Chapter Text
Eiji stared at the shave ice menu, confused. “This is what you wanted to show me?”
Ichiban had been excited on their trip back to Hawaii--a do over, he had said, just the two of them, he had promised. Going around on a real Hawaiian vacation with none of the bad stuff–hopefully, he had added with a sheepish smile.
And one of the first places they went was Matsumoto's shave ice, to which Ichiban pointed to the ‘Ichiban Special’ being offered.
“Isn't this cool?” He took out his phone and held it out. “Take a picture of me and the menu.” Then his eyes went large like he just got a great idea. “No, wait!” He took a reluctant Eiji by the shoulder, guiding him so they were standing next to each other. “The both of us!”
Pressed up against the other man's side, Eiji barely managed a passing smile at the camera. It still felt awkward how easily Ichiban forgave him for everything, how he would endlessly offer kind, supportive words anytime Eiji felt guilty and protested.
That's why this is a do over, Ichiban had said earlier with a smile, while Eiji had insisted,
That's not how things work!
And Ichiban gave him an easy reply of, Well, it's good enough for me.
Remembering that exchange, Eiji sighed. If Ichiban was going to do all this for him, for them, then he could try as well.
He shoved his hands into the pocket of his hoodie. “I guess if I saw my name on a restaurant menu, I'd want to try it, too.”
“Exactly.” Ichiban grinned, pleased at being understood. He put his phone away. “What flavor do you want?” The full list was over 30 choices long. “There's so many!”
Eiji glanced at him. Ichiban was squinting, eyes roving over words like Li hing mui, Lilikoi, and Pickled mango. He looked serious. They could only choose one flavor, after all, and he had to make it count, apparently. Eiji looked lower, unable to not get distracted by the other’s attire. Ichiban’s shirt was of course not the same one from before, this design a simple white sea shell pattern this time, but the rest of it was still a bright vibrant red.
…What flavor was red?
Ichiban nudged him, an elbow touching his. “Let's get something blue. You like blue, right?”
Eiji did. The shirt under his gray hoodie was plain blue. But he gave him an amused look anyway. “I don't think you're supposed to choose based on your favorite color.”
Ichiban’s eyes widened like he had been insulted, but his tone was playful. “That is exactly how you choose! At least, you know,” he rubbed at his neck, “for the first time you try something new.”
Eiji gave him a look. “I hope you’re not thinking about coming back to try every flavor.” When Ichiban grinned at him, Eiji sighed. “You would, wouldn’t you?”
Ichiban answered resolutely. “We gotta get Blue Pineapple.”
There were other blue choices, like Blue Raspberry, even Ramune. Eiji didn’t think twice about saying dismissively,
“We don’t have to make every choice Hawai’i-related, you know.”
But Ichiban shot him such a sad look, that Eiji froze, suddenly remembering that he was supposed to be trying–trying new things, trying to have fun, because that trying made Ichiban happy for some reason. And even though Eiji knew Ichiban wasn’t truly upset, he immediately back peddled, but made to sound casual about it.
“I guess I can see the appeal, though,” he said, only looking at the menu on the wall. “It’s not every day we can do this.”
“I know it’s touristy,” Ichiban said in a way that made it clear that he was enjoying every moment of this. “But there’s a certain charm to it, especially when you share it with those you care about.”
Eiji went quiet at that, because he was not going to get emotional over shave ice, and he nodded in agreement when Ichiban went up to the counter to order.
Next they attempted the beach.
“Tomi!” Ichiban gripped his phone in front of him with both hands, panicking into a blank screen. “What's happening on the beach? Why is it blocked off?”
Eiji hesitated a moment before reaching over and pressing the video button, then taking a step back.
Tomizawa popped up on the screen, sounding chill and unsurprised to be getting this call. “Oh, hey, Ichiban.”
Ichiban gave him a winning smile. “Hey, man. So, what happened?”
“Monk seal,” Tomizawa replied simply like that was enough of an answer, and Ichiban squinted at him.
“… Monk seal?”
“Yeah,” Tomizawa began to explain. “Sometimes they come up on the beach and hang around for a few weeks. They're an endangered species, so it's a huge deal when they have babies and all, which is what happened.”
“Aw.” Ichiban looked like he was imagining the cutest creature. “I kinda want to see now.”
Tomizawa cut straight to the point since Ichiban seemed to go around touching all kinds of animals. “No one is allowed to get close. Also, they're dangerous.”
“A seal?” Ichiban said in disbelief, and Tomizawa took on a serious tone.
“They're huge. They have sharp teeth.” He brought the screen closer to his face for emphasis to show that he wasn’t playing around. “You think they're cute and cuddly, but they'll attack you if you get close.” Tomizawa didn’t even pause as he raised an eyebrow at Ichiban and said, “They're kinda like you.”
But Ichiban only gave him a goofy little laugh. “You think I’m cute and cuddly?”
Tomizawa made a short noise in his throat, frowning. “Shut up. You know what I mean.”
Eiji let them talk some more while he looked over the empty area of the beach. This was good. He'd rather not get undressed, still not quite wanting the perceived attention of being around others. He would have loved it before, would have been more than comfortable showing off most of his skin, but now…
Ichiban appeared next to him, phone tucked away, and not at all ruffled by the turn of events as he suggested an alternative.
“Maybe we can go to the beachside pool instead.”
Eiji shook his head. “It's fine.”
“Oh, come on.” Ichiban gave him a once over with concerned eyes. “You look like you’re roasting in all those clothes.”
He still had on his jacket, he had long pants on and shoes, but Eiji was hardly out of place. There were others dressed just like him walking around.
“It’s not that hot, really.”
Ichiban took a moment to look out towards the ocean. What was good about being so near it was that there was usually some wind blowing in, so it never felt too warm despite the endless sun. He turned back, frowning like he was thinking through something.
“I mean, sure, the tropical breeze is really nice,” he started off slowly, then with conviction, “but we’re here to relax and get some sun.” Ichiban paused with a sudden realization. “Wait, you did bring a swimsuit, right?” Then he perked up at the chance to be helpful. “You can borrow mine, if you want. I brought a spare.”
It was kind of him, but Eiji had a good excuse this time. “I would hardly fit.”
Ichiban glanced down at himself, then over to Eiji, comparing the both of their sizes.
“Change of plans,” he said like they were heading off on a grand adventure. “We’re going to the mall!”
Eiji couldn’t say no to that. Especially since there was something nice about being around someone who got excited over the most mundane things, considering how very small Eiji's world had been some time before until Ichiban came back into it. Browsing stores was fine, but he couldn't help but be a little realistic when it came to spending, considering he no longer had access to money he didn't earn himself. He didn't intend to sound mean when he said,
“For someone who doesn’t have a lot of money, you sure like to shop a lot, don’t you?”
Ichiban wilted with a strangled noise at that, before straightening up with a reassuring thumbs up.
“It’s fine, it’s fine. You can treat me next time, how’s that?”
Eiji managed a small smile at his enthusiasm. Instead of denying him outright, he made an attempt with a soft, “...We'll see.”
Taking that as a positive answer, Ichiban smiled enough for the both of them.
“This is going to be so much fun.” He patted Eiji on the back, his hand lingering there as they both started walking. “We’re going to get you dressed up.” He blinked, remembering that they were going to be getting swim trunks and not something fancy. “Or, well, dressed down, I guess? But I guarantee you,” he said in his usual encouraging way–encouragement that Eiji definitely needed, “you’ll look great.”
They did not make it to the shopping center.
Ichiban got distracted by another ABC store and he just had to go inside, as if this one was different from the others on every block.
Eiji had at least allowed himself to be convinced to take off his hoodie when the sun began to beat overhead and shine brightly against the buildings they were surrounded by, and was sitting on a bench waiting for Ichiban since this was the third one he wanted to duck into.
With the first store, they came out with a warm two pack musubi for them to share. The next one a single bottle of passion orange juice–with two straws–which prompted Eiji to ask if he was already out of cash, with Ichiban insisting that friends share drinks, Ei-chan.
It made Eiji pause, because even though Ichiban had said they were friends many times, it still tripped him up. He had wanted that friendship when Ichiban offered it so freely back in his apartment before he turned himself in, had accepted it when Ichiban met up with him again after it was all over, but something about being here made him feel like he especially didn't deserve it.
It was walking down the same sidewalks they did when they first talked together, it was seeing the same buildings they went in before when he had been lying to and scheming and manipulating Ichiban. It reminded him of the distress on the other man's face when he happily revealed his plans, of the anger in his voice when Eiji continued to hurt him, and of Ichiban’s desperate pleadings for him to stop.
Eiji shut his eyes.
Maybe it was a bad idea to sit here alone with his thoughts, with familiar sights around him. And even though he hadn't seen certain groups of people around, it didn't mean they weren't somewhere. This was supposed to be about forgetting those memories, but it wasn’t that easy.
At least it didn't take long for Ichiban to return.
“You all right?” There was a presence next to him, Ichiban sitting on the bench as well. “You’re looking a little down.”
Eiji peeked at him. “...Just thinking.”
“Good thoughts, I hope,” was the easy reply, and Eiji didn't quite know what to say, but Ichiban gave him a moment, the silence between them somehow not stifling.
He hadn't thought this would be hard to get over. He had hurt people before and it hadn't mattered to him. Ichiban had hardly gone through the worst that Eiji had dished out to others. When Eiji had more time to think about it before, back when he had felt more sorry for himself and was constantly going over everything that had happened, part of him had reasoned that it was Ichiban's own fault for connecting so hard to him–and pretty much immediately at that.
But those thoughts didn't make him feel better, they didn't alleviate the guilt that he didn't even understand why he felt in the first place. And in trying to understand that, it took a while to realize that in his quest for revenge, he had become exactly the type of person he hated--someone who used the power they had to hurt others. While he had justified it before when he had been going after those with money and influence, it was something he could no longer do.
Maybe it wasn't about forgetting the bad he did. Maybe it was something he'd have to live with.
“Kasuga-san,” he finally said, eyes downcast. “I should thank you.”
There was a scoff. “Who, me?”
Even though Ichiban sounded confused, Eiji knew the old him would have been convinced he was being coy, as if he didn't know exactly why and was fishing to be praised. Eiji knew better now.
“Yes,” he said softly. “For everything.”
Ichiban didn't miss a beat, as if he had been waiting for this moment. “Then I should thank you, too.”
It was Eiji's turn to be confused. “For what?”
“For not giving up,” Ichiban said easily. “It’s hard to reach out to others, or to accept the help that's being offered. I’ve seen it happen way too many times.” He looked at him straight in the eyes, sounding so genuine and so delighted. “And you gave me a second chance with you.”
Eiji could not help shooting him a look of sheer disbelief. “I gave you a chance?”
As if Eiji hadn't been the one to attempt to ruin his life, to hurt him physically and mentally, to–
“You're here, aren't you?” Ichiban broke through the start of his spiraling thoughts with a gentle tone. “I think the fact that we’re both here means something.”
Eiji made a helpless noise at that. “What do you mean?”
Ichiban just gave him a shrug and a smile. “We can figure it out together.”
He didn't give him time to think further or to protest, distracting him by continuing to talk.
“Anyway. Here.” He handed him a tiny white paper bag with the ABC store logo on it. “What do you think?”
Inside was a pair of earrings of white plumerias with a burst of blue in the middle, and hanging from a length of black metal links.
Eiji stared at it, speaking tonelessly, “Buying a souvenir?”
“Yeah, for you.” Ichiban said it so simply, it shook Eiji out of the numbness he was falling into. “I saw it and it reminded me of you. I think you’d match.” Then he puffed up, looking super pleased with himself. “My friends say I’m the best at choosing gifts.”
Eiji's throat began to hurt.
Ichiban had noticed he liked the colors and the flowers at some point, had somehow noticed his pierced ears even though he hadn't worn jewelry in how long. Eiji realized at no point had he done anything for Ichiban, had not given anything to him.
He probably would have broke a little right there if Ichiban hadn't leaned in and said in a worried tone,
“I hope it fits.”
Eiji almost laughed at that, his tone strained from the effort of holding it back. “You hope it fits?”
Ichiban did laugh. “Is that weird to say?”
It was. It was dumb and ridiculous and–
Eiji let out a breath as he straightened up, feeling lighter. “No.” He held up the earrings to see them again. “But they'll fit. Your friends were right about you choosing gifts.”