Work Text:
It was a nice breeze late autumn afternoon. The fog was falling slowly creating a bit gloomy atmosphere.
Mika was walking home from his part time job at the restaurant feeling exhausted the gentle wind soothing his tired body.
He decided on before going home he would take a quick break in the nearby park to rest a bit. He didn't pay much attention to the time or his still muted phone. The weather easing his worries a great deal. He always enjoyed the gloomy and foggy weather because it gave him a sort of comfort that he so really found.
He did not plane on staying out for so long but he just couldn't break free from his thoughts. He only realized how late it was when the sun fully set although it wasn't enough motivation for him to start going home. Well at least not yet.
He knew he was going to go home a little later than usual of him and he was getting afraid of his Oshi-san finding out about him picking up another part time job and not communicating his feelings directly and immedietly to him.
But he couldn't help it since he wanted to help out Shu with the living expenses and Valkyrie. He felt horrible for already not contributing nowhere near as much as him.
Shu reassured him countless times that it was fine and they have nothing to worry about at least as far as expenses go but that did little to ease his nervs.
He thought about calling Arashi and asking her to be his alibi but the idea of lying to his dear Oshi-san made his stomach twist amd would make her upset at him as well and she would put that anger she had at him to Shu.
So instead of continuing to lose himself in his drowning thoughts he decided on taking in the beautiful scenery around him.
Most of the leaves had already left there original home and fallen to the could hard ground and mud. Just like he would have had if not for the person most important to him.
Yet here he was hiding things from him and staying at a park all alone at this point in almost full darkness save for the couple street light swimming in what seemed to be an endless sea of fog.
It was calming and helped him collect his thoughts a bit.
A little while later he reluctantly begun making his way home again already feeling the nervesness taking him over.
Shu might be upset at him for a while but it wouldn't last forever. He was very upset at him when he picked up his previous part time job and kept reassuring him that it wasn't necessary and told him to quit it if his doing it for any reason other than for himself or if it started to effect his performance.
He was right on that. He indeed felt terribly tired and the idea of practicing today was out of the window.
He continued walking nervously tugging at the ends of his shirtsleeves.
He tried his best to not think about the inevitable "talk" between them when he eventually got home.
....
He reached the house and started to search for his keys in front of the door struggling to find the correct one as he usually did.
He thought Shu had already went to sleep not bothering to wait for him or was working on one of his project for the upcoming lives and he would get away from the questioning for at least tonight, but as soon as he stepped into there home that hope was instantly shattered.
Before him stood Shu already dressed up and putting on his shoes looking worried. It was unusual of him to show his worries that openly.
Shu shifted his gaze up at Mika immediately looking relieved.
He stood up and rushed to him hugging him close to his chest.
"Where the hell have you been Kagehira!?"
Said Shu after pulling away a bit.
"m' sorry Oshi-san it's just that, well y' know i just lost track o' time y' know hehe."
He begun mindlessly tugging at his shirt again not daring to look the other in the eyes.
"You know how much I worried that something terrible happend to you? Do you even know how late it is? Well of course you don't did you ever cared about that at any point of your life? Or you could have gotten sick and and that would make the live next week impossible! Do you even care about Valkyrie!?"
Mika kept his eyes glued to the ground tears begun forming in his mismatched eyes.
Shu noticing that immediately softened his tone previously not releasing how harsh he practically screamed at the poor boy.
"I'm very sorry for screaming at you like that Mika. You worried me to death. Please if you planning to stay out for that long notify me first."
"Ngh 'm very sorry, it won't happen again. I don't want to disappoint y' or bring a bad name to Valkyrie for staying out fer' so long."
"Mika you're shaking.. are you all right? Do you want me to assist you to the couch? Have you eaten anything today besides breakfast? Are you cold?"
Mika couldn't handle it anymore and begun crying uncontrollably burying his face in his palms.
Shu stepped closer guiding Mika to the couch and putting a soft comforter around him pulling him into a tight hug again.
"It's okay if you don't want to talk about what happened or what have you been doing. Tell me when you're ready and I will listen to you my love no matter how small or large the thing bothering you is. Your the most important person in my life, my partner in art, my Muse, the one i could count on even in the darkest parts of my life. I want to be there for you too until my heart stops beating."
Mika held onto Shu's arm and nuzzled his face into the crook of his neck.
"Ngh~ Oshi-san promise y' wouldn't be upset..."
"Well that depends on the matter so I'm sorry but i can not promise you that."
Mika composed himself as best as he could and begun speaking or at least that was the plane. Instead he broke down again crying and apologizing profusely.
" 'm really sorry Oshi-san I know y' already told me t' be more honest whit you and that I didn' need to work an' all but I jus' couldn't let you do everythin' all on yer' own both in Valkyrie an' at the house as well an' I..."
Another wave of tears washed over him cutting himself of.
Shu had a puzzled look on his face as he put together the pieces of what Mika told him so far while not stopping his fingers from brushing through the younger boys messy raven hair.
He already figured out one of the reasons of Mika's worries and felt like the other guess of his was going to be correct as well of Mika being nervous about his own reaction mentally facepalming at himself from yelling at him earlier and made mental notes to do better next time and try to be less harsh towards the poor boy.
"Hush my love. I'm here. There there now. Don't waste your tears on such lowly matter. So now where it is? Please do indulge me on at least that much."
Mika's eyes shoot up at him still full of tears and wide from the shock he felt from Shu seeing trough him so easily. Of course he knew he was much smarter than him but still it surprised him.
He sniffed brushing his tears in the sleeve of his shirt and defeated begun answering the question directed at him.
"Is' not that big o' a deal really. It' jus' me cleaning some tables and stuff like that y' know. It' not.. It won't affect my performance in Valkyrie in any way promise ya'!"
Shu looks down at him whit a slight frown on his face.
"My concern is not in you picking up a job by any mean Kagehira. It's about you overworking your self and not being honest whit me. You seemed to be out of focus latly and that leads me to assume that something is wrong or something is bothering you and you not disclosing it with me deeply concerns me. If something 'is' bothering you than please tell me. I promise i will do my absolute best not to overreact the topic."
Mika was essentially stuck in this situation for good. No way of avoiding it anymore and knowing how much his behavior have already distressed Shu enough he decided to voice his actual problem this time, not just the mere excuse of his new job to avoid confronting his own feelings.
"Oshi-san, sorry I mean Shu, what you jus' said 's all true. I should've told you this sooner. M really sorry fer' being like this..
Fer' a while now I struggled with my feelin's you know. I didn't want to be an even greater burden to you. Hehe but guess it only made things worse."
Started Mika now looking a bit less on edge.
"Please do indulge me."
"Well i know you said it was all right and it was fine but I can't help but feel like yer' the one doing all the hard work and I do nothin' but leach of the fame you and Nazu-nii earned. I don't feel like I'm enough of a person or human to be with you.
Thick silence fell between the two of them. Shu shifted his gaze to the floor as his fisted hands started shakeing. He tried to keep himself together but doing so seemed to become increasingly difficult for him, eventually turning impossible. Tears started rolling down on his cheeks as he silently started sobbing.
Mika tensed up and his heart dropped to the pit of his stomach.
"O-oshi san. I'm sorry I didn't meen to upset you.. i-!"
"Why.. why can't you see yourself through my eyes? Why can't you accept the fact that you are not in any case disposable-? His voice wavered as he completely lost his composure.
I know I done endless things that were unacceptable and I feel infinitely sorry for my behavior back than... I know a lot of time passed since than.. Me moving to Paris after my 3rd year here also must have been a slap in your face as well. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness and I don't feel like I have the right to say this considering my actions after ex Valkyrie's last live, but you are not a leech, not a burden and most definitely not doll. You are your own person of which I have robbed you from experiencing."
Shu's eyes gloss over with fresh wave of tears as he kneels in front of Mika bowing down to the ground.
"Please forgive me. You are the most important person in my life and I'm terribly terrified of loosing you-"
He's almost incoherent rambling cut of by Mika throwing himself on Shu, hugging him tightly, sobbing into his suit jacket uncontrollably. The room completely silent safe for their mixed sobs and broken reassurances of never leaving the other behind.
They remain like that for most of the night just holding onto each other like their life depended on it.
Booth of them aver of the fact that they eventually had to get up, get ready to head for ES but neither could will themselves to do so, finally feeling the unrelenting trust, love and comfort that both of them used to dream of having, afraid if they moved, this newfound feeling would shatter, disappear if they choose to move even just a bit.
Both of them knew, that they aren't perfect and needed a lot more time to develop into better versions of themselves and as a couple, but neither minded the immense amount of work and time necessary to achieve that. Both of them had time and now next to that each other to rely on and that was the only thing that actually mattered.