Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Seowon feels like he’s being pricked by a thousand needles at once. His eyesight is blurry, his throat is killing him, and he is two seconds away from breaking down.

He pushes on.

Jaehyun and Taejo had both gone to sleep three hours ago. After all, they’re still kids. They need rest.

It’s three in the morning. He’s the only person remaining in the rap practice room. He sits down, wondering if Mnet will even show a single second of this practice time. Judging from the first season, they probably won’t. He stops mid twirl, looking at his own shaking hands.

All his hard work, for what? Leaving Nine.i behind, joining this show for a second time, desperate for a debut that was never guaranteed.

He doesn’t have much time. He’s already 25. Considered “too old to debut” for some. Others look upon him judgementally, flaming him for being here again. Not giving younger trainees a chance, they said. Not good enough.

Seowon sits down in a corner, tossing the ancient iPod into a corner, his earphones falling to the floor. Where did Mnet even get those? They looked like they’d survived hell. Given the shows they’ve been through, they probably did. He stares at the tiny device next to him, a thousand thoughts running through his head at once. It’s definitely not his first time using those things, he’s done this before. Everything here was so familiar yet unfamiliar — this isn’t the place he went viral for running around together with Woongki. This isn’t the place he made so many friends in. This isn’t the Planet Camp he remembers, yet it’s not his first time experiencing this hell.

A small, choked sob escapes from his throat. Just one. Silent, desperate. He curls up in the corner, his forehead resting on his knees as tears slowly trickle down his face, forming tiny droplets on the wooden floor.

The practice room has never felt this cold.

Even when it was just Famous, he enjoyed seeing the passion in the younger trainees’ eyes. Even when he’d left Nine.i, because he thought he had a shot here. Even when he’d been in the first season of Boys Planet, because he had Taerae and Woongki and so many supportive trainees who loved him.

One by one, everyone stepped forward to success. Zerobaseone was a worldwide sensation, Evnne was thriving, One Pact was releasing amazing music. Woongki and Shuaibo had AHOF. Jingxiang had Close Your Eyes. And even without him, Nine.i looked so, so happy.

Everyone who had participated in the semifinals of Boys Planet had debuted, found peace, fulfilled their dreams.

Everyone but him.

Another guttural sob ripped out of his throat.

A soft, silent knock echoed through the room, making Seowon jump slightly. He quickly made a poor attempt at drying his tears, got up, and opened the door.

”Gyehyeonie…? What are you doing here, it’s three a.m….”
”I could ask you the same question, Won.”

Won. Not Seowon. Just Won, his name, one that only those who were close to him used.

”I… I was practicing.” Seowon sniffles a little. What a way to blow his cover. Not like he was ever good at hiding his tears. Faking happiness is one thing, hiding a breakdown is another.

“Is everything… okay?” Gyehyeon says carefully, his eyes scanning Seowon’s face as he steps inside, closing the door. He doesn’t say anything when a single, quiet tear streams down Seowon’s cheek. Gyehyeon steps forward, tentatively at first, then puts his arms around Seowon in a hug. It’s gentle, warm, and silent.

It is then that Seowon chokes on his own tears, trembling as he sobs into the older man’s arms. He doesn’t get a single word out. He doesn’t need to. He just grips onto Gyehyeon’s shirt, his tears dripping onto the ground one by one.

“Hey. Hey, it’s gonna be okay.” Gyehyeon whispers as he holds the shaking boy in his arms. Seowon’s back is against a wall, and Gyehyeon holds him gently, like he’s shielding him from all the pain in the world. “Won. Wonnie. It’s going to be okay.” He repeats over and over again. He doesn’t believe it himself, but no one needs to know that. “Everything’s going to be fine.”

They don’t know how long they remain like that. Just the two of them, Seowon’s quiet sobs muffled by Gyehyeon’s jacket.

“Gyehyeonie…” Seowon whispers. His voice is still shaky, but it’s filled with something that’s less desperate, less anger. Something even he can’t identify. “Thank you.”

”I didn’t do anything.” Gyehyeon shakes his head with a small smile on his face, gently placing one hand on Seowon’s head. “You’re strong, Won. Stronger than most.”

”Says you.” Seowon shakes his head, attempting to wipe his tears with his hand.

Gyehyeon brings his arm up, using his jacket sleeve to dab at Seowon’s tear-stained cheeks. “I didn’t expect to do very well here anyway. I think Kangmin will make it, and hopefully Verivery gets more attention from now on. It really doesn’t matter much to me as long as my group comes out of the trenches of Jellyfish’s basement.” He laughs, but there’s no joy in it. His smile doesn’t reach his eyes as he speaks.

“I guess both of us are pretty similar in some ways, huh?” Seowon moves his hand up and intertwines his fingers with Gyehyeon’s slowly. He doesn’t notice the slight blush dusting over the older man’s cheeks as he continues to talk. “Mistreated by our companies, not promoted properly… except I have nowhere to go after this.”

Tears threaten to fall, but Seowon shuts his eyes. “I just hope… this is all worth it. All this pain, all this fighting, all this effort. Mnet’s only been using us as their reaction bots and we probably won’t get any valuable screentime. I won’t be surprised if I’m eliminated by the third round, since no one will notice me. You’ll probably make it further since you have more fans and you’re going to do really well in Breathe.” Seowon is rambling now, choking slightly on his words. “Gyehyeon, I think I’m going to get eliminated. I can’t disappear like I did before. I have to make it somehow.”

Gyehyeon listens, holding the smaller man in his arms once more. “Wonnie, you’re so strong. I’ve only ever seen you smile on camera. You’re strong enough to smile for the audience and do your best even when things are looking dim, and I’m proud of you.”

Seowon stays silent for a while. “You… you noticed?”

“How can I not?” Gyehyeon takes off his jacket and drapes it over Seowon’s shoulders. “Now go back to the dorms. It’s really late, you need some rest, and it’s cold outside.”

”How about you…” Seowon doesn’t accept the jacket, pushing it back into the older man’s arms.

”I’ll be fine. I’m used to staying up late for practice anyway.” Gyehyeon lets out another bitter laugh, the words simple but still biting.

“Come back to the dorms with me. I can tell you’ve been up for too long.” Seowon tugs gently on Gyehyeon’s hand, pouting when Gyehyeon doesn't budge.

“Okay, fine. I’ll go to sleep.” A genuine smile spreads across Gyehyeon’s face, letting Seowon drag him out of the practice rooms and back to the cramped camp dormitories.

How could anyone say no to this face?

The corridors don’t feel as cold now.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

The days pass too quickly. Gyehyeon’s not struggling at all — Anxin is a sweet kid, and Kangmin is the same as ever. Their team’s atmosphere quickly becomes warmer, and when they’re not singing together, they’re laughing as they tell Anxin stories of their Verivery days. Breathe is not a challenge for him. He’s just grateful the PDs approved his request to use a piano in their introduction. And he hopes he doesn't cry on stage, because these lyrics hit. Hard.

Seowon, on the other hand, is trying not to crash out. He’s dealing with two kids who are a decade younger than him, extremely passionate, and very much still competing over the Killing Part. He takes most of the vocal lines, because he doesn’t really know how to rap well. He’s only here because there’s dancing involved and there are vocals in this song. He has no idea why this song was chosen for a rap mission. But then again, Mnet chose Queencard for a vocal mission. Dumb move, he thinks to himself.

As the leader, Seowon also has to struggle with the fact that he has to decide the Killing Part, and the kids might not understand his choices. The headache doesn’t go away — it’s a pest, perpetually bothering him. Just like the cold he probably has — he’s already used up a whole box of tissues, his nose runny and his voice just… off. It sounds and feels weird, like it’s been put through one of those weird TikTok filters so it sounds different.
He excuses himself from the practice room, his mind in a turmoil, his muscles aching from nonstop dancing. He’s still sniffling as he walks, his feet taking him to the vocal practice room without him even realising it.

Woojin walks out of the room just as Seowon reaches for the door, his hand jolting slightly in surprise. “Hyung, what are you doing here?” Woojin’s tall figure towers over Seowon’s much smaller one, and his lips curve into a smile at seeing one of his favourite older contestants.

“Nothing much. I’m just visiting since I kind of have a headache and need a break from my team.” Seowon admits, sniffling slightly. This makes Woojin raise an eyebrow and pull off his own jacket. “You okay?” The younger hands his jacket to Seowon, patting his shoulders gently. “Take care, hyung. The performance is soon and you can’t afford to get sick now.”

”Thanks, Woojinnie.” Seowon smiles. “Why are you coming out of the practice room, hm? How’s your practice going?”

“I had to go to the washroom. Practice is going pretty well, I think my group can do this.” Woojin grins excitedly, his eyes seemingly lighting up at the thought of winning the 50,000 point benefit.

“Alright, go then! Good luck with practice, I believe you can do it.” Seowon hugs Woojin before stepping into the vocal practice room, seeing the four teams — Rose Blossom, Run to You, Queencard, and Breathe. He still doesn’t know why Queencard was a vocal option. He envied everyone here, since he’d been eyeing the vocal songs. Since he was one of the last All-star contestants, he had no choice but to choose Famous. At least he could sing and dance there.

He goes over to the Breathe team, where Gyehyeon is practicing on the keyboard and Kangmin is helping Anxin with his pronunciation. The younger two greet him with smiles before going back to their tasks, but Gyehyeon is fixated on the keys, his hands flowing like water as he plays, soft, yet full of emotion. Seowon waits there as Gyehyeon sings, practicing his parts. He admires the older man’s voice, the emotion in it.

”Someone’s breath, that heavy breath; how can I see through that?
Though I can’t understand you and your breath, it’s alright, I’ll hold you.”

Gyehyeon looks up from his lyric sheet, his expression shifting from thoughtful and slightly frowning to a soft, genuine smile. “Wonnie.” he breathes out softly, going over to Seowon. “What brings you here?”

Seowon doesn’t say much, just smiles back and gives Gyehyeon a quick, tight hug, avoiding his gaze. “Just wanted a break from Famous.” His voice is soft, not as energetic as usual. He has a wistful look in his eyes as he scans the room, his gaze lingering on the standing mics and keyboards. “I really wanted to be here.”

”You’ll do amazing in Famous, Wonnie.” Gyehyeon says without missing a beat. “I know you will.”

”I hope so.” Seowon laughs, but it’s not happy. “I‘ll leave you to your practice, then.”

”Wait.” Gyehyeon grabs the younger man’s wrist. “Can I… come meet you later? Tonight at ten, in your dorm, since it’s bigger…”
”Of course.”

They part with a quick hug.

Gyehyeon practices until his throat is sore, until the lyrics are ingrained into his head. He reads the lyrics over and over, researches the context of the song, so that he can replicate its intent.

It’s sad, really. It was written by Jonghyun, the late member of Shinee. LeeHi said it was supposed to be a comforting song, apparently. One that brought love and warmth. It was a ‘comforting embrace in musical form, a message of solace to those who felt overwhelmed, anxious, or burdened by life’.

To him, it was a message to all his fellow trainees. This show sucked. They all know that. It’s difficult to keep pushing on, even when it seems like it’s impossible to stay in the competition. But it’s okay to feel that way, and he’s proud of all of them.

“Breathe. It’s okay to feel tired, overwhelmed, scared. As long as you’re breathing, I’m proud of you.”

The air feels less heavy, and he continues singing.

Chapter Text

It is exactly 10.11 p.m. when Gyehyeon shows up at Seowon’s dorm room. Geonwoo is out, presumably bothering Xinlong with the rest of the Lalalala team. 

“Wonnie.” Gyehyeon opens the door after knocking, seeing the younger man seated on his bed, barefaced and in his pajamas. There are three toner pads on his face, and he looks like he’s in the middle of his skincare routine.

“Gyehyeonie! Come, sit down.” Seowon pats the space next to him on the bed, and Gyehyeon sits down there. “I envy the all-stars, you guys get actual beds…” he mutters. “When is Geonwoo going to be out until?”

“Don’t think he’ll be back too soon. He told me he’d return at midnight, maybe later.” Seowon shrugs, taking off the toner pads and tossing them into the bin. “Why?”

“Nothing much.” 

The two spend the next hour just talking about the show, ranting about their treatment, and reminiscing their days in their respective groups — Gyehyeon in Verivery, Seowon in Nine.i. Being used as reaction bots, not being treated properly by Mnet, the stress of knowing that they’re both on the brink of elimination. 

Seowon sighs and decides to lie down, using Gyehyeon’s lap as a pillow. Gyehyeon feels his heart skip a beat, but his hand instinctively goes to the younger man’s hair, playing with the once cherry-red strands. “I think you’d look good with permed hair.” Gyehyeon murmurs as he continues to play with Seowon’s hair, trying not to get distracted by the fact that he was lying on his lap. With those big puppy eyes and that gorgeous tiny face.

“Hm? Maybe I’ll try that soon, then.” Seowon is ever so oblivious to the older’s blush, his voice getting drowsy and his eyelids starting to feel heavy. “Hyung. I’m gonna miss you when this ends.”

“You can come find me anytime, you know.”

“It’s not gonna be the same.”

“You’re right.” Gyehyeon sighs. “You know, I haven’t really heard you sing any non-mission songs. You should sing me something.”

“Sure.” Seowon sits up, his mind in a whirl. What should he sing? Something that expressed his feelings about this show, or something that was more… romantic?

“I’ll sing Love. A Nine.i song. I didn’t record this song, but I like it a lot.” Seowon says wistfully, before the notes escape his lips.

“On your camera, there's a little smile, Those memories that make me feel a special way, ah, ah. You just woke me in this little verse, I can make you happy, happy, happy…” Seowon continues to sing until he finishes the chorus, his voice getting thicker, like he’s holding back tears. “Sorry, this brings back so many memories.”

“It’s okay.” Gyehyeon holds Seowon’s hand, squeezing it gently. They’re sitting side by side on the bed, and there’s a few moments of silence before Gyehyeon sings. Breathe. Though I can’t understand you and your breath, it’s alright, I’ll hold you. He sings while looking directly at Seowon, still holding his hand. The entire time, Gyehyeon doesn’t take his eyes off Seowon.

“That was… really beautiful, Gyehyeonie.” Seowon breathes out gently, squeezing the other’s hand. “Really. I think you could win.”

“You too, Won.” Gyehyeon breaks into a shy grin, looking down at the white sheets. He takes a look at the clock. “It’s late. You should sleep soon.”

“You too, Hyeonie.”

Oh god he shortened the nickname. This is historical. Gyehyeon looks away, trying to conceal the blush on his face. “Goodnight.” He flashes a quick smile and leaves the room.

He needs to tell Kangmin.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Two minutes and a breathing exercise later, Gyehyeon knocks on Kangmin’s door, which isn't even closed for some reason. Kangmin happily lets him in.

“What's up, hyung? What brings you here?” Kangmin rolls over on his bed, and he has a bag of chips in his hand. Where the heck did he get that from?

Anxin greets Gyehyeon with a tired smile and a small wave. Gyehyeon figures that Anxin is a good kid and can listen to him rant about his feelings too. As long as he doesn't spill to half the camp and his Haidilao gang.

Gyehyeon makes himself comfortable on Kangmin's bed, stealing a chip and an indignant “hey!” from the younger VERIVERY member. 

“So.” Gyehyeon starts slowly, swallowing. “I think I like someone.” 

“WHAT.” In two seconds, Anxin has somehow gone from lying down half-asleep to seated up perfectly straight, back against the wall. Kangmin's reaction is less severe, but he still almost drops the bag of chips, which gets a small laugh out of the older.

“Wait, spill. I’m so drama deprived these days.” Anxin is now more awake than he is during training. How is that even possible, Gyehyeon has no idea. 

“Wait, who is it? Is it someone we’re familiar with?” Kangmin cuts in, his mouth half full now.

“Uhh… Not really for Anxin, probably yes for you.”

”S-Class member?” Anxin volunteers helpfully.

Gyehyeon wishes the kid wasn’t so smart.

His silence says something, obviously, because now Kangmin is sitting up straighter than ever. “Wait, what? Who? Definitely not Sihwan. Ew. Ew. Uh, Jiahao? I don’t think so, he’s not really your type-“

”How do you even know what my type is?!” Gyehyeon takes another chip, kicking Kangmin playfully.

“Hyung, I thought you were smarter than this.” Anxin laughs, shaking his head. “It’s Seowon hyung, isn’t it? I saw the way you looked at him when he came over during practice. You’re not slick, he’s just oblivious.” 

Gyehyeon chokes on his own saliva.

Now he wishes he’d chased Anxin away. Or pulled Kangmin out of the room. Or—

“Wait. Now I see it. You’re a genius, Anxin.” Kangmin is now wide-eyed, in a position that screams ‘spill the tea’. “So, hyung. Seowon hyung. Honestly, I’m curious. Why?”

”What do you mean?” Gyehyeon munches on another chip, earning himself a glare from Kangmin. “Okay, okay, I’ll stop.” He raises his hands up comically, miming defeat.

”You haven’t caught feelings for anyone for a really long time. And why Seowon, of all people? There are tons of attractive people here.” Kangmin shrugs. “I mean, yeah, he’s cute, and he’s nice, but what exactly was it that made you fall?”

”Uh. Well. He’s actually really sweet. He helped me with dancing and practice back then during S-Class. He was really sweet, teaching me how to dance more cleanly and joking with me. And he’s also really cute. His personality is just caring and really kind, always thinking about others before himself. He’s thoughtful, hardworking, and just… something about him makes me drawn to him.“ Gyehyeon is rambling at this point, and he realises that as soon as he stops.

“Holy shit. You’re down bad.”  Anxin stares, his mouth slightly open. He’s shocked enough that he’s muttering something in Chinese. Gyehyeon swears he hears a few different names coming from his mouth. Maybe there’s some more gay drama he forgot to catch up on after being too caught up in his own. “Even worse than— never mind, that’s not important.“ Anxin shuts up at that point, and Gyehyeon makes a mental note to tease (or interrogate) him another time.

“What are you gonna do about it?” Kangmin lies down flat on his bed, his feet on Gyehyeon’s lap, earning himself a smack on the thigh and a giggle from Anxin. 

“I don’t know. I don’t know if he likes me back, and it’s kind of risky.” Gyehyeon mutters, playing with his fingers. “Do I confess? Do I wait? I don’t know what I should do.”

”Hyung. My honest opinion is that you should just tell him. No offence, but both your ranks are not exactly guaranteeing a pass to the next round. If you don’t tell him now, you might never get to tell him.” Kangmin points out. “It’s now or never, Gyehyeon. Just do it. The worst he can say is that he doesn’t feel the same way.” Anxin is nodding along, his posture exceptionally good for a late-night chat. “Anyway, don’t dwell on it for too long. You better wake up on time for practice tomorrow, hyung.” Kangmin jokes and sits up, taking his legs off Gyehyeon’s lap. 

“But whatever you do, update us.” Anxin perks up, a mischievous grin on his face. “I need some drama to get me through this shitshow.”

He gets an eye roll, a chuckle and a wave from Gyehyeon before the older man leaves the room in pursuit of sleep.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Performance day comes too quickly.

Gyehyeon and Seowon sit next to each other in the waiting room, watching the teams in front of them go one by one. Famous and Breathe are next to each other, since Famous is the team going right before Breathe. 

Yunseo absolutely kills XXL. Seowon gets two special mentions in Hot, which stuns the nerves out of him. Like Jennie performs well, and they have Sangwon, so no one’s surprised when they get the loudest cheers so far. Run to you performs well, and Seowon’s eyes get moist with pride when he sees Woojin. Smoke goes next, and there are a few mishaps, but it’s mostly entertaining to watch. Bad is then called up, and everyone knows Junseo has captured the hearts of everyone regardless of gender. Leave it to the ex-BL actor to do his job. Tambourine goes after, and their choreography is flawless. They don’t have any Korean members, but they receive loud cheers anyway. Leave it to Yumeki to make a choreography that impresses everyone. When Rose Blossom is announced by Jo Yuri, the Famous team is called backstage. Gyehyeon squeezes Seowon’s hand gently. “Good luck. You’re gonna kill it out there.”

Seowon responds with a nod and a smile. “Thanks, Hyeonie. You too.”

Backstage, Seowon, Taejo and Jaehyun watch the Rose Blossom team as they sing. He notes Haneum’s beautiful voice and Honghai’s smile. Honghai, like him, has been here both seasons, and performs like it’s his last time on stage. Sadly, it might actually be.

”Let’s do this.” Seowon whispers to the younger boys, pulling them in for a group hug before they go on stage. 

The lights dim when Rose Blossom finishes, and staff members carry out the props as Yuri announces their team. “Next up, a song from a successful 5th generation co-ed group… Famous by Allday Project.” The cheers are deafening, the screaming of fangirls heard even through Seowon’s customized in-ears. He takes in a deep breath, bracing himself before heading up, and the lights turn on, the intro playing through his ears.

Needless to say, the stage goes smoothly without mishaps, the fans are happy, and Seowon dances like there’s no tomorrow, ignoring the fact that his muscles are screaming at him. He breathes, and he pushes on, all the way until the final gunshot sound effect plays through the venue. 

That is when he finally breathes for real.

He watches as the confetti falls onto his hands, onto the stage, and makes the stage look a little less miserable. He keeps his expression, since he has to keep the “tough guy” act up for the performance. Not difficult, but it takes everything in him to not smile and wave at the fans.

The next few minutes are a blur of panting, encouragement, and being ushered back into the waiting room. 

Their scores are announced, and Seowon gets the lowest score. He’s not surprised. He was prepared for this to happen.

It still hurts. 

But he waits, and he takes his seat, knowing that he still needs to watch Gyehyeon give his best.

It’s now Gyehyeon’s turn to go on stage, his hands trembling slightly, but still stable enough to play the piano while his team emerges in a flurry of mist and stage effects. He plays every note like it hurts, and he hesitates for a moment after he stops. He walks to his team, taking his spot in the middle, and lowers his head as the lights dim.

He sings his heart out, not just hitting the notes, but also pouring every drop of emotion into his voice. He almost chokes on his words, but he still pushes through. 

The last chorus is where he breaks. The lyrics. The very things he wanted to tell every single contestant, the messages he couldn’t convey in person. Every syllable is a letter, an anecdote to the boys who stuck with him through Mnet hell. Every word is punctuated with his anger, his hope, and his never ending love for singing on stage. He keeps his cool, tries to continue.

He chokes on his words during the chorus, swallowing some of his words along with his tears.

The lights dim. 

Backstage, he’s greeted by a flurry of applause and comfort, Kangmin and Anxin pulling him into a tight hug. “It’s okay, hyung. You did well.” Anxin pats his back, rubbing it gently. “You were amazing.”

They’re rushed into the waiting room, sitting in front of that dreaded screen, their names on full display. Jo Gyehyeon, two stars. Killing Part. He takes a deep breath, and he can hear Seowon silently murmuring, “I hope the audience votes well.” to someone, presumably Leejeong, who makes a small sound of agreement. 

Zhou Anxin. He gets a high score — 1280. Expected from the C-planet center. The room is loud, too loud for Gyehyeon’s liking, but it’s full of cheers and smiles and Gyehyeon claps for Anxin, patting him gently. “You did well, our maknae.”

Yoo Kangmin. 1030 points.

It’s lower than Anxin’s.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh my god.

An uproar arises in the waiting room as Gyehyeon’s score is revealed, him being an All-star and having the highest score in the team. 1330. Higher than Anxin. Higher than Kangmin. Both members of the Top 8.

He’s pulled into a hug, first with his Breathe members, then with more people, and he can’t figure out what’s going on other than the fact that he might have done it. He made this memorable. He looks over to Seowon, covered behind the numerous tall trainees in front of him, and sees what looks like pride and are those tears in his eyes? He doesn’t question it, but slowly moves over to Seowon, pulling him into a crushing hug. 

It’s silent, despite all the noise in the room.

And for once, Gyehyeon is finally free to smile with his tears, instead of smiling while fighting them.

Chapter Text

Gyehyeon knocks gently on the door of Seowon’s dorm room, finding Geonwoo on his bed with a sheets mask on and Seowon nowhere to be found. Geonwoo looks up and greets Gyehyeon politely, a slightly puzzled look on his face. “Uh, if you’re looking for Seowon hyung, he went for a walk outside. Probably on the balcony.”

“Thanks. Congrats on your win, by the way.” Gyehyeon nods, and Geonwoo smiles and thanks him before the older man exits the room, now going to search for Seowon.

He had something to do. Something he should do before he’s eliminated (which is probably very soon). Before he’s gone, before he’s back in Jellyfish's basement with the rest of his group. Before VERIVERY is quietly erased, like they’d never existed in the first place.

The corridors are cold, the hushed voices of trainees’ chatter in the background, with the occasional loud laughter or scream. The walls, paper-thin, barely contain the nerves buzzing within every single one of the 48 trainees present, Gyehyeon himself included. Every door he passes is shut, hiding the secrets and insecurities of each duo (or group of four) that slept within the four thin walls, never getting any privacy. They only have the cameras to thank for that.

His footsteps seem to echo in the hallways, the path seemingly never-ending, too narrow, too long, too big, yet too small. 

It’s not long before he reaches the balcony, and he sees Seowon, with his now dyed black hair and long-sleeved pajamas. The younger man is looking out into the distance quietly, sighing as he turns around to go back to his room.

”Oh. Gyehyeonie.” Seowon’s slight frown transforms into a tiny, but visible smile, one hand on the balcony railing and the other running through his slightly messy hair. Gyehyeon swears he feels his heart flutter a little. “What are you doing here?”

“Just… wanted to get some fresh air.” Gyehyeon’s gotten pretty good at lying through his teeth after years of doing it. But this time, he feels his ears heating up slightly, and prays silently that the darkness of the night would conceal it.

Thankfully, Seowon doesn’t seem to notice, and just lets out that quiet, low chuckle that never fails to make Gyehyeon want to reach out and cup his face. “Stay with me then.” Seowon says quietly, gesturing to the empty space beside him. 

So Gyehyeon does, and the two stay side by side in a comfortable silence, watching the stars in the sky, murmuring out constellations that they’d spotted.

“Orion.” Seowon says softly, pointing up at the belt. “That's the easiest one to spot, Won-ah.” Gyehyeon laughs softly, not at him, but with him.

And the two lapse back into a comfortable silence, one where both of them were looking on at the stars, hoping, wishing they could have what they wanted. Wishing for a better future, better treatment, better… everything.

“Won.” Gyehyeon says softly, his eyes looking down, avoiding contact with the younger. 

“Hm?” Seowon’s head tilts slightly like a curious puppy. 

Gyehyeon’s heart is not okay.

“The moon is beautiful, isn't it?”

Seowon could recognise that line anywhere. He’s spent enough time in Japan to know. The moon is beautiful. I like you. You’re beautiful too. 

A typical way of confessing in Japan.

 “Gyehyeonie…” Seowon starts slowly, choosing his words very carefully, his eyes slightly wider than normal. “You know, when I was in Nine.i, I spent more time in Japan than in Korea. Correct me if I’m wrong, but… did you just confess like how the Japanese would…?”

Gyehyeon curses himself internally. He should’ve known. He’d mostly seen Nine.i promotions in Japan, and rarely in Korea. Seowon wasn’t stupid either, and he should’ve expected him to know. His gaze diverts to the floor, the ceiling, the balcony railings. Anywhere but Seowon. And he nods slightly, just once. “Y-yeah.” His throat is dryer than ever all of a sudden, and his tongue darts out to wet his own dry lips, his heart racing even faster than Taejo’s rapping.

“Hey. Gyehyeonie. Look at me.” Seowon’s voice is soft, his tone gentle. His hand moves up to Gyehyeon’s chin, turning it slightly to face himself. “I’m glad you confessed. Because I wouldn't have been able to, not before eliminations especially. I'm glad you did, Hyeonie. Because I like you too.”

Gyehyeon freezes for a moment. He didn’t expect this. He didn’t expect his feelings to be reciprocated. “Wait. What.” He breathes out, finally making eye contact with Seowon. 

“You heard me.” Now it’s Seowon’s turn to be a blushing mess, burying his head in his hands. The two are in states of joy and disbelief, knowing they could make the first move now, but at the same time, not daring to.

Seowon pulls the older man into a warm, tight hug, his breathing slightly quicker than usual. Gyehyeon returns it, feeling the way they were both giddy with happiness and something he couldn’t name. “Oh god, I thought you didn’t…” Gyehyeon breathes out gently, now holding onto the younger man like he never wants to let go, like he belongs right there, in his arms. 

“I always have.” is Seowon's quiet response, and even though it's low and soft, Gyehyeon can hear the beautiful smile behind it.

And even in the cool breeze, it felt truly warm.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

When the eliminations are over, Woojin is the first to run over to Seowon. All the Sugar High members come one after another, exchanging teary hugs, well wishes, and more hugs. “Can’t believe you’re leaving.” “What will we do without our leader and killing part…” “Seowon hyung, please don’t forget us.” Seowon smiles and hugs each of them, making them promise to work hard and keep him in mind when they practice.

Meanwhile, Gyehyeon is holding on to Kangmin, a bittersweet smile on the older’s face. “Go out there and do your best, Kangmin-ah. You’ll do well. I know you will.”

“It's just me left.” Kangmin shakes his head with a teary smile, hugging Gyehyeon tight. Too many yet too little words seem to come to the surface, so they don't say anything, silently comforting each other.

It takes a long time for that to finish, but when it does, Seowon and Gyehyeon walk right to each other, worlds colliding in a tight, crushing hug. “I’m proud of you, Gyehyeonie.” the younger says softly, his voice slightly shaky. He still hasn't cried. Not yet. 

Gyehyeon notices how Seowon permed his hair today. Just like he suggested. He did his makeup, made sure he looked his best... only to be disappointed. Again.

“I'm proud of you too, Won. I'm so, so proud, no matter your result. I know you did your best. I know you deserved better. I know…” Gyehyeon hesitates a little before finally saying, “I know how much you wanted to do Sugar High, to finally give back to your fans. And I know it must hurt so much now.”

It is then and there, in Gyehyeon’s arms, that Seowon lets a tear slip. Then two, then more.

Seowon is shaking in the older man’s arms, his sobs growing louder, more broken. Each one cuts like a knife, each tear a reminder of how much Seowon wanted to do well in this season. 

I could've been the Killing Part for Sugar High just like my fans wanted. I could've shown the Star Creators my true potential. I could've made it to the semifinals just like last time. I could've done it all.

I've disappointed them. 

Gyehyeon holds on tight to his now-boyfriend, his eyes soft, his touch gentle. He doesn't say anything. He doesn't need to. 

“Won-ah…” Gyehyeon wants to say so many things. How he's proud. How he knows it's not Seowon's fault at all. 

How much he loves him.

They pull apart and go for the group shot, yelling “Max the Power” with their whole chests, knowing that they may not have walked away with debut, but with so, so many amazing people.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

A week later, Seowon shows up at VERIVERY’s dorm for the live viewing. He’s greeted warmly with cheers, and he's still got the jacket Gyehyeon had given him during the show. White with black stripes, an Adidas sports jacket that smelled just like Gyehyeon and home.

Seowon sits next to Gyehyeon the whole time, even when Harry-June and Heechan join in too and the seven of them watch the stream while eating and drinking. Gyehyeon is rolling the kimbap, and Seowon can't help but find his boyfriend’s acts of service so very attractive.

“I want one too.” Seowon mutters, resting his head on Gyehyeon's shoulder.

“Okay, baby. Give me a minute, I’ll make one for you. What fillings would you like?” 

Seowon tells him that he wants cucumber and a few others, his ears flushing slightly pink at the way Gyehyeon had called him baby.

Gyehyeon doesn't let Seowon take the kimbap at all — instead, he cuts it himself and feeds it directly to his boyfriend, earning a smile and a giggle, and a knowing look from Dongheon.

When it's all over and Harry-June and Heechan had already returned to their dorms, Seowon stays behind to help clean up and chat, smiling as he works with VERIVERY like he'd known them for years.

Later, Seowon finds himself in Gyehyeon's bedroom, his legs perched on the edge of the bed as he gets ready to sleep. It's past one in the morning, and the members told Seowon to just stay the night. It’d be safer, and he'd be able to rest more.

“I love you.” Seowon says quietly while he shrugs off Gyehyeon's white jacket. 

Gyehyeon’s breath hitches and he moves closer to Seowon, his hand moving up to caress his boyfriend’s cheek. “Say that again, Wonnie.”

“I love you, Gyehyeonie. I really do.” Seowon smiles, bright and genuine, and Gyehyeon feels his heart flutter, his eyes closing momentarily before he whispers.

“Can I kiss you?”

Seowon isn't surprised.

“Of course, baby.”

Gyehyeon leans in, one hand on the back of Seowon’s neck, the other in his hair. Their first kiss is almost hesitant, lips ghosting over each other, their noses touching as they move.

The second is more desperate, Gyehyeon growing bolder and kissing him harder, Seowon’s hands going to his boyfriend's wait as his head tilted up. Gyehyeon deepened the kiss slightly, his tongue teasing at the seam of Seowon's lips, like he was asking for permission first. Seowon parted his lips without hesitation, and they kissed like they were starved, like they needed each other. They breathed each others’ air, only slowing down when they realised oxygen was still a requirement.

Gyehyeon looks at his boyfriend's glossy, swollen lips and feels his heart jumping again, pressing another soft, light kiss to Seowon's lips.

“We should go to sleep.” he murmurs, pressing one last kiss to the younger man’s forehead. 

The two get into bed together, facing one another as they naturally drift into each other’s arms. 

“Goodnight, Won-ah.” Gyehyeon murmurs. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Gyehyeonie. More than anything.”

And that is the last thing Gyehyeon hears before they're both descending into sleep, and this time, they're right where they want to be.

They were home.