Chapter Text
The shirt was what should have tipped Maya off that she was in for an utterly regrettable weekend.
A high school reunion of sorts hadn’t seemed like a bad idea at the time. It wasn’t like she hadn’t seen her friends in that long, anyway. She was finishing up her first semester of junior year of college while the rest of her friends were well into their senior year.
Maya had taken a gap year between high school and college for art reasons.
But it hadn’t seemed like a bad idea. Actually, she thought it wasn’t an idea worth her time at all, but Riley had insisted. And pestered. And prodded. And Maya had finally agreed.
The day in question was a Friday, with the official meet-up happening on Sunday in the lower ballroom of the hotel.
Riley had wanted to share a room with Maya, but she’d insisted she had a room to herself.
Zay had showed up at her room with the rest of the gang. Between him, Lucas, and Farkle there was approximately five crates of beer.
Looking even further back on it, that also should have tipped Maya off to this shitfest.
Zay had on a t-shirt that read PEOPLE CHANGE PEOPLE, BITCH!
Maya stepped back from the door to allow them to go by, passing a mocking look at Lucas in the process.
“Is it arm day, Huckleberry?”
He grunted as he set the cartons of beer on the ground, then turned to face her. “Maya,”
Maya held up her hands. “Alright, no need to give me an attitude, Friar.” She pivoted towards Zay, who she could only assume was the mastermind behind all this. “Soo, what is this? We gettin’ wasted or what?”
Zay held a hand to his chest in mock offense. “Maya, do you really think I’d have you get absolutely trashed without purpose?”
Maya bit her lip and titled her head. “That depends.”
Zay sighed like she had missed some grand concept, making the rest of his way into the room as he flipped on the television. “Well, if you must know…” he trailed off.
He fumbled with the remote and the TV guide as he flipped through different stations, finally landing on the History channel.
Maya looked to Riley, who was sitting innocently on the bed. She had her brows pulled together and frowned over at Maya. Maya gave her a one-shoulder shrug in response.
“Hey, when are we going to be done with this?” Farkle said from his seat on the floor in front of Riley.
Zay sighed, again, this time with annoyance. “Relax, Farkle, you’ll get back to that comfy bed of yours in no time.”
That was a lie.
“So,” Zay sat cross-legged on the floor in front of the TV. After casting a curious look at Lucas, Maya followed suit. “I came up with this great drinking game on the plane ride over here.”
Maya groaned as she stretched her hands out behind her. “Really? This is about a drinking game? With the History channel?”
Zay pointed at her. “But not just any drinking game. It’s called,” he held out his shirt, “People Change People, Bitch!”
Maya raised a brow before Zay conceded.
“Alright, so it doesn’t exactly match up with the game, but you catch my drift, don’t you?”
“I don’t think anyone’s catching anything, dude.” Lucas said.
Zay reached over a popped a beer. “Here’s how it works: we take a drink every time they mention an event Matthews related our lives back to in school.”
Maya slapped her knee and reached for a beer. “Well, count me in!”
Riley’s frown deepened. “Guys, are you sure this is a good idea?”
Maya was already getting a head start. “Relax, Riles. It’s not like your dad’s ever gonna find out. Besides, so what if he does?”
Maya tossed another beet to Lucas and Farkle. And when Riley was done picking at the tear in her jeans, tossed one to her.
Farkle pointed at the TV. “THE CIVIL WAR!” Then he paused, unsure as he glanced around the room. “We did that one, right?”
Maya laughed. “Does it matter?” She took a drink.
“The fucking Hoover Dam, man.”
Somewhere along the way, Riley had slid down from her perch on the bed and was relaxed against it. Lucas had made his way over to sit next to Maya.
The latter had happened sometime when the two were arguing over whether or not Matthews had taught the Dark Ages or not, two drinks in.
“I think I would have remembered that, Maya.”
“Why won’t you believe me? We one hundred percent did!”
Lucas had scooted over to sit in front of her. “Noooo,”
His breath had smelt like beer. And, okay, maybe he had already had more than two drinks.
“I cannot believe you don’t remember that, Heehaw.”
Lucas had smacked his lips. “Well, beliebe it, baby.”
Maya had crinkled her nose and burst out laughing so hard she’d fallen over. Lucas had risen to a kneeling position to look down at her, frowning.
“What?”
“I’ve never seen you so relaxed! This is like a whole new Lucas!”
He’d deepened his frown as Maya sat back up and he plopped back down next to her. “You’re a whole new Lucas.”
“And you’re really drunk.” She’d swiped his beer from him and finished what was left in the can.
“Oh, God.” Maya groaned. She was much better at holding her own than the rest of them were faring.
Lucas continued to drink, Zay could barely sit without toppling over, and Farkle was passed out. The only one doing as good as Maya was Riley, which was suspicious.
Lucas leaned back on his hand, taking a gracious sip of beer. “Psssh. ‘member when Mat’s Hues compared our lub life to a dam?”
“Yeah,” Maya said to Lucas like he was two-years old. “I think that’s what Zay was referring to.”
Lucas blinked at her several times before finally focusing on her. “WOW, okay.”
Maya tossed her hair back. “Remember that stupid love triangle we had?”
“Y’all,” Zay held out a hand. “That whole sitch was too damn much for my little teen heart.”
Maya doubled over again in laughter. “You’re tellin’ me!”
“Remember when Maya liked Lucas?”
Maya whipped her head to glare at Riley. She was sitting perfectly straight next to Farkle’s slouched form, a way-too-giddy smile plastered on her face.
Maya raised a brow. “You been drinking anything, honey?”
She turned her grin on Maya. “I’m not even half-drunk yet.”
For some reason, this made her comment that much more harmful to Maya. Maya shook her head, trying to clear it from her memory. She probably didn’t mean it. Half-drunk for Riley was full-on drunk Lucas.
“Well,” Zay put his hand on his hip and attempted a look of defiance. “You best get it full way.” He grabbed a beer and hurled it, but his perception was off and it landed somewhere near the door. Maya sighed and tossed another to Riley.
Maya was feeling a lot more drunk. So much so that she was lying on her back to hide how hard it was getting to sit upright.
By then, they had kind of stopped watching the History channel, only listening to it in bits and pieces, screaming out things like “WORD WAR WHATEVER” when they heard it.
“’member when Matthews compared a US tragedy to a girl movin’ in on Lucas?” Maya twirled a piece of her hair.
“That was so crazy!” Lucas said from beside her.
“’member when I thought I was gonna learn ‘bout Belgium, but ended up learning the secret of life?” Zay added.
“That was so crazy!”
“Hey, wait wait wait wait wait. You know, how come Matthews didn’t compare the Trojan Horse to Trojan Condoms?” Maya said.
“That was so—wait, that’s genius!”
“That’s why I said it, Lucas!”
“But that was so crazy!”
“Remember that lesson on the American Revolution?” Riley said quietly from her corner.
“That was so crazy!”
That’s when Lucas started full-on laughing. Maya noted how he sounded a bit like a middle-aged man laughing when he was drunk. The thought made one corner of her mouth lift.
It got to the point that Maya joined in on the laughing, not because of what Riley had said, but because of the sound of Lucas’ laughter. Then, it got to the point where Maya was pretty sure he was no longer laughing at Riley either, but himself and the whole situation.
He fell back on the floor next to Maya, rolling over so close to her his face was practically in her hair. Maya was too drunk to really notice or react and kept right on laughing. Besides, the alcohol was slowing her blood, right? Even still, her blood definitely would not start pounding.
Lucas stopped laughing and in between heaving breaths said directly in her ear, a little too loud, “I remember the Dark Ages, by the way.”
Maya stopped laughing and glared over at him. “What?”
He started laughing again and twirled his hand in the air. “I ‘member that lesson! It was revolved ‘round you, ‘member?”
Maya let out a laugh, but it more forced this time. She tried to make sense of his words, but it was like reading something in a dream. She couldn’t quite connect her thoughts because her brain kept jumbling them again. Maya was actually considering drinking some water to sober up when Zay’s voice interrupted her reverie.
“WAIT—” he said so loudly that Maya and Lucas both jumped before sitting back up and Farkle snorted as he woke back up. His eyes were focused intently on Lucas and Maya. “I’ve got an idea.”
Maya really should have had that water.
The influx of light from the hotel window told Maya she had overslept. Typical.
That’s when she felt it. Her head was pounding and she had the first thought to throw up. But she didn’t.
She groaned as she tried pulling the covers of her blanket back over her head, remembering the events from the previous night. That was when a hand that was not her own came up and hit her in the face.
Maya scrambled to sit up as she took in the scene. Lucas. Handcuffed. To her. She snatched her pillow and bit into it to stop her scream.
She did not remember this event from before.
Tearing the pillow from her face, she used it to hit Lucas. Repeatedly. After five hits, he finally jerked awake.
“What? Sorry, I overslept.”
“LUCAS!” she screamed, to which he sat up at, still blinking open his eyes.
“Whatare—” his eyes caught on the handcuffs. His green eyes focused on her before looking back at their linked wrists, then back to her raised brows. “Wait, did we…?”
Lucas looked down at his bare chest and boxers.
“Do you normally sleep in that?” Maya asked.
He nodded.
“Really?”
“Yes, Maya!”
She wrinkled her nose. “Gross,” she took in her t-shirt and sweats, letting out a sigh of relief. “Well, I don’t think so.”
Lucas still looked skeptical. “How can you be sure?”
Maya gave him a look before biting her lip and scooching her butt from side to side.
Lucas knit his brows. “What are you doing?”
“Well, can’t you feel when you’ve done it?”
“Feel—I don’t know!”
Maya stopped what she was doing. “Good news, Ranger Rick. I don’t think I took your virginity.”
“I’m not a—”
“Shit,”
“Shit? I thought you knew. Riley and I—”
“No, Huckleberry, shit,” she held out her left hand to Lucas. He looked at her questionably before looking down at the ring on her ring finger.
“Shit,” Lucas repeated, looking at the matching ring on his finger.
“I think we’ve got bigger issues now, Friar.”
Lucas looked at her, his eyes gone wide and frightened. “What are we—how are we going to—the reunion, Maya!”
Maya squeezed her eyes shut. “I know, I know. But we’ll fix this. Trust me, I hate being married to you as much as you do.”
He ran a hand through his hair. “Oh my god we’re married!”
Maya opened her eyes. “This ain’t gonna look nice to your Mama, huh?”
Lucas stopped combing his hair and glared at her. “Maya!”
“God, you’re right, you’re right. No one will find out about this.”
They both positioned themselves so they were kneeling in front of one another, their linked wrists between them.
Maya took a deep breath. “But first thing’s first.”
Lucas raised a brow as if to say “What?”
Maya widened her eyes and made a wheeling motion with her free hand. “C’mon, Huckeberry! What’re you waiting for? Unlock them!”
“I don’t know how, Maya!”
Maya stumbled slightly as she burped with her mouth closed. She shut her eyes, covering her mouth with her hand before holding up her index finger. “Hold on. Are you saying you didn’t train to be a police officer right after high school?
“What the fuck, Maya? Where did you get that idea?”
Maya shrugged. “I figured with arms like that combined with an innocent face like yours it was the best option for you.”
Lucas threw back his head and rolled his eyes.
“Aww,” Maya said.
“What?”
“We’re having our first fight as a married couple. How about that, Hop-along?”
“Maya!”
Maya groaned. “I don’t know what we’re gonna do!”
As if to answer, a knock came from their door. Maya rushed over to the door, pulling Lucas along behind her.
Riley was at the door with her first still raised. Maya raised her and Lucas’ hands as if in greeting. Lucas’ chained hand gave a meek wave.
Riley burst in without a word, pacing in front of the television. Then, as if remembering something, she reached into her pocket with a key and unlocked the handcuffs.
“Ugh, thank God!” Maya rubbed her wrist in relief. Just as quickly as the relief came, however, her worry was back, and this time she turned it on Riley. “Riley, do you remember what happened? I know you weren’t really that drunk last night.”
Riley pointed at Maya. “But I was!”
“Okay?”
“Just…remember that.”
“Riley,” Maya took a step towards her best friend. “What happened?”
Lucas looked frantically between the two.
Riley cringed away, squeezing her eyes shut when she sat on the edge of Maya’s (and Lucas’, apparently. In holy matrimony and all that shit) bed, her back rigid.
“Okay, from the beginning. We all got super drunk—”
“I remember that, Riles.”
“Right. So, we agreed that you guys should get married in a Vegas style wedding. Because apparently they offer that here in New York. So, you guys got married and Zay thought it would be funny if you woke up handcuffed together and here we are.” As if it was important, she added, “Zay trusted me with the key.”
Maya took a deep breath and began pacing the room. “Wait—why did you guys want us to get married.”
Riley shrugged. “I don’t remember. It seemed like a good idea at the time.”
“Okay,” Maya let out a long breath of air. “Okay, we can fix this. You know what? No one even has to know at the reunion.” She stopped pacing to slip off her ring and made a big show of tossing it on her bed. “There. No one even has to know we’re married.”
“Yeah!” Lucas yelled, a little too enthusiastically. “Then we can work out the divorce on Monday.”
“Exactly.”
Riley let out a small whine from the bed, already cringing slightly. “Uh, yeah. About that.”
“Riles,” Maya said slowly. “What did you do?”
“I may have made several announcements on all my social media platforms and sent out several texts and phone calls announcing your marriage.”
“’May have?’”
Riley slid her phone out of her pocket and showed Maya the lock screen, where texts were still flooding in telling Riley to tell Lucas and Maya congratulations.
Maya ran a hand down her face before fetching the discarded ring from the covers, slipping it back on before flopping down on the bed with her face buried in a pillow. She heard Riley mumble an apology.
She felt a hand rest against the back of her shoulder and she briefly peeked up to see it was Lucas.
“I’m really sorry about this, Maya.”
“Don’t apologize, Huckleberry. This isn’t your fault.” She looked down at his hand still on her shoulder and frowned. She really shouldn’t have thought it looked nice, but she did. Lucas misread her look and quickly withdrew his hand.
Riley stood up, wringing her hands. “I’m pretty sure everyone going to the reunion knows. Most of them are staying here and they’ve been trying to drop off gifts all morning. I’ve been monitoring and hoarding them all in my room.”
“Wait,” Maya quickly sat up. “Are you telling me you’ve been helping me out with my accidental marriage when I didn’t ask you to?”
“It’s just—I felt so bad and—”
“Oh, Riles!” Maya walked on her knees down her bed and threw her arms around her friend. She was being a little overly emotional about this, but it was granted. “This is just like I’ve always imagined.”
“Really?” Lucas said.
Maya ignored him, burying her face in the crook of Riley’s neck. “But, seriously,” she murmured, “I’m keeping all the gifts once this thing clears up.”
Riley sobbed. “Someone got you a toaster.”
Maya could cry. If there was one good thing this whole fiasco had brought it was that toaster.
“Okay,” Maya detached herself from Riley. “So, what do we do now?”
“There’s no point in lying. Just pretend for the weekend.”
“Pretend? I don’t want to pretend to be married to Heehaw!” Maya pointed a finger back at the man in question.
“Well, Maya, you actually are married to him. So.” Riley said, logically.
“Yeah, well, Riley, don’t you think they’ll be suspicious at the reunion? Won’t they think it’s strange there was so sign of us dating before then BOOM. Married.” Lucas added.
“Boom. Married. I like that.” Maya said, to which Lucas sighed at.
“I don’t think so.” Riley said. “I mean, you haven’t seen any of them since high school, so we’ll all play it off like you guys did start dating after high school.” Riley said.
“And we just didn’t happen to invite any of them to the ceremony?”
“It was a small, formal event. Family-room only.”
“Wow, Riles, you’ve really thought this over.”
“I haven’t slept all night!” She turned big, brown eyes on Maya, which she couldn’t resist, reaching out for another hug.
“Oh my God,” Lucas groaned from where he was sitting on the other end of the bed. “We’re really doing this, huh?”
Maya made her way over to him. “That’s right, honey.”
He gazed up at her, his brows pulled together. “I’m not sure I like that new nickname.”
He gave her such a look that Maya was tempted to bend down and kiss him on the cheek. But she figured she should probably save that for when they were in front of other people. If she did it now, she’d have some explaining to do.
“Get used to it.” She opted for instead. Then, thinking of something, she spun back to Riley. “Wait a minute, whose idea was the whole marriage thing anyway?”
“Oh, it was Zay’s.”
Zay. Of course.