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Pasta & Cockroaches: Blattaria Nightmare

Summary:

Lena finds herself in a nightmare situation. Can she finally overcome one of her greatest fears?

Notes:

If you made it this far, congratulations, nothing I've written here was planned from the starr. you will (or already) see me as somewhat insane for coming up such a concept. But nevertheless, enjoy the finale of this crack fic trilogy.

Warning: V5 spoilers with LNs characters

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

[OBJECTIVE: ■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■]

[Time remaining: 10:00]

[09:59]

[09:58]


BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Her silver eyeslashes fluttered upon waking up, the iridescent gloss of her hair shined brightly under the moonlight. 

Lena found herself wide awake in her private quarters at the Rüstkammer base, her beauty sleep interrupted by the high pitched sound of her alarm. 

Pressing the tiny button on her alarm clock, she stopped the beeping sound and stood up from her bed. She threw her cream fluffy robe over her pure white cotton pyjamas. 

Leaving her quarters, she quietly walked down the corridor. Her off-white crocs (something she personally bought in the federacy) pressed silently on the carpet patterned with white flowers over a blue background. Despite the moon being brighter than usual, she still carried her pocket flashlight in hand. 

It was 1am in the morning. A special occasion for Lena. A ritual she has started when she arrived at the base housing the 86th stike package. 

A ritual of happiness and joy.

Something she looked forward to at the end of each day she stayed at the base. However, she didn't need to the ritual this time around.

I did accepted to do this without any explaination and I was curious about whether "that" was still there...but this is already a bit eerie...how has he done it? 


[Time remaining: 01:30]

[01:29]

[01:28]

She arrived at the dining hall, filled with empty tables and silence. The same moonlight shone brightly, illuminating everything in sight. Lena brisked up her pace to the kicthen at the back of the dining hall. She opened the swinging door to find nothing but darkness as there was no windows inside. 

Lena tiled the flashlight upwards. The sliver metal ducts and vents reflected the light back brightly, almost blinding her. Pointing the torch on the floor she walked over to the fridge, her eyes still stinging from the reflected light. 

Alright...let's see if it's still there...

Lena crouched down and opened the fridge. The slight chill air breezed over her face as she peeked into the top fridge. 

And there it was. A small cake box with a fancy emblem. 

Ever since Lena visited a cake shop in the federacy capital, she had fell in love with the shop's infmous chocolate fudge cake with a side of vanilla gelato. Even without looking, she can imagine it clearly. 

The moist chocolate sponge along with the velvet smooth dark chocolate fudge frosting. The sweet vanilla flavour packed in the cold gelato tied everything together. And better yet, the cake and gelato was all natural. 

I cant believe it's here! It's rather daunted of how he had made this whole base in such accuracy...hm? 

As Lena took out the box from the fridge's shelf, it felt heavier than she had anticipated.

No...

She immediately opened the lid and peered inside, holding the pocket flashlight in her mouth. It wasn't cake in the box but a plate filled with cold pasta.

NO! Not again???

Lena despaired. 

For the past few weeks, Lena's late night cake ritual would be ruined at times when she finds out that someone in the base had been eating them and replacing it with pasta from the sunday's dinner menu. And it would seem that this case was no exception. Then it dawned on her.

Wait...the only people that knows about this issue is me, Annette and the culprit. And if this crime exists here then that means...it's him! Of course! No wonder why he picked this specific time to do this. He was the one who's been eating my cake! 

The instant that Lena had made that realisation, time was up.

[Time remaining: 00:00]

[WARNING CODE BLACK]

[WARNING CODE BLACK]

Alarm sounds blasted through the base. Vivid red light lit up the kitchen, dying Lena's silver hair in crimson blood. 

"HMMM!??! Wha-!?" Lena's confused words came out muffled while still holding the pocket flashlight in her mouth, 

Code black???! A legion attack? WHAT??

Then, a digital pop-up screen appeared in front of her. 

[OBJECTIVE: HEAD TO THE HANGAR TO SURVIVE THE ATTACKING LEGION]

Finally realising what sort of experiment she was placed in, Lena ran out the kitchen in her robe and pyjamas. 


 

They were looking at one of many screen infront of them, following Lena as she run across the base. Their eyes looking at one screen to another. Breaking the silence, the serpent prince made his first comment. 

"Well, It would seem that it had finally started. Didn't expect pur tactical commander to expose her late night ritual for all to see." Said Vika as he took a sip of his last earl grey tea. He extended his arm out for Lerche to pour him another cup. 

He stared at Lena running in her pyjamas, holding on to the cake box with the pasta inside and still holding on to the flashlight in her mouth.

"Still, I find it quite amusing seeing our colonel running in such a state like this. It was worth changing the inital configuration of this simulation." Vika smirked, taking a sip of his warm tea. 

"So that explains the cake orders she had made over on the phone but no cake was ever around," Annette commented next. "Also, it would seem that you have been the one eating her cakes in the kitchen."

"I often go to there myself to grab a midnight snack or two. Seeing such a cake with no one around to eat is too sad to look at. I have no regrets."

"Next time, save me a slice." Annette smirked as she whispered. 

"What shameful behaviour that's unfitting to your status, your highness." Lerche bluntly spoken. 

"Oh shut it you seven-year old! Oh how scandalous that a man was tempted to eat a cake or two that was not his. How dare you call me out when you were the one who brought them over to me at times!" 

"M-my shame knows no bounds..."

 

Anju, Kurena and Theo sat behind watching the whole simulation happening in front of them. They were all curious to see how well Lena would do in a simulated legion attack. 

"Those three seem to be having fun." Said Anju, feeling slightly uneased watching Lena running. 

"It's not everyday you see someone as proper as Lena running around like this so i can relate. And i find the whole cake ritual a bit amusing too." said Kurena, letting out a slight smirk.

"Ah, she almost tripped." Theo blurted who was engrossed watching the simulation. 

 

Besides them, Raiden and Shin both sat in silent. 

"So shin, Hlhow well you think Lena will do?" Raiden asked.

"Hm. Considering she survived the large scale offensive, i doubt she'll fail" Shin answered. He slightly smiled as he continued watching Lena making her way to the hanger.

"Shin's right Prince Vika. I can't really say that this simulation isn't much of a challenge for me, Lena or the Eighty-Six. After all, we all had experienced fighting legion up close on varying degrees." Annette explained. 

"Oh, I'm aware of that, Miss Penrose. This simulation is more aimed towards training new soldiers. It was pretty dull seeing everyone else here fly through the simulations with such ease. it's rather unpleasant," 

Vika's mouth curled into a smile. A smile devoid of emotion. 

"Which is why i took the opportunity to change certain parameters this time around."

Shin couldn't help but glare upon hearing Vika's comment.

What did he do this time?


 

Lena had made it to the main building of the base. According to the popup screen that remained at the top middle of her line of sight, she’s halfway to the hanger. 

I'm actually feeling kinda tired. How did Vika managed to include the feeling of physical stamina as well as the others sense so well? It's almost uncanny.

While the simulation challenge (made by Vika) was brought upon on unexpectedly, she felt confident that she would pass with flying colours. But in the back of her mind...

Vika will pay for eating my cake! Prince or not, I'll scold him with the authority I was given as Colonel! 

With a cake box filled with pasta inside and a flashlight in her mouth, Lena continued to run under the moonlit sky in her pyjamas and crocs. 

It wasn't long until a dark figure far down the corridor enters Lena's line of sight. Another popup screen appeared. 

[WARNING: LEGION - AMEISE AHEAD]

Tsk.

Lena squinted her eyes. The Ameise in question was too dark to see. It strangely doesn't have the legion's reflective metallic coating which should been more apparent under the moonlight. 

The Ameise, in question, was getting closer. 

It only took a brief moment until Lena had a clear view. 

 

"W-WHA-!?"

Her jaws dropped instantly, letting the flashlight fall to the ground. 

What Lena was looking at was something that instilled pure fear in her body depsite being in a simulation. It was something beyond comprehension.

What stood infront of her was detected as an Ameise yet it didn't looked like an Ameise. 

It had a large head with a flattened and broad body, red-brown in colour. It's six thin legs began moving at a high pace, towards her. 

 

"WHAT IN SAINT MAGNOLIA IS THIS?!?

 

Without a doubt, it was a cockroach. 

An Ameise-sized cockroach was making its way towards Lena.

 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGRHHHH!"


 

Back at the room showing the simulation, everyone was almost speechless as they stared at the incomprehensible image on a single screen.

"Oh my goodness" [Anju]

"No way..." [Theo]

"Ewww what the..." [Kurena]

"Oh damn..." [Raiden]

"VIKA THIS IS CRAZY. I LOVE IT" Annette shouted excitingly. 

Shin stood immediately from his seat upon seeing the Ameise sized cockroach on screen.

"Vika, You didn't..."

Vika turned around, showing the same cold emotionless smile. His tall figure backlit by the many screens behind. Shin slowly walked towards the front of the room as Vika continued.

"Like I said, took the opportunity to change certain parameters this time around. I was told that Lena had quite a phobia of cockroaches so i changed the texture skin on the Legion models to the apperance of cockroaches." 

Shin stood infront of Vika. His crimson red eyes glowed from the screen's light. Vika's violet eyes reflects the reaper's angered expression. 

"Tis a harmless prank Reaper. Lena isn't one to believe a mere cockroach would be a size of an Ameise" Vika said, unfazed by Shin's approach. 

"Vika you don't understand what you have done. You have underestimated Lena's...fear of cockroaches..."

Vika tilted his head in slight confusion. 

"What do you mean by underestimate?"

 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

 

The shriek blasted from the speakers were so loud, it almost broke them. The group all covered their ears immediately. Lerche stood still, unfazed by the loudness. 

 

[WARNING: SIMULATION FAILING]

Vika turned to the screen, watching all the screen being filled with the warning. 

"The simulation is...failing? I beg your finest pardon?"


 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

Lena ran as if her life depended on it. Never in her life she found herself so scared, so shocked, that she would have nothing else in her mind but to run.

Run to the hanger. 

That single thought repeated over and over again as she dashed across the simulated federacy base, still holding the cake box filled with pasta in her hands. 

The Ameise sized cockroaches (still Ameise) continued their pursuit of the poor tactical commander.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

Lena screamed. No other words could express her pure fear instilled in her fake body. Her scream was so loud, the surroundings started to glitch like television static. 

[WARNING: SIMULATION FAILING]

Lena didn't notice the warning. Lena didn't notice anything else but what's in front of her. 

She memorised the quickest path to the hanger and all what's left is to get there by all means necessary. 

Her off-white crocs covered with sweat from her feet. Her voice continued to scream under the moonlit sky like a lone wolf. Her cream robe swaying like wings, reflecting the moonlight as she dashed down the corridors. 

[WARNING: SIMULATION FAILING]

The simulation started to crumble, leaving parts of the surroundings blank in a strange static noise like appearance. 

Lena was almost at the hanger. All what's left is to cross the empty outside space. As she left the building, she saw the worst thing imaginable. 

A crowd of Ameise sized cockroaches blocking her only way to the hanger. 

 

Lena stopped. 

Lena stopped screaming. 

Lena...was surrounded. 

 

Lena's silver eyes stared at the hanger in the far back beyond the cockroaches. Her breathing heavy from the running. She looked down at the opened cake box. 

 

Pasta. 

 

All she sees is pasta. 

Pasta. Pasta. Pasta. 

Then it dawned to her. 

 

Pasta. Every time there's pasta, cockroaches are there. Every. Single. Time. They were there....

The Ameise-sized cockroaches crawled slowly towards Lena on all sides. 

Pasta & Cockroaches...This cursed dish had brought them to me. I...had it. These damn cockroaches...I-I HAD ENOUGH OF THEM! 

 

Lena held the cake box high in the air.

If they wish to come to me, I MIGHT AS WELL DESTROY THEM BY MY OWN HANDS!

 

"AAAAAAAARGHHHHHHH!"

Lena threw the cake box, its contents spilled all over the Ameise sized cockroach in front of her. 

"AAAAAAAARGHHHHHHH!"

She then ran towards it and....threw a punch? 

Her fist covered in pasta and sauce made a hole within the Ameise sized cockroach, leaving behind a static noise hole as she stepped back. The Ameise sized cockroach fell to the ground. 

 

Wait...What? 


 

His dark glasses slid from the bridge of his nose. A cold sweat fell from the serpent's face. For the first time ever, Vika was in complete shock.

"What in the Roa Gracia??"

The same expression was across everyone else's faces. Except Shin, who slightly smiled. 

On the single screen in the middle, Lena walked towards the hanger. Her fist, cream robe, off-white crocs and white cotton pyjamas were all covered in pasta. Behind her, a pile of Ameise-sized cockroach were all on the ground. Each fallen unit having a fist shaped hole. 

Lena caused the simulation to fail as it couldn't process her mental reaction and the sheer volume of her scream upon seeing the Ameise disguised as cockroaches. This unknowingly caused a slight malfunction to the Ameise's durability to drop to a point where a mere human could destroy the whole unit with a single punch. 

Vika remained speechless upon seeing Lena finally entering the base's hangar. 

[OBJECTIVE COMPLETED]

[SIMULATION COMPLETED. ENDING SIMULATION....]


 

Upon seeing the objective pop-up screen as she entered the hanger, everything suddenly went pitch black. Lena's eyes were then exposed to the bright light from the hanger's ceiling light.

"Oi oi, My Queen! Are you alright?" 

Lena looked to see Shiden's concerned face. 

"I'm...fine.."

Shiden helped remove the VR helment over Lena's head and pull her up from the seat. As Lena's feet were finally placed on the solid ground, she felt a slight dissonance within her own body. She was meant to feel exhausted from the fighting and running yet she felt completely fine. 

"Are you sure you're alright? There were warning signs everywhere for a bit and no one was coming over to help..."

Shiden was with Lena's real body during the simulation to guard her from any danger. 

"The simulation was going a bit...haywire but i managed to complete it..." 

"I see...that's great to hear. As excepted from our Queen." 

Lena smiled Shiden in response before walking off. 

"Wait, where are you going?" Shiden asked. 

"To see Prince Vika. I have a few words of feedback to give him." 

Shiden noticed Lena's voice sounded a bit serious than usual.

"Right, I'll come with you as well."

Is she pissed?

"And Shiden?"

"Yes, my Queen?"

"Bring me a shovel."

 

Oh...She's pissed pissed. 


 

And indeed, Lena was pissed. 

 

"My my Lena...what do you think of the simulation?"

"...."

Vika stood infront of Lena. While attempted to be unfazed by the intense expression on Lena's face, Vika couldn't help but feel slightly scared upon seeing a metal shovel in her hands. 

The two stood in the middle of a corridor just outside where Vika and the rest were watching. 

The others were peeking outside the door in silence, holding their breath in anticipation for what's to come. 

"You think Lena would smack Vika?" [Anju]

"Maybe or worst, knock his teeth off." [Kurena]

"But he's a prince so perhaps not?" [Theo]

"She's going to commit murder if we don't stop her." [Raiden]

"Nah, he totally deserved it. Smack him down Lena." [Shin]

"My master seems to be in quite the predicament. Will I witness what you guys call, f**k around and find out?" [Lerche]

"Shhhhh! I'm trying to listen guys!" [Annette]

 

Vika spoke again, trying to break the silence. 

"And about the cockroaches...It was prank that went too far so i apologise."

Everyone sighed in relieved.

"Still it was quite the magnificent display of resolve you've shown. Surely you have got over your fear of cockroaches?"

Everyone sighed in anguish.

Lena glared intensely at Vika. Shiden stood begind her but even she could tell that Lena was still pissed. Her grip on the handle of the shovel tighten. Then, Lena finally opened her mouth.

"Prince Vika, I believe you're aware of your action so I'll give no feedback regarding the simulationn or your prank. Although I have one more thing to tell you."

Lena held the shovel up, its tip centimetres away from his face. Vika gulped. 

 

"Never eat my cakes again. Ever."

"Yes ma'am."

Lena sighed and walked past Vika. Everyone else also sighed.

Some were thankful for not witnessing the death of the 5th prince of Roa Gracia in person.

Some were dissapointed for not witnessing the death of the 5th prince of Roa Gracia in person. 

 

"Um...Colonel Lena." Vika blurted. 

"Yes?"

"To compensate your...distress from the simulation, i have gifted you something. Lerche bring it over."

Lerche stepped away from the others at the door and walked over to Lena. In her hands was a cake box. 

"I hope to continue providing more in the future so I hope you forgive me." Vika said with a serious tone, polished from years of being royalty. 

Lena stared at the box. It was the same emblem from the cake shop that she normally buys from. 

"Well...I can forgive you this time. Thank you."

Handing over the shovel to Shiden, Lena smiled slightly as she reached out to take the box from Lerche’s hand. 

 

Thud

 

A tiny thud reached Lena’s ears as her hand touched the cake box. Something fell. 

Her eyes stared at the cake box. 

It had a small head with a flattened and broad body, red-brown in colour. It's six thin legs started to move. 

"AHHHH"

"AHHHHHH"

For the final time, it revealed itself infront of Lena. 

 

"ARGHHHHHHHH"

 

A Cockroach. 

 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" 

 

[PASTA & COCKROACHES - THE END]

Notes:

PASTA! AND COCKROACHES!

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