Work Text:
I was laying in bed wrapped up in Jason's blanket and Nico's sweatshirt. How I got them we don't talk about it.
they don't love you, how could they. You're useless and have no purpose in life. You're horrible to be around. You should kill yourself already.
No no no no no shut up that's not true it can't be. I won't accept it.
But it is u know it too.
I can't breathe. And that's probably for the better because everyone would appreciate it if I just stopped breathing.
My chest hurts. I try to breathe but every breath is a failure. My body is failing me, I'm dying. I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die. I'm scared I want Nico, I want Jason.
I look around and try to find something, anything, that will help me. A glint in the corner of my eye.
Grab it u know u want it. The razor is our friend.
No, I can't promise Ruby that I'd stop.
Ruby is dead. You killed her, remember.
No stop! I didn't. I wouldn't. I never have. She said I didn't, she said…
You're silent because you know she never actually said it, it was just in your head.
With my last bit of consciousness I reached for my razor. 1 The pain is grounding, needed. 2 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19.
Gasp.
Just like that I return to the living world. I'm tired, exhausted. I just wanna die. I don't even know why I'm here.
"Stop!!!!" I scream I gotta stop spiraling. I'm getting dizzy, why am I getting dizzy. I look down.
Oh.
There's a puddle of blood beneath me. Dammit I did it again. I listened to it again.
I tried to stand up but my knees buckled under me. I need water. I tried to get up again. It was wobbly but I could stand.
I used the counter top to wobble my way to the fridge. I think I had a bucket of salt water in there.
I opened the door. Aha, there it is. I grabbed it as best as I could but I dropped it. Dammit, I'm out of water. Note to self, stop cutting.
You know you'll never stop. You need it.
Dammit Percy, stop with the adhd and get to the task at hand. I need ummm…. What did I need again?
Oh that's right, salt water.
What to do, what to do. I guess I could go to the lake but that would require me to go outside in this condition.
You should just bleed out here.
No never. I can't, I won't.
If you go out you'll be seen. They'll all know. Everyone will know that you are crazy and inferior.
I need to go. I… ugh I guess u can put on my black long-sleeve.