Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

GOD I HATE SWEET VALLEY

Why though, y' may ask? Well THAT is because it's exactly what you think it is... Stuck up barb princesses from south of the border, (lila) eyesores who thought they were too good for directions in the womb, (julie)...

and those twins.

they piss me off for no apparent reason. They are the spark to my fuse. They are the chamber to my gun. Not only that, the sad part is that one of them didn't even do anything to me. It's sad that she has to get dragged along with none other than the big and mighty-

Jessica Wakefield?

here!

Elizabeth Wakefield?

Here.

the names went on as fast as the day. elizabeth and jessica were both twin sisters. despite this, they both have totally different lives.

jessica's in a club called the unicorn club, a club who goes and gossip about the latest rumors.

elizabeth goes to sit where she usually sits, over with amy and julie, her friends.

hey liz.

h3y 1iz!

Hey! Has anyone seen that new student? The goth?

d0 y0u m3an mangan3z3? y3ah, i zti11 d0nt kn0w if th3ir a gir1 0r a b0y.. w3'r3 juzt g0nna hav3 t0 find 0ut.

let's just hope she doesnt get sucked in to the unicorns and end up becoming a bully, if she already isn't one.

i m3annn zh3 d03zn't z33m 1ik3 0n3! wat mak3z y0u thnk zh3'z a bu11y?

she's pretty, her nails are long and sharp, she has a lot of makeup, and she's wearing jewelry, thats like the layout for a unicorn club member! well except ellen. but you get what i mean? it's not that i don't trust her, it's that i dont trust her layout for the next year.

...f4ir.

speaking of the unicorns, they can be seen unloading and setting up shaw a tile and a half away.

sorry, i cant host, my dad's busier than an american eagle store in salt lake city. i heard that lemen got a property, why not ask him?

i'm not sitting on that dirty floor.... unless he gives proof that the floor is virtuously clean, im not into it.

SALUTATIONS, FINE HUZZ.

oh, hey hammie!💜💜💜

GDAY... HAVE ANY OF YOU SEEN THE NEW GIRL? I'M PRETTY SURE LEMEN IS WITH HER.

yuck, her? she looks like you're gonna have to wheel your left arm for a peck on the cheek. i wont be suprised when lemen is found brown breaded in the angeles river.

"lemen" and "dead" in the same sentence? kimberly now u know damn well-

yeah, you're right.'

sup NERDS!!!! have you seen th... julie.?

OVA THEIR... I THINK.

julie notices bruce approaching their table and shrivels up like a raisin.

0h mai fkn g0d bruh..

what is it ju- oh. this guy....

sup NERDS!!!! even though i already said that. so whats poppin?

n0thing.... an y0u?

oh, nuthin..... just thinkin about how STUPID you look!!"

it's pretty obvious that bruce is tryna ragebait julie because he likes seeing her pissed. she didn't fall for it, but someone else did..

says the guy who-

chi11. i g0t thiz. it'z bruc3.

julie looks at bruce in a sort of seductive way.

y w0u1d y0u zay tht t0 m3.... whi13 w3aring a.... zhr3k zhirt? if y0u'r3 g0nna inzu1t z0m30n3, 100k 1ik3 th3 pr3zid3nt 0r an imp0rtant p3rz0n z0m3thing. un13zz tht 'z t00 f0rma1 f0r y0u.

this isn't fuk'n cambridge! i never said anything about anee-thing formal!

im juzt zayinnnnn... mak3 y0urz31f kn0wn. mak3 p30p13 r3zp3ct y0u. 100k at m3, i 100k 1ik3 2007 c010riz3d an i d0nt rag3bai-

YOU ARE DOING IT RIGHT NOW.

ammmmm iiiiiiii?

....

ugh.... one of these days....

bruce is now as red as lake natron. this is exaclty what julie wants... she's enjoying this in a flirtatious way.

HOLD ON. a moment where julie porter and bruce patman actually.... connect? i mean, i wouldn't see this as connecting, but hey.

h3h3h3hhu3hu3hu3hu3h....

....julie?

she's proved her point... you can leave now.

you... just wait till next time.

bruce walks to put away his trash with a somewhat bruised pride, and somewhat of a confused outlook on the final moments of his attemped ragebait.

Wow. Julie Porter, my best friend, just saw big bad Bruce Patman down on his butt!

hh....hhhh.....hhhhhh....

...julie? you good?

hhhhnnnyyy3ah! a11 g00d! 13t'z g0 inzi-OUTSIDE.

and they do just that. nothing interesting happened outside... except the fact that julie talked more stiff and mistimed than usual. speaking of mistimed... where's ken and nora?

this is really dirty, lemen....

NONSENSE! it just needs some... tidying up.

lemen misty vermillion arms can be seen reaching for the dustpan.

uhhh....l-lemen? I dont think a simple dustpan is gonna be useful for all of-

STOP SAYING I CANT DO THINGS! I CAN HANDLE THIS MYSELF.

OKAYOKAYokay.

nora doesn't like when people get onto her. especially since the halloween incident.

lemen actually turns out to be copying the dustpans cells to turn it into a bigger one, one that has a good chance of just getting the job done, and not folding ken and nora in two.

uhhhhhlook on the brightside! it's a two-story house in sunny la with 5 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms!

yeah... that'd be good.

i saw your manor. it's kinda like yours!

is.... that a good thing?

of course it is! i'm not a haunted house guy, but i like the design.

...thanks.... i-

BAMING! a bell can be heard from ken's backpack. it's a notification on the new west u.s state based site, mesa.com.

oop- is this rick or elizabeth?

it ended up being elizabeth. her mesa.com handle is "IsabellaWakefield". ken's handle is "mygloriouskinglebron".

IsabellaWakefield: Hey Ken! You here?

mygloriouskinglebron: yeah, im at lemen's house with nora

IsabellaWakefield: Lemen finally got a house???

mygloriouskinglebron: you didnt know? even nora knew.

IsabellaWakefield: Well now I do. At least Lemen got a house.....

mygloriouskinglebron: it isn't in good shape.... we're helping him set it up. it might take long, he wants it to look perfect.

but then suddenly, rick joins the chat. his handle is "perfectcelluar".

perfectcelluar: did someone say..... perfect?

rick? what is he-

ken's phone dies shortly after asking that question to himself. nora looms over him, obviously taller. she's taken in by the strange discord like website, and starts asking questions.

was that discord?

no, mesa.com, a new website like discord, but with stronger security, so no weirdos try to do anything.

i don't trust it. especially considering that it heavily guarded.... just want an excuse to surveil people.

lemen is almost done sweeping up the house. but he wants to feel included..... by giving ken and nora dustpans and tasking them to clean up small parts of the house.

do you want us to clean? why did you give up these dustpans?

no actually, they turn into swords! come now, let us fight the birthchild of goku, gojo, and saitOF COURSE I WANT YOU TO CLEAN.

where do we start though?

uhhh there are corners im too FAT to reach. be good little angelenos and uhhhhh clean up those spots.

and so they did. nothing much was said, they didn't really see this as a competition. they sweeped the narrow bathroom, the weird growths behind the trashcan, and the shower rooms.

hey nora... what was that thing with you and brooke?

ah, don't worry about it. nothing important.

(thinking to self) nora and brooke were all close to eachother. a lil too close.... eh. she's probably right. their both unicorn victims from what i recall.

stuff you'd expect to happen happens;lemen pays them for it! a sold $2.10 and... $5 in canadian dollars for ken? who cares? its MONEY😛😛😛😛😛 despite this, they pack their stuff, and head home, wondering about the future.

while this was going on....

OVER AT LILA'S HUGE, GIGANTIC, BEVERLY HILL, DISCORD MOD HOUSE:

o-M-G, she's, like, *actually* from greece? that's, like, where all those hot greek god statues come from, right? i wonder if she knows any cute guys with that aesthetic?

girl.... i'm more of a roman god type of girl....

you said girl twice, lil-NOBODY GAF

first of all WHAT is an aesthethic?

you seriously don't know what aesthetic is? it's like, totally the vibe of everything, right? like, is it giving cute makeup tutorial, skincare routine, or charming boy? ya know?

why the hell are you speaking like that.

this bubble gum i got from costco...

she wasnt lying. she picked up and unfurled the was-crinkled wrapper and revealed it says OBAMBULATIONINYOKKASUKE GUM: SPARKS AS EYEDROPS

is that from japan?

yeah, specifically.... sen.....day?

sendai?

YOU'RE THE FIRST PERSON I EXPECTED TO GET IT RIGHT..

is that a compliment?

NAH.. WELL IT'S NOT A ROAST EITHER....

it's better than a roa-why do people call it roasts still?

what else do you want them to call it?

fry, sautee, cook, bar... just some suggestions.

you.... aren't wrong.

CAN WE GO BACK TO THE ORIGINAL ISSUE?

what original issue is there?

OH, RIGHT. I DIDN'T MENTION IT YET, BUT STILL....

hammie reveals a trinket that looks a little like a skannerz commanderz mixed with a sony mylo. it goes by the name KIDSD73 by a company named BLACKDENIMTIE headquarted in blackpool, england.

RICK GAVE IT TO ME DURING 4TH HOUR. HE SAID THAT HE FOUND IT IN A WALL STORE IN BURBANK.

of course.

wait... that's the same company as me and jessica's watches!

they can be seen with watches labeled as MACHINA287 and MACHINA867.

wait, maybe you can connect it in some way! amy's smart she has glasses!

i'm smart, but not atom eve sma-.

all of a sudden, both watches change form a blue and pink color to a sickly gray color. the screens go blindingly white, and the time swtiches from 10:23 and 22:23 to 8247294 and 76, flashing like strobes alongside the outer shell.

WHAT????

AHHH WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DOOOO????

YOU MEAN WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO????

THROW THEM! THROW THEM!

and so they do. however, the kidsd slips-no, flings out of hammie's hands out of genuine concern for the two girls, and ends up soaring in a semicircular motion, colliding with the blue machina. smoke flies from both devices, covering the entire square foot with non-lethal ash.

but wait! something appears to be coming out of the smoke! who is it you may ask? well! it's none other than good ol....

MANGANESE?????

hey everyone.....

Chapter Text

... AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE???

it's a long story, i'm just as confused as you lot.

she had brown skin, curly hair, and a thick uk accent that sounded something like a mix between brummie and west country. it isn't cockney like kimberly's.

of course she's british, where are you even from?

peterborough. why?

oh i didn't think you actually answer-

manganese donned a large fur sweater that said "THE CRIPPLER" along with baggy shorts with fur at the bottom, tactical black kneepads. black and gray fur leg warmers with belts added to them, and platform shoes, specifally rock women's black boots. she also donned a spiked choke, and a large tactical backpack that had a ASALT 96 strapped to it. she also carried a tactial helmet with cameras and a microphone to it.

and why do you look like you're about to go to war in tajikistan?

VERY long story with some lemming i met behind a corner shop called seven-eleven. i thought the numpty wanted to sell me some charlie, but i think he was just some ace wanting me for his mission.

...what?

my go- i thought a lemming wanted to sell me drugs, but apparently he saw "potential in me."

....lemen?

lemming in norwegian?

that the FIRST thing i expected lemen to do. getting behind gas stations n' getting random people for his crappy quests.... where are they even going? oakland?

yerevan and some place called qiodophura......

what?

you don't know? that one place that you had to go pick up stones from 6 certain plots in the world and take it to sweet valley?

OF COURSE YOU KNOW THAT.

what are those certain countries though?

azerbaijan, estonia, paraguay, angola, indonesia, and brazil..... at least that what i believe.

manganese is visibly worried. no one truly blames her. would there be any sort of transportation or a portal, knowing how much planes would cost? would they be forced to walk? what would the girls parent's think? will this somehow save the world or doom it? som many unanswered questions.

i say we hire some pedophiles from each of the countries and have THEM do our dirty work...... and them get them arrested! two birds with one stone! AND street cred! AND possibly more unicorn club members!

9 times out of 10, only one fourth of them are actually getting thrown in jail.

suggest anything else, gojo?

get this, we take pictures of the plots from tyler oliveira videos, get lem'n to TRICK the thing letting us where we need to go to into letting us in with the plots halfway done, and it's smooth, smooth, sailing from there!

..... what the hell makes you think that a living doorway to a pangean country in another world is gonna get tricked by something like that?

quote on quote "there's always a first time for everything." end quote. don't know who it's from.

THE 1800S. AND A GOOD CAKE SLICE OF THE 1970S, I THINK.

of course you're the one to know that.

can we get onto the original issue here please? managanese, why are you ev

lila wanted to get down to the gist of this. what is OBAMBULATIONINYOKKASUKE GUM? what does BLACKDENIMTIE just make? those answers would have to wait, however, they had something else bigger on their hands.....

manganese? where the hell did she go?

fresh air....... eheheheheheheheheh3hfuifj023f3hi3fhh3foh yeah she went out of the window.

HUH?

that window opens?

gonna write that down?

maybe, i don't know.

manganese had jumped out of the window! lifted it up and leaped, right then and there! knowing manganese is a normal person(hopefully), she couldn't've landed without a cushioning pad or something like that... or did she..... they had to check! lila, janet, and jessica all looked out the window to see.....

lemen. lemen aiding manganese on her way down. nothing ever happens.

oh my god bruh😭😭😭😭😭

WHAT IS LEMEN DOING HERE? ISN'T HE SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING ON HIS NEW HOUSE OR SUMTHIN??

exactly???? im boutta find out hol on.

jess, what ar u-

jessica grabs ellen, ellen stiffens up like a harpoon. like a harpoon because of the fact that her suspenders on her overalls can be used as harpoon arrows. patent pending hammie rex.

when could she do that?

i kid you not janet, killua over here thought harpoonizers meant she be able to catch fish and eat them, her overalls can work like taht now, out of her command. anyone but her, i think thats how it works.

woah. i should try that out.

ellen's suspenders lock onto the window pane, as jessica leaps over it, still grasping ellen. when she gets out the window, she spots lemen piggybacking manganese to a portal, most likely to his estate. no chance in hell will jessica let him get away! not lemen!

I WONT LET YOU HOUSE A BRITISH PERSON LEMEEEEEENNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!

jessi-AGH!

jessica tackles lemen samoan style as the both tumble in the grass, jessica, however forgot that lemen can multitask his vermillion mist.... he uses this to his advantage as he chucks manganese to the portal they share one last "alrighty" look before he closes it and sucks himself in along with it....

......

DAMN IT!

bruh.

FUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKK

son.

there goes mah weekend......

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

...much to everyone's dismay.

what.....are t-they gogign to..... what are they planning?

I dunno. I don't exactly trust Lemen either, but they could just be planning for now! Don't worry, Jess!

i was RIGHT THERE LIZ. SO CLOSE I COULD FEEL IT WITH MY COOCH.

WOah, now! 😅

sorry, it's just...... what was lemen doing? why did he have to take her away? i had a good question in the back of my mind. will that ever be answered?

Hope so. I should ask her when I get the chance to. What even happened there?

it's a long story.....

and right she was. the day after the somewhat-incident, jessica was telling elizabeth everything on their way to school.

You seem like the type of person to tell me that.

no no it's just..... do you know who manganese is?

The british new girl. Why?

YOU KNEW SHE WAS BRITISH BEFORE I DID???

Everyone knew. Even Rick knew!

u need to start TELLING ME STUFF!!!!

Sorry that you didn't approach!!

ugh.... you drive me crazy, you know that?

31izab3th!!!>.< w3'v3 b33n waiting f0r u!!!! oh, hey liz! hi!

Hi guys! Jessica, Where's the Unicorn Club?

must already be in school. lemme check.

the club can be seen huddled up, brainstorming what to do with the whole lemen-manganese situation and complaing about it. they're mostly complaining. ellens the first to talk.

didnt he have a property in compilation or whatever? the place where kendrick lives?

compton? yeah. BUT, it's really sketchy over there. considering that lemen has those mist powers and can conjure a literal portal, i think he can fend for himself. what should we do?

can III suggest ideas?

sure, mary..... do you even know what we were talking about

no... it looked interesting though!

do you know who lemen is? the lemming with the mist powers? and the new manganese girl

there no such country as mang- ooooohh the new girl.

yeah! we think they're plotting something. she showd up in tactical gear and was talking about the secret continent we told you about in the last meeting, but before she got a true chance to explain, he just.... snatched her!

hm.... considering that lemens are territorial and defiant, and the mist thing enhanced his brain energy like algernon, manganese is probably really important to getting to whatever's in qiodophura. like a key or something. will other people near us try to use her as a key to get into whatever in their? riches? power? idk.

fair. it seems like she is a key. but why did lemen think we'd want to steal her like an object?

ugh, that's something i'd say! how dangerous is qiodophura for us to not let in??

questions filled the hitbox. why would lemen snatch manganese? was he trying to protect them from something? or was he just a greedy bum who wanted the secrets all to himself(and manganese if it comes down to it)?

Wow, they aren't gossiping about rumors or other people for once?

it muzt b3 z3ri0uz! i'v3 n3v3r z33n th3m thiz n0t-c0nfid3nt b3f0r3! wat c0u1d it b3 th0ugh?

that's what i've been tryna say!

J3ZUZ! bruc3, d0nt zcar3 m3 1ik3 tht , dummy!

well HOW ELSE was i supposed to get in????

th3 fu- TAP M3 0N TH3 ZH0U1D3R MAYB3??? 0R CA11 MAI NAM3. 0R G3T THIZ-

julie, he's not worth it.

ugh, why do cringe kids get so defensive when you act them basic questions? oh well, i'll tell you more later... babe.

hjtg9tn3jkrwj03krwnifiwwirnwjriwr i hat3 him.

Why is he so damn attention seeking? Is there a defect in his brain that causes him to do that? Now that I think about it, why are you dating him in t-

julie gives elizabeth a sharp look before going to class. amy and elizabeth look at eachother melancholically before pursuing julie in a non-catching way, in a sort of pitful way. this is a toxic relationship. not only that, end doesn't look nigh anytime soon......

it wont kill you to let me criticize your house. emphasis on the criticize; im not really making fun of it, it just needs work.

god FORBID a lemming owns property...

NO, THERE'S A DIFFERENCE... TELL ME ABOUT IT.

brooke finds out about lemen's estate in the hallways. of course, she horns in on him knowing she wants to be a real estate agent when she grows up.

i can't necessarily say its horrible, but it isn't the best house i've ever seen. it's cramped.

and? you know i have conjuring powers, right? just move all the stuff out of the way!! it's not like i'm housing anyone else!

hammie tries to speak. but knowing how sacred this manganese girl could be, he irresolutes.

im not trying to argue with a rodent who probably has a credit score of 420. can we just talk about what your house needs to be a good one?

WHO CARES IF IT'S GOOD OR NOT??? IT'S A HOUSE! THATS A MILESTONE!!!

just tryna he-

UHH LEMEN? DO YOU KNOW WHAT BLACK MOLD IS? IF YOU DON'T TAKE CARE OF IT, IT CAN POLLUTE THE AIR AND KILL YOU. I'M WITH YOU ON GETTING A HOUSE, BUT ERMMM....PLEASE TAKE CARE OF IT.

I- ugh, fine. that doesn't mean that im gonna turn into some perfect hgtv house though.

RESPECTABLE.

lemen trots away while scouting around the halls like madara, as if he's avoiding someone. brooke and hammie share a quick "could've gotten worse" glance before going to class and to the bathroom, respectively. wonder what lemen's looking out for?

so this is how i find out that rodent has a house.

ur juzt n0w finding 0ut ab0ut it???

sorry that no one tells me about these things!!!

ʸ⁰ᵘ ᶻʰ⁰ᵘ¹ᵈ ᵇ³...

come again? repeat that?

n0thing. f0rg3t ab0ut it.

....