Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chapter one
Why did I do that?

Travis pov

I sat there… behind the fucking devil. he has this ugly ass black shirt on… and ugly red pants. and fucking perfeckt blue hair… no no no nonono! not again! slip out of these awful thoughts! hes a faggot! He's a queer! hes a… a…

“Okay class silence!” Mrs. Limac almost yells. The whole class went quiet. Everyone seems quite scared of Mrs Limac. we had her last year and she was very strict and didn't respect sals.. prosthetic and stuff. she doesnt really like him.
“SALLY FISHER!" Why does she use sally? That's not even his name. she just wanna annoy him as much as possible.I realise that Sal is sleeping. He wakes and makes some groaning sounds.

“Its sal!" and im sorry” sal replies half asleep

hes a faggot, hes a queer, hes disgusting, and gay, hes going to hell! i try to tell myself that this is wrong. falling for a boy is wrong. hes not fantastic and perfect… and delightfull, and so… so… soft. his hands are so soft, his body is so soft, maybe his lips are sof… WHAT THE HELL! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! FUCK HIM HES SO DISGUSTING.

“What did I just say Mr Phelps?” Mrs Limac lifts an eyebrow. shit shit shit.

“Im sorry mrs limac, i didnt pay atention”

“Well if this happens again you'll get detention after school!”

“yes mrs limac”

“Okay class lets go on”

How could I think of stuff like that? I'm going to hell. I don't wanna go to hell. And definitely not with sally face.
I move my hands under the table and put them together. I started praying. praying for forgiveness and that I would never think such thoughts again. I will keep praying till god fixes m…

“Mr. Phelps! Excuse me! looks like someones going to detention with sally today”

“SAL” sal replies.

“what! No! i did pay attention”

“Okay well what did i just say”

“I…”
I skimmed the board to find any type of clue. but all that was written was from yesterday's class.

“Mr Phelps you have detention after class”

No no no. I can't have detention with Sal! hes so… why do i feel this way…

I locked my locker. Everyone else was leaving the school. I have detention. WITH SAL! the boy I hate with all my… heart. Why do I feel kinda happy about it… wait. SHIT. fathers gonna kill me if he finds out I got detention. I need to find an excuse. i… i beated up a.. a… a faggot. Yeah. He would properly let it go if the guy was gay. actually he would be proud… maybe i should beat sal up after detention… I could get close to him this wa… NO i can tell him how disgusting he is! fuck you brain…

Of course. of course i had to sit RIGHT NEXT to sal. This is properly Jesus punishing me. I deserve it. Sal walks into the detention room. which is also Mr. Hermens' classroom. He teaches math.

"Dude!" why are you here?” Larry says behind me. I didn't even notice him when I walked in. He usually pushes me or something like that. Sal walked beside. He was on his way to make that stupid handshake with Larry. I saw my chance and pulled my foot right in front of him. He reacts too late and falls. As he hits the ground, with his face. or actually mask, the loud bump makes its way right though my heart and suddenly i feel so hollow. Why did I do that. Sal didn't do anything. well… hes a faggot! he derseved… that…

“Sal!” Larry yelled as he jumped down to sal.

“What the hell man!” Larry looks up at me with pure anger in his face. I just turned around and didn't say anything. because if i tried to say anything i think i might… cry.
Larry lifts Sal up and lets him rest on his shoulder. I looked slightly back just to see what I had done. His mask was fine, though I could see blood dripping from underneath. his nose is definitely bleeding. but he's also holding his stomach tight. Maybe the books he was holding hit him in the stomach. I thought I would feel satisfaction and pride after that. But… All I can think about is how much I want to be in Larry's position right now. Holding sal tight into me. caring for him. and helping him… I needed to do that. I needed to do that. I needed to… do that.

detention was over. it was hard not to look at sal. but the fact that he was properly pissed kept me from looking… all the time. well now i need to make up for the thoughts. even though it sucks… I need to. for my father.

Sals pov

Larry and I are both at my locker. I'm checking if my mask is okay, and Larry is covering for anybody who might see me. He's a real hero. He doesn't have to look away though. but he does. I appreciate the respect but, i don't really like that my own brother doesn't look at me.

“im gonna kill that mother fucker!” Larry says. He's always saying that but I always talk him into sense. What's the point? That doesn't make Larry better either. I know Larry. He's not like that. or he is… but only to people who hurt me.

“Larry, please just go home. I'm coming right after you "Larry looked suspicious at me.

“What are you planning on Sal? We always walk home together.” I wasn't planning on something, I just wanted some alone time.

“Look, I feel like being alone right now. But it has nothing to do with you i promise" Larry slides out of the suspicious expression, but still keeps a questionable face on.

“Fine. just… hurry home okay”

“I promise. I'll be right after you” I place a hand on Larry's shoulder. He laughs because I almost struggle to reach. I know I'm small but WHY did my best friend have to be the tallest person in the world. It makes me look like a kid. Larry then starts walking away from me. He looks back fake sobbing. making the scene way more dramatic than it is, on purpose.

Larry is out of sight now. I grabbed my book and put it in my bag. We have some homework to do. I feel a sudden pressure on my wrist. I look back to see Travis. He's pissed for some reason.

I'm screwed! He pulls me so hard in the arm I fall. He drags me over the hallway floor.

"Hey." What the fuck travis” im so confused.

“Keep it quiet, Sally face. i dont wanna hear your nasty faggot voice” travis is red in his face. but he doesn't seem to be mad… or he is definitely mad but… i dont know why I try to defend him, while he's dragging me to god knows where. I realise that I'm not even doing any defence. So I start fighting back. I got my wrist free from his grip. but as soon as i stand up he pushes me to the ground again. He places his shoe on my chest.

Travis pov

I need to. I need to. I need to. I need to. I'm so sorry sal but I need to.
I kick Sal right in his stomach and then I step back…
Wait. Why did I step back? That wasn't the plan! I can see sal clinged together. This is so wrong. He doesn't deserve this. That should be me. He's hurt. I can see he's trying to scream but nothing comes out of his throat. I want to help him so badly… but… I can't. not after all this. My heart is beating a thousand km per hour right now and I'm sweating. I need to get out of here before Sal sees me so emotional and weak. I’ve beaten him up before… why cant i just do it again…

I turn around on one foot and start running down the long hallway. I need to get out of here. away from sal. I ruined every chance I had with him. What am I even talking about? I'm Travis Phelps. the fucking school bully. but… wait… I can't just leave sal there. What if he's seriously hurt? i cant go back either though. He will think that I… care for him. I wont. I wont go back. I can't show weakness. as father always says “your weakness feeds the devil”

I'm out of school now… what's gonna happen now?.

Chapter Text

Sals pov

Finally, home. Larry got worried and apparently he never left the school. He saw Travis running out of the school crying. God what I would do to see Travis cry. but… Why did he cry? he just fucking kicket me so hard my rips collapsed. ha! it wasn't that serious, I just have a huge blue mark on my stomach. AND GOD ITS SORE! It sounds like Travis didn't like doing what he did… I don't know. I mean Larry could have added some small lies here and there just to imagine what he really wanted. Or he could have been telling the truth. But no matter what. He runned before doing anything serious harm.
“aw” I feel a sharp pain on the skin on my stomach. I mean doing any serious serious harm!
I can't help but wonder why he did it. I mean it's Travis. But why did he run away then? This is so weird.

Do you need anything Sal?” Larry said very concerned.

“Larry for god sake. How many times do I have to tell you! IT'S NOT THAT BAD! but i could use a popsicle” I smile to larry.

“On my way master” Larry grapes a t-shirt on the floor and lays it gendtyly over his arm. places his other arm behind his back. now acting like a butler.

“oh so thats how we play now huh?” I say playful.
“Pull your pants down” I say just to see where the limit is. but if i know Larry he would definitely…
Yep there he goes. Larry pulls his pants down revealing a blue pair of underpants with small bunnies smoking weed with the text “Worlds best stoned brother” i got it for his last birthday.

“No way you actually wear those” I say dying of laughter.

"Of course I do. But can I take my pants up again, master? It's pretty cold in here”
I totally forgot we are down in larrys room and the radiator doesn't work so it's damn cold. Lisa is trying to fix it but she can't find the problem.
Travis pov

I'm laying in my room right now. On the floor. Sal hates me. He will always hate me. I will never get the chance to… FUCK. Not again. I don't wanna go to hell. I'm a good person. Sal is a faggot. He's gay. He's a bad person. I'm just trying to show him that…
But… is it even that bad to be attracted to boys… Girls are attracted to boys. why cant i be? Well I'm not a girl. And im not a faggot. I'm not a bad person. My eyes start to feel wet. NO DONT CRY! I wont cry. I wont cry. I wont cry. A tear runs from my eye into my ear because I lay on my back. I start crying. I want to stop but I can't. I cover my face in my hands.

I hear footsteps outside my door. It's definitely father. I can recognize those heavy steps he makes when he's mad. He opens the door a lot harder than normal.

“Travis. WHY did you get detention after school today?” his voice raises at the end words.

“I…I… beated up a stupid faggot” i try to hide that im crying. but my voice is shaking.

“Are you crying kid!?” He raises his voice even more. “LOOK AT ME WHEN I TALK TO YOU YOUNG BOY”

“I'm sorry father” I quickly dry my eyes. And hope that he leaves as fast as possible. But of course he doesn't.
He walks closer to me. I try to sit up but he kicks me in my stomach. He leans down and grabs me by my shirt. He holds me up and starts beating me with his free fist.
I try my hardest not to cry. but it hurts so bad. I burst out crying which just made him even more upset. He throws me down on the floor again.

“Get on your knees” I hesitate holding my hand up to my face as a sort of protection shield.
“I SAID GET ON YOUR KNEES” he yells so loud that my ears start hurting. I quickly get on my knees. Trying my hardest to stop crying. Actually I'm holding my breath.

“Now you pray until you stop crying. Say sorry to god for your behavior” I know he meant out loud. He always means out loud. so I can humiliate myself even more.

“Dear god. I'm sorry for my bad behavior. I promise I will never touch sal agai…" I didn't finish because Father interrupts me.

“NOT THAT IDIOT." he yells
"What?"... I…” I am so confused. Then what?

“ARG. you're crying like a queer!” He says, like I'm stupid.

“I… Okay” Im way too scared to argue. “Dear god, I'm sorry for my behavior. I will stop crying. and I know I need to hide my emotions. or else I'm feeding the devil…” I look up at my father. for some kind of approval. I have stopped crying. now i just need to see father nod…
He nods.

“Good my boy." Remember that all this is for your own sake!” He leaves the room quickly smacking the door. leaving me on my knees and starting to tear up again.
Fuck i hate my life. I hate everything. I hate this house. I hate being home.
home sucks. home sucks really bad.

Next day

Sals pov:

My nose is still sore from yesterday, but it's not that bad. My mask is just a bit uncomfortable. I wish i didnt have to wear it. why cant i just be normal…
I spot Travis at his locker. I wanna talk to him… but he properly wont talk to me. but well… I need to… Tell him about… uh… wait. Why am I trying to find a reason to speak with him? he's an asshole. I should avoid him. Well I actually thought a lot about it… about him. I don't think he's an actual asshole… I've noticed a lot of bruises over the past couple of years. Does he get beaten up at home? or is he just getting in fights with random people after school? well that's not my business…

Travis' head turns so his eyes stare right into mine. I quickly turn around and start walking away. Shit. I hope he didn't see that. I was totally staring. I look back and he is already gone… i stop walking. Where the hell did he go so quickly? I look around and see his shoe before the door closes to the boys bathroom. Do I follow him?

Chapter Text

Chapter three
Is that Travis?

Sal pov

This is so stupid. What am I doing? He's gonna get pissed.
but now that i think about it i actually have to go to the bathroom… i think. well he cant get mad if i needed to piss. Why do I kinda want to speak with him? I have nothing to say. well…

I begin to walk straight to the bathroom. ten steps back… five steps… my heart raises. Why do I feel so nervous… one step… I'm at the bathroom door. I place my hand flat on the cold surface of the door. about to open. I lean some of my weight onto my hand and…

something grapes my wrist. As a reflex from yesterday I pull it back quickly and turn it around with my hands in front of my mask.

“Woah dude! you alright?” Larry looks confused.

“oh shit. Hi Larry. yeah im alright just… reflexes” I give him a reassuring face. but… wait I have my mask on… i pull my thumb up instead. We usually use that as our reassuring cause Larry gets confused sometimes.

“You look tense” Larry giggled a bit. Oh no I know where this is going. A joke is on his mind.

“Was that spicy burrito too much for you?” yeah that was what i expected.

“yeah sure thing buddy. no i was just…” as im speaking the door hits me in the back. I get pushed a few steps forwards. but save it so i don't fall. I turn around to see Travis standing in the doorway holding the door open with both of his hands. He looks at me. He's all red around his eyes. Did he… cry? I swear he didn't look like that before. Or did he. I was far away… it really looks like he has cried.
Larry definitely also saw it cause he looked at me with a What did i say look. So it could actually be true. that he cried yesterday. Why is that even such a big deal to me?

Travis is just freezed. He doesn't move. He just looks at me. Why doesn't he harass me or something?

“sal?” Travis whispers.

“What?” I look at him. He seems so upset. What is wrong with him at the moment?
Suddenly his eyes widened. He looks at Larry then back at me. and before I can ask what's wrong he runs down the hallway and out of the main exit. And then he's out of the school.

“Whats his deal?” Larry gently punches my shoulder.

“I don't know… he seemed so confused?” I say still looking at the main exit.

“Well he properly just got a taste of his own medi…” I hear Larry fades out behind me.
I'm running.
running towards the exit.
running towards Travis.
He's not okay.

Travis pov

I'm in the bathroom. I dry my tears away. trying to get them to stop. Why do I feel this way? Why am I like this? I'm broken. I'm tinfoil that's crumbled together. even if you try to save me… ill always be… wrinkled. with failure and embarrassment. my father properly thinks im one big piece of crap…

Stop crying Travis. stop crying Travis. stop crying travis… breath in and out… in and out…

i cant stop fucking crying. I'm one big baby. Dad would punish me… and I deserve that… I need to get my punishment…

I need to get my… punishment. It's in my locker. I stopped crying. I know I'll get what I deserve so it relieves me a bit. I clear my face as much as possible. I look in the mirror… I'm not even surprised! I look shitty as always. I look embarrassing as always. i look fucking stupid…damn my father has a bad taste… what!? Why do I think that about my father? He is the church owner. He's way closer to Jesus than me… if he knew I thought bad things about him he would make me go to hell. It's me who has a bad taste, not him. this is the proper clothes!

I open the door out to the hallway. but something is pushing against it. I keep pushing until it eventually opens… is that… I look straight into Larry's eyes. Then sals eyes… the eyes I could look at for hours… He's so perfect. I really wanna see his real face… i could just go over there and take his mask off and kiss him… im sorry jesus but…is it that bad…

“Sal,” I whisper. I don't even know where it came from at first. but then i see sals expression in his eyes… I said it out loud… shit. shit. shit. Why did I even say that? what the hell. What's happening to me!?
“What?”
Why do I want him so bad? How can I want a boy? That's not a feeling a human man should feel. We were made to make kids… so why do i find him so… attractive. Do I even have real feelings for him or is he just hot because he looks like a girl… I really want the last one to be the truth… but i dont think it is…

I feel pressure behind my eyes. NO DO NOT CRY AGAIN!
Before I know it I'm out of the school. I have this weird feeling in my stomach. like guilt. but not quite… it's hard to set a label on what it is. I'm still running. I'm definitely not gonna run home. fathers gonna be so fucking upset. I don't know where I'm going. I'm running beside the road. There is a car parked half on the road half on the walking path. wait… what is that? I see something blue in the front window of the car. It's coming behind me. I look back to see… sal? What the hell is he doing? I need to hide somewhere shit!!! I look around and see a forest. I can lose him there!

I run into the forest and look back. I'm not long into the forest before sal stops. he holds his hand on his stomach. He properly has a bruise from yesturday… I feel so bad… i dont even feel bad for feeling bad. i look back at were im running again. im almost running right into a tree. but manage to run around it. then i run out of breath. i want to lay on the ground… relax. i didnt even realise that i was running out of breath. I look around to find a hiding spot. I see an end to the forest. Apparently this forest is not that big. I can't run anymore but I walk quickly to the light on the other side. I see a big tree in front of a building. When I get to the end, I discover that there's a ladder, made of multiple pieces of wood making handles, on the tree. its a fucking treehouse. fuck yeah! he won't find me up here.

I step on the first piece. I put pressure on it to see if it's stable. It is. Then I grab another piece with my left hand. I started climbing. making sure that every piece of wood is stable. I'm up. I can relax. I didn't even see my surroundings. I just dump down on the floor and I feel a sudden relief of the pressure on my shoulders.
i close my eyes… and… fall…asleep..zzzzz

Sals pov

I… cant… run… any…more… I stopped running. slowing down in walk then stops completely. The bruise is getting sore again. I bend down grabbing my knees with my palms. resting there. its so hot with this fucking mask. I can't breathe. I need to take it off. or else I think I'm gonna faint. I look around to see if there's anyone near me. I can't see anyone… so I grab the lower straps and open them. I push my mask a bit out of my face and breathe in the fresh air. My lungs get filled with the cold clean air and it feels so good. I look up to see if I can spot Travis. but as I expected he's out of sight. I click my straps back together.
Why did he run… again? He seemed so… sad. so hurt.
I want to find him… but he clearly has the ability to run from me. I'll just go back to the school before I get in more trouble.

After school

I wonder where Travis is. Maybe he went home.

“What are u daydreaming about little dude?” I shift back to reality. me and larry are walking home to the addison apartments. I hate when Larry calls me little dude. and he knows.

“Fuck u Lar-bear!” I look at Larry with my eyes squinted together.

“Well fuck u Shorty!” Larry thinks about what he says. He clearly regrets it.
“arg. why cant i find any good, bad names?!!!” Larry says frustrated. I laugh.

“yeah you've become a bit rusty at that” we both laugh. But I begin thinking about what he asked me… what was I daydreaming about… why are travis always in my brain? and why do I kinda… think he's… pretty? not in a crushy way just uh… normal pretty. like i think that ashley is pretty… or no, thats a different pretty, shes a pretty girl, but not as travis is... like not in a weird way. just pretty. like i think larry is… wait no hes just a bad ass. but like Todd… wait no still not the same. i… like uh… travis is pretty… in a normal way… im not. I do not… Why do I think he's really pretty? like super pretty. his golden hair shining in the sun. his pretty face with all those scratches and marks from fights. his eyes that looks like an artpiece. His nose perfectly shaped. His lips looking so sweet and soft. His brownish hands, holding his cross necklace every time he gets nervous… wait… did he hold his necklace when he came out of the bathroom? no… he didnt… or did he? I feel like I always see him holding his necklace… like he gets nervous around me…?
OH MY GOD. what am I thinking about its travis phelps we are talking about.

“EARTH TO SAL FISHER!!” Larry waves his hand in front of my face. I look up. oh shit i didnt even realise we were already home.

“Sal are u alright? You seem a little off?” Larry stops at the front door of the apartments. He places a hand on my shoulder.

“What me? yeah yeah. I'm just confused about the whole… Travis thing" I can see that Larry gets a bit mad. I don't know why. or actually i know why. he hates travis like the fucking devil. kinda ironic actually. Travis is like the most kristian person I know. well besides his dad.

“dont use your energy on thinking about a shitty person!” Larry moves his hand from my shoulder and opens the door. I understand why Larry hates him so much but… why dont i hate him myself?

We both walk inside and take the elevator down to Larry's apartment. Even though our parents are married we still have the two apartments. me and larry usually stay down in the basement while dad and Lisa live more up in my old apartment. Larry loves that cause then he can smoke all the pot he wants without Lisa complaining.

We are in larrys room now. im relaxing in the bean bag, while larry is playing mario cart on his console.

“dont u wanna join little dude?” Larry says with a playful smirk on his face.

"Fine! if you stop calling me that…” I struggle a bit to come out of the bean bag, but eventually I stand up. “Im not even that short” I whisper for myself. even tho i know that im shorter than most of my age.

As I sit down on the floor next to Larry he hands me a controller. I examen it. Then I see the little bite mark from gizmo on the right side.

“Urg why do i always have to play with the bad one! it drifts so weird!” I push Larry a bit.

“Ur youngest” Larry laughs then offers me his controller. i dont want it now. if i take it now, I would look weak.

“Keep it yourself! You need it more than i do" I know that's a lie and Larry knows that too. He's totally gonna mention it when he wins big time over me. Larry presses Start. And know we get to choose our characters. I always go with Luigi, while Larry always chooses Princess Peach. I make fun of him because I feel like he has a BIG crush on her.

“u know larry, u should really ask her out” i look at larry. he looks back at me with confusion.

“Who are we talking abo…” I can see on Larry's face that he gets the hint. He smiles at me.

“Yeah ive thought about that…” he scratches his beard in a cartoony way. He's very proud of his beard. like bro doesnt even have a beard he has a baby beard!!! I giggle.

We have played for like an hour now. I'm really hungry. I haven't eaten much today because of the whole Travis thing. im about to say it to larry but he starts talking before me.

“Sal, are you hungry? I could really use some pizza right now” Larry lays his controller away from him and lets himself fall backwards so he lays on his back.

“Yeah me too. pizza sounds luxurious right now”
“If u go up in the tree house and look for my weed, ill go grab some pizza from monalisa!” I LOVE monalisas pizza. and it's like 3 minutes if you walk. Though it will take 20 min to get the pizzas done. ill properly be dead at that time. wait did he say he wanna smoke? NOW.

“OMG Larry. not now” I slap him on his thigh. He sits up pressing his hand against the spot I just slapped.

“AWW. UR HURTING ME SAL” He looks at me with very bad puppy eyes.
“Soooooo… u dont want pizza?” he points at me.

"Oh god, FINE LARRY!” i stand up. Larry follows me up. I turn my back at his and start walking towards the door out to the treehouse.

“Okay ill get you a pizza as well then” Larry says behind me.

I open the door and walk outside. It's warmer outside than inside. I start walking towards the treehouse. There's no wind so it's super quiet. well besides Roberts extremely loud heavy metal. I like it though. It's my kind of music.

I grab the piece of wood in my height and step on the first piece. I start climbing up. and there u go. I'm up on our tree… WHAT THE HELL! My heart stops beating for a sec. Who is… Is that Travis…? Well I know it is… but it can't be him. Why would he be up here? He is just below snoring… but he's definitely sleeping like a stone. Climbing up here isn't the quietest thing in the world…

I stare at him for a moment. looking at his chest rise as he breathes in the air. Is this creepy? well he wont find out… this is wild… Travis Phelps with no power. I kinda find it… attractive… NO! What am I thinking!!! It's just that I can finally appreciate his beauty… Oh god, who am I trying to fool. He's super pretty… and kinda hot. i have the biggest fucking crush on him…

I've just sat here the past 20 minuets… i don't want to wake him up. Is this where he went after running inside the forest. Well that makes sense because the forest leads to the apartments. But didn't he know that it was here where we lived? he properly didn't but it's filled with pictures of Larry and I. Why would he stay here? Did he look at our stuff?
I look around, but nothing seems out of place… weird.
I can hear someone climbing up below me. Larry peeks his head up.

“Pizza delivery…” Larry stands up. He looks at me then he spots the sleeping boy with the golden hair.
“IS THAT FUCKING TRAVIS?” Larry is almost about to fall down the ladder.

“Shh Larry. dont wake him up” I say but i can see that Larry's eyes are raging with anger.

“Larry…” He drops the pizza boxes and walks over to Travis. What is he doing? He grabs Travis' shirt with one hand and then… out of nowhere. with his free hand he starts beating travis.

“LARRY WHAT THE HELL!” I stand up. Travis is wide awake now. but he clearly doesn't understand the fact that Larry is standing on top of him and beats the shit out of him.

“LARRY STOP!" STOP! STOP! "STOP!" I grab Larry's shoulder but he is a lot stronger than me, so I can't move him away. I look at travis. he doesnt fight back… he's tired… out of energy. What is wrong with him at the moment!? His whole face bleeds. for every punch he takes his voice gets louder and louder.

“l…lar…larry…LARRY! Larry st…STOP!” Travis starts yelling. He's in so much pain.

“LARRY FUCK OFF” I yell trying to make him stop!

“DUDE YOUR FUCKING KILLING HIM!!” I YELL LOUDER. It works. Larry stops. drops Travis down on the woodfloor which Travis bloody, face is dripping down on.

He looks at me… I get scared of him to be honest. ive never ever seen him like that…

“What is wrong with you dude!?” I run over to Travis. He has fainted.
SHIT SHIT SHIT!

I dont know if im overreacting but i gotta make sure… I pressed my ear down to Travis' chest. I listen after a heartbeat.

FUCK! No, no, no, no.

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