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It had happened again. Severus had called a second year student a mudblood. It was different this time because all the other times people had told Lily when it had occurred. Now, Lily had seen it, had heard it, had witnessed it. Her best friend, that had once hugged her in her worst times, had slipped the slur easily out of his mouth to a young girl. His voice, that soothed her when she cried, made a little girl cry and run. Severus hadn’t seen him fortunately, because she needed time alone.
Lily walked quickly, holding back tears until she found an empty classroom. As soon as she closed the door, she backed from it as it stood between herself and reality. She kept going until her hip hit a desk. In hurried breaths, Lily tried to calm down. She placed a hand in her chest, feeling her heart thrumming.
“It’s fine. It’s alright.” She closed her eyes and tried to think of something that made her happy. Her first option had always been her family, but lately things with Petunia were going horribly. Lily didn’t understand what she did wrong and why her sister hated her. Lily’s eyes were watering again. Bloody hell.
The crack of the door opening made Lily look up. James’ peeked his head.
“Hi, I knocked a couple of times and I know you didn’t answer -or a least I didn’t hear you- sorry.” Loud chattering came from the halls. James looked behind before entering. They stayed quiet for a while, James looking at Lily, fidgeting, and she was, well, holding everything that was wrong in her life together. She exhaled heavily. There was some sort of comfort his presence brought. “I can leave you alone, but I wanted to check in, as you didn’t seem quite well.” He ran his fingers through his hair, as he did when he was thinking. Not that Lily would know, she didn’t stare at him or paid attention. Whatever. “Lils?”
The sweet tone, the pet name, the genuine worry on his face made Lily crack.
“It’s just- I can’t- And the- the- Oh, God.” She starting sobbing and God, wasn’t it embarrassing.
In a moment, James was already in front of her, hands on the side of her arms.
“What is it, love? You can tell me anything, you know that.” He tried to catch her gaze to reassure her.
“Severus is such a cunt!” Lily broke down and finally looked at James. He paused and grinned shyly.
“Sorry, love?” He pressed his lips together and Lily furrowed her eyebrows.
“Don’t laugh. My best friend is blood-racist! He is a bad person. He hates me. I lost my childhood best friend!”
“Hey, hey, stop. You don’t need him. You have lots of friends, Marlene, Mary, Remus, even me if you’ll take me.” He offered, which made Lily smile a little bit. But then she remembered and started crying again.
“And then my sister bloody hates me for being a witch. So what is it? Am I too much of a muggle or not enough? I can’t be what everyone wants me to be. It’s too much pressure. I can’t- I’m not enough.”
“Lily, hey, listen.” James who had been ducking his head to match Lily’ eyes now took her chin gently and made her look at him. “You are enough and anyone who doesn’t see it is a cunt.” She tried laughing. “No, actually, that’s not true. You are not enough. There isn’t enough Lily Evans in this world. Personally, I want more of you, Lily because I love-” Lily panicked. She had Severus’ problem and her sister’s, this was not the time to let her feeling for James come to the surface.
“Don’t. James, you can’t just say things like that to me.” Lily backed away as if the James’ words would have the complete opposite effect, as if James’ purpose was to harm her.
“Why not?” James had a pleading look, begging for her to listen. Lily wanted to believe him and at the same time was afraid of the possibility of being real.
“You can’t say things you don’t mean.” Lily wanted to cry because finally she had to face her feelings.
“Look, I know I talk a lot and it may seem as if I don’t know half the words that escape my mouth. But, Lily, I know this. I stand by it. I love you. Those are three words I mean.” His words were so soft, almost like velvet. His eyes were warm and inviting, letting her see his thoughts. It was deep and yet not scary. He continued. “The word ‘I’ represents every corner of my soul. ‘Love’ is care, affection, delight, amazement and everything those letters hold. And ‘you’ as in your red hair, your green eyes, your kindness, bravery, wit and everything that makes the woman you are. So yes, Lily, I love you.”
And suddenly, Lily could breathe. “I love you, James.” She smiled at him. “As the woman I am.” She mocked and he huffed with that perfect grin of his.
“You are not as nice as I thought you were.” His glasses fall a bit and Lily pushed them.
“Say that again and I’ll call you a cunt.”
James laughed wholeheartedly and Lily knew there was nothing to fear when it came to him. The boy he once was, impulsive, immature and spoiled, was left in the past. Lily didn’t care about her pride anymore because how can she deny that her heart nourished by the love she had for him. Lily never understood if the heart functioned from the love it received or the love it created, but it didn’t matter because from that day on love would never lack. Because James would love her forever and she would love him just the same