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The twenty-seventh time Bee gazed out at the stars was the time it finally got a bit... boring. The vastness of the space around them, this place between worlds, was always going to be breathtaking to them. After a while, though, looking at the same little motes of light became just another part of the morning routine. Yet they kept themself on the edge of the boat, leaning on the wood, looking out at the space around them. Corduroy was finally taking some time to rest. Thank goodness. Zyv never came up to the deck much these days. A fear of heights kept them away from where they could actually see how high up they were. Bee didn't blame them. The little closet where they'd been keeping themself and HER locked away, back when they thought she'd murder everyone onboard for fun and study their insides on a whim, was still comfortable enough to sleep in. They played cards down there with Nicky sometimes.
They were all finally free. They were away from that town, away from the past. They could finally start over. But something still felt... off.
It wasn't until Bee looked down at the lock of hair they twirled around their finger that they realized... how long had it been since their last haircut? She must have done something to their hair follicles. It NEVER grew this fast, if at all. Maybe their skin was finally decomposing enough to start receding. They still had a head full of fine yet plentiful hair. Hair that was reaching their mid-back these days. Bee pulled the lock around their finger down to their chest. Their chest that had been irreparably damaged by the magic and the curses of that town... Their hair hung just below their chest when they pulled it all the way down. This was too long. This was too much. They could hardly stand to look at themself in a mirror for too long, but this... It made them look too much like a woman. It made their entire body feel wrong. Something had to be done.
Bee pulled themself away from the deck and went into the cabin. It was rude to rummage through someone's stuff, they knew that, but Pumpkin hadn't been around in months and Bee didn't think he was ever coming back. They tried not to think about him too much. Their heart couldn't take thinking about yet another friend they'd lost without explanation. Instead, they rooted around in drawers until they came across something one of the others had left in the cabin: an electric razor and a pair of scissors. Why they were here, they had no clue, but they weren't about to pass up the opportunity. Taking them, Bee quickly tested the razor. It buzzed loudly in their hand. Good, plenty of battery. They turned it off and walked out of the cabin to their tiny closet below deck. There was a mirror down there that they'd been using to keep themself looking at least halfway decent in the mornings. She probably used it more than them. She always made little adjustments Bee didn't like. As angry as they wanted to be, they couldn't blame her. This wasn't a body she was comfortable in, either. Sitting down in front of the mirror, Bee took the top half of their hair down to start sectioning it off.
"What exactly are you doing?" Bee paused as they tied off a second section of hair, off to the side.
"What does it look like I'm doing?" they replied. Anyone walking in would have to deal with the fact that they were sitting motionless and silent.
"It LOOKS like you're coming close to making a mistake. Can't you get someone else to do this for you?"
"I want to do it myself. You saw me when I'd trim my own hair in years past."
"Yes, and I saw the cleanup Eleanor had to do for you to make you look halfway decent."
"You severely underestimate my capabilities. I'm shocked. And a little hurt. If I'm being honest."
"Oh, THAT'S what hurts your feelings."
"Quite honestly, yes. You've never underestimated me. Far from it, actually. You don't push people you underestimate to be their true selves. The only time you underestimated my abilities, it got us stuck like this."
"It seems a little unreasonable to compare my last error in judgment to you attempting a haircut. But... Nevertheless, I apologize."
"Thank you. As do I. I don't mean to be unreasonable."
"Oh, I'm sure." Bee finished sectioning off their hair. "How will you get the back?" Bee picked up a small handheld mirror. "How are you going to hold that up? You are NOT shaving your head with only one hand." Taking out a small piece of bone, they raised a small skeleton. It grabbed the mirror and held it up for them. "Hm. I'd personally have it shave the back of my head."
"Well, luckily, I'M the one in control of this one." She fell silent. Bee grabbed the small section of remaining loose hair they'd sectioned off with one hand and the scissors with the other. The shorter part first, then they could cut the rest. With a deep breath, they closed the scissors.
Bee positioned the skeleton off to the side as they examined the left side of their head. They'd shaved the hair a bit closer to the skin than they'd expected to, but they had no complaints. Bony spikes ran across their scalp as they felt the fuzzy undercut they'd given themself. A smile graced their lips. Already, they felt ten pounds lighter. They looked down at the mass of hair littering the floor around them. They'd find a way to get rid of that. Somehow... Electing to ignore it for now, Bee brushed as much hair as they could off of their shoulders.
"You should've used a towel for your neck. And something other than your shawl for a cape," she said, finding her way back into their head.
"The shawl, I can wash just fine. The towel... was a lapse in judgment," Bee answered. "Have you any scathing critiques for me now that I'm done?"
"No." Bee physically sat up in shock. "It looks... fine. You did a fine job."
"Oh. Um... thank you."
"I'll bet your neck feels much freer."
"To a certain extent, yes."
"I suppose you'll be wearing it fully up more often than not, as well. Unless you're still worried about your face."
"My face is... fine for now." Bee collapsed the skeleton and collected the pieces.
"Hopefully, that gargoyle flies us someplace where we can find better, non-reused bones. I mean, honestly, look at those things. They're ready to fall apart."
"I can't use my own. Or anyone else's, for that matter. You'll just have to wait. I personally don't care. Bones are bones are bones." She fell silent. "And his name is Corduroy."
"Heh."
"What?"
"Nothing. I just find it funny how you're defensive of him now, but come tomorrow... He'll likely be your worst enemy again."
"He is NOT my worst enemy. He never has been."
"But you're certainly not on good terms at the moment. Are you?"
"We're... He was leaking ink again yesterday. What was I supposed to do? I don't HATE him. I couldn't just let him destroy himself like that."
"Because if you did, we'd fall to our deaths. Right?" Bee paused their cleanup, staring down at the floor. "It's alright to hold a grudge. It's alright to act on that, too. You really must stand up for yourself more. You fall apart as soon as it seems like they need you. These are capable individuals. Think of how much he's lied to you. How much he won't tell you. You had an entire argument about the secrets they keep. That hurts. Does it not?"
"...It does. Terribly."
"So, then... Let it. Don't stew in it but let yourself be hurt. And put it to use. For the love of all those behind us, you don't need to always be the one to apologize and try to make things right. Especially when you have nothing to apologize for. Let this little reinvention be the start of something new for you."
"I can't abandon him."
"Well, of course not. Don't ABANDON him. You don't have to hate him. But don't coddle him either. If he knows you'll fold, how can you ever expect him to take accountability? Take responsibility for the way they've hurt you?" Bee removed their shawl. "Go shake that out. Clean yourself up. You must be devastatingly itchy."
"I don't feel much. As I'm sure you know."
"You feel more than you think. You don't always have to think about that to such a degree, you know. Get a towel, get some baby powder or what have you, and clean yourself up properly. You've earned it, don't you think?"
"Indeed..."
"Good. Shall I keep you company?"
"No... You can go if you'd like."
"Mm... You'll have my silence for now, but I'll be here if you require anything else."
"Thank you."
"You're very welcome." Bee resumed gathering their things. They carried a majority of the hair up to the deck alongside their shawl. The wind blew away from the ship, perfect for shaking it out and avoiding the deck. They draped it out into the air and prayed it wouldn't flutter out of their hands. Their grip thankfully remained firm. They tried to catch a glimpse of the little bits of dark brown hair flying off of it but their eyes weren't good enough for that. Putting the shawl down, they gathered up the longer strands of their hair. Fistfuls of dark brown history, memories both joyous and dour... Both equally painful. Their mind raced through every memory they'd held onto since waking up. The graveyard, the towns, the mobs, Hollowvale... Now the boat. They'd never cut so much hair off before. Little trims, sure. Just like what she had teased them for. They thought back to Eleanor. The little trim she'd given them to clean them up. She'd left it around their shoulders, though. The way it always had been. Hers was always so much longer... It was her who taught Bee how to braid hair. So many nights of practice. She didn't care when their hand would fall off or when they'd have to stop because the feeling in their fingers was starting to go away. She'd tried with theirs. With hair that sat in clumped fistfuls in their pale blue hands.
Bumble loved this hair. Perched on top of their head, sleeping peacefully or chatting away about whatever was on his tiny little mind. The weather, the Safe Room, another bird, Sparky. Sparky... Bumble's Papa. Bee's friend. Bee's... former friend.
They thought back to Syl, then to Akara, then to the Tattered Rose. To the movie theater. Their grip tightened on the hair. Was this a mistake? Had she been right at first?
Taking a deep breath, Bee looked up and out at the space around them. At the stars they never thought they'd see again. At the vast expanse of universes unknown. It was all so much bigger than them. So much bigger than the little worlds they'd confined themself to. They took four steps back. Reeling their arm back, they ran forward and threw the fistfuls of hair into the dark sky. It fluttered through the air on a breeze blowing away from the boat, out to the horizon beyond. Bee watched it all drift away until all they could see was pitch darkness and starlight.
Leaning back on their heels, they folded their shawl over their arm. Tears pricked at the corners of their eyes but they choked them down. They turned on their heel and proceeded back to their little closet to finish cleaning. To get that towel covered in powder that she had mentioned. Surely, that'd help them feel a little bit better.