Work Text:
TAKE ME HOME
She was letting him watch her sleep, it was her gift to him, before she would leave for good.
She had wanted to leave that night, run to a faraway place where no one would ever find her, but the thought of him had stopped her. She would give him one last night, one last night where he could watch her sleep and where he would go asleep with a smile on his face. She had wanted to give him that, before he would wake up the next morning and she would be gone, before he would lose her for good.
She did not want to leave him, she truly didn’t, but she had no choice. She was going to a place no one could follow, or at least she would never ask anyone to follow her, that would be an awful thing to ask of someone.
He stroked the side of her face and gave her a kiss on her forehead, before turning around and going asleep. She breathed out a sigh of relief, it wouldn’t take long for him to fall asleep and then she could finally leave. She peeked at the clock on her bedside table, it was almost 4 a.m. and she wondered why he hadn’t gone asleep sooner.
She waited another hour to be sure he was asleep and then she got out of bed. Even though she didn’t really think it was necessary, she dressed in shorts and a light tank top. Even though it was only five in the morning, it was already starting to heat up. She walked over to the nightstand and got the letter she had written for him and her family out of the drawer. She put it on her pillow, sure that he would find it the moment he woke up, exactly as she would have planned. She was surprised by how calm she was, maybe the nerves would come once she was where she was planning on going.
She got her backpack, which contained a bottle of water, a snack and her book. She had planned her last day here perfectly. She would leave him, go to the woods and her favourite place, a clearing right on top of a cliff, which looked out over the town. Then she would read her book there, maybe eat a snack and when she finished the book, she would leave.
She had made peace with everything, with her fate, with leaving everything and everyone behind. Of course it hurt, leaving her family, leaving him, but it was what she wanted. What she had decided upon and she wasn’t going to change her mind now. So she was walking to the forest not far from where they lived and once in the forest, she walked the familiar path towards her favourite spot. Once there she sat down at the edge of the cliff, put her backpack down next to her and looked at her town and the sunrise behind it.
A while ago she had thought it would have been a good idea to take him to this place, to show him one of her most precious secrets, but she had been toying with the idea of leaving already and so she decided against it. If he knew of this place, he would surely think she had gone here and find her and that was exactly what she didn’t want. Her brother knew of this place and he could tell him, but he wouldn’t be able to walk the path without someone who knew it and her brother was somewhere in Europe, so she didn’t really worry about that. Her brother would take him after she was gone and then maybe it would become his favourite place too.
She glanced at her watch, it told her it was about noon. She was sure that if she would turn on her phone, that she would have missed calls from him, but she didn’t, she wasn’t planning on going back. So she got her book out of her backpack, settled against a tree and started reading while enjoying the sun on her skin.
He must be awake by now and trying to reach her, to find her, but she’s not going to let him. He must have read the letter and he must be confused. The letter she had left behind was addressed to him, but also to her parents and to her brother. She had wanted to let them know where she was going, she had wanted to let them know that she was leaving and not coming back. That it had nothing to do with them, that she loved them and that she was sorry, for she was surely hurting them. But she also needed them to know that this was what she wanted, she wanted to leave.
It was not that she wanted to leave them per se, it was more she just wanted to leave everything of her old life behind. Everything that caused the fear, the panic and the stress of just being.
They deserved a whole person, someone who could be happy and someone who could make them happy. This was mostly directed to him, she wanted him to find someone better than her, someone who could make him happy and whole. She knew that that wasn’t her and by now she had accepted that. The letter ends with telling them she loved them and that they should just let her be, it was okay and they could let her go.
She put her book down for a second and looked at her town, it was probably around six in the evening and she sun would go down in the next two hours or so, luckily this meant she had enough time to finish her book and watch the sunset, before she would leave this place behind for good.
Her chest ached suddenly and she realized it wasn’t because she was leaving, but because she was leaving him. She grabbed her backpack and frantically searched for the picture she knew was in there.
After a couple of minutes of shoving things aside she found it, it was a simple picture of him. They had gone to a lake, so secluded in the mountains that there had been nobody else but them. It had been late afternoon and they were lying on a soft blanket by the side of the lake. He had fallen asleep and she had been watching the light dancing over him. She had felt so happy just watching him sleep, that she had decided to take a picture. It was beautiful, the way the light coloured his hair made her smile again now, looking at the picture. She felt tears falling down her cheeks and she mentally cursed herself for taking the picture with her.
She looked at the picture one last time and put it back in her backpack. She was going to miss him, he was the only thing she regretted to leave behind. She picked her book back up and started reading again, determined to finish before the sun set.
It was another hour or so before she looked up from her book, the sky was darkening at the oncoming sunset and had turned a dark blue and purple, with dark orange tinges where the sun was starting to set. She was so caught up in the beauty of it, that at first she didn’t hear the footsteps coming towards her.
She put the book down again, wanting to watch the sunset, when suddenly a shadow fell over her. She looked up and there he was. He had a sad smile on his face, ‘’I found you’’ he said, but he didn’t sound happy, just sad. She realized that he had always known about this place, he had always known where she went, he just wanted to let her keep it. To let her keep her own secret place, until she was ready to share it with him.
She had moved to the edge of the cliff again and he quietly came to sit down next to her. He was sitting close enough so their hands could touch, but he kept his to himself.
They sat in silence for a while, she could feel panic starting to rise in her chest. He wasn’t supposed to be here, she was afraid he was going to stop her from leaving. But then he spoke and she had to listen to him, even if what he said didn’t make any sense. ‘’Did you know our anniversary is coming up’’ it was more of a statement than a question, ‘’I remember when we went to that lake in the mountains’’ he wasn’t looking at her, but at the sunset and at the town. ‘’I bought the cabin there and found a job close by, so I thought we should move there’’ she glanced at him from the corner of her eye, but didn’t respond. ‘’Everything is already set up, so we’re ready to go’’ he looked at her now, ‘’I love you’’ he said as he put his hand over hers.
She looked at his hand over hers, somehow without her noticing he had put a ring on her finger. Her eyes widened and she finally looked at him, just as she was about to say something he spoke. ‘’Look I didn’t really come here to stop you from leaving, because if that is what you want then…’’ he seemed to choke on his own words, ‘’If after this you still want to leave, then I will stay with you until you do’’. She wanted to protest, but when she looked in his eyes she understood, he would be with her until the end, if she wanted him to or not.
She felt as if something was pulling away from her, something heavy which was weighing her down.
‘’You wrote in your letter that I deserved someone happy and whole, who could make me happy and whole’’ she looked down at their joined hands again, she remembered writing the letter, she believed everything she had written, but he was making her doubt herself. ‘’When I read that, I felt as if someone was tearing at me from the inside out’’ he grabbed onto his shirt with his free hand, ‘’and not because of what you said, but because I felt so horrible that you felt that way’’. He grabbed her chin and forced her to look up at him, but she still averted her eyes. ‘’You might feel broken and unhappy, but to tell me that you can’t make me happy and whole’’ he seemed to struggle for words. ‘’You are the thing that makes me whole and happy, everything about you makes me feel light and happy’’ she could feel the tears in her eyes, ‘’I just wanted to let you know that, before you left. I needed you to know that’’ he squeezed her hand, ‘’I needed you to know that I need you, because you make me not want to leave’’. She finally looked him in the eyes and she knew she could never leave him. She might feel broken, but now she realized that he made her happy despite herself.
She suddenly felt very light for a moment, but then he let go of her hand and he started to get up. He was halfway up when she grabbed frantically at him, trying to get a hold of something so he couldn’t leave. He looked down at her, surprise and relief flooding his face, and he sat down again.
There were tears streaming down her face and he seemed to understand, she leaned into him and put her head down on his shoulder. He pulled her close and she put her arms around him.
They sat like that until long after the sun had set, it was incredibly dark in the forest, but she didn’t notice. Her body was heavy and she felt her eyes starting to droop, she leaned against him heavily and whispered ‘’take me home’’.
EPILOUGE
He was watching her sleep, just like the night she had tried to leave. He felt just as much peace and happiness as he had felt that night, but that night he had felt apprehension. He had known there was something wrong with her and the letter he had found the next morning had proven him right.
He had known immediately where she had gone, he had also know she wouldn’t leave right away.
So he had decided to wait until it was almost time for the sun to set, he had found the path easily and soon he had found her sitting on the edge of the cliff. He had known that his words might not have been enough, but she had listened to him and he had known from the look in her eyes when he had slid the ring on her finger, that she was back with him.
Four years had passed since then, they had moved to the house at the lake and after about a year and a half they had gotten married.
Of course it hadn’t just been as if nothing had happened. He had been afraid to leave her alone at first, but she had promised him that she would go to therapy ad after two years she was better. She had learned to talk about her problems and now they solved them together.
Now he was watching her sleep, she was on her back. One hand on her stomach and the other holding his. He smiled and put his hand over hers on her stomach, she had told him about three months ago that he was going to be a father and he couldn’t be happier.
She turned on her side then, with her back towards him. Her hand searched for his, he lay down next to her on his side and put his arm around her. He laced their fingers together and nuzzled his face in her hair. He kissed the top of her head and whispered: ‘’I’m glad you decided to come home’’. Soon after he fell asleep, a smile still playing on his lips.