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⏸️ “I helped you battle your demons, I guess they left a mark”
It was only 12:56 and Max was already wishing he could pack up and go home. Checking his watch, he remembered he still had 6 hours and 4 minutes exactly until his shift was due to end
“Max,” DI Manson called from the entrance to CID, “you built up a good repertoire with Lola Michaels, didn’t you?”
“Yes, sir”
“Will you interview her again? See if you can gain any more information about what she saw?”
“Yes sir, I’ll do my best.” Max nodded. “Would taking her back to the house help, or would you prefer we stay in the soft interview room”
“Use your initiative, Max” Neil turned and headed into his office leaving Max stood alone beside his desk. After a moment, he nodded and began to walk to the interview room.
There was something about Lola Michaels that resonated with Max, but he couldn’t put his finger on what it was. He was sure he would work it out eventually.
“Hi Lola” Max spoke softly, attracting the attention of the shy 10 year old. Lola was sat in the sofa in the soft interview room, legs pulled up to her chest and tears staining her cheeks. Max’s heart stopped for a moment, thinking he was looking at his 10 year old self all over again. Quickly, he snapped back into cop-mode and refocused his mind on the investigation.
“I wonder how you’d feel about going back home, Lola. Maybe it could help you tell us what you know? Would you be interested in that?”
The young girl thought for a while, and then slowly nodded
“Come on then, sweetheart.” Max held a hand out, “We can put the blue lights on if you’d like?”
Lola broke into a smile and jumped up, “Really?”
“Of course,” Max grinned, “I can’t see a reason why we shouldn’t.”
As he drove to the house with the blues and twos on, Max smiled, sadly, at the child next to him who was hating every moment of her life. He thought back to his own childhood and was painfully reminded that he felt the exact same as a 10 year old himself. It gets better, he wished he could have said. But would it be worth saying, the other part of his brain argued.
Instead, he stayed quiet and focused on driving, letting Lola change the radio station and sing along to popular songs.
“Where were you when the neighbour knocked, Lola?” Max asked softly, as they walked through the front door.
“My bedroom.” Lola began walking upstairs, slowly, as if she would rather be anywhere else
“What about your parents?”
“Out, as usual?” Lola had reached her bed, and was sat cross legged staring at the opposite wall. Max lowered himself down next to her,
“What does ‘as usual’ mean?”
“They’re never home,” Lola laughed harshly, “I think they forget they even have a daughter.”
“So you look after yourself?” Max frowned, horror filling his veins
“Pretty much. They’re home like 5% of the time, and when they are they’re all over each other. It’s sick.” Lola shivered. Max resisted the urge to move closer, and hold her the way he wished someone had held him.
It was sinking in why he felt he resonated with Lola. It was because she was suffering a fate similar, maybe even worse, to his own childhood. Even now, aged 32, Max still feared abandonment and neglect. Borderline personality disorder, he was told during his one and only therapy session. He never went back. He knew enough. He knew he would never be able to fall in love with anyone, even if he tried. He knew he was just watching the beginner stages of the exact same thing within Lola.
“Do you miss them?” Max’s voice cracked slightly
“No. I’m used to it by now.” Lola pulled her knees back up to her chest. “I wish I had parents who cared but maybe not everyone is lucky enough for that” She sighed heavily
“You deserve better, darling.” Max found himself saying. “If not you’ll end up like me; cold, detached, emotionless and with crippling issues with trust and anxiety” Max laughed bitterly
“Your parents did the same?” Lola asked, shock evident in her voice.
“Yes.” Max looked away. “I’ve never got over it. Maybe I just never tried enough”
“You could talk to someone, maybe me?” Lola innocently suggested
“You’re 10, I think that would be quite harsh on you having to deal with my problems”
Those words flicked a switch in Max’s head. Maybe Lola couldn’t deal with his problems, but he knew who could help with hers.
As they returned to the station, Max showed Lola to the canteen and left her in the safe hands of Mel Ryder, whose face held a look of worry when she saw the detective.
“Is everything alright, Sarge? Anything you need?”
“No. I’m fine, thank you Mel. Could you just keep an eye on Lola for me a moment?”
“Yes, of course Sarge.” Mel nodded, nodding to Lola. “Come on, love, let’s get you something to eat”
As Max walked up to CID, he noted a clock on the wall; 15:10. Only 3 hours 50 left til he could clock off.
“How did it go with Lola Michaels?” Neil asked as Max entered the office
“Not too bad, sir. Lola was open about the fact that her parents are out of the house almost 95% of the time. When they are at home, it’s sickeningly romantic and Lola is just sidelined”
“Do you call that sickeningly romantic because you don’t know what love is like in the first instance Sarge?” Terry taunted. Max scowled at him then returned him gaze to the DI
“You’ve really taken to that kid.” Neil lowered his voice
“Reminds me of myself, sir.” Max straightened up. “I’m going to go back down and sit with her and PC Ryder until social services and Child Protection arrive.”
“Great, thanks Max”
As he left, Max couldn’t help but overhear Mickey and Terry talking
“Reminds him of himself? Bit dramatic” Mickey scoffed
“You never know what’s true with him” Terry was likely shaking his head in disbelief
“Cut him some slack!” Stevie cut in. “I don’t think any of us know the half of Max’s personal life”
Max didn’t wait to hear what happened next
At 16:28 he found himself in the soft interview room with a social worker, discussing Lola Michaelis
“She’s going to struggle” Max was saying
“You don’t say” The social worker, Anne, shook her head whilst sighing. “Poor kids gone through more turmoil than some adults do in their life”
“Can say that again”
“Placing her somewhere will be hard, but we’ll try our best for her. Find her someone who’s willing to give her all the love and support she wants and needs.” Max nodded along as Anne spoke
Anne stood up, patting herself down.
“Shall we bring Lola in?” She asked. Max nodded, silently, his mind elsewhere.
Anne spent 35 minutes talking to Lola, softly and slowly. Her questioning was meticulous and she had detailed notes by the time the conversation was over. Lola looked as if a weight had begun to leave her shoulders, even if it wasn’t all gone. Max smiled sadly as that thought.
Leading Anne out of the station, she assured Max that someone would come collect Lola for a foster placement within the next 2 hours
“I’ll find the best fit, I promise”
“What if I fostered her?” Max blurted out
“Well, I don’t know how ethical that would be. But I don’t think there’s any laws preventing you. You’ll have to undergo evaluations first, Max, but we could try. Especially with you and Lola getting along well”
“I’m not the perfect fit,” Max admitted, rubbing his arm, “I went through a near identical childhood to Lola’s. But that gives me insight as to how she’s feeling. I know I’m emotionally detached and pretty cold sometimes. But I was nearly crying today hearing her talking about what’s happening. I can’t let her become what I am too”
Anne grinned, “You’re a good man, Max Carter”
Hs turned and walked to her car, and Max waved her off as she drove away. His heart hadn’t felt this light in years. Maybe, just maybe, something was looking up in life.
——
It took 10 months, of consultations, home inspections, supervised visits with Lola and home visits with her too. And as Max was reminded when Lola was finally released into his care, it was all worth it.
Sure, she was still anxious he could leave at any time. But she was smiling, laughing. Her school said she was more active in lessons, she was doing better in her subjects. Homework was of a higher standard as Max stood at the kitchen counter helping with maths problems and story writing. Slowly, he introduced Lola to a therapist. She was talking more, opened up more to Max about the details of being a child and her own parent. Max felt himself reverting back to his childhood himself, reliving his memories whilst Lola slept on his shoulder after movie nights. It was worth his own pain, he told himself, if he can help someone else get the love and help they deserve
“You’re always gonna be here, right? This is always gonna be my home?” Lola asked, 20 months after Max was first made aware of welfare issues with a child home alone. Lola had lived with him for 10 months now, and felt like Max’s house was home. Max looked up from the adoption papers in front of him on the coffee table, wondering when his house became a home. He smiled softly, sinking from the sofa to the floor and embracing the young girl.
“Of course, sweetheart. I’m not going anywhere”
“I love you, dad” Lola said quietly enough that Max almost missed it. Almost. His heart skipped a few beats, and it took a few moments before he was able to force sounds out of his mouth.
“Dad?”
“Would you prefer Max?” Lola pulled away, worried she had crossed a line
Max laughed, a real laugh unlike the fake one he used at work, “Dad is perfect, daughter” He turned and pulled the papers down from the table, handing them to Lola
“You’re officially home now. And I promise you are never going to have to fear a parent neglecting you again”
“You pinky promise?” She asked, anxiously, holding out a finger
Max smiled gently, entwining his own with hers, “I pinky promise”
Lola grinned and engulfed Max, sorry her new dad, in a bear hug. Tears ran down Max’s shirt as she sobbed into him. Max’s hand was on the middle of her back, and he realised this was the happiest moment of his entire life.
Not becoming an SO19 Sergeant, or joining CID. He had become a father, against his younger self’s fear, and nothing would ever top that moment.
“You’re stuck with the scars” ▶️