’m sorry.” She broke away from him.
“For what?” His voice came out hoarse and breathless. She could feel the confusion in his tone.
She looked up at him, his eyes were wide, pupils blown, and his cheeks flustered, his blond hair a little tousled over his eyes. He was breathing fast and short. His lips were parted like he wanted to tell her something though he couldn’t express himself. He looked young and nervous and so very innocent. Like someone who had just been kissed for the first time. She wanted to remember him like that, messy and vulnerable, engrave this picture of him in her mind and in her heart, just this way.
It was such a cruel fate she’d always have to meet him with goodbye. The real him, she only ever got a glimpse of.
Once again, tears burned her eyes as she sat there, suddenly the ticking of the clock resonated heavy in the room and in her ears, as if warning her time was running out.
She smiled, regardless. She pressed a palm to his cheek, it felt so hot against her skin, so good, so alive. “Nevermind.” She said.
He looked at her for a long time. Assimilating, processing. And then he grabbed her hand, pulled it gently to press his lips against her knuckles.
“You better go.” She whispered, even though she didn’t want him to leave. She wanted to lay down against him, fall asleep in his embrace, watch the sun rise next to him, every night on until…
He nodded slowly before letting her hand free.
“Meet you in the morning.” He said. “So we can check the village for quests.”
“HmmMm.” She nodded as they both rose to their feet. “Gonna go check on the others, still?”
“Don’t think so.” He replied, opening the door of her room.
She leaned against the door frame as he walked out. “You were only going to check on me, weren’t you mister?”
He chuckled softly, glancing away. “Maybe.” He said.
“Thought so.” She smiled, rather happily. “Well… good night.”
“Good night.” He replied, and he walked away down the corridor of rooms.
She closed the door, leaning her forehead against its wooden surface. She took a few breaths, heart pounding in her chest. And finally she let the tears fall down.