Chapter Text
She is nine years old and she pulls the trigger because she wants to.
These soldiers might look different. Shorter, taller, fatter, thinner. But inside, they were all the same. They burned her home and killed her mother and father.
But the blaster is too big, its recoil shudders through her body. When the time comes, she forgets everything Luthen taught her. And none of her shots hit their target.
*
She needs someone to blame. So she blames him.
“You messed it up!”
She would have shoved him if he wasn’t so big and tall. But when he stands near her, like he does now, even the sun couldn’t reach her. All she had was his shadow.
So big and so tall and still so scary.
“I told you, Kleya! You weren’t ready!”
“I know how to use a blaster!”
“It’s not about that!”
He was wrong. It was all about that. But they had to run. Or the Imperials would find them. She tries grabbing her pack. But her feet weren’t touching the ground anymore. He has lifted her pack and her. And dragged them out the door.
*
She has to take two steps for every one of his and so she is out of breath by the time they reach the top of the hill. The spaceport was just beyond the trees. She could see the tips of the shuttle’s wings waiting for them. They were going to make it.
Not that she cared. She wasn’t going to leave this alone.
“I did what you said! I practiced with the blaster every day!”
“Today was about men! Not paint on the wall!”
“You didn’t say how different! You didn’t teach me!”
“That changes nothing! You’re not ready!”
“Liar!”
Silence. And in that, triumph. If Luthen was right, he would have fought back.
“It was your fault! You didn’t teach me properly...”
Then, she ran into something. A wall. Him.
His fingers. Tight around her right elbow. She clubs her fist against him. How dare he touch her? Hurt her?
Except he didn’t hurt her. Not really. But she couldn’t make him let go. No matter what she did.
“You’re not ready because you still think like that!”
His roar is so loud that it drives everything out of her head.
“There is no you. There is no me. There is only us! When you fire your blaster, we fire a blaster. When you make a mistake, we make a mistake. Do you understand?”
He is so angry, so fierce, that she has to look away.
“And if you cannot accept that then the Empire has already won.”
He storms off. Leaving her with the truth that she was running from. She had messed up. And now, there was nowhere to hide.
*
They only speak again hours later. The shuttle shudders to a stop. They have made landfall on another planet. The pilot will soon open the door to the cargo hold for them.
“We’ll fall. We’ll lose. You know this.”
She looks at him from this new shield of hers. Her arms, wrapped around her knees. Was she supposed to say something?
“But we stay the course. Because there is no other way. We do this until we win. Or they hang us.
The Empire didn’t hang them today. But it didn’t feel like they won anything either. But he made her feel hopeful. She hated that. She liked that. She was pretty sure she wasn’t supposed to like anything about him.
Except that hope starts to creep back. She is nine years old, after all.
“So did we win today?”
“Not until we find a smaller blaster.”