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His eyes glazed over every time he looked over you, as if he was trying not to perceive you. You would ask for the pepper, and he would just keep picking at his plate waiting for someone else to do it despite the pepper being right next to his plate.
Your eyes catch his for the first time the entire night, and your heartbeat slows. His eyes rip away from yours and he sits still, fork in hand and knife in the other. You don’t know how he can look at you like a stranger. His strange and nervous demeanor doesn’t go back to semi-normal until the woman sitting next to him speaks. His clenching hands visibly relax, even if just a little. The look he gives her is sweet and caring, listening and taking in her every word like it’s holy. Maybe it is.
As you move around the food on your plate, not bothering to take a bite you know will only come back up, you wonder how it had come to this. Leon was your long-time crush or more like an unrequited love. You loved every little aspect of him, and every conversation over the many years you’ve known him have only made the feeling stronger. You thought last night had changed things, for the better. That everything you had wanted was coming to fruition, and you had went to bed so happy. You even woke up early, dressed your best and looked your best.
All that effort, only for him to act like it never happened. To ignore your very existence for the almost three hours that this get-together has taken place.
Just last night, Leon called you over for a drink at his place. He had recently come back from a mission, and while celebrating isn't exactly what you’d call this alcoholic reprieve, you weren’t sure what else to. It was an innocent enough invitation, you were the only one free on a Sunday night to drink to a stupor and so you did. You sat down on that small sofa in his living room, glasses in one hand and a bottle in the other.
He smiles softly at you but the lines in his forehead made even a simple expression still look slightly haunted. Laughing as you pour a generous amount into his cup, he relaxes for the first time you saw that week. Leon looks over to you, sipping his wine as he watches you pour your own glass.
“Now don’t make me look like an alcoholic here with that small amount,” pointing at yours and then his own “Be fair here.”
Conversation flowed as easily as the wine did into your mouth. Slowing inhibitions and spreading such a warm feeling in your core (or was that Leon that caused it?). The night passed and you grew closer, knees and shoulders bumping, soft touches and lingering looks. You never imagined you would spend a night with Leon, especially because of his obvious feelings towards a certain lady. But as he held your hand and touched your body, cradling your face so gently before guiding you to a room you'd only seen the door to, there was no way you were going to say no.
The next morning, you left early to get ready for a late shift. Thinking everything was fine, you wrote a sweet note, taking the time to make it look nice and left it on his dresser, sparing a look at him lying on the bed.
Now, looking at him today you realize that obviously everything wasn’t fine. As much as you try to think, think about what went wrong, how you can fix this, you just can't.
The party was over, and everyone slowly left the house. Leon’s house. You gather your belongings and Tupperware, heading for the door and passing by that room you spent the night at just about twelve hours ago. He catches you just before you leave, leaning on the door frame and looking at you, really looking for the first time. His gaze is sweet, almost caring, and you feel a sense of Deja vu, only last time it wasn't directed to you.
His hand hooks loosely onto your sleeve, and he smiles slightly.
“I’ll swing by later if that's fine with you?” He pauses waiting for your response, but before you can say anything (and although you’d like to pretend you would reject him, deep down you're sure you would have said yes), Ada walks past you two and Leon is immediately pulled away. He pats your shoulder, and mumbles something about taking that as a yes before he leaves to give Ada a drive home.
You watch as he leaves, memories of last night playing as blurred pictures in your vision. You walk down the front steps to your friend’s car, getting in the passenger seat. Through the side mirror, you watch as Leon opens his car door to her.