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“I, uh… brought you flowers. Though, the more I think about it, it kiiinda feels like that might be in poor taste.”
Akko’s voice would have been unrecognizable to anyone but Diana, who knew what it sounded like when she’d burnt the candle at both ends. It was typically for some nonsensically endearing display. She had a way of turning every class presentation into a grand show, only to be too burnt out for her other assignments. Once or twice, she’d dozed off pressed to Diana’s shoulder as the two shared a book during a last-minute study session. The peace on her usually rambunctious face was just another one of those things about her that made Diana’s heart ache…
Now wasn’t the time for fond reminiscence. No, there was a different kind of exhaustion weighing on Akko’s shoulders. It was a kind that made her attempt at a light and humorous tone feel painfully forced.
By the time Diana processed what Akko had said, she’d already been sat up in the cot for several moments. Poor taste? She looked at the vase of red roses that had been set on the ground next to the foot of the cot. Why would flowers ever be in poor taste—?
Memories of the evening prior crashed down on her. The cursed flowers growing in her respiratory tract… taking Sucy up on her offer to find someone willing to go through with the procedure to remove them… wanting one more day to spend with Akko before she was surgically rid of everything she loved about her. Diana thought she’d had more time before it took her, but that last day spent in Blytonbury had been perfect. Too perfect.
So perfect, in fact, that the last thing she recalled was the way the nighttime string lights put little stars in Akko’s eyes. The way they twinkled as the two witches clasped each other’s hands and danced tastelessly to the performance of a street musician. Diana remembered catching Akko’s eyes at some point as the skipping and shuffling of their feet slowed to a stop. She remembered gasping and laughing and uttering Akko’s name breathlessly. As if on cue, the sparkling red hue of Akko’s gaze would begin to fill Diana’s vision. She remembered closing her eyes and taking in a breath in, feeling a fluttering in her chest that could only have been caused by the petals trapped in her lungs. She remembered her heart quickening from what could only have been the lack of oxygen in her bloodstream. She remembered tasting a warmth on her lips that could only have been her own blood, before she fell unconscious from what could only have been suffocation.
The next thing she knew, she woke up in the school infirmary at Luna Nova Academy. Silently accompanying her was the same person she’d been happily romping about the city streets with what felt like only moments before. The light had been completely drained from Akko’s eyes as she sat in a corner adjacent to Diana’s cot, in a room lit only by the overcast morning sky filtering through the curtains.
“Akko?” Diana couldn't remember the last time she was able to gather enough strength to speak with such little effort. Had the operation been done when she was unconscious? If that was the case, then surely looking at Akko would no longer invoke such a feeling of… She interrupted her own train of thought by asking aloud, “How long have you been here?”
“Just since last night. The staff wanted someone to stay with you, and I told them I wasn’t leaving until you were okay, so… a compromise was made.” Akko yawned through her words, then closed her eyes and settled further down into the seat. She left it simply at that.
The uncharacteristic silence that hung in the air caused Diana to shift uncomfortably. She tried to think of something she could say that would lighten the mood. After the better part of a minute, she began to grow concerned that Akko had somehow fallen asleep. Hilariously, the only words that tumbled out sounded alien on Diana’s tongue: “I suppose it would be appropriate to address the elephant in the room.”
Such an idiom would have sparked a comically-placed transformation spell from the Akko that Diana knew, but nothing about her expression changed, not even when she responded, “The others visited a little while ago. Sucy and Hannah told me everything. They were all really worried about you.”
“Ah.” Diana fixed her eyes on her hands as they held each other in her lap. She found herself at a loss for words, something that had always been quite difficult for her to achieve in Akko’s presence. Everything, sure, she thought. Exactly how much did “everything” entail?
“Why didn’t you just tell me?”
Because I knew you didn’t feel the same way? Because I didn’t want you to feel obligated to force something that we both know wasn’t meant to happen? There were so, so many reasons Diana had chosen not to tell Akko about the niche curse in her lungs, among them being the fact that it was because of her one-sided romantic feelings for her. Having them removed via magic surgery would mean that Diana wouldn’t have those feelings anymore. Because of this, she’d come to the conclusion that telling her would do nothing but put strain on their friendship, even if ultimately the feelings wouldn’t be there anymore. “I don’t think it would have helped,” she finally answered.
Akko sat up a little bit, her tired eyes widening with the realization. “Ohhhhh. Oh. Yeah, no, I… I get it.” Diana couldn’t help but sense a hint of defeat and bitterness in her voice.
As far as Diana was concerned, she’d already accepted that there was no world in which Akko felt the same way. That was the entire reason she’d come down with her infliction in the first place, she already knew the answer deep down, and in her silence she was subconsciously sparing herself the rejection. Hearing Akko actually say it still hurt way worse than Diana could have imagined. “You… do?”
It sounded more like a statement of defeat than a question, but Akko answered nonetheless. “Yeah, I mean… It’s not really your fault. You’re Diana Cavendish, you’re important. You have all these awesome goals, you have a name to live up to.” She leaned forward and rubbed the back of her neck with her hand, lowering her voice further. She wouldn’t look Diana in the eyes. “And me? I know I’m not exactly the kind of guy you could take home to meet your family.”
Diana wasn’t sure she knew what she was implying, but judging by the dejected tone accompanying the statement, it wasn’t at all what she meant. She shifted so she was sitting sideways on the cot and facing her. “Akko, no, it’s not that—”
“—Not that simple. Yeah, I know,” Akko’s voice cracked. She sounded like she was on the verge of tears. “It’d be naive of me to think that we could ever work out.” Was that a hint of sarcasm in her voice? Diana couldn’t tell.
“Akko,” she said.
“It’s just, all I’d wanted was to be a safe space for you, y’know? I wanted to be someone you could be honest with, someone you could be vulnerable around. If that means just being friends, then that’s whatever! I care about you so, so much, but I know it’s not enough to make up for everything else. You need so much more than I have to offer. I can’t even protect you from this, I—” The first few angry tears fell from Akko’s chin onto her band tee. She balled her fists in the same red plaid skirt she wore over her jeans just the night before. By the Nine, she really hadn’t left Diana’s side. “It’s not enough. I’m not enough. I’ll never be, no matter how much I… how much I… I…”
No, no, no, no, no. She wanted so badly to hear Akko say those words, but not like this. Not in these circumstances. “Akko, stop!” Diana cried out.
Akko finally looked back up and directly at Diana. Even Diana seemed alarmed by the sudden desperation in her own voice. If she had retained any kind of composure to this point, this was the moment that it all officially slipped.
“Stop saying those things about yourself. You’re not just enough, Akko, you’re so, so much more than enough. I’m not sure I have the right words to express just how ” Diana’s voice shook, but she didn’t want to cry. Not here, and not in front of Akko. She took a deep breath to calm herself down — again, something she hadn’t been able to do in months. Given the circumstances, it couldn’t exactly be as refreshing as she’d hoped. “I cannot let you take responsibility for not reciprocating my feelings. Telling you wouldn’t have helped because I already know that you don’t feel the same way I do. Perhaps a selfish desire to preserve my own pride was present as well, but…”
The resonating silence from Akko was simply impossible for Diana to read.
This caused Diana a moment’s hesitation, but she had to commit. She didn’t have it in her to keep choking on all of these half-baked confessions, she had to say something before there was nothing left to speak of. “...But I know you. You wouldn’t have just let it be, you would have tried to fix it somehow. Even if it meant forcing yourself to entertain such a romance just so that I would be safe.” That’s just the kind of selfless, beautiful person you are, Diana didn’t say. “You don’t deserve that, Akko. You deserve to be happy, even if–”
“Maybe I would be happy being with you, you halfwit! How do you still not get it?” Akko stood up, her shoulders shaking with a violent sob as she finally allowed herself to completely burst into tears. “You’re making yourself sick because you think you already know how I feel. Here I am, telling you that you’re wrong.”
Akko’s boots thudded against the wood floor when she took a step closer to the side of Diana’s cot. “Last night, when you started choking, and then you collapsed, I… I don’t think I’ve ever felt as afraid as I did at that moment.”
She took a step closer before continuing. “I carried you back to Luna Nova, alone, on your broom. I was in tears when I woke up Hannah to help me carry you to the infirmary. The staff kicked me out so they could clear your airways until today when they could contact a more permanent solution. They told me to let you rest, but I snuck back in so I could make sure you were okay. I stayed with you all night long. Making sure you were okay. Pulling flower petals out of your hair.”
This time, after shuffling even closer, Akko moved her hands to grip Diana’s shoulders. “And earlier this morning, when Hannah gathered Sucy and Amanda and the others to come see you? That was when I found out that — not only was I, your best friend, the only one who didn’t know about your horrific magic illness — but that it was because you were somehow convinced that I don’t love you.
“And then, when you said you didn’t think I could have helped… Even now, I– I can’t help but wonder what I did to make you feel that way. Maybe I should have said something before…? But then, last night, when I kissed you… was that not enough?”
Lowering down to her knees and wrapping her arms around Diana’s midsection, Akko pulled her into a hug. Despite the tender gesture, the last handful of words she spoke into her were bitter, desperate, and nearly incoherent between sobs. “Wh– what more could I p-possibly do to get you to believe me?”
They stayed like that for a moment. Diana was stunned silent, her jaw hanging slightly open at the realization that she was at a complete loss for words. Not knowing what else to do or say (or if there was anything she could do or say), Diana gently patted the back of Akko’s head. She then ran her fingers through the shorter, messier strands of hair that Akko kept tied back in a little ponytail during the day.
She was conflicted. Truth be known, there was a part of her that still doubted the legitimacy of Akko’s confession. Akko had never been the greatest liar, but perhaps she could pull it off if she was truly desperate? Or maybe she had loved Diana, though by this point, Diana had pushed her too far away, angering her so badly that surely there was no way she could still harbor those feelings.
And then came the dilemma – Diana couldn’t ignore the possibility that it could still be true. If she decided to go through with the magic operation, then her feelings for Akko would be gone. If Akko did have feelings for Diana, and continued to even after she’d been cured, then Akko would be the one left feeling the way Diana had felt before. She would never wish that upon anyone, most certainly not Akko.
There was also the kiss. Diana didn’t remember the kiss itself as well as she remembered looking into Akko’s eyes and being overcome with the desire to kiss her. Knowing that it’d likely be the last time she’d ever get the chance seemed to remind her of every single feeling of longing she’d spent the last months repressing for Akko’s sake. She deserves to be happy.
It was only after the two girls finally untangled themselves from each other that Diana finally found the words. “Akko, I–”
“Miss Kagari!” A stern voice from around the curtain caused Diana and Akko to spring away from each other in alarm.
Akko fell backwards, landing on her backside before scrambling to her feet. Her eyes darted around for any way she could escape undetected, or at least hide until the threat had passed. Her efforts very quickly proved themselves to be to no avail.
Professor Finnelan (of all people!) ripped the curtain to the side with one hand. In the other, she held what was presumably meant to be Diana’s breakfast. Her face took on a pointed look when her suspicions were confirmed. “I specifically recall sending you away. Patient as she may be, even Miss Cavendish would be lucky to get a wink of rest in your presence.” She turned to Diana. “Has she really been here pestering you all night?”
“Of course not!” Diana answered at first, before she thought about it and the technicality got the better of her. “Or, well—”
“Just wanted to make sure she was still alive, jeez,” Akko grumbled before Diana could dig a deeper hole for her. “I was just about to head out, anyways.”
“Very well,” said the professor, though she still eyed her suspiciously before turning to Diana. “I’m sure you understand how imperative it is that you get your rest during a time like this.”
Diana nodded her head in agreement, but her eyes remained on Akko as she turned to leave. She didn’t want her to leave. “Akko, wait!”
Akko stopped in the doorway and looked over her shoulder. “Eh?”
She silently cursed the world for forcing company upon their conversation at such a critical moment. She tried to find that courage she was so sure she’d had just minutes ago. Ending things on such a sour note, with so many things left unsaid, would do nothing but eat away at her. And yet…
“Thank you,” was what Diana managed to come up with. “For the flowers, I mean.”
“What are friends for?” Akko replied evenly. Diana could tell Akko’s exhaustion was getting to her despite her efforts to mask with a peppy, careless attitude. “I’ll see you after your operation. If you still, y’know…”
She was off before Diana had the chance to answer.