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Louis was pissed. No, pissed didn’t even begin to describe how he was feeling. It was like a mix of wanting to bust the windows out of Zayn’s car like some crazy break-up music video, and wanting to sit in his lap and cry about why this was happening. How could this happen? What did he do wrong? Was he not enough? Was the band not enough? Sure, all of the boys complained about how stressful life was, joked about quitting and becoming hermits on some far off island with their millions and their family, but that was all drunken banter when things got too much. He didn’t think anyone would actually do it, especially Zayn. Maybe Liam, or Harry, but never Zayn. Zayn was Louis’ rock. They needed Zayn. He needed Zayn. Louis wanted to scream, but suddenly the phone was ringing, and he had to pull himself together and answer like a normal person.
Louis hoped it wasn’t Zayn, he was the last person the boy wanted to hear from but at the same time he also kinda hoped it was so he could beg the man to come back so everything could be okay again. Pulling the rectangular device out of his pocket, Louis groaned as the screen displayed harry’s name and a picture of a banana wearing sunglasses. He didn’t want to talk to Harry.
He wanted to talk to Zayn, he wanted to yell and scream at Zayn, and swear at Zayn, not sit and talk to Harry about his feelings and be forced to act like a mature adult about things. Sighing he pressed the tiny green cell-phone on his screen, accepting the call.
“ ‘ey, curly.”
He coughed after speaking, clearing his throat. He could hear how thick his voice had become with tears.
“ Hey Lou, are you alright man? You know if you want, we can roll by Zayn’s house with our bats and fuck up his windows, then speed off like in the movies, and the- “
Louis couldn’t help the surprised bark of laughter that left his mouth, fucking Niall. He always knew how to cheer everyone up.
“ Niall, you piece of shit, no! “
Louis found himself speaking through an odd mixture of tears and giggles. Only Niall could have a crying man laughing at the same time.
“ I don’t wanna fuck up his windows, I wanna fuck up his stupid fucking pretty face. “
Louis found himself pouting at the end after his giggles had died down. The seriousness of the situation finally catching up to him, Niall only sighed before speaking quietly into the receiver, his serious voice on now.
“ Look mate, me and Z talked it out and you have to understand. He’s not happy in the band and he needs to do what’s best for him, y’know? We’ll still be One Direction, and Zayn will still be our mate, just, seperately. “
Louis found himself nodding at Niall’s words, despite the fact that the Irishman couldn't see him. The meaning behind them settling deep beneath his skin. It made sense, everyone knew Zayn hated being in the band. He’d always disappear and barely speak in interviews. It wasn’t really a surprise when he split no matter what Louis told himself. Yet still, here he was crying like a baby over it. Sighing, Louis found the strength to tell Niall bye, and hung up the phone, deciding to sleep on it, and call Zayn after he'd thought it out.
-----
Weeks pass, and every night Louis was still sleeping on it. He couldn’t bring himself to answer Zayn’s calls, or his texts. Louis couldn’t feel anything past betrayal, and he knew as soon as Zayn answered the phone and said so much as hey, he’d be like putty in the other man’s hands. Louis needed time. Time to be sad, and be hurt, and acknowledge the fact that this is not okay. But much to Louis’ appreciation, after a while, he didn’t need the excuse of ‘sleeping on it’ because they were forced back into interviews, recording sessions, and concerts. The only time Louis was forced to actually think about or mention Zayn was when he smiled politely in an interview and told the host of whatever show they were on that “Zayn just wasn’t happy in the band.” When they asked why the ex-member decided to leave. Louis’ main focus was on keeping the fans and the band together and letting everyone know that One Direction wasn’t over.
Honestly, things were fine until they weren’t. Louis had done a great job at hiding his emotions and putting on a smile. He'd been polite and cordial through out this whole mess, and this all went to shit and was thrown out of the window when Louis realised that some people didn't deserve manners and it was time to let a bitch have it. That certain bitch had to be the irrelevant, yet deserving Naughty Boy, who deemed himself Zayn’s new “brother” and “ best friend” much to Louis' discomfort. This little display of anger and sass didn’t go over well with anyone. His Twitter was taken, Zayn was sending him angry texts, and the boys were all disappointed. The whole situation made Louis overwhelmed and he was honestly ready to get high off his arse and relax.
Sitting in the back of the van with the other three boys, Louis was bored. He’d began ignoring everyone and had noone to talk to. Pulling out his phone, Louis shot a text to his good friend and prosperous weedman, Aamir. The mans contact had been saved in Louis’ phone as ‘Steve’ as an inside joke. Louis silently wondered if the other boy still had his saved as ‘Bucky’. Chuckling at this, Louis watched as the “wyd” text finally delivered, patiently anticipating a response. After a minute or so he felt the device buzz and made quick work of unlocking it and reading the message.
Steve:
why
Louis chuckled, shaking his head and replying.
‘you free 2nite?’
The next reply seemed almost instant.
Steve:
why?
Louis rolled his eyes, a small smile still on his lips.
‘wanted hang with u shithead’
The next reply took a bit longer, the van had already stopped and the other boys were unloading, he finally felt the device buzz again as he found himself stepping into the lobby of the hotel they'd decided to stay at.
steve:
When?
Louis found himself smirking, hanging out with Aamir meant either another scandal in the media or a night in eating various snacks and watching high school musical while high. And Louis honestly couldn't care less which one it was, he needed to break.
-----
Louis was high.
He was calm and numb, and everything was fucking hilarious. He was laying on the couch with Aamir, his legs in the other boys lap as he successfully ate the better part of a family bag of Doritos. High School Musical 2 was playing softly in the background as the two boys giggled every now and then, sung along to the songs or whispered commentary. Louis finally sigh, rolling up the bag of chips and sitting it on the coffee table in front of him before turning his attention toward Aamir.
“ I really fucking hate Zayn. “
The boy finally said after a moment of starring at his friend. They stared at each other for a while, seemingly absorbing the information before bursting into a fit of giggles.
“ You fucking don't. “
Aamir corrected, after they'd calmed down, taking a hit from the blunt he'd held between his fingers, Louis had long since forgotten they'd been sharing it.
“ I think you wish you could hate him. “
Louis scoffed, trying not to seem phased by the truth of the other mans words, deciding on poking the other boy in the chest with his foot instead of replying, a pout on his lips.
“ You're not s’posed to correct me Steve. This is why I never come over, you're always bullying me. “
Aamir only rolled his eyes, pushing the boys feet away and standing, offering a hand after he'd dusted the chip dust off of his clothes. Louis took it, letting himself be helped up, still pouting.
“ You never come over because you only come over when you're not being famous and you wanna smoke all my stuff and not pay, even though you're the richest person I know. “
Louis gave a small laugh at the irony.
“ Now, you need to get over to Zayn’s while you're still cute and pliant and not being a stubborn fuck.”
Louis pouted at this, trying to plop back down on the couch but the other boy only held him up.
“ Come on Lou, stop being stubborn. If it doesn't work out, you can just say you were high and go back to pretending like you don't miss him. “
Louis nodded at this, the rational part of his brain a little less clouded by the weed. He let himself get escorted to the other boys car and fell asleep as soon as it started moving. He was soon woken up by light nudges and a whisper for him to wake up. Then he was being helped to walk and he heard a doorbell ring, then there was Zayn and he was being laid down on a couch.
Suddenly he was being nudged again and there was Zayn again, in all his angelic glory offering Louis a mug saying something about tea. Seeing Zayn, even with the haziness of the weed to keep him calm, was like being hit with a truck. He was suddenly engulfed in a wave of anger and pain and sadness and he was crying. Zayn, in an attempt to console the boy began to hold him but Louis didn’t want to be touched.
“Leave me alone, i hate you.”
Louis mumbled through his tears, wrapping his arms around himself and curling up into a ball on the couch. He watched as Zayn only sighed, setting the cup down on the coffee table, before turning to leave.
“ Suit yourself, I give up.”
Louis snorted. “ That’s new.”
Zayn was quick to whip around at this, an eyebrow raised.
“ Excuse me?”
Louis unravelled himself from his little ball of sadness, to stand, puffing out his chest to make himself seem bigger.
“ You heard me. “
Zayn only came in closer, sizing Louis up, even though they stood at a pretty close height, Louis suddenly felt three feet tall.
“ No I don’t think I did, because that’s fucking rich coming from you-”
Louis was quick to interrupt, “Me? I’m not the one who left! You fucking abandoner! You left us, not the other way around!" he shouted, punctuating his words with a shove at Zayn.
“ I didn't leave anything but the band, I still keep contact. Unlike some people who act like they’re too good to send a fucking text or call!” Zayn backed this up with another shove, much harder than the one he'd received from Louis.
The shorter boy stumbled a bit, but promptly retaliated. “ Don’t put this on me like i ruined this friendship, you knew what you were doing when you left! You knew how I'd feel!” With another shove the boys were suddenly on the floor, each trying to roll on top of the other. Zayn made quick work of grabbing both of Louis’ wrist in his hands and pinning them above his head so the other boy couldn’t move as he straddled his waist. Louis tried to struggle, giving up after a few futile tries. The boys both panted in the silent room, calming Zayn’s grip loosened a bit but Louis remained still, silently missing being in such close proximity of the other boy.
“ This is your fucking fault, Lewis. You shut me out. You ignored my calls. You started that shit drama on twitter, we’re like this because of You. “
And then Zayn was releasing Louis’ hands and leaving him, Louis could feel tears well up in his eyes as the heat of Zayn’s body left his. Kicking his leg over Zayn’s waist before he was fully up, Louis rolled them over, crashing their lips together in a painful kiss, tears falling from his eyes onto Zayn’s face before pulling away. They sat in a comfortable silence until Louis spoke, his voice only a whisper.
“I know it was my fault, and I'm sorry but that doesn't mean you get to leave me again. I miss you, you piece of shit.”
Zayn nodded at this, wrapping his arms around the older boy and pressing a kiss on his forehead.