Work Text:
The walls shook with thunder, the sky washed white by lighting. The world was coming down, it seemed to Katsuki. He knew it was just a dumb storm. He knew there was no reason to be afraid. But knowing didn't stop his heart racing or breath quickening as the world outside seemed to crash in, the boom of thunder and flash of lighting heightening the anxiety in his veins.
Deku, meanwhile, was dancing in the driveway as Katsuki covered himself with an umbrella, even though he was under the porch roof. Suddenly, thunder so loud it shook the Earth and made Katsuki scream.
Izuku took notice and led Katsuki inside.
"You're okay, Kacchan."
But Katsuki didn't feel okay. He felt like the world was crumbling, everything breaking. It sounded so much like that horrible battle where- Nope. He was decidedly not thinking about that.
While Izuku relaxed, watching the world outside crumble, Katsuki dug his nails into his palms, ashamed of his fear.
"Kacchan, stop that. You could hurt yourself!" Izuku scolded him. He looked upset. "Here, just squeeze this pillow instead."
Katsuki just threw it down, refusing help. Deku looked even more exasperated. Katsuki just turned away, and Deku went back to watching the clouds and rain fly through the sky.
Maybe he'd make Izuku hate the thunder too with all the crap he was doing because he was afraid of it. More likely he'd just make Izuku hate him.
Izuku eventually calmed Katsuki down and took him to his bed because A, his room had no windows, and B, Katsuki needed cuddles. But he just couldn't. Izuku was far too kind to someone like Katsuki, who'd hurt him a million times. He wished Izuku would get mad and throw things at him. It made him wish he could wrap Izuku up and ship him back to the past so he'd never have to deal with what Katsuki did. Katsuki often wondered why Izuku didn't just leave, go off and be safe, not be here with his biggest bully. Here with who hurt him the most. He was absolutely and irrefutably gonna ruin the second chance, then Izuku would hate him like he should, he thought as he drifted off to sleep, Izuku going to his own room in their apartment.
~~~Flashback~~~
Katsuki was with his mom, Inko, and Midoriya for Bakugo/Midoriya movie night. He did not fight. He did not yell. That was his mother's job that he took over when she wasn't around.
"Go get the chips." His mom snapped. He did as he was asked with a, "Sure."
He hated how much he let his mom walk all over him, but what was he meant to do? She was so horrible with her rules, it was suffocating. He always had to look good because she was a model and present himself well so her reputation stayed shiny and clean, but behind closed doors, if he dare stumble, he'd meet the punishment for that.
Izuku came in. "You didn't fight or say anything rude when your mom demanded you get her the chips."
"She's my mom."
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean she should be able to-"
"You don't get it. Your mom is the purest soul to walk this Earth. Just leave me alone, dammit! I don't need your help or stupid friendship."
Izuku reeled back, hurt. Well, he looked hurt. But his mom had prepared Katsuki for people like this, people who are nice to worm their way in, then they're mean but also sometimes nice so you still need them and don't villianize them, and they basically control and manipulate you. He snatched the ship bag, clutching it so hard his knuckles were white. That was one of the few good lessons his mom had taught him, so he was gonna take it and use it, stopping people from manipulating and hurting him like they did to his mom.
He left the kitchen, chips in hand, without another word.
In retrospect, what an idiot he had been back then! So afraid of being manipulated like his mom that he didn't even realize she had been manipulating him. He thought any attempt at kindness or friendship was manipulation, or that person would eventually get scared off and leave. But Izuku never did. And how did he repay Izuku? He ruined him, hurting him. Sure Katsuki was better, but only because Izuku had become his emotional (and physical back in middle school) punching bag. Oh how he wished he could undo that.
~~~Flashback Over~~~
He woke, Izuku at his side. He didn't deserve that. Even if he somehow did, he wasn't accepting it. He got out of bed, the memory making him wish more then ever that Izuku would just explode at him. Hurt him. Leave him. To be entirely honest, having this and knowing Izuku would leave someday was worse then him just getting up and sparing him the wait for heartache, making it worse when it did arrive. Every second Izuku hadn't abandoned and still cared was another second that Katsuki would long for when Izuku did leave.
Any time Izuku is kind, Katsuki just thinks it'll be another memory to miss when he leaves. Anytime he wants to be nice back, he's reminded that he wants Izuku to leave so he doesn't hurt him. But he doesn't want Izuku to leave, just know it will happen and wants it to happen sooner, so there's less to miss and cherish. Because every day Izuku doesn't leave is another day it's looking permanent and that means Izuku's gonna wind up hurt because Katsuki just can't be nice. But Izuku stays. And he cares. And he loves. Despite the pain Katsuki has surely inflicted, he stays when he has every reason to hate Katsuki. Every reason to fear Katsuki. As he heals and gets better,trying to atone for the pain he caused, the more he's able to admit...
You're the best thing in my life."He whispers, crawling back into his bed the next night.
Izuku, who is sleeping in here to help with Katsuki's nightmares, responds with a small kiss on his cheek, making him hope this life with Izuku, being roommates in a crappy apartent, lasts forever, because if it doesn't.. Katsuki doesn't know where he'd be without it. If he succeeds in pushing Izuku away, he'd just beat himself up, probably. Always thinking of what might've been. But if he didn't push him away and tried out the relationship thing, he'd hurt Izuku and Izuku would run off, and Katsuki still would've been left wondering what could've been. Either way, he'd be left wondering, and pushing him away from the start was less painful in the long run. Or maybe, just maybe he can cling onto the love and make it last.