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Chapter Text

Sirius Black

Thursday, August 31st, 2023

Sirius Black is one of the top F1 racers in the league at the moment, with only two races until the final. Not only is he one of the best drivers in the league, but he’s the best driver the Red Bull team has ever had racing for them, especially at such a young age, 23. His best friend, James Potter, is his own personal mechanic and knows his way around Sirius’s car more than Sirius does himself. 

“God, Prongs, these leather pants are awful for racing”, Sirius chokes out around his cigarette, squinting up at the sun that’s sticking the material to his legs. “Have I ever told you how much I hate Los Angeles?”

James wheels out from under the car, tossing his screwdriver and looking at Sirius through fogged-up lenses.

“Socket wrench, please”, he blurts, rolling back under the Camaro once Sirius places it in his hand. “And yes, you have, countless times”.

The two sit in silence for a few minutes while James tinkers away and Sirius repeatedly opens and closes his lighter. 

With a groan, Sirius breaks the silence and complains, “Why can’t you be my league mechanic, Jamie? You fix my car but I know you could do wonders on the cars that I race. Definitely better than those pit stop mechanics that never get me out of the box as quickly as those stupid Ferrari boys”.

“Padfoot,” James protests, smearing oil just below his hairline, “If you’re just going to complain while I’m trying to fix your car, send Peter out here to help me so I can actually get something done. You know that I would be on the crew if I could, I just can’t afford to be traveling all over the place to do so.”

Sirius huffs and rocks back against the bench under him, running a pale hand through his damp, inky curls.

“Alright, I replaced the front fender liners even though you didn’t really need them”, James pants, “your right rear tire also had a screw stuck in it, don’t know how you managed that, but that was definitely the reason it kept losing air so quickly.”

James shuts his toolbox and sits on the bench next to Sirius, elbows on his knees.

Sirius beams, throwing an ink-covered arm around him and chirping, “Thanks, Jamie!”, spinning his keyring around his index finger, “Will I see you in a couple weeks for the final?”

“Of course you will, I’m also gonna be there the Saturday before for qualifiers,” James smiles.

“This is why you’re my favorite, Prongs,” Sirius smirks.

He looks at his shiny black car and runs his fingertips over the hood.

“No, this is why I’m your only, now get out of my garage, Sirius,” James remarks, wiping his glasses clean with a cloth, looking back at Sirius for a moment with a teasing grin.

“I’m going! I’m going!” Sirius chuckles with his hands up in defense, opening his car door and settling into the dark leather seat.

The engine hums, and Sirius feels his heartbeat fall steady with the gentle sputtering, pulling out of his best friend’s garage.

Remus Lupin

Remus Lupin is going through it, to say the least.

Currently, he’s working a part-time job at a nearby gas station. He’s living in his best friend's house, smoking a pack a day, and he’s nearly been fired twice this week for arguing with customers. Mind you, it’s only Thursday. 

Today, his best friend, Marlene, is the one who wakes him up, telling him that she’s off to work and that he’d better get up if he wants a ride to work, so he does.

With a groan, he drags himself out of bed and pulls on a gray t-shirt from his laundry bin.

“You have 20 minutes before I leave and you have to walk to work!” Marlene yells from the living room, obviously not seeing the eye roll that Remus responds with. However, he does decide to get a move on.

As he brushes his teeth, he has a hard time looking in the mirror. Tracing his eyes over his tanned, freckled skin, he can’t help but follow the lines of thick silver scars peppering his face and neck. Remus closes his eyes and tries to combat his flooding memory.

The last thing that Remus hears is a crash before he blacks out completely. When he wakes up, he’s in a dingy hospital bed with paper-thin sheets and fluorescent lights humming around him, overwhelming his not-yet-adjusted senses. The muted blue hospital gown is stuck to his body with an uncomfortable sweat, and his eyes can’t seem to fully adjust. As he gazes around the room, he sees monitors and tubes connected over his entire body, closed shutters and curtains, a vase of wilting flowers on the table next to him, and a dim light coming from the small crack in the bathroom door. 

Slowly, but surely, Remus’ memory begins to flood back. He’s in this hospital because he was in a car crash. Even though his father told him not to, Remus decided to sneak out of the house in order to attend a street race, of which he was utterly convinced he would win. He bet (and lost) his entire savings on this race only to lose control of his car, driving too quickly on a street he didn’t recognize, crashing into and flipping over the side of an overpass. He remembers the way the glass felt in his hands as he tried to break open the windows and the way the jammed seatbelt burned through the fabric on his shoulder. 

Once fully adjusted, Remus notices the many bandages covering his body, from his face down to his ankles. Surely it couldn’t be that bad, right? Right? Remus begins to peel back one of the bandages on his forearm to see a deep gash that was beginning to heal. His eyes widen and his breath hitches. He just knows this will scar. Remus prays that not all the bandages are covering wounds like this one, but soon learns that his prayers were not answered. 

Remus opens his eyes and sighs, a bit of toothpaste dripping from the corner of his mouth. It’s been almost two years since his accident, but he refuses to talk about it with anyone, especially a therapist, which his dad recommended. Remus was fine; he didn’t need to talk about it, and why did everyone keep telling him he should? 

Sliding on his Converse, Remus grabs his carton of cigarettes, his name tag for work, and a half-eaten granola bar that may or may not be from a week ago.

“Marlene, I’m ready, let’s go,” Remus says with a full mouth.

Marlene gives him a once-over, giving him a look when her eyes land on his stained work polo. 

“Looking absolutely ravishing, Rem, as always,” she chuckles. 

Remus rolls his eyes but pulls open the front door and waves his hand as a signal for Marlene to go first. 

“A true gentleman,” she teases. 

Remus only huffs in response and shuts the door behind them. They drive for a while, only listening to the music on their favorite retro station.

Oh yeah

Now Ziggy played guitar

Marlene turns down the music slightly and sighs, mouth falling open and then closing as if refraining from saying something. Remus turns to lock eyes with her as if to say, “out with it”, and she sighs again.

“So, Remus, you know Dorcas Meadowes, right?” She asks, but doesn’t wait for an answer, “Well, she called me last night and told me that there’s a group of racers planning to meet up tomorrow night and invited us to go. She said that you’re a shoe-in to race if you’re down.”

Remus scoffs out, “Absolutely not, Marlene, are you crazy? You were there when…that happened.”

“Remus, come on, it’s been almost 2 years since you’ve sat behind the wheel of literally any vehicle, and quite frankly, I’m tired of driving you to work every day when you could very well do it yourself if you’d stop moping about,” she reasons, and immediately realizes her mistake when Remus winces at the end of her sentence. 

“What do you mean ‘moping about’ Marlene?! You saw what happened. Everybody knows about it. I could’ve died- no! I almost died! Me being more careful about my choices is not moping around, you wouldn’t understand,” he barks.

Marlene holds up a hand as a sign of surrender, but still says, “God, Remus, you have to get back out there! You loved racing more than you loved literally anything. I swear to God herself that you loved your car more than you love me, and I have known you since the day I picked you for my team in gym class out of pity. Yes, it was pity, because everyone knows you can’t kick a ball straight to save your life, Remus. I know that you’re afraid, but you can’t live like this forever, man. I’m not gonna be able to drive you to and from work like your mother until you retire”.

“Fine, Marlene,” Remus huffs, “I will go to the race with you, but I’m not driving. If I get even slightly bored or uncomfortable, we’re leaving.”

“Yes! Yes, okay!” She exclaims, “deal, Rem, I’ll let Dorcas know we’ll be there.”

What in the world was Remus getting himself into with this? Sure, he was tired of feeling like such a burden to Marlene, no matter how much she insisted that she didn’t mind, but even after two years, it feels too soon to get back into the scene. In and out, just one night, for Marlene, he agrees with himself. He should be fine watching as long as he’s not the one behind the wheel. 

Remus can’t help but remember this rush of racing. He was fantastic, too, even without putting thousands of dollars’ worth of modifications on his car. He won nearly every race, saving for college, until that night when he lost all of his savings and his love for driving. That might be what Remus is so afraid of when he thinks of watching the race. Will it remind him just how much he loved it? The smell of exhaust and hum of the engine as the car sits idly, waiting for the signal to go. Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, could get Remus behind that wheel again.

The bell on the door chimes as a customer walks in. Remus doesn’t even look up before saying, “Let me know if I can help you with anything”. 

He hears the customer hum in response. Remus has been in the store for what feels like days and is just now starting the last hour of his shift. He’s spent all day smoking behind the counter and reading up on the Formula One rankings since his boss left for the day.

From where Remus sits reading, he can hear shuffling and machines whirring around the store. The sound gets closer, and his head snaps up as the customer sets a Red Bull and a bag of M&M’s on the counter.

Remus looks up from the can and bag to see a male figure with the most beautiful curls he has ever seen, put halfway into a bun on top of the man’s head. The man is looking down slightly, his thick eyelashes brushing his cheeks. Remus internally panics, recognizing the man as Sirius Black. He tries to play it cool, of course.

Remus stares for a bit too long, clears his throat, and chokes out, “Is that gonna be all for you?”

“No, actually,” the black-haired man says, “can I get a pack of Marlboro Reds and forty bucks on pump six, please?”.

Remus looks out the window at pump six to see a shiny black Camaro with the darkest tinted windows.

Sirius Black

As the man in front of him gazes out the window and squints his eyes a bit, Sirius lets his eyes roam over his face. The most beautiful freckles. The small slit in his eyebrow with a silver scar running through it. 

“That should not be so attractive,” he thinks to himself. 

The man’s name tag says “Remus” in capital letters.

Remus Remus Remus 

Remus Remus Remus

Remus Remus Remus

Remus states, “Alright, that’s gonna be $62.47 for you,” and smiles slightly at Sirius as he counts the change.

Sirius gathers up his items in his arms and begins walking out before he hears Remus call, “Wait, wait! Do you want a bag?”

He comes to a quick stop in the door frame, sliding on his sunglasses before stuttering, “N-no thanks! Have a great day, Remus”.

Remus Lupin

How did he know my name? How did Sirius Black just know my name? 

He watches him walk across the parking lot, setting his items in his seat before lighting up a cigarette and pumping his gas. Remus looks down at his shirt to see his name tag.

Oh

Ohhhhh, okay, that’s how he knew.

Sirius Black

Sirius can feel piercing eyes on him through the window, burning through the back of his head, and he nearly chokes on the smoke he’s inhaling. Hopping in the driver’s seat, he silently concludes that he will never go to a different gas station. If, for some reason, he ends up needing gas every single day, don’t ask him why. 

Chapter Text

Sirius Black

Friday, September 1st, 2023

It’s the day of the last race before next week’s qualifiers, and Sirius is shaking with anxiety about it. His parents swung by earlier and got him worked up about placing high, and now he’s sitting in his changing room twenty minutes before he’s supposed to be on the track. His headset is ringing with announcements and attempts from his team to get his attention, and his phone screen is repeatedly lighting up as James texts him.

“Ne laissez pas tomber cette famille, Sirius,” his mother had hissed lowly in his ear. Sirius no longer lives with his parents and is free of them for the most part, but they are very well-known sponsors in the Formula One world, so he knows they’re always watching. Sirius has, for a long time, not felt the need to please his parents, but Orion and Walburga Black have a knack for getting under your skin, no matter how thick it is. 

Eventually, Sirius leaves his room and finds himself in his car, pulling up onto the line, seats warm and engine humming. Through the tint, he can see the crowds of reporters, coaches, and mechanics ready for the qualifying race to begin.

“Today is only going to be a forty-lap event, much shorter than usual, because the track is so large,” Moody calls over Sirius’s headset.

Sirius eyes his opponents and chirps back, “Aye Aye Cap!”, doing his best to sound cheerful and prepared. 

As the flag brandishes, Sirius releases the clutch and speeds forward, the force pinning him back to his seat. 

This is why I do this, he thinks. The way it feels. Hitting that gas pedal feels similar to a plane leaving the ground. 

By lap 25, Sirius is in the lead, as usual, nothing to worry about. The car Red Bull has been working around this season has provided Sirius nearly zero trouble, unlike Mclaren, who seem to be having much trouble figuring out what works best for tracks with sharper turns. As Sirius finishes lap 30, he’s shortly behind Gilderoy Lockhart and Severus Snape, because he had to box a bit earlier than he’d hoped. 

“What’s my gap on Lockhart, Moody?” Sirius calls.

“About 0.2, not far now, Snape seems to be slowing down. I’m hearing he might box now or after the next lap, so that gives you more than enough space,” he returns.

Do your best to scare Lockhart off, cut him off slightly at the next left, and get a closer gap on him. He still hasn’t boxed, kid. Sirius only hears this muffled as he’s only focused on the pairs of eyes staring back at him. He can see Walburga’s stony eyes staring at him, in third place currently, as if he’s in last. What a disappointment I am to her, no matter what I do, he thinks. 

Ne laissez pas tomber cette famille

Ne laissez pas tomber cette famille

Ne laissez pas tomber cette famille

Ne laissez pas tomber cette famille

It’s all he can hear as he takes too wide a turn and collides with the tracks’ outer wall. Sparks consume his car, and he hears as five- no- six cars pass him while he tries to come back to his senses. 

“KID! WHAT WAS THAT?” Moody yells, making Sirius flinch, his headset too loud.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I don’t know- Moody, please tell me I still have a chance here,” Sirius chokes out, trying to turn the wheel and get his car unstuck. He succeeds and hears a relieved sigh as he pulls out from between two sheets of cement, finding his center of gravity and trying to take a deep breath. 

“Yeah, Sirius, you’re fine. Do not- and I mean DO NOT let Chapman pass you. You’re in 9th right now, so you better get back on track right now. We have a medical team here to give you a once over when you get back. Good luck, kid”, he responds. 

Sirius pulls back onto the track and runs a leather-gloved hand through his curls, still not able to fully catch his breath. The final 10 laps felt like a blur but Chapman didn’t manage to pass him, so he finished in 9th. 

Barely scraped by.

I barely made it.

Why do I let them get in my head so much? 

As Sirius hops out of his car, he is surrounded by the medical team, reporters, Moody, and worst of all, his parents. Sirius, the pride of the Black family, has never placed below the top three in his entire career.

“Sirius Orion Black, qu'est-ce que c'était? Tu es une véritable honte pour cette famille si tu penses qu'une telle course est acceptable” his mother stabs.

“Mère, mère, s'il te plaît, pas maintenant. Je suis fatiguée et j'ai des déclarations à faire. Par tous les moyens, dégradez-moi plus tard, mais pas maintenant” Sirius whispers back, practically pleading. 

“Un garçon si stupide,” Walburga mutters, spinning quickly on her heels and stomping away like a toddler who didn’t get her way. Sirius sighs and turns to the reports screaming questions at him. 

Get me out of here.

This is part of the job.

Moody snaps him out of his haze, gripping his shoulder and tearing him away from the people crowding around them. 

“I’m going to give it to you straight, Sirius”, he hurries, “This is messy, and it will only get messier. Go home, take a couple weeks off until the next meeting, and for the love of God, stay off of social media. I’ll handle this from here.”

Sirius hangs his head and covers his face, not letting any cameras catch the reflection of tears filling his eyes.

Remus Lupin

Remus Lupin is entirely too anxious for his own good. He promised Marlene that he would join her for the race tonight, simply to watch, and of course, he’s going to make good on his promise, but he definitely doesn’t have to like it.

He’s been fretting about it all day, sort of pathetically if he’s being honest with himself. Remus hates how easily he lets fear take over him in such a way. Marlene is really excited for the race tonight, and most of that excitement is due to the fact that Remus is going with her, and what kind of friend would he be to deny her that happiness? 

It won’t be that bad

Remus finally pulls himself together and slips on a pair of jeans from his pile of dirty laundry, a plain white t-shirt, and a beanie, along with his Converse. Marlene is already lounging on the couch with her feet on the coffee table when he exits his room, giving him a knowing smile as he rolls his eyes and nods to the door. 

“Ready when you are, Marls,” he says, and she hops up, with quite an obvious pep in her step, starting out the front door.

“Lock it behind you, please,” she says, smiling at him, and he does. 

The entire car ride is a bit tense and off-putting as Remus battles his anxiety. 

It won’t be that bad, I’m not even racing, it’s fine, he reasons in his mind.

As they arrive, the roar of engines quiets every other thought in Remus’ mind, and the smell of burnt rubber is all too familiar. 

“Hey guys! I’m so glad you could make it,” Dorcas calls as she walks over to them, beaming her perfectly perfect smile, smiley piercing peeking out from under her top lip. 

Remus snaps his head up and locks eyes with her, giving her a shy smile and holding out his hand.

“Remus,” he states, friendly but stiff. “I know,” she returns, “Hell love, it’s so great to meet you. Heard many good things about you from Marlene here”.

“Thanks again for inviting us. I’ve been so busy at work lately that I wouldn’t have known about this race if it weren’t for you,” Marlene beams.

“Ah, yes, anytime darlin!” Dorcas responds, “Either of you racing tonight or just here to watch?”

Marlene flashes a sympathetic eye at Remus, who looks a bit afraid, honestly, obviously not comfortable in this element like he used to be.

“Just watching, love, maybe next time though,” she replies.

“Oh, alright, no worries. Well, the first race starts in about five minutes. There’s a bit of a rule in this community; if you’ve never raced here before, you have to race the first night you show up. We have a new racer tonight, Frank Longbottom, so that’ll be fun to watch. Each race takes place about half an hour apart for preparation and radio/scanner checks, so if you feel like you want to leave before the night is over, just come say bye first!” Dorcas smiles.

“We will,” Marlene says.

“See you later,” Dorcas says, leaning in to kiss Marlene on her cheek, pulling back with a light blush climbing up her cheeks, “it was nice to meet you Remus, I hope to see you around some more. Maybe next time, you’ll think about racing? A lot of people here remember you and would love to see you race again”.

Remus, a bit distracted by the sound of cars zipping past, replies, “Yeah, yeah sure, nice to meet you too”, and Dorcas spins on her heels, walking over to a group of people Remus vaguely recognizes. 

“Those are the Snakes ,” Marlene says, “they go everywhere together”, and Remus nods to signal he’s following, “those are the Rosier twins, Pandora and Evan,” she says, pointing.

“That’s Barty Crouch Jr. and Regulus Black,” Marlene points out, “and you obviously met Dorcas. Evan is racing tonight, absolutely a fabulous racer if you ask me.”

As if calling on him, Evan begins to walk over to his car, a beautiful Skyline resembling Brian O’Conner’s. As he revs the engine, he rolls down the window and pulls a wide grin at a very mesmerized Barty Crouch.

As all of the racers pull up to the starting line, Remus finds himself holding his breath. The race is called, and the cars are gone in a blink. Almost immediately, people are running around the corner with cameras, filming the beginning of the race. Almost halfway through the route, it’s called out over a megaphone that Frank Longbottom was run off the road by Rosier and is no longer in the race. Remus is on the edge of his seat after the announcement. After a few minutes, Remus hears the racers turning a few streets up, metal scraping pavement, and tires skidding. At the last second, Evan Rosier uses his NOS and crosses the finish line first, hopping out of his car. He’s immediately crowded by his friends and given too many high fives to count. Barty reaches out and cradles the man's face and mouths what Remus thinks is “you’re absolutely brilliant”, kissing Evan on the cheek, leaving Evan completely red and beaming.

All of this celebrating and joy ends the moment Remus sees red and blue lights reflecting in one of the car windows. 

“Marlene!” he panics, scrambling around to get her attention, looking absolutely pitiful doing so. Dorcas sees him and immediately runs over to them. 

She looks frantic, whispering, “I just got word that Frank, the man who crashed, was apparently hurt and called 911, the idiot! Led the cops right to us! Come on, this way!”. 

Dorcas grabs a wrist each and pulls them along. At this point, everyone had come to the realization that Remus had, and they’ve all started to flee. As Remus gazes back at the thinning crowd, he sees a few people getting put in handcuffs and shoved into the back of police vehicles. 

Just my luck, he thinks, of course this would happen.

Dorcas guides them all the way to her car and gives them a ride back to their flat, leaning out the window to kiss Marlene on the cheek again. She starts to pull away before coming to a halt and calling out, “I’m sorry about all that back there guys, that usually doesn’t happen. It was really nice to see you Marls, and Remus, please don’t let this scare you into never coming to a race again. I promise it’s usually a lot less police-infested.” She nods and gives a solemn smile, “Have a good night guys”. 

“Night, Dorcas,” Remus and Marlene call out in unison. 

Remus and Marlene climb up the stairs to their flat in absolute silence, barely looking at each other. Upon entering, they both huff out a huge sigh and practically fall into the couch. Suddenly, Marlene starts hysterically laughing, Remus gives her the most inquisitive look and asks, “What in the world could possibly be so funny after what just happened?!”

“Your face, Remus! Your face! It was hysterical!” Marlene cackles, rolling around like a dog in mud.

“Oh, shove off, idiot! I went to my first race in two years, and we could’ve gotten arrested! Of course I’m not going to look utterly ecstatic when the police show up,” He retaliates. 

“Dear God, Remus, I wish you could’ve seen your face. That face is engraved into my mind. I could die happy,” she continued. 

Remus scowls at her and jumps off the couch, huffing and stomping to his room, muttering, “I hate you so much”, and slamming his door. 

“You love me, really!” Marlene calls back, still laughing like a hyena. 

Remus settles down on his bed, and his fearful expression dissolves into a grin. As scary as it is, that’s what this life is about: the adrenaline, the people, and the pride that comes with winning a race.

Maybe it’s time to start racing again, he thinks, maybe it’s time to stop being so afraid.

Sirius Black

The night of his race, Sirius is lounging in his flat with James sprawled out on the couch next to him, snoring with his glasses skewed. He’s scrolling through Twitter when he sees a tweet by Evan Rosier.

_________________________________________________________

Rosie

@Evan.Rosier

Won tonight's race downtown! Nearly got busted

in the end, it was totally worth it, though. Attachment: 4 images. 

11:32 PM · Sep 1, 2023

14 Retweets 2 Quote Tweets 349 Likes

_________________________________________________________

Curious, he looks through the photos. The first photo is a photo of Evan after the race, face bright and beaming through his driver’s side window, looking like the happiest person on Earth. The second photo is of Evan and Barty, with Barty kissing him while Evan holds up a fist in the air in victory, laughing and smiling into it. The third photo is one of the crowd, and Sirius recognizes someone.

Who is that?

I know that face!

Sirius zooms in slightly on the photo and sees a man in a black beanie and his eyes widen when he sees a familiar scar running through the man's eyebrow. 

Remus Remus Remus 

Remus Remus Remus

Remus Remus Remus

Remus, street racing? Hm.

Sirius scrolls along to the final picture, a photo of Evan and all of his friends. Sirius lets out a shriek when he sees his little brother.

Regulus, my Reggie

Oh, Reggie, I haven’t seen you in years

It’s so good to know you’re alive

I miss you, I hate you

How dare you look so happy without me

God, I miss you.

James flies up off the couch as Sirius shrieks. “JESUS SIRIUS! WHAT IS IT?” He yells, glasses barely on his face, looking like a deer in headlights. 

“James- it- it’s Regulus. I haven’t seen him since I got out, but he’s here, he’s alive, he was at a street race tonight,” Sirius says, stunned.

He zooms in on the photo many more times, tears pricking his eyes as he lets his eyes roam over his brother, seeing him smile as he leans into the side of a pretty blonde girl he has his arm around.

Pandora, he recognizes.

“James, I have to see him. I have to know where these races are. Evan posts about them all the time, and if he’s there, Reggie probably will be too. You have to help me find him,” He chokes out.

“Sirius, those races are very illegal, aren’t they? You’re Sirius Black. Not only could you get arrested, but you could also get in so much trouble if you’re caught. Moody would absolutely kill you,” James reasons.

“James, I love you, but I genuinely couldn’t care less about that right now. That’s my brother. I have to see him," he pleads. 

“Alright, Pads, we’ll figure it out, okay? It’s really late, and you need to get some rest. We can start worrying about this when our heads are on right,” James says.

“Okay, I guess you’re right, we’ll figure it out,” Sirius nods, eyes wide and desperate, searching for reassurance. James gives him a weak smile and nods for him to go to bed.

Sirius looks in his mirror and runs his fingers through his hair before plopping down on his bed with a large sigh.

How is he supposed to get into the world of street racing?

Remus, he remembers.

Remus Remus Remus 

Remus Remus Remus

Remus Remus Remus

That’s how.

Chapter Text

Remus Lupin

Saturday, September 2nd, 2023

Remus walks into work with his feet dragging and his head hung low, completely exhausted from the night before. He squints as the sun rays refract through the windows of the shop, and he sees a very familiar, sleek black Camaro pull into the parking lot. Remus watches as the guy with the pretty grin from the other day scowls at the sun and pushes through the gas station door, ringing the bell above it.

“Back so soon?” Remus asks, and Sirius grins at him, shrugging and tucking his bottom lip between his teeth.

“Appears so,” Sirius chuckles. “Maybe I’m just really drawn to your lack of enthusiasm and the constant cloud of cigarette smoke hovering around this place. I’m Sirius, by the way”.

Remus laughs under his breath and stares at Sirius through his eyelashes as he roams the store, picking through the selection of candy, eventually landing on M&M’s. Remus can see a red spot of cold on the man’s arm from the RedBull he grabbed first. Sirius walks up to the counter and pours his items from his arms, adjusting his sunglasses that were nearly slipping from his head, and standing up a little straighter.

“Yeah, I know who you are. Just this for you?” Remus asks, already scanning the snacks.

“No, actually, also a pack of-” Sirius starts, looking up.

“Marlboro red’s?” Remus finishes.

“Oh, uhm, yes,” Sirius responds, “please.”

“That’ll be $16.63,” Remus grins, obviously proud of himself. He slides the bag across the counter and mumbles a quick “have a good one” before turning around to grab his own carton of cigarettes. While lighting one, he waits to hear the bell above the door chime, but only hears anxious breathing and a tapping foot. He turns his head back to realize Sirius is still standing there, looking much more nervous than before.

“Are you alright? Did you need anything else, gorgeous?” Remus chuckles.

Sirius chokes on his own breath, nervous in a completely different way, after that.

“Yeah, well actually, I had a question for you, and it’s kind of important. I don’t want to be rude or invasive, or-” Sirius rambles, and Remus’s face softens.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Remus eases, “give me one second, okay?” Sirius nods and looks down as Remus turns a corner.

“Hey, Albus,” Remus shouts through the office door, “I’m taking my thirty now”. He waits to hear a hum of approval before leaving.

Remus quickly makes his way back to the counter, where Sirius still hasn’t moved. He grabs his wrist and leads him out the door. Remus sits Sirius down on the bench outside the shop, and the sun-heated metal burns his skin even through his pants.

“What is it?” Remus asks, gently.

“I have a question to ask you, a favor, I guess”, Sirius replies, looking at his feet. He pulls out his phone and finds the photo of his brother with Remus in the background. Remus looks at him, confused about where this is going.

“This is you, no?” Sirius asks, finally lifting his eyes to meet Remus’.

“Yeah, it is,” Remus hesitates, “Wait, who are you? Am I in trouble or something? I didn’t even race”.

“No, no, Remus. You’re fine. You’re not my concern in this photo, okay?” Sirius reassures.

Remus’ face untenses, and he releases the breath he was holding.

“Remus, I need you to tell me when and where these races are taking place,” Sirius pleads.

“Why? Do you want to race or something?” Remus questions, shocked at Sirius’s urgency.

“Oh, no, absolutely not,” Sirius laughs, “street racing is way under my skill level”.

“Oh yeah? What makes you think you could beat any one of those people?” Remus interrogates, suddenly defensive. “Formula One is strict, nearly perfect. It has nothing to do with genuine skill or passion.”

Sirius snaps his eyes up at Remus, furious.

“And what makes you think any one of you could beat me?” He yells. “You have absolutely no idea what it’s like to do what I do, the perfection I’m forced to achieve!”

“I could beat you! Any one of them could! I’m sure you treat everyone unlike you like they’re lower than you, but your status in your world means absolutely nothing in ours,” Remus stabs, and Sirius stands up sharply, facing him.

“You really think you could beat me?” Sirius asks, staring down at Remus with an arched eyebrow.

Remus stands slowly, spitting directly in his face, “Yes, I know I could”. Sirius steps closer, nearly chest to chest with the taller man.

“Then prove it,” he proposes.

Remus remembers the night prior, the adrenaline, the desire to be behind the wheel of the winning racer. 

“You know- you are so much prettier when you keep your mouth shut,” Remus bites, and amusement flashes in Sirius’s eyes. He steps even closer, challenging Remus, testing him.

“Fine,” Remus retaliates, feeling both frustration and excitement tearing at his chest.

Sirius smirks at him, stepping back and running a hand through his sweaty hair.

“If I win, you take me to the next race, wherever and whenever it is,” Sirius states.

“Alright, deal,” Remus responds firmly.

“What do you want if you win?” Sirius asks.

“There’s absolutely nothing I want from you,” Remus scoffs. He holds out his hand, and Sirius shakes it.

“Whatever,” Sirius mumbles, “when and where are we doing this?”

“Tomorrow night. Meet me right here, I get off of work at seven,” Remus says.

Sirius nods and turns away, walking back to his car, mumbling curse words under his breath and groaning in annoyance. He’s just about to open the car door when Remus interrupts his fit.

“Oh, and Sirius?” Remus calls, watching Sirius’s head snap up, “Don’t bring anyone with you. Don’t tell anyone about this”.

Sirius nods again and slips into the black car, speeding off as Remus lights a cigarette.

For the rest of his shift, Remus paces, obsessively cleaning and organizing behind the counter. His scars feel deeper inside his skin as he realizes what he agreed to. 

I don’t even have a car! God, he’s so infuriating. Why did I let him get in my head? Remus thinks.

As he clocks out, he sees Marlene pull up and smile at him. Remus sighs and walks out to the car, shame pouring out of his body. He slips into the passenger seat and plasters on a smile for Marlene.

“Hey, Rem, how was your day?” Marlene asks.

“Good- yeah, good,” Remus lies, going quiet as Marlene drives and hums to the music.

After a couple of minutes, Remus reaches out and turns down the radio, wiping his palms on his pants. Marlene looks over at him and scans his face with her eyes.

“Something wrong?” Marlene asks, concerned.

“No, nothing’s wrong,” he responds, “but can I ask you for a favor?”

Marlene turns back to the road. “Yeah, sure, what’s up?” she asks.

“Can I borrow your car tomorrow?” Remus hurries, like he had to force the words from his mouth. Marlene turns to him, wide-eyed, and pulls the car over.

“Excuse me?” Marlene questions. “Remus, why do you want my car?”

Remus thinks about telling her the truth, but he knows that she’d say he’s crazy. He gives her a weak smile while he searches for what to say.

“I think you were right, the other day,” Remus shrugs, “you said it’s time to get back out there, and you’re right”. Marlene sighs and grips the steering wheel.

“What about your car?” Marlene asks.

“I haven’t touched it in two years. It got pretty messed up in the accident, so I need to do some work on it before I try to use it again,” Remus reasons.

“You know what? Sure. I’m not going to ask any more questions. I will remind you though, Remus, I love this car,” she says firmly. Remus nods in acknowledgement, and Marlene pulls the car back onto the road, turning the music up.

Sirius Black

Sirius speeds all the way to James’s house and sees him working in the garage from afar. As he pulls into the driveway, James looks up through his hair and smiles at his friend. Sirius opens his car door and stomps over to James, mumbling under his breath and throwing his hands around.

“Sir-” James starts, amused.

“Which do you think is harder,” Sirius cuts in, stopping in front of James, “F1 racing or streetracing?” James still looks amused, but now a bit more confused, seemingly weighing his options in his head.

“Well, Formula One training is awful,” James reasons.

“RIGHT!” Sirius yells, throwing his arms up.

“But street racing is really messy and unpredictable,” James counters, watching Sirius’s expression turn sour. “It would require a lot of problem solving and trust in your actual driving skills. The only thing that puts me off about it is how dangerous it is, because in F1, there’s a team of mechanics making sure your car is constantly safe for you to race”.

“You think that F1 racing is still a lot harder, right? Like, does it require actual talent, or just really good training?” Sirius asks.

“I think it really depends on who you ask. I know you work really hard, and you’re a great racer, but they’re completely different types of racing. The cars are different, too. Formula One is a strict type of racing, and you’ve been trained insanely well,” James answers.

“I guess you’re right,” Sirius mumbles, “but do you think I’m good at driving? If I tried a street race, do you think I could win?”

“Padfoot, where is this coming from? Is this about Regulus?” James asks, stepping closer to Sirius and putting a hand on his shoulder.

“I don’t know, James. I just- I miss him. I haven’t seen him in years, and I’d do anything to see him again,” Sirius confesses, easing into James.

“If it helps, yes. I think you’re a good racer,” James reassures, “but you can’t be stupid, Sirius. I hate to remind you, but you’re literally famous. Doing illegal things is a lot more dangerous for you than it is for other people”.

“Yeah, Prongs, I know. It was just a question,” Sirius lies, giving him a fake smile. 

James grips his shoulder again for good measure and turns back to the garage, and Sirius sits down nearby. He starts asking questions about cars, ones he thinks might help him, and James answers happily and unknowingly.

Sunday, September 3rd, 2023

The next morning, Sirius wakes up on the couch and can hear James snoring through the walls. He groans as he sits up and rubs the sleep from his eyes. For a while, he just lies there, and then he stumbles to the kitchen to make some coffee. He sips on it slowly as his mind spins.

Today is going to be a long day, he thinks.

Remus Lupin

When Remus wakes up, it's Marlene pounding on his bedroom door and yelling at him to wake up. He groans and pulls his pillow up over his ears for a moment before he gets up. Immediately, Remus puts on his uniform and shoves a change of clothes for tonight into his bag. When he leaves the bathroom, Marlene is waiting for him, dangling her keys in front of his face.

“You will bring this car back in perfect condition,” she points at him, shoving the keys into his palm. Remus salutes her, making her laugh.

The car will be fine, he thinks, but me? Not so much.

When Remus makes it to the parking lot, he stands by the dark red Dodge Charger, staring down at the door handle like it’s wronged him.

This is such a bad idea.

He gets in the car and puts on his seatbelt, checking the tightness multiple times. He sighs and wraps a hand around the steering wheel, running his palm around it. It feels familiar, rough, and warm from the California sun. When he turns the key, starting the car, he jumps at the rumble of the engine, but grabs the gear shift with closed eyes. Extremely slowly, he pulls out of the parking lot and onto the road. His breath falls steady as the car cruises, and he lets out a laugh of relief.

All that time I wasted, he thinks.

It’s early enough in the morning that the streets are nearly empty. Remus puts more pressure on the gas pedal, the engine roaring. As he slides his palm around the steering wheel, he floors it. The world around him becomes a blur, the broken lines on the road appearing solid at this speed. A grin consumes his face, and his cheeks begin to hurt.

Yes! Yes! This is it, Remus remembers, this is what I do.

When he pulls into the gas station parking lot, he stays in the car for a moment, just letting himself remember. He thinks back to his accident and closes his eyes, remembering the feeling of glass in his hands and the smell of burnt rubber. He breathes through the memory, sinking into the seat and keeping a firm, grounding grip on the wheel.

That was a long time ago, he reminds himself. It really is time. I can’t be afraid forever. I can’t let one awful experience keep me from doing what I love. This is what I do, what I made myself let go of for so long.

Most of his shift flies by, sitting behind the counter until someone walks in. Every day, Remus interacts with hundreds of people, inevitably forgetting each person in passing. Each conversation contains nothing significant, nothing memorable. However, there’s one person he can’t help but remember; the one with the most aggravating arrogance and frustratingly pretty grin. At 6:45, the familiar bell chimes above the door, and Remus looks up to see Sirius Black pushing his sunglasses to the top of his head.

Chapter Text

Sirius Black

“You’re early,” Remus states.

“I am,” Sirius responds, a RedBull already on the counter. Remus scans it and looks up at Sirius expectantly. Sirius hands over cash and immediately opens the can, chugging half of it in a few seconds.

“Your heart is going to stop,” Remus says flatly.

“That’s the goal, sweetheart,” Sirius laughs, tipping the can toward Remus, and something unknown flashes in Remus’ eyes. He lingers by the door until Remus clocks out, and then leans against the counter, raising an eyebrow.

“I’ll be right back, I’m going to change,” Remus mutters, grabbing his bag and dragging his feet all the way to the bathroom.

“Do you really need a costume change just to drive?” Sirius calls as Remus gets further.

“Do you really need to wear sunglasses at seven at night?” he yells back, annoyed, slamming the bathroom door loudly. 

Sirius huffs and folds his sunglasses over the neckline of his shirt, crossing his arms over his chest and tapping his foot impatiently. When Remus comes back out of the bathroom, he looks devastatingly handsome in a distressed band tee and baggy jeans, his curls messy from pulling the shirt over his head. He watches as Remus shoves his uniform in his bag and grabs his keys.

“Ready when you are,” Sirius says, holding the door open for Remus and gesturing for him to go first. Remus rolls his eyes, and Sirius grins.

Remus Lupin

Remus stands outside Sirius’s window, leaning down to talk to him.

“Here’s what we’re gonna do. Do you know where the ice cream shop is, near the library?” Remus asks, and Sirius nods. “It’s about six miles from here, and there’re no stop lights the whole way there if you take the main road. We don’t have anyone here to count us down, so turn on the radio to 100.3, and we go as soon as the song changes. The first one there wins, obviously”.

Remus slides into the driver’s seat of Marlene’s car and rolls the window down.

“Sirius,” he calls, and Sirius meets his eyes, “I changed my mind, by the way. If I win, you have to buy me ice cream”. 

Sirius flashes a cheeky grin and laughs. Remus smiles to himself and turns the radio on to the agreed station, and he watches Sirius fix his grip on the wheel. The song playing fades into the back of Remus’ mind, and his curls stick to the back of his neck. Eventually, the car goes quiet, and a guitar riff fills the empty space. Remus locks eyes with Sirius as he switches gears, giving him a sharp grin with dark eyes. They both speed forward, Remus taking the initial lead.

Sharper, faster, switch gears, accelerate, Remus thinks.

Ooh, baby, don't you know I suffer?

Ooh, baby, can't you hear me moan?

Remus turns the music up as loud as it can go, the world becoming blurry around him.

You caught me under false pretences

How long before you let me go?

Sirius Black

Ooh, you set my soul alight

Ooh, you set my soul alight

Sirius mouths along to the song, and his surroundings grow distant, fading away. All there is right now is him and Remus.

Glaciers melting in the dead of night

And the superstars sucked into the supermassive (you set my soul alight)

(Ooh) glaciers melting in the dead of night

And the superstars sucked into the (you set my soul...)

(Into the supermassive)

His foot goes numb with the pressure he’s putting on the gas pedal, but he pulls up right next to Remus, flashing him the middle finger through the window.

I thought I was a fool for no one

A grin consumes Remus’ face, and Sirius feels only slightly less composed than he did just a moment ago.

But ooh, baby, I'm a fool for you

Sirius takes a corner sharply and eyes the Charger in his mirrors, growing more comfortable with its increasing distance.

You're the queen of the superficial

But how long before you tell the truth?

Ooh, you set my soul alight

Ooh, you set my soul alight

Glaciers melting in the dead of night

And the superstars sucked into the supermassive (you set my soul alight)

(Ooh) glaciers melting in the dead of night

And the superstars sucked into the (you set my soul...)

(Into the supermassive)

The sun is slipping slowly below the horizon, casting a cool blue tint over the sky. Sirius runs a hand quickly through the wet curls flying around the side of his face, tucking them behind his ears.

You're a supermassive black hole

You're a supermassive black hole

Sirius thinks back to his conversation with James, wondering if his friend would ever believe him about this. He then thinks of his parents and how furious they would be if they could see him right now. This makes Sirius smile, his bottom lip pulled between his teeth. Lastly, he thinks of his brother. It’s been years since Sirius has seen Regulus, not that he hasn’t tried to. With the hum of the engine, Sirius feels closer to his brother than he has in four years, and he’ll do anything to be next to him again.

You're a supermassive black hole

You're a supermassive black hole

Remus Lupin

If Remus squints, he can see the final turn before his destination. Sirius is slightly ahead of him, unaware of Remus’ steady approach on his side. The wind whips his curls around and fills his nose and mouth with cool air. The curve of the road, the heat of the seat under his legs; it doesn’t scare Remus as much as he thought it would, as much as it should.

Glaciers melting in the dead of night

And the superstars sucked into the supermassive

Remus puts all of his weight on the gas pedal, his body humming and lips curling. The black Camaro is now to his right, slightly ahead, and then slightly behind as his speed fluctuates. 

Glaciers melting in the dead of night

And the superstars sucked into the supermassive

Sirius turns and stares for a moment, determination flashing in his eyes.

Glaciers melting in the dead of night

And the superstars sucked into the supermassive (you set my soul alight)

You’re so close, Remus thinks, one last turn and it’s yours.

(Ooh) glaciers melting in the dead of night

And the superstars sucked into the (you set my soul...)

(Into the supermassive)

Sirius cuts ahead, but Remus accelerates and switches gears at the last second. His tires screech, and Remus’ senses flood with the smell of burnt rubber. 

“TOO WIDE!” Remus yells, laughing in shock and relief, turning the steering wheel quickly, feeling like water in his hands.

You're a supermassive black hole

You're a supermassive black hole

In his rear-view mirror, Remus sees Sirius’ face drop in horror. Taking advantage of this weak moment, Remus speeds all the way to the shop. He pulls into the parking lot as the song fades into another, slamming the door before leaning back on the car, his arms crossed.

You're a supermassive black hole

You're a supermassive black hole

Sirius pulls into the spot right next to him, taking his time to get out, his head down and eyes closed.

Sirius Black

Sirius suddenly feels really static, unmoving. He remembers his last race, the wide turn that cost him a win. He’d always had a problem with that, and it never fails to come back and bite him where it hurts. Sliding out of the seat, his eyes meet Remus’, the grin melting off his face when he sees Sirius’ pained expression.

This was my chance, my way back to him.

He pastes on a small smile for Remus and fidgets with the heavy ring on his thumb.

“A deal is a deal,” Sirius states, starting toward the shop.

Behind him, he can hear Remus’ shoes dragging on the pavement. Inside the shop, it smells strongly of chocolate and warm cookie dough. Sirius goes up to the counter, Remus in tow, and squints at the menu. It’s extremely colorful and decorated with little illustrations for each unique flavor.

“What do you want?” Sirius asks, looking back at Remus, who’s scratching a spot under his chin.

“Can I have two scoops of pistachio in a cup, please?” Remus asks the worker, and Sirius abruptly starts cackling as Remus picks up the cup.

“Are you really wasting your win on pistachio icecream?” Sirius exclaims, covering his face in a laugh. 

Remus scowls at him as he scoops a spoonful into his mouth.

“It’s my favorite,” Remus defends, almost petulantly.

He goes to sit at a nearby table, and Sirius turns back to the worker.

“Can I also have two scoops of mint chocolate chip in a cup with whipped cream, please?” he asks, handing over a ten-dollar bill and leaving the change in the tip jar next to the register.

Once he has his cup, he makes his way over to Remus and sits down across from him, picking at his ice cream with his spoon. Looking up at him, Remus looks quite sad, missing his usual sharpness.

“Hey,” Sirius starts, waiting for Remus' eyes to meet him, “What’s wrong? For someone that just won a race, you don’t seem that excited”. 

“I don’t know,” Remus shrugs, pausing to swallow before speaking again, “I just feel bad. You looked really defeated afterwards. The win didn’t feel as rewarding after that, I guess”.

Sirius looks down at his hands, “I think I had higher stakes for this race than you did, but it was a very fair race. I’ve always had an issue with turning too wide, I don’t know why I can’t fix it”.

“Can I tell you something?” Remus asks, honestly, and Sirius nods. “I haven’t driven for two years before today”.

Sirius’s head snaps up in shock.

“Are you kidding?” Sirius questions, “Why?”

“I was in a car crash two years ago,” Remus answers, “It really messed me up. I don’t really know why I chose to do this today, I think you just got in my head, honestly. You can probably tell that I have a temper, and I just wanted to- I don’t know -- prove something to you?”

Sirius nods thoughtfully, “Can I tell you something, too?”

“I guess so, since apparently we’re confessing things,” Remus laughs.

“There’s a reason I wanted you to tell me where these races are,” Sirius admits, and Remus raises an eyebrow, “It’s about my brother”.

“Do you want to expand on that?” Remus questions.

“I haven’t seen my brother in years. The other day, I saw a photo online that one of his friends took at the race, and he was in it. In the background of the photo, I recognized you,” he explains.

“So you challenged me to a race so I would take you to one of the races-” Remus connects.

“Yeah, pretty much,” he confirms.

“Sirius, there’s a rule at those races. The first time you show up, you have to race,” Remus warns, and Sirius’s eyes widen.

“What?! Remus, no, I can’t! You literally just beat me in a race, and you haven’t driven in two years,” Sirius hurries.

“I’m gonna pretend that I don’t regret telling you that,” Remus mutters under his breath, “You’re a really good driver, Sirius. The whole race, we were pretty close. Honestly, it was just that last turn that got you. You’re too afraid to take risks, to be a little bit messy”.

“Well, how am I supposed to unlearn the years of training I’ve gotten that teach me nothing but perfection?” he asks.

Remus shrugs, looking back down at his hands, and Sirius wonders what he’s thinking about.

“Well, how did you learn to drive the way you do?” Sirius questions.

“I taught myself everything I know, really,” he explains, “I just watched a lot of races and eventually became one of the racers. I lost more times than I won, early on, but I learned over time”.

“Can you teach me?” Sirius asks hopefully, and Remus starts laughing uncomfortably.

“What? Ha ha, funny jo--” he laughs, and then looks up at Sirius’ expression, “oh, you’re not kidding”.

“No, I am not,” Sirius confirms.

Chapter Text

Remus Lupin

Tuesday, September 5th, 2023

For the last three hours, Remus has been under the steaming hood of his deep green Ford Mustang. Squinting at the pavement, he can see waves of heat rippling. Sweat plasters his shirt to his back and drips down his face. As Remus wipes his forehead with the back of his hand, he begins to hum along to the song playing from his speaker.

I'm a puppet on a string

Tracy Island, time-travelin' diamond cutter-shaped heartaches

Come to find you four in some velvet mornin' years too late

She's a silver linin', lone ranger ridin' through an open space

In my mind, when she's not right there beside me

It’s been a few days since he raced Sirius, but it hasn’t left his mind. Remus can’t help but be both irritated and fascinated with Sirius Black. He has these moments where fire burns in his eyes and his words cut through skin, but he also has moments where his face looks soft and his voice is gentle with honesty.

I go crazy 'cause here isn't where I wanna be

And satisfaction feels like a distant memory

And I can't help myself

All I wanna ever say is, "Are you mine?"

In the end, Remus folded and agreed to teach Sirius how to race the way he does. He keeps telling himself that he agreed because he has nothing better to do rather than facing the fact that he actually wants to spend time with Sirius. Outside Marlene’s apartment, the parking lot is completely empty, but Remus knows that Sirius should be there soon.

Well, are you mine?

Are you mine?

Are you mine? Oh, ah

I guess what I'm tryin' to say is I need the deep end

Keep imaginin' meetin', wished away entire lifetimes

Unfair we're not somewhere misbehavin' for days

Great escape, lost track of time and space

She's a silver linin', climbin' on my desire

Remus takes his shirt off and uses it to wipe the soot off of the parts, staining the brown fabric. Over the last two years, Remus has avoided any reminder of his accident. Now working on the car he’s memorized inside and out, it doesn’t feel like a terrifying reminder of his pain. Instead, he feels closer and closer to the person he was before he let his fear ruin his life. 

And I go crazy 'cause here isn't where I wanna be

And satisfaction feels like a distant memory

And I can't help myself

All I wanna ever say is, "Are you mine?"

Well, are you mine? (Are you mine tomorrow?)

Are you mine? (Or just mine tonight?)

Are you mine? (Are you mine? Mine?)

Just as he closes the hood, Sirius pulls into the parking lot, his music shaking the Camaro. Remus laughs under his breath as he recognizes the song as the same one that was on the radio during their race.

And the thrill of the chase moves in mysterious ways

So in case I'm mistaken, I

Just wanna hear you say, "You got me baby"

"Are you mine?"

Remus pauses his music and lets his eyes follow the car as it pulls into the spot next to him. Sirius rolls down his window and lifts his sunglasses to the top of his head, turning his attention to Remus. His eyes roam over Remus’ bare torso, and one corner of his mouth curves up in a smirk.

“Woah, Mr. Lupin!” Sirius says dramatically. “This is a highly inappropriate way to present yourself in front of your student!”

“Never call me that again,” Remus commands, pointing at Sirius strictly.

“Professor?” Sirius teases.

Remus only groans in response, and Sirius laughs. Sirius starts finger drumming on his steering wheel, earning an eyeroll from Remus.

“Alright, let’s go! Lesson one!” Sirius cheers, patting the empty seat next to him.

“Absolutely not,” Remus starts, and Sirius stops drumming. “You can’t start learning to drive the way I do until you actually watch me do it”.

“I’ve seen you drive!” Sirius points out.

“Up close? Inside the car watching each move I make?” he asks in return.

“Well- no,” Sirius says, crossing his arms petulantly.

“Are you pouting, Sirius?” Remus laughs, and Sirius huffs, getting out of his car.

“No, you’re pouting,” Sirius mumbles under his breath.

“Come on, Sirius, get in the car,” he demands, holding the passenger door of the Mustang open for him.

Sirius slips into the seat and says, “You’re annoying”.

“I think you’re projecting,” Remus responds, shutting the door before Sirius has time to respond.

When Remus gets in, he takes a deep breath, exhaling shakily. Sirius notices, and the annoyance drains from his face.

“Is this the car?” he asks softly, and Remus only nods.

Remus puts the key in the ignition and turns it quickly before he can change his mind, shutting his eyes. He palms the steering wheel and keeps his foot pressed firmly against the break, even though the car is still in park.

He turns to Sirius sharply and instructs, “Pay attention. Make note of as much as you can, and ask me questions if you have any”.

“As you wish, Professor!” Sirius smiles, and Remus scowls.

Sirius Black

Sirius does manage to pay attention, for some of it, at least. It’s really difficult to focus when Remus is sitting right to him with a focused look on his face. Watching him drive is more entertaining than watching F1 races; he’s genuinely so skilled. Even though he hasn’t driven for two years, he moves about the car like it’s second nature, like it’s something he can’t help but remember.

“How long did you do this before your accident?” Sirius asks curiously.

“I was 21 when I crashed, but I’ve been racing since I was 14. Obviously, I wasn’t driving legally. I’d sneak out and steal my dad’s car,” he explains, switching lanes and cutting between cars with ease, “I won my first race when I was 16. As soon as I knew what it felt like to win, I couldn’t get enough of it. Over time, I only got better, I almost never lost. On the day I crashed, it was my 21st birthday”.

“Remus, I’m so sorry,” Sirius responds.

“It’s okay,” Remus shrugs. “My dad and I, we got in an argument. I was still living with him because I was going to school, and he told me I wasn’t allowed to race anymore if I was going to live under his roof. Out of spite, I snuck out to race, anyway. I was too distracted, and I lost control”.

“That’s awful,” Sirius says, looking at Remus softly.

“I’m alright now, I didn’t die, so that’s something!” Remus jokes.

They sit quietly for a while. Remus is still driving, the vulnerable look on his face now gone, replaced with furrowed brows and focus. Sirius watches his hands, the way he controls the car with such speed and ease.

“Hey, can I take you somewhere?” Remus asks, looking over at Sirius.

“Where?” Sirius counters.

“You’ll see. Is that a yes?” he smiles.

“I don’t see why not,” Sirius shrugs, and Remus gives him a small, genuine smile.

Remus turns on the radio, and Sirius starts singing along, very obnoxiously. Remus laughs and turns to watch Sirius between focusing on the road.

1-I wish I was little bit taller,

I wish I was a baller,

I wish I had a girl who looked good

I would call her

I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat

and a six four Impala

Remus runs a hand through his hair and turns back to the road, smiling while Sirius continues to sing along. Eventually, Sirius stops singing, and his head rests on the window, gazing up at the clouds. They’re painted with color as the sun sets, and the sky begins to darken. When the car comes to a stop, Sirius refocuses his eyes, not having realized that he spaced out.

“Where are we?” Sirius asks.

“Venice Beach,” Remus states.

“We’re going in the water at night?” Sirius questions, and Remus chuckles.

“I mean, we can, but that wasn’t my plan. We’ll end up by the water, but there’s other stuff to do first,” Remus explains, pointing to the boardwalk.

“What’re we gonna do there?” Sirius asks, but Remus just gets out of the car and opens his door.

“You’ll see, come on,” Remus reasons, and Sirius gets out with a smile.

Remus starts walking in the direction of the boardwalk, and Sirius follows him immediately. Usually, he’s really independent, but being around Remus is nice. It’s different, at least; he doesn’t feel the constant need to control everything. When they get to the boardwalk, it’s full of people and art and music.

“There’s a lot going on here,” Sirius says.

“You just have to focus on one thing at a time. This place seems chaotic, but all you have to do is find one thing deserving of your attention in that moment, and everything else feels less crazy,” Remus instructs.

Sirius smiles and looks directly at Remus, “Yeah, I can do that”, and everything else fades away.

Remus stops at different booths and live performances as they walk. He talks Sirius through each beautiful piece of art and claps for each performer. Each has completely different talents than the one before, something different to share.

“This is wonderful,” Sirius says softly. “Thank you for taking me here”.

“I used to come here all the time,” Remus reveals. “There’re so many people here that it’s easy to wander around unnoticed. I would walk around for hours, completely aware of and comforted by the fact that no one would think twice about my presence. I could enjoy all of the art and music in my own way without worrying who’s watching”.

I would notice you, he thinks silently.

The sound of music grows distant as they keep walking, and Sirius slows at the sight of a vacant piano.

“What are you looking at?” Remus asks.

“The piano; there was one very similar in my house as a kid,” he whispers.

Sirius approaches the piano and sits on the bench, running his fingers over the ivory keys. He smiles down at them and begins to play a song he loved as a kid. Remus watches, eyes widening when Sirius begins to sing, too.

Je te laisserai des mots

En dessous de ta porte

En dessous des murs qui chantent

Tout près de la place où tes pieds passent

Cachés dans les trous de ton divan

Et quand tu es seule pendant un instant

The keys are cold and smooth under his fingers, and he closes his eyes. The wind has picked up, and there are a few strands of hair flowing over his face.

Ramasse-moi quand tu voudras

Embrasse-moi quand tu voudras

Ramasse-moi quand tu voudras

His playing slows, and he stills for a moment, eyes still closed, music still lingering in his bones. When he finally opens his eyes, his eyes find Remus, whose face is flushed with color even in the night.

“That was beautiful, Sirius,” Remus states.

“Thank you,” Sirius responds with a genuine smile.

No one outside of his family has ever heard him play before. He’s not even quite sure what possessed him to play just now, but he’s glad he did.

“When did you learn to play like that?” Remus asks.

“My mom made me learn when I was young, I guess it just stuck,” Sirius explains. “I wanted to hate it, because I didn’t want to give my mom the satisfaction, but I couldn’t. I do love it. Music has always been something that makes me really feel like myself, not who I’m expected to be”.

“Well, I like who you really are,” Remus says quietly, and Sirius smiles softly. “Are you ready to go somewhere else?”

“Sure,” Sirius replies, running a hand through the hair at the back of his head.

Remus leads him down to the beach, but to a more private area that Sirius has never seen. It’s just next to the boardwalk, surrounded by tall rocks that feel like walls. The tide is still washing in, wetting the sand as it comes and goes. Remus sits just out of reach of the water and looks up at Sirius to do the same. 

“What’re we here for?” Sirius asks.

“It’s just quieter down here. It’s a nice reset after the boardwalk; you can just watch,” Remus nods to the water. “I love how the moon reflects in the water”.

They watch the water in silence, listening to the sound of waves crashing against rocks and the distant music from above them. After a while, Sirius lies back on the sand, moving the length of his hair in front of his shoulders so it doesn’t sit in the sand. Remus looks down at him curiously.

“What are you looking at?” Remus asks.

“I’m looking at the stars,” he responds. “You can go back to looking at your moon”.

“I shared my ocean and moon with you, which means you have to share your stars,” Remus reasons, lying down next to him.

Remus squints up at the stars and then looks over at Sirius.

“That one’s mine,” Sirius says, pointing at a star.

“You’re just claiming a star?” Remus laughs.

“No, Remus, that’s literally my star,” Sirius chokes out between laughs. “I’m named after a star, you idiot. It’s the brightest one-- right there”.

“Oh! That makes more sense,” Remus whispers, staring at the star.

“My brother has one, too, you know?” Sirius asks, even though he knows the answer.

“Where is it?” Remus says, turning to him again.

“You can’t see it yet, but you will by the end of the month. His name is Regulus,” Sirius explains.

They fall quiet for a bit, but not in a tense way. The silence is peaceful, comfortable.

Remus breaks the silence when he asks, “So, why haven’t you seen your brother in years, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“He didn’t want the life that I have,” Sirius says simply. “Our parents didn’t give me a choice. They knew exactly who they wanted me to be, and as the oldest, I guess I felt obligated to please them. Also, doing as well as I do, it brought a lot of their focus onto me. Since they were so focused on me, he was able to live a somewhat normal life compared to me, and I wanted to make sure he did. As he got older, though, our parents started to put more pressure on him, and as much as I tried to keep him away, it was too much. He was on the road to train just as I did, but he just disappeared before his meeting with my team’s manager”.

Remus makes eye contact with Sirius to let him know that he’s listening. His eyes look soft and attentive, and it makes Sirius feel vulnerable, but not in a bad way.

“You’ll see him again, Sirius. I’ll make sure of it,” Remus says earnestly.

“Thank you, Remus, for tonight, for all of it. I haven’t been able to have this much fun in a long time,” Sirius whispers.

“I haven’t been able to be this brave in a long time,” Remus states.

“Thank you for helping me,” Sirius says. “It can’t be easy, so just-- thank you”.

“You’re making it easier,” Remus responds honestly, and turns his head back to look at the sky.

Sirius continues to watch Remus for a bit, and Sirius thinks the moon looks even more lovely without the water. They fall into a comfortable silence, just them, the moon, and the stars.

Chapter Text

Sirius Black          

Thursday, September 7th, 2023

Sirius leans sideways on James with a laugh, covering his mouth as he stirs the tomato sauce. Peter is leaned over the counter, covering his eyes with a groan and laughing weakly.

“You did what?!” James hollers.

“I ran straight into him, James,” Peter heaves, “Right into his chest like a K-Drama." 

“That’s the greatest thing I’ve ever heard,” James cackles.

“Dude, no! I almost body-slammed the Tom Riddle,” Peter whines, “I’m so gonna get fired."

“That’s what you get for being his assistant,” Sirius reasons, patting Peter on the shoulder.

“I like him, he’s just…terrifying!” Peter urges.

“Pete, you actually like him?” James asks, eyebrows raised.

“Well, yeah. I’ve always admired him, he literally owns the Formula One industry, and he gave me a job." 

“He’s like, literally evil,” Sirius mumbles pointedly.

“He might be stern, but he has to be,” Peter shrugs.

“So, what do you even do for him?” James asks, pouring the red sauce over spaghetti noodles.

“I’m kind of training to be a recruiter. I go out to other races and bring back notes and information on racers that would be a good asset for us,” Peter explains.

Sirius seasons his plate of spaghetti, humming happily when he takes the first bite. He nods at Peter’s plate, and Peter scoops a fork-full into his mouth, too.

“Sounds fun, Pete,” James says through his food.

James joins Peter, sitting at the counter and talking quietly while Sirius goes to the bathroom. Locking the door behind him, Sirius pulls out his phone and smiles at it, opening his messages.

_______________________________________________

Remus (moon)

I’ll see you tomorrow, then?

Me

do you work tomorrow?

Remus (moon)

No, just meet me at my place at four.

Me

whats tomorrows lesson professor?

Remus (moon)

Sirius, stop calling me that.

You’re driving tomorrow.

_______________________________________________

Sirius smiles and lets his thumbs hover over the screen for a moment before typing again.

_______________________________________________

Me

does that mean i get to take you somewhere this time?

Remus (moon)

I suppose it does.

Joy

Me

dont pretend like youre not excited

Remus (moon)

Yeah, yeah. I’ll see you tomorrow, Sirius.

Me

cya x

_______________________________________________

When Sirius gets back to the kitchen, James and Peter are staring at him curiously.

“What do you look so thrilled about?” James asks, raising his eyebrows playfully.

“Oh, God. None of your business,” Sirius drawls, hitting him on the back of his head.

“Pete,” James starts, turning to the blonde boy, “Our dear friend is hiding something from us. How does that one saying go?”

“Secrets don’t make friends?” Peter asks.

“Exactly! Sirius, secrets don’t make friends,” James insists, crossing his arms.

“You guys are children,” Sirius huffs.

“James,” Peter smiles, “Is Sirius texting super-secret gas station guy?”

“I think so, Pe-”

“No! I’m not! God forbid I appear joyful around you two!” Sirius whines.

“The day will come, my friend, where we get it out of you,” Peter teases.

James fist bumps Peter and they dissolve into laughter when Sirius groans and stomps off.

Remus Lupin

Friday, September 8th, 2023

Since last night, Remus hasn’t been able to stop thinking about Sirius’s message.

“Cya x”, what does that mean?! 

Chill out, he didn’t mean it like that. Did he? 

IT DOESN’T MATTER!

Of course it matters.

Remus sits on the couch with a book, ‘The Song of Achilles’ by Madeline Miller. He sees so much of himself in Patroclus; quietness, intelligence, but also his fury and passion. Achilles also feels oddly familiar, with his pride and stubbornness, but also his private softness and deep desire to please.

“I’m leaving for work in a few minutes, Remus!” Marlene yells through the wall before making her way to the living room, and he hums in acknowledgement.

“Remus?” Marlene questions, looking out the window to the parking lot.

“Yeah, what’s up?” Remus asks, sitting up and shoving a piece of loose paper between his pages to mark his place.

“Why is Sirius Black outside?” 

He checks the time; 3:15.

Why is he always early? Remus groans internally. 

“Ah- uhm,” Remus blows air out of his nose. “You want to meet him?”

Marlene rubs her temples before saying, “I’m really not gonna ask any questions. I don’t know how you do it, Remus Lupin."

He opens the door and hurries down the stairs, Marlene in tow. When they get outside, Sirius smiles at the sight of Remus, and his eyebrows raise when he sees Marlene.

“And who would this be?” Sirius asks, reaching a hand out to her.

“I’m Marlene,” she responds, shaking his hand.

“I’m Sirius, one of Remus’s friends,” Sirius says.

“I didn’t know Remus had friends,” Marlene laughs.

“Hey! I’m ri-” Remus huffs.

“I like her,” Sirius laughs, turning to Remus.

“Of course you do,” Remus mumbles, annoyed.

“Do you want to explain to me why Sirius Black is here for you?” Marlene interrogates.

Well, I got stuck with him because I agreed to race him after two years of not driving at all, only because he’s so infuriating and frustrating and pretty and…. And then he asked me to coach him because I won the race, and he wants to see his brother, Regulus, who’s also in the street racing world somehow? I thought he was kidding, but he wasn’t, and now I actually like spending time with him, so yeah, I’m screwed.

“Remus is teach-”

“Nope, I’d rather not,” Remus interrupts, giving Sirius a straight face.

“Well, okay then. It was nice to meet you, Sirius Black,” Marlene laughs, starting toward her car.

“Nice to meet you, too, Marlene! I like you already!” Sirius yells back.

Remus drags his feet back to the building, holding the door open for Sirius and leading him up to the apartment.

“Can I come in?” Sirius asks, stopping in the doorframe, and Remus hums in response.

Sirius gazes around the apartment for a moment, smiling softly. Remus watches him glide about the living room, messing with various little trinkets.

“Do you want a coffee?” Remus offers.

“Yes, please. Thank you,” Sirius answers without turning around. 

Remus pours scalding coffee into a wide, black mug, pushing it toward the edge of the counter before pouring his own. Into his own mug, one he accidentally stole from his favorite coffeeshop downtown, he scoops a sickening amount of sugar. Sirius sits comfortably at the kitchen counter, cradling the warm mug in his hand. A cloud of steam rises when he blows on it, attempting to cool it down. Remus watches warmly as Sirius wipes his nose with the back of his hand.

“How long have you lived with Marlene?” Sirius asks curiously.

“Since my accident, my dad kicked me out after that,” Remus explains.

Remus takes a sip of his own coffee, sending warmth down to his stomach.

“I’m sorry, Remus. Marlene seems like a good girlfriend, though,” he consoles.

Girlfriend?! HAHAHAH, MARLENE?!

“She’s not my girlfriend, we’ve just been friends since we were in middle school, so I knew I could rely on her,” Remus corrects.

“Good to know,” Sirius smiles, looking at Remus over the side of his mug as he takes a sip.

What does that mean? Why is that good to know? Why would he care?

Sirius Black

“Are you ready to go?” Remus asks, rinsing out each of their mugs.

“Yep! Let’s go!” Sirius exclaims, standing up quickly.

Sirius hops down the stairs and sighs happily when he feels the sun. The sleek black car had been his dream since childhood, and when he became a really successful racer, he was well-off enough to buy it for himself. With Remus in the seat next to him, Sirius’s nerves spike, wanting to impress Remus. When the car sparks on, Remus grins.

“Are you kidding me? What engine do you have in here?” Remus asks.

“I don’t actually know, whichever one it came with. My best friend, James, would know. He’s the only one I let touch it,” Sirius laughs.

“You’re telling me that you have an engine that sounds like that and you haven’t raced before?” 

“Guess so,” Sirius shrugs.

“What a waste,” Remus concludes.

“Well, I’m using it now, no? Better late than never."

“You’re right, you are,” Remus smiles.

“So,” Sirius starts, drumming on his steering wheel, “What am I learning today?”

“You’re just gonna drive,” Remus answers. “I’m going to observe you, like you did with me the other day, and I’ll give you tips while you do."

“Well, alright,” Sirius agrees, pulling onto the nearly empty street.

Sirius has always driven exactly like they teach you to in handbooks or drivers education classes, with perfect posture and hands resting at ten-and-two. Sirius has always done things exactly as he’s told, because he’d have no idea what to do without instruction.

“Alright, Sirius, what are you doing?” Remus asks, gesturing to Sirius’s entire body.

“Uhm- driving?” he laughs.

“You look like a senior citizen,” Remus adds, chuckling.

“That is not very nice. I’m just following the law,” Sirius scowls.

“Since when has street racing been about obeying the law? I fear that’s like, completely not the point."

“What am I supposed to do, then?” Sirius complains, holding his hands up in confusion.

“Look comfortable!” Remus laughs.

“How?!” he returns dramatically.

“Jesus-” Remus palms his forehead, “Just copy me, okay?”

Remus leans back in his seat a bit, spreading his legs wider and putting an arm on the edge of the window.

“You look stupid,” Sirius mumbles.

“Sirius, just do it. You’re way too tense,” Remus advises.

Sirius melts into his seat, gripping the wheel with one hand and letting his other fidget with a stray strand of hair. He relaxes muscles that he didn’t know he had been flexing, and lets out a sigh of relief.

“Better?” Remus smiles.

“Yeah, but why is that important, anyway?” Sirius asks, turning his head to look Remus in the eyes.

“If you want to drive like me- or even Evan, that guy you said you know,” Remus explains, “You can’t afford to be afraid of yourself. You have to trust that you know what you’re doing, Sirius. You drive the car, it doesn’t drive you."

Sirius nods, beginning to understand.

“I’m not saying that all laws are stupid. What I’m saying is that they don’t apply in that world. This kind of racing revolves around danger, and the only thing you can trust is that you can keep yourself out of it."

Sirius takes a sharp turn, trying to correct his bad habits, and Remus instructs him quietly.

“So, I couldn’t even trust you?” Sirius asks, chuckling.

“Not if you’re racing me, no,” Remus answers seriously. “Sometimes, we have to race people that we’ve never even seen or heard of, let alone raced against, so we have no way of knowing what kind of driver they are."

“If you know someone well enough to know their driving habits or weaknesses, you can use that against them?” Sirius questions.

“Absolutely, I actually encourage it,” Remus laughs.

“What are your weaknesses, professor?” Sirius asks cheekily.

“Why would I tell you that?” Remus rolls his eyes, and Sirius only hums.

Remus Lupin

“Too wide, Sirius, come on,” Remus groans.

“Say that one more time,” Sirius threatens, pointing at him angrily. “I dare you."

“I wouldn’t have to keep saying it if you stopped giving me reason to!” Remus yells.

“We’ve been doing this for hours, Remus,” Sirius complains, dropping his head back against the headrest. 

“Again. Go again,” Remus demands.

As Sirius locks his eyes on the turn ahead, he nods to himself.

“Delay your turn; you’re starting too early. Slow down slightly and turn the wheel more aggressively. Both hands for this, Sirius. Use hand-over-hand, and then loosen your grip and let the wheel turn itself back through your hands,” Remus directs.

Remus watches Sirius ease up on the gas and cross his left arm over his right to grab each side of the wheel. Remus’s eyes follow the line in the road and watch it break away, at the turn.

“Now,” Remus hurries.

Sirius’s eyes narrow with focus and determination. The wheel glides between his hands easily, and the car turns sharply, ending up perfectly in the lane.

“YES!” Remus shouts, and turns to Sirius, who’s grinning like a maniac.

“I did it! Did I do good?” Sirius asks, seemingly searching for validation in Remus.

“That was perfect. If you start doing that every time, no one’s gonna cut in front of you,” Remus reassures him.

“Not even you?” Sirius questions.

“Nobody except for me,” Remus corrects himself, smiling cheekily.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” Sirius drags. “Does that mean we can be done for the day?”

I don’t really want to be done, I like doing this with you.

“If you want to be,” Remus shrugs, “I could get some more reading done."

“Oh, no, you absolutely could not,” Sirius insists.

“Why not?”

“You said I could take you somewhere this time!” Sirius whines.

“Where?” Remus asks, laughing at how genuinely disappointed Sirius looks.

“Now, it wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you, would it?” Sirius responds.

Sirius turns on the radio, and Remus forgets for a moment all of the fear that spills from every crevice of his body. 

Twenty-nine pearls in your kiss

A singing smile

Coffee smell and lilac skin

Your flame in me

All he feels is right now, a kind of excitement he forgot he could have, if only he was brave enough. At this moment, though, he doesn’t have to be brave on his own. Sitting next to him, Sirius is humming to the music, so content to be where he is, next to Remus. His eyes follow the shiny black curls that dance in the wind, and the silver ring that catches the light as it peeks through clouds.

Twenty-nine pearls in your kiss

A singing smile

Coffee smell and lilac skin

Your flame in me

I'm only here for this moment

Remus stares at the side of Sirius’s face and the small black beauty mark under his bottom lip. When Sirius turns to him and smiles at him, he can’t help but return it.

I know everybody here wants you

I know everybody here thinks he needs you

I'll be waiting right here just to show you

How our love will blow it all away

Remus lets himself be taken away by all that is Sirius Black. He has no idea where he’s taking him, and frankly, he doesn’t care. Only when the car comes to a stop does Remus let himself smile, excited to see where Sirius has taken him. Sirius gets out of the car and leads Remus to a very dark building, only turning back to look at Remus once they get inside.

“You told me to share my stars-” Sirius explains, gesturing to a sign.

Los Angeles Planetarium, Remus reads.

“Well, this is me sharing my stars with you,” Sirius smiles.

“You took that very literally,” Remus laughs, amused.

“You don’t like it? We can go somewhere else,” Sirius frowns, scratching the back of his neck.

“No- no, Sirius, I was messing with you. It’s perfect. I’ve always wanted to go here,” Remus reassures.

“Oh, okay, perfect!” Sirius perks up, starting toward a dark room after purchasing a ticket for both of them. 

“They don’t play music in here, so it’s kinda eerily quiet. Do you want to listen to music with me?” Sirius asks, digging his earbuds out of his pocket and reaching one out to Remus.

“Sure,” Remus replies, putting it in his ear.

For a while, they just walk through each of the star-lit rooms. They read information off of signs on opposite sides of the room, walking around each other to look at everything at their own pace. Remus makes his way over to Sirius again, who’s turning a handle that lights up a model of the solar system, smiling like a child.

“So, you and your brother are both named after stars?” Remus asks.

“Yeah. Pretty much my entire family is named after something space-related,” Sirius laughs. “It’s kind of pretentious, if you ask me."

“At least they can stick to a theme,” Remus grins, and Sirius laughs.

Laugh again, he thinks.

“What does your name mean?” Remus asks.

“Sirius, the star, is a part of the Canis Major constellation. It means "Greater Dog", and is referred to as the Dog Star. The constellation is portrayed as one of Orion the hunter's two hunting dogs, as it follows him through the winter sky,” Sirius explains, sounding almost bitter. “I’ve never liked the meaning. Orion is my father’s name. I don’t like that I’m seen as his loyal dog who just does what he’s told."

“That’s what Canis Major means,” Remus points out. “I asked what your name meant."

Sirius looks at him funny, and Remus just smiles.

“Well, it’s the brightest star in the sky. When translated from its Greek word, it means glowing or scorching,” Sirius explains, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.

Remus listens attentively, finding it fascinating how many stories of stars Sirius must know.

“I think that’s really fitting,” Remus concludes, watching Sirius’s eyes soften.

He turns and goes into a different room, one with stars projected all over the walls and a bench in the middle. He sits down on the bench, and Sirius follows him, sitting down facing the opposite wall. They just watch for a moment, listening to the same song.

Oh, what can I do?

Life is beautiful, but you don't have a clue

Sun and ocean blue

Their magnificence, it don't make sense to you

“There’s Sirius,” Sirius points to a spot in front of him, and Remus cranes his neck back to look at it. 

Remus smiles for a moment before looking at Sirius, planting his hands behind him on the bench and leaning back.

“You’re right here,” Remus corrects.

Black beauty, ah-ah

Black beauty, ah-ah

Black beauty, ah-ah

“Not the same thing,” Sirius whispers, tilting his head to one side, a few hairs falling in front of his eyes.

Black beauty, ah-ah

Black beauty, ah-ah

Black beauty, baby

Black beauty, baby

“You’re right, it’s even better,” Remus whispers, leaning in like it’s a secret.

Sirius smiles softly, and Remus brushes the hair out of his face, not happy with the fact that he can’t fully see him. When Sirius turns back to the stars, his eyes linger exactly where they are. Sirius has shared his stars, and Remus has a favorite.

Oh, what can I do?

Life is beautiful, but you don't have a clue

Sun and ocean blue

Their magnificence, it don't make sense to you

Black beauty.

Chapter Text

Remus Lupin

Sunday, September 10th, 2023

Whispered something in your ear

It was a perverted thing to say

But I said it anyway

Made you smile and look away

Remus’s book flies from his hands when he hears a knock on the door. Marlene is at work, so he isn’t expecting anyone. His music is quiet, and his legs are numb from how long they’ve been slung over the armrest of the couch. Remus stands up with a groan and rubs his left hip, pulling the front door open while rubbing his eyes.

Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby

As long as you're with me, you'll be just fine

Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby

Nothing's gonna take you from my side

“Sirius?” Remus asks.

“Can I come in?” Sirius pleads with watery eyes, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.

“Sure, come on,” Remus eases, guiding Sirius in with a hand on his lower back. “Sit down.”

Sirius sits on the couch and puts his head in his hands, sighing softly.

“Do you want some tea? Coffee?” Remus questions, pacing around the kitchen.

“No, thank you,” Sirius chokes out, looking up at Remus. “Can you just- come here, please?”

When we dance in my living room

To that silly nineties R&B

Remus hurries over to the couch and sits next to Sirius, palms flat on his knees. Sirius opens his mouth, wincing when his breath catches in his throat.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Remus offers, putting a hand on Sirius’s leg. “I’m not great at this sort of thing, but I want to try.”

When we have a drink or three

Always end with a hazy shower scene

“It’s just-” Sirius starts, breaking off as he starts to cry.

Remus feels Sirius’s head lean against his chest, tears leaving temporary wet spots that will dry with time.

Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby

As long as you're with me, you'll be just fine

“Hey, hey-” Remus whispers, pulling Sirius’s head back with a hand on his cheek, “You’re okay. It’s okay.”

He stares into Sirius’s wet eyes and rubs a soothing thumb under his eye, collecting fallen tears. 

Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby

Nothing's gonna take you from my side

“You’re okay, Sirius, I’m right here,” he soothes.

Sirius squeezes his eyes shut before opening his mouth again.

“Remus, I don’t know what I’m doing, anymore,” Sirius whispers, leaning into Remus’s hand.

“What do you mean?” he asks.

“My last race went really badly,” Sirius starts, sniffling between words, “My coach told me to stay off the internet, but I didn’t. I feel so stupid.”

When we laugh into the microphone and sing

With our sunglasses on to our favorite songs

“You can’t let the things people say bother you so much,” Remus reasons.

“Remus- this is my whole life. It’s everything I am,” Sirius cries.

“You’re so much more than that.”

“Everybody thinks I don’t deserve my job,” Sirius mumbles.

He pauses for a moment to wipe his nose with the back of his hand.

“What if they’re right?” Sirius sniffles.

“They’re not. Of course you deserve it,” Remus comforts. “People online see people like you and tend to forget that you’re human, too.”

When we're laughing in the microphone and singing

With our sunglasses on to our favorite songs

“I just wish my life was different,” Sirius smiles sadly. “I used to want this so badly. I used to love it.”

“What’s changed?” Remus asks, shifting on the couch so that Sirius’s head is resting on his shoulder.

“I feel so isolated, now,” Sirius explains. “This career is expected of me, and I can’t even enjoy it anymore. My brother lives a completely different life without me, and I’m so afraid that he’s happier that way. I miss him so much, but I don’t want to disturb the peace he’s built. I don’t want to be a reminder of everything we went through.”

“You really think that?” Remus whispers. “Sirius, you’d only serve as a reminder of how much you loved and protected him. He did what he had to do to get out of an awful situation, but that has nothing to do with you. I’m sure he’s built his own life, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you in it.”

Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby

Nothing's gonna take you from my side

“I miss my brother, Remus,” Sirius sighs, closing his eyes.

Remus leans his head on top of Sirius’s, feeling his body rise and fall with each breath.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to decide my own life,” Sirius sniffles.

“What would you do, if your life was different?” Remus asks.

“I’d probably do this,” he starts. “I’d have some crappy part-time job, live with someone else so I could complain about their dirty dishes in the sink or the water they’d leave on the floor after a shower.”

“It’s not very glamorous,” Remus laughs.

“But it’s normal,” Sirius responds longingly.

“Have you ever thought about not racing anymore?” Remus questions, pulling back to look at Sirius as he bites his cheek nervously.

“It’s not that easy,” Sirius explains. “We sign contracts every season. This season is over before the end of the month, but my parents are going to hover over my shoulder until I sign for the next one.”

“But you don’t have to sign for another season, do you?” Remus asks, scratching at his neck.

“I don’t really have a choice,” Sirius shrugs.

“Why not?” Remus pushes.

“Remus, this is my life,” Sirius insists, lifting his head to look at Remus.

“It shouldn’t have to be,” Remus persists.

“I know! I just-” he chokes, “I know.”

They both go silent, and Remus holds his breath when Sirius puts his head back on his shoulder. For a few minutes, they just sit quietly. Remus feels so guilty for pushing Sirius, especially because he has no idea what it’s really like to live the way he does.

“I’m sorry I pushed you,” Remus breaks the silence. “You just don’t deserve to feel the way you do. You deserve freedom.”

“It’s okay, I think I need to be pushed sometimes. I can be very stubborn,” he mumbles.

“Sirius?” Remus starts, pulling away to look at Sirius again.

“Yeah?” he responds, eyes widening.

“Why’d you come here? Of all places...” Remus trails off.

Sirius looks at him deeply, making him feel vulnerable. He looks so genuine and soft.

“You’re just- good,” Sirius says honestly. “You’re so good, even though you’re infuriating. You’re different from anyone I’ve ever known before. With everyone else, I feel like they already have pre-existing ideas or expectations of me. With you, I feel real. You make me feel safe.”

Remus stares at him, mouth slightly open in shock.

“I know we just met, I’m sorry if that’s weird to s-” Sirius rambles.

“No,” Remus hurries, grabbing Sirius’s hand. “Sirius, that’s not weird. I’m- shocked, honestly. No one has ever said anything like that to me. Thank you.”

“Thank you for letting me in,” Sirius smiles. “Is the offer for coffee still on the table?”

Remus closes his eyes with a chuckle, but gets up to make the coffee anyway. For a few hours, Remus and Sirius sit on the couch together. Sirius has managed to collect a stack of books from Remus’ personal library that he finds interesting. Sirius eventually decides to open Good Omens by Terry Pratchett, and he falls quiet as he reads.

“What are you reading?” Sirius asks, peeking up over the top of his book.

“The Song of Achilles,” Remus explains without looking up from his page, “I’m almost done with it, though.”

“What is it about?” Sirius questions.

“Well, it’s about these characters, Achilles and Patroclus. Achilles is a demigod prince, and Patroclus is an exiled prince who’s sent to the kingdom where Achilles lives. They become really close, and then it talks about the Trojan War from their perspectives,” Remus explains, setting his book down to make eye contact.

Sirius nods along to each word, making Remus feel very heard.

“Can I read it when you’re done?” Sirius asks.

“Sure,” Remus smiles.

“You know,” Sirius starts, holding up his book, “I really like this Crowley guy.”

“Of course you do,” Remus chuckles.

Sirius Black

Wednesday, September 12th, 2023

Sirius drives into his friend’s driveway, smiling as the garage door opens, and an excited-looking James waves him up.

“James!” Sirius calls when he gets out of the car, practically jumping on his friend to hug him.

“Hey,” James smiles. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you, too,” Sirius confesses, scratching at his wrist.

“Is there a reason your car sounds awful?” James asks him.

“What do you mean?” Sirius questions.

“Well, it sounds like it’s having a hard time staying running. I heard your engine jumping from down the street,” James laughs.

“Oh, I didn’t notice, honestly. This is why I put my car in your hands,” Sirius chuckles at himself.

“Do you want me to take a look at it?” James offers.

“Sure!” Sirius responds.

“I’ll have to let it cool down for a bit before I can look at it,” James adds. “Do you want to try the cookies my mom dropped off the other day?”

“I missed seeing Effie?!” Sirius whines.

“I’m afraid you did,” James hums. “I tried to call you, but she got in pretty late, so I assume you were already asleep.”

“Awh, man,” Sirius pouts.

“You’ll see her next time, I’m sure of it,” James comforts.

“Yeah,” Sirius agrees. “Let’s go try those cookies, I’m famished!”

_______________________________________________

“You have absolutely no idea why your engine could potentially be misfiring?” James asks.

Sirius bites his lip and taps his boot against the cement, watching James look around under the hood.

“Nope,” Sirius lies.

“So,” James raises an eyebrow, “There’s no explanation for why your brand new spark plugs are actively decaying?”

He holds one up, a hand on his hip and an angry expression.

“I have no idea what that mea-” Sirius deflects.

“Sirius! Come on,” James whines, “I just changed these! What have you been doing?”

Sirius shrugs and gives him a clueless look.

“I haven’t seen you in days, and today, you come to me with your car sounding like my abuela’s 30 year old minivan?!” James exaggerates.

“I’ll pay for new spark plugs!” Sirius yells back.

“No, Sirius, you won’t. What you will do is tell me where you’ve been,” James demands.

“I’ve just been driving a lot more than usual,” Sirius shrugs.

“You’ve been gone for days. When you’re here, you’re distracted. Less than two weeks ago, you had the worst race of your entire career, and then, you saw your brother online. No less than a few days later, you come over and practically interrogate me, asking if I think you’re a good driver,” James recalls.

“Ye-” 

“No- I’m not done,” James interrupts, pointing at him firmly. “You started talking about street-racing after insisting that you will find a way to see Regulus again. Now, your car has gained hundreds of miles and needs parts that I just replaced. Sirius, I’m not an idiot. I’m going to give you one chance to tell me the truth.”

Sirius groans and covers his face with his hands, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Sirius.”

“Fine!” he yells, throwing his hands up in frustration. “I’ve been learning how to street-race so I can go see Regulus.”

“Excuse me?” James asks flatly, crossing his arms. “How exactly are you just learning something like that?”

“Someone’s teaching me,” Sirius confesses, looking down at his feet.

“Who?” James interrogates.

“Super-secret gas station guy,” Sirius whispers, suddenly feeling very warm.

“Oh, dear God, Sirius!” James yells, pacing around the garage while muttering curse words under his breath.

“Why are you so angry?” Sirius asks.

“This guy is a stranger, Sirius,” James points out. “I don’t know how many times I have to remind you that you’re literally famous! How can you possibly trust some guy you just met?”

“I just do! I can’t explain it, I just- James, you have to trust me,” Sirius pleads, eyes watering.

“Why didn’t you come to me?” James softens.

“You would’ve stopped me,” Sirius shrugs.

“Sirius, what are you doing? Is this really worth risking your entire career?” James asks softly.

“Regulus is worth everything,” Sirius confirms.

“Okay,” James nods. “I’ll support you in whatever you do, Sirius, just don’t be stupid.”

“That’s impossible,” Sirius laughs.

“Yeah, I don’t know why I even suggested that,” James chuckles, patting Sirius on the shoulder. 

James walks back to the car, sighing and wiping oil from his cheek.

“Sirius,” James calls, pointing to a couple of boxes, “Grab those spark plugs, all four of them.”

Sirius hands the boxes to him and looks down at his feet, still feeling very guilty for lying to his best friend. Sirius falls quiet while James works away under the hood. His head snaps up as his phone dings with a message.

_______________________________________________

Remus (moon)

Are you busy on Saturday?

Me

no why? i cant drive though so we cant do a lesson

im leaving my car with James for a few days

Remus (moon)

That’s okay, I didn’t want to do a lesson anyway.

This may sound crazy, but just consider it before declining.

Me

what is it?

Remus (moon)

I have to attend a wedding on Saturday, and my dad will be there, so I really don’t want to go by myself. Marlene is going, but she’s bringing her girlfriend. 

Absolutely no pressure, I know it’s short notice.

_______________________________________________

Sirius smiles at Remus’s rambling.

_______________________________________________

Me

yes

Remus (moon)

Yes?

Me

are you going to make me say it again

Remus (moon)

No, no, brilliant! Thank you! 

I’ll pick you up at four? Send me the address of wherever you’ll be.

Me

its a date x

_______________________________________________

“Hey, what are you smiling about?” James interrupts his peace.

“Nothing,” Sirius waves dismissively.

“What’s his name, Sirius?” James asks, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Remus,” Sirius mumbles while smiling.

“Sooooo,” James drags, “Why were you smiling all stupid?”

“He’s taking me to a wedding,” Sirius says shyly.

“Don’t you think it’s a bit early?” James jokes. “You just met the guy, at least go on a real date.”

It’s never too early, he thinks childishly.

“If I take him on a date, but he doesn’t know it’s a date, is it still a date?” Sirius asks.

“No, Sirius,” James cackles. “How could it be a date if he has no idea about it?”

“What if I’ve taken him somewhere really thoughtful and he moved my hair out of my face and shared headphones with me?” Sirius rambles.

“Are you speaking from experience?” James questions.

“Maybe,” Sirius mumbles.

“Oh man, you’re so screwed,” James laughs.

“What do I do?!” Sirius yells, groaning into his hands.

“I’m the last person you should ask,” James reasons. “I spent four years thinking I was in love with a girl, and then I dated her for a week before we both realized we’re gay, and that I was just jealous of the way she did her hair.”

“Bless you, Lily Evans, for all that is James’ beautiful curls,” Sirius exaggerates, ruffling his friend's hair.

James laughs and tugs at Sirius’ hair, making him yelp.

“Just go for it,” James shrugs.

“James, I’m 23, and I’ve never actually dated anyone. I’ve only kissed two people: My math tutor in freshman year, and you.” Sirius groans.

“Don’t sound so disappointed,” James pouts.

“Oh, don’t worry, honey muffin, it was lovely, truly. However, there’s only one person I really want, and it’s not you,” Sirius coddles.

“Ouch,” James jokes, clutching a hand over his heart. “I know it’s terrifying, but I can see that he makes you happy. He seems worth the fear, yeah?”

“He really is,” Sirius sighs, running a hand through his hair.

“You’re a weak, weak man, Sirius Black,” James chuckles.

“He’s so infuriating, sometimes!” he groans.

“Awh, you guys have so much in common!” James coos, and Sirius scowls.

__________________________________________

Saturday, September 16th, 2023

Sirius looks at himself in the mirror and narrows his eyes.

“You’ve got this,” he says, pointing at himself.

He takes a deep breath and pulls his hair back behind his shoulders, putting on silver earrings that hit his neck when he turns his head too quickly. 

I have to look perfect, he thinks.

“AGH!” he exclaims when he realizes his eyeliner has smudged.

He leans in so close to the mirror that it fogs up when he breathes. After accidentally poking his eye a few times, he cleans up the eyeliner. He’s been getting ready for hours and has tried on probably seven different pairs of pants. 

“Oh my god, I can’t do this,” Sirius groans, covering his face with his hands.

He runs a hand through his hair and messes with it until he’s satisfied with the way it looks.

_______________________________________________

Remus (moon)

I’m here. I know that I’m a little bit early, so take your time.

Me

i’ll be out in a minute

Remus (moon)

No worries.

_______________________________________________

Sirius stares at himself in the mirror for a few more seconds before going to meet Remus outside. The moment he makes it out the door, his jaw drops at how perfect Remus looks. His hair is a bit messy, and he’s wearing a lopsided smile. His hands are in his pockets, and his white button-up is slightly untucked on one side.

Oh, is he trying to kill me? Sirius thinks.

Chapter Text

Remus Lupin

“Wow,” Remus gasps, scanning Sirius with his eyes when he comes out of the house.

“What?” Sirius laughs, flattening his blazer with his palms.

Sirius is wearing an all black suit, which is clearly tailored to fit him perfectly. The pants make his legs look long and elegant, and the blazer hugs his waist. Tattoos on his wrists peek out from the bottom of his sleeves, and silver rings decorate slender hands.

“You look…beautiful,” Remus whispers, unable to take his eyes off of Sirius.

You’re beautiful, he corrects himself mentally.

Sirius is wearing eyeliner on his water line, and the tip of his nose is shiny. Remus has no idea how his nose looks glittery, but he knows he likes it. His eyelashes are unfairly long, and each blink takes Remus’ words further from his mouth. Silver star earrings dangle from his ears, peeking through long curls.

God, he’s radiant, Remus thinks.

“Well, thank you,” Sirius responds, redness biting his cheeks. “You look lovely, too.”

Remus turns bright red and coughs to clear his throat, opening the passenger side door for Sirius. Just like he always does, Sirius turns on the radio, this time connecting his phone to pick the music.

“Since when did you have music privileges?” Remus scolds.

“Since I knew you wouldn’t stop me,” Sirius smiles cheekily, tilting his head to the side.

Remus huffs and turns the volume up to tune him out.

She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes

And she can ruin your faith with her casual lies

And she only reveals what she wants you to see

She hides like a child but she's always a woman to me

Remus looks at Sirius with a grin, “I love this song.”

She can lead you to love, she can take you or leave you

She can ask for the truth but she'll never believe you

And she'll take what you give her as long as it's free

“I think it was the first full song I ever played on the piano,” Sirius adds.

“Will you play it for me some day?” Remus asks.

“Yeah, sure,” Sirius smiles. “Guess we’ll have to go back to that boardwalk, huh?”

“Oh, if we must, of course,” Remus exaggerates, humor in his voice.

I’d take you anywhere you ask, he thinks to himself.

And she'll promise you more than the garden of Eden

Then she'll carelessly cut you and laugh while you're bleeding

But she'll bring out the best and the worst you can be

Blame it all on yourself 'cause she's always a woman to me

“So, who’s the wedding for?” Sirius asks, turning his head to look out the window.

“Just from old friends from school, Molly and Arthur,” Remus hums.

Oh, she takes care of herself, she can wait if she wants

She's ahead of her time

Oh, and she never gives out and she never gives in

She just changes her mind

“I thought Marlene said you don’t have any other friends,” Sirius muses.

“You’re annoying,” Remus grumbles.

She is frequently kind and she's suddenly cruel

But she can do as she pleases, she's nobody's fool

“Hm,” Sirius starts, “I think you’re projecting.”

“Did you really-” Remus gasps, “You know what? Nevermind.”

But she's always a woman to me

Sirius Black

“Who’s this, Remus?” a woman in a dark red dress approaches with a grin.

“Oh, this is Sirius,” Remus says around the rim of his champagne glass.

“It’s nice to meet you, Sirius,” she says, extending a hand to him.

“It’s nice to meet you too-” he begins.

“Mary,” she fills in.

“Mary,” he repeats for good measure.

“Can I get you a drink, Sirius?” Mary asks, twisting a dark curl around her index finger.

Is she flirting with me? He wonders.

Mary is quite beautiful, really. She has freckled brown skin, tight curls, and a contagious smile. A gold hoop sits on one side of her nose and catches the light. Sirius thinks she seems lovely, but what he’s really worried about is how Remus’s arm keeps brushing up against his.

“That’s quite alright, Mary, I’ll grab him one. It was nice to see you, I’m sure I’ll see you some more tonight. Until then, Sirius and I are going to avoid my dad,” Remus says tightly.

“Ah, yes,” Mary smiles. “Have a lovely time, guys. Remus, don’t drink too much of the champagne, I remember how much of a lightweight you are.”

She turns on her heels and struts away toward a short girl with black hair, immediately drifting off into conversation with them.

“A lightweight, huh?” Sirius teases.

“I’m going to get you that drink, now,” Remus huffs.

Sirius laughs and leans against the wall, gazing around the lovely venue. The ceiling is covered in fake vines, and the tablecloths look like they were made by hand. Each table has a vase of different flowers, and none of the chairs lining them look like another. He smiles lightly and crosses his arms, basking in the warmth of the room and observing how content everyone seems in their conversation. When Remus approaches again, he stands up straighter.

“Here you go,” Remus says, holding out the drink to him.

“Thank you,” Sirius smiles.

Sirius takes a sip, making eye contact with Remus over the rim of the glass.

Remus Lupin

After the ceremony, Remus and Sirius find a quiet corner, and Remus begins telling stories of his friendships.

“What about Mary?” Sirius points.

“We met in seventh grade. She was one of those popular girls who grumbled a bit when she got partnered up with me for a science project. One day, I made a Star Wars joke and she laughed so hard that she knocked our entire project off the table, and we got detention. During detention, we spent hours talking about movies and comics, and then she invited me over to have a Star Wars marathon. We’ve been friends ever since, I just haven’t seen her in a while,” Remus explains.

“I have a confession, but you can’t be mad,” Sirius whispers, leaning in so that Remus can feel his breath on his neck.

“Don’t tell me you’ve never seen Star Wars," Remus pleads.

“I’m afraid I haven’t,” Sirius admits.

“WHAT?!” Remus exclaims.

Sirius cackles and covers his mouth.

“What about Fast and Furious?” Remus offers.

“Nope,” Sirius confesses, looking at him with soft amusement.

“That has to be changed,” Remus insists.

“Sure,” Sirius laughs. “We can watch your nerd movies.”

“They’re not nerd movies!” Remus argues. “They are cinematic masterpieces.”

“Oh, Remus,” Sirius cackles, slapping his own leg.

Remus huffs at how humorous Sirius is finding this.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” he grumbles.

__________________________________________

On the way to the bathroom, Remus is stopped by no less than ten people looking to catch up with him. Even worse, on the way out of the bathroom, he nearly walks straight into someone outside the door. When he looks up, it’s his father.

“Dad,” Remus breathes out.

“Son,” Lyall says in shock.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to almost run into you,” Remus rambles, stepping around him.

“That’s alright, Remus,” Lyall assures. “I didn’t know you’d be here. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you, son.”

“You’re the one who caused that,” Remus mumbles.

“Son, I was only-” Lyall starts.

“No, I don’t care, not anymore,” Remus lies.

“Remus?” Sirius calls, turning the corner.

Sirius locks eyes with him and then looks at his father, eyes widening at Remus’s pained expression. 

“Remus, are you okay?” Sirius asks softly.

“I’m fine,” Remus lies again. 

He starts to walk away from his dad when his arm is caught, and he snaps his head around sharply.

“Remus, I thought that making you leave might give you a wake up call! I thought it might keep you from racing again,” Lyall explains.

“Dad, I needed you! I almost died! I needed you,” he chokes out, suddenly feeling very small.

“I just wanted to keep you safe,” Lyall reasons.

I needed you, Remus thinks.

“A whole lot of good you did there,” Sirius scowls, stepping close to Remus and slipping an arm around his free arm, grounding him.

“Excuse me?” Lyall returns, looking appalled. “Who do you think you are?”

Lyall steps closer to Sirius, looking down at him angrily. Sirius flexes his jaw and looks up at him coldly.

“Don’t speak to him that way,” Remus pushes him back by his chest.

“Son-” Lyall retorts.

“No,” Remus pokes a finger to his chest, keeping him in place. “No.”

“Remus,” Sirius gets his attention by pulling on his arm, “Let’s just get away from him.”

Remus feels himself get pulled away by Sirius, and he turns his head back to look at his father, who looks baffled. 

Sirius Black

“Dance with me?” Sirius offers, holding a palm out to Remus.

Remus takes his hand, and warmth spreads up his arm, making his knees buckle for a moment. Sirius leads him to the dance floor and wraps his arms around Remus’s shoulders. Hesitant hands wrap around his waist, and he takes a deep breath before looking up at Remus through his eyelashes.

Ah, now I don't hardly know her

But I think I could love her

Crimson and clover

“Are you okay?” Sirius asks, putting a soothing hand on the back of Remus’s neck and scratching at the hair there.

Remus leans into his hand with a sigh, and Sirius watches the tension drain from his face. 

“I’m okay,” Remus whispers, frowning down at him.

“It’s gonna be okay. Just be right here. Be with me,” Sirius whispers, moving his head to the side to lay it on Remus’s chest.

Ah when she comes walking over

Now I've been waitin' to show her

Crimson and clover over and over

Sirius can hear his heartbeat. It’s slightly fast, but still steady. They sway to the music, and Remus leans more into Sirius, making him melt with a sigh. The entire room fades away, and all Sirius can feel is the warmth that radiates from the boy he has his arms around. He feels this overwhelming urge to take care of Remus, to get rid of that slight frown on his face.

“Why’d you come looking for me, anyway?” Remus asks softly in his ear, and Sirius feels chills down his spine.

“You were just gone for longer than I expected,” Sirius shrugs against him. “I felt a little awkward standing in the corner by myself.”

“I’m really sorry you had to see that,” Remus sighs.

“Don’t you dare apologize, Remus,” Sirius insists. “When I saw your face, I just got so angry. There’s no excuse for what he did to you, especially when you needed him the most. It’s just- I’m so sorry, Remus.”

Yeah, my, my such a sweet thing

I wanna do everything

What a beautiful feeling

Crimson and clover over and over

Sirius closes his eyes and puts his head into the crook of Remus’s neck, smelling his woody cologne.

“You know,” Remus starts, pulling back and looking at Sirius, “I really never thought I’d drive again.”

“What changed?” Sirius asks, tilting his head to the side.

“You,” Remus smiles, flattening a hand on his back.

Crimson and clover over and over

Crimson and clover over and over

“I wasn’t aware I had such an impact on you,” Sirius grins.

“Oh, you don’t even know,” Remus says, and Sirius gasps.

Remus tightens his grip on Sirius’s waist, and Sirius swears he could pass out right now.

Crimson and clover over and over

Crimson and clover over and over

Remus’s face is really close to his now, and Sirius can feel each warm breath leave his mouth. His eyes roam Remus’s skin, the beautiful scars and dark brown eyes that burn like amber. Sirius slips a hand down and intertwines their fingers at his side.

“You’re lovely,” Sirius whispers, staring at Remus’s lips.

Before he can process anything, Remus is surging forward and capturing Sirius’s lips in a kiss. His lips are so warm and gentle, and Sirius nearly falls backward with the force of it all. A hand travels to Remus’s hair and pulls him closer.

Crimson and clover over and over

Crimson and clover over and over

When the song comes to an end, Remus pulls back, his eyes still closed. Sirius lets go of Remus’s hand and puts his fingers to his lips, still feeling the heat of the kiss.

“Oh, god,” Sirius mumbles, suddenly feeling very ill.

I’ve ruined everything, he kicks himself mentally.

“Sirius-” Remus says as Sirius begins to pull away from his touch.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius whispers, tears welling up in his eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

He turns away from Remus and starts to run at the door, a hand covering his mouth as if to savor the lingering kiss.

“Sirius, wait!” Remus calls, and his ears start to ring.

You’ve ruined a good thing, he thinks. He’s going to hate you.

Remus Lupin

“Sirius! Sirius!” Remus yells frantically, looking around every corner.

It’s dark outside, the only light being from old light poles and the stars above him. He spots Marlene leaning against a white brick wall with a cigarette in her hand, and he runs up to her.

“Have you seen Sirius?” he forces out between hiccups.

“Yea- Remus, are you okay?” Marlene asks, stepping closer to him with concern.

“Tell me where he went, Marlene!” Remus rasps, stepping back.

“Okay, okay! He went that way!” she hurries, pointing toward a brightly lit path.

Remus immediately starts running down the path, stopping only for a moment when he sees a  white gazebo. Squinting, he can see a head of black curls faced away from him. The music from inside can be heard even out here. He walks quietly as if not to spook Sirius. When he makes it to the stairs of the gazebo, he sighs in relief.

“Sirius,” Remus whispers, and Sirius’s head snaps toward him, face covered in tears.

Sirius wipes his tears with the back of his hands and sits up straighter. When he looks at Remus, his lip is quivering in the saddest way.

“Why’d you run away?” Remus mumbles, leaning against one of the poles and looking down at his feet in embarrassment.

“I took advantage of you in a weak moment, I’m- I’m sorry,” Sirius sniffles.

“First of all,” Remus starts, pointing at him, “Vulnerability isn’t weakness.”

“Bu-” Sirius interrupts.

“No,” Remus cuts him off. “Second of all, I kissed you.”

Sirius looks up at him with a confused look on his face. He tilts his head to the side, and Remus raises his eyebrows at him.

“You did?” Sirius asks, seeming genuinely unsure.

“Yes, I did,” Remus confirms. 

“But I thought-” Sirius starts, cutting himself off with a groan.

“Did I make you uncomfortable? Should I not have kissed you?” Remus rambles, stepping closer to Sirius.

“No! No, absolutely not. I really wanted to kiss you,” Sirius hurries, standing up and rushing over to Remus. “I mean- I have for a while, I just thought that I was the one who kissed you. I didn’t want to take advantage of you when you were being vulnerable with me, and I immediately freaked out thinking I ruined things. I’m sorry.”

Remus reaches a hand out and cups Sirius’s cheek softly, wiping a tear from under his eye.

“Sirius,” Remus whispers, rubbing soothing circles on his cheek with his thumb, “I promise I wanted to kiss you. It was my choice.”

“You wanted to kiss me?” Sirius asks softly.

“I’ve wanted to kiss you for as long as I’ve known you,” Remus whispers like it’s a secret. “I felt like I was being pretty obvious, but I guess not.”

“Well, now I just look stupid,” Sirius mumbles.

Remus slips his hands down to hold Sirius’s waist, feeling Sirius lean into him at the touch. Sirius clutches the front of his shirt, and Remus gives him a lopsided grin.

Remus teases, “You always look stup-”.

“Oh, shut up,” Sirius scoffs, cutting him off with a kiss.

Sirius pulls him in by the back of the neck, and Remus laughs into the kiss. When they both pull away, Sirius is looking up at him, and the brightness of his eyes puts even the sun to shame.

“Let me go say goodbye to a couple people, yeah?” Remus offers. “Go wait by the car.”

“Okay, don’t take long,” Sirius mumbles, starting back down the path.

__________________________________________

“Hey, Marls,” Remus drags out, a guilty smile plastered on his face. “I’m sorry for- uhm- yelling at you a bit earlier.”

“Ah, already forgiven, my dear friend,” Marlene slurs, patting him on the shoulder.

“Are you drunk?” Remus asks, amused.

“Quite!” Marlene giggles, slinging an arm around him. “I’m gonna stay with Dorcas tonight, mmkay?” 

“Alright, Marls,” he laughs.

She leans into him with a chuckle, and her entire body goes limp.

“Dorcas!” Remus yells, spotting her saying goodbye to some friends. “Can you come get her, please? I think she’s crushing me.”

Dorcas laughs, looking at Marlene adoringly before coming over to them. She lifts Marlene off of Remus and smiles.

“Have a good night, Remus, I’ve got her from here,” Dorcas chuckles.

“Have a good night. Don’t let her have any cigarettes no matter how much she begs for one,” Remus laughs.

Sirius Black

“Do you want me to take you home?” Remus asks, turning down the radio.

“Not really,” Sirius shrugs. “Can we go back to your place?”

“Sure,” Remus smiles at him, turning back to the road.

“Perfect, now tell me more about that book you’re reading,” Sirius insists.

“Okay, so-” Remus starts excitedly.

Sirius is content to just listen to his voice the whole way home, watching his lips and how they form each word. He looks at the moon for a moment, and it looks like it’s glowing.

Always more beautiful without the water, he thinks. Oh, how lucky the tides must be to feel the moon’s embrace.

__________________________________________

Remus holds the front door open for him and grabs clothes for Sirius to change into. The brown plaid pajama pants drag on the floor, and the white shirt smells like Remus. Sirius goes straight to the couch, but before he can even sit down, Remus grabs his hand to stop him.

“Nope,” Remus says before turning to his CD player.

All the fear and the fire

Of the end of the world

Happens each time a boy falls in love with a girl

Happens great, happens sweet

Happily, I'm unfazed here, too

Sweet music fills the room, and Sirius can’t help but smile at Remus. He’s radiating warmth in sweatpants and a dark green sweater. Remus pulls him closer and leads him to sway with the music.

Wasteland, baby

I'm in love

I'm in love with you

“I want a do-over,” Remus whispers.

All the things yet to come are the things that have passed

Like the holding of hands, like the breaking of glass

Like the bonfire that burns, that all words in the fight fell to

Sirius laughs and lets all of his thoughts drift away, thinking only of this moment.

Wasteland, baby

I'm in love

I'm in love with you

Sirius moves his head to rest it on Remus’ chest, swaying gently and closing his eyes. Remus smells of wood and coffee. He feels like a warm fire on an autumn evening.

And I love too

That love soon might end

Be known in it's aching

Shown in the shaking

Lately of my wasteland, baby

Be still, my indelible friend

You are unbreaking

Though quaking

Though crazy

That's just wasteland, baby

“I’ve never done this before,” Sirius whispers, looking up slowly.

“Danced with someone?” Remus asks.

“Wanted someone,” Sirius corrects.

And the day that we'll watch the death of the sun

That the cloud and the cold and those jeans you have on

Then you'll gaze unafraid as they sob from the city roofs

Remus smiles lightly and puts his forehead on Sirius’s.

“Just don’t run away this time,” Remus hums.

Wasteland, baby

I'm in love

I'm in love with you

Remus pulls back and spins Sirius, pulling him back in with gentle hands.

And I love too

That love soon might end

And be known in it's aching

But shown in the shaking

Lately of my wasteland, baby

Be still, my indelible friend

You are unbreaking

Though quaking

Though crazy

That's wasteland, baby

Sirius sighs and lets Remus guide him in slow circles.

“Are you getting tired?” Remus whispers, pushing a strand of hair behind Sirius’s ear.

“Mhm,” Sirius hums.

And when the stench of the sea and the absence of green

Are the death of all things that are seen and unseen

Not an end, but the start of all things that are left to do

As the song comes to a close, they fall down onto the couch. Sirius feels an arm wrap around his waist, and his legs intertwine with Remus’s. The world fades away as his eyes flutter shut, and all he can think of is the moon.

Wasteland, baby

I'm in love

I'm in love with you

Chapter Text

Remus Lupin

Sunday, September 17th, 2023

“Remus,” Marlene whispers, making Remus jump as he walks out of the bathroom.

“Oh, hey,” Remus smiles, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

He runs a hand through his messy hair, yawning as he leans on the door frame.

“I just went into your room to bother you, and Sirius Black was asleep in your bed,” Marlene gapes.

“Ah, yes, he is,” Remus smiles dopily. 

“Do you want to explain yourself, or-” Marlene gestures wildly.

“It’s not what it looks like, I swear!” Remus hurries. “Well, we kissed last night. He fell asleep on the couch, so I carried him to my bed. I hope you don’t mind I took your bed for the night.”

Marlene gasps, “YOU KISSED SIRIUS BLACK?!”

“I suppose I did,” Remus laughs, scratching the back of his neck.

Marlene grabs his shoulders and begins to shake him, all while giggling. She shrieks loudly, and Remus winces.

“Are you dating?” she asks excitedly.

“We haven’t really talked abo-”

“Good morning,” Sirius yawns through a smile, and Remus can tell that he’d heard the end of their conversation.

“Good morning,” Remus returns before narrowing his eyes at Marlene in warning.

She gives him a teasing smile and ruffles his hair. 

“Mornin’,” Marlene hums while picking up her keys. “I’m gonna go. Be good, kids.”

Marlene winks at Sirius, and Remus groans in embarrassment. When she shuts the door behind her, Remus looks up at Sirius hesitantly. 

“How much of that did you hear?” Remus asks quietly.

“Enough,” Sirius laughs, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek before sprawling out on the couch. “Now, make me coffee!”

Sirius looks so comfortable and at ease. There’s a hint of blush to his cheeks, and a light smile that makes Remus’s knees buckle.

“Bossy, bossy, bossy,” Remus grumbles, but he listens.

__________________________________________

“What happened at your last race that made it so bad?” Remus asks through a spoonful of cereal.

“I crashed,” Sirius says nonchalantly, taking a sip of coffee.

“WHAT?!” Remus nearly chokes.

Remus drops his spoon on the counter with a ding, and he gapes at Sirius.

“Yeah,” Sirius starts. “It wasn’t that bad, but it was enough to earn a scolding from Mother Dearest.”

“I’ve been sitting here whining about me when you’ve been through the exact same thing?” Remus gasps.

“Respectfully, I didn’t almost die,” Sirius reasons. “I bruised my ego, but that’s it.”

“You’re actually gonna go back after that?” Remus asks softly.

“There are people expecting me,” Sirius shrugs. 

Remus deflates and slouches over the counter.

“Is that what you want? Does it make you happy?” Remus whispers.

Sirius sighs and looks at Remus sadly.

“I know it’s not ideal, but it’s all I’ve ever known,” Sirius admits. “I don’t have a choice.”

“You keep saying that, but you do have a choice,” Remus insists. “I know it feels like you don’t, but you do.”

“I don’t know what else to do!” Sirius cries.

“You can stay like this! Race with me! You’re good at it, and I know you love it, too!” Remus pleads.

Stay with me, he adds mentally.

“It’s not that easy, Remus!” Sirius yells.

“You’re making yourself miserable! I see how you are when you’re in the car with me,” Remus explains. “You’re happy, Sirius. This is your choice to make, but I just want you to be happy.”

Remus cups Sirius’s cheek and smiles weakly, tucking a stray curl behind his ear. He traces his thumb under a beautiful gray eye.

“How do I make a decision like that?” Sirius whispers.

“When it comes down to it, you’ll know what you want,” Remus whispers.

Please want me, Remus pleads silently. Please stay with me.

Sirius Black

Tuesday, September 19th, 2023

Sirius makes a perfect turn, preventing Remus from cutting in front of him. He’s truly gotten a lot better over the last few weeks. He’s been working so hard, and it’s paying off. Sirius laughs to himself, so genuinely proud of his improvement. Since his conversation with Remus a few days ago, Sirius has been distracting himself with lessons so he doesn’t have to think about it. Of course, Sirius doesn’t want to go back, but we don’t always get what we want.

“Not bad, huh?” Sirius grins, leaning against his car. 

“Sirius,” Remus smiles, shutting his own car door, “That was like, literally perfect.”

“Really?” Sirius gasps.

Remus approaches him and pulls him closer by his waist, forcing a giggle from his mouth.

“Yes, really,” Remus assures. “I think you’re ready.”

“OH MY GOD!” Sirius jumps excitedly, throwing his arms around Remus’s neck and kissing him. “WHEN?”

“There’s a race on Friday,” Remus laughs. “Are you okay with that?”

“YES!” Sirius yells, dancing happily. “THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!”

_______________________________________________

Me

JAMES!! JAMES!! JAMES!! JAMES!!

Jamie

YES YES YES YES

Why are we excited

Me

I’M RACING ON FRIDAY! I’M FINALLY GOING TO SEE REGULUS!!!!!!

Jamie

NO WAY! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I’m going with you

Me

REALLY?

Jamie

Wouldn’t miss it for the world :)

Pete wants to know if he can come

Me

YES YES!

Would you mind taking Pete and meeting me there?

Jamie

Not at all! We’ll see you then :D

Me

oh btw Remus and I kissed

Jamie

WHAT!? OH MY GOD TELL ME EVERYTHING

_______________________________________________

Sirius smiles down at his phone again, feeling eternally grateful for the friends he has in his life, and for Remus. Since his last race, he really has changed. Taking this time off has been extremely freeing, and he’s dreading having to go back. Every cell in his body wants to stay here with Remus, find his brother, and slow dance to love songs with a stomach full of warm coffee.

“Did you like me when we first met?” Sirius asks.

She looks just like an angel

When she walks across the room

She shines tonight her golden light

Is everything I need

“Yes, I did,” Remus laughs. “I thought you were quite adorable, actually.”

Heat gathers in his cheeks, and he smiles shyly.

“What about the second time?” he questions.

“Ah, that time,” Remus points out, “I wanted to punch you in the face a little bit.”

Remus sits across from him and wraps his flannel around the back of the cafe chair. In the warm lighting of the coffee shop, Remus looks absolutely unreal. Sirius wishes he could count each of the freckles on his face and memorize their place.

“If it makes you feel any better, I would’ve let you,” Sirius grins.

“There’s something seriously wrong with you,” Remus gapes.

“So I’ve been told,” Sirius smirks.

Lovers all around her

She wears them like her jewels

My friend said she's all he needs

To feel alive

He takes a bite of his croissant, which is freakishly delicious, and that’s coming from a French guy. He closes his eyes with a hum, and Remus is looking at him so softly that it makes Sirius nervous. Sirius bites his lip between his teeth, suddenly thinking of his brother.

“Something on your mind?” Remus asks between bites.

“I’m okay, I’m just thinking,” Sirius sighs. “I’m nervous for Friday.”

“Nervous about Regulus, or nervous about racing?” Remus questions.

“Both,” he hums.

“You’re a great racer, and you’re a great brother. It’s gonna be okay, I promise. I’ll be there with you, okay?” Remus comforts.

Love songs on the radio

Your sweetheart lies in bed

She's dreaming of the things he said

She's hoping that it's meant

Remus Lupin

Thursday, September 21st, 2023

“Hey, get up,” Remus urges, leaning over Sirius and grabbing him by the chin.

“Aagh-” Sirius groans, turning to his other side and pulling the blanket over his head.

Remus lifts Sirius’s legs and sits down, letting the legs drape over his lap. He drags a hand up Sirius’s leg and reaches up to pull the blanket down so he can see his eyes.

“Sirius,” Remus whispers.

“Go away,” Sirius huffs, licking his lips that are dry from sleep.

“I got you a present,” Remus drags out.

Sirius’s eyes snap open in curiosity.

“What’d you get?” Sirius asks, clearing his throat.

Remus reaches behind his back and finds the cold RedBull he’d left to get this morning. Sirius’s eyes widen, and he grins excitedly at Remus. Sirius yanks it from his hands and sighs longingly at the can. He opens it with a big pop and smiles as he takes a sip.

“Remus, my love,” Sirius sighs dramatically, grabbing Remus’s cheek, “You’re an absolute angel.”

Remus smiles shyly and leans into his hand. Sirius surges forward and kisses Remus, carding a hand through his hair. Remus pulls back, and Sirius lets his head fall to the side curiously. 

“I don’t like that flavor,” Remus frowns, his lip quirking up disgustedly.

“You do like me, though,” Sirius smirks, leaning in until Remus can feel warm breath on his lips.

“Mmmm,” Remus hums, staring at Sirius’s lips. “I tolerate you.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” Sirius teases, leaning in to kiss Remus again, smiling through it.

This time, Remus lets himself sink into it, not even minding the flavor anymore. Maybe he does like it, or maybe he just likes Sirius. Remus leans his forehead against Sirius’s, just breathing the same air and feeling his warmth.

“I’m gonna go see James today,” Sirius breaks the silence, planting a kiss on Remus’s cheek before standing up quickly.

“Okay,” Remus smiles up at Sirius.

Sirius sighs and slumps his shoulders, smiling as he puts a hand on Remus’s cheek and leans down to kiss his forehead.

“Can I come back here after?” Sirius asks, picking up his RedBull. 

“Of course,” Remus responds.

Remus smiles softly as Sirius grabs his keys and walks out the front door, leaving Remus alone on the couch. He runs a hand through his hair and touches his lips, savoring Sirius’s kiss.

Sirius Black

“Honey, I’m home!” Sirius sing-songs, dropping his keys on the table by the door.

“Sirius!?” James yells from across the house.

Sirius crosses his arms over his chest and waits to hear hurried footsteps getting closer, grinning wildly when James pops his head around the corner.

“Oh, how I’ve missed you!” James says dramatically, running toward Sirius and lifting him up in a quick spin.

“James!” Sirius chokes out, pounding his fists on James’s back. “Put me down!”

James laughs and sets him down softly, flattening his shirt with his palms. Sirius feels himself being dragged away by his friend, laughing warmly. James sits him down on the couch and hurries to the kitchen, coming back and pushing a cup of warm tea into his hands.

“Spill,” James grins.

“Spill what?” Sirius laughs, setting the cup on the coffee table.

“Hello?!” James gestures widely. “Remus!”

Heat creeps up Sirius’s neck, and he covers his face nervously. A giggle escapes his mouth, and James cackles.

“Jamessss-” Sirius drags softly.

“Tell me everything!” James smiles.

“We kissed on Saturday,” Sirius whispers, fidgeting with his rings.

“How?” James asks.

Sirius groans and drops his face into his palms.

“We were dancing at the wedding, and he kissed me,” Sirius giggles.

“AHHHH SIRIUS! WHAT THEN?!” James urges.

“I ran away,” Sirius mumbles.

James’s smile slowly melts from his face, and he pinches the bridge of his nose with a sigh.

“But, he ran after me and we kissed again,” Sirius cuts off James’s groan.

Sirius smiles weakly and shrugs.

“You’re a mess,” James sighs.

“Ah, yes,” Sirius agrees.

James looks at Sirius with a blank face and pats his knee. Sirius reaches for his tea and sips the bitter liquid, wincing as he swallows it.

“Hey, that stuff is good for you,” James points out.

“It tastes like it’s good for you,” Sirius mumbles.

James scowls at him and kicks his feet up onto the coffee table, switching on the TV. The channel it opens on is the Formula One update channel, and Sirius flinches at the sound of his mother’s voice.

“Are you confident in your son’s ability to come back stronger for qualifiers this weekend?” the interviewer asks, pointing his microphone at Walburga.

“Absolutely, I am,” Walburga smiles, and Sirius glares at her through the screen. “Sirius had a slip-up in the last race, but I can promise you and everyone else that no such thing will happen again.”

James scoffs and rolls his eyes at her words. 

“Lucius Malfoy has been rising through the ranks rapidly this season,” he points out. “Is this something that worries you? Is Sirius prepared to go up against him?”

“He’s only doing so well this year because Riddle loves him,” Sirius bites.

“Lucius is of no threat to us- to him,” Walburga corrects herself. “We’re aware of Lucius’s talent, but Sirius has been named the best racer in the league for a reason. I know that he’ll continue to prove himself to everyone watching this weekend.”

“You have nothing to prove to these people, Sirius, especially her,” James says firmly. “Your mother is the most conniving, two-faced woman I’ve ever seen.”

“And I’m her legacy,” Sirius sighs.

“It’s your life,” James reasons. “You don’t owe anyone anything. What do you want?”

“I don’t know,” Sirius whispers honestly.

James sits up and puts an arm around Sirius, and Sirius leans into him.

“You’ll figure it out, yeah?” James smiles. “You’ll know what you want when it comes down to it.”

“That’s what Remus said,” Sirius scowls.

“He sounds like a smart guy,” James laughs and starts toward the kitchen, obviously ignoring Sirius’s annoyance.

Sirius groans and sprawls out on the couch, picking at loose threads from the cushion.

“You’re gonna kill the race tomorrow, and then you’ll kill qualifiers!” James yells from the kitchen. “And I can’t wait to see it!”

Sirius laughs quietly and downs the rest of his tea with a groan.

You’ll figure it out, Sirius reassures himself.

Chapter Text

Sirius Black

Friday, September 22nd, 2023

From the moment he opened his eyes, Sirius has been buzzing with anticipation. Today is the day he’s finally going to see his brother again. He’s insanely nervous, but excited at the same time. He’s sprawling on the couch with a blanket barely covering his legs.

“Do you need anything before I shower?” Remus asks, throwing a towel over his shoulder.

“No,” Sirius smiles. “Don’t take long.”

Remus bends down, his smile gentle, and scatters a constellation of soft kisses across Sirius’s face until laughter bubbles out of him.

“Go, go!” Sirius laughs, pushing Remus off of him. “You stink!”

Sirius fans the air in front of his nose with exaggerated drama, then flashes Remus a mischievous grin.

He’s so beautiful, Sirius thinks. 

Remus shuts the bathroom door, and Sirius turns to lie on his side, turning on some music.

The only time I got to prayin' for a red light

Was when I saw your destination as a deadline

"This is normal conversation, babe, it's all fine"

Makin' quiet calculations where the fault lies

This is good land, or at least it was

It takes a strong hand and a sound mind

Sirius scrolls to the album on his phone filled only with pictures of him and Regulus. For years, Regulus was the only family Sirius truly claimed, and now, he has hope—he might get his brother back.

The college kids are gettin' so young, ain't they?

They're correctin' all the grammar on a spray paint

And I even gave up drivin' after nightfall

I got tired of the frat boys with their brights on

This is good land, or at least it was

It takes a strong hand and a sound mind

Sirius aches with longing for his brother, but pride swells in his chest—Regulus escaped and built the kind of life Sirius only ever imagined.

It makes me smile to know when things get hard

Ooh, you'll be far

Ooh, you'll be far from here

And while I clean shit up in the yard

Ooh, you'll be far

Ooh, you'll be far, far from here

Scrolling, he lands on a photo of them as young boys, sitting in a black Camaro. Sirius is in the driver's seat, legs dangling over the edge, laughter and joy consuming his face. Regulus is in the passenger seat, staring at Sirius with stars in his eyes, just as joyful as he is.

So, pack up your car, put a hand on your heart

Say whatever you feel, be wherever you are

We ain't angry at you, love

You're the greatest thing we've lost

In the next photo, Sirius is holding Regulus gently, a hand smoothing the dark curls on his head. Regulus looks so comfortable, and Sirius looks so proud to be with his brother.

The birds will still sing, your folks will still fight

The boards will still creak, the leaves will still die

We ain't angry at you, love

We'll be waitin' for you, love

Sirius blinks, and tears fall from his eyes. He remembers how Regulus used to quietly slip into his bed on stormy nights, pulling the blanket up over his eyes.

And we'll all be here forever

And we'll all be here forever

We sure will

Sirius can’t help but wonder if Regulus thinks of him, and how often he might. He wonders if Regulus scrolls through photos and threatens tears every time his name slips from his lips. Sirius will do anything to get his brother back. Today, he finally has his chance.

_____________________________________

“It’s alright,” Remus comforts, squeezing Sirius’s hand. 

Suddenly, his jewelry feels heavy, and his shirt is threatening to choke him. He swallows harshly and holds onto Remus like he’s the only thing tethering him to the moment.

“Remus!” he hears Marlene shout, and Remus’s face lights up with a grin.

Sirius lets himself be led, glancing around at the street lights and the fancy cars. He can’t help searching the crowd for a pair of gray eyes like his own.

“Sirius, it’s good to see you!” Marlene shouts over revving cars.

“Good to see you, too,” Sirius smiles.

“This is my girlfriend, Dorcas,” she introduces, pulling Dorcas away from her conversation with someone else.

When they lock eyes, her eyes widen and her mouth falls open.

“Sirius Black?” Dorcas gapes. “What’s Sirius Black doing here?”

“Please just call me Sirius,” he insists. “Also, I’m here to race. I’m here with Remus.”

Sirius looks up at him for comfort, holding onto his arm tightly. It’s quite dark outside, but Remus is so bright.

“It’s nice to meet you, Sirius. I’m a huge fan,” she responds.

“Thank you,” Sirius smiles warmly. “Have you seen someone named Regulus?”

“Ah, no, I haven’t,” Dorcas responds. “I know him, but I haven’t seen him yet tonight.”

Remus falls into conversation with Marlene, and Sirius watches him. Sirius loves the way his sharp canine teeth fold over his bottom lip when saying certain words. Remus often speaks with his hands, so expressive and invested in conversation.

“Sirius!” he hears James shout from behind.

Sirius turns around with a wide grin, grateful that his friends are here to see him.

“Jamie! Pete!” Sirius yells, gesturing for them to come closer.

Before they reach Sirius, James suddenly stops walking, and the smile drains from his face. Sirius drops Remus’s arm and rushes toward his friend with concern.

“James?” Sirius starts, but James stares right over his shoulder. 

Behind him, he hears everyone laughing.

“Marle-” James gasps, his voice breaking off at the end.

Marlene’s head snaps up, and she exhales shakily.

“James?” Sirius hears her say faintly.

James and Marlene start toward each other without another word, meeting in the middle. James wraps his arms around her tightly, and her head falls into the crook of his neck, a broken sound escaping her mouth.

“God-” James chokes out, putting his hands on her shoulders.

“What are you doing here?!” Marlene exclaims.

“I’m here to see Sirius race,” he smiles.

Sirius stares at the two in shock, utterly confused as to how they know each other.

“Okay, wait,” Sirius starts. “What’s going on here? You know him? You know her?”

“Sirius, she was my neighbor when I was a kid, the one I told you about,” James laughs. “She’s the one who had a crush on my mom.”

“Yeah, man. That never went away,” she confesses.

“Hey!” he hears Dorcas shout from far away, and Marlene holds her hands up in defense.

“James, I’m so glad you’ve decided to come back,” Marlene says softly.

“Wait wha-” Sirius starts to question.

“Peter,” a tall man calls, cutting him off, and Peter goes to him.

They fall into whispered conversation, and Sirius doesn’t give it much thought. Sirius grabs James’s arm and drags him back to the group of people he’d been with before. Marlene talks animatedly to Dorcas and James, introducing the two. Sirius slips an arm around Remus and melts into his side, feeling warm when Remus leans down to kiss his forehead.

“James, this is Remus,” Sirius says, tapping his friend’s shoulder to get his attention.

“Hey, man!” James shouts, pulling Remus into a hug quickly and patting his back. “I’ve heard so much about you!”

When Remus pulls back, Sirius laughs at the look of terror in his eyes. Remus clears his throat and smiles.

“I’ve heard a lot about you, too,” Remus laughs. “Do you know who you’re racing tonight?” 

James turns to Marlene for a moment.

“Oh- he’s not racing, Remus,” Marlene interrupts.

James sucks in a breath between his teeth.

“Why not?” Sirius questions. “Remus told me I have to race because of the first time rule, that’s not fair.”

“Uhm-” James says awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck.

“James?” Marlene looks back and forth between Sirius and James uncomfortably.

Why are they acting weird? Sirius wonders.

“Yeah, uhm, actually-” James starts, and Sirius puts it together.

“OH MY GOD!” Sirius shouts, throwing his arms up in a fit. “YOU HYPOCRITE!”

“You haven’t told him?!” Marlene yells at James.

“No, Marlene, obviously I haven’t!” James groans.

“You,” Sirius points at his friend. “You told me not to race, but you’ve done it before?!” 

“I’m sorry!” James yells, holding his arms up in defense.

“I can’t believ-” 

“Sirius, breathe,” Remus interrupts his meltdown, and he glares at James.

“I want to be angry, let me be angry,” Sirius mumbles, crossing his arms.

“I’m sure you do, sweetheart,” Remus chuckles.

Ooooh, I liked that, Sirius thinks.

Warmth spreads to his cheeks, but he forces an irritated frown.

“I’m mad at you,” Sirius says petulantly while scowling at James.

“That’s okay, Sirius,” James deflates.

“Come on, you’ve gotta get ready,” Remus instructs, guiding him by the small of his back.

“Sirius,” Dorcas turns around, “You’re racing after Rosier. Be on the line in five minutes.”

Sirius nods at her with a grin. The hairs on his arms and neck stand up, his veins feeling absolutely electric. Sirius lets Remus guide him to his car, and he rolls down the window to talk.

“Do you want me to ride with you?” Remus asks, tucking a stand of hair behind Sirius’s ear.

Sirius can hear the overwhelming sound of tires screeching and engines revving. Large groups of spectators are cheering on the current racers, and Sirius is itching to get out there.

Sirius hums, “I think I should do this myself. I also just want you to watch me.”

“Mmm, I do like to watch you,” Remus teases, leaning in closely.

Sirius pushes himself up through the window and chases Remus’s lips, and Remus grips the hair at the back of his head. Remus tastes like something metallic and rich. Marlene dog whistles from afar, and Remus laughs into the kiss.

“Can you find Regulus while I’m gone?” Sirius pleads, tucking his bottom lip between his teeth nervously.

“Sure, sweetheart,” Remus smiles.

“That’s a new development,” Sirius grins. “I like it.”

Remus laughs, and Sirius thinks he’s the most beautiful thing.

“Good luck, you’ve got this,” Remus promises, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek.

Sirius rolls the window up and gently massages his temples. His engine rumbles at the turn of a key, and his jaw clenches with anticipation. Sirius drives slowly until his front tires sit just before a thick white line of paint.

You’ve got this, Sirius thinks. 

_____________________________________

It’s dark behind the thick window tint, and Sirius has his elbows locked, hands at ten and two.

Relax, you can’t be afraid, he remembers Remus saying.

A sleek, dark green Mazda RX-7 pulls up on his right slowly, and Sirius ogles at it. Sirius doesn’t even know why winning feels so important to him today. He’s here to see his brother, but part of him thinks that Regulus may be watching. Ever since they were children, Sirius wanted to set an example for Regulus. His brother always looked up to him, and that made Sirius feel good. Before Regulus left, Sirius felt like a failure, stuck in constant fear and quietness. He wants to prove to his brother that he can be brave and free, just like he always encouraged Regulus to be.

You’ve got this, Sirius repeats rapidly in his head.

Dorcas stands in front of the two cars, looking at Sirius and then his opponent for a nod. Dorcas looks between the cars with a sly grin, excitement flashing in her eyes. Sirius hovers his foot over the gas pedal and takes a deep breath, exhaling shakily and loosening his tense grip on the wheel. Sirius turns on the radio, and Dorcas raises her arms above her head, fingers counting them down.

You’ve got this.

Sirius turns to look at Remus through the driver’s side window, grinning wildly regardless of the knowledge that Remus can’t see him. Remus looks so intense, his eyebrows furrowed, and one corner of his mouth curved up.

5

4

3

2

Sirius holds his breath and slowly lessens his pressure on the brake pedal.

1

Drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, drive

Drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, drive

Drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, drive

Sirius is gone the moment Dorcas’s arms are at her sides, the speed pinning his back to the seat. He lets out an excited yell and presses the gas pedal to the floor.

I've been looking for a driver who is qualified

So if you think that you're the one step into my ride

I'm a fine-tuned supersonic speed machine

Got a sunroof top and a gangster lean

His opponent is matching his speed, both of them fighting for even the smallest lead. As Sirius flies down the road, the lines blur, and adrenaline pumps through his veins.

So if you feel me, let me know, know, know

Come on now, what you waiting for, for, for?

My engine's ready to explode, explode, explode

So start me up and watch me go, go, go, go

Compared to a few weeks ago, Sirius has utterly mastered his turns. His previously weakest areas are now so much stronger. His car feels like an extension of his body, like a limb controlled by single messages to his brain.

Get you where you wanna go, if you know what I mean

Got a ride that's smoother than a limousine

Can you handle the curves? Can you run all the lights?

If you can, baby boy, then we can go all night

'Cause I'm zero to sixty in 3.5

Baby, you got the keys

His thumb hovers over the red button that James installed on his steering wheel, connected to tanks of NOS behind his seat. 

“This is liquid speed, Sirius,” James had reminded him. “Use it wisely, you get one chance.”

Now shut up and drive, drive, drive (drive)

Shut up and drive, drive, drive (drive)

He’s so eager to see what it can do.

I got class like a '57 Cadillac

Got overdrive with a whole lot of boom in the back

You look like you can handle what's under my hood

You keep saying that you will, boy, I wish you would

Sirius is decently ahead now, only letting up on the gas to turn when needed.

So if you feel me, let me know, know, know

Come on now, what you waiting for, for, for?

My engine's ready to explode, explode, explode

So start me up and watch me go, go, go, go

He can’t help but remember when he drove for the first time on his own. Regulus had woken him up in the middle of the night, bored out of his mind, asking if he could take him somewhere. Sirius tiptoed into their parents’ room and stole their car keys. They snuck out through his bedroom window, and Sirius drove them to get milkshakes from a 24-hour diner. Sirius nearly crashed a dozen times, Regulus gripping the handle on the car’s ceiling with a yelp each time. 

Get you where you wanna go, if you know what I mean

Got a ride that's smoother than a limousine

Can you handle the curves? Can you run all the lights?

If you can, baby boy, then we can go all night

'Cause I'm zero to sixty in 3.5

Baby, you got the keys

His opponent tries to cut in front of him, swerving in and out of lanes just behind him, trying to find a way around, but Sirius copies them. His body sways with the car, and his ears ring with the screeching of tires.

Now shut up and drive, drive, drive (drive)

Shut up and drive, drive, drive (drive)

The light from the red button shines on his cheek. Sirius keeps reminding himself to breathe, not to hold his breath. He takes a hand off the wheel and shakes it out before gripping the wheel again and doing the same to the other hand.

'Cause your Maybach ain't got what I got

Get it, get it, don't stop, it's a sure shot

And your Ferrari, huh, boy, I'm sorry

I ain't even worried, so step inside

And ride, ride, ride, ride

In the distance, Sirius sees a bridge; a raised bridge. The bridge is the only thing standing between them and the finish line, back where they started. Sirius has no idea how big the gap between each side is, if it’s even possible to make it to the other side.

Ride, ride, ride, ride

Ride, ride, ride, ride

Ride, ride, ride, ride

Sirius turns quickly when the car behind him hisses, but it’s gone before he can even blink. The Mazda is far ahead, going at nearly impossible speed. Sirius grips the wheels so tightly that his knuckles crack, and his eyes narrow. His thumb is hovering over the bright red button, and he closes his eyes for a moment when he finally lowers his thumb. His back and head are pinned to the seat, and he opens his eyes with a sigh.

(Shut up and drive, drive, drive, drive)

(Shut up and drive, drive, drive, drive)

Drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, drive (oh)

Now right behind the other racer, they’re both speeding up the first side of the bridge. Sirius keeps the button pressed as they reach the break. The Mazda flies off the edge, and Sirius clutches the wheel. Sirius feels completely weightless as the road breaks under him.

Get you where you wanna go, if you know what I mean

Got a ride that's smoother than a limousine

Can you handle the curves? Can you run all the lights?

If you can, baby boy then we can go all night

'Cause I'm zero to sixty in 3.5

His engine roars, and he flies directly over the other car, tires nearly scraping the top of it. Sirius’s eyes go wide, and he starts to laugh.

“WOOOOOH!” he yells.

His car smacks down on the other side of the bridge, sparks flying up around it. In his rearview mirror, Sirius can see the car behind him do the same. The crowd of people watching grows closer, and the moment he crosses the thick white line he started on, he’s grinning wildly.

Baby, you got the keys

Now shut up and drive

He comes to a stop and gets out of the car, blowing hair out of his face and waving at the people cheering and clapping. He turns when he hears a car door open, and the grin disappears from his face.

“Sirius?” Regulus gasps, eyes wide as his car door shuts.

I am not the only traveler

Who has not repaid his debt

I've been searching for a trail to follow again

Take me back to the night we met

Sirius lets out a pathetic noise, covering his gaping mouth with a shaking hand. Everyone else goes silent, and Sirius can see Remus covering his mouth out of the corner of his eye.

He wasn’t just watching me, he was the one racing me! Sirius tries to process.

Regulus looks so grown up, nearly as tall as Sirius is, now, or at least he looks like it from afar. His gray eyes look wet, and his hands are trembling at his sides.

And then I can tell myself

What the h- I'm supposed to do

And then I can tell myself

Not to ride along with you

“Reggie?” Sirius chokes out, his voice breaking off at the end.

I had all and then most of you

Some and now none of you

Take me back to the night we met

Suddenly, his face is soaked with tears, and he’s running to his brother. Regulus immediately folds in his arms, dropping to the ground, and Sirius clutches him as if he’s going to slip through his fingers at any moment. Regulus pulls back and fists his shirt, and Sirius cradles his cheeks with both hands.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do

Haunted by the ghost of you

Oh, take me back to the night we met

“I thought I told you not to call me that,” Regulus laughs wetly, leaning into his hands.

When the night was full of terrors

And your eyes were filled with tears

When you had not touched me yet

Oh, take me back to the night we met

Sirius chuckles and pulls Regulus back to his chest, tears dripping down into his clean black curls.

I had all and then most of you

Some and now none of you

Take me back to the night we met

“I’ve missed you so much,” Sirius sobs.

“Me too,” Regulus whispers.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do

Haunted by the ghost of you

Take me back to the night we met

_____________________________________

Sirius lifts his head when he feels heat next to him, and it’s Remus crouching down with a soft smile. Looking back at the group of friends, James’s mouth is still wide open, and he looks like he’s going to pass out.

“Hey,” Remus starts, and Regulus looks up. “Hey, I’m Remus.”

“Regulus,” Regulus introduces himself, not loosening his grip on Sirius at all.

Regulus clutches his shirt like a scared child, and Sirius is so okay with that.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Remus smiles. “We’ve gotta move though, another race is about to start.”

Remus grabs Sirius’s arm and starts to pull him up, and Sirius pulls Regulus up with him. Sirius lifts Remus’s shirt and uses it to wipe tears from his face, but rather than being annoyed, he smiles fondly at him.

“Boyfriend?” Regulus questions.

“Uhm- ye- well-” Sirius stumbles, and Remus chuckles.

“Yes, I’m the boyfriend,” Remus whispers to Regulus, leaning in like it’s a secret.

Boyfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend, Sirius chants in his head. Remus Lupin just said he’s my boyfriend! OH MY GOD, I HAVE A BOYFRIEND! I have to tell everyone.

“He’s my boyfriend,” Sirius grins, pushing hair out of his face.

Remus guides Sirius and Regulus back to their friends, and Sirius feels electric.

“James, Pete!” Sirius jumps up and down. “Remus is my boyfriend!”

“Sirius,” Remus shakes his head fondly.

In the corner of his eye, Sirius sees Marlene pat Remus on the back and mouth, “finally.” James high-fives him but seems distracted.

“Is no one gonna talk about the race that just happened? Sirius, that was insane!” Marlene yells, shaking him by his shoulders.

“Thanks,” he laughs.

“I can’t believe you beat me,” Regulus grumbles.

“I think you did great,” James hurries, grinning stupidly. “You’re wonderf- you race- wonderful.”

Sirius looks at Regulus, who returns the look. He looks amused and curious. Sirius swears that he’s communicating telepathically with Regulus, just like they swore they did as kids.

What’s this guy’s deal?

I don’t even know.

“I- James- I’m James,” James stutters, holding a hand out to Regulus.

Regulus reaches out and shakes his hand, smiling more nervously than Sirius has ever seen before. Sirius looks around to see that no one else is paying attention, now deep in conversation with one another.

Is anyone else seeing this?!

“No,” Sirius points at both of them. “Absolutely not. James, that’s my little brother.”

Chapter Text

Regulus Black

“Wait, Sirius,” Regulus whispers to his brother, suddenly feeling nauseous.

Sirius, still chuckling about something James had said, asks, “What’s up?”

Oh, I'm just a kid

I never use my brain

I only use my heart

And my imagination

“How are you even here? Does anyone-” Regulus starts, his head on a swivel.

Someone is watching, he thinks.

“Comment es-tu ici? Est-ce que maman et papa sont au courant?” Regulus switches to French, just to be safe.

James’s head snaps up, and their eyes lock. James looks like a ripe tomato, and Regulus grins at him, just to make it worse.

“Dans quel univers maman et papa sauraient-ils que je suis là?” Sirius laughs, tilting his head cheekily.

Remus’s head snaps up next, staring at Sirius like he wants to eat him alive. 

“You speak French?” Remus gapes.

Remus and James look at each other with matching expressions, and they bump fists behind their backs. Regulus rolls his eyes and pulls his brother’s arm, leaning closer to talk quietly.

Oh, I'm just a kid

I always make mistakes

And I never say I'm sorry

'Cause they're mistakes that I made

(Get ready, now)

“Siri, tu ne devrais pas être là. Tellement de gens t'ont vu ce soir! Si ça se sait que tu étais là, tu pourrais avoir de gros ennuis,” Regulus whispers worriedly.

“Remus, I want him,” he hears James whisper, but he ignores it.

“C'est bon! Tout le monde est trop distrait pour se soucier de ma présence. Les seuls qui le savent vraiment, ce sont mes amis, et ils sont venus me soutenir. T'inquiète, on peut bientôt partir,” Sirius insists, patting the hand that sits on his arm.

Regulus sighs and furrows his eyebrows at him. He never was able to break through Sirius’s stubborn exterior. Sirius is always so convinced that things will work out in his favor, always taking risks. To be honest, Regulus has always envied him for that, but it also terrifies him. 

“Tu es trop imprudent,” he mumbles, and Sirius flashes him a small grin.

Oh, I'm just a kid

I've never seen the world

And I haven't quite decided

If I'm a boy or a girl

Regulus finds himself smiling back, betrayed by his own face. James and Remus are still staring at them in silence, mouths slightly open. 

“Can we help you?” Regulus breaks the silence, making eye contact with James when he asks.

James tries to speak, but doesn’t get far before groaning into his hands.

This is fun.

“I think you’ve broken him,” Remus laughs.

Oh, I'm just a kid

I'm afraid of the dark

But I'm obsessed with ideas

One day I'll go far

“Do not encourage this, Remus,” Sirius scolds him, crossing his arms petulantly. 

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” Remus coos, slipping an arm around his waist. “You have to get up early tomorrow. Do you think we should go?”

“Maybe,” Sirius frowns, looking at Regulus. “I’ll see you soon, yeah?”

“Yes,” Regulus assures. “Give me your number.”

Sirius hands him his phone before dragging him into a hug, and he lets himself melt into it. Pulling back, Sirius pats his cheek with a small smile. 

“We’re gonna get going,” Remus says loudly, hugging Marlene to his side.

Sirius and Remus make their way around the group, handing out hugs and quick goodbyes that only ever mean, “See you later.” As soon as they're gone, Regulus scowls at Dorcas.

“Don’t look at me like that,” she scoffs.

Oh, I'm no longer a kid

And everything has changed

There's nothing in my heart

And lightning in my brain

“You did that on purpose! You knew exactly what you were doing when you switched my racing time,” Regulus yells. “You are such a drama queen.”

“Well, I didn’t think he’d beat you!” She defends herself.

“I can’t believe he beat me,” he scoffs. “This is your fault.”.

“Forgive me?” she fake-pouts.

“Whatever,” he mumbles and rolls his eyes.

So listen up you kids

And hear what I say

Don't listen to your brain

And follow your dreams

(I said)

Remus Lupin

“I am so proud of you,” Remus whispers, carding his fingers through Sirius’s hair while he cries.

Sirius is extremely warm, lying on top of Remus like a weighted blanket. For the last couple of hours, Remus has been on the verge of tears. Seeing Sirius cradle his brother so gently and lovingly broke his heart for them.

“I missed him so much,” Sirius heaves, his tears soaking Remus’s shirt.

“I know, baby, I know,” Remus whispers, squeezing his eyes shut before tears can escape. “You don’t have to miss him anymore.”

Sirius opens his mouth, and Remus can feel his warm breath on his neck.

“His face, Remus,” Sirius sobs. “When he saw me- he was so relieved. He was happy.”

“He loves you, sweetheart,” Remus explains. “He ran away from the life he didn’t want, but he was never running away from you.”

Sirius takes a deep breath at that, and Remus holds him tighter.

“Thank you,” Sirius chokes out. “Thank you for everything. I couldn’t have done any of this without you.” 

“I’d do anything for you,” he whispers honestly.

Sirius’s breath becomes steady, so Remus knows he’s fallen asleep. He gently sits up, cradling Sirius’s head to his chest, and hooks an arm under his knees. Remus lays him down in his bed and covers him with a light green blanket. Sirius hums softly, face no longer strained by emotion. Remus pushes curls away from Sirius’s face, leaning down to gently kiss him on the forehead.

Sirius Black

Saturday, September 23rd, 2023

Sirius wakes up to a blaring alarm and an annoying beam of sunlight shining right over his eyes. He sits up too quickly, immediately cradling his head with a groan. His stray hand searches around desperately for the phone, turning the loud song off as soon as he finds it. There’s a glass of water on the nightstand, and he suddenly notices how dry his mouth is. Once Sirius is out of bed, he follows soft noise all the way to the kitchen.

“Good morning,” Remus smiles, annoyingly awake.

Sirius groans and slides onto the stool at the kitchen counter, laying his head on his arms and slamming Remus’s phone down on the counter.

“Did you sleep well?” Remus asks, pushing a mug of coffee in front of him.

Sirius lifts his head and scowls at Remus.

“I just woke up to the Ryan Gosling cover of ‘Push’ from the Barbie movie at 8 in the morning,” Sirius grumbles. “I am not talking to you right now.”

“Don’t be mad at me, sweetheart,” Remus chuckles. “You had to wake up somehow, and I thought I’d have a little fun with it.”

“You’re literally evil,” Sirius mumbles.

“Mmm, I know it,” Remus hums, planting a kiss on the top of Sirius’s head. “When’s your race?”

“I have to be there at 6, and the race starts at 8:30,” Sirius answers, rubbing his eyes and yawning. “Do you work today?”

“No,” Remus responds. “Yes, I’ll go to your race, I’d love to.”

Sirius smiles softly and pulls out his phone, squinting at the blue light.

______________________________

Me

heyyyy

Reggie

Hello

Me

are you busy today

Reggie

That depends on what you’re about to ask me to do.

I’m just kidding. No, I’m not busy.

Me

awhh Reggie youve gone all soft

Reggie

Maybe I am busy today.

Me

no no no sorry okay

I know its a lot to ask but will you come to my race today

its qualifiers obviously

Reggie

What about Mother and Father?

Me

theyre gonna be in the balcony with Riddle so youll be fine

you can sit with James and Remus in the front stands

Reggie

Okay, I trust you, I’ll be there.

Me

I love you!!!!!!!!

Reggie

Yeah, me too.

Me

say it back Regulus.

Reggie

Iloveyoutoo

God, that hurt to type.

Me

oh shut up

Reggie

I’ll see you later.

______________________________

Remus Lupin

“Regulus! Over here!” Remus yells, standing to wave him over.

Regulus looks a little out of place trying to squeeze through rows of excited people. He has the same annoyed pout as his brother, but Remus doesn’t find it as adorable on him. Remus nudges James with his arm, grinning knowingly. James watches as Regulus approaches them, wearing black dress pants and a tight black t-shirt that reveals his belly button with any movement. Remus reaches over and pushes James’s jaw closed before he can embarrass himself.

“Where’s Sirius? I texted him that I was here, and he hasn’t answered,” Regulus says, visibly uncomfortable sitting on the metal bleachers.

“He just finished doing interviews. I’m assuming he’s getting ready while his mechanic team does checks on his car,” Remus states between bites of his nachos.

“I saw his last race and the interview on TV that our mother did,” Regulus responds. “He’s taken the last few weeks off, yeah?”

“Yeah, why?” Remus asks, licking cheese from the corner of his mouth.

“He has to be scared out of his mind right now,” Regulus says worriedly. “I know him, our mother’s going to get in his head. Do you know where his driver’s room is?”

“I don’t know where it is, Regulus,” Remus responds. “I’m really sorry.”

Regulus’s eyebrows are pinched together with worry, and Remus gives him a sympathetic look.

“I can take you!” James smiles. “I know where it is, I can take you.”

Regulus looks at Remus amusedly, one corner of his lips quirking up.

“Well- alright,” Regulus agrees, standing up quickly.

Regulus starts following James down the steps, squeezing through people as they go.

“Be good, kids!” Remus yells, grinning when Regulus turns his head and scowls at him.

Regulus Black

James opens the door for him and smiles, seemingly waiting for a piece of praise or thanks. Regulus walks in and gazes around the room. A black leather jacket is draped over the arm of a chair, hair ties and empty RedBull cans scattered around the room. Regulus turns back to the door, and James is still standing there with a stupid, cute grin on his face.

“That’ll be all, then, James,” Regulus says. “Go keep Remus company.”

“Oh- okay, good idea,” James nods, waving as he closes the door.

Regulus explores the room, stopping in the bathroom and laughing under his breath at the sight of wild cherry children's toothpaste next to the sink.

He never grew out of that, did he?

He opens the bottle of soap and lifts it to his nose, freezing when he hears the door open. Regulus opens his mouth, ready to call out to his brother, but there are two voices.

“What’d you want to talk to me about, Pete?” Sirius asks.

“You’re going to lose today,” Peter states confidently, and Regulus’s eyebrows fly up.

How dare you say that to him?

‘What?” Sirius gasps, and Regulus can hear the sadness in his voice. “You don’t think I’m gonna win?”

Regulus steps very quietly out of the bathroom, peeking around the corner. Peter is faced away from him, so he can see the hurt expression on Sirius’s face. Regulus slowly reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone, opening the camera app and pressing record.

“You’re going to lose on purpose, Sirius,” Peter clarifies.

“Pete, what’s wrong with you? What are you talking about?” Sirius raises his voice.

“The RedBull team has a new sponsor, the Malfoy family,” Peter explains. “They’re offering a lot more money than your parents do, but with one condition: Lucius Malfoy takes your spot on the team.”

“I don’t understand why you’re doing this,” Sirius whispers, eyes wide and glossy.

“Tom Riddle wants you gone,” Peter shrugs, completely unsympathetic.

“This is about Riddle?!” Sirius yells. “I knew you taking this job wasn’t a good idea.”

“We can do this smoothly, or you can make a scene,” Peter cuts in. “You’re going to lose on purpose. You’ll keep racers out of Malfoy’s way, and he will beat you. Your car is rigged up to fail as soon as I decide it’s time. You won’t die or anything, don’t worry, all you have to do is lose one more race. Isn’t that something you’re recently quite familiar with?”

“What if I don’t?” Sirius asks defiantly.

Regulus flinches when Sirius makes eye contact with him. Regulus lowers the camera, but Sirius widens his eyes.

No, don’t stop recording, Sirius communicates with his eyes.

“I took hundreds of pictures at your little street race last night,” Peter sneers. “If you decide to be defiant, I’ll make sure everyone sees them.”

“Do you really think that I care about my reputation here anymore?” Sirius scoffs.

“What about your brother?” Peter scoffs. “You think I only got pictures of you? No. I got photos of your reunion with baby Black.”

“You wouldn’t,” Sirius scowls.

“I’ll tell your parents everything,” Peter says. “I know where Regulus goes to school and what car he drives.”

“You are such a rat,” Sirius bites out.

“Enjoy your race, Sirius, it’ll be your last,” Peter responds shortly.

Peter leaves the room and slams the door behind him, making Sirius jump. Regulus ends the recording and slips his phone back into his pocket. He rushes over to his brother, who has backed himself into a corner and is sliding down the wall.

Sirius Black

“Sirius,” he hears fuzzily, his ears ringing. “Sirius!”

He snaps his head up and stares back at his brother, feeling his hands shake where they’re hugging his knees to his chest.

“It’s okay,” Regulus whispers, putting a hand on Sirius’s chest like they did when they were younger.

______________________________

“Breathe, Reggie,” Sirius says, hand in the middle of Regulus’s chest. “Breathe with me.”

Sirius watches as Regulus mimics his inhales and exhales, feeling his chest rise with each breath until it steadies. He looks down and eyes the stain in the brand new white button-up that their mother had gotten Regulus for a fancy dinner with Tom Riddle.

“It’s okay,” Sirius whispers. “You’re okay.”

“Mom’s gonna yell at me,” Regulus chokes out, tears now streaking down his neck.

“Mom isn’t gonna know,” Sirius corrects, slipping off his blazer.

Sirius stands up and pulls Regulus with him, sliding the blazer sleeves over his arms and back. He fixes the collar and buttons the front before tucking the stained part of the shirt into Regulus’s pants. He points to a grand mirror across the room.

“Go have a look,” Sirius urges, and Regulus sighs in relief when he sees that the stain is no longer visible.

“What about Mother? She got this blazer for you to wear. She said this Tom guy is really important, and you have to look nice,” Regulus rambles.

“I look nice enough without it,” Sirius waves dismissively. “It looks better on you, anyway.”

______________________________

“Sirius, focus,” Regulus says sternly. “Breathe with me.”

Sirius gasps a breath, trapping it in his mouth and exhaling slowly.

“Reggie,” he whispers, swiping tears away from his lips.

He squeezes his eyes shut and pinches the bridge of his nose, head pounding. Regulus looks at him softly before narrowing his eyes.

“You’re going to win,” Regulus insists.

“Regulus, I can’t. It was all over the moment he brought you into this,” Sirius argues.

“I don’t care what he knows about me, I’ll go tell Mother and Father myself if that’s what it takes,” Regulus scoffs.

“But I-”

“Listen,” Regulus cuts him off, “Street racing is still illegal. If those pictures get out, it might suck for a while, but you technically only raced once. If you swear up and down that you’ll never do it again, you might get away with light punishment.”

“But I’d be lying if I said I’d never race again! I don’t even know if this is worth fighting for. The season is basically over anyway,” Sirius shrugs sadly.

“If you quit racing, it’ll be on your own terms, not because some idiot is blackmailing you into losing,” Regulus urges.

Sirius deflates and lets his head fall with a sigh.

“I really thought he was my friend,” Sirius whispers.

“I know, I’m so sorry,” Regulus responds.

“I don’t know what to do,” he says honestly.

“What does Mother always say to us before we do something important?” Regulus asks.

“Ne laissez pas tomber cette famille,” Sirius mocks, doing his best impression of their mother.

“Ignore that,” Regulus demands. “Sirius, don’t let yourself down. You worked so hard to get here, please don’t let someone take that away from you.”

“Tell me what to do,” he insists.

“Okay, here’s what you’re going to do-”

Regulus Black

“Jamie!” Regulus calls as he climbs back up the bleachers.

“James,” Remus corrects as he approaches, and Regulus rolls his eyes.

“Jamie, love,” he calls again, tapping James on the shoulder, taking his attention away from a girl who’s very obviously flirting with him.

“God, you’re obvious,” Remus chuckles, leaning down directly next to his ear.

Regulus scowls at him and turns back to James, flashing him the same smile he’d give his parents whenever he wanted something. The girl next to James scoffs at Regulus, quickly taking the hint when he glares at her.

“James, change of plans,” Regulus says.

“Yeah, sure,” James hurries. “What do you need? You don’t need to ask, I already agree.”

“This is going to be extremely difficult for me to explain, and hard for you to understand,” Regulus starts. 

“What is it?” James asks.

“Your friend, Peter, is working with Riddle to rig the race in Malfoy’s favor.”

“WHAT?!” Remus yells.

“James, you can’t trust Peter. He’s blackmailing Sirius with photos from the race last night and saying he’ll release them if he doesn’t lose tonight on purpose,” he explains.

“Peter is doing this?” James gapes.

Regulus reaches for his phone and finds the video he recorded of Sirius and Peter. James and Remus watch with clenched jaws and look up at Regulus when the video ends.

“I’ll do whatever I need to do,” James says between gritted teeth.

“His car is rigged up to fail, but there are multiple cars just in case one gets damaged,” Regulus explains. “I need you to go to Sirius. He has a mechanic’s suit waiting for you. You’re going to disguise yourself as a mechanic and put screws in each of his tires.”

“Couldn’t they just change the tires?” Remus asks.

“There’s only fifteen minutes left before the race, so they’ll just switch the cars out to save time,” Regulus responds. 

“Okay, I’m going- I’ll go,” James rushes.

Regulus pats James’s thigh with a smile, and James giggles nervously. He watches as James hurries down the steps, giving him a thumbs up when he looks back.

“That poor boy would do anything you tell him to,” Remus laughs.

“Just how I like them,” Regulus smirks. “Also, you can’t talk. You’d do anything if Sirius told you to.”

“You’re right, I would,” Remus confirms. “Is Sirius gonna be okay? Your plan is gonna work, right? Can I help?”

“My plans always work,” he responds. 

“Somehow, I don’t doubt that,” Remus laughs.

“Stay here with me, watch the race,” Regulus instructs, and Remus nods.

Sirius Black

8:24 PM

Sirius peeks his head through the door, looking for his friend’s dark curls. James is kneeling next to one of the tires, pointing at the screw stuck in it for the other mechanics to see.

“It’s too late to change all the tires,” James says to one of them.

Sirius hears muffled conversation, and James nods. The mechanics tap their headsets and walk away.

“Psst, James,” Sirius whispers, peeking his head through the door.

James turns around and walks to him, looking around before he does so.

“Are they switching the car out?” Sirius asks hopefully.

“Yeah, they’re not even gonna alert Riddle or anything! They said they didn’t want to be blamed for the screws or cause a scene, so now Peter won’t even know what we did until it’s too late,” James grins.

“That’s perfect,” Sirius smiles. “I’m gonna slip out of here and wait for my car. You go inside and get changed, and then go back to the stands. Try not to be seen.”

James winks at him and shuts the door.

“Wait, Sirius,” James whispers, opening the door and peeking through the crack.

“Yeah?” he asks.

“You’re gonna win this thing,” James says confidently, and Sirius grins back.

______________________________

8:28 PM

Sirius approaches his starting line and tightens his gloves. For all of his life, racing was an obligation, but right now, he closes his eyes and imagines the empty streets of downtown Los Angeles. With each breath, he feels more and more like he did last night, back pinned to the seats of his Black Camaro. Today, he’s not racing for his parents or for his fame; he’s racing for himself. Other cars begin to surround him, and he flips his visor up when Lucius stops right next to him. Lucius smirks at him tauntingly, but Sirius shakes his head and huffs a laugh in return. 

“Good luck,” Lucius sneers.

“You need it more than I do,” Sirius grins, narrowing his eyes.

Sirius’s headset beeps, and he flips his visor back down.

“Are you ready, kid?” Moody asks through the headset.

“You have no idea,” Sirius responds confidently.

“That’s what I like to hear,” Moody says, his smile audible.

Sirius glances up at the stands at the thousands of people cheering. The red light flashes, and Sirius fixes his grip on the wheel. When the light changes to green, a blow horn airs, and Sirius doesn’t waste any time.

“Kid,” Moody interrupts his focus.

“Don’t distract me,” he grits, dodging Chapman’s attempt to pass him.

“Riddle has made an announcement,” Moody explains. “There aren’t going to be any quarters in this qualifying race. It’s one quarter, twelve laps. The first ten racers, out of the twenty racing, to pass the finish line will be in the finals.”

Sirius tenses up at that and lets out a shaky breath.

You’re gonna win this thing, he remembers James saying.

“What place is Malfoy in?” Sirius asks.

“Currently in sixteenth place, I think something is wrong with his car,” Moody answers.

James.

Regulus Black

Regulus notices how behind Lucius Malfoy is, and other races are passing him with ease. He turns to see a light, proud smile on James’s face, and he raises his eyebrows.

He did not.

“James, what did you do?” Regulus interrogates.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, can you be more specific?” James grins knowingly.

“His tires are dragging, James,” Regulus points out.

“I wonder what that’s about,” James shrugs.

“James!” 

“Fine! Okay, yes, I put screws in his tires, sue me!” James holds his hands up in defense. “He’ll make his pit stop and get them changed soon enough, so he’ll still have a chance.”

Why didn’t I think of that?

“That’s cheating,” Regulus huffs.

“He cheated first, I just had the opportunity to punish him for it, so I took it,” James argues.

“And you’re sure no one saw you?” Regulus pushes.

“Y’know, you get this really cute line between your eyebrows when you’re talking to me,” James changes the subject.

“That’s because you’re irritating,” he bites.

“You’re cute when you’re irritated,” James smiles.

“James! God,” Regulus sighs. “Just focus, this is so not the time for this.”

“So there is a time for this?” James asks with the most infuriatingly gorgeous grin and big brown eyes.

Regulus opens his mouth but doesn’t even know how to respond to that. James’s curls are messy, and the sleeves of his shirt are stretching around his arms. His gold-rimmed glasses sit lop-sided on the end of his nose, and Regulus wants to push them up a bit. All it would take is one reach of a hand-

“You’re staring, love,” James interrupts his thoughts.

Regulus turns away with a groan, redirecting his attention to the racetrack.

“You’ll come around,” James whispers, nudging his arm with his shoulder.

Sirius Black

“Where do I stand, Moody?” Sirius calls.

“Fifth,” Moody responds. “In order, there’s Diggory, Dolohov, Shacklebolt, and Lockhart in front of you. Your gap on Lockhart is 1.3. Stay on the inside for the next turn, and you’ll pass him.

“Has Malfoy taken his stop yet?” he asks.

“He’s finishing this lap, and then he’ll box,” Moody explains. “He’ll catch up to you up there, so be watching for him. I’ve heard he’s very angry. You’ve got eight laps to go.”

“I’d be angry if I looked like that, too,” Sirius laughs, and his coach chuckles lightly on the other end.

Sirius lets his whole body move with the wheel as he turns, passing Lockhart with ease. Shacklebolt falls slightly behind after the turn, and Sirius takes his spot in third place.

“Malfoy’s boxing now, so try to get ahead of Dolohov before he catches up,” Moody instructs.

He speeds up until he’s right next to Dolohov, giving him a cheeky wave before passing him, now only slightly behind Diggory.

“Who’s made you mad today?” Moody laughs breathlessly.

“Whatever do you mean?” Sirius smiles behind his visor.

“Haven’t seen you race like this in months-” Alastor clarifies, his words dragging out as Sirius makes his way into first.

“I’m back, baby!” Sirius yells, drumming on the steering wheel with a grin.

______________________________

“Malfoy’s back in the race, coming up on sixth place with seven laps left,” Moody informs.

Sirius watches Lucius get closer and closer in his mirrors, noting his speed decrease on every turn. Sirius’s foot goes numb with the pressure he’s putting on the gas pedal, and the adrenaline is making him dizzy. Lap six, seven, and eight fly by. Sirius is still in first, but Malfoy is coming up right on his tail.

Regulus Black

“Do you want to go somewhere with me?” Regulus asks.

“What- like, like a date?” James responds.

Regulus laughs, “No, James, I mean right now. Do you want to follow me since you know your way around better than I do?” 

“Oh, yeah, sure,” James responds shortly, his cheeks a deep crimson.

Regulus stands up and waits for James to follow, giving Remus a nod. 

“Where are you going?” Remus questions, seeming sad to be left alone again.

“James is just showing me to the concessions, we’ll be back,” Regulus smiles.

Regulus leads James down the bleachers and around crowds of people watching the race. To be honest, Regulus doesn’t even know why he brought James with him; he knows exactly where he’s going: Riddle’s private viewing booth. Riddle is actually with Rita Skeeter, a reporter, near the track, but Peter’s nowhere to be seen. James is mumbling behind him, probably asking where Regulus is taking him, but he’s too focused to respond. Regulus slows down when he finds the right door, turning to shush James and reaching for the knob. 

Locked.

He leans down next to it and pulls a pin from his hair, bending it so it’s straight.

“Regulus, what are you doing?” James whispers sternly.

Regulus doesn’t answer, and James huffs air out of his nose. With a click, the lock turns, and the door opens with a quiet creak. Regulus stands and pushes through the door, stopping when he sees a head of blonde hair.

“Mr. Ridd-” Peter turns, clearly expecting someone else. “Oh, Regulus, what a pleasure to see you again.”

“I can’t say the same,” Regulus mumbles.

James enters the room, and Regulus watches his hands ball into fists at his sides.

“James!” Peter smiles. “I didn’t know you were coming. Sirius is doing extremely well today, isn’t he?”

Peter holds a small remote in his left hand, one that Regulus assumes is meant to control the car Sirius was supposed to drive.

“What’d you do, Peter?” James questions, his eyes suddenly glassy.

James steps forward, backing Peter up toward the giant window overlooking the track, and Regulus has to pull him back by his wrist. Regulus didn’t think James would get so involved; he only wanted a bit of backup.

“James,” Regulus calls.

“No,” James points. “Peter, why? Why did you do it?”

“What are you talking about?” Peter exclaims.

“You were our friend!” James yells, fisting the front of Peter’s white polo.

“James!” Regulus screams.

“You betrayed him,” James sobs. “Why would you-”

“I don’t know what Sirius told you-”

“Don’t lie!” Regulus cuts him off sharply.

“It’s Riddle! I had to!” Peter defends.

Peter tries to break away from James’s grip, pushing against his shoulders. Regulus hears the announcement of the beginning of the final lap.

“What would you have done?” Peter yells. “What would you have done?!”

“I would’ve refused! I would’ve refused rather than betray my friend!” James sobs. “Just like we would’ve done for you!”

“God, James!” Peter scoffs. “Don’t be so dramatic, I didn’t betray anyone!”

“Do you even regret it, even a little bit?” James cries, and Regulus’s heart breaks a little.

“No,” Peter spits out. “I don’t regret it.”

James pulls one arm back, and his fist collides with the side of Peter’s face. Peter’s left hand drops the remote, coming up to cradle his cheek.

“James!” Regulus rushes forward.

Another punch lands on Peter’s side, making him lurch forward and clutch his torso. Before another hit lands, Regulus catches James’s wrist, and he pulls James back into his chest. Peter turns quickly and looks out the window, eyes wide. Regulus’s heart jumps when he sees Sirius in first place, heading toward the finish line with Malfoy behind him. Peter finds the small remote, and Regulus smiles knowingly. James has frozen, eyes following Sirius’s car on the track.

Click.

Nothing.

Click.

Nothing.

Click. Click. Click.

Nothing. 

“Why isn’t it working?!” Peter screams, hitting the remote against the floor and pressing the button repeatedly. “Come on!”

Sirius is flying, and Regulus’s heart pounds against his ribcage. He reaches down and intertwines his fingers with James’s, squeezing his hand.

“What is happening?!” Peter groans.

“We switched the cars out,” James grins. “Some screws ended up in his tires, somehow.”

James reaches into his pocket and pulls out a handful of screws, chucking them next to Peter.

“No!” Peter yells. “No!”

Sirius soars over the finish line, and Regulus lets out a choked laugh. James whoops and grins wildly, squeezing Regulus’s hand back. Peter falls back on the carpet, covering his eyes with a groan.

“He did it, James,” Regulus whispers.

“Did you ever doubt him?” James questions.

“Never once,” he returns, smiling softly while looking into warm brown eyes.

“Let’s go,” James says, looking back at Peter with a frown.

“James,” Peter calls, and James stops in the middle of the doorway.

Regulus squeezes his hand and gives him a weak smile for support.

“He never would’ve done this to you,” James mumbles. “We never would’ve.”

Peter opens his mouth to respond, but James slams the door behind them. Regulus stares up at him, but James won’t look up from his feet.

“James,” Regulus says softly, lifting James’s head with a hand on his cheek.

Regulus feels arms wrap around his back, and James curls into him, his face in the spot between his neck and shoulder. Regulus cards his fingers through James’s hair and holds him tightly, running one hand up and down his back.

“It’s okay,” Regulus whispers, and James nods against him. “We have to go.”

Sirius Black

Sirius gets out of his car with a huge grin. Quickly, he’s swarmed by reporters, but Moody guides him through the crowd. Sirius ducks his head and covers his face with a hand, avoiding eye contact with anyone around them. Moody leaves him outside his driver’s room, and Sirius smiles when he sees Remus, James, and Regulus turn a corner and run toward him.

“Hey guys-” Sirius starts, but his breath is knocked out of him as Remus picks him up and spins him.

“You were amazing,” Remus praises, gently lowering him down and kissing the top of his head.

“Thank you,” Sirius blushes, hands on Remus’s shoulders.

Sirius breaks away from Remus and pulls Regulus into a hug.

“You did great,” Regulus laughs.

“Thank you, Reggie,” Sirius whispers so only his brother can hear. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

Sirius looks over Regulus’s shoulder at James, who’s rubbing his knuckles.

“James,” Sirius says, walking to his friend and grabbing his hand. “What happened?”

“Uhm-” James clears his throat. “I kind of punched Peter…multiple times.”

Sirius stares at his friend, trying to imagine him punching their other friend, but he simply can’t.

“Wha-”

“It’s my fault,” Regulus cuts in. “I asked him to go with me to find Peter, but I just wanted to confront him. I shouldn’t have brought him with me.”

Sirius wraps his arms around James, exhaling only when he feels James relax against him.

“It’s okay, Reggie,” Sirius insists. “James, it’s okay. I love you.”

“I love you, too,” James sighs.

Sirius pulls back, and Remus pats James on the shoulder, pulling him into a side-hug.

“Do you have to stay for interviews or anything?” James asks, perking up a bit.

“Screw that,” Sirius scoffs, putting an arm around Remus and Regulus. 

“Yeah, screw that,” Remus seconds.

“I don’t owe anyone anything,” Sirius whispers, eyeing Remus fondly.