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Moon has always looked distant and cold to Trin. Hanging high in the night sky, surrounded by darkness and the constellations of stars, it represented the mystery, the unknown. He has never thought he’d associate this celestial body with someone as vibrant and exuberant as Tanwa. Yet here he is, standing on the balcony, looking at the moon and thinking of him, the lead singer of the band Moonshine, performing at the party for the moon landing. Everything seems to be about the moon these days.
The first time Trin saw him, on the stage under the lights, Tanwa looked stunning. He outshone everyone in the room, even the host, Moira. But even that couldn’t compare with how ethereal he looked at that hippie party in the Echoes of Euphoria, appearing from the crowd of high and drunken bodies, surrounded by music and smoke, like a pageant god. His smile felt like a divine blessing. And, for better or worse, Trin wanted to be blessed.
Trin can’t deny that he is charmed and intrigued by the man. He wants to see him again, to kiss him again, even if only once, to see if that kiss truly felt as good as he remembers or if his feelings were amplified by the weed. It could help to dispel the illusion, but it could also make it real instead. Trin isn’t sure he’s ready to take the risk to find out which it will be.
Besides, isn’t it foolish to think so much of a man who has no problem making out with some woman openly in the lobby? And then, he even had the nerve to ask why Trin ran away. He feels a sting of jealousy. Does their kiss even mean anything to the musician, or is Tanwa just fooling around like this with everyone?
It’s better just to forget about what happened and concentrate on the important things. He came back to Thailand to improve the country, to make people’s lives better, not to fall in love with someone annoying and irresponsible. And yet, the paper moon and the crane found their place on his desk, and Trin knew they’d stay there for a long time.
It doesn’t make any sense, though. How could a simple kiss, a mere brush of the lips, turn his whole life upside down, make him question his identity and everything he knows about himself? He wants to be mad at Tanwa for doing this to him. But the second he thinks of Tanwa’s bright, infectious smile, all the anger and annoyance turn into something that dangerously resembles fondness. The man is following him like a puppy. So damn adorable.
Trin catches himself smiling at the memory. Again. He hasn’t smiled so much since Claire, since the cozy dinners they sometimes shared with their friends. Speaking of which, Trin never had a problem being friends with a gay couple. He isn’t homophobic. Then why is his attraction to a man bothering him so much? Why can’t he give himself the acceptance he gives so freely to others?
He doesn’t have a simple answer to this complicated question. Unfortunately, feelings are much more difficult to organize than the books on his shelves. The only thing he knows is that Tanwa managed to get under his skin, into his thoughts, and is now dangerously close to his heart. There’s no point in trying to predict where this will take him. He’ll just need to be careful and see what their next encounter brings.
With that in mind, Trin steps back into his bedroom. It’s late already, and he has work in the morning. Another sleepless night is not part of his plans. After one last glance at the origami on his desk, he gets into his warm, soft bed and leaves the curtains open to see the moon before falling asleep.