Chapter Text
The sky was heavy gray, dark clouds hung over they city, like the new something was different, that something was ending… or beginning.
Gunil closed the trunk with a heavy knock, his fingers still trembling because of the effort, or maybe the emotional exhaustion accumulated by the months. Inside the car, Hyeongjun played with the straps of his backpack, his black hair hiding away his face, but not enough to cover the tears tracing down his cheeks.
“I don’t understand how you chose the monster of a daughter you have now over years of marriage, Gunil. Can’t you see it doesn’t make sense?”
“Stop, Kyungri, we don’t have a daughter anymore, I have a son, and if your not going to help, theres no better option than this”
“And you think this is better help? to support her delusions? Be serious, she’s only going through a phase, she’s sick!”
“Shut up! Please, you don’t get it, being away from you is the best solution I can give him, so you don’t have to worry about having an ill daughter. Take care Kyungri.”
The sound of the closing door was sharp, it was the last echo from the life that wasn't coming back. Gunil stayed beside the entrance of their new apartment, watching precariously the naked walls that surrounded them, the fresh paint smell, the weird sensation of starting all over again when he wasn't sure of how. Next to him, his son, accommodated the backpack he was carrying with a mix of tiredness and nerves. He had his eyes bloodshot red from crying in silence during last week, even when he tried to hide it with half a smile.
“What do you think kiddo?” Gunil asked, trying to sound animated. Junhan shrugged.
“It's… different. But I think I like it better than the old house.”
Gunil smiled, but deep down he felt a stab. The “old house” was a stage of many discussions and fights, of words that kept repeating in his mind. Words that hurt his son more than it hurt him.
Divorce was the only exit. When his wife started shooting cruel remarks, to deny his own son's identity, Gunil understood he couldn't keep going. He wasn't going to allow his son to grow surrounded by disdain.
Still, he knew the damage was done. Junhan started to retract, to have nightmares every night, to self doubt. This new school represented a new chance, but Gunil feared the ghosts of the past followed them even there.
“Are you sure I can sing in with my new name?” Hyeongjun asked suddenly.
“You want them to call you by the old one?” Gunil answered, starting the car.
The day was warmer than yesterday, the ride to the new school was weird, the radio stations were off, like no one in this new city had a decent music taste to enjoy in the morning. Every now and then one of them would point something through the window. a store, a bad written sign. Simple things. Things that would make the air inside less tense.
“Not really” Hyeongjun sighed, a small smile curving his lips.
“You have to start somewhere”
Once in the new school, no one really looked at him, or at least not how he expected.
When Hyeongjun came out as trans in his old school, with his old friends, all of them with no exception, started treating him differently. They started hanging out without him, leaving school earlier, to ignore his message. Until one day he heard his mother speaking on the phone with one of his friend’s mothers.
“We’re sorry Kyun, but he cannot allow our kids to hang around her, she’s got these ideas and… you know how it is, I don’t want my children to turn out the same.”
“I know, I’m so sorry” Hyeongjun didn’t understand why she was sorry. “I know is just a phase, be patient, maybe one of your boys can talk her out of this paraphernalia”
The line went silent for a few seconds, and a sigh was heard from the speaker.
“I don’t know Kyun, what if she talks them into it? I cannot risk it, the other mothers started talking too, you need to find a solution fast”
A solution.
His own mother was looking for a way to “convert her back”, to talk him out of his illness, because there was no other way to explain what was going on, he was ill, and they needed to find a cure before the idea consumed all of her.
A presence brought Hyeongjun out of his memories, a blonde head with sharp nose and thin lips was there sitting beside him. A boy with a mole near his eye (just like Hyeongjun’s) and a fox-like-gaze was giving him a smile. And Hyeongjun didn’t hear anything he said.
“What?”
“That i didn’t get anything miss Jeon said either, so if we pretend together maybe she wont ask us anything”
Hyeongjun laughed audibly, surprised by the closeness this stranger was giving him without knowing him at all. And maybe a little spark of hope lit after that class.
“So… you’re the new one, I’m Seungmin by the way, i sit besides you”
“Oh, sorry, when I entered no one was sitting here, so I took the place” Hyeongjun wasn’t a religious person but he prayed his voice didn’t come out too girly, it wouldn’t fit with the appearance he was trying to give.
Him and Gunil went shopping the day they arrived, they went out to buy his uniform, and some more fitting clothing for the new boy that Gunil was raising.
So now his uniform consisted of an oversize button up, not tugged into his pants that were also a little too big on him, and sitting a little too low on his hips to hide away the waist his body carried. The button up also had the mission of hiding his chest and the bump the binder couldn't fully flatten. So yeah, if his voice fails to keep the appearance, Hyeongjun is capable of killing himself right then and there.
“Yeah I’m always running late, but I still don’t know your name” Seungmin, now, insisted. And he didn’t seem to notice the lack of Adam's apple, or facial hair, or the overall lack of masculinity. And if he did, he didn’t care.
“I’m Hyeongjun”
“Okay Jun, we can eat together later”