Work Text:
The kitchen was quiet.
The kind of quiet that made your stomach twist.
The kind of quiet that made you hear your own heartbeat.
You slowly brought the cup up to your lips and took a sip of your tea. The boiling water burned your tongue instantly. It was a good distraction from your swirling thoughts.
Kathryn was adding another spoonful of sugar to her coffee. Maybe third, or fourth. Anything to occupy herself. Anything not to look at you.
Her lips parted as she took a quiet breath, but then they pressed together in a thin line. Her jaw was clenched tightly, her gaze was intense though not directed at you. It was like her mug was the most interesting thing in the room. More interesting than the tears slowly gathering in your eyes.
"I really care about you, Kathryn."
You finally said. Your voice came out as a mere whisper. You knew it would crack if you spoke louder. She'd hear how hurt you were.
"You know I care about you, too." She replied, still not daring to look up. "But...not in the way you want me to."
Your heart shattered into pieces at those words. You looked up at her and took a shaky breath before taking a few more sips of tea. If you didn't drink something, you'd start crying. But at the same time the warm liquid made you feel like you were about to throw up. And yet you kept drinking. And she still toyed with the little spoon in her hands.
"What do you mean?" You whispered, gripping the hot porcelain like you were about to drop it.
Kathryn took a deep breath and sat up a bit in her chair, straightening her back. Her brows were furrowed, her head was down. She looked like she had so many words just on the tip of her tongue. You hoped they would be kind and reassuring. You had no reason to. After all, she broke up with you. And yet you clung onto that hope. Clung to it for dear life. It was a sharp cliff and you were hanging off the edge with a white knuckled grip. But when she responded, you felt like you just fell to your death. Like she stomped on your fingers with all her might.
"I care about you as...as a dear friend."
A friend.
Do friends act like this? Do friends kiss? Do friends fuck each other? Was she just friendly when she said 'i love you'? When she said she wanted you to join her on Voyager? Was she just being friendly all this time?
Those were the questions that you wanted to ask. The questions you wanted to yell at her. But no words came out. You simply stared at her and she finally stared back.
Deep blue eyes bore into yours. They weren't filled with love anymore, not like they used to be. It was pity. Pure pity.
You swallowed thickly, then breathed out one simple word.
"Okay."
You brought the cup back up to your mouth and began to blow on it gently just to hide the way your lips curved downwards in the ugliest, most pained frown. Your eyes stung with unshed tears, with one blink your lashes were covered with little salty droplets. Your body was out of control.
Hands were shaky, stomach was churning, heart was beating so fast you felt like you had a heart attack.
And then her voice broke through the silence. Low, gravelly, holding just a pinch of emotion she couldn't fully conceal.
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay."
"I really didn't know it would end like this."
"I know."
"I realized it only two weeks ago."
"I understand."
"...do you want me to leave?"
"No."
And so you just sat there. Both silent. Both staring at anything but each other. Your tea was slowly growing colder, but you couldn't drink it anymore. Tears finally made their escape and rolled down your cheeks, but Kathryn didn't notice. Or maybe she did, but just didn't care. You knew it wasn't her job to care anymore.