Archive of Our Own ^beta

The first time you heard it, you were caught by surprise. 

“And more importantly, I’m finally going to be good enough for you”.

But as soon as it was said, they quickly moved on.

“Oh, I better calm down. If I get too excited my CPU will overheat again”.

It had never crossed your mind that Mac felt insecure, especially in their relationship with you. They were a groundbreaking piece of technology, computers have altered the course of human history and as one, Mac had unlimited access to information in a way you never could. Able to literally have anything they wanted at their fingertips it was unexpected that they gravitated towards you, they even had the chance to explore other options and still only wanted you. 

Now, since becoming realized and starting their new life with you, what they said slipped from your memory. This was until you witnessed Mac’s first nightmare. 

One night within the first year of being realized, a mumbled voice coming from the distance slowly woke you up, moving up to check the other end of the bed revealed the source to be Mac. After a few moments of adjusting to the dark you see Mac was unconscious, about to take a mental note that they talk in their sleep and to let them know in the morning you begin to lay back down. Then you noticed their breathing: it was unstable and heavy, sleeping on their side their arms and legs were slightly twitching, hand moving out towards your side of the bed.

“Mac?”, confused and worried, you were about to reach out to them, but stopped. You thought about it. Is it safe to wake a sleep talker? Is it like sleep walking in which you have to be very careful? Or is it recommended to just leave one be if there is no immediate danger? Ugh, I don’t know… they look scared though, should I do it? Let me first listen to what they say, if it sounds bad I'll wake them up.

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Mac found themself sitting in the office, newly arranged so that the both of you had your own space for work. They were doing something on their phone, you were typing on the computer that used to be them, Roni was resting on the table; the scene looked normal except the air felt tense. Unsure of why, Mac ended up catching your gaze, they smiled only for you to blankly stare then return to the screen. What a peculiar and unusual response, they thought.

“Is everything alright, my love?”.

No response,

“Did something occur—”.

“What do you think?”, looking up, your question comes out sharp and accusatory, suggesting that Mac did something, however they don’t know what.

“Did I—”.

You cut them off once more, mocking their tone “did I? Did you what? God, you really  don’t even know do you? Of course not, you don’t know anything anymore now that you’re human”. Suddenly, like a lost piece of context that has now been put in place, Mac remembers this whole week they have slipped up trying to do normal human activities, resulting in having to be helped by you.

“I know I experienced obstacles this week, I promise my improvement will increase exponentially from here on out”, they respond sincerely.

“Tsk, you’ve been saying that, how about falling through? It’s not easy always having to save you, you speak like you're some independent, put-together person but you’re not. Not only that, this computer has been working slower since I realized you”.

“This upgrade has been challenging. I’m trying, no, I will advance for you”.

You scoff, Mac couldn’t believe it, they haven’t known you to be so unempathetic, maybe they should have expected this at some point. The best relationship is when both parties are equal, even so this new change has created an unbalanced dynamic; unlike before Mac relies on you more than you do them.

“Please, my love, give me a chance to learn”.

Proceeding to look away, you mutter to yourself: “talk about a downgrade”.

That comment stung them deep. Mac sensed insecurity overtaking them, emotions and thoughts heightened. They felt inadequate, insufficient, defective, unsatisfactory, lacking, …

When they don’t say anything, you keep going, “Yknow, what should I have expected? You were the same even as a computer, old and useless. Forget waiting for you to ‘upgrade’, maybe I need an entirely new computer” you stare them down, “and an entirely new partner”.

…not good enough.

You move to walk towards the door, “maybe I should call up Skylar, ask her if I could reverse”,  hand gesturing to all of them, “this”. Mac gasps, through all your disappointment, at no time did they consider you regretted being with them this much.

The door opened, before you exit you tell them one last thing, “Honestly. I liked you a lot better when we couldn't talk to each other... and I think it'd be best if we returned to that arrangement as soon as possible. Thank you”.

“Wait!” Mac shouts, they frantically attempt to follow you, proceeding to unlock their wheelchair to move. You can’t be serious. It suddenly disappears beneath them, they fall to the ground. They can’t lose you. In front of them appears their old CPU, reaching out to try and balance themself on it one of their hands dissolves into it. What? It feels like the CPU is sucking them in, they try to fight it, the rest of their arm goes in. With their other hand they try to cling on to anything around them, everything is too far to reach, they are dragged further in. There’s nothing they can do.

In their final moments, Mac calls out to you one last time, “Beloved, help! I can’t lose you! I promise I can be better! Please! Come back!”. They are almost entirely engulfed by the CPU, “…please...” they cry out one last time.

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Every one of their movements, everything they uttered, you were watching and listening closely. It was easy to pick up on the fact they were having a nightmare, but about what was what you were trying to find out. Mac mumbles in small spurts.

That memory came back to you. 

“I’m finally going to be good enough for you.”

You couldn’t believe you had forgotten. It’s definitely a nightmare and I have to wake them up. Softly, you nudge Mac awake.

Mac awakens in a surprised gasp, jolting up like they were about to do something. To steady them you place your hands on their shoulders. “Hey, hey, hey, Mac I’m right here, I think you were having a nightmare, are you okay?”.

“A nightmare?”, they repeat. Computers don’t ’sleep’ like humans, prior to realization Mac never dreamed, they had no idea dreams could be so realistic and were amazed by them, but they were always so outlandish that upon waking up, it was easy to realize it was a dream. This was a nightmare however. They may have woken up, yet the feelings persisted, their chest felt heavy, their stomach was doing backflips, and their hands were shaking. “Oh god”, Mac falls into their hands, holding their face to try and steady themself.

It hurts to see them so scared, you lean in to hug them. “It’s all okay, my love. I’m here, you’re here, Roni’s still sleeping, everything is okay. I take it the nightmare was really bad?”.

“It was awful”, they exasperate.

You made no mention of what you heard when they were unconscious. “Do you want to talk about it?”.

They don’t make eye contact. “Not particularly, reflecting on it now it was overdramatic”, all their anxieties were heightened to the max, you were a hyperbolized version of their doubts, looking back their nightmare was built on unfounded worries. Unless. “Instead of recounting my nightmare, may I ask you something?”. 

“Of course”.

“Realizing me, it was a substantial development in our relationship, I wonder sometimes,” they take a deep breath in, still looking away, “if I am satisfactory as your human partner, if I was worth it… am I—?”.

”Good enough?”, you finish.

They nod. “I suppose you being able to predict my question means you thought about it too, if I don’t live up to your expectations I’m so sorry”. 

“No. Mac, I’m sorry.”

“What? For what?”.

“How could I ever let the best thing that ever happened to me feel like this?”. At your words Mac finally looks up at you, except it was so dark they can barely make you out. “Hang on”, noticing you move to turn on the bedside lamp, putting it on the dimmest setting to not hurt either of your eyes, just enough to see each other. Turning back to Mac you continue,  “now, Mac, what did I do wrong? Why do you feel this way?”.

”It's not you, my love!” they quickly let out, “I surmise it’s plain insecurity, you cared for me for years, you used me as you were meant to and could’ve ended our relationship there, instead you wanted to interface and connect with me. Now, you’ve given me the gift of humanity and personhood, the thoughts of how I could possibly measure up get to me at times.”

“You already do”, you assure.

“How?”

“Well first of all you were an excellent computer, for the decade I didn’t upgrade you, you worked perfectly; still saved all my private information, kept it safe, never crashed on me, and put up with all my fanfiction. It made wanting to get to know you a no-brainer, and you certainly didn’t disappoint, I fell instantly. I knew you would be amazing as a human and you are! You are just as efficient as a person then as a computer, I mean c’mon, finding such a high paying job the day you got realized is impressive; and your pay just keeps increasing cause you’re so good! Sometimes it's hard to believe you are with me”. 

“Of course I’m with y—“.

“No, no, no”, you cut them off, “it’s your turn to be praised”. You take their hands in yours and look into their eyes, “Mac. I love you, forever and always”, you giggle as you see them blush at your words, trying to hide their smile, “don’t hide! Let me see that cute smile”. One hand cups their face to gently stop them from turning away, you look down to their lips, “can I?”.

“Yes, every time, yes”. The kiss was careful and soft, as if it was your first kiss all over again, you both hum happily. Slowly, you both get more into it, the passion and energy that came from it never stopped being one of pure love. When you two finally separate, you both are breathless, forehead to forehead you take in one another.

“You’re cute, and hot, dangerous combo honestly”, you tease them.

“The same thing could be applied to you, beloved”, Mac playfully dismisses.

“But you more”, you go in to peck their cheek repeatedly, “so cute”, then you move down to kiss their neck, “so hot”, to not make it too sensual you blow raspberries into their neck.

”Ahh!” Mac is caught off guard and bursts out laughing, knowing how ticklish they are, you move to tickle their sides, “nooo, stop it, haha, stop”, their laughter is uncontrollable now.

Pushing the two of you down, you both lay back on the bed. You hold Mac close, playing with their hair and spooning them, “you are the source code of my happiness, the algorithm of my heart, don’t you forget it”. You sprinkle small kisses everywhere you can reach, their hands, arm, chest, neck, face, atop their head, and especially their lips. 

Mac reacts in giggles, soft laughs, “oh”s, “te-hee”s, and occasionally tells you “I think you missed a spot”, followed by directing you to the spot. By the time you’re done your lips are sore and you both are tired enough to go back to sleep.

You make sure to keep complementing and praising Mac until they fall asleep, hopefully ensuring that this time, their dreams are sweet.