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“Jax…do you…like me?”
“What?” Jax turned around, feeling his throat clog up. This couldn’t be happening-no way, not in front of all these people. He’d always felt some kind of need to be the center of attention, but now he’d give anything to just be invisible.
“Is that-is this-that-is that what you think it is? That’s-.” And now he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t couldn’t breathe. Horror etched itself into his face at the feeling of oncoming tears pricking at his nose and eyes. He turned his stare downwards, away from Miles and Alya, and Bianca and everyone and everything but he could still feel their stare and for the first time in his life he wanted to claw his way out of his own skin.
“That’s not what this is-that’s-.” But, wasn’t it? That’s why he felt so confused, and why he was shaking and why he couldn’t keep his composure when he’d gotten so good at it lately, despite Alya’s protests of ‘just show that you feel something in front of other people’, although he was sure that was more directed at Bianca, who’d been flitting around but in her faux calm way. He wouldn’t have seen the anxiousness creeping at her edges if he wasn’t watching as close as Alya had been.
Jax pursed his lips, trying to force the tears back inside without giving any indication he was doing so.
“Jax…”
“I don’t, Miles okay.” He choked out, cringing when his voice cracked and the tears were coming down anyways so that was fine. He would’ve traded losing his composure in front of Kit or Miles or the entire student body if he could’ve kept it this one time. The one time he’d needed to keep face was the one time his body refused to let him do so; he was at his limit.
“So just,” Jax breathed in deeply, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly, “So just drop it, okay? And-and tomorrow, please-.”
He looked at Bianca and Alya, “Please let’s just go back to the way things were before-let’s, let’s pretend this never happened.”
“But-.”
His gaze snapped back to Miles. Jax grit his teeth, and cracked out a loose grin, the word please etched into the shape of his mouth. Miles flinched slightly, but tightened his jaw and nodded once.
Jax grin grew wider, and he held his arms out gingerly, “You can give me a hug if it’d make you feel better.”