Chapter Text
Sirius swirls his drink, watching the door like he half expects Remus to walk in. "Prongs, have you noticed Remus pulling away more recently?"
They are sitting alone in The Three Broomsticks where the Marauders used to join a pub quiz every Friday. Peter left first, but that wasn’t a big shock, he had joined a cult and eventually just stopped coming. His absence wasn’t felt, no one would miss him arguing that Earth is flat. But Remus, his absence took up physical space, making the bar feel too small whenever he was gone.
It started slowly, honestly even in uni he constantly had to make excuses for why he couldn’t hang out with the Marauders. But he was obsessed with studying, the swot, so it wasn’t that obvious he was trying to put distance between him and his best friends. After graduation, he pulled away even more, only showing up for Friday night pub quizzes and politely turning down every other plan. Even then Sirius didn’t question it, only celebrating the time he got to spend with his Moony. Everyone gets busy as they get older. Right?
So he didn’t take it personally, especially since he only saw James as often as he did because they were neighbors. It wasn’t exactly fair to compare Remus’s presence to James’s. Prongs didn’t have a choice about being around Sirius (though, given the choice, he’d pick Sirius every time), especially after naming him Harry’s godfather. Since then, Sirius has been spending almost every moment with James, even cancelling on Friday nights himself sometimes.
Lately, Remus had only shown up for a couple of pub quiz nights, making excuses the rest of the time. And they weren’t even good excuses—one night he skipped because he got too into a book . Probably true, but still not a great reason to miss a Marauders night. Sirius kept trying to figure out what changed. It started around the time his mum died, but Remus had to know they’d have supported him while he grieved. Sirius even wondered, briefly, if he’d taken it personally that James named him godfather. Probably not, but maybe it just highlighted how close the two of them were compared to Remus. Still , they were a trio, and the longer Sirius went without him, the more he missed the sarcastic bastard.
“Yeah, I’m worried.” James responds, not usually one to agree with Sirius this quickly.
“I’m not just overthinking it?” He asks cautiously, because he had a tendency to do that.
Oh, yeah, because not only is Remus a fundamental part of their group, but Sirius is hopelessly in love with him. Has been for years. However, in their final year of uni he started pushing Remus for answers about his constant absences, and since then Remus has done nothing but pull away. He felt slightly responsible for the distance between them, wondering if he had just let Remus be, their group would still be whole. So now, whenever it comes to Remus, Sirius second-guesses everything. He can’t risk overstepping, not when this might be the last piece of Moony he has left.
“You aren’t, Pads. We haven’t seen him in over a month, I bloody miss him.” James admits, sadness tinging his voice. Sirius feels a pang of affection for his best friend, he knows James feels guilty too, wondering if Remus pulled away because of Harry. If he felt left behind as his two friends moved on in their lives.
“I’ll go and check on him. He said he had a lot of cleaning to do at home, so I know exactly where he is.” Sirius stands, wanting to go and confront him. Drifting apart is one thing, painful, but bearable. But leaving entirely? That’s against Marauder rules (unless you join a cult, but Remus is too smart for that…probably).
James grabs his arm to stop him. “Don’t. He clearly wants some space tonight. Just text him and see when you can come over.”
Grumbling, Sirius pulls out his phone, annoyed he has to text one of his oldest friends just to see him. He never has to text James and Lily, he just shows up at their house.
Padfoot: Hey Moony, we miss you! Can I come over for a chat sometime? I feel like I haven’t seen you in a while!
Moony: I’m really busy Pads, but I miss you too
Padfoot: Pleeeeaasseeeeeeeeee, just to see your face
Remus doesn’t respond, but it will take more than that to stop Sirius from seeing his friend. He grabs his phone, pays his tab, and says goodbye to a confused James, then he is on his way to Remus’s flat.
The drive is long, made longer by his racing mind. He wants to act like nothing is wrong. He wants to shake Remus and make him explain. Warmth grows in his chest as he thinks about golden eyes greeting him at the door, fighting with the ice clawing at the fear of immediate dismissal. He lets himself err on the side of optimism, and fixes a smile to his face as he approaches his friend’s street. Despite his nerves, he’s excited to see Remus again, the past month having dragged by without him.
When he arrives, he knocks hard, knowing Remus has a tendency to listen to Bowie while he cleans. He expects the other man to take a while, but he flings the door open after his second knock, looking as if he ran to the door. His cheeks are red, and his hair is a mess. He looks utterly debauched, even though he holds a dirty sponge in his hand. As Remus steps onto the porch, closing his door silently behind him, Sirius can’t help but imagine pushing him up against the door and making him breathe heavily for a different reason.
“Pads.” He pants, “What are you doing here?” Remus looks at him for a moment, amusement and annoyance shining in his eyes “You really couldn’t take no for an answer.”
“Never.” Sirius states, a wide smile in place. He continues to talk, even as Remus stares down at his phone. “You can’t avoid your friends forever.”
Remus sighs, but to Sirius’s satisfaction, he looks guilty as he responds. “I wasn’t avoiding you guys, I’ve just been bloody busy.”
“Well, now is the chance to make it up to me. Dinner next Tuesday?” He holds his breath, curious if Remus will continue to avoid him.
“If I say yes will you leave so I can finish cleaning?” Remus deadpans, a smile teasing the corner of his lips.
“Yes.” Sirius hesitates, “I can come in and help you finish if you want, to make up for the time I wasted by showing up here.”
At this Remus gives him a wide smile, “Time with you is never wasted, Pads. But I don’t need your help cleaning, honestly bringing in a whole pack of wolves would probably be better than you.”
It's a joke about the absolute mess that Sirius used to keep his space in the dorm, much to Remus’s annoyance back then. It isn’t much, but it is a glimmer that he hasn’t lost his Moony entirely yet. Not wanting to push too hard again, he doesn’t fight to stay. “That’s alright. I’ll see you then!”
“I’m looking forward to it.” Remus agrees, nodding at Sirius before slipping back into his mother’s home—well his now. From what Sirius glimpses, the place looks different, warmer. He can’t even remember the last time he was here. Was it before Hope died? Back in uni?
He thinks about their interaction, the secrecy with which Remus treated his home, coming outside instead of inviting Sirius in, and the constant glances at his phone while they were talking. He comes to a conclusion that makes his butterflies turn into lead.
Padfoot: I think he’s seeing someone
Prongs: You went over there didn’t you
Padfoot: I went over there.
Padfoot: So?
Prongs: I hate to say it, but it makes sense
Prongs: But why not tell us?
Padfoot: I don’t know
Prongs: Oh Pads, I’m so sorry
Prongs: Come over and eat some ice cream to feel better
Padfoot: On my way, my love.
Years have passed since he and Remus were close, since they shared every secret and whispered in the darkness between thick velvet curtains. But Remus understood him better than anyone, possibly even James. They talked about everything. A thread stronger than time, stronger even than whatever walls Remus had built lately.
When he gets to the Potter’s, he opens the door quietly to avoid waking Harry. James is already on the couch waiting for him, ice cream in hand and a Disney movie on the TV. A quiet night, where he could try to get his mind off of Remus and his secrets. It doesn’t work, not entirely, but being around James always helps him feel more hopeful.
The next day is worse, his mind constantly drifting back to Remus. As he drafts new tattoos, he can’t help but hope it isn’t a secret boyfriend. The selfish thought makes him feel even worse. Maybe Remus wasn't dating someone. Maybe he was grieving. Struggling. He always shut down when things got hard—he barely spoke for a month after his dad died. This could even still be grief for his mother, but that doesn’t stop Sirius from wishing against his friend's potential happy relationship.
He shakes himself out of it. It doesn’t matter if Remus has a boyfriend, he just wants his friend to be happy. Sirius makes up his mind to support him no matter what, their friendship more important than an unrequited crush. He just can’t lose Remus.