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The day you'd fallen in love with him was filled with a beautiful, cloudless sunshine. The sun cast a luminous glow on the capital's market below as it bustled with life. That day had started off on a good note for you. Your father had just secured a life-changing deal with a nearby nation and encouraged you to go out and buy as many clothes and toys as you wanted. Even at your young age, you knew that wasn't the only reason your father was rejoicing. Whenever you were feeling bored, you would sit in dark corners and listen to the maids gossip. This time you'd found out your father had finally arranged a marriage for you.
"The son of a foreign duke…" He'd said in awe, ignoring the look you gave him as misery plagued your heart.
All your other siblings had left the house a long time ago, marrying into reasonable families and making names for themselves. And as the youngest child, you were your father's latest burden. As much as he tried not to make it known, it was evident in the way he treated you.
"My liege?!"
The sound of your maid's, Marie, panicked voice cut through your thoughts, and when you turned around to look for her, the torsos of several market men and women obscured your vision. It took ten minutes of wandering around before you had started panicking, an overwhelming sense of dread settling itself in your chest. The edges of your vision started to disfigure as your hands shook with increasing intensity. Would your father panic when he found out you were missing? Would he even care? Images of your father adopting another child to replace you flash through your mind as you cry harder, bile rising in your throat.
"Are you okay?"
A small boy with spiky red hair and sparkly teal eyes stares down at you, deadpan expression on his face despite the subtle worry laced in his words. A still silence envelops you both for a few minutes, your small sniffles cutting through every few seconds. The boy waits for a few more minutes before planting himself down on the street beside you, letting you cry until you finally calmed down. When you looked up at him again, he was waving a bright red lollipop in your face, insisting that you needed something to eat after all that crying.
The boy had saved you that day. Gently taking your hand and leading you through the market square until Marie had rushed up to you, relief and fear evident in her eyes. You had been rushed back home before you could ask the boy for his name, Marie insisting that you had to quickly go back and meet your new fiancé. That sentence had brought up something heavy in your chest, you didn't want to meet this "fiancé" anymore, you were more interested in the boy you'd met that morning, his calm demeanour stirring up feelings you couldn't quite place.
The dejection wracking through your body didn't fade away; Even as your maids had hurried around you, styling your hair and fixing your clothes, even when your father had demanded you smile and make a good impression. Your mood didn't change until you were met with those cool teal eyes again, closing lightly as the boy bowed and introduced himself as your husband-to-be.
Itoshi Sae.
"What are you thinking about?"
A soft hand on your cheek snaps you out of your reverie, and you look down to see Sae laying his head in your lap, worry written across his features. Ever since your engagement had been finalised that day, you'd formed a habit of reminiscing about the first time you'd met your precious fiancé. You flash him a soft smile and plant a kiss on his forehead, snickering when you notice the tip of his ears burning red.
"It's nothing, don't worry"
You can tell he doesn't believe you, but he lets it go and buries his head further into your lap, humming softly when you run a gentle hand through his hair. Both of you stay like that for a few minutes, savouring the tender silence hanging in the air. Moments like these were your favourites. Sae had been rigid the first few times he came to visit you, it always astounded you how a child your age could be so calm. And as he matured, he gradually softened and started indulging your every whim. He would bend down whenever you had flowers you wanted to put in his hair, sneak you out of your father's house whenever you wished, and smuggling in whatever sweets you craved.
Your hands fall back into your lap when Sae sits up, turning back to you with a conflicted look on his face.
"I have something important to ask you"
Shuffling closer to him, you take his hand in yours, promising you'll listen attentively and answer honestly. He squeezes your hand gently, before speaking up again.
"Do you think I'll make a good duke?"
"Of course you will!" Disbelief obvious in your voice as you rush to reassure him.
You watch Sae let out a soft chuckle, stroking the back of your hand before planting a gentle kiss on it.
"Well, I feel like you're saying that because you're biased" He laughs
He doesn't let you cut in, raising a hand to silence you before speaking again. Sae was used to being praised for his proficiency as the eldest brother; his swordsmanship skills, talents in battle strategies, and expert leadership made him the perfect candidate to take over the dukedom from his father. But he sits in front of you now, worried about his "lukewarm" abilities and what people would think of him.
"I've thought about it for a while now, and I need to be far better than I am currently. If I disappoint my father then he'll turn to my younger brother.. Rin is still young, he can't handle all of this. I'm thinking of travelling to another nation to learn and train more"
The revelation shocks and saddens you. As much as you want him to succeed, the thought of him being so far away from you cuts deep in your heart. You were supposed to be wed in a few months, would his travels force you to wait even longer? You feel Sae's hand reach out to brush a few stray tears from your cheek, already whispering soft reassurances to you.
"Come on, don't cry. I'll be back before you know it, and I'll send you letters whenever I can. No matter what."
The weeks before Sae had to leave were spent with both of you savouring each other's company. This was the only time your father refrained from scolding you, giving you permission to let Sae into your room, even if the two of you weren't married yet. Both of you spent every second with each other, lounging in the mansion's gardens, sharing light kisses when no one was looking, holding each other in the darkness of your chambers. He would even sleep over in your room sometimes, ready to face the scolding his father would give him when the morning came.
The day of his departure arrived sooner than you thought it would. Your attendants, usually lively and playful, shuffle around your room with a solemn silence, as if preparing you for a funeral. Sae's sendoff was just as brief as the time you'd spent with him, hugging him with the ferocity of a wife sending her husband off to war. When he finally pulls away, you press a small handkerchief into his hand. It was a beautifully delicate piece with shiny green stitching and gold lettering, your initials woven into a small corner. He pressed it close to his heart, promising again that he would contact you once he arrived safely, before riding off into the sunset.
Everyone, including your father, had left you alone that day as you sobbed into a pillow that still smelled like him.
The first letter he sent you felt like a lifeline. It came a week after he had left your house that day, carefully wrapped in a white envelope and thoughtfully written with the same calmness you were so in love with. Sae had settled properly in the kingdom he had set off to, and had managed to find someone to mentor him. That part of the letter only took up about a hundred words, the rest of it being musings about how he missed you, and how maybe he should've had your wedding first before he travelled. That made your heart soar.
You quickly crafted your own response, writing and rewriting sentences to create the perfect letter. Making sure your tone was soft and understanding, even on paper. You finished it off with the perfect curve on the last letter and a bit of perfume.
"I'll wait as long as it takes. We can get married when you come back"
The two of you kept exchanging letters over the next several months. Every time Marie would stroll into your room with that same letter on a silver tray, your heart would start throbbing in your ears, excitement obvious on your face as she would tease you. But without any warning or explanations, the letters stopped arriving at the same time. You would usually expect a letter at least once every 2 weeks, but now you were getting one letter each month, until it turned into twice every two months, and then once every time he remembered. At some point a whole three months had passed without a single word from Sae.
You spent those last months wallowing in your own sorrow, wondering if you had said something wrong. Writing a few letters to him first crossed your mind, but the fear of looking desperate settled deep in your chest like a brick of coal. Before you could make any rash decisions, your door slams open, your maid rushing into the room with an alarmed shout.
"My Liege! Sir Itoshi is back!"
It's been a week since Sae had come back and you'd spent the entire seven days running around your room like a headless chicken. All the clothes in your wardrobe are scattered around on the marble floor of your room. You can't find the perfect outfit. The one closest to you was too green, the one hanging off your bed was too tight around the chest and the outfit dangling from Marie's careful hands has too much gold on it.
To her credit, Marie had been very patient with you this past week. When you demanded new hair accessories because all your old ones were starting to rust, she'd been the first one to leave for a nearby boutique, and when you'd screamed at all your attendants to clean the house from top to bottom, she was the one who organised everything. Sighing softly, you let Marie gently massage your shoulders, reassuring you that your betrothed wouldn't care even if you walked into his house in a potato sack.
"But that's not the point.." You whine, slumping harder into your vanity chair. "He hasn't seen me in one whole year Marie, I want him to be star-struck when I walk in"
"And he will be." She moves to brush your hair now. "Not because you look good, but because you're his fiancée"
Your tender moment with Marie doesn't last long, a butler marching into your room with a worrying level of intensity, before hurriedly informing everyone in the room that you had company. Sae had come to see you first.
"He's waiting in the sitting room now"
Your attendants quickly rise to the occasion, rushing around you with a practised urgency. A few of them pick out suitable clothes and quickly push your body into them, as two others pick out accessories and style your hair. You don't get the chance to even look at yourself in the mirror before all of them are pushing you downstairs, leaving you in front of the sitting room doors. The firm white and gold wood stares back at your nervous face, the powder that was sitting coolly on your skin now coming off in waves. You place a hand on your chest, trying to calm your beating heart and push open the door, ready to confront your baseless fear.
His hair is a bit longer now, not by much, but you can count how many more strands are sticking up in his usual hairstyle. When he turns around, that's when you can tell the difference. Tired, sunken, heavy-lidded dark teal eyes stare back at you, the boyish charm in them completely gone. A white and green handkerchief neatly folded into his jacket pocket. You snap out of it at once when you realise you've been staring, and rush to hug Sae, excitedly wrapping your arms around his neck as you jump into his arms.
He doesn't return the hug, instead opting to gently pat your back. This immediately throws you off but you push the feeling aside and let enthusiasm take over again, pulling him back down into a nearby couch and spouting off as many questions as you can get out.
"How have you been?"
"Good."
…
"How was your training? Did it go the way you wanted it to?" You try again, still eager to get something from him.
"It was fine." He deadpans.
You're trying hard not to let the disappointment show on your face.
"…Oh! How's Rin? He must've been so excited to see you again!"
"He's doing well."
This is starting to upset you, but when you ask if he's okay, he immediately brushes you off and claims he's just tired. If you had just met him today then you would've probably believed that, but Sae has been your fiancé for seven years now. Even if he didn't show much emotion or say a lot, you knew him better than this, something was wrong. You keep pushing and he keeps lying, getting more and more irritated but you refuse to back down until he finally snaps.
"Just drop it." He actually looks at you now, indifference fading into annoyance. "You're giving me a headache with all your squealing.."
More than ten minutes of uncomfortable silence passes between you two before Sae decides to stand, clearly fed up and ready to leave. He turns back to you one more time before finally exiting the room, leaving you to stew in silence.
"I'll talk to your father about the wedding planning"
The next month passes in a blur of wedding binders and colour schemes. Only Marie and a close circle of your attendants seem excited to help you plan this, your father focusing on the financial aspect and your betrothed leaving all the finer details to you. You had only seen Sae twice since he'd come to your father to start the wedding preparations. One of those times had been for wedding outfit shopping.
"It looks good."
This was the fifth time he was saying that. Sae stands opposite you, leaning against a nearby couch in a stunning, black suit with silver chains across the front, and a dark basil sash going across his chest, and down his back in the form of a cape. A shimmering white dragon brooch holds the sash in place. Your handkerchief hanging from the pocket of his trousers. You'd picked the suit especially for him and your intuition was right, he looked amazing. But now that it was his turn to return the favour, he wasn't giving you what you wanted.
"What about this one? What do you think?" You spin around to show him every inch of your current outfit, it was a lighter version of the colour of his sash.
"It's nice. Just pick whatever you think looks good."
…
"Do you even want to marry me..?"
You watch as Sae's head snaps back to you, shock flashing across his features before he composes himself. He doesn't answer your question, but takes your chin in his hand, softly stroking your cheek with sympathy evident in his touch. You're about to speak again when he points to one of the previous outfits you'd tried, still hanging in the hands of one of your attendants. It was a dark, forest green outfit with gold lining and faux gold leaves hanging off the sleeves and collar, a small gold pendant nestled beneath the neckline, bright green emerald shining under the shop's light.
"I like how that one looked, made you look like an angel"
He plants a kiss on the side of your face and that had sealed the deal. You bought the garment immediately, skipping home with the excitement of a five year-old child. That day had restored your faith in him, the day he'd shouted at you already a forgotten memory in your mind. Maybe he was being so standoffish because he was getting cold feet, Lord knows you were probably even more nervous.
Your actual wedding day passed by like a breeze. Everything was perfect. From the flawless decorations, to the beautiful ceremony, and the reception had a simple elegance that made you even prouder of all the effort you put into this. Your father had even come up to you after the ceremony, a tear threatening to spill from his eyes as he gave you a stiff hug, wishing your marital life well. Apart from your vows, Sae had been silent the whole day. When he wasn't conversing with his father's business partners, he was calmly standing beside you, making sure your shoes didn't hurt too much and squeezing your hand with silent assurances. That was what got you through the day.
Your wedding night was a completely different situation. The maids of the Itoshi residence had taken over as soon as evening came, hurrying you into a scented bath and scrubbing until your skin felt raw, before slipping you into light, silk pyjamas and wishing you luck with teasing smirks and playful winks. Sitting nervously on the edge of your new bed, you fiddle with the hem of your garments as you glance around the room. The bed seemed big enough for three people and the doors looked sturdy enough to keep in any.. noises you didn't want getting out.
After a few minutes, you flop down on the sheets beneath you, ruining the hairstyle your new attendants had spent an hour styling. You apologised to them in your mind as you spread across the mattress, waiting patiently.
One hour passed.
Then two.
By the third hour, you were already on your way to Sae's office. You'd memorised the directions to it ever since the first time he'd brought you there, promising that when he'd marry you, this would be your office too and that you would be able to come in whenever you wanted. That promise felt fake to you now, prompting you to knock and wait for a response before you cautiously walk in. The sight of your husband bent over a high heap of documents right after his wedding day makes you sigh, he doesn't speak first but looks up at you briefly to let you know he's listening.
"Are you coming to bed soon? You shouldn't be up this late.."
He lets out a sigh of his own, dragging a hand down his face in a gesture that shows you how tired he is.
"I'm busy right now. Just go to sleep without me, I'll come meet you later"
You spend your wedding night laying in the cold sheets of your marital bed as the cotton seems to absorb your pain. A lot of your nights are spent like that, sometimes you would hear the maids express their sympathy for you through the door, and other times Sae would actually come to meet you, draping his arm across your chest but never actually touching you.
No matter how many times it happened, you never got used to how many events you had to follow Sae to. It kind of made sense, you were married to a duke and therefore shared his title as his companion, you had a duty to him and his dukedom to socialise and make beneficial alliances. This particular banquet was making that hard for you. Somehow, someway it had gotten out that you and Sae hadn't yet consummated your marriage, and now, rumours followed you all around the opulent ballroom. Whispers about you not being a suitable partner, and how that was evident with the fact that your husband had abandoned you the moment you'd settled yourself at a table with all the food and drinks.
You can't take it anymore when you hear someone suggest that you'd forced Sae to marry you, and maybe that's why he didn't want to be seen around you. Rushing to his side at speeds you didn't expect to reach with the tightness of your new outfit. Out of the corner of your eye you see him raise an eyebrow at you, before folding your arm into the crook of his elbow and going back to talking with a few merchants. You don't get to be comfortable for too long, the sound of the merchants bellowing in laughter snapping you back to reality.
"What a clingy partner! Maybe you should start leaving them in your bedroom Sir Itoshi"
"Come on dear, I'm sure you can live without your husband for one second" Another one jeers.
Tears threaten to spill from your eyes but you hold them back with the hope that Sae will cut in and defend you. The silence from your husband creates a sharp contrast against the mocking laughter of the men around you, and he doesn't move to stop you when you finally run out of the hall, tears staining the plush red carpet beneath you.
A soft knock at the door of the sitting room you're in makes hope rise in your chest again. Had your husband finally come to comfort you? But when a familiar head of slicked back, blond hair pops in through the door, your heart crashes back into your stomach, disappointed. Shidou Ryusei was your lover's right hand man, you'd met him the few times you were allowed into Sae's office. He was always cordial with you, making sure to keep you company every time your husband would make you wait for him.
You're not surprised that he's the one who came to console you.
Shidou spends the next few minutes cracking stupid jokes and telling you unnecessary gossip until your tears are turning into ones of laughter. He gives you a handkerchief to wipe your eyes and watches you with a quiet smile on his face before speaking up again.
"You know that idiot loves you, right?"
You let out a low chuckle, gently playing with the small cloth in your hands.
"He has a funny way of showing it.."
"That's true.." He leans back into the couch, twiddling his thumbs as he speaks. "But he's just bad at expressing himself, you know that. I mean.. he's the one who asked me to check up on you, he wouldn't do that if he didn't care about you"
"But he couldn't come himself.."
Shidou has nothing to say to that and shoots a sympathetic glance your way before letting your conversation fade into a calm silence. You know he's just trying to make you feel better, but it crosses your mind that he can't possibly know how you feel. Shidou's interactions with your husband end at work, how would he understand how lonely it feels to be treated the same as a maid by your own lover.
"..He hasn't touched me in months.." Your voice is breaking now. "Do you know how embarrassing that is..?"
Shidou doesn't look at you this time, muttering a soft apology and stretching over to rub your back. Another laugh escapes your lips. What was the point in him apologising? He wasn't the one you wanted to hear it from. He's kneeling in front of you now, a gentle hand on your knee as he's trying to reassure you that Sae was just busy, he didn't mean to embarrass you. A horrible thought pops up in your mind and before you can chastise yourself for even considering it, your lips are woven against Shidou's in a desperate kiss. He doesn't reciprocate, but he also doesn't make a move to stop you. You quickly wrap your arms around his neck when you finally separate the kiss, ignoring the pitying look you're sure he's giving you.
"Please.. I don't care if you do this just to placate me, I just need someone to hold me tonight.."
The next hour feels like an out of body experience, you're not fully there but you're certain Shidou carries you back to your room, asking if you're sure about this before gently peeling off your clothes. The act itself doesn't last long, guilt stabbing deeper into your heart with each sharp thrust. You didn't expect it to feel like this, but maybe that was because you weren't expecting to do it with anyone that wasn't your husband. You feel him wipe you down with a warm cloth afterwards, before wishing you a sound sleep and shutting the door of your marital room behind him.
Even if Shidou hadn't explicitly said it, he was right. Regret wracks through your body in waves, making you pull at your hair and bite your fingernails. Several maids had come in and out of your room, trying to find out what was wrong and dissuade you from pulling at every inch of your skin. They finally left you alone when you'd snapped at one of them, breaking a tea cup at the poor girl's feet as you screamed in her face. Things weren't supposed to go like this. You and Sae were in love, that was the only reason you had hope that your arranged marriage would be different. That's why you had hope that your marriage wouldn't turn out like your parent's.
The mention of your name makes you turn nervously towards the door, and Shidou's troubled face looks back at you. He's obviously avoiding your eyes, but not from the guilt of what happened yesterday. Something else has happened.
"Sae's looking for you.."
Everything snaps into place then.
"..You told him.."
Your voice comes out as a whisper but you're certain he still heard you, even if he pretends he didn't as he retreats back into the hallway. The two attendants in your room try to bring out a few outfits for you to choose from but you're already out the door, disregarding their panicked shouts as they try to catch up to you.
Your husband's office is cold and silent. When you first rushed in panting, strands of hair all over the place, he'd beckoned you to sit and wait. Anxiety wouldn't let you, and you insisted that you were better off standing. Sae had finished whatever he was working on a few minutes ago, and he'd sent Shidou out of the room under the guise of delivering some documents for him. It was just you and him now.
"Ryusei told me what happened yesterday.."
Even though his tone is completely flat, you feel like you can hear a bit of disappointment in his voice, hanging your head in shame as you try to suck in tears that are already threatening to spill. He's standing right in front of you now, arms crossed as he waits for you to respond. You have nothing to say in your defence, he had every right to be angry or disappointed. And even as you acknowledge that, a small part of you hopes he is angry. At least that would show he still cared for you. A heavy sigh drags you out of your thoughts and you jump when Sae places his hands on your shoulders.
"It's my fault, clearly I haven't kept you occupied enough."
…
Out of all the things he could've said. "I'm sorry for being a bad husband", "I'm sorry for neglecting your feelings".
"I'm sorry you felt so alone that you had to seek affection from someone else".
But no. He regrets not "keeping you occupied", as if you were a four year old child. The rest of Sae's short monologue goes in one ear and out the other, you think you hear him suggest getting you an animal, or hiring more maids to entertain you. He lists off different solutions like he's trying to fill an idea quota, and you only pay attention to what he's saying when he finally asks you something.
"If I give you a child, will you stop all this nonsense?"
The out of body feeling you'd felt the other day comes back, and you're very certain someone's taking control of your body as you nod, letting Sae pat your shoulder and dismiss you, claiming he'd take care of everything.
It felt like your life was finally turning around when your first son was in your arms. Your husband had gone out of his way to find a baby to adopt so you would get the experience of "raising a child from infancy". The offence you'd felt had melted away when the little one grabbed onto your finger, his tiny hand only being able to hold onto the end of your pointer finger. Sae had named him Akihiko, "bright prince" he said it meant. The name felt perfect, your son's toothless smile could light up a whole room.
Haruo came soon after. Aki had reached the age where he'd grown tired of playing with his maids, and spent all his time in your company, babbling about how nice it would be to have a sibling. His father hadn't wasted any time after that, coming back with a small, quiet boy who only liked being held by you, and hid behind your legs whenever he would meet someone new. Kichirou was your last and favourite son. You really didn't mean to show him preferential treatment, but there was something about him. He looked just like you. His bright, sparkly eyes reflected a colour your father used to admonish you for, and his beautiful, boyish smile was one you'd seen in the mirror everyday.
You and Sae had grown even further apart with the arrival of your children. He was more focused on training your sons to take over the dukedom while you were occupied with being a good parent. Your husband was a good father, you couldn't take that away from him. You just wished he would show you the same gentle looks he'd direct towards your children. The years passed by in a blur of scraped knees, clashing swords, and academy applications. The house became more quiet as your boys grew from loud babies into mature young adults. Life was peaceful now.
Until you noticed them one day as you changed into your nightwear. Bright red lesions running down the skin of your shoulder to your elbow. At first, you thought it was a rash, maybe you were reacting to something you'd eaten that day, but your health started getting worse each day. You started getting more and more tired very often, your legs would cramp when you did so little as getting up in bed, and your stomach would hurt for hours on end.
Shidou insisted on following you to a physician, and when he diagnosed you with a serious illness, a dread filled silence had hung over the room. The physician explained that the disease was typically found in poorer conditions like battle grounds and slums, but it was easy to catch when coming in contact with expired food and water. The man was fairly confident that you could combat this virus if you started treatment early, but you brushed him off, trying not to look at Shidou as he gawks at you, confused.
"You have to tell him."
You gaze out the window of your carriage, studying the couples laughing in the streets with an eerie sense of calm hanging over your head.
"Tell who?"
"Your husband." Shidou's fully turned towards you now, incredulous. "Weren't you listening to the physician? This is serious, you could die!"
"Maybe that's what I want…"
The carriage ride home remains completely silent, and when your boys rush to hug you as you get home, you stop them, claiming you're too tired to talk right now. Although you feel guilty about it, you don't break the news of your illness until you're certain it's too far gone. You don't know what's gotten into you; You can't seem to cry when your maids hold your hands and promise they'll stick with you through this, you don't cry when Marie comes to visit you, introducing you to her husband and child for the first and last time, none of your tears fall even as your children beg and weep, screaming that it's not too late for you to be saved.
A weird detachment has settled itself deep in your heart, and looking inwards, you can't seem to find any will to fight. From an outside perspective, your life was one of envy. You have a well-off husband and live in an exuberant mansion, you have three sons who are more capable and mature than their peers, you had "friends" that surrounded your days with tea parties and magnificent balls. It was okay to let things end here.
He didn't come to your room until you were at your weakest moment. Barely turning your head to see his sunken, red-rimmed eyes and dishevelled hair. Sae looked even worse than you did, and you were the one dying. His voice comes out as a broken whisper.
"..Is there nothing I can do to change your mind..?"
You sink deeper into the cotton of your mattress and can't help but think that he's too late. Had he asked you this question maybe two weeks, a month or even a year ago, you would've had a different answer for him, but now you just cough into your hand and stare at him, a solemn expression on your face.
"You really want to help me..?"
He's nodding frantically now, eyes wide in the most amount of expression you'd seen him exhibit in a while. You place your hand on his cheek, watching as he leans into your touch.
"Then give me my husband back."
Sae's sitting up now, shock written across his features, but you don't let him interrupt.
"I don't know what heartless monster you brought back with you on that trip but I'm tired of living the life I forced myself to create with it. Give. me. my. Sae. back."
Your ramblings dissolve into fitful coughs as your husband just stares at you, still in shock. Despite the insult, he doesn't leave your side that day, even as you take your final breaths in the late evening.
The funeral is a small ceremony. Your three sons stand closest to your grave and carefully plant beautiful, pale flowers on the dirt above your body as furious tears run down their faces. Life in the house swiftly becomes bleak without you. Akihiko is forced to take charge of the dukedom despite his lack of experience, if he wasn't slaving over financial documents then he was standing at the door of your room, begging his father to get up and do something.
Sae inhabits your marital chambers like a ghost haunting a grave site. His soft skin growing pale and gaunt as he refuses to eat or drink. No one can say anything to make him move, all the maids can do is wipe his body down with warm cloths and leave trays of food beside him in the hopes that he'll someday start eating. Sometimes when no one is looking, he'll stay beside your gravestone. Lying on the dirt no matter the weather or temperature, until someone finally remembers that he's sitting in the cold and escorts him back to your room. He doesn't last long either, soon falling sick and denying treatment with the same stubbornness you had shown in your final days. He stares into the canopy above his bed, whispering to an unknown person as his breath starts to grow ragged and his eyes start to close.
"Maybe you'll let me apologise in the afterlife, my love.."