Chapter Text
"Please, please come to auditions," Matthew’s voice on the phone is whiny when Hanbin answers his call, still half asleep on top of his laptop. "Seriously, it’d mean the world to Taerae."
Hanbin blinks a couple of times, trying to take in his surroundings. The light on his desk is dimmed, his laptop’s battery is about to die and he can feel the shape of the keys marked on his cheek when he goes to rub it.
"What auditions?" He winces at his voice. It sounds like he hasn't had water in days—maybe that's not too far off.
The doorbell to his apartment rings. Hanbin has half the mind to fix his hair before he stands to answer.
He doesn't even notice Matthew hasn't replied until he opens the door to meet him face to face.
"The auditions for Youth in the Shade?" Matthew looks like straight up ran to Hanbin's place; his hair is messed up and he's out of breath, his chest heaving as he leans on Hanbin's doorframe.
Hanbin ends the call on his phone and blinks lazily at Matthew.
"I'm working," Hanbin says simply..
Matthew looks pointedly at the keyboard marks on Hanbin's cheek. It makes Hanbin sigh.
"I'm not helping picking the cast," is what Hanbin says while he puts on his shoes.
📖🎬
"Oh, Hanbin hyung, I'm so glad you're here! You're gonna be so helpful for casting decisions," Taerae goes to greet him with a huge smile, offering Hanbin a strong, enthusiastic handshake.
Hanbin winces at Taerae's blinding grin. "Ah, I'm just here to see, I don't really want to get in the way of your work—"
"Nonsense!" Taerae shakes his head, his smile not falling, but something in his face makes Hanbin think there's no way he's taking no for an answer on this. "Having the author around will be great for decision-making."
Hanbin laughs nervously. "Right, I'm happy to help but, uh, I trust your judgment."
By the time he finishes his sentence, Taerae is already announcing to the rest of the crew that the author of Youth in the Shade will be joining them for auditions—and hopefully for the rest of the production—, and Hanbin is being surrounded by Taerae's overly excited coworkers, who tell him names and jobs Hanbin didn't even know existed.
Hanbin nods politely at everyone, hoping Matthew will be able to help him remember things and that he doesn't have to be present for the rest of filming like Taerae said.
A boy, probably a couple of years younger than Hanbin, approaches him and Matthew with wide, sparkly eyes and, despite being taller, the way he stands in front of Matthew almost makes him look like a puppy.
"Hello, Hanbin-ssi. I'm Gunwook, the scriptwriter," he introduces himself with a bow, despite not taking his eyes off Matthew. "Matthew hyung has told me so much about you."
"Ah, nice to meet you, Gunwook-ssi," he replies, bowing back. "I apologize for what you had to work with."
That actually makes Gunwook look away from Matthew, tilting his head and eying Hanbin curiously.
"What do you mean?" He asks genuinely.
"Oh, well, you know," Hanbin waves his hand dismissively, but Gunwook's stare doesn't falter. "You know, the, um, source material isn't exactly my best work."
Gunwook's smile returns with that, but it seems more determined than before.
"Hanbin-ssi, I love Youth in the Shade," he says earnest and firm.
"Ah," Hanbin chuckles nervously. "Do you?"
Gunwook nods eagerly. "Of course! I—"
"Gunwook-ah," Matthew places his hand on Gunwook's shoulder, making him turn his head around immediately, listening to Matthew like he's all that matters in the world. It makes Hanbin raise an eyebrow. "I think Taerae is calling you."
Gunwook looks around for Taerae, who is looking at him with urgency and apologizes before leaving Matthew and Hanbin alone.
Hanbin waves him goodbye.
"So," he starts, turning to Matthew with an amused smile.
"How about I buy you coffee and you pin this conversation for later?"
"Deal."
📖🎬
If Hanbin is fully honest, auditions suck.
In just a couple of hours, he's seen some of the worst acting in the world paired with the most embarrassing scenes Hanbin has ever come up with.
He didn't think he could be more against this adaptation than he already was, but something about seeing people perform what is, in Hanbin's opinion, his worst work is truly humbling. It makes his stomach knot in frustration at the fact that Youth in the Shade is the one getting a show out of all of his novels.
But that's the thing about Youth in the shade, isn't it?
He wrote it as a quick, cash-grab book; something to put his deepest teenage fantasies in and make his editor happy. And worked. Hell, it worked way better than Hanbin could've possibly hoped for. The novel became a best seller, popular in ways Hanbin's deeper, more passionate fantasy books had never been.
And suddenly, his editor wanted more. His new readers commented on every post he made asking for a new story, for a sequel, for something that Hanbin didn't want to do more of.
And then, of course, came the contract for the TV adaptation. Which Hanbin signed, clearly.
It was good money, and the company seemed to have enough respect for him and his work to offer him to be part of the entire thing—and Hanbin was grateful for it, even if he didn't necessarily want it. It was too good to pass up.
That didn't mean he enjoyed watching people act out his book that was cheesy and self-indulgent at best.
"Ohh," Matthew eyes the man standing in front of them and Hanbin looks down at the folder in front of him—Kim Jiwoong, 26, Wonju. "He's handsome."
Hanbin feels Gunwook deflate on his seat next to him while Taerae looks at Jiwoong with analytical eyes.
"Perhaps," is all Taerae say, making Matthew laugh.
Hanbin looks back to Jiwoong, but he seems unfazed by the way they speak of him like he isn't there. All he does is maintain a professional smile and stand straight, waiting for Taerae's instructions.
Taerae, at the very least, seems pleased by that.
"The floor is yours, Jiwoong-ssi," Taerae nods at him.
Hanbin doesn't know what he expected, but the way Jiwoong's demeanor shifts when he starts his performance makes him lean forward in his chair. There's something almost magical about the way he portrays Minho—the guy Hanbin wrote, inspired by who he wanted to be when he was fifteen—: the way he adds a certain gentleness to his voice and how he handles both the commanding aura of the character and the silliness of the plot.
It's the first time Hanbin finds himself invested in the story through an audition instead of cringing at the scenes he wrote sleep-deprived after watching compilations of BL drama scenes on YouTube.
When Jiwoong is done, he bows, a satisfied smile adorning his lips and, yeah, he really is handsome. If he wanted to be more involved in this, Hanbin would give him the role on the spot.
What he does instead, is take a glance at Taerae, who sits on Hanbin's other side and almost looks impressed as he looks at Jiwoong.
"Very well, Jiwoong-ssi," he says evenly. "We'll call you in a couple of days."
Jiwoong nods, bowing again and thanking them for their time, and walks out without looking back.
There's a moment of silence in the audition room after Jiwoong walks out, stillness in the air, only broken when Hanbin hears a muffled groan next to him.
"Holy shit."
Taerae has his head in his hands and Hanbin is baffled by the fact that he looks kind of angry when he takes a breath and uncaps a red marker to write in big bold letters on the top of Jiwoong's casting sheet.
OUR MINHO.
Taerae barely looks up when he speaks. "Everyone agrees, right?"
He doesn't even have to explain further or show what he wrote, because there's an echo of "yes" in the room from the rest of the crew.
"Good. Let's move on," Taerae says decisively.
📖🎬
When the last actor comes in, all Hanbin's brain can supply is pretty.
He can't be much taller than Hanbin, but the way he stands exudes elegance in a way Hanbin didn't even know was possible. His hair parts to the side effortlessly and soft, dyed a shade of red that makes Hanbin think of cherries and his eyes are big and curious—and it might be the lights tricking Hanbin but he could swear they glitter.
And he is pretty. Maybe the prettiest man Hanbin has ever seen.
Zhang Hao. 25. Fujian, China.
What's more interesting is that the past experience part of the casting sheet is just blank, which makes no sense to Hanbin because how could this man keep a face like that away from the world when it's so clear it was made to be appreciated.
There's a brief moment where Hanbin could swear their eyes meet and Zhang Hao straightens up further, before bowing deeply.
"Hello, my name is Zhang Hao. I'll be auditioning for the role of Jun."
Hanbin isn't sure what makes him stand up. In fact, he doesn't realize he does it until everyone is looking at him, clearly confused, making him grimace.
"I'll, uh, be back in a second," I mutters, looking down as he starts walking towards the door.
He barely walks past the crew table when he's stopped by the wrist, a gentle tug making him pause.
When Hanbin looks up, Zhang Hao's eyes have changed. They're still big, but where Hanbin thought the light made them shine, he can now see tears filling them up, a pleading look on his face.
"Don't you get it?" Zhang Hao's voice has switched from the gentle, polite tone, into something whinier, hurt. His lips pout when Hanbin looks at him in stunned silence. "I want you, hyung," he says, something heavy in his words. "What part of it don't you understand? It's always been you. And I don't care if it's all against us—I don't care if it'll hurt me. All that matters to me is what you want.
"And if you don't want me, that's fine, I can live with that, but say it." Hanbin opens his mouth to speak, but no words come out before Zhang Hao continues. "Just stop pretending nothing's going on. Stop…" He shifts, placing his free hand on Hanbin's jaw, running his fingers down in a way that makes Hanbin shiver. Zhang Hao steps closer, fully cupping Hanbin's cheek and leaning into his space as if he'll kiss him. "I can't keep acting like this isn't killing me. Please, Minho hyung."
It's only then, that Hanbin realizes what just happened, but when his body finally responds, Zhang Hao has already let go of him and turned back to the crew watching them.
Unlike his indifferent reaction with Jiwoong, Taerae immediately goes to sing praises to Zhang Hao.
"That was incredible, Zhang Hao-ssi!" He says excitedly. "I would love to see the convenience store scene, if you don't mind, but I think we've found our Jun," he adds, Zhang Hao nodding and getting back into character.
Hanbin excuses himself before he can even watch. His ears red and his hands sweating.
📖🎬
Of course, both Zhang Hao and Jiwoong get called back.
Hanbin isn't there for the chemistry readings, but Matthew makes sure to keep him updated, telling him excitedly about how wonderful they are together and how they'll be perfect for the show.
It's nice, Hanbin supposes, but he pays it no mind until he's being dragged by Matthew again to the very first rehearsal reading.
It goes smoothly, Hanbin thinks. Matthew was right when he praised Jiwoong and Zhang Hao's chemistry together and, despite his lack of experience in the field, Zhang Hao is incredible. He almost makes it seem easy, with the way he delivers just the right emotions as he reads lines and how he switches between his gracious demeanor and Jun's shy and sweet personality.
When he's unsure about something he asks Jiwoong or Taerae for their opinions and they dote on him as they help. It makes Hanbin wonder if he could be helpful, too.
When they're done for the day, Hanbin is grateful just from the thought of getting home and resting for a little bit before he has to get back to working on his first draft for the novel his editor has been begging him for.
He takes his empty coffee cup from and stretches as he says goodbye to the crew, not paying much attention to anyone as he pictures his couch back at home and the take-out he'll order from that Chinese place he likes.
He's walking towards the parking lot of the studio when he's stopped.
"Hanbin-ssi!" Zhang Hao's voice is clear and smooth when he grabs Hanbin by the shoulder and Hanbin pretends his chest doesn't tighten at the action.
"Yes, Zhang Hao-ssi?" Hanbin says carefully.
"Just Hao is fine," Zhang Hao smiles and something about the way he says it makes Hanbin want to listen. He swallows. "Or hyung. Your social media says you're twenty-four?"
Hanbin nods slowly, surprised that Zhang Hao went out of his way to check that.
"Right, Zhang Hao hyung," he replies slowly, his voice shier than he intended. "Do you need something?"
"Yes," Zhang Hao nods excitedly. "I just wanted to say how excited I am to be working with you," he says, his eyes sparkling sweetly. Hanbin's about to say something about how technically it isn't him Zhang Hao is working with, when Zhang Hao adds, "I'm a huge fan of your work."
It makes Hanbin pause, really taking in the words.
After a moment of silence, Zhang Hao's smile turns a little nervous, but Hanbin beats him to it when he opens his mouth to speak.
"Really?" He asks hesitantly.
Zhang Hao nods. "Yes! I mean, of course I love Youth in the Shade, but Blue Paradise is like… my favorite book ever."
Hanbin perks up at the words. "You've… read Blue Paradise?" He doesn't mean for the words to come out with such amazement, but he can't really help it—not when this beautiful man is praising his favorite novel out of the stuff he's published.
Zhang Hao nods again, his hold on Hanbin's shoulder tightening. "Yeah, when they announced one of your books was being made into a drama, I seriously hoped it'd be Blue Paradise or Melting Point— don't get me wrong, though! I was still really excited about Youth in the Shade," he rushes to say. "I was just hoping another novel would get its time to shine and…"
"I agree," Hanbin says without really intending to. Zhang Hao's smile is blinding.
"I'm glad," he replies, almost timid.
For a few seconds, neither of them say anything. All they do is look at each other with shy smiles on their faces, and Hanbin marvels at the sight of Zhang Hao's soft hair and high, rosy cheekbones.
"So," Hanbin prompts, making Zhang Hao's eyes widen.
"Oh, right!" Zhang Hao lets his hand fall off Hanbin's shoulder. "I was wondering if you'd be able to help me rehearse? You know, read lines together and maybe help me get a better understanding of Jun."
Hanbin is about to reply, to say something about how no, he can't—because he doesn't want to be more involved in the making of the drama than he needs to and he really doesn't think he'd be of much help anyway since Zhang Hao is already amazing—, but they're interrupted by Jiwoong sliding next to Zhang Hao, wrapping his arm around his shoulders and smiling at him charmingly.
"Hao-yah, you were great today!" He says as a greeting.
Hanbin frowns at the familiarity of both the words and the affectionate gesture. Surely, they're not close enough to be acting like that towards each other, right? Hanbin waits for Zhang Hao to move away or dismiss the words, but instead he watches as Zhang Hao preens under the praise, leaning into Jiwoong's side hug and chuckling.
"Thank you, hyung," he replies. "You weren't so bad yourself."
Jiwoong shakes his head gleefully. "I thought Taerae-ssi was going to kill me when I messed up that line."
"He wouldn't do that," Hanbin butts in, louder than he thought it'd come out and he tries not to shrink down when both Jiwoong and Zhang Hao turn to look at him.
Jiwoong tilts his head, his hair brushing against Zhang Hao's, and Hanbin ignores the weird feeling in his chest, because Jiwoong's smile towards him is nothing but kind and Hanbin hasn't had anything against him since they first met, but right now, he's feeling sort of strange about Jiwoong's presence.
"He's a little intimidating, though," is what Jiwoong says back. "By the way, thank you for this opportunity, Hanbin-ssi. I'm looking forward to working with you."
Hanbin's stomach tightens at the formality compared to the way he had spoken to Zhang Hao. "Just Hanbin is fine."
Jiwoong seems to contemplate this before shrugging, friendliness radiating off him. "Sure, Hanbin," he replies, before looking back at Zhang Hao. "Anyway, Hao, I was thinking—"
"I'll help you, hyung," Hanbin says, looking back at Zhang Hao with determination.
Jiwoong blinks at the interruption, but it's worth it when Zhang Hao's face visibly lights up as he immediately catches what Hanbin is referring to. "Thank you, Hanbin!" He exclaims as he moves away from Jiwoong's hold, takes out his phone and unlocks it to offer it to Hanbin. "Are you free tomorrow? Put your number in and we can arrange something and…" He rambles on as Hanbin types in his number, happy and so incredibly bright.
And Hanbin doesn't say it, but something about the confused look on Jiwoong's face makes him feel at peace.