Work Text:
Ivan was living his best life.
The show Alien Stage had been a hit, he had successfully made himself an actor after years of work as an idol.
And the biggest reason he was practically able to ascend into heaven any moment was none other than Till.
The same Till that inspired him to become famous, the same Till that guided him through his scenes, the same Till that he fell head over heels with, and the same Till that, by some God-blessed miracle, had even accepted his love for him.
(He was a drunk, blubbering mess when he decided to run his stupid mouth. Clinging on to his sunbae shamelessly, spilling his fucking heart out thinking the very much real Till was some sort of hallucination.
Till wouldn’t stop teasing him for weeks after they started dating, but Ivan couldn’t bring himself to be the least bit regretful about what he did. They were boyfriends, goddamnit, boyfriends!)
Ivan was currently in Busan, a whole three hour drive away from his beloved sunbae. He was on another project, to film some clips on the famous bridge, guangan daegyo.
Like any other man head over heels for his partner, Ivan terribly missed Till. If he had a choice, he would be clinging onto him, showering his sunbae with love and going on dates with him.
It’s alright though, Ivan told himself cheerily, we still text everyday! The couple had indeed texted each other frequently, from the moment they woke up to the minute they fell asleep. They called sometimes, too, and it took Ivan his sheer willpower to not record his soothing voice. The gods had blessed him, he had a man with a voice so charming he was ready to kneel at his feet and let him step all over the rookie actor.
…
So why wasn’t Till responding at all today?
He could’ve sworn their relationship was sailing smoothly, if not extremely smoothly, and that Till had been perfectly normal just the day before, maybe a little more tired than usual, and they talked like normal, and laughed like normal, said “I miss you” and “I love you”, like normal. Before Ivan went to sleep, he got a message from Till, (he remembers that very vividly, he had saved the text message to file 21 of ‘Till’ in his brain, saying “good night Ivan, dream of me like usual 🤍”, and god, Ivan loved Till so much,) which was perfectly normal.
He didn’t realise that he messed up their relationship in such a short time of dating, it had only been 77 days, 3 hours and 28 minutes of dating.
Ivan frowned at his phone for the nth time that day, staring at his one sided messages from the morning prior.
———
28th August 20XX
Messages between Ivan 🩶& My Favourite Sunbae :)
Ivan 🩶: Good morning Till sunbae!! How did you sleep today?
I had a dream about you turning into a cat, haha! You were so cute :)
Not as cute as the real you, of course
Delivered 05:58
Ivan 🩶: Sunbae, I had eggs and cheese for breakfast, what about you?? :D
Delivered 06:12
Ivan 🩶: Sunbae? Are you oversleeping?
Or are you sick?? A fever??? A cough??
Please respond, sunbae..
Delivered 06:23
Ivan 🩶: Sunbae?
Delivered 06:13
Ivan 🩶: Till?
Delivered 06:28
Ivan 🩶: Did you at least eat breakfast?
Or at least some coffee?
Delivered 06:43
Ivan 🩶: Are you ignoring me, sunbae? Whatever I did wrong, I’ll fix it, I promise sunbae
Don’t break up with me sunbae, I really will give it my all to fix whatever is wrong.
Delivered 07:04
Ivan 🩶: please don’t be mad at me.. I really have no idea why you’re not texting, was it something I said yesterday??? Sunbae.. I really really miss you, please just text something back, or at least read my messages..
Delievered 08:27
Ivan 🩶: Sunbae… I’m at the set now, and I really just want at least some sort of sign that you’re still there
Can we please talk about it?
I’ll do anything, I’ll drop everything if you just read my messages..
Delivered 10:06
———
And what else could Ivan do, a very inexperienced man with long distance relationships, (and even dating in general,) but think that they’re breaking up without even a conversation, without even a proper goodbye?
Don’t get Ivan wrong, he was in denial for about three hours until it dawned on him that Till would have texted him no matter how busy he was.
Ivan was fucked.
“Ivan-nim, we need to film the scene on the bridge again, is that alright with you?” A staff member called out, pulling the actor out of his attention on his screen.
“Ah..” He said, releasing his vice grip on his phone, looking up with a service smile. “Of course. I’ll be there, in a minute, please.”
—
Ivan takes it back. Ivan is living his worst life.
Ivan couldn’t focus. He messed up his lines, blanked at the cues he was supposed to be reacting to, and even fell over at a fighting scene and fucking stayed there, on the ground and all, every last bit of his energy gone.
The director had (thankfully) not been mad at him, and gave him a chance to ‘get better’, or something.
He was in absolute shambles, the raven’s head only repeating ‘Till, Till, Till’ like some sort of mantra. Surely his boyfriend would tell him whatever catastrophical mistake Ivan made, right?
“Ivan?” Mizi frowned at him, placing a hand on his shoulder. Ah yes, Mizi was part of the movie as well, as the main lead for Ivan’s character. Ivan felt a pang of guilt as he realised he was holding not only the whole crew down, but also his closest friend. “Are you feeling alright?”
Ivan could only nod slowly, trying and failing to convince Mizi in the least. She sighed and excused themselves on a break, leading Ivan away to a private room.
“Listen. You’re really out of your game today, what’s the matter? Is it.. your lines? Are you sick? Is it Till sunbae?” Ivan shrunk at his lover’s name, making Mizi furrow her eyebrows. Surely that couldn’t be it? They were such a perfect couple, Mizi could never fathom Ivan fumbling their relationship. “Hey, I’m sure it’s not what you think, you know?”
“No, but it is, Mizi.” The taller said dejectedly, showing the pink haired the messages. “He always texted me as soon as he woke up.”
“Maybe he woke up late?”
“If he does, he usually apologises with a call. Or gives me more messages than usual.”
“Is he sick?”
“Then his manager would’ve texted me, and when he gets better, sunbae would usually text me or even FaceTime.”
Mizi blinked, speechless for once. That… didn’t seem like Till at all. No matter how distant the experienced actor may seem, Till was a real romantic at heart. Even if he couldn’t fully express it, Mizi could tell he liked, maybe even loved, Ivan. Till enjoyed Ivan’s company, his clinginess and even something as little as texting. Anyone could tell he adored Ivan, his affection was only saved for the former idol, after all.
“Ah.. well, you know.. Till sunbae must be not feeling it, or maybe he hasn’t had a chance to talk to you today..” She said with uncertainty, racking her brain for any ways to cheer her friend up. “Listen, just don’t think too much about it, it’s a misunderstanding, or some sort.”
All she got for a response was a small hum.
“Who knows, maybe Till lost his phone or something. He would never break up with you without an explanation.”
“But Mizi, think about it. It’s the perfect opportunity!” He waved his arms around, indicating the place they were currently in. “We’re in Busan, a whole three hours away from Seoul. That means, this is the perfect time for him to cut ties with me! He has enough time to move, or whatever, and even find someone else, Mizi.”
And Mizi… Mizi could only agree with Ivan. There was certainly no other way around the situation.
(Because as romantic as she is with Sua, Mizi doesn't really know what to do when it comes to other people’s relationships.
And besides, she’s easily persuaded.)
“Well.. fuck.”
“Fuck, indeed.”
—
Ivan has come to three conclusion after thinking about Till not responding to his messages.
- Till has blocked Ivan, and doesn’t want to talk to him. But this is KakaoTalk, and you could never know since KakaoTalk is fucking cryptic, it only gives a sign that they read the message or didn’t. The only indicator of someone blocking you is a change in the profile picture. But guess what? Till sunbae doesn’t have a profile picture. “I’m not really bothered to,” he had said.
- Till’s phone really did break, but surely he would’ve purchased a new phone by now and told him on his new number? He was pretty certain Till knew his number. Or maybe quite certain. Fuck.
- Till is actually dead sick and can’t even lift a finger. Very unlikely because Hyunwoo (Till’s manager,) would’ve told him by now.
All of these possibilities were quite incomplete, except the first reason.
Maybe Till really had blocked him.
“Ivan, duck!” He heard the director shout, before the crane swung at him. He managed to duck in time, missing the metal by a hair.
The director pinched the bridge of his nose, slowly losing patience with Ivan. Why couldn’t he do anything right? Ivan drooped as he was dismissed for the night, the director telling him to rest a lot and get his head out of the gutter by the next day.
Out of the corner of his eye, he could see that Mizi was looking at him with pity. Ivan folded on himself a little more, if that was possible.
The raven wasn’t sure if he could ever recover if Till sunbae was really ending things with him.
Heck, he’d even quit acting if they really were breaking up. Being in the same industry would shatter his fucking soul. And maybe possibly his career as well.
With a sigh, he took out his phone as he walked out of the set.
——
28th August 20XX
Messages between Ivan 🩶& My Favourite Sunbae :)
Ivan 🩶: Hyung I can’t stand this anymore. Please answer me, please
Can you at least call me??
Delivered 13:46
—
VOICE CALL: RINGING 📞
Calling at 13:47
VOICE CALL: NO ANSWER
Ended at 13:48
—
VOICE CALL: RINGING 📞
Calling at 13:50
VOICE CALL: NO ANSWER
Ended at 13:51
Ivan 🩶: don’t do that hyung, don’t ghost me.
Please
Delivered at 13:53
——
Ivan felt tears pricking at the corner of his eyes. This fucking hurt.
He stuffed his phone in pocket, dragging himself back to the hotel he was staying at. As his head kept low and his shoulders slumped, it seemed like a stormy cloud was over his figure.
The people steered clear of him on the way, not bothering to notice it was Ivan the kinda-famous-actor under the hat that covered his face. Ivan couldn’t care less at that point, though, he just kept walking.
He kept remembering every moment with Till. The couple discreetly holding hands under the table, giving each other the glances only reserved for the other, Till wearing Ivan’s clothes. Everything came in waves, and the water seemed to threaten to spill over as he tried his best not to cry.
He loved Till too much, how dare he just leave him like that? It was like Till had carved a massive hole in his heart and ripped said piece out. Without his senior, he wasn’t himself. Till was a too important figure in his life, wether the teal-haired liked it or not.
He blinked when his phone buzzed, whipping it out when he processed the notification. Was it Till? His back straightened, ready to apologize and call his boyfriend straight away when—
…
When he came to the realization that it wasn’t his senior.
Rather, the message was from Mizi, asking if he’d like to join the crew later for some drinks.
“..fuck.”
He was not going to drink.
—
Never mind, Ivan did come to drink. Mizi didn’t want the moping boyfriend to be crying on his pillow for the rest of the day, after all.
No one could refuse Mizi even if they tried, anyway.
And so here he was, sitting on the corner of the room with Mizi next to him, telling Ivan to drink it away, at least for today.
He frowned at his drink, reminded of the fact that Till would be a great drinker, out-drinking the former idol by miles. He’d be patting his back after he got stupidly drunk, (his tolerance was one of the lowest of the Alien Stage cast, the worst being Luka because he usually gets drunk after one fucking sip,) telling Ivan that they’d be home soon, and they could maybe have some fun, just for the day.
Wherever he went, the image of his boyfriend followed.
But fuck it, his boyfriend isn’t here, is he?
Angrily, he gulped down his drink in one go, pouring another one straight after. Mizi was right, after all. He was here to forget just for the day. Even if he had a massive hangover the next day, he couldn’t bring himself to care. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Mizi looking at him in concern, but he ignored it, planning to get as drunk as possible.
And so, he drank more and more.
“Ivan, slow down! It’s been, what, ten minutes? And you’ve finished 2 bottles already!” He heard someone that sounded like Mizi say, and he only shook his head. Then winced, as the movement caused his headache to act up again. But he remained stubborn, pinching his eyebrows together and downing yet another cup of soju.
“Nu-uh, I’m gonna drink at least ten!” He definitely didn’t slur his words. And he definitely didn’t feel woozy already. Nope, certainly not. “Another bottle, please!”
He felt someone pat his back with something like sympathy. Ivan shrugged it off, shaking his curly hair once more.
“It’s okay, Mizi-yah. I’m fine.” But he wasn’t fine at all. The pink haired didn’t need to know that, though.
—
Groggily, Ivan opened his eyes (when did he pass out?) to notice he was still in the restaurant. He had his arms folded to cover his face, and his body was slumped against the table. Blinking his dizziness away, he sat up, rubbing at his eyes. He saw that most of the crew had gone, only Mizi and a couple people left. The sound of chatter was loud, but it only felt like background noise as he looked down at his hands.
Without meaning to, he brought out his phone, going on his texts with none other than his hyung.
“…Till..” He murmured, swiping at the messages on his screen, as if caressing Till’s cheek. He slithered back to lean on the table, his phone in one hand.
Blinking slowly trying to not sleep, he texted Till. Why wasn’t he texting like he usually was? Ivan felt sad, his boyfriend wasn’t texting! Till never failed to text him, after all.
——
28th August 20XX
Messages between Ivan 🩶& My Favourite Sunbae :)
Ivan 🩶: Darling, whay are tou doing?
😘💋💋💋❤️
R u there? Ir asleeo?
Darling, wjere r u?
Y r u ignring me..? 😭
Darking, what r u foing?
m blwing up ur medsages 💔💔
darling where r u?? 😔
Yell at m jus don’t ghist me.. 😭😭
Delivered at 23:49
——
Usually, Till would’ve texted back by now. So why was Ivan waiting for his response?
He couldn’t wait any longer. He was going to go to Till. Because he hadn’t seen him all. Damn. Day.
Why wasn’t Till giving him any attention? That wasn’t how he should be treated!
He slammed his hands down onto the table all of a sudden, catching everyone’s attention.
“That’s.. it! ‘M gonna go get my boyfriend!” He announced, raising his fist in the air. His co-workers went silent, then erupted into cheers once they processed his words. There were whoops and hurrahs even from other tables.
“Go get him, Ivan!” Mizi said over the cheers, making Ivan laugh goofily, stumbling out of the restaurant.
He called a taxi driving past, slamming the car door closed and pointing in the general direction of the road.
“To Seoul, sir! I need to tell my boyfriend I fucking want him!” He said, once again, definitely not slurring his words. Outside the car, he saw the remaining crew waving at him, probably telling him to get on with it.
The taxi zoomed off, the driver being just as determined as Ivan.
…
“Wait, isn’t Seoul the other way?”
The taxi rushed past the people again, this time going the right direction.
They whooped once more.
—
The former idol and the driver made it to Seoul in record breaking time (surprisingly not breaking any laws). They managed to cut the three hour journey by an entire half an hour. Ivan gave the man a generous tip and thanked him, the driver telling him good luck.
He looked up at Till’s apartment, and his determination seemed to die out as he realized what he was doing. Till had left him, but Ivan wasn’t going to let him. He was absolutely nerve-racked, of course, but he had no other choice. He was either going to sleep in Till’s bed or none at all.
His feet guided him to his sunbae’s door, on autopilot after the millions of times he’s been in his house.
As he raised his hands to knock, he came to the realization that he had no idea what to say. What could he say to him, ‘I’m sorry for whatever I did’, or ‘come back, I’m pathetic and needy without you’? Ivan should’ve thought this through.
How could he tell Till that he couldn’t live without him without telling him directly?
Holding his breath, he knocked before he could have second thoughts. He was here now, he didn’t know what to do anymore, except confront his lover.
—-
As the door opened, he opened his mouth, ready to act professionally and maturely, when his chest released a little when he saw those familiar teal eyes, mesmerizing as ever. Even if they looked a little sleep deprived, it was perfect, in Ivan’s opinion. Fuck his professionalism. Of course Ivan would get all unprofessional when he saw those eyes.
Said eyes widened, Till’s jaw dropping a little. He ushered the younger one in, closing the door behind them. “Ivan?! What are you doing here? Aren’t you—“
He couldn’t bring himself to listen to what Till was saying. Why was he acting like he hadn’t seen his desperate texting this whole day? Did he not see the fact that he was about to break?
Ivan felt tears well up, and started to sob before he knew it. Till blinked, immediately cupping his face and wiping the tears away. “Ivan, wha— what the fuck is going on?”
“I love you, sunbae.” He blurted, coming up to him and holding the sides of Till’s arms. His tears kept rolling, his eyes feeling shaky as he tried to maintain eye contact with the senior.
“I-I know?” Till replied, mystified. Why was Till acting like this was nothing? Did his feelings really not matter at all to the actor?
“Please don’t leave me. I can’t— I can’t live without you, hyung. I really love you too much.” He rushed the words out, non-stop, just like his tears. Looking down, unable to face Till, he wiped at his sleeves, trying to stop his crying. “I— I’m sorry. I’m sorry about whatever I did wrong, I really don’t know what I did wrong. Please just.. forgive me this once, hyung. I’ll do anything you want, I really promise. I—I can’t deal with us being over. I’ll stop texting you so much, but please just respond next time, I can’t..”
Till was silent, so Ivan tried his best to continue. Was this really it?
“Fuck, I’ll. I’ll stop crying in just a moment.. but I really don’t want us to break up, I beg you to give me another chance, Till, please. O—or we can just be friends, but— but I don’t know if it will be normal like before.. you know I—“
He was silenced with a pair of lips pressed against his own, the senior wrapping his hand around Ivan’s neck. Reflexively, the raven-haired relaxed into it, hugging Till’s waist with care. He felt the teal-haired smile against his mouth, before focusing on the feeling of the kiss.
Till’s mouth moved against his own, deepening their session and adding tongue. Ivan closed his eyes, tears still spilling and feeling oh so fucking blissed. He melted against the kiss, not exactly realizing Till was dragging them to the couch.
Ivan sat back onto the couch as Till pushed him down onto it, the senior clambering on top of him as soon as he was seated.
Eventually, the teal-haired leaned back, ending the kiss. Ivan came forward to chase the kiss, but a hand came to cover his mouth. He opened his eyes in alarm, confused.
Till only huffed affectionately, smiling down at him. He then laughed, shoulders shaking. Till shook his head as he calmed down, ruffling Ivan’s hair. “I don’t know why you thought I was breaking up with you, Ivan, but I honestly can’t live without you too. I love you, and I don’t think that will ever change.” He let go of the hand on Ivan’s mouth, tilting his head. “So, tell me, why did you show up at my house at—“ he checked his clock, “2AM in the morning?”
“You— hyung, you didn’t respond to any of my messages. And I thought— it was the perfect time for you to block me and leave me, since I was so far away from you.” He broke eye contact, eyes burning again. “I felt so sad because there hasn’t been a day where we hadn’t texted and— I thought…”
He didn’t need to finish. Till carefully caressed his face,
Ivan looked at Till, and saw that he had a frown on his face. Oh, fuck. Was he being too needy? Too clingy? He opened his mouth, ready to apologize.
“Did you not get my message?” Till asked before Ivan could make a sound. The rookie actor blinked, then slowly turned his head side to side. “Oh, I think this whole situation is on me.”
“Wha—?” Of course it wasn’t Till’s fault, he was never in the wrong.
“I actually.. this morning, I sort of went out for a smoke in the balcony after I woke, and I was going to text you.” Ivan nodded, not trusting his voice yet. “But I kinda.. dropped my phone?”
…
“Huh?”
“I thought I sent you the message, but I guess it broke before it went through. I said ‘hey, morning, I will be filming in a forest so I won’t be able to text you, so no need to text me today.’ And I thought if I got a new phone tomorrow it’d be fine. I was going to tell Hyun-Woo that I broke my phone, but I was a little busy to tell him. He was more active than me today, anyway. I didn’t want to bother him.” The actor sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck, the tip of his ears red.
“..oh.” Ivan felt a little dumb. Of course his sunbae wouldn’t break up with him without a warning. He looked up to see Till still talking.
“…anyways, I’m really sorry I wasn’t able to contact you today. Listen, I’ll never leave you like that, okay? If I broke up with you, which I will never will, I would tell you the reason, with an explanation.” Ivan nodded once more, tears flowing again. “E—eh? Why are you crying again?”
“I’m just.. so happy you didn’t leave me, hyung. I really love you, Till. I love you.” He hugged his boyfriend, smiling into his neck.
“I love you too.” His lover responded
Ivan changed his mind. He was living his best life, once again.
—
“So, what kind of messages did you send me?”
“I-I’m not showing you..”
“Haha, why not?”
“It’s so embarrassing, I was spilling my heart out for you!”
“Hahaha! Maybe you can turn it into a song. If they are lyric worthy, or whatever.”
“…”
“..I was joking.. you know that, right?”
—-
IVAN’S NEW SONG: ‘DARLING, WHAT ARE YOU DOING’ HAS HIT THE BILLBOARD!
Blacksorrroorrrr @ ivanloversincebirth
Wait this is definitely about someone. But the question is.. who?
Like literally, it’s like he was really fucking desperate to talk to them and they were busy or something. It’s like he was reading out his texts as he was drunk, or something like that?? WHO HAS IVANS ATTENTION AAAA
ALSO HELLO HE CAN SPEAK MANDARIN??? That’s actually so cool I knew Ivan was talented aarrrhhhhh
Likes: 19k Reposts: 7k Quotes: 2849
—> karmaendedme reply to ivanloversincebirth ‘s comment:
ITS DEFINITELY TILL, THE ACTOR THAT DID ALNST WITH HIM!!! Literally though, Ivan was NEVER seen without Till near him on the set. Not even tweaking.
Likes: 5k Reposts: 490 Quotes: 83
—> ilovecrksm reply to ivanloversincebirth ‘s comment:
OMG IS IT LUKA?? They were in a idol group together and they did a show together. It’s definitely themmm
Likes: 3.4k Reposts: 82 Quotes: 133
IVANTILLCANON reply to ilovecrksm ‘s comment:
Okay, hell no. Don’t you know Luka literally pines for the actor and musician Hyuna???
—> luguangmentioned reply to ivanloversincebirth ‘s comment:
I AGREE WITH YOU! As a Chinese, I can tell you that his pronunciation is actually so on point I would think he was china himself
See more comments..
——
“So. Darling, huh? Can I call you that? ”
“S-sunbae!”