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— i swear, i'm going to break this thing in half.
kibum, leaning his elbows on the sink for support while focusing intently on the objects in his hands, was frustrated. the small ampoule in his hand had no more than 1ml of the liquid, and yet he'd been fighting with the thing for 10 minutes - between the thick liquid and the syringe that, every time he pulled, the plunger would simply go back to the exact position it was before. he took a deep breath, straightened up (carefully, as to not contaminate the needle) and closed his eyes as to not snap.
— it's ok, sweetheart. no one's rushing you.
with a chuckle, jonghyun entered the bathroom and placed a small kiss on kibum's shoulder, which prompted his boyfriend to open his eyes again and lock eyes with him. seeing him there, being so supportive whilst looking like he's one comfy blanket away from snoozing away, forced a smile out of him. kibum really was thankful that he met this wonderful human being.
— i know, but no matter what i do, i can't get enough out. — he brought the syringe closer to their faces, looking at the lines on the barrel. — i only have... about half of what i need? and my fingers are getting oily and greasy because of the testosterone...
he finished the sentence with a whine, which prompted a chuckle from his boyfriend.
— can i? – jonghyun replied, taking a step closer with his hand extended towards the ampoule. kibum looked at his hands, hesitant. — i pinky promise i washed them, and used one of the hundreds of antiseptic wipes you keep on your shelf.
— you can never have too many! — kibum had replied defensively, but was assured enough by his words to hand over the item.
once tilted slightly, you could see how much liquid the ampoule had - it was still quite a lot, which jonghyun could've easily guessed by his boyfriend's complaints and half empty syringe. he took a step closer, and turned his body towards the syringe.
— here, i'll hold it. you can focus on just the syringe.
that's all it took for kibum to relax his shoulders, even if he didn't realise as he did it. he breathed in, brought the syringe to the ampoule and tried a slightly different angle to draw in more liquid. it worked, somewhat; he tilted the syringe upside down, leaned over the sink again and pressed on the plunger to eject the air out and analyse how much liquid he had now.
all jonghyun had to do was hold the ampoule and make sure no liquid went to waste, but he also got to watch his boyfriend's eyebrows draw closer from concentration, along with the pout that formed on his lips when he realised he still hadn't gathered enough. he wanted to kiss the frustration out of the man, to snap his fingers and have it all magically prepared for him - but most of all, he wanted this handsome human being to feel comfortable in himself.
it took a few more tries, somewhere between 5 to 10 minutes, for kibum to be satisfied enough with it. it wasn't exactly on the 1ml mark, it was a little under it, but his patience had already run thin and he didn't want to waste any more time. he put the cover of the needle, took it out and replaced it with the smaller gauge. he placed down the syringe and washed his hands, wanting to get the greasy feeling off of them.
by his side, jonghyun looked like a lost puppy - stood still, holding the ampoule in the same position, looking at kibum with nothing but adoration in his eyes. it made his heart melt a little, to see how loved he really was. had he stared a little longer he probably could've seen himself just the way jonghyun sees him.
instead, he dried his own hands and took the object from his grasp, disposing of it safely. he whispered a small "thank you" and kissed jonghyun's cheek. that action had been the catalyst jonghyun had needed to place his hands on key's waist and pull him closer, leaving kisses all over his face. this earned him an off-guard laugh, and a weak slap to his shoulder.
— jjong, your hand is all greasy!
the mentioned hand was swiftly drawn away from the soft spot on his skin, and space was made between the two of them so that jonghyun could admire his beloved once again. the way his eyes closed when he laughed, the stretch of skin on his lips followed by the sweet sound of his laughter, the way he instinctively went to cover his mouth with his hand. jonghyun truly loved it all.
under the gaze of his boyfriend, kibum felt his cheeks grow warmer. he felt slightly overwhelmed, with a touch of embarrassment, at the intensity of it and took a step back, trying to focus back on the task at hand. he looked over all the items he had scattered on the table next to the sink, trying to remember the next steps. he disposed of the larger needle, took one of the antiseptic wipes and placed his hand on his knee, going palm by palm until the third time, where he grabbed a part of his skin and wiped it down to make sure it was properly clean. once he was satisfied, he threw away the wipe and sat down on the closed toilet seat, grabbing the syringe with his free hand. he took a deep breath to relax his muscles, lined up the syringe and...
... nothing.
he froze. well, kinda. his hand was shaking slightly, this fingertips going slightly white with the force he was holding the object with. he stared at the stretch of skin, his eyebrows drawn closer together once again. he sat like that for a couple of minutes, trying to gather the courage to pierce the skin.
jonghyun was patient and non judgemental, but he was also incredibly sleepy and wanted to cuddle with his boyfriend. he was leaning on the sink, his gaze darting between the needle, kibum's exposed thigh, and his focused face.
— are you ok?
— yes! i just need to... actually do it. — kibum had said without blinking, not taking his eyes away from the needle. his breath had become shallower, too concentrated on the task to focus on breathing properly, but too scared to actually act upon it.
— ... do you want me to do it?
— have you ever done it before? — his eyes finally left the long piece of metal and met jonghyun's, who had a pinch on concern on them.
— no, but i know that you're scared. if it makes you more comfortable, i'll do it for you. i'll go slow.
— i appreciate the offer, but i'd be more terrified if someone who has no experience was doing it. — his tone was soft, trying his best not to sound like an ass while declining the offer. in response, he got a nod, and silence stretched again as kibum focused on the needle again.
at times, his frustration would show as he took a sharp breath and drew the syringe away, closing his eyes and shortly after going back for another attempt.
it had been around the 15 minute mark, and key's third frustration breath intake, when jonghyun softly asked:
— i'll grab some water for you, my love.
— wait, don't go! — he lifted his eyes to look at jonghyun, sounding (and looking) a lot more desperate than he wished to. jonghyun stopped in his tracks. — i don't wanna be alone.
— it's just a few steps away, i won't be gone for long. — he had said, but didn't dare to move yet.
— i know. logically, i know. but then i'll have to put the needle down to drink the water, and all the build up of strength will be gone and... — he took a sharp breath in, clearly frustrated. — this is so dumb, i've done it once before.
— hey, it's ok-...
jonghyun was interrupted by key looking back at his skin and finally piercing it without any fear. the skin slowly swallowed the metal until it was touching the plastic edge. kibum's face was focused, not really showing any sign of pain. he raised his hand to the plunger, slowly pushing it so the liquid would enter his body. his eyebrows shook a little, from relaxed to drawn together, and jonghyun waited until the liquid was fully in to move. he took the plaster atop the table and waited until kibum removed the needle, placing it carefully on top of the injection site.
— that felt weird. — key said, voice a lot calmer, looking at jonghyun like all the energy had left his body along with the adrenaline. — putting the needle in didn't hurt at all, but feeling the liquid enter my body... that was painful.
— it'll get better with time, honey. — jonghyun said as his hand softly caressed key's thigh, right over the newly formed bump.
— i know. i can't wait to barely be able to move my leg for the next week. — the tone of fake enthusiasm made both of them chuckle, and jonghyun extended out his hand to help kibum up. he gladly took it, standing up and starting to dispose of all the equipment.
while kibum made sure everything was safe and clean, jonghyun headed to the kitchen and grabbed a cup of water along with a piece of chocolate, returning to his boyfriend and extending out the small sweet treat to kibum's lips. he smiled, took the chocolate into his mouth and ate it, following it by a sweet "thanks".
arms circled his waist whilst he cleaned, followed by a head resting on his shoulder. he took a quick peek at the mirror and noticed jonghyun's eyes closed - he smiled, both at the warmth of the other's body and how cute he looked while sleepy. he was finishing up when he was caught off guard by a soft:
— i'm proud of you.
he looked back at the mirror, and jonghyun still had his eyes closed. kibum stopped and turned around in his arms, prompting jonghyun to raise his head and open his eyes, being met with his lover's. hands cradled his head, caressed gently and he welcomed it gladly.
— thank you for being patient. — kibum said in a whisper, following it with a soft kiss that jonghyun could compare to what he thought heaven felt like.
once they separated (and after a few minutes of nothing but loving gazes), kibum took a sip of the water and put all the items he would need again in three week's time away, taking hold of jonghyun's hand and guiding him towards their bedroom.
— i think we both need some well deserved rest.
— i'll rest well as long as i'm with the man of my dreams by my side.