Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Blake was alright now. Well, as alright as one can be after being in agony for the past two weeks or so, reliant on a man he considered his worst enemy.

He doesn't know when it happened exactly, but he started changing. It was unnoticeable to him, in the beginning, but his goals started to shift. His feelings and motivations mutated in a way he couldn't comprehend.

He no longer wanted revenge. He no longer wanted to maim, to fight, to kill.

He couldn't do that anymore.

Rat was sitting beside him with an alcohol wipe and gauze laying beside him. Today was the day.

“Okay.” Rat said, checking the IV which emptied of potion, before carefully twisting the tube to remove it from the needle. It was painless. 
“We will get you on a more protein rich diet to help replenish your muscles.” He explained, removing the tape securing the needle carefully, before wiping the alcohol swatch over the skin area to disinfect it.
“We also have to start your physical therapy.” None of them talked about how Blake had to leave. In truth, he didn't want to go. In truth he was ready to stay forever, to work for his place, because he loathed to admit it but Rat's affection was addicting.

So he never once brought it up, and neither did Rat.

The older man pressed the piece of gauze against the skin where the needle went in carefully, pulling it out while applying pressure.

“Keep your arm extended. It'll hurt less in the long run.” Rat advised, wrapping the needle in its old plastic capping, and placing it in a cloth, wrapping it up securely to dispose of it later. Blake nodded and pressed the gauze down while Rat grabbed the IV bag.
“I'm going to throw these away and get you some food.” He stood, his tail swishing behind him. His ears twitched as he went away, taking the cold with him as usual.

Blake stood, and wobbled on his feet. He was definitely weaker now, but he could still stand, still look around, finally. He walked to the chest in the corner of the room that Rat opened when he was cleaning up, then closed with grief in his eyes.

He assumed the chest had something of Lux's, which was interesting. Why would Rat keep her stuff in his room?

He opened the chest cautiously. There were… items in there. A mug, hair ties and some notes and letters. Blake lifted the mug up, examining it. It wasn't that dusty, but it wasn't used for a long time.

Worlds okayest dad

Blake put the mug back down and closed the lid. Just how close was Lux and Rat?

Just how much had he hurt Rat by killing Lux?

He sat back on the bed, suddenly less adventurous. He felt wrong, being here. Wearing Lux's tee, sleeping in Rat's bed, using their stuff. He felt guilty. He was, after all, the one responsible for them falling apart. For Lux's death.

Would Lux forgive him, if she was around? Would she accept him? Could they have had the chance to be a family team?

What was so special about Lux? Rat betrayed his teammates over and over again, uncaring and yet… 

Oh.

Blake was jealous.

Jealous of a dead woman. How pathetic is that?

Rat came back to the room with a plate of chopped fruits and a cup of tea.

“I brought you some snacks.” He announced. He was sad, Blake could tell, but he didn't want to know why. He shivered with the cold air, and accepted the plate.

“Thanks.” He managed a small smile. The fruits were apple and orange, with a little wooden fork which had a rat carved out of the handle. It was crude, made by an amateur. It looked pretty cool.

“Yeah, Astron made these in bulk when they were competing with Lux-” Rat paused, and went completely silent. The chill evolved into an all encompassing cold, and Blake could feel grief shimmering in the air.

Rat took a deep breath.

“Anyways, I have a lot of these, but they were kinda far back in the storage room, I assume Astron hid them, so I just found them.” He says. The cold doesn't go away, but it eases ever so slightly.
“They look cool.” Blake says quietly.
“Where is Astron, anyways?” He asks curiously. He was never close to them, as they kept their distance from most of the SMP, only ever being close to Rat and Lux. He couldn't imagine that they were fine with him being here.

“They are… Away.” Rat shrugged.

And that was not ominous at all. Blake decided not to push, lest it was something Rat was sensitive about.

“Oh.” He opted to say before biting into an aplle slice.

It was nice of Rat, to try and just talk to Blake. It was weird. Nobody just talked to him about mundane things nowadays.

“Uhm… I tried carving once. When I was younger.” He says to break the tension starting to simmer in the room. Rat smiled at him encouragingly.
“I gave up shortly after. I didn't understand how to do it.” He shrugged.

“Yeah I know that feeling. Once I was- uhm… So my sister was teaching me how to mold stuff.” Blake hummed, taking a sip of his tea. Chamomile, yum.
“Anyways I was making the ender dragon.” Rat continued, and Blake tilted his head ti the side.
“But I kept messing it up, so I destroyed it and never tried again.” Rat shrugged and Blake snorted.

“Good thing you aren't a creation God.” He joked.
“Othervise you insisting nobody goes to the end would be because you were too impatient to create a dragon.” Rat snorted too, the both erupting into laughter at the stupid joke.

“Yeah imagine that.”

Chapter Text

The power went out that afternoon.

The sun was dipping below the horizon, the warm orange light of several lanterns illuminating the room Blake was staying in.

The air was pleasantly cool, and the whole place had a cozy, calming quality to it.

“That should be the last of it.” Rat says, hanging up the last lantern and putting his flint and steel away.
“Sorry about the power, I have to check what's up with the generator the next day.” He says and Blake gapes.

“You have a generator?” He asked, baffled. Rat looked at him with a confused expression.

“Where do you think the electricity is from?” Rat asked back.

“Oh.” Way to make Blake feel like an idiot. In all honestly, he never really thought about it before. He was never big on redstone or electricity, it never interested him that much.

But it was pretty cool that Rat had a generator, for sure.

“Did you build it?” He asked.

“Yeah. Took me a while, but Aston helped.” Rat hummed, and stretched. He was wearing a grey hoodie and dark blue sweatpants, his hair in a loose braid. 

“That's pretty cool.” Blake hummed and yawned.

“I think I'm going to bed.” Rat says.
“Will you be okay?”

“Yeah I will be.” Blake rolled his eyes. He was not a baby.
“Night.”

“Goodnight.” Rat said and stepped out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Blake laid down in bed and shivered. Usually the cold didn't linger after Rat left the room, but it seemed to get worse now. Perhaps whatever heating the house had also went away when the power shut off. Bkake buried down into the blankets, and closed his eyes.

The cold seemed to get worse.

“Huh, I didn't know I could do that.” A familiar voice said, and Blake's eyes snapped open. He sat up in a panic. He was on top of a snowy mountain, and he shivered. Damnit, it was cold.

“H-hello?” He called out, his breath fogging in the air as he stood up in the knee deep snow.

“Hi.” The voice giggled. 
“Are you having fun?”

“What?” Blake turned around, looking for the voice.

“Stealing my place? Touching my things? Wearing my clothes?” Lux asked, the snowstorm slowly materializing her. Her space buns were disheveled, her arm stub smoking. Half of her face was covered in shimmering golden cracks, the other half of her covered in the black ink. Blake stepped back, looking down onto his arms where the deep blue marks formed into cracks. It hurt.
“You know, I wouldn't even mind it that much.” Lux appeared right in front of Blake, causing him to fall back. Her hair was purple. She looked younger, from when they were allies.
“Rat is compassionate, after all. A gentle soul.”

That was bullshit, Blake knew it, because all the kindness Rat shoved him, the man betrayed, destroyed and enjoyed the pain of others.

“What I hate the most is not that you are here, being cared for by Rat, no.” Lux said, calmly.
“What I hate is that you, you spineless piece of garbage, tried to kill my dad!” Lux yelled, and Blake felt like his veins were turning into ice. It hurt. The cracks on his body spread, exposing more of the dark green void inside his body.

“He deserved it!” Blake spoke up. Because he was not going to sit idly and let this spectre insult him.
“He was a villain! I did it to liberate the server! You were never meant to be caught in the crossfire!” This was the wrong thing to say, because Lux kicked Blake in the stomach, sending him into the snow.

“You destroyed everything we held dear, it's your fault I'm like this, it's your fault Rat is suffering, and I hate that if I didn't save him I would be in his place!” Her white hair billowed around her wildly. Blake couldn't speak. He felt like he was a block of ice. 

“You fucked it up, you fucked it up so bad and I can't even pass on!” Lux screams, and punches Blake.
“Rat can't hear or see me.” She says. She sounds defeated.
“And you will fix this.” She says, and the cold gets more and more intense.

Someone is calling his name.

“You fucked it up, so you will fix it. I don't care how.”

— Half an hour ago. —

Rat couldn't sleep. It wasn't unusual for him nowadays, nightmares and grief keeping him aware and awake.

He deserved it, on some level.

Usually he bakes when he's like this. Or allows Astron to pull him into a hug and they would cuddle through the night. Astron didn't know Lux as well as Rat did, but the mortal was easy to love and hard to let go of.

“I tried to save her many times.” They told him as they traversed the woods, away from the house and the grave, just away.
“She never survived.”

It was cruel, Rat shouted back then. 

But alas, the power was out and Aston was far away.

“You have to go visit her grave.” Aston insisted then, a month ago now.
“It's important. Don't be alone while I'm gone.”

If Aston says it's important, then it is.

So, with nothing else to do, Rat went into Lux's room.

It was still the same, and he didn't know why he kept expecting for it to change. For Lux to come home, to make his bed properly and complain about the dust.

Rat's chest felt heavy. He could almost imagine her voice, as she explained something while sitting at her desk, shuffling through papers.

Rat suddenly felt dread crawl up his throat. What if the sickness came back and Blake died in his sleep?

No, Rat was probably paranoid because of the lack of sleep.

But it wouldn't hurt to check, would it?

He walked uo the stairs in a totally normal and calm pace, not at all taking two steps at a time.

He arrived at the upstairs bedroom, his eyes immediately looking at the bed where Blake was laying.

Something was wrong. 

A dark shape, vaguely humanoid, hovered over the bed, where a shivering Winsweep was laying. His marks left by the sickness were gloving with an eerie dark green color, his eyes were open and completely blank, and his mouth was foaming.

Oh shit.

“Blake!” Rat exclaimed with worry. What the hell was going on? He rushed to the bed, the dark shape turning into nothing as he reached the bedside, and hovered his hands above the younger man. He didn't know what to do. 

Blake sat up with a ghasp, his eyes wide as he spat the greenish foam out, hacking and shivering. The room was cold, so, so cold that Rat thanked his fur for insulation. He quickly civered Blake in blankets, hoping to warm the younger.

And that was when Blake pressed himself against Rat and started crying. The older was unsure what to do at first, but then he shifted into a more comfortable sitting position, and pulled the Blake-wrap close, hushing him gently.

The younger's crying was ugly, tears and snot soaked into his hoodie as the man wailed like a banshee.

Rat didn't understand what happened, but he was sure to talk to Blake about it in the morning.

Chapter Text

When morning came, Rat and Blake sat in the cold kitchen, eating a fruit salad for breakfast.

Lux's spectre, or something, stood behind Rat's chair, glaring at Blake.

It was a new development, him seeing ghosts, or at least this one ghost, but it was… So much had happened and he just wanted for it all to be over. He was just so tired.

“Fix it.” Her glitching, echoing voice demanded.

“So.” Rat spoke up, startling Blake, causing him to snap his attention to the older man. “Do you want to talk about your… Dream?”

Blake stayed silent.

“Tell him.” Lux demanded sharply. “Tell him!”

Blake took a deep breath, and exhaled, slumping down in defeat.

“Yeah. Yeah that would be the best. After breakfast” That seemed to satisfy Lux, who draped herself over Rat's back, peeking over his shoulder, looking at the fruit salad with wistful eyes.

— ten minutes later. —

They migrated to the couch, sitting at the two ends of it, with Blake bundled into a warm blanket. Rat wrote something in a book before putting it down and looking up at the other.

“Alright.” He put the book in his inventory. “Star wherever you want.”

Rat, in all honesty, felt dread for some reason. The thought of Blake wanting to go filled him with fear. He didn't want to be alone, no, because Astron still wasn't back and Clown was… Clown was busy in another server, keeping his partner out of death's clutches. Clown no longer had time for anything else, especially not to hang out with him.

Blake was good company, after he got over his facade, funny and so, so painfully similar to Lux.

“Look… I'm going to sound crazy.” The younger started, looking firmly anywhere but at Rat. The older stayed silent, patient. They had time, after all. “But Lux is not gone.”

And Rat… Rat felt angry. “How dare you.” He hissed and stood up. “This is not funny, Winsweep.”

“I'm not joking!” Blake protested. He hated how Rat called him by his alias, the venom dripping from every word. “Last night, I think I had a visit from her! And- and she is standing here! Look, I think she's a- a ghost!” 

“Shut up! How dare you say any of this! You killed her, and now you are making fun of me, trying to convince me of the impossible!” Rat screamed, his tail lashing in agitation.

“No, I promise that's not the case!” Blake stood up on shaky legs. His whole body ached dully as the air got colder and Lux's spectre warped and changed. “Rat please I would never use her death as a joke.”

But he already did, didn't he? Right after Lux sacrificed herself, on that inky, rainy day.

“Shut up! You don't know how it feels to bury your – Rat took a shuddering breath. – Your daughter!” He said finally.

“I know.” Blake responded, tears gathering in his eyes. “I can't even imagine how much I have hurt you and I am so, so sorry but Lux is here, I promise, and she wants me to fix it. Fix- something.” 

“You are a cruel boy, Blake.” Rat says, and turns away. He needs to get away.

“Wait, no!” Blake panics. He can't lose this. He can't lose the only person that- that cares about him.  “What if I told you something only Lux would know?” He grabbed Rat's wrist, who looked back at him, seeing the sincere desperation written on his face. There is a scar across his nose.

“Go on.” Rat says, but he doesn't believe Blake. Not really, but he had seen the hardest of tasks executed as if it was easy. When you live for so long, you know that there is no impossible, only improbable.

“You made Lux's hair into spacebuns when she moved in.” Blake looked at thin air, paying attention. Maybe he wasn't lying. And if Lux's spirit was here… “she asked you. Because-” Blake let out a wet breath. Rat could basically feel guilt and regret dripping from every spore of his existence. “Because she wanted to look a bit more like you. You cried and, and hugged her so tight you cracked one of her ribs.” 

Rat laughed at the memory. It was one of his most cherished ones, because every minute with Lux was cherished. Lux was lovable and sweet, but also snarky, independent and sassy. and he understood why Arathain was so protective of her. 

She had a tendency to walk into danger laughing.

“So she's…”

“Here. Yeah. She keeps telling me to fix it, but I don't know what.” Blake admitted.

And Rat. Well Rat knew exactly what Lux meant. If a soul was here, that meant a body can be substituted.

He could have Lux back. The thought sent a jolt of… Joy, unfiltered and pure joy through him.

“I can… I can fix it. I can make her a new body.” He says, and he slipped his wrist from Blake's slack hold, starting to pace. “Yes. Yeah this is, oh Folly, this is good.” 

Blake just sat back on the sofa, Lux's melting, glowing and twisting spirit taking place next to him.

“Haven't seen him this excited since I suggested that we should be able to travel through the ink.” She said and Blake hummed. This was weird. This whole thing was weird. He was afraid of Lux, but now at least he had an excuse to stay.

Who would tell Rat what Lux wanted her new body to look like, if not Blake?

He wondered how Rat would be able to create something that could be occupied by a soul and still function.

He wondered why Lux didn't just possess something, like most of them did.

On that note, Blake also thought about why Rat didn't let him die and just respawn. They could do that, after all. He never really questioned it before but now it started bugging him.

Chapter Text

“So, how exactly are you planning on giving Lux a new body?” Blake asked carefully. Lux lingered at the edges of his vision while Rat was reading a slightly beaten up, well used journal. It did not look new, but it also wasn’t old. He wanted to ask so many questions, but he didn’t even know where to start.

“I make one.” Rat answered simply, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Like it was a normal thing to say.

“You… make one?” Blake echoed, because he didn't know what else to say.

“Yeah.” The older answered, looking into chests, gathering all the clay he could find into a pile. He also took out an assortment of other items, 

“How?” Blake inquired as Lux touched a crystal Rat placed out. The crystal lit up with a blue light and Rat turned to it.

“Lux, please do not play with the soul crystals.”

Soul crystals were a myth, a tool, that gods used to give life to lifeless beings. To channel the flow of energy in the air and shape it, to pour it into the mold of clay and flesh that will be the body.

Rat picked the crystal up and placed it in his inventory, his tail flicking lazily.

Blake stared. His eyes were wide as he surveyed the older man, who stood and looked through chests, his ears twitching when he found more clay.

“What… are you.” He asked and Rat froze, looking slowly at the younger man. They stared at each other.

Mortals can not have a soul crystal.

Mortals can not create life. Sure, modmakers can access the world's living code and modify it, but they can not meddle with life. They can modify animals, bodies and behaviours, but they can not create bodies for souls.

And yet Rat created life multiple times, hadn't he? He created rats, with unique coding, Blake checked, which was impossible.

Blake assumed it was a glitch, back then.

“I am a rat.” The man answered easily after the silence stretching long.

“No, no that is not an-” Blake stepped forward, desperate, for answers maybe? Was he desperate because another person lied to him once again? Because perhaps his fight against Rat, a villain, a person who wanted to harm the server did he, was futile after all.

“There is nothing more.” Rat answered, patting Blake on the head and walking to the other end of the room.

“We should stop talking. About it.” There was something bitter and sad in his voice. Something like longing.

Blake felt… Bad. Not in a, oh I'm sad sense, but in a something terrible happened to someone I had grown to care about sense.

“Okay. I'll… Go and get some fresh air.” He walked out of the room, the feeling churning in his chest uncomfortably. Outside the room was warm, and Blake noted numbly that Lux didn't follow him.

Why would she? She didn't care for Blake, no matter that she could only talk to him, for some reason.

Blake's hands flared with pinpricks of pain as he collapsed on the steps of the porch, trying to collect his breath.

His arms felt like they were being poked by needles. It was uncomfortable and unpleasant.

Chronic pain, Rat said. He said it was a side effect of the sickness. Blake is still not sure what that means, but these flarings might be connected to it. He didn't notice it before, too focused on his feelings, but the cold must have triggered it.

He looked at his hands, at the dark patterns running up his arms like some fucked up tatoo.

It was the most pain he ever experienced. These marks were a reminder of that. The betrayal of Nox.

Anger surged to the forefront of his mind, and then it was gone.

He didn't want revenge. Rat was right in the end, it would only continue the vicious cycle, and Blake…

He looked up in the sky, and let go of his denial, too.

Blake liked this. Blake liked Rat and the thought of the life the older man offered.

Going after Nox would mess everything up. It would destroy this all. And Blake was…

Tired. Of fighting. 

He scoffed. His past self would be disgusted, would demand he sought revenge immediately, because he was weak if he let people push him around, attack him without consequences.

But… But it wouldn't be worth it. He was happy here.

How long would that last, when Lux is back? If she can be brought back?

A warm weight dropped into his hands and he startled, looking at the handpuff, then up at Rat.

“It's to help with the pain.” The man explained, his ear flicking, before he sat down, too. Lux was somewhere out of Blake's sight, the air pleasantly cool. Blake slipped his hands inside, the warmth easing the ache. “Look, there are things I don't like talking about.” Rat said, staring at the woods.“But that doesn't mean I don't trust you, okay?”

Blake doubted that, but he stayed silent.

“I want you to… to be happy. Here.” Rat confessed, and the younger snapped his head to him.

“Why?”

“Because you are a child.” Rat answered simply and Blake… Blake knew that Rat for some reason saw him as one. But he just couldn't keep his emotions in, this day was already so stressful.

“I am not! I'm twenty-one, Rat, stop treating me like I am not!” He snapped, his teeth bared. Those small dark eyes stared at him, searching, judging, who knows! 

“You are a child compared to me.” Rat said and Blake was ready to punch him in the fucking nose.

“He's right. We all are.” Lux spoke directly into Blake's ear, and the man jumped. “Leave him to it. It's better for everyone involved.”

“Come on.” Rat stood, helping Blake up carefully. Something in the man bristled at the gentleness something else relished in it. “Help me with the sculping.”

Chapter Text

Rat was a good sculptor.

Blake mostly handed him materials, held up pictures while Rat flipped around in a really used book, adding details. 

Blake also translated Lux's wishes regarding her new body. She wanted her purple hair back, but wanted to keep it long. Rat sculpted it from the clay, made insides and a carefully constructed heart with the soul crystal embedded into it. He made her hair out of purple wool, brushed into fine, silky strands, her eyes out of real emeralds. The body was not only beautiful, but so lifelike it was amazing. If not for the grey clay making the body, Blake would think Lux was resting on the floor of the basement.

Lux marveled at her new body, her form glitching, black goo dripping onto the clay face and evaporating. From nothing to nothing. 

There was poecy in it, but Blake never had a finesse for poetics.

Nor sculpting. He marveled at Rat's skill, but didn't know how this would help, or make Lux a new body.

Rat seemed to know what he was doing, so the younger left him to it. This whole situation was still too strange, but Rat was way too focused now to even talk about much else but Lux's possible revival.

Two days of work on Lux's body brought promising results. The ghost became restless and excited, the cold almost nonexistent as she watched Rat work with a nostalgic smile. Blake wondered if there was a story, another one he doesn't know, and probably never will either. The loose assumptions and guesses as to what will happen to him made him more and more anxious as the hours dragged on, but he couldn't bear to voice them, to face the answers.

The third day saw Blake helping Rat in the kitchen. Lux stayed down in the basement, marveling at her new body.

In the two days Blake tried to be as helpful as he could be, pushing through the occasional flares of pain to try and earn his keep.

They were making cookies, chocolate chip, because that was Lux's favourite. Rat was so sure the ritual would work, that Blake couldn't help but believe it too, which caused his anxieties to get even worse, but he pushed them down. 

When the cookies were done, they piled them on a plate. They smelled… Good. Blake was never really one for sweets or other pleasantries, rather opting for a more optimal, filling meal plans that would keep him in top shape, ready for a fight but… Well, he didn't need to fight anymore. He didn't want to fight either, because he experienced the alternative, and it was so, so nice.

But no matter how nice Blake found it if the person who provided such an alien feeling of safety kicks him out when he has Lux back.

“Can you get me the redstone from that chest over there?” Rat asked, his arms filled with scrolls and candles, his tail pointing at a chest labeled Redstone. Blake nodded numbly and pulled out a bag of the red powder. He really should stop worrying about the future, when he has no control over the following events.

The two headed to the basement where ghost Lux was examining some spiderwebs in the corner while her new clay body laid exactly where it was last time.

“Yknow, I never noticed the pattern to spiderwebs.” Lux said almost conversionally, her voice echoing and glitching.

“Yeah?” Blake asked. Rat, usually eager to know what Lux says, just flicked an ear to his direction, setting his stuff on a table and taking the redstone from Blake. It stung, but Blake pushed it down.

“Yeah. I haven't noticed a bunch of small things about life before I died.” She didn't look away from the spiderwebs. Nobody was looking at Blake who flinched at the mention of his wrongdoings. 

Instead of replying, he turned to Rat, who had drawn some sort of summoning circle on the floor, around the clay body. Or at least Blake assumed it was a summoning circle, in truth he had never seen anything like this before.

Rat set up candles on five points of the circle, then lit them and stepped back.

“Lux, please enter the circle.” The older man said with excitement in his voice. Blacke watched as the ghost sat at the clay body's head, running intangible fingers through the purple hair.

“Okay, she's inside.” Blake said and sat down in the corner. He didn't want to disturb Rat, even when he didn't understand what he was doing. Rat nodded and smiled at him before he reached for his face and… Took it off. Blake let out a gasp as the fur retreated, leaving behind pale skin with purple undertones. The tail and ears shrunk, the claws retracted into human nails. Blake wanted to ask, so desperately, but he stayed put, enamored and shocked as the completely human man placed the rat mask onto the table with the scrolls, then turned to the circle, and Blake could see his face.

His eyes were black, with a universe swirling in them. Rat's face was… Young, but held something not quite human but something more.

“Forrjon össze test és lélek.” The older man began a chant, his purple hair lighting up. The language sounded weird, not quite anything Blake had ever heard, and yet vaguely familiar. “Hívom az erejét a halálnak, hogy adja vissza amit igazságtalanul vett el. Mert lám, a test eltűnt ám a lélek itt maradt.” Lux's ghost disappeared, and the clay figure of her started to slowly gain color, the purple hair turning white. Huh, that's weird.

“Mint ennek a világnak a tulajdonosa, őrzője és istene, a rám ruházott hatalomnál fogva ehhez a testhez parancsolom a lelket. Amíg a kristály ép, addig a lélek ismét él.”

The candles all started burning bright, the redstone dust activating despite there being no visible power source that Blake could see, and Lux's finger twitched. And then the candles went back to normal, the redstone turned into an ashen color and…

And the not so clay figure's eyes fluttered open.

—

Lux opened her eyes to the dim light of the basement. Her memories were fuzzy, but she knew something about sadness and excitement, a state of being she shouldn't have been in.

“Lux?” Rat asked, tentative, and she slowly sat up, taking in the strange sight, before grunting as arms enveloped her. She sank into the hug.

“Rat? What happened?” She asked, and noticed with absolute horror that her father figure was crying, his whole body shaking as he cradled her, chanting her name like a sacred mantra.

She tried remembering really hard about what happened. They were fighting Blake, she took the item from Nox to save Rat, and got caught in the explosion.

She died.

Holy shit she actually died. But then how is she back? She should have gone to where Diansu is. Did Rat do something? Did he figure out how to circumvent the strange form of death caused by the items?

She let out a wheeze as Rat clutched her tighter. She tried to curl up her fingers in his clothes, to pull him closer, but only one hand responded.

Why was she expecting two? She lost an arm that can't be undone. The phantom ache of her missing limb was… gone? She looked at the stump which was feeling normal. Like it was always like that. There is a clay arm on the ground. 

Lux feels absolutely confused. She needs answers, but Rat is so out of it. How long was she dead for?

“Rat, please, you are freaking me out.” She tried to pull away but stopped when the man let out a pathetic little noise of protest. Alright then, she can wait on the cold basement floor that's cowered in ash. Why is there ash on the floor? And why is she in pajamas?

“Uh.” She heard from somewhere to the side, and she swirled to face the owner of the voice. Blake was sitting in a corner in one of Rat's T-shirts that Aston brought him, and Lux's least favourite sweatpants. 

Lux immediately tensed, trying to move between Rat and Blake, because she'll be damned if she lost her father figure again. “What are you-” She snarled with an almost animalistic hatred seeping into her tone. Blake had weird swirly tattoos running up his arms, curling around his jawline and disappearing under the worn t-shirt. His hair was longer than lux last saw him, and he looked less healthy, pale and thinner than necessarily healthy.

Flashes of pained screams, sick satisfaction and glee come to her mind.

“How… Uhm… How much do you remember?” Blake asked, staying where he was.

“Bits and pieces.” Lux says. She's too overwhelmed to process her emotions, but she recognizes the cold hatred at least.

“O-okay. Okay. Uh… Do you need anything-” Blake looked out of his depth, and it was satisfying, to be the cause of discomfort for him.

 “Yeah, go die in a ditch.” Lux suggested, and Blake winced. Good, Lux thought. He needs to know he isn't welcomed here. Rat squeezed her close and she grunted.

“Rat, dad, please let me go-” She patted him on the back, and the older man reluctantly did so, but only to check on her for… Something.

“I'll tell you everything just-” Rat paused, looking at the stump of Lux's left arm with shock. “Huh.”

“Rat, buddy, do you remember when I lost my arm?” Lux asked. Maybe she was in a different universe? She hadn't even considered that before but it was most certainly possible, and would explain what Blake was doing there. She went to a different one when she died to hand over her anchor to that world's Lux, so she can also find the family Lux did.

“Yes, it seems to be a soul issue, hm.” Rat mumbled and stood up, helping her up too. Blake stayed in his corner, silent, and Lux was grateful for that. “Cone on, there are cookies upstairs, I can catch you up to speed with everything that happened.” He pulled her along gently, putting on his mask, which now that Lux thinks about it, he shoved his human form to Blake? Why?

She decided to ask him when she had at least half a dozen cookies. She missed food, but didn't understand why.

—

After Rat and Lux left the basement, Blake stayed still for a long time, trying to fight off his thoughts with no success. He felt like the tower of cards that was this new life was collapsing around him, because Lux hated him, and probably didn't want him around anymore. His whole body ached from the cold, but the pain got numb alongside everything else as an all consuming panic came over Blake.

What if he's kicked out? He has nowhere to go, no one to turn to. He can't leave the server, not when everything he built for is here. But what is that? A tattered, broken legacy, betrayal and pain? 

Warmth, and care, and a home here, with Rat.

No.

Blake couldn't bear to leave, but he was no longer wanted. Rat had what he had taken from him. Blake atoned for his sins or whatever, he helped fix it, he… He was worthy of staying, of being loved, right?

His chest felt tight, uncomfortably so. He couldn't get enough air, he was choking on the dust in the basement, or maybe he was simply drowning in his anxieties. His hands were trembling, and he just couldn't stop thinking about all the things that can go wrong.

He didn't know, he didn't know what to do when he was inevitably kicked out, he had nowhere to go, he was still too weak to hunt and he couldn't fight when his hands acted so badly from any form of physical labour and he was still healing from that damned sickness.

He felt dizzy, and he choked on air he took in too fast but he just couldn't stop. 

Eventually it did stop, leaving him dizzy and light headed, and jittery with anxiety. He decided to head to the room he sleeps in quietly, not wanting to think about much else today. He passed the living room where he caught a glimpse of Rat and Lux hugging each other, a half eaten plate of cookies cooling on the coffee table.

His stomach twisted into a knot. He silently closed the door to the bedroom, and hid under the maroon blankets like a child hiding from monsters. And maybe he was hiding from the monster that is the future.