Chapter Text
- A.
The beach was illuminated by the moon, the sand becoming a pale tan colour. His fingers entwined with mine, we slowly walked down the shore together. Waves crashed softly at our feet, never protruding above the ankle. The beach was rid of people, us being the only ones in the wide space. Of course there was no one here, it would ruin the moment. We walked a bit farther, enjoying the view. It was dark, but there was a small glow that gave us the opportunity to see where we were going, at least. Both of us exchanged small words to each other, never really engaging in a full conversation. James looked at me with deep affection, smiling the first genuine smile in a pretty long time. After a while, we slowed our pace. James leaned over just a bit closer towards my ear, stopping us both.
"I love you, so much, okay? Forever and always, you and I." he muttered. We both leaned closer to achieve the goal of connecting our lips together. Just as this was about to happen, I jumped from my bed.
Sweat was beading down my forehead more than I thought. I struggled to catch my breath, rubbing my eyes. What the fuck just happened? That's the third dream I've had about him all week. Why him, of all people? I wasn't gay, I knew that. I have been with girls all of my life. Speaking of girls, I just went through a pretty rough breakup with Dominika. Was I dreaming these confusing, romantic dreams because of this? Was I just lonely? Or do I really have feelings for him...?
These feelings were becoming too complex to process. I jumped out of my bed, pulling the covers off of my overheated body. I strode across my room, my feet touching the plush white carpet. What time was it anyway? I pulled open the door, treading down the stairs and into the medium sized kitchen. The microwave clock read 3:44am. Why was I awoken this late? (Or early, it could work both ways). I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, slightly leaning down to retrieve it. Out of the corner of my eye, I swear I could see the outline of a person, but I brushed it off. I stood in the kitchen just a few minutes longer before making my way back upstairs to my room. I tried to be quiet, I didn't want to disturb Ein or James. On the way back up the staircase, I passed into the room with my 'mural.' That damn poster, he got it just to piss me off, I swear. I chuckled to myself before tiptoeing up the carpeted platform. Just as I was about to turn the doorknob to my bedroom, someone poked my shoulder.
"What are you doing up so late, Aleksandr?" James whispered into my ear, the smirk very obvious in his tone. I jutted out my jaw, turning back to face him. I just shrugged, I didn't say a word. Why did he care anyway? What was he doing up this late? I had a plan, just to escape his question. Swiftly, I pushed him back farther into the hallway and jumped into my room. That would probably piss him off. Oh well, he scared the shit out of me. I want to try and avoid him as much as possible, before I can confront him about these odd dreams. Maybe sleep will get my mind off of it, and I won't have that dream again. I carefully pulled the blankets over me, cuddling into my pillow before drifting off to sleep.
It was around nine when I woke up. Fuck, I didn't expect to sleep in so late. I'm sure James already left, so I would have to drive myself to the office this time. Thankfully, I had no more dreams about him. My mind is still fuzzy about why I am having these dreams about him. Why were they so all of a sudden? He's just my bestfriend, nothing more. Even if I was bisexual, there's no way in hell he would like me back. Besides, he likes a girl named Kylie anyway. As I was considering these pros and cons, I picked out my clothes for today and got ready to shower. Before I went into my personal bathroom, I stepped outside of my door. Silence. I guess James really did leave then. Not even Ein was making a sound. I quietly slid back into the room, heading to the shower.
The lukewarm water emerged from the showerhead, pouring down onto the tile flooring. I immediately undressed, stepping into the shower and closing the curtain. Beads of water grasped onto my body and hair, making me feel better. I washed my hair and skin rapidly, just standing under the water for a few minutes. After around ten minutes, I turned the shower off and stepped out. It took me a long amount of time to put my clothes on, longer than usual. After much procrastination, I decided that it was time to go to the office. I already knew that James would confront me about last night. It's going to be hard to avoid him about it. Should I tell him about the dreams I've been having? Not now, our friendship was going so well. At the same time, it would be easier considering we would be separating from each other soon. Still, what if he thinks of me differently because of my sexuality confusion?
These questions throughout the morning were giving me a headache. On the way to the office, I decided to pick up some coffee for myself. The guys were probably frustrated with me for being so late, but we weren't doing much. We had a lot of content lately, which meant it wasn't always necessary to record. At the door was Jordan, greeting me with a warm smile. Everyone was working on stuff, so I headed right to my own personal space. I had some lights and my computer in there already, giving me some opportunity to record. Before I could even open Fraps, there was a slight knock on my door. Speaking of the devil, James Wilson himself appeared.
"Hey, uh, I was wondering if you wanted to come help me paint my office? Everyone else is busy, and I was looking to spend some time with you." he told me.
Butterflies erupted in my stomach at his comment. "Sure, let's go." I said. We exited my office and strolled over to his. The walls were almost all white, except for a few spots. A large bucket sat on the ground, a plastic sheet in the corner. James and I both went to grab a paintbrush, touching the same one at the same time. I pulled back, reaching for the other one. All he did was chuckle, but I could see a slight red tint to his face. Was he blushing? How cute.
We got to work immediately, taking small breaks in between. Two hours later, we had the rest of the first wall done and two more as well. As I set my paintbrush down, he came up and pat me on the back. "Thanks for your help," he said. "I really appreciate it. It would've taken me forever to do it alone." It was fun, I enjoyed it.
"Hey James... can I tell you something?" I said softly. He took no time to give me a worried, attentive expression. As soon as I was about to tell him about the past week or so, I froze.
"Ah nothing, it's stupid. Nevermind." I said, looking away. He shook it off, knowing that I didn't want to talk about it right now. I'll just have to tell him another day. What was I supposed to say anyway?
"Hey man, I know we're best friends, but I've been having some dreams about you and I think I'm in love?" No. It doesn't work that way. I'm just going to talk about it when I have it all figured out. I left his office, returning to my own. I sat in my brown office chair, leaning back.
Was I really in love with my best friend, when I'm not really sure I'm gay/bi? What am I supposed to do? I just want an explanation to my emotions.