Work Text:
19.53, Nick ❤️🐶🖕🏼
Char
I need you to settle an argument for me
At the pub earlier Callum said the word woodlouse
And I was like wtf is a woodlouse
And he said the little bugs that crawl around in the ground and stuff
And then Little Calum said “you mean a slater”
And Luis said “no that’s a pill bug”
And I’m like
WHAT ARE THESE WORDS
Char
They were talking about cheesy bugs
19.57, Charlie ❤️🐱🖕🏼
wow
that was a journey
I KNOW
I’m seriously distressed
Oh and I made the train btw, told you I wouldn’t miss it xoxo
But CHEESY BUGS
i’m happy you’re on the train. looking forward to picking you up vaguely hungover in a couple of hours x
and just checking
what in the ever living fuck is a cheesy bug
….
Char
Charlie
Charles Francis Spring
My future husband
The love of my life
Father of my yet to be born puppy babies
What do you MEAN what is a cheesy bug?????????????????????????????????
i MEAN
cheesy bug is the stupidest thing i’ve ever heard in my life
do you mean a potato bug
A FUCKING WHAT
nick
that is what they’re called
Where are you even from
KENT, CHARLES
ah yes, because google has never been wrong about anything x
don’t get me started on fucking ai
rip to our intelligence and creativity xox
Now is not the time for your ai rant
No matter how factually correct it is
I’ve just discovered that my boyfriend thinks cheesy bugs are called POTATOES
potato bugs x
is this going to go on for long? because it turns out i’ve kind of missed you and i don’t want to spend our very short 48 hours together arguing about creepy little insects
They’re isopods, actually xox
i could not care less
get all your googling out of your system before you get here
and then when you get here, get naked
okay????
okay.
Jflkffjh
Well
Okay then
I’ll see you very soon xxxxxxxxxxx
Charlie shakes his head and puts his phone away. He knew it was a bad idea for Nick to book a train right after post-match drinks, but Nick had insisted he wanted to be in London by tonight so that they’d have at least one full day together. Gay. Charlie is just amazed he’d actually remembered to leave the pub and get on the train. Small miracles and all that.
He potters around, killing time until he can reasonably leave to meet Nick at the station without being an hour early. So he’s missed him. Big deal. Whatever. He’s only 25 minutes early when he does get there so it isn’t that big a deal. Shut up.
He waits in their usual spot, texting Nick on and off while he does. Charlie wonders sometimes if he’ll ever get bored of talking to Nick all day. At this point, so many years into their relationship, he really fucking doubts it.
Now’s not the time for mushy thoughts, though, because Charlie has just spotted Nick’s large, lumbering frame making a beeline for him through the crowd. He crashes into Charlie heavily, only just keeping them both upright, and lifting Charlie off his feet as usual. Charlie squeaks. He doesn’t know why it still surprises him every time. Nick is nothing if not consistent with his hugs.
“Hey,” Nick breathes against his cheek. He smells like cheap beer and Doritos. Delightful.
Eh, fuck it, Charlie thinks, and kisses him soundly anyway.
“I’m fucking starving,” Nick grumbles as they settle on the tube. He has his head resting on Charlie’s shoulder and both arms wrapped around one of Charlie’s, clinging like the koala that he is. Charlie can’t even be bothered to pretend he minds.
“Even after inhaling two share bags of Doritos on the train?”
“Char, I played a rugby match today. I am an athlete. I need to be fed.”
Charlie snorts, patting Nick’s hand sarcastically. “Fine. Sausage and chips?”
“God, yes. A chippie will literally save my life right now.”
“Alright, drama queen.”
Nick turns his head and bites Charlie’s shoulder gently through his hoodie in retaliation.
“Nick. We are in public.”
He rests his chin on Charlie’s arm and grins up at him wickedly. “Only for four stops.”
“Three,” Charlie corrects him. “So not much longer to keep it in your pants.”
Nick hums, turning his head so he can see the line map above the door of their carriage. He’s quiet for a moment and then says, “Four.”
Charlie checks it too, just in case, and counts the stops. It’s definitely three more. “Nick. There are three stops. I think I know where I live, babe.”
With a dramatic groan, Nick hauls himself upright and squints at the map again. Charlie has been telling him for ages that he needs to get his eyes tested but now is not the time to reopen that argument.
“Nah, look. We’re the fourth stop.”
Charlie blinks. “Well, yes. We get off at the fourth station. So there are three stops before that.”
“Um,” Nick turns to stare at him like he’s grown an extra head. “You just said it, we’re the fourth station. The fourth stop.”
“No, no, no. Nicholas. You don’t call your station a stop. Only the ones before it, where you stop.”
“Charlie. You also stop at your stop.”
Oh god. Oh no. Not again.
“Nick. Obviously, you stop at your stop, because you need to get off. But when we’re talking stops, we’re talking stops between where you are now and your destination. There are three stops before our destination.”
“And then a fourth, which is ours.”
“No!” Charlie squeaks, so loudly that almost everyone in their carriage turns to give them weird looks. Which is really saying something, because people in London usually make a point of not acknowledging others. He clears his throat and tries to lower his pitch. “No, Nick. There are three stops, just leave it at that, alright?”
Nick sighs heavily, feigning a look of pure innocence. “Okay, Charlie. Whatever you say, Charlie.”
Charlie bristles. Fucking hell, he hates this so much. Why does he even care?! “Don’t pacify me, Nicholas. I am correct.”
“Okay, Char.”
“No! Not Okay Char!”
“Whatever you think, darling.”
“Oh my fucking God, I will kill you.”
Well, Charlie supposes, at least they won’t be spending their very short 48 hours together arguing about creepy little insects. They’ll be arguing about tube stops instead.
They somehow make it through the visit without murdering each other. Or, Charlie supposes, he somehow makes it through without murdering Nick, who couldn’t care less about potato bugs or how many stops they have left on the tube. Charlie twitches every time he thinks about it. He’s right. He is correct. No matter how many times Nick pats his head and smiles happily at him, Charlie will get him to admit that he is right. He has to. For his own sanity.
It'll have to wait until the next visit, though, because before he knows it, Nick is back on the train Northbound. It continues to be the worst feeling ever, waving as Nick disappears through the turnstiles and into the crowd.
Charlie pouts the whole tube journey home, until he gets back above ground to a barrage of texts from the delightful love of his life.
18.32, Nick ❤️🐶🖕🏼
😞😞😞😞😞😞😞
Pls know that I have been in a huff for the entire journey so far
I hope you’re getting back safely
At least it’s only four stops xoxoxoxoxoxox
Have I ever told you how cute you are when you care about things that don’t matter?
Fucking adorable
I’d argue with you non-stop just to see you get redder and redder and poutier and poutier
I don’t even care either way
Though I do think I’m correct about the number of stops, soz xxx
18.49, Charlie ❤️🐱🖕🏼
you’re a bumhead
Lmaoooo
Harsh, Char
why do you hate me
I think I made it quite clear above that I do, in fact, not hate you
then why are you making it your life’s mission to make my head explode
if you loved my face so much, you’d want it in one piece
Where’s the fun in that??
Besides, I’ll always let you win in the end x
THAT’S WORSE
I WANT TO WIN BECAUSE I’M RIGHT
NOT BECAUSE YOU’RE A SIMP
Oh my god
and i AM right
i KNOW i am
Okay, Char xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
i hate you
Okay, Char xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
go away
Okay, Char xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
….
nick???
nick come back
NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICKKKKKKKK
Okay, Char xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx