Chapter Text
‘Hey, Eddie!’, - Buck is smiling like today is not Monday. Buck really has this sweet smile which Eddie used to like… in the past.
He remembers vividly the exact moment he decided he doesn't like this smile anymore. She sees me.
The exact moment his heart collapsed.
Apparently though, ‘she saw him’ for not too long. For an even shorter period than Eddie himself tried - and hell he did try hard - to build something with Marisol which was obviously just a desperate attempt to distract himself from the sad truth. Where the truth was - he loved Evan fucking Buckley.
His path to accept his queerness was hard enough. His path to accept that he is close to failing his friendship was brutal. He, anyhow, managed to deal with all of this. At least he was pretty sure he did.
And now Buck just smiles at him. Like nothing even happened. Like he didn't smash Eddie's heart with three words.
‘Are you going with us to the bar after work? I want you all to meet someone!’.
Eddie grins: ‘Of course. I hope it's someone nice this time’.
To be honest, Eddie doesn't give a damn, who this person is. But he can play pretend perfectly. Even with Buck. Okay, especially with Buck. And where did 'you shouldn't pretend with me' go?
***
‘So, who do you think Buck would introduce?’, - Hen is pouring beer but she looks directly at Eddie. He doesn't like it though.
‘I have no idea…’, - and not that he wants to know. And why does Hen think he knows? ‘We haven't discussed his adventures much, so I'm in the same position as you are’
Hen's face is unimpressed: ‘Well, I hardly doubt it. I mean you and Buck…’, - Eddie interrupts her: ‘Are friends. Lately not even close ones i think… Why don't you ask Chim? He's his brother-in-law, he should know’
Hen stares at Eddie's face for a minute searching for something with no success: ‘Ok, if you say so’, - she's definitely not convinced but at least she stopped questioning him, switched to Chim. Apparently, he also doesn't know anything.
When Buck's entering the bar and Eddie sees him - his heart collapses again. It's getting annoying but he can't do anything with it. Because there's Buck, looking damn gorgeous, and… there's this guy, having his hand on Buck's waist. And Buck smiles.
‘So, guys… meet Sam!’
And here goes this specific pause when everything just stops and all the sound goes down, this pause needs to be broken immediately. And Eddie is the one who breaks it with: 'Well, better than I expected. Nice to meet you ', - and he is the first to shake this guy's hand. Right under the sympathetic glances of Hen and Chimney. Very sympathetic. Very uncomfortable.
He can manage this, right? He just has to.
He manages it. But still he leaves this party first. Not that he intended to but he's a single father. He has a responsibility. That's the case. It has nothing to do with Buck's new boyfriend - boyfriend… That's unexpected! But, of course, nobody discusses it now, Eddie knows there would be a big overnight chat on that. He also knows he doesn't want to be a part of this discussion in any means -, or with all this looks Hen and Chim gave him. It is painful enough without their compassion. Hell he's pathetic.
‘It was nice to meet you, Sam. And I see you guys tomorrow on a shift’, - Buck still smiles: ‘I actually have a day off tomorrow, we have plans, you know there's a renaissance fair opening? We kinda want to visit…’ - Eddie surprisingly frowns. ‘We’ as ‘Buck and Sam’? But… he asks with a smile, not with a grin and he's kinda proud of himself: ‘The same renaissance fair you promised Chris we would be visiting on Wednesday? This renaissance fair?’
Buck's face changes. Well, at least he still has a conscience or something.
‘Oh hell I'm so sorry. How could I forget about it? But we.. well now I'm working on Wednesday… fuck’
Eddie laughs. It's funny. It really is. Or - why do Hen and Chim still look at him like that?! - his coping mechanism is working in a mysterious way.
‘You have to talk with Chris about it. That's fine with me but you have to talk with him - he was really looking forward to that day with you. Okay, I'm off. See you’
He hears Sam asking who the hell is Chris and fights himself to not turn around.
***
He was right. He hears his phone beeping drastically somewhere around midnight.
‘Buck has a boyfriend?! I didn't know he's even bi’
‘We never particularly discussed that but yes it's kinda unexpected’
‘Why? Didn't he share his college stories? I mean, do you guys have an issue with that?!’,- oh, Maddie is also there. That's fun.
‘No, that's not it, I just thought…’
‘I was sure it would be Eddie though’ - thanks, Maddie, really. That was really unnecessary.
After, there goes a constant wave of messages Eddie just doesn't want to read so he turns off the alert for this chat and goes back to sleep. Not for long though.
‘Eddie’
That's Hen
‘Did we say something?’
And then there's also Maddie’s message: ‘I’m sorry, I probably shouldn't say that’
‘U Ok man?’, - thank god, Eddie's already started worrying where's Chim, but no, here he is.
He opens the group chat. Doesn't read it, just sends one message for all of them
‘let’s hope Buck will be happy and you finally get back to sleep, sorry to bring it up but we have a morning shift’
Then he hides his phone under the pillow and seriously thinks about self-suffocating with the same pillow. He also didn't know that about Buck. How come?
But. It somehow helps. Like in a very painful way. So… he was an option. Buck just never was interested in him specifically. Not because he's not a woman. But because he's… Eddie. Never enough for literally anything.
***
‘Morning’, - he nods at Hen and goes straight to the coffee maker. Yes, he did ignore all the night discussion yesterday. No, he didn't sleep. Most probably it's easily readable on his face
‘Looking good. Eddie…’, - oh no, not this tone
‘I’m fine’, - it won't work, he knows that, but he can try. He tries. It doesn't work.
‘You didn't answer yesterday… do you maybe want to talk?’
‘I really, really don't… Can we please just forget it?’
‘Well… fine. But if you change your mind, I'm here for you’
He silently exhales.
‘Thanks’
And the day goes on. Pretty quiet - he would never say that but he definitely thinks that. They even got a chance to have a proper lunch at the station when his phone rings. And it's Buck.
‘Hi’
‘Hi Eddie, I just… listen. Can you maybe talk with Chris?’
Eddie takes another bite of Bobby's famous lasagne and can't feel the taste
‘No. It's all yours, I'm not covering it, cause it was your decision’, - he sounds plain and emotionless
‘But..’, - ‘Buck, if it was something else I would be helping you but this situation is on you. Deal with it yourself, okay?’
He will talk to Chris of course. But Buck should have at least some responsibility for his actions.
Eddie is a little disappointed at him right now and it's clearly visible. And Buck clearly hears it
‘Are you mad at me? Why?’
Why, Buck? Because you slightly go away from us. And I don't know how to stop you. I can live through it, I kinda knew it's inevitable. But now you let my son down. You left him. You promised you won't and still you did.
It's fine. You have your own life. I just thought we, Chris and I, are a part of this life and it turns out we're not.
‘I'm not. Sorry, need to work. Good luck with Chris. Have fun at the fair’
He ends the call and catches stares.
‘What?’
‘Nothing’
Hen and Chim look at each other.
‘Back to work’
***
‘Hey, bud. How was your day?’, - Eddie cuts an eggplant when Chris comes to the kitchen. Chris scoffs
‘Buck won't go with us to the renaissance fair tomorrow. Should we still go there?’, - Eddie holds his knife tighter: ‘You want it, right? We can have fun without Buck’.
Chris seats near him
‘Did you two break up?’
Okay, Eddie finally cuts his finger
‘What do you mean? Why?’, - Eddie instinctively puts his finger to his mouth, while Chris proceeds: ‘Well, he has a new friend. He went to the renaissance fair with him instead of us. It's either I did something wrong or you did’
Well, teenagers are scary. Chris as a teenager is even more scary. And it looks like Buck just opened Pandora's box.
‘No. No, Chris, it's definitely not you. And I don't think it's me. Buck just has a new person in his life now, he's too excited, that's all. It has nothing to do with us’, - ‘So you did break up, that's why he needs a new person.’
‘No’, - Eddie exhales: ‘No, we didn't. You have to be together to break up. We're just friends. Listen, Chris…. I'm really sorry it goes this way but I'm quite sure it's a coincidence’
Great, now you lie to your only child. Good job, Diaz, what's next? It's fine you lie to yourself but not him.
‘Chris. It's gonna be fine. We don't need anyone to have fun’
Chris just quietly nods and this silence hurts Eddie to the guts. Fuck you, Buckley.
***
Buck feels guilty. It's obvious. He tries his best to make it up for Chris and, actually, Eddie appreciates this. Maybe it's not that bad, maybe he was really just too excited and messed things up.
Eddie usually feels the urge to punish everyone who hurts Chris but in Buck's case it's not an option anyway. And looks like Chris is fine…
Eddie, on the other hand, is not fine. He's too far away from being fine. The opposite of fine. But it's not the first time he feels that way, so in general he got used to that already.
‘Eddie, how do you think Chris would like a weekend trip?’
‘Buck. Stop asking me, you know him quite well. And hey, you don't need to try so hard, I think. He most probably already forgave you.’, - Eddie lightly smiles. It's fine. He can deal with that, if Chris is happy… Everything is fine.
‘So we can take him with us, right? You're ok with that.’, - with us. Us. Eddie frowns and stops polishing the engine lights: ‘Sorry, you lost me here. You were saying … you want to take my son on a trip…with your boyfriend?’
No. Like no. Oh hell it does look like they broke up. No, worse. It looks like they divorced. It's awful. And it's not the case.
‘Well, kinda… ok, I can see your face but actually it's a great plan!’, - usually Buck's ‘great plans’ end up poorly and Eddie is well aware of that. Mostly because he used to be a part of these plans.
‘Elaborate, what is specifically great in your plan?’
Buck exhales and proceeds, trying not to look at Eddie, which is, actually, quite helpful in his own task of sorting the supplies: ‘Well, he's gonna like it, you'll have a free time… Eddie, don't you trust me?’
‘I trust you. I don't know Sam so I definitely don't trust him with my only son and I'm sorry to bring it up to you but Chris is… not an easy kid?’ - Buck pauses before spilling out: ‘Chim and Maddie are also going. So. There would be at least two first responders and a nurse. Does it help?’.
Not really, to be fair, but for very different reasons. So it's like a double-couple event. But..
‘And Jee Yun?’, - ‘Four adults and two kids, it should be fine’
Eddie keeps quiet. He knows that feeling. It's jealousy. He's jealous. It's his son. And hey, he doesn't need to make this decision actually!
‘Ask Chris, okay? I'm not a fan of this idea anyway but… ask him and let's see what we can do about it. And now, can you maybe start working?’
***
‘Buck called. He asked me if I wanted to go with them on a trip to the lake. I do like lakes…’, - Chris is working on his homework and bites his pencil as he does every time he's nervous
‘And? Do you ask for my permission?’, - he hates this idea but if Chris really wants this…
‘Well, no. I actually told Buck I don't want to. But I still like lakes, so I thought… Can we go somewhere interesting on the weekend?’, - hell Eddie loves his son so much it's hard to articulate right now: ‘Of course, bud. What do you have in mind? And why did you decline Buck's offer?’
Chris bites off the eraser of his pencil and frowns just like an adult: ‘I think… Maybe I just don't like Buck anymore?’
He's lying. Eddie knows it for sure. So… is it his fault? Chris does it because of him… He didn't want it.
‘Why? Did he do something wrong? I remember his fair mistake but hey, Chris, he loves you, don't you think you're too harsh on him?’
Chris doesn't answer. But he doesn't have to. Eddie knows it, his son has some kind of abandonment issue and now he's afraid that Buck leaves him. And he just takes…the easiest way.
This understanding is hurtful and Eddie clenches his fists. Eddie himself actually forgave Buck already. He wasn't even really mad at him in the first place. It wasn't the first time someone broke his heart, right? And to be really honest, Buck, technically, didn't do anything. He just didn't know. And he still doesn't know. And god help he must not know.
But it's Chris… it's Chris's heart.
Oh fuck you, Buck!