Work Text:
If Al could feel the cold it would be biting. Briggs had been a strange place. It had promised a safety net and when he and Brother leaned on the net? It snapped.
Now here he was, waddling through snow that was knee deep even on his big metal frame.
One step after another, the clunk clunk of his metal joints and the whistling wind was all he could hear. He had to keep going, he had to warn Winry and May and Dr Marcoh and Scar and Zampano and Jerso, and that other guy too.
He felt strange, he was still being pulled back but he had to keep going. Keep moving. There was a marker up ahead, a beacon in this white desert.
And the Alphone Elric was gone. and all there was slumped over in the ever piling snow was an empty suit of armor.
He woke up some time later surrounded by snow. Naturally, he started screaming.
He was so lucky to be found by the others. And even more lucky that Scar knew a place. Mei seemed happy to see him too and Winry scolded him for being reckless.
He missed that normalcy of adventure with Brother.
He blacked out again.
When he woke up for the third time he was in pieces. It was uncomfortable, as expected.
With the disaster of Scars brothers notes Al wasn't put back together for a while. When he was, everyone was just about ready to go to bed. Assuring them he'd be fine alone for the night, they needed their rest after all.
He was decidedly not fine.
There was always an encroaching sense of anxiety when he was alone at night. A kind of wrongness. He sat outside the entrance to the shack they had been occupying, staring into the distance. The darkness only served to unnerve him more.
Three years without sleep. Three years of lonely nights. He didn't want to do it anymore, he couldn't stand it.
Sometimes when Brother slept in hotels or wherever Al would wait for him to sleep and slip out to wander the towns they stayed in. His time was never wasted when he did this, he cared for stray animals, or stopped to talk to homeless people or vagabonds. They'd gotten a strange amount of leads that way.
It kept him busy, and that was nice.
And then, for some reason, he stopped.
He and brother got busy, life moved fast but the nights dragged on endlessly for Al. A boy in armor, left behind.
He misses being able to feel. He misses the sun, but he does miss the feeling of night too.
He misses the cool summer nights Granny let them stay out far too late as they wandered the fields of resembool. The feeling of rock walls that still held small residues of the sun's warmth like harmless suns as he climbed after Ed and Winry beyond where they were allowed to adventure.
He misses stargazing with Mom on soft blankets dragged from beds onto dew laden grass and discarded until morning. Three warm bodies pressed close enough to ward off any sticking coolness and to whisper about the constellations and their stories.
He misses staying up with Ed talking about alchemy and all the ways they could try to bring mom back. Too young to know the true consequences, emboldened by their fathers books and the research they had done.
Those little lost bits of innocence tug at him like a cord, waving him down like an old friend only to betray him with a wistful goodbye. He can't go back, no matter how much he wants to. And it hurts so bad.
There was a shuffle and a creak of floorboards behind him and he turned to the door.
May stood wrapped in what looked to be two blankets tied together, she held them around her shoulders by the edges, her arms crossed with XiaoMei sleeping in them. Her warm breath hit the cold at the same time the cold hit her face. She grimaced.
“Hello May.” He greeted quietly and then moved his head back to look at the gloomy landscape. He couldn't move much without the clanking of his armor waking the others.
“Alphonse… What are you doing out here?” She looked down at him before shuffling through the now flattened show to sit on his other side, away from the door.
“I don't know.” He said truthfully, “thinking?”
sulking.
“It's cold” She mumbles into the blankets and Xiao May.
“You can go back inside, I don't mind” Al says she glances up at him, her fingers digging into the sides of the blankets. Xiao Mei yawns and squirms in her arms. May lets the small panda crawl to her lap and curl up.
“Won't you be lonely?" May asks quietly.
“It's okay, I'm used to it by now” He realizes he sounds a little bitter, he turns his head to May and squeezes his eyes in the best mock of a smile he can.
May hums and looks down at Xiao Mei. She seems sad, and still a little tired. There's something else. She doesn't have that brimming affection and energy she usually does.
“May?”
She sits up and turns back to Al, “Alphonse, if you black out like that again, do you know if you'll come back?”
He's been asking himself the same question for hours now. He stares at the snowy field in front of them before he answers.
“I don't know.”
May doesn't respond. She sits, staring in the same direction Al is. It's nice to not be alone in the dark. He's pretty sure if he gets his body back he'll have a phobia of darkness.
“Not being able to sleep sounds horrible,” May says eventually.
Al hums and he feels himself missing being able to press his lips together to make that noise. What a silly thing to miss.
“I don't think I could stand it” She adds, “It seems awfully lonely"
He catches her eye and she gives him the softest of smiles. Strangely, Al feels a little comforted by her being there.
“It is,” He admits, “I don't know if it can do it much longer. It's a little scary thinking of my body stuck in the portal without food or water or sleep or sun”
“What do you miss the most?” May asks, and she seems a little hesitant, afraid to upset him maybe?
This does surprise him but it doesn't offend him.
“I think…” He pauses to think, “physical touch”
May tilts her head, “physical touch?”
Al nods his head, it clinks, “Yeah. When I was little I was almost always holding Mom, Ed, or Winry's hand anywhere we went.” He laughs lightly, “They thought it was because I was scared but I just didn't want to be away from them”
This earns a smile from May. She hugs her blankets closer. Xaio Mei sniffles in her sleep and rolls onto her back.
“I never got much physical affection when I was little. Mostly from Xaio Mei. When it was cold in the winters my cousins and I would all pile our bedding together and sleep like that but it was more of a keeping warm thing.” May says softly. She rubs one of Xaio Mei's ears between her fingers.
“You have a big family, right?”
“mostly cousins and a few aunties and uncles.” She says, “then there's my half siblings…”
“you should try to get to know Ling, he's nice once you get to know him!”
“The Yao heir?’
“yeah, and LanFan and Fu!” Al whispered excitedly, “Lanfan is such a good fighter and so is Fu!”
May hums noncommittally, “I don't know, there's so much history between our clans.” She pauses and looks sideways at Al, "your brother…”
He knows what May means and he laughs because someone other than Winry noticed, “Brother has a staring problem”
“specifically concerning the Yao Heir?” May giggled.
“concerning a lot of people” If Al could smile right now it would be from ear to ear, delighted, “He's walked into walls before because of it”
May snorted and slapped a hand over her mouth, “How?”
“I don't know” Al chuckled, “He's so focused sometimes it's fun to time him on how long he stares”
“Oh no, what's the longest?” May asks and she sounds so giddy, so delighted that Al tells her.
“23 minutes, and he only stopped because Mister Hughes came to say hi!”
May laughs, “staring for that long cannot be anything but disrespectful,” She wheezes between giggles.
“That's my brother May!” He protests lightly.
She grins at him and there's a glint of mischief behind her eyes, “You seriously didn't see the way he was ogling the Yao heir”
Al shakes his head, “I wanted to forget about that…”
May laughs again and pats his arm, “Sorry Alphonse, but it does explain why he was so unappealing!”
This makes Al laugh and May beams.
She sighs and then leans back against the wall of the shack and looks up. Al follows suit. It takes his eyes a moment to adjust but when they do they catch the image of a million stars and constellations.
Like stargazing with Mom.
May points up at one he recognizes but doesn't know the name of, “I never paid much attention to astrology other than how it could guide me so I don't remember names, but that's my favorite.”
Al slumps forward, still looking up, “It's been so long I can't remember either”
May points out a few she has some silly nicknames for, and Al points out the north star.
It takes a while for May to get cold and shivery. She clutches the blankets tighter around herself and shivers.
“I can't wait for warmer weather” she mumbles, “I like spring”
“Mmh” Al hums. Xaio Mei has somehow migrated to his leg and has her head hanging off of his knee.
“If you're cold you can go back inside, I don't mind, really" He pats Xaio Mei who squeaks in her sleep.
“No, I'm okay here. To be honest I came out here because I couldn't sleep.”
“How come?” Al asks. Their voices are still barely above a whisper.
“I'm worried about my Clan. We don't have a high standing with the emperor at all, I'm not the youngest of my siblings by any means but I'm far from the oldest.” She sounds sad and her hands come up to fiddle with the end of one of her braids.
“the oldest was 24 when he died, now the oldest living is 22”
“How'd he die?” Al asks, even though he's a little scared to ask.
“Assaination, its common between the heirs to try and kill each other."
He's understandably horrified, “how could anyone do that? May…have you been?”
“a few times, like I said it's not a huge worry for my clan because we don't stand very high up.” She sighs heavily, “Only three and those were recent because I've gotten older. The Yao heir has probably had it worse than I have”
“That is still too much May!” Al says and the intensity in his voice surprises even him. “Sorry”
“It's okay.” She says with a smile, “Mr Scar and Mr Yoki had similar reactions when I told them”
“Im surprised, they don't seem like the empathetic kind?” Al tilted his head.
“Mr Scar is kinder than he seems. Mr Yoki is just horrified at everything that isn't money, I think” She offers.
He takes it.
May yawns and sighs, “I can't sleep but I'm tired,” she jumped and looked up at Al. “oh im sorry”
“Im not sensitive about it, don't worry” He says softly, “If I was I don't think Brother would ever sleep. But he sleeps a lot, we think it's because our bodies are connected, so he's giving it what it needs to survive for now”
“oh. thats…” May trails off, “interesting?”
“you can say its weird May, I know it's is”
“Yeah…”
He laughs. Thinking about his body is unnerving. It looked so frail, like it took all the effort it had just to stand to greet him. Its ribs were so defined and its cheeks so shallow. He was scared once he got back in his body it wouldn't last long.
May notices something is wrong. She's gotten good at that.
“Is there anything on your mind?” She asks.
He looks at her, mentally frowning, “When I got pulled back earlier…” He stares at his hand and it shakes.
“Are you being pulled back again?” May sits up, looking more alert than he's ever seen her.
“no, no, it's just that I saw my body and… it looked so frail” He sighs, “its been so long im not surprised. It's still unnerving, knowing that's my body looking like that”
“Amestris has really good doctors doesn't it?”
“There's some things not even doctors can fix. That's what im afraid of”
May sighs, “Well. you have to be fine because how else am I going to introduce you as the person who saved my life when I become the empress! I am not starting that speech by saying you're dead, Alphonse”
He laughs, “okay, I won't die until you can give your speech, how about that.”
“Don't die after either!”
“Okay! I get it, I'll never die!”
“I'm glad we've come to an agreement, Alphonse” May says in her most diplomatic voice.
Al doesn't feel as lonely.
It's two days until they make their way to a slum town, sixteen when they capture Envy, and seventeen when May parts from the group.
It's ninety-nine days when he meets his father again, a hundred and eighty five days when the promised day dawns.
__
It's thirty four minutes until Brother comes for him in the portal.
It's warm. The first thing he feels is arms hooking around his neck and pulling him downwards.
It's May. He hugs her back. It's nice, he's missed this.
“Alphonse!” She cries. He can barely hear her words through her sobbing, "I'm so glad you're back!”
She stays clinging to him for a few more seconds before letting go and sitting back. She sniffles and wipes her eyes on her sleeve.
“im sorry I put you through that May, it was wrong of me”
She smiles but it still looks like she's going to burst into tears.
Al stays sat on the battlefield while everything is cleared up. Bodies are brought out and it's more than Al can stand to look at.
He scans the rubble. He can see brother walking towards Ling, LanFan and May. Ling has May scooped under one arm like a small animal. Ed approaches them as May struggles free.
Ed says something and makes a vague gesture that makes Ling jump about three feet and he turns to Lan Fan. Ed and Ling disappear somewhere.
Al isn't going to think about that.
May turns to Lan Fan with a wide-eyed expression and Lan Fan just shakes her head. She looks very dissatisfied.
A little while later Ling and Ed emerge again. Lan Fan looks ready to kill someone. Ling scoops up May again and waves to Ed. May squirms, he can hear her yelling. Her protests don't do much to sway Ling as he walks away, still holding her under one arm.
Guess he wasn't able to say goodbye to May.
It's been two months before he's cleared to leave the hospital and go home. He needs a crutch to walk, and likely will for a while as he recovers.
It's good to be home, and Winry's apple pie is quickly moved to the top of his favorite foods.
Two years.
It's been two years since the promised day. Two years since he's seen May. They've changed letters but he's still excited to see her in person.
The journey's going to be rough across the desert, but he's better suited for it than Ed is right now. Ed didn't stop complaining about not being able to go. He dodged the question about why he was so pissy with a strangled laugh and a timely call from Granny.
Everyone knows the real reason he won't answer.
Maybe he'll talk to Ling about starting to create a train line between Amestris and Xing.
He arrives in Xing in two and a half weeks.
Two really is a sweet number for him.
The first thing he sees is Ling who greets him with a wide smile but a more diplomatic approach to conversation. When they get out of the public eye and only have one squirrely official to worry about, Ling flips a switch and crushes him in a hug, laughing. Al's cane is now on the floor.
“It's been far too long! How was the journey? When is Ed visiting?”
He wasted no time asking that. Al hears LanFan sigh from somewhere above them.
“Brother cant…” He squeaks through his crushed lungs as Ling lets him go, “cross the desert with his automail” Al huffs.
“ah, guess I'll have to figure that out…” He thinks for a second before turning to the assistant and waving him away, “You'll want to see May, no?”
“oh! yes of course!”
May is in the gardens, she's furiously scribbling in a note book. She's a lot taller than the last time they saw each other, maybe around Winry's height. It takes him a moment to realize Xiao Mei is sleeping behind her, she's gotten big too. Ling walks up to her and calls out.
“May! One of the Elrics is here!”
“If its Edward tell him to go away, I'm not teaching him anything.” She says without missing a beat. “hes your-”
She pauses mid sentence. The only noise is the clunk of his cane on the tile as Al hurries after Ling, who walks too fast.
“I don't think Brother would be happy to hear that!”
May looks up fast, tears brimming in her eyes already. She jumps up and tackles him. Al's balance is still bad so he falls flat on his ass and his cane clatters to god knows where.
“It's good to see you too!” He laughs.
She doesn't say anything, Al thinks she's crying too hard. Ling laughs so hard he has to sit down on the ground.
He's never acted too much like royalty. It dosent suit him much anyway, hes too nice.
Still, the hug is nice. Al wraps his arms around May and hugs her back. Yes, he thinks, this is what I had missed for so long.